Difficult Conversations for Men (Part 1 of 2)

I was convinced that nothing can change what was going on in our marriage and I want to try anymore but my commitment to God, help me try one more time. We went to a hope restored marriage intensive and it was life changing. The counselors created the safest environment we could imagine so that let us really talk one a much different course now I believe we received a miracle that week receive your free consultation. Hope restored.com there was a day. We talked about the umbrella of protection over and that life is the priest I'm sort of covering of my family. But if I began to have always hold in my company doesn't just affect me, it affects the whole thing. That pastor Johnny Hunt talking about the internal battles that men often have how difficult it is for us to talk about those on today's episode of Focus on the Family encourages you to find strength and godly men who can help you to honor God with your life, your hostess focus presidents and Dr. Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller, John, here's the men struggle to communicate well and that we don't open up emotionally. I think this is to be completely transparent. I think this is Jean's biggest beef with me is that emotionally. I don't open up as much as she would like and the contract. I think I'm learning. I think I'm better than I used to be, but it is part of our wiring as part of our hiding. It's part of what we do is men.

It's just who we are and it's unfortunate because so many of us could reach such higher places, spiritually and in this world if we were probably more accustomed to being a little more open with our challenges, our guest today pastor Johnny Hunt is going to offer help for us as men today, and you know John, one of the things people write and say we don't cover enough about men's issues.

Men's topics are here you go. I would say this program is going to be for women to love their men and I would stay tuned with this. If you're either that husband who struggles with communication or the person married to them. Pastor Johnny Hunt is the pastor emeritus of First Baptist Church of Woodstock, Georgia. He has impacted people with his messages around the world and he's a former president of the Southern Baptist convention and has written a book that will really center on today called unspoken. What man won't talk about and why I get your copy from us. The details are in the episode notes Johnny out welcome to Focus on the Family thank you Jan it's a joy to be with you and John has a great radio voice. I'm grateful that I never knew it when I was hustling pretty cool.

Okay, let's start doing that well. I was raised by single mom said dad checked out when I was seven and mother raise six children working two jobs so when I turned 16 drop not a high school start hanging out at the local pool room and I was hired there and for the next step for years became very proficient at the game and started hustling until somebody invited me to church and I heard the good news and been, but I like how old were you when you went to that church.

20 years old. Okay so you know, here's the point for all the parents who are freaking out about where there is to search in less than a minute a wonderful testimony of how God is still involved in your prodigal son's life. You know somebody actually listen to my story and then wrote it themselves and then gave it to me and then it's been in print but is entitled from the pool room to the pulpit, 27 pages but literally tens of thousands of copies of gone out in numerous languages, encouraging people of how God really can change someone's life now in deference to Dr. Kevin Lehman, the birth order book where were you in the birth order never wanted. How was next to the last text I called it being the baby son of Esther still statement that use only one younger than me that something how to jerk your siblings. How did everyone fare out of that environment units really remarkable mess another encouragement.

My oldest brother came to Christ after me in a Methodist church but he wanted to be baptized by immersion, he would. So anyway been you have write letters or call my siblings because I was the first to come to Christ where my sisters lived in Presque Isle, Maine, and after a witness to her church planter knocked on their door ended up leaving her and her husband, Christ, and then I shared with my next sister and one of my best friends went by her house and led her to Christ and she serves at the church that I pastor for 33 years and then my brother that's just two years old in me.

I person led him to Christ. He's been pastoring 10 miles north of me. The last 30 years later, Johnny. The good thing there's, you know, the single-parent moms are listening, who really are worried about their kids. It just shows you what the Lord can do through the single-parent moms and dads, absolutely. My mother worked in a factory she would come home, prepare our meal and sisters as I got older, helped a lot and then she would walk to her next job at about halfway it white front grill and she would serve there as a waitress and come home and so my mom died at 60 and I was sort of just get on my feet was able to do some things but if there's one sort of a regret is I wish he had lived longer because I begin to do so well with a lot of different strands of income. So my sister said to me she's not here, but you can do it for us.

As I have I have the goods. Is that what a great story and powerful really your book unspoken.

What men won't talk about and why that's the topic were talking about today so let's start with the fundamental question what's going on with men. Why is this both the humerus kind of response to how men are locked down and also a tragic unite. My father even though I was only seven when he left. I remember so much and I can remember if my mother ever wanted to talk to him. He would just say I'm not putting up with this and slammed the door leave and he would not have a conversation. So that's how a lot of men are.

