How God Saved Me From Suicide (Part 2 of 2)

I was convinced that nothing can change what was going on in our marriage and I want to try anymore but my commitment to God, help me try one more time. We went to a hope restored marriage intensive and it was life changing. The counselors created the safest environment we could imagine so that let us really talk one a much different course now I believe we received a miracle that week receive your free consultation.

Hope restored.com wiping us to success is to set a spare investment and is just total silence and are they realizing are you crying because you feel like a sense that somebody here wants to get life and I was like and he just like many seasons God has a plan for my is going to dine. What an impactful story from my sister or just left, Focus on the Family I'm Jim Daly today. She's a rock princess and has a ministry performing in some of the darkest bars clubs and concert halls places where God is only a curse word and she's proclaiming the truth and providing the light of the gospel to those very people. But think of where she came from growing up poor, with no dad moving from home to home with six kids and her single-parent mom, Lacey grew up with despair. She felt like she was a burden to everyone around her and then on the day she planned to kill herself. Her grandmother took her to church and that Pastor God bless him, since the power of the Holy Spirit and said those words, God has a plan for your life. And he doesn't want you to die tonight. Could you imagine that maybe you can relate to the pain. Lacey was experiencing. Maybe you're feeling desperate right now are hopeless about your marriage, or a prodigal child who is breaking your heart. This program is exactly for you as we heard last time, and will hear again today God can use this rock 'n' roll her to touch your heart and your focus. We want to offer you the hope that can only be found in God's love and so many of our listeners were really encouraged by Lacey story. When we originally aired this interview and we know that your to find a lot of hope and help here today a contact us if you need counseling or if you want to learn more about resources to help you and your family are number is 800 K in the word family or check out the episode notes to learn more and if you didn't hear part one of our conversation with Lacey ask about getting the CD of it or look for the download or get our mobile app so you can listen on the go. Let me also mentioned that we do have copies of Lacey's book here at Focus on the Family.

I request your copy when you get in touch.

It's called the reason.

How I discovered a life worth living right. Let's go ahead in here now is Jimmy began part two of our conversation with Lacey Sturm on Focus on the Family Lacey.

Let me simply welcome you back to the program thinking I'm a I'm already in tears. And that's not fair. I mean, I love your spirit and your desire to reach those people that don't know the Lord and were to talk more about that in a minute but man what a life you've had so far and you're just in your 30s, I'm old enough to be your dad and I'm hit sit there crying wishing I could have been that pop up for you talk about that void in your heart where you didn't have a dad to say hey darlin', I love you I care about you. What kind of impacted that make on you as a 1314-year-old girl my email and we when you feel like you can't depend on sunlight words think is what I saw a lot in the name around around my mom and now my aunts and saw a lot of abuse right SI and ICS and I saw a just and just I were on our own.

We have to figure it out and have to be strong and you know people are to take advantage of you if you don't figure out how to be smarter than them and protect yourself. Yes, you have to always be on you guys always think of. If you have streets practice what it is you have to be like suspicious fast what what he trying to get from me what you want for me wiping nice what is what I notice that there is nothing three now and also I talk about this a lot in my new book chemistry about this thought as is there a God who loves me or not easy. Good or not this he care are not even be there for me or not. Or am I on my own and I have to figure it out for myself have to fight for myself I have to defend myself so that's the kind of things I thought of going up about men and of course in the end I felt that I like about God writing even after applicant Christian to know that there's a God, but still lender and my burden to him that he really is he really going to be there for me and I'll get a hefty just force my way into life and being in control and manipulate him and guide myself and be smarter than you know the people who can take advantage of me and always looking for somebody to let me down. Last time we did talk about your suicidal thoughts and where you read it, and I mentioned her so much suicide today, particularly the teenagers world high schools etc. people that are bullied, it just seems to be that decision that's being made as my wife said and my wife lost her brother to suicide many years ago and she said unfortunately, young people, trying to find permanent solution suicide to a temporary problem whether it's not being accepted or not feeling loved as life continues, hopefully those pains and those things become more manageable emotionally, but teenagers are always equipped to manage that trauma in the end up making the ultimate poor permanent decision of taking their own life, you mentioned in your book. The reason having courage to live and not all point.

