Developing Your Leadership Skills as a Woman

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Don't let culture dictate your values and your priorities. You can have a career you can have it all got gay and she is with us again on Focus on the Family. Thanks for joining us your hostess focus president Dr. Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller as Pres. of Focus on the Family leadership topic is close to my heart is so important and hopefully the strategies that I've learned and studied in deployed are things that I can use not only in running Focus on the Family, but also at home. Maybe not exactly the same but similar for women leadership is a key narrative right now whether it's in the workplace or in the home and over the last few decades we've seen a rise of women leaders in the culture. There's more women in the workforce than ever before, and over the last few decades, we seen a rise of women leaders in our culture, and there's no doubt that their influence is having a lifelong impact right here focus.

We cherish and honor the special inequalities got his gifted all individuals and if he's called you into the leadership of any kind. You'll want to stay with us today is Deborah pig day examine some of those traits that make an effective leader.

Whether you're male or female and I would lean into that if your man you can learn some good things to gather some great principles here for all of us step up again continues to be one of our most popular guests. She has spent many years as a leader in the corporate world.

She's a CPA. She's written a number of books including lead like a woman in confidence, navigate obstacles, empower others, and I will encourage you to stop by Focus on the Family.com/broadcast for your copy Deborah welcome back to focus were still doing this remotely and I'm hopeful that sometime in the near future will have you back in person, but that will do what we need to do in the moment.

Let me start with your experience in various corporations. I mean, you have worked at the top of corporate America and I'm sure learn many things were talking about.

You've coached a variety of of women to do well in the workplace and their leadership roles. What have you observed when it comes to the differences in leadership styles between men and women testing women, some of them have decided that leadership is a man's domain listen to the culture that I need to ship differences and I believe that God has given women since specific female traits that position them to excel in leadership and I'm delighted to talk about those dear, that's great.

And that's a good place to start those traits and characteristics that strong leaders possess, and specifically what women bring to the leadership skill set. Let's start with a couple of those collaboration and resourcefulness. Yes, I love the fact that we like collaboration even that where it needs to work together and that's what we do. We like the concept of team and we bring that to the table. We don't have a superego that tries to dry band like the long range I can do it all by myself. We know that not a best is a smart ass out of us and so we like that and we need to bring to the table to not have to try to lead like a man, and that the whole concept. Don't try to be a man. Don't try to emulate man bring your entire woman to the table. Now you know right at the onset, here we go to differentiate because some will misunderstand what you're saying they think you're man bashing that's not what you're saying right. Women just bring different elements as are wired differently that one right there is a great example. Men tend to be loners.

We do lead somewhat isolated at times we gotta make decisions. It also can make a man a good decision-maker because they get so many inputs, and in their ready to go, but women are collaborative and lead in that collaborative sense that your point correct exactly my point. I guess Matt male bashing, I just leaned quite into the Scriptures that God gave us already in the garden when he said to go in and populate the earth. I can't imagine let them say how do it my way and said I'll do it, but I so appreciate gather together and touch on resourcefulness is another quality trait. How does that work differently with women and men in leadership because of different ways to do things we don't get stuck in it. One way to do it and what I like about it is that we are proud to just not looking to just what we know will look for other people to help us will reach out what you know, how can you bring what you what you have to the table and empower me as well and so most of on. I think this exclusively men do not practice everything I say with that such uniquely feminine assembly got predominantly so you know that you know we don't mind asking for the old men never ask for directions problem right we won't stop and ask a word that we get there is not the way we want to do to find our way. Let's move to another essential skill for strong leadership and that's communication, I think, especially when you're working in an organization or company, etc. communications probably always the weakest link because people want to know more than typically management shares or may be able to share. I don't know. So speak to the communication leadership style communicators test the topic of just talking is informing people just what's going on. I worked at a job what's where I kept my accounting department informed on the company's status as a nonprofit.

I went people to know at least when I left I got so many because they're saying now we when you told us where we work because that's important.

