The Search for a Godly Spouse (Part 2 of 2)

I pointed more I can do this.

Eli describes the day. His wife had her suitcase packed ready to walk away from their marriage and I was all about my my session which was of the time not being an of his career in his dream job that I have one for years but try to do that with an addiction is in going where the good news is that Eli's journey toward helping healing begin with our podcast Focus on the Family help me in my marriage.

Probably exact time that I needed. I'm Jim Daly working together we can rescue more marriages like you lies and when you donate today.

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If we are not involved in a dating relationship that we do not have a special other person. There's no need for panic. God makes everything beautiful in his time today on Focus on the Family Pastor Alastair bag offers encouragement and a good dose of humor along the way your hostess focused president and Dr. Jim Daly I'm John John were concluding a two-part message for singles today. It was given to college students.

But let me tell you biblical truth applies at any stage of life. So singles of any age will get a lot out of this program. Alastair started last time with a list of what a woman should look for if she wants a godly husband. So let me recap those points. He said he should be committed to growing in his relationship with Jesus Christ.

He should be a man of obvious integrity. He should also be a man who demonstrates servant leadership in today will finish the list for women and then Alastair will give men some ideas of what they should be looking for in a godly wife and with that, here's Alastair bag.

The pastor at Parkside church in Cleveland, Ohio. And as you said Jim is working through that list of characteristics of a godly husband as we continue on Focus on the Family for you need to look for a husband displays the ability to love sacrificially to love sacrificially seek out a man who display self sacrificial. Did I mention, not a person who says why one of the things I like to mention to you is that I'm a very self-sacrificing person, no, no, no, no, sorry, take that one off your resume. Self-sacrifice is detected in several ways that vary from person to person.

For example, watching the end of an evening with friends to see if this character is quick to organize and spearhead the cleanup whether it is waits for everybody else to clean up. Listen carefully to his elderly hands when she tells you whether her nephew has ever been faithful in visiting her in the nursing home observe the way he relates to children and to strangers. See if he possesses a willingness to hold doors for passersby with full arm's watch his attitude to waitresses and to other people who are involved in serving the public. Watch his eyes as he sits in a café and observe the obvious ravages of a in the body of the young man behind the counter and in these things begin to find out what you're dealing with an incident manifesting gentlemen, Natalie gentlemen, when is the last time that anyone of us did anything for our wives that would fit clearly solidly under the category of self negation 50 husband should be able to laugh partially. Humor is a vital element in preventing medical failure. The ability to laugh, doesn't mean that he's the class clown or even a joke teller and fighting maybe hopeless at telling jokes that may be the funniest part about it constantly turning the insane punchline again finishing his jokes just to be met by vacant stare, but it is important that he likes to laugh and a T3 to look for is his willingness to laugh at himself and he takes himself too seriously. Lookouts listen carefully to not necessarily when his own show any tell us a story where someone else is obviously the hero when he comes off looking fully is he willing to reveal pictures to you of the time when he was last handsome with his teeth for shooting in his ear, sticking out actually to think about it, very similar to what is right now. When he laughs in the coming's email to laugh in crude and unkind and cool humor is vital its way up on the top of my list. Sixthly, there are only six husband should model genuine humility.

Simply put, a good husband should be stuck on himself.

Genuine humility keeps its focus on others. You need to watch and see if the other person can share the joy of a competitor success. I wanted you to remember is hard for me to save you.

Remember now the movie is 20 years old. Some of you unborn staggering thought to be the sole but go get it from the theater and watch chariots of fire, and in the fictitious scene that is created between the race between Eric Liddell and Abrams a race that never ever happened but was it was good for the story. Remember, Eric falls and then when the Mandela's music cakes in that scores among hunting itself again and yet and eventually runs the victory and cuts from the victory to the bleachers and in the bleachers.

Abrams sits and outcomes his girlfriend very pretty. Looking in all in white.