The point out and I want you to elaborate on it, but one you said is brave to keep living when life is sad or difficult that you know working with people who are sad and in despair. That's a hard thing to convince them of what are you getting at when you say hey it's important to live. Even if you're feeling said what what I understand when I when I encounter God is that he is very real. He is very. He is holy and his love is so overwhelming, so overpowering, so all-consuming that the questions and the weight and everything. It's like turning a light on so bright that all the shadows disappear. I don't see and I say, well, bad things happen because of this.

Now I say my cousin was murdered been to death by stepfather and then I encounter God and have no reasons for the other. But I know that there's a good God is holy and I can't tell you any answers that are tangible, but I can say you encounter God that you will have light that said bright yet still beyond me like it's so beyond his love is so beyond my understanding and accept tangible Lacey is to say the? Pop in the people's mind were struggling who have that bitterness because something bad happened in their life. It may not have been the death of a cousin, but maybe the death of a child, or the death of a spouse. How do you make that change. How does that change happen where you can go from you. In your case it moved you toward not believing in God saying your cousin died at the hands of the stepfather.

How does a person let go.

How do they say okay Lord of and accept the fact that bad things happen and that it's not your fault. While we we make this outside of knowing God and like not just knowing about God knowing him outside of that we make this life about this life and this is all there is. This is a shadow of what's to come. We are eternal beings and our and to recognize if you were in heaven looking at the earth. Seeing these things happen and God were to say to you, Cindy, will you help lead you can either be a light email from that perspective up there waiting in eternity. You can step into time like this question and like we get a chance right now. Life is a gift to you and no matter what happens, but if somebody lives or dies you breathing and you have a purpose, God doesn't give you the miracle of life on accident that I had to understand when I woke up the next day. I was especially why he care what he loved me and here I am, and why did you give me more time because I don't have any plans. What I love the way you depicted and described, because God doesn't overstep the boundary of our own will. That's what's so amazing, yet he does have a plan for us. The question is are we willing are we willing say yes okay I wake up today and I will live for you.

That's huge.

I mean that is critical. But you know so often were distracted. Lord can come back tomorrow because I got things to do today in and that's what I love about what you have done now with your vocation. A lot of Christians may question you as to why you would continue in rock music and I want to get to that plan.

The questions for a lot of questions about why they would not fit hey let's talk about it how God is put your heart to say okay go meet with people that are not speaking Christian needs go engage your life or your life out for people that don't act the way your Christian friends act. It's easy to rationalize to pull out of that now that you're saved and your clean.

Your luck you put yourself in that environment and I'm sure some people listening site yet. I would agree with that. How could you put yourself in that spot to be in the world, especially given what God is done to save your life. Music was a passion for you.

You had the ability and you've chosen to stay engaged in music speak to this idea of you as a believer in Jesus going into the darkness to be a light well I think the way it happened, really. I just felt like when I sat down next at my school. I sat down in the cafeteria after I woke up going islands were selecting a light he can write me.

He's left just a moment and I need that his purpose.

I don't know what it is, but he left me. I walked to school I start to see the birds in the trees and like it is intentional. It's not an accident he's lying everywhere.

I sit down and when I became a fan of banter fan artist.

I look at all their work and let all the lyrics I have the email I started want to know who they are and I in the art.

There's a fingerprint of the artist you know you get to learn about them through their artwork and some looking at nature. As I walked to school and Marnie and I noticed this is because I there's something impinging on this and then I get to school soon To look around Allie's people I hated the day before and I realize Miller's texts present my heart.

This is my masterpiece.

These are my wet and a size like just blown away like the hand crying like we've got a love for each person.

He made no matter. And I'm looking at the kids in special ed sale here in the kids in the preppy kids over here and all of those that nobody notices and nerdy kids over here and I'm looking at all these people and I just judged them here God like each one I created. I give each one life and not just blown away when you know that the Christmas say something about who got what they going to what choices you make. If they are breathing some glory and sell it made me love people will in and in this context, I mean a lot of Christians again will say you go play music and concert halls and probably in bars and other things. What are the people like that you encounter. There is your singing your songs and bring the light and describe the memory of being in front of people performing but talking about the Lord. To these people are going well. What she say so I am I got to write a song for a vampire movie and I did after I left.