I always say grows in the dark well but mushrooms and misunderstandings like that and so that's what we do we keep people informed when we know how to do that and we don't feel like we need to keep it a secret because is empowering to know something nobody else knows that's not good. Sometimes we think of good communication is being you know, people listen to the top or people listen to management in a corporate context, but the idea that good communication also involves the other direction. Listening well when you're leading and how do you differentiate that with men and women, then the skill set. There listening and you might think this is a challenge but woman, but it isn't because we love to understand people. I like to say the same. Let us espouse spell important that we like to tell stories. I went we like to be bondable like that encourages feedback and is nothing wrong with encouraging feedback with any endeavor I do I like to know I need my family and I like to know how's this working we do it better. I want to be open to that kind of communication that's communication as well solicit feedback. The other attribute with women that I think there's more to cover throughout the time here, but another one is this idea of nurturing and I think you know politically incorrect statements abound in the culture, but I think this idea that women are bent toward nurturers so true it's in a woman's character to be nurturing knows that every woman of course not there to be some people to fall outside the norm. Women generally are nurturing people.

I mean, that's something that they learn as a as a wife as a parent, etc. speak to that nurturing concept in a in a corporate endeavor in leadership and when we nurture the development of the people in their scales and ambitions in their dreams and listen. People are much more engaged when they know that you are concerned about their personal development people that I seem to work scales but need some development in another area and I you read this book let's take this class so that you can develop that skill makes more people skills. Even if it's just what technical skills that would get them on a different track by different track of advancement and also the kinds of things that nurturing shop scene is tough and strong like the guys that want work for women and I'm here to tell you when I try to be automatic. Anyway, when I try to bash them want to learn from them because there is a time when we made we know how to make those two that developing someone is a good trait that you had with Carl who illustrates the point.

What happened with Carl. Some of the fire Carl but what did you do what and interview for the job and then he really didn't have the skills but just take a quick read trail because most women won't apply for job they don't have the qualifications. This is what the study shall a man would apply if he has 50% because when they see the work required reading desired but can't apply the skills. What he actually did the job. He said the accounting system I said you need that already can be that hard, but you knew that I had a high expectation and he kept giving me around and see we just demanded an answer. You do that you just stop and think about what you're saying. He said that come from.

I really want to hear about it and was very critical and you have an answer so I say this I want you to think about.

If you don't know that I'm giving you permission to say I don't know. That's good. What a great example of what needs to be done. Motivation seems to fall in line with nurturing, but there's a fine line between motivation and manipulation. Now we might be talking about another aspect of the genders, but speak to that motivation versus manipulation. How woman leader needs to be careful about manipulation. Patient is about the other person. What I need to get you so that you feel moved to follow the track I sent out patient is based on what I want is really about me, focus, and sometimes I'll use fear.

Maybe I'm gonna have to find you. I'm not having to do this job.

I will use even simpler than you know. I'm just I've been sick and I really need some I did. To do this we have to like that manipulation. We have to watch that kind of syndrome iconic where women actually moving people to have a solid about us and women are known sometimes with doing that we don't have to do that. We know motivate and are seated in the Scriptures are seated in my own like this sometimes you find out what is that person need that place anymore responsibility is what motivates you. So we need to discern that and that's what we do as women and you another great example were both men and women need to be biblical in their leadership. Christians particularly. Obviously you don't want to manipulate away from a characteristic of God.

That's it. That's a foundational principle for everyone you along those lines to Brown wondering if there is somebody in Scripture that you see that really motivated well out of a good good heart with some good outcomes story of Deborah motivated her army Said this and God has called you to do this, I'll go with the saga with I want to get you to move and keep that in my trying to get people to move one place to another. And a lot of times I need to inspire something in you to do that and so that's where it really comes in. You use an intuition that they know me that says this is what that person's needs. That's what that person needs. I'm looking beyond what is doing now and I see here that this is something that could cause them to want to move in the direction I'm trying to relate to Deborah in your book lead like a woman, you sure story of a time when you can't believe you did this job but it was an aerospace budget director is a marketing person. Can I just say oh my goodness. Why was that such a challenge for you and how did your intuition and God's grace in that regard serve you in that role other than the patient's to do it.