I don't want to talk about this, you're making things worse. And yet we been told from years through ministries like Focus on the Family that the number one reason it one time for divorce was lack of communication. So it's really sort of in our DNA and so we have to really work on it, but where I am in my Christian journey is yes, that's the well is raisin so somebody may say I could say I been married 50 years come November this year, Lord willing, and someone could say will you know the reason you don't tell Janet or your children you love them, you were never told not. I'm not going there.

I have a new father, I have a new power and so I'm going to move beyond it is how I pray. I pray in the areas of my weakness. In particular, so the first chapter of my book and unspoken. It tells about my background how I observed my dad the DNA. This is just the way men are built in so you gotta go, you know. Beyond that was some of that could sound like an excuse for our behavior.

We can start say will head this is how were wired literally that's all right, here's a fact been doing men's conference. I'm moving into my 29th year. Recently I was recognized there telling it right but is the largest local church men's conference in America. So we got greatly blessed. I started it with this in mind, men are the untapped reservoir of useful energy for God's kingdom.

You will not build a great church, you will not have a ministry upon which the sun never sets. If you don't reach me at over 85% of time when a man comes to Christ. The whole family comes to Christ.

When a lady comes to Christ this the facts. 17% of the time the children will come so we gotta go for the priest of the family yeah let let me ask you a really important question, I think, which is fear and you mentioned that in the book to what fear does to men why we hide. I mean, you take that all the way back to Adam right exactly but how does sphere play a role in the way men behave the stories again young man writes and he says if I tell my wife what I did. She's gone.

She's gone. But he can't live with what he's done he's in that Psalm 51 day and night.

Diane is heavy upon me until David confesses what God did in David's life when he did finally confess so you leave these men to make that decision now are their wives deeply wounded and hurt yes has it done major work on trust absolutely. But then there comes that healing part where you know what he didn't have to tell me he loves me so much he wanted no secrets, and he's made that known. And I've watched an apt story after story imprint in a file where men have talked about this next chapter in their life where they came clean and agreed in confession and so is just not true.

But the fear is she'll leave me if I tell her but to the contrary, and it takes time but time and time again they'll write me and say pastor, Johnny, don't expect you to remember today's the third anniversary of the day I called you and we came in to see you and I confessed to be with my wife and I'll never forget how I hurt her that day, which also fortifies them for future victory because now they've seen literally the harm in the hurt and discouragement and the pain and the tears that cost so yeah so we gotta move beyond that fear. Fear is never meant to paralyze us. It just cautions us, slows us down.

Hopefully to make the right move you not know about you but if I'm lost and I'm driving. I turn the radio down. What is that day and I see further like to stop by somebody you know men are going to ask ask you know I don't know where I'm going. Also, King David, you mention King David in the book. You know it's one of those things if we have that opportunity in the next life you know with the Lord.

If we can meet these characters which I'm pretty confident were going to. I do want to get in the line to meet King David because there's you know there's something about that warrior thing that I'd love to just sit with him around the fire and ask him what that was like, but you also mentioned the book that he demonstrated some passivity that really hurt his leadership described well first of all, he should've been on the battlefront. When kings go to war. The Scripture often said that he wouldn't leave his palace, so he's not leading and then unit one of the best statements I've ever heard is that when he actually began to scheme to do away with Bathsheba's husband Uriah. He got them drunk.

This is a great statement you are.

I was a better man drunk David was over that moment in his life and with things like that really really stick with me. James Dobson used to say that David may have been in a midlife crisis unit. We believe he was somewhere between 40 and 50 H. During that time and he struggling in one of things I always talk about. I remember an interview years ago from your broadcast and I think was Robert Whitehurst and really what he was talking about his midlife crisis and you. You may make some stupid decisions in that tunnel. Be careful in the tunnel because when you come out your face all that stuff right and so that's what happened to David.

Those things happen and so we gotta be careful numbers.

You must stay vigilant. What you do when a leader doesn't lead someone always rises up, that's right. And that's exactly what happened. So when David began to vacate his place.

Absalom rose up and so and all the problems are great and remember to.

I believe all of that wasn't a fallout from his poor decisions because it was tight Mars issue after then. I mean, it was just the whole family began to rumble.

There was a day that we talked about the umbrella of protection over family and that like is the priest I'm sort of the covering of my family. But if I begin to have all these holes in my covering. It doesn't just affect me, it affects the whole family and I've seen that time and time again I've seen me and that it made real poor choices. Then I watched it trickle down to their children and so one of the fears and even one of the disciplines of my life as I will not only be thankful for Jesus like I will be faithful to Janet's site for Deanna and for Holly for four grandchildren for all of my extended friends and family. Why don't we miss that. Why do so many men not understand that responsibility I think would we compartmentalize our lives and we move in the areas often times of our weakness. This is strictly the newest thing that's happening in my heart about preaching on repentance right now. What does repentance look like I want to deal with that probably would a group of men this coming Thursday night and I thought about this man really are dealing with entitlement, personal entitlement, we hate to see someone else's life. He feels he deserves this.

