Overcoming Summer Boredom With Kid Smarts

Danny and Alicia thought their family was done until they listen to Focus on the Family.

They said something in that broadcast about being willing to open your heart to a child that may need a home and I remember praying in the car that tensing the Lord.

If that is the direction that you ever want to take as I just want you to know that I'm open to that. Today Danny and Alicia are proud parents of baby Chloe what I love about Focus on the Family are now more than ever, is that it encourages people and inspires people into a life of abundance serving God, but not only does it do.but it challenges us to take risks for the kingdom I'm Jim Daly help us find more adoptive parents like Danny and Alicia. And when you donate today. Your gift will be double. Visit Focus on the Family.com/strengthen families. Finally, some are nothing you do, don't say that to mulattos mom and dad to find some horrible job. So what can I do play video games my hair out.

If you have kids sure you've heard this before time for. Here we are on the verge of December, but would have some great how you can manage that summertime. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly I'm John Fuller and working to help you help your kids use their imagination to overcome boredom.

John there is no doubt people are frustrated with all the shelter in place and being locked in their houses and hopefully now things are beginning to break loose were able to get outside and do the things that we normally would do. But then we gotta think about the summer really creating these great memories. Hopefully with our children that we've got to think of ways to make this summer 2020, a very special summer into you know make up the ground that we've lost in some of our activities, etc. doesn't take very long for kids to run out of things to do and to say I'm bored.

Especially it seems to go with age doesn't like eight-year-old artist board is like 18 at the temple relates out of the drawer right exactly. Not on purpose.

At least no but today were going to discuss ideas that can keep your kids directionally entertained as well as spiritually growing and that's a good thing to be specifically looking at your child's personality and gifts, and learning styles. As we have Dr. Kathy Cook here once again with us a fan favorite. She is a studio favored as well. Kathy is the president of celebrate kids Inc. and has a PhD in reading and educational psychology.

Lots of experience and a big heart for kids. She's the author of a number of books including eight great smarts discover and nurture your child's intelligences and we have that here. Just check the episode notes for the link Kathy. It's always good to have you and welcome back. Thank you so much Jim. It's an honor to be back with you. Okay, let's hit the boredom problem head on.

I think I've got a junior to be a senior. So this is that critical summer really the last summer with us and and going to miss him saying all you know I'm repainting one of the bedrooms and it's empty right now, Trent's old room and I'm I feel that feeling. Just do your way now from Teresa hey love you dad, but I'm moving out of my life. That's every hard day but that was not talk about that today will say though, that that's what you clearance.

We just reminded the thing that we parents so that they will launch well and that they will mature like I respect the person who so thick I'm so sad the growing up like I did I get that I understand the memory loss on some of the night doing some together the jet and yet you've parented well, if they're able to lots well so the guy can't wait to get out getting back to the board in question. What are some of the reasons why our children are board, you know, there used to be busy so this whole stay at home or to thing that we are coming out of its hired kids are used to be busy.

There used to having their schedule assigned to them, especially if they were in a public or private school even homeschool families that will say okay will spelling out the math so kids are used to having their schedule determined for them.

There used to be busy with assignments that are due at certain times. There used to being entertained would be the other coin entertained with media entertainment technology. There used to having their moments fall and time has been used differently the past two or three months because of the efficiency of schooling at home and for other things we can talk about if it's relevant. So now we have in the summer and they've Artie played all the games right. They've already played. You know, fill in the blank. They've Artie done 5 million jigsaw puzzles. They've already colored a lot of papers and mail them to grandma so now it's like oh my gosh we have 2 1/2 more months of this is the longest summer they will ever have a seven month long insight and I think even schooling for Troy are juniors been light. You know they were really equipped to go fully online and then kind of the school he attends, which is a charter school. They tried that they just weren't there. I mean, there are used to in class instruction, so they got online and covered a few homework assignments that they signed with that was cutting it so the rest the time it was jigsaw puzzles and let's play board game and know how many oranges are in the rack and if I am four of the five how many of them laughed at what percentage of that bananas traveling at $45 an hour and hits the orange button man were all tired of this stuff right first and everything is been different in the way that they've handled in the situations that they've been under, but it's you know it's legit. I think if your kids are saying the board don't feel horrible about that. Don't assume that your bad mom and dad don't assume that the kids are horrible kids that they can figure out what to do.

Let me let me pressure on that because in that culture that is so intense on entertainment and and even parents feeling like we have an obligation to be the cruise director right, the entertainment director of the cruise ship, you do feel that way and a lot of moms.

I think particularly have the burden of man I am out of ideas. How do we rest in them being bored what are the benefits of boredom for children.

I mean, it's not all bad because it forces them to begin to use their imagination and to do things you know aren't harmful obviously but you want them to be bored a little bit right will absolutely Jim, if kids don't learn how to handle boredom well and they think that they can always escape it. That's dangerous.

A friend of mine said you go from one kind of Coke to another and I think that's a pretty astute line so I do think there's a place for understanding that sitting still having nothing to do, is having something to do. Yeah, I mean I don't know if that developing rain and pecked at the when there's nothing there's quiets and inquired wisdom rises. I read about this in the technology book that we've talked about when were quiet. There's an ability for ideas to sift and sort, and there is a depth of reflection, even a five-year-old can reflect on the blade of grass and a 15-year-old on the conversation. She just had with her grandmother that reflection and the ideas percolate and circulate and a high how many of us have had a high insights when were quiet now. We might be busy mowing the lawn or folding laundry, or even to the jigsaw puzzle were doing something, but were quiet and there's wisdom there. That's one of the best advantages I think of slowing down and having those moments of quiet we might discover something absolutely and that hopefully will be a byproduct of the situation that were coming out of that Kathy remind us of the eight great smarts. It's a really good concept with this your dissertation by chance.