I want to tell you that I was an action high back in the day when they needed a black person disability position. I had skills, but I do know that industry and so there were times when I just I just didn't know they had a mentor assigned a mentor she didn't like that idea mentoring me that at any rate, there were times I would just say God help me with this job and he went many time just let me prepare a report I just asserting analysis and I mean invariably just became miscarried at the frequency in which it happened, they would report it would just be the very point we had done what I learned that you don't show up in your own skills and your own education you bring back to the table but you depend on God to reveal what you really need is so good.

Don't write me. I love all the budget people out there.

I'm just teasing some people required for that.

Some people are likely Deborah what's the difference between intuition and discernment because I think that that's critical for everybody.

Intuition is that success that God gives us. We just know we can suspect the presence motivation we can understand what they're thinking. I've been on calls like somebody felt like they wanted to say something and the leader wasn't being sensitive to that and I'll send a note and say so-and-so wants to say something but I was that inner knowing that come from the Holy Spirit but does discernment.

That's when you can know the decision to make discerning between this or that we have that we quick we can think about it we can stop and think about were not so driven that we don't understand that something beyond what we're saying is going on.

You know I'm thinking of the very first house we ever bought together. My wife and I looked through this house and I was ready to buy the fact that we can afford this. It meets our needs and she just said I would not buy a house from that realtor for anything she was bringing that level of intuition to the table that I would've totally missed.

I was so grateful for that. Were talking today with Deborah Begay on Focus on the Family and she's got a great book.

It's called lead like a woman and will encourage you to get a copy when you get in touch are numbers 880 family or stop by the episode notes the link will be right there for you and Deborah again to reset this their people and churches joining us, but touch again on this idea of in the workplace female leadership, etc. it's part of the culture where we live today and that may have been different in biblical times with gender roles, and what took place but speak to that concept of leadership in and really God's perspective on that. I'm not necessarily directing this at the church hierarchy, but I'm talk about in the workplace. Yes, God is called women to lead he's given us careers and callings. And it's a matter of understanding that embracing that the traits that he's given us and so we talked about the fact that I not identify identify 12 traits that women have of being a collaborative and communicative bench and nurturing and all those things and being 700 or whatever, but these are things I got is given us and we have to manage them and that's important. But we also don't want to bend them because they're not chasing nobody associated with Mensch but I'm encouraging women to work together with men because that's toxoid it so I don't want women dashing man bemoaning the fact that men of advanced faster than women. That's a reality that's our reality, less scope while it is a new day, but we also want to do this a God honoring way.

So that's the whole goal of this conversation excellent in the grade book lead like a woman Deborah as a leader you want to present strength and confidence is key resources. Again, I think you think of men and strength and confidence that tends to be an attribute there women can do that as well, but it might be a little outside of their core again were stereotyping to degree because of the conversation but why is strength and confidence are critical leadership in this interesting gem that went Harvard and others universities about studies they studied the competencies of women in leadership competence of women and men.

Women excel out of the tent but to that they don't excel in this competence and risk-taking. What about what you have been challenged in developing confidence because we been told that that's not our role, and we apologize God has called us to roll and so we have to understand competence means with trust and when we come to the table, not just relying on our own strength to tell you that I was speaking somewhere. The lady came up to me and she says I'm going be taking the CPA exam and I have a nervous wreck. I said why she sat I just don't know I said I don't show up in my own skills and abilities. I want to show up knowing God is empowered me if he has called me to do this work.

I don't worry about whether or not I have the ability to do it. I just everyday depend on him and I learned that in the job qualifications that leads to the next part which is resilience. I think you know resilience is probably the greatest leadership trait because you have to get through difficult etc. how do women stack up with resilience in their leadership roles.