Finally, and flyleaf was your original best life is original denizen for 10 years and we toured all over with dancing totally. No crazy. I love that music as it was so honest felt like more honest now the music with effect just as a sidebar here. You said in your book the your screaming in your music because that's what was in your heart and for parents who don't understand that rage that was an eye-opener for me when I read that that in that artistic form of what we would say that's music you critical that you were letting that emotion out that nobody understands me. All I have inside of me is pain in your screaming while playing music is that a fair description well yeah I mean are an impression of him.

Christian looking for that Christian bookstore, wondering why people don't have music like that excessive upset because unlike Jesus died in the cross, you know, he screamed out in pain.

Like why would there not be something like really having you here like some crazy thing people were martyred for their faith and we scream about these things like I can't find it confusing it's it's hard to believe, a soft-spoken person. He screamed but I guess it's true. Now you know I think it's it's whenever you have a passion for. I would scream over the injustice of suicide. I know what it feels like I would scream over the pain he feels from somebody being murdered in their life or somebody just feeling like they are worthless and and it's not true and they know they've been abused and you know I want to scream with an essay God weeps with you. He's angry injustice now and that's a good thing to know because people always talk about godliness, all loving God, that he has to be angry about evil with us. So you end up doing the song for this movie but talk about how God is used to. I got asked to do the song after left thigh and I had been buried in my heart and out, leaving flyleaf thousands of emails from kids to asking me about feeling suicidal. Feeling depressed feeling and what I do, that not believing in God, but they want to and I don't know where to turn in the scene on this young always things that my heart was heavy to reach people who would never go to cherish who would never hear the gospel and and I was like I'm walking away from my platform and mainstream because as an evangelist heart you know you want to keep your audience so that they're here whenever you can, and I was just crying at the got them I can't send someone send someone out there if you calling me home sentiment out there and I got this phone call and asking that question.

Can you let me have a voice in that environment.

You know what, how can I bring you there with those kids are the ones you want to go to church when they get to go see this movie. How can I bring your voice their and so I looked at the synopsis annuity and realize there's this whole theme about these powerful creatures and and I realize you know God made us to be powerful creatures and I said well Jesus will God said angst and become a manager than what it means to be human when it needs to be a child of God and emanate in Indian.

I say Jesus was powerful and beautiful and he was brave and he was courageous and he was kind, merciful, and he was miraculous and like this is who God calls his children to be and I can just feel them like really like that you I am every person you created to be his children and he said if they will just and I say it came to earth to show its validity.

And then he said hands can take care of the cloud I'm going to yeah they deserve to die for all this hatred and sin. So I'm in a diner playset he's hanging naked breeding murdered by his own creation on the cross and spitting on him and mocking him in the enemy saying they're not can I believe even if you die and not cannot believe even if you pay for this bag and keep choosing that darkness and he sank to the course of the questions I will repent from this blood is binding and I got from the verses God's gifts in color without repentance and so he saying on the cross is like, he saying I'm not can repent from this, even though there mocking and spinning. I'm not can repent from this he had.

He took this and he went through the crucifixion and he went and he died and he he took the keys from the devil.

He busted out how nobody has to go there he raises from the dead, and says you are made to live forever, and if you just trust me player helping me and believe that you can have it well and I say that I like your secular concert Christians are because they're already a non-Christian, you can tell him that just the light comes on in your life is good news though it is interesting to see the response and the bar all the people of bar turning and silencing the bartender.

It's amazing to watch it in the middle of these shows and and just feel God's presence, and I just know he's speaking what only he can do in their hearts to this question. With the power of media in our culture, where there's movies or music or video games are all the things that many of us as Christian parents are concerned about because her kids are being polled and drawn into that. What's a perspective that we should have as Christian adults to say okay this is the world we live and how do we go about embracing, not the sin of it, but embracing God's presence in it all in teaching our children to be able to be a Christ follower. Even though they are bombarded with messages that are so worldly you're living in both camps. You have 1 foot in your Christian world and 1 foot in your rock 'n' roll world. How do you manage that I have really black in my conversations and I felt he asked really good questions and I don't think I've ever not told him nothing and I think that that good grace of God is been on me to be able to explain to him some things he seen a lot like my time, he was having an effect and he was at a club and when we went into that city you enter a city and you can feel what's going on in there.