As I remember with a large hat I think she sits down beside him and his Morales Monroe and she says and what you came second. Said I don't want to come second and then he says if I can when I want Ron to which she replies. If you don't run you can't win if you find yourself in the company of somebody who cannot be an understudied who can sit in the second chair who can play second fiddle who's always going to be the theme of the story the joke of the party. The success of the event. I want to suggest to you girls. You might want to take a long hard look at whether you're in the company of the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Okay, here we go look for in a wife number one tall to the husband and Sylvia's good wife must've a personal faith and trust in the Lord Jesus.

It is the basis for any and all of the other qualities on the list. I can't overstate for you the importance of ensuring that you don't enter into an intimate relationship where one person is a Christian and the other is not.

The Bible is clear don't get unequally your to be unequally yoked, is to be unable to pool together. That means that are too divergent standards to opposite goals to radically different interpretations of life to incompatible Masters to serve two contrary powers at work.

Unbelief allied with belief in Jesus means just one thing, there can be no real intimacy in matters that really count the two cannot pool together because they are not truly together and so Paul commands believers to marry. First Corinthians 739 only in the Lord and in the course of 27 years of pastoral ministry. I've watched and experienced empathetically the sadness of girls who got themselves way committed into something and felt unable to extricate themselves. They thought that they could evangelize them.

They thought they could bring them around. I sat with them and said if he's not about to bow before your Savior. While he doesn't have your hand in marriage.

You think he's going to do when you marry in all yes I'm sure he promised me that when we get married, and so on. And I've had occasion just to sit and say to the girl. You can either cry now or you can try later. You can cry now because you've lost them, or you can try later because you've gotten the same is true for a fellow if he is going to anticipate anything other than a godly wife. Secondly, we need to look for a wife who possesses beauty that is deeper than the skin deeper than the skin and I don't know of anyone who sets out to find a spouse is physically unattractive, but the importance of a gentle and quiet spirit is almost unquantifiable. A wise fellow looks for a woman who possesses a natural radiance rather than a glow that comes from a bottle.

It is less important to find a woman as beauty comes from. Time spent in front of a beauty parlor than from time spent in the presence of the Lord Jesus. I recall walking on the beach with the man who turned out to be my father-in-law. We were at a place called Rehobeth. I've never been there since I remember going there send perhaps in Maryland I don't know and his daughter, one of four daughters was out swimming in the water in the on the shore and I was walking along with him. He liked me but not a lot. I think he wanted to keep all of his daughter safely in America and get rid of me and anybody like and is released upon the spot where she was swimming she came out of the water and she walked towards us. She tossed her head back and are here, and he turned to me and he said what a beautiful girl inside and outside the insight is the key. The outsides is the bonus. Thirdly, you need to look for a wife who is an initiative taken with an attitude of submission and initiative taken with an attitude of submission is simply parallels what we said previously about a man being a sacrificial leader, any wise fellow is looking for a woman with ideas, abilities, goals, plans, gifts, dreams, the whole panorama of abilities that she brings to marriage because in entering into marriage and more areas that were prepared to admit we, as a husband's will be dependent upon their knowledge upon their insight upon their courage upon their faith upon their expertise.

So when I hear a noise in the night downstairs. I have a very brave wife for which I'm thankful you made it kind of guy that immediately runs down the stairs and takes care of it. I think I got it wakes her up and says, honey, there's a noise and after all these years, you know, so that means you usually get out of bed takes me by the hand and we go down the stairs toward submission is so frequently understood, is become a sensitive issue for many people it's not uncommon for girls to tell me that they're not going to say that incidentally anyone it does, I tell them get married by somebody else because I'm not going to marry and that of course was over very well with the girls mother. But anyway, who cares God's intended role for a wife is not to wait around for her husband's directives and somehow or another, she was paralyzed without you don't think that Adam and Eve in the garden. He was sitting around with a bunch of flowers say when I supposed to do with these. And Adam said, what with the daffodils on the left of the juleps on the right and put the begonias over here behind me know he said honey I don't what you do with flowers seldom be a day as a man when we do not have occasion to depend on multiple levels upon the wisdom, insight, initiative, grace, courage, faithfulness, integrity, skill, giftedness of our lives.