We have the ability to keep bouncing back because emotionally we don't really get that devastated but a lot of us tend to sulk and so that's I'm going to manage that thing that that ability to just bounce back to keep moving forward. If you are discriminated against because you women don't just give up. The site is not for me. Just keep going for what just keep pushing forward. I'm loving reading the stories of women who are entering politics will beans.

I joined the White House staff work in Congress allowed these women have stories of having just keep pushing back… But each time you push back you develop my muscle that's out works in the gym and SI works in leadership development by resisting pressure get stronger as a great analogy Deborah. You mentioned a trio of truths when it comes to problems.

What are those and what are the strategies for handling adversity.

What I always said that I thought the IRS of trouble and you gonna have to know that adversity is commonplace and we just have to get a mindset when Outlook things always go well psychotic IRS of trouble. I guess what inevitable trouble. Adversity is inevitable, so don't expect things to happen things happen you develop strength by resisting pressure and that's the our IRS and it is seasonal when you have a mindset that this too will pass.

No matter what, and sometimes even yesterday.

I was so overwhelmed with something I was doing and I just stopped and I said okay God was the best use of my time in the next hour would you have me to do right now. And actually, the answer was take a break. Walk around the block and so that's we know we just have an IRS mindset was trouble. One of the great attributes of resiliency is flexibility.

Yet a great story in the book about the oak tree describes the Oaktree story and how it proves flexibility wins about the fact it was just an example that we found a house that was a read at an oak and when the wind has been experiencing in my hometown today. The wind just Going to read over and over, but it didn't break but finally gave into the pressure and broke you seen somebody say Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape is flexible to have a flexible mindset says okay this may not be working but maybe this will and not just get stuck because that's a good leader doesn't get stuck in my way. A good leader is available in an open to a different way of doing things and so when you know you don't get so I guess it was just stuck like this has to be know it doesn't.

Deborah values or principles define a leader you have to have a guiding star a lot of leadership courses will talk about the Norstar what you're aiming for and how you leave.

What are some of the key values we should cling to. How do we reconcile is standing firm in her principles while remaining flexible back to the great word principal driven leaders in another study showed that women tend to be what focused on that mantle and principle that will more likely to say no, this is what I believe and listen. We have to be know our integrity and our fairness in all of those things that that that many move people forward and so on. And that is we don't compromise we don't backstab not to say that other people do. But we don't play those games that try to disadvantage somebody so that we can be advantaged. We know that promotion come from God, according to Psalm 75. It comes from God.

And so while we don't always get the promotions we want, but we know that we can do things that compromise our principles because that is important for leader to be known is that and when you are. People embrace you and want to follow you. Lets at the end here. Let's bring up the example and that's Jesus is the servant leader is probably 400 books have been written, but he demonstrated the concept of having that servants her to Corsi wash the disciples feet at the Last Supper. He, you know, demonstrated what he wanted them to do and how he wanted them to treat people by doing it himself or them, what benefits come from servant leadership as Jesus showed us what the best known, as you said and written about the fact that it pays to have a servant heart we serve.

But here's the deal. We have to watch it again I say these are traits that we have to embrace but managed women will over serve and so we want to make sure that we come serving. We know we wouldn't get our hands dirty when willing to get in the trenches – is a site about humility, but we have to really watch how we recently split shot time and I Talon I treasure even in nonprofits. All for-profits are in our community. We Overserved and we watch that because I found when I went to work with nonprofit love the fact that my call was the last one in the parking lot. I love the fact that they brag that I was such a worker.

That is why you doing that place and I got myself to death. Just about that.

So you got a balance that serving thing to make sure that you can say no and yes I tell her, but here's how to say no you say I have another commitment because whatever Mr. yourself, you write it on your calendar. Do not put that on my calendar to do something. I say oh I'm booked myself with my time. That's good, Deborah. Women tend to be very perfectionistic.