But in a way that's what we're saying when we choose not to follow God's moral standard. I deserve this.

And so we deal with it. Agent Rogers used to say dealing with the first John passage that says that we have the pride of life, the lust of the eyes in the lust of the flesh. He said every wrong we ever day can be summed up in those three or so that pride of life, you begin to say I deserve this.

I'm a man I've worked for this and that entitlement comes in.

So whatever as in the garden are as lust for in our flesh desires and realizing I try to tell me in that your flash. Not only is it not redeemed, it never will be. That's not part of the resurrection. It is really best.

Going back to the earth and all God can do with the flesh skillet and that's why the reformers said that you better mortify the deeds of the flesh, you better you better murder put to death the deeds of the flesh, and we don't take that as Sears as well to and it costs Johnny let's go back your story, but no I never became a pool player really only in my basement with my toys but note the school of hard knocks kind of single parent mom was my background as well.

I did have the courage to walk into a pool hall like I live life pretty straight, but I want to get back to shore. Because so much I can feel it. So much of what you've learned. Even with great mentors like Dr. Adrian Rogers and others, you probably learned a lot in the gutter. If I could said that way about human personality.

What it means to be a man of strength. It let's go back there for a bit and talk about what you experience as a teenager in a big boy's world in a man's world. What were you discerning as that teenage boy one pastor introduced me one time cost is 30 years ago and is one of a statement she can't forget so much. We can't remember, but he said Leisa Jim Amanda speaking to us today. Is he streetsmart and it stuck with me and because I did, I learned how to survive in the streets in the pool rooms they were, you know, a lot of Fox and you either had to get tougher get out because they found out you weren't tough. Everybody picked on you, but so here I am my mother's working so I'm ashamed of this but it's just who I am. I started drinking at a very young age.

I mean, since I've grandchildren only like to say how young it is unbelievable. And that's a story of how I got it so that begin to happen.

And then I began to steal some been arrested for stealing and arrested for fighting been arrested for drunk driving. So this is all all in my past, but where God use that sometimes people say when you're converted he begin to gradually change. Spurgeon said that when he was converted he lost 80% of his vocabulary with me got immediately change my language my heart, I mean immediately that night I became a new creation. I know all things were passing away, but it was so radical that people literally begin to reach out and say we saw you have a look the same one under heaven. So that's how I became a witness and that's why I lead nationally now. I became a witness out of people's questions and a burden for them. People come witness today for training cited miss the passion part of it.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy so I try to change that direction in a person's life. So I begin to just lead some people to Christ. The church I was in was like 35 years old vendor greatest your baptism because I baptized all these people that baptize the owner of the poolroom. He said he said you not to work for me anymore and I said I need to quit JC and he said what happened and when I told him he said can you come to my house until Eva and what happened in that night he surrendered to Jesus.

He sold the poolroom about a Tom's peanut truck and you can't make the stories up and got got change left and then many of my friends. I mean, the hard-core friends of that day are pastors Donald Pope is a pastor he's been a pastor last 30 years, Donald got a knife fight when I was winning and I felt like I was going killing but hundred 25 stitches in his chest.

Donna was a pastor in Aiken, South Carolina coming said the eye of the stories of people you know that what it's amazing that all of the Lord is working and they really really was and and I was being discipled before discipleship school. Let me let me ask you the ticket back to the person who said you want to come to church on Sunday was this name was and why yes and he was a carpenter because of his consistency he would seemingly say we should come to church to me. Here's what church was.

I never owned the Bible and no one in my family, church, no one so basically here's how I process church religious nonreligious. I'm nonreligious, not good or bad, not saved or lost.

You respected yeah just last night for me but then he would say this, here's where he caught my attention.

Hey, you know, Drew, Todd, you don't know true Todd hey seem likely well to be honest, I have at least come poolroom everyday Jesus Christ change his life.but again we mean Jesus Christ hey Johnny, don't you know that Joyner boys who don't notice you don't mess with the Joyner boys. I mean, I know them all. Robert Alford, Roy, what about yeah same heavy Jesus change their life and in God was using that like what do you mean so. Finally, my wife said you know we are to go to church if we go were going to Longleaf. That's where these guys went and that's where Mr. Pridgen invited me so I went however you I was 2020 and Mary got married I was 18. She was 17, 17 days, and now I know the language but I didn't but I got a conviction which conviction the simplest explanation is God exposes your need in his presence. For instance, if a person goes in the church and are not a conviction, they may just look around and say I was good is he is as good as she is. But when Jesus begins the deal you see yourself in your sinfulness. In light of his holiness. And that's where the brokenness in the contrite heart comes so there was a morning where the pastor said there's a young man here probably got stealing Willie he said here's our closing prayer. Everyone agree with me. God brings them back tonight and sanctioning what Ida GT I would leave there and go to Holly Ridge dragstrip. I was a drag racer Saga race sauce. I'm heading home. A lysis where you going sit home when I want to dragstrip I said no she said was that was me. So I said I had your number 09. God knows your name.

