How Positive Words Can Change Your Life

So when was the last time someone gave you a genuine compliment and brought a smile to your face work on the opposite end of the spectrum. They said something crush your spirit words are powerful today on Focus on the Family will give you ideas for using your stew improve the lives of others around your hostess focused presidents and other Jim Daly and I jump John there's a verse in Proverbs 16 that says kind words are like honey sweet to the soul and healthy for the body and it's so true that's what you say.

I'm sorry if I've learned all you you only get me honey just I do love but it's true. Even when were joking around jabbing each other that can be hurtful to the recipient every time I call my wife Jean is so joyful on the phone Jason up people. She doesn't answer like hello, your bug me again. It's always positive, and I complimented her on that day because sometimes I can be in the middle of something and I'm not always as sweet to her as she is to me so I'm working on that you can hold me again calls calls that in me business mode. You're right exactly it. You know, and sometimes she so playful I can remember when Dr. Dobson said they we want you to be president. I came home and said there hey guess what, and I remember saying I'm a thunk it, and I laughed and she said thank you to take the trash out like I will do that and she gave that wife I like oh yeah, you could still do that today. We do want to talk about the power of words and specifically a wonderful book by Sharon James the power of woman's work and sharing is a writer. She's former vice president of Proverbs 31 ministries. She's a wife and a mom in his written over 20 books. As you said Jim this book. There were and really zero in on today. We do have it at the website.

It's called the power of woman's words how the words you speak shape the lives of others.

And I gotta say, I'm thinking through the lens of a guy.

These are going to be really good session points for me to keep in mind we want to get the book, but I wouldn't put it on your wife's pillow. Think of another club. Sharon welcome back to focus. Thank you to be here.

It's so good to have you again and it's been a long time, but man the power of words.

What a great topic.

I want to start with the voicemail incident. As I shared that with Jean as I was getting ready early this morning and she loved that story I think mostly because it connected with her heart. She lived that in a different way, but share that incident with us will have gone on a walk with one of my neighbors we would if summer usually go about 3 miles and we were talking about her husband's job about raising boys and then when we got to her house.

She was talking about decorating and she was talking pain swatches and just look at that with me and I said sure, and acid is with with girls you know when and in the next thing I knew it was 10 o'clock goodness. My husband Steve is can be so worried about me and can call them and let them know I met your house and that everything's fine. Well I called him and the voicemail picked up an Alta at the time as an answer machine was right before we switched over voicemail and that just take me out and I thought even care 10 o'clock and I left this message very caustic and I said Steve can't tell it's not that Catherine's but obviously you don't even care because you want to pick up the phone and hung that up and started walking him in the dark in the way of woman's mind works. I'm sure he didn't pick up the phone to he doesn't care for him anymore is quite amazing and I saw him coming. He was riding on his bicycle looking for you not like talking about and I like nevermind that was the first thing I did when the price that voicemail course before you get here. Well, two days later he called me from the office.

He said have you listen to the message on the voicemail he said cell phone, home phone and listen to it. Call the home phone if this is what it says little sweet southern voice.

He preached the James residents were unable to answer the phone right now and then a switch to this account to let you know if that Catherine's not to be worried about where I am but obviously don't care because you will pick up the file and then this will sound, phone companies in the world happened in the South. It was the summer we had a understory lightning apparently struck 1/2. So what you got got those two messages come paint and I like so still small voice of God heard my heart God saying to me and so and I wonder how many people it heard that, but it was such a reminder to me how quickly we as women can go back and forth between blessing and cursing me and Justin and I don't mean swearing at me. Just saying positive words and saying negative words and in just a few seconds.

That was such a picture to me that I need to be careful with my words and how quickly I can get that right between positive and I so appreciate that a course men do it too, and I get it. We don't need that correction if you're feeling like you need to email us because today were just concentrate on the power of a woman's words because that's the title of Sharon's book. And again. Maybe someday your husband might write the other end of this right.

The power of a man's words ministry is toward women said that's what has that on the copper. I know Superman to write and I know someone's thinking you know were bashing women today. Not at all, but I do I do want to highlight that how that resonated with Jean to me and she has had a couple of examples that and that that rumination that catastrophe, location, and creating a new note but making it catastrophe out of something that's because women you know their brains are wired you guys are firemen in every direction, guys, we come afire on one line.