It's not a bad trait that can be you know a difficult one to want to be perfect on everything you do on the test in your job, speak to that woman who is striving for that perfection in everything she does.

How does she balance home and work.

I mean you you touching on that there book that in your appointments, but you know there's so much going on.

There is so difficult. Then you start feeling guilty that you book that time. In the appointment at 4 o'clock or 5 o'clock but that woman who is striving for that perfection. How does she get out of that rat trap yes because it is a killer.

But you have to understand that perfectionism is really fearing being criticized and so when you talk about the difference between Appian and be an excellent and so we just want to hold things have to be done exactly this way and why does it have to be done that way. I found that what I wanted to be perfect.

I want to be criticized when anybody when my capitation by messing something up with was all about me, but when I decided to pursue excellence. I want to do it well because he needs to be done. Well then that's different.

But when we come to this whole idea of guilt, ask yourself what did I do wrong because guilt is that you get from having done something wrong. If you have done something wrong. Need to abandon the guilt and stick with just priorities. I do a lot of working women feel guilty. They have to leave home and lead their children whenever and yet they been called to do things and as a matter of priorities should be a priority. We know that in God's book and in the biblical perspective family is priority guy now is my priority. That's a lot of things on Fridays at my date night but does have a career because I have date night. I just make sure the priority is always a priority and I don't listen to the culture to set my priorities. I had a hyperlink paying job and when I decided to quit because mom was telling me.

I believe God is coming to going this direction. People set the first one who happen to you representing all women know you represent yourself, you represent your commitment to God inside challenged women who are already in the culture. You are already selling. Don't let the culture dictate your values and your priorities. You can have a career you can have it all but I say all that God wants.

I don't want all this decided to find. I want all that God has for me is timing. Sometimes we can have it all at once.

That's why we have to be sensitive to what God is saying.

You can pursue this now because you children of God are you you have that covered. You have good spousal support.

This is been so good and I hope people are hearing you weave spiritual truth, biblical truth, godly truth into what were talking about when it comes to women leading in the workplace lead like a woman.

What a great book full of biblical principle. Thank you so much once again for being with us and bring a perspective that we just don't hear a lot about well done. Thank you so much Jim.

I so appreciate the diverse messages she has so much wisdom to share in these leadership principles can be applied really to just about any situations. I agree and this is why Focus on the Family is here. We want to give you the tools you need to stand for God and honor him in all you do. We have lots of resources to help you like Deborah's great book lead like a woman gain confidence, navigate obstacles, empower others you know real families in crisis. Reach out to Focus on the Family every day for help you can offer them tangible hope.

Whether it's couples on the verge of divorce parents who need biblical advice, expectant mothers considering an abortion or families who are struggling.

You can offer them practical solutions through your supportive Focus on the Family your gift today will share the healing and hope of Jesus Christ as you support our broadcast podcasts counseling resources online and print articles. Life-changing events like hope restored her lifesaving events like option ultrasound. In fact, when you donate today. A gift of any amount will send you a copy of the book by Deborah that we mentioned today lead like a woman as our way of saying thank you for supporting the ministry of Focus on the Family donate and get your copy of lead like a woman gain confidence, navigate obstacles, empower others, it's online just checked the episode notes for you to have a great weekend and plan to join us on Monday as we hear from a couple who were married for 60 years. Dr. David GN Stu about the importance of having emotional intelligence in your marriage that's with was a problem in the beginning of our marriage we didn't understand our emotions. We understand my instant reaction to any kind of criticism or conflict was to get a on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back. As we once again, you and your family thrive in Christ parent are you looking for an informative and encouraging and engaging resource for your teen daughter. Check out the new and improved Frio magazine from us on the family double the original size like format trusted biblically-based magazine provides teen girls with ring stories cultural insight and positive role model teen girl lived out. Subscribe Frio magazine.com real men using.com