I had this discernment gift and Associates and empathy gift and he has the same thing. I know yet he's had it since it is little I can be smiling at hand hand him his breakfast and him say I sat like Heidi know that he just knows and so when I want when I went into the city we felt. I felt the spirit the suicide and depression and soon as he pulled into the club. It was like like a really heavy on the window and tons of fans that were waiting outside the bar and then the plaintiff is just very dark and you can tell the struggling self harm, suicide, depression, and my sign is only five he starts handing is crazy for it and he says succinct terrible things about himself like I'm always getting ChildLine never get anything good I don't I don't like saying, and I like the thing I think is rarely here.

I get a print like all white like I can't put my kids in this environment and I feel the Lord's peace come over me and he's like I remember you don't think I give you. I give good gifts to my children and he's like, tell him who he is and I so I was able to stop. He listened so clearly and you know it's important to know your call if you not call back. I don't think you have the grace to do that. But God was so faithful to meet me as I'm sitting in his old bunk and telling him Joshua Lewis you you he loves Jesus. He talks but she sometime you love Jesus and you have a spirit in you.

One time he told me my soul is broken and I said crying like the Holy Spirit to come in your heart and fix your soul, and he saved the Holy Spirit come in my heart and fixed myself sitting at bunk and I think you have the Holy Spirit in you and you know, God knows every person, and he knows those people that are outside here as Emily why are we here today while here and he's like, in case you want to tell people about Jesus.

You can rock out and tell people that Jesus said yes and he said you can tell the girls because we talk about the girls a lot and and I said yes and I said and God knows every single person's heart and what they're dealing with and their people here tonight don't love themselves. They don't want to live and hurt themselves and what you're feeling, not your feelings you feeling with their family and say you need to understand and he said if God gives you his Holy Spirit to show you what someone else is feeling and you need to be know that God is calling you to pray for them to pray for them now. I don't like to listen, I pray that you let them know you love them God and let them help you make them and that they have that you just so beautiful.

I'm crying you now and fill out. I think the first thing is knowingly called knowing that this is what you meant to do to the grace of God is busy covering and then being brave to trust him to stand firm in not calling when any tabs after you tested and as I am on my son's call to doing speech but I know it's great because I told the lawyer I would not boys, unless they're going to be great absolutely in your beautifully setting up the next point which is service toward others, and that's the answer of having the courage to live in your book you talk about have a mindset have a desire to serve others, and you have done such a beautiful job.

Lacey living your life. Even with all of your pain that you have been able through the help of God, obviously to transform that into an attitude of serving others. People that a lot of Christians would turn away from you right in the middle and I so respect that and in my own way want to do that, whether it's with the abortion people are gay activists. You know what God died for them to yes and we as Christians have to stop turning our back on them because God is saying, tell them about it when you do it do with the heart of love and compassion, not judgment. And when we do that.

It's amazing how the heart of people like your concert. They will open up to God because of how you set the table and so often destroying the tape now is often incorrect and brings her to our conversation with Lisa Sturm to close this is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and while that interview was from a few years ago. Lacey is still actively writing music and performing an boldly sharing her faith worked ever. She goes to Jon.

I so admire Lacey's courage and I hope her amazing story has inspired all of us to be bold witnesses for Christ in our communities and in the areas of influence that God is given us that we can't afford to be idle were comfortable in our Christianity. Now is the time to get serious about serving God and living out our beliefs before world that is quickly moving away from the Lord and that's why I want to encourage you to get Lacey's book, the reason it will inspire you and challenge your faith. We can send a copy out to you when you make a monthly pledge of any amount to Focus on the Family today and when you become a monthly supporter. Focus your giving becomes exponential in its impact helping us strengthen more marriages empower parents and rescue people who like Lacey have given up hope. So let's work together to help more, hurting families and individuals through the rest of this year.

Call us today to make your monthly pledge and will send Lacey's book, by the way, a one-time gift will also be appreciated and will send book when you donate that way as well. Our numbers 800 K in the word family or check out the episode notes to learn more and at our website. We have some resources about addressing the risk of teen suicide that I know you'll find helpful to check out our own life to thrive video series and a new podcast series called teen suicide. Knowing the science next time. Casey joins us and urges you to become a champion for your grandkids really gets down. We have to look at this thing called legacy and that's, live longer than we have to be about something bigger than the long on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team John Fuller and thank you for joining us today for Focus on the Family will see her next time is once more help you and your family thrive in Christ