All that said, it does not negate the fact that in the order of God's plan for marriage.

The man is entrusted with the awesome responsibility of being held accountable as a leader in the home is therefore imperative that you do not fall into the clutches of a bossy self, opinionated woman who you will see it in relationship to her father, you will see it in relationship to her peers. You will see that she's unprepared to submit our heart and our mind and our lifestyle ultimately to the clear teaching of the Word of God. The roles of husband and wife in more ways than physically are not in the Scriptures, interchangeable and therefore certain expectations for the individual role of each other. Needs to be understood and work times. Fourthly, I wife the kind for which we look should build her husband's confidence trustworthiness stems from character. A woman's intrinsic qualities are revealed by our actions. Girl knows the difference between dressing in a way that is attractive and dressing in a way that is deliberately seductive. Girls know the difference. So do we men if you find and dating a girl that it is clear from the way she carries herself that she enjoys the possibility of creating titillation in the minds of other men around in the context whether the swimming pool whether it be the coffee shop, whatever it may be.

Let that be to you a gigantic warning sign it, maybe an opportunity for learning and growth and mail, however, be the occasion when you slip out the back. Jack looking for a wife who displays kindness that touches others looking for kindness that touches others. Women don't have the exclusive ownership of the characteristic of kindness, but often they do a much better job in expressing compassion than most men would appear. I don't think this devalues. Indeed, I think it exalts women to say that God is fashion them to be capable of special tenderness. Men are frequently intent on keep moving. Let's get going. Women are far more willing to start in the cause of compassion and fight probably if you think about it. Women that have marked our lives have often marked our thinking on account of their tenderness and as our culture continues to promote effeminate men and masculine women as Christian people we must be prepared in the face of ridicule abuse and possibly persecution, to be unashamed and holding firm to the guidelines of Scripture when it comes to these things that were very very clear reasons for the Old Testament commands relating to the distinction between the sexes and actually we do well to pay more attention to them that we are prone to do in an increasingly androgynous culture, gross should look like girls and will always be their best when they do, and of course men should be like men it seems almost impossible that we have to say these things doesn't. Finally I wife like a husband should have a sense of humor that Braves adversity, the ability to laugh or get couples through more than a few rough spots. I think about Susan when she came to Scotland with me after we were married. First of all, I had no money.

She had a little money that she saved as I took all her money and we use it to get back to Scotland.

We sailed on wheat we cruise to London from the Port of New York don't get any illusions about how beautiful it was. It was horrendous.

We were on a Russian sailing ship called the Michaela Lerman talk in 1986 in Zürich.

I was reading the Herald Tribune with her daughter as we headed for Kenya together as we sat on the plane I saw a tiny paragraph and said Russian motor vessel sinks off the coast of New Zealand. I put my hand over it. I said the Michaela Lerman talk and then I looked down and that's exactly what it was made to say that this thing was backward is an understatement. I couldn't use up your time describing how horrendous it was, as I asked my young bride lower and lower and lower into the belly of this cavernous thing and then finally into our state room where you had to go in and then step back and then let the second person in and then at that point you were here and so we are bunkbeds and neither of us have ever done drugs except on that particular 10 day voyage and I don't know what it was we took combination of anything that was available on the gift shop Dramamine and anything that went with it and in a semicomatose state. We celebrated our marriage see on the top and me on the bottom and then me on the carpet. She on the bottom sailing in America behind leaving her leaving all those boys in Michigan behind leaving the whole thing behind and when we finally got to the apartment of the church should set aside for is in Edinburgh.