You guys are firing on a dozen part of the reason is just our brain chemistry. But why do we so often act like the person described in James three that's really where you mentioned it on the one hand were blessing people in the with the same mouth as the Scripture says were cursing people is a just sinfulness what I just think it is the sin nature, and that can cause us to do that. I think also it can come from worst week.

We have heard growing up how I have been programmed how our minds have been programmed to react to different situations so we know that when we come to Christ.

Nobody pushes that that delete button for others old messages to go away and that's what we have to reprogram our minds with the truth and not only that, but we have to practice to change the way we speak and this is what so practical about your book. The parable woman's words because you start with an acronym. Think, in which I think is to help people think what is think stand for when you look at the THINK that this is an acronym that will help you think I again think before you speak, but the T stands for. Is this true H is it helpful I is an inspiring and is it necessary, and K is a kind that is a lot to think about before the words come out of your mouth it is and there is a verse in Philippians. Also that isn't very long CF to sift out works through to think about before they come out of our mouths, but it is a good think acronym is a good way to look at our words but we have to take the time to do that and I think also we have to reprogram my mind as I mentioned earlier with this acronym said that our knee-jerk reactions and the words that come out of our mouths quickly can be become different and that's why had these lists in the books in many practical lists because these lists will help us to reprogram our minds into practice saying they system supports not to say, and a list of words to get to those, but I want to build the background a little bit here because something you mentioned the book to that these things can start early in your life and not come from kind of Irish oriented family and this isn't know you disparaging at all but were pretty quick to cut each other down in a humorous way. We laugh at each other and that kind of thing, but some of these patterns can get set early in your life how you banter with your siblings how your parents interact with you, etc. is no joking at another person's expense, the way your family operates.

You were impacted by the power of loving words as a young person. Describe what happened and maybe both the negative aspect and then the positive and how it was like a drop of water to your thirsty soul but let's talk about the -1st time I was raised in a home where my parents fought a lot this verbally and physically in and put them talking about my parents in this negative way. You know none of us have a standalone story. They had their own struggles with the way they were raised, dad was the youngest of six children. He was raised by single mom while his dad died when he was five and this was on the heels of the depression when they were struggling to survive. That was tough. My mom was a middle child of 12 raised on a farm Baptist said they brought the struggles they had into the marriage that we were not standalone volume appearance has struggles to really know how to do family or marriage. They got married at 18, had two kids pretty quickly and they thought they were angry at each other all the time it seemed. And they fall verbally and physically. So I've watched my dad hit my mom. I watched her him back and they used horrible words with each other works were basically a weapon in my home, and consequently the worst I spoke to their children were very harsh. I don't remember loving words from either one of my parents growing up I remember instructions. I remember being criticized always felt as a child that I was just not enough. I wasn't good enough daughter. I wasn't smart enough, and I remember going off to school and struggling with spelling.

I was a terrible speller and I remember my teacher making me aware of the work THD because I had trouble with the my friends say what's wrong with you. Are you stupid these words were ingrained in me and I watched my parents responded to each other and I had those negative words spoken to me and I felt like I am not enough.

I will never piano lessons insurmountable share in the minutes a lot emotionally. It was a lot emotionally, but God don't you love those words favorite words in Scripture.

But God didn't meet me. That way when I was about 12 years old I started spending a lot of time on the next block with my little redheaded friend Wanda and she had a different family. They were happy. They hugged and kissed each other in front of the kids I'd never seen that before.

But here's the thing is that Mrs. Henderson showered me with positive parts she would tell me you look so pretty today. I'm so proud of you for doing this. I'm so proud of you for doing that and she told me about Jesus and eventually I began to tell her what was going on in my home and I would spend a lot of my nights at the Henderson's time in Michigan to tell me about heavenly father has left me so much that he gave his son for me and you know what my family is bad as we were.

We went to church on Sunday, but I had not heard that message I started hearing this message about God's love with me from this woman and when I was 14 I was at her house one night, she asked me if I was ready to accept Jesus. That is a much longer story. We don't have to accept the Christ did this woman. Here's the rack miraculous thing after accepting Christ through the works of this woman, I got that come into this violent family right and that part didn't check that part didn't change that I was praying my little group of 14 your friends that were Christians were praying and this is a story for another time, but I give you the cliff notes when I was 17 my mom accepted Christ when I was 21. My dad accepted Christ. Where did it start from the words of this one woman on the next block that changed a little girl's life and those words eventually change that mom's life and that that that's powerful.