So I went back that night, but listen to what I did. I was going to red Fox saloon. I was gambling. There was drinking there couple nights a week so I said to my wife. If Jesus Christ so that preacher said he is and he can change me inside. I think I'm ready.

But if he don't, you need to commit to me. Now you're not going to help me because I can't change and deal, but here's what she said I didn't know how to tell you because I have been living right but my grandmother took me to church but I don't see her that much and I made the same decision and I know I was different until I met you and said but and I should've probably never dated you or married you, but I'm going to go back tonight and I want to get my life right with the Lord and I want to be baptized. I'm not been baptized, and she said not really believe if you'll surrender he'll change you, but I was so shy GM near the end I got nervous. I looked over and I said when Mr. Gibson makes the call go forward and tell them I want to be site even though you gotta do that I can't do it for you and that's willing to call me and this is an individual bill brought used to say it is my favorite part of four spiritual laws. You must individually receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and so I did and then Janet and I were baptized. The next Sunday night and it images start a journey, but Mr. Pridgen MW Pridgen yeah I mean that is amazing and that is the gospel does feel right at the end here Johnny, I want to touch on something we we kind of glanced at it, but this issue of pride and you know what you were in the pool hall even though you're young man you were street allies and your racing, your GTO by the way, I'm jealous. I left 67 classic yeah the big engine with 435 hp for Steve and I will talk to Quadra jet. It would fly but that idea of pride and how do we as men that's kind of that seed that's in us in our flesh. I'm thinking of the guy that is here in us. He's like this is resonating with them because it's real. How does he let his pride down you know when Jesus said in Luke 923 mandate comes after me one. First thing she said is not himself. Yet the say no to self warn weird speaking.

I love the quote Lisa have been with the Lord longest what preacher doesn't have at least a volume is there preacher to have a volume in this generation of warn weird Wesley did a study and it's radically challenge me.

He said he he studied did Jesus ever mention a single characteristic of his own life. He said Jesus never sent. I'm holy.

Peter said that Jesus never said I love Johnson, but Jesus is say I am meek and lowly learn of me.

Matthew 1129 the only characteristic one were to be could find up where Jesus with his own lips, referring to a trait with humility and so on and serve it in a so basically we do have tumblers up what's keeping Amanda soliciting us today from saying yes to Jesus. Is this pride eases what he said his five letters and right in the middle is and that's the biggest problem.

Here's a fact. I've never had as much trouble with anyone in my life as I have with me. I've never had to confess anyone sins is much as I have mine.

I've never had to ask forgiveness from anyone as much to have the father for my own rebellion, we humble ourselves. He's made provisions where he not only cleanses and forgives of all of the evil of our heart, he empowers us by the Holy Spirit that we no longer have to say yes he empowers some not able alone. Always surrender but through the power of Jesus. If I am controlled by the spirit. I will not for feel the lust of the flesh and so he's made away Junior heel told me great evangelist delight myself in the Lord to give you the desires of your heart. He said Johnny I'm praying for you. Don't ever let your desires trump your delight.

Some of my desires become stronger than who I delight in.

I become devious. Well, there is an equation pestered Johnny.

This is been terrific and that's the beginning I want to come back next time continue our discussion get into more of those things that trip us up as men and hopefully inform the women who love us, our wives why we think and act the way we do.

So if you're willing to do that, let's do that and I want to invite you to get a copy of this book by Johnny Hunt unspoken what men won't talk about and why and if you can make a gift of focus for any amount will send it as our way of saying thank you you can afford it will get it out you trusting that others will cover the cost of that we believe in the message we want to help you in your walk with Christ, if you don't know the Lord wants you to call us and talk to one of our counselors and will have some additional information resources for you as well you get in touch.

Contact us today call for that book don't. As you can and then you have the booklet coming home. It's online world can send a copy for number is 800 K family on the link in the on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team here.

Thanks for joining us today is next time will continue the conversation with pastor Johnny Hunt and once again help you and your family thrive when a woman discovers her husband struggled with pornography.

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