She said about the business of making a home. I told her that I had put together some furnishings which I got from a friend at college who was adapted picking up junk everywhere he went, and I didn't really know what day we put this fly stored furniture and I Gary generally I had picked up and brought to Edinburgh I was gone in the day that arrived she was not, and she had the embarrassment of standing there as two elders from the church pick these horrendous pieces of furniture back of this. They say equivalent over you all and carry them up the stairs and I remember coming home to her was all will maybe two or three days into this project and this this furniture. The weather was not too pieces that mass it seriously was uglier than anything you could ever imagine.

This stuff was bad with a B and in the evening I do get down the stairs and smashed it all the bits with a hatchet and put it out for the garbage to pick it up the following morning feeling my way to get a sense of humor. She better have and if you looking for a girl that can put up with your strange peculiarities you better look for one who can laugh as well because I've seen you and your pretty funny but I want to finish with a quote because there are people here tonight and you're saying I don't have a boyfriend I don't have a girlfriend.

Frankly, I'm not planning on getting one anytime in the near future and I'm wondering whether it may be that singleness is my lot in life. Let me quote to you from one of my favorite singles.

John Stott. What about our successes singles.

We too must accept the Bible's teaching, however hard it may seem as being God's purpose both for rise and for society, we shall not become a bundle of frustrations and inhibitions if we embrace God's standard, but only if we rebel against it. Christ yoke is easy, provided we submit to. It is possible for human sexual energy to be redirected both into affectionate relationships with friends of both sexes and into the loving service of others alongside a natural loneliness, accompanied sometimes by acute pain. We can find joyful self-fulfillment in the self giving service of God and other people. The chances are you will meet your mate in the next three or four years.

Do not assume that a friendship has to be more than a friendship when it begins. Do you know how many people got married and they weren't even friends covenant before God that you will not add to the statistics, but God helping you. You will please him therein singleness or in marriage, living according to the principles of his word and with that we come to the conclusion of a terrific two-part message for singles from Pastor Alister bag on today's episode of Focus on the Family John as I listened, Alister Berg's message.

I couldn't help but think of all the heartbreak and despair that could be avoided if Christians use these criteria when considering whom they will marry Alister basely starts on first Peter chapter 3, where Peter described the character traits of a Christian husband and wife. They should display a personal faith in Jesus inner beauty for women and integrity in men, a biblical view on servant leadership and submission and ability to love sacrificially kindness and humility and a sense of humor.

Those things do encapsulate a healthy relationship and a healthy understanding of our position under Christ will post that list online so that you can get a copy.

If you use that criteria your chances of having a successful marriage are greatly improved and here Focus on the Family we know that a healthy marriage is a critical building block for a healthy society and in addition to our resources to help marriages thrive. We also have a vibrant outreach to singles that is simply called boundless, yet we've had the director boundless. Lisa Anderson is a guest on this broadcast a number of times. That's right, John.

In the boundless online community and podcast are designed to help singles embrace new responsibilities own their faith date with purpose about that one. Prepare for marriage, and above all honor God in everything they do. It's a very lively outreach of this ministry and as we mentioned, because of the coronavirus pandemic we have seen a dip in donations to the ministry. It's been such a hard season, especially for small businesses on the other hand were really seeing an increase in the needs of families who are counting on us for help. So if you're in a position to make a donation to Focus on the Family today we'd really like to hear from you when you make a donation of any amount will send you Alister's book called lasting love. How to avoid marital failure and that that'll be our way of saying thank you for your contribution, appreciate that you miss a good idea and book is really a great resource for both singles and those of us who are married and you can get your copy when you call 800 K work-family 800-232-6459 or donate and request that book online. We got the link in the episode notes and when you're online.

Be sure to look for that list that Alister is been working from the qualities of a godly spouse on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team here. Thanks for listening to this Focus on the Family podcast take a moment please and leave a rating ensure this two-part series with the single friend of yours.

I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time when we provide more trusted advice and encouragement help your family thrive in Christ hi this is Jim Daly inviting you to show your support for the sanctity of life and the protection of the pre-born, along with millions of concerned citizens. Mark your calendar for September 26 to witness a transformational pro-life event were calling C life 2020.

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