That's the whole point of the program right. The power of a woman's words dear Mrs. Henderson was my jeans.

Mrs. Anderson and she had that neighbor to she was best friends and it was her friend Linda's mom who really poured into her to just kind of accepted her for who she was and loved on her and gave her positive words just like Mrs. Anderson you have for you. And when we have children and especially teenage children that might have some friends that come into our home and we have a decision to make. That might not be the kind of kids would particularly want our children hanging out with met don't think I was the kind of kid that I would've wanted my 14 your girl hanging out with that she looked past that and we kept that question to ask ourselves what we cannot this child down. He's already been knocked down by life or going to use our words to build that child up and help them to see the potential that they have some great encouragement to consider.

Your perspective is your interacting with others and our guest Sharon James has this book the power of a woman's words of the word you speak shape the lives of others do get a copy of this premise of the link is in the episode notes or numbers 800 the letter in the word family share when it comes to words in marriage. You know we talked about the power being that child received affirmation words of affirmation forgets that that way you learned a powerful lesson. I love the simplicity of this from your family dog and what did you observe that your dog could do that somehow you were struggling to do open my son was five or so.

We gave him his first dog Ginger golden retriever and it was his pet but I was the one who took care of it but love my husband more than anyone so she had a very cushy life, tasty squirrels every now and then but mainly she would just lie around in the driveway that it was so amazing even that she was so lazy at 533 blocks from my home when my husband would turn the corner to come into the neighborhood she would just but she had so much energy she would run around in circles and why she would wind like and Dave would come into the garage open the door. They did this every day open the door, she would put her head on his lap and rub her head in her tail quack quack. The garage wall and it was just the best part of her day in office watching that thought. No wonder a dog is called man's best friend let you know when God created man and said is not good for man to be alone. He did not create a dog. He created woman with words and I had to ask myself do I react to my husband the way that Ginger reacts should not be a little bit more excited when he comes home from work and is kind of a joke.

Now that I love you again some people you know they get offended by that a woman is not were not saying that you're not saying that but it's the attitude right. That's the lesson taught was while and then let me ask you mean that change your behavior you observed this, but how does that translate into your life toward your husband Steve actually had a conversation about rotting up for you to put it on the line. Well that's straight and you like. Sometimes I get after him. So is not always him to write on the market. I'm sitting there eating bonbons you don't know because I I worked to say that I said when you come home. What kind of response would you like for me and was very simple.

Just get me hocked up to me every bad thing that happened today yet not yet sent gimme gimme a little time but just get me stop what you're doing and give me a hug wanted you know now when I'm I might be upstairs working, writing, and I hear him come home and stop doing that we give him a big deal, but that's what he wanted and said that affected okay so I'm hearing in my ear you know that that spouse that saying what you don't know my husband or you don't know my wife shall never change will never change. What about that defeatist attitude when it comes to observing through. Maybe that love of a dog for the owner attitude. How do we have hope for spouses and how do we express it in a way that's kind of encouraging thinking to be an interesting question. If you do have a dog.

Why does my husband love that dog really seriously and asked that question the dog doesn't knack.

It's always happy to see asked those questions that force that defeatist attitude of my husband is never going to change you know it's not my job to change my husband. It's my job to love and respect him and it's God's job to change my husband Sharon were coming in for the landing.

But I want to ask you to outline four steps to controlling your word, something very practical for the listeners. Starting with rely on the Holy Spirit walks through those for what the first thing we need to do is to rely on the Holy Spirit hear some good news and some bad.

The bad news is, Scripture says that all kinds of animals can be tame but no man contained the tongue bentonite but the good news is, says that nothing is impossible with God. So, hopefully not.

We cannot do it on. We can't rely on the Holy Spirit to help us. The second thing is to examine our hearts at my country grandmother used to say what is down and the whale will come up in the bucket that Jesus says what is down in the heart will come out of the mouth, but we have to examine our hearts. What is in our hearts and not say the heart. The Bible uses that word to me in our thoughts or motives or feelings or character set receipt of emotions and we have to examine what is in my heart. The third thing is when you need to renew our minds with the treats renew our minds with the acronym we used at the beginning of the broadcast. Is this true, helpful, inspiring, necessary and kind. We renew our mind with God's trace of toxic thoughts produce toxic, tall or toxic words and here's the thing we want to change your actions but you cannot act differently than you think. So if you change your actions. It starts with the mind of the Bible says it doesn't say change your actions right away… Change your thoughts by the renewing of your mind that your actions will follow. And finally, retrain your reflexes. And this comes with prayer and practice that's were going to put this list up on the website so you can have the words to look at and practice saying them to say if you are trying to get a hold of your your tongue, in your words, don't get discouraged and give up if he still blowing only slowly. I love the picture of Jesus cleaning out the temple.

He cleaned up the temple in the beginning of his ministry and then you know what he cleaned it out again at the end of his ministry. He did it twice and I think what happens is we clean up the temple and then you know that she come back and didn't happen at once, here come the few sheet here come the few cows here comes a little more sacrificing. Here comes a little bit more with the money changer and it got louder and louder and crazier and crazier and Jesus had come back in and clean it out again so don't worry this and if Jesus needs to come and cleaned it out again journalists and with a powerful story that you share about 1/3 grade teacher who had no idea that her words change the young man's life forever share that story with us. That was about the story and I remember it often to help me to remember how important my words are but there was a teacher named Maria Sr. Maria, this is actually Catholic school, and she had a class of kids that she left in the third grade but one of the boys Mark back excellent. He was a talker and constantly correct him for talking like he would always say thank you for correcting me teacher but one day she was so frustrated she said Mark if you talk one more time I'm going to put tape on your mouth. The kids were just excited to see if he were talking she would really follow through time when you could actually do this, that he did talk went back there.

Put masking tape X across his mouth and she looked at it and he winked at her that she just couldn't stand it. She took the tape off and he said thank you for correcting me to a like a child I was good, but then he went on to to middle school in time she was changed to a middle school teacher and taught him math and it was the concept that was really difficult for the kids and they were they were just really tense and they were not talking kindly to each other and said finally on a Friday. She said I could put your books away.

I want you to write down everyone's name in the class across the down make a list. Now, with that list.

I want you to write one nice thing about that student said they spent the time put one nice thing about each classmate and she took up the papers and over the weekend. She wrote the name of the student at the top of the paper and all the nice things that the classmates had said about them without many years passed she didn't hear anything about those kids again Mark Eklund on the family but asked her parents picked her up from a vacation, her dad sitting at the Eklund's called last night. She said really you haven't heard from them so long.

How is Mark and he said actually he's in the Army and he was killed in battle, and the funeral is coming up in a couple days and they want you to come so she went to the funeral. She saw that handsome man in his military uniform in the coffin and she thought to herself. I would give the masking tape in the world to hear him talk again will after the funeral. They went to a farmhouse where everyone congregated and his father said, I am so glad you came. I want you to see that this is what I found on Mark when he was killed in service and pulled out this tattered list. They had been folded and re-folded and it was just dirty and soiled and it was that list. Middle school of all the good things, and as they showed it to her.

Some of the other, now adults came up that were in his class and said you know what I said to my list to one girl said chat made me put his list in our marriage photo album and another girl said I had my list and when I change purses. I change it from person to person and another one said, you know, I think we all saved. We all saved her lists and what a profound example of the impact of positive words on the child's life and on adult and that's the case of the little teacher, a woman who had some powerful words and sharing your wonderful book the power of the woman's words, there's no better place than on that story. You people keep it in their heart for sure. Even if they don't keep that in their wallet and that's your point, you know, to speak positively to speak godly things over people and I just want to say thank you so much for sharing that with us. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me and let me turn to the listener. This is a resource that I think you need to know Jean and I are both going to read the book in the finish reading it and I know you will benefit by reading it as well.

So get in touch with us. So join us in ministry here Focus on the Family and make a gift of any amount will send you a copy of Sharon's book the power of a woman's words as our way of saying thank you for standing there for others and helping them to have a marriage that is God centered view apparent that is focused on the child's future and be that positive person in their lives and you can donate and get the book when you call 880 family or stop by the episode notes for the links. And while you're at the website should listen to the extra audio that we have with Sharon about talking to your adult children who have different political views and coming up next time on Focus on the Family how you can respond when your spouse wants to and in the marriage and when you hear those words. I don't love you anymore… Followed by a let's fix this. That's a sinful state. You'll get the say that not sin you have to respond as if they're sinning and confront the same on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team.

Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back your family thrive in Christ