I was thinking about that the other day. Did you concentrate on these things and develop these things. It was not. It was not until I became a I University professor that the knowledge became available to me.

However, when I taught second graders. I was so concerned at how many seven and eight-year-old children were already saying oh I'm not smart. I can't do that right and I was raised well to believe that I was capable so I discovered as a teacher of young children that there were some who already put themselves in boxes that were defeating so I began to get really interested in where it is that idea of smart come from and then as a professor, I began to look at again. How do I want my people, who I'm training to teach children how I want them to teach children. I wanted to teach them from a place of optimism and I believe in you and that's where I had leaned into this understanding that we have eight different ways of being smart and some of them are school smarts and some of them are life smart… Yeah okay so there's eight and all of us have. We believe all of us have the capacity for all eight they need to be awakened and so if somebody doesn't have them awakened young. It might appear that they don't have them, but the great news is that it's never too late to awaken them and let me just hijack my own conversation to say that one of the best things that could happen in the summer. Boredom is the awakening of an intelligence that has never been significantly important because in that quiet will be courageous to go to a new space and now we enter into the next academic season more equipped so I think that's a really positive thing and I'm delighted to be on the show to talk about that so we are word smart.

We think with words when were excited. We probably talked. We enjoy reading, writing, speaking and listening. That's a school smart, and then were also logic smart logic smart kids think with questions they ask more questions when they're excited. So they might drive you nuts because of their curiosity which you would love to just squelch sometimes and they tend to gravitate toward math and science, and figuring things out on their own. And that's another school smart so if you're listening and you have kids to do well at those two. That's why school is a less scary place with and that might be why they may have missed school more than a sibling who has enjoyed all of the freedom of schooling at home during this weird Sierra interest in this picture smart pictures. My kids think in pictures with their eyes, they tend to be better at art history fiction. They see the action in their mind is the reading music smart kids think with rhythms and melodies they may play instruments they may sing in tune. They may enjoy and relax with music versus other kids who might want quiet and then there's body smarts and these smarts again are life smarts like I went to the college I went to the March and the band is a two-story got a degree on the side I still be a very I'm still music smart.

It used to be a very important part of my life. My whole family.

My cousins all of us. We had a cousin banded.

That's a long story but it's a rich part of my life and music was important in school and has been very important in my life.

So these intelligences matter because we were called to an abundant life, not to an abundant school experience and so I want our kids to be smart in all eight ways so that in their free time on their Saturdays at the July 4 picnic you know they can really engage with life outside of the school walls because that is your you do eventually graduate from school, but you don't graduate from life and that's why all eight of these matters of that make sense okay okay so then we got body smart kids. We moved hearts rock 'n' roll where the athletes the actors the dancers I'm here the radio talking with my hands. Even though no one can see me unless they're watching on YouTube, you know. And then there is nature smart natures. My kids think with patterns.

That's how they know it's a bluebird not a blue Jay analogy, not an oak tree are good at biology Earth science meteorology that might not be as good at general science, but they might ease biology and this is where again the brain is such a marvelous instrument. The guys given us in the last two are so interesting people smart women being people smart. We think with other people. We know will be no when we hear ourselves speak it and someone reacts to it. So these are the kids who are dying in the alone moments if they don't have people to really interact with that might be their anxiety, their stress, their fatigue and their depression. The opposite of the people smart is self smart and people who are self smart.

Think deeply inside of their own minds. They reflect they are better at quiet they crave it, actually. And they know what they know what they know what they know and they don't care to share with anybody and that can be frustrating when you're a spouse or a parent asking what how's your day what is you learn everything's fine want to talk to me.

I don't need to.

I know what I know so those are the age we have all eight. The internal combination can be life-giving and also confusing at times I Kathy you suggested that picking an object number say the slope for the listeners deserve what is he saying but picking an object and applying it to the eight smarts and you've given an example of a pinecone.

So how would you use that as a moment sooner.

Yeah, because it it decreases boredom when we think of things differently when you get outside of our typical box so I do like this idea, so for logic smart. I might want to know you pinecones fall off and the windstorm are they dropped to the ground when they're mature like I wonder which is true that why do some pinecones open.

Have you seen them where they're open and then I closed while I know the answer to that I'm to make you look it up but it's a fascinating answer let you to our debt averages so they drop open or they drop close right and there's a very important difference between the one that is open and the one that is closed and then you know I made it home.

I just wanted might wonder what does an animal eat them like what's the purpose of a pinecone like is it just to spread peanut butter on it and make it a birdfeeder or is there something that the pinecone does that's I might approach it from a logic smart. So if you could disport him a pinecone and asked him to list five questions that they wonder about that's good and it may go to seven or eight and right and become refined.

Then you go to the website and go to library when they're open and you actually find out.

So I hear an important thing here.

Kathy med is don't tell your kids five things but asked them five things. Why wouldn't yes yeah you know, because it's their curiosity that can change everything. Curiosity is what allows us to know what we know curiosity allows us to discover what we need to know even if someone isn't there to help us and it's the act of asking questions we ask questions of children all the time teaching a child how to ask a good question is a very important skill you know Jesus came not to answer men's questions but to ask men questions is a quote from Herman Horn. Jesus was the best teacher who ever lived, and he did almost all of his teaching by asking questions so to teach a child how to ask the relevant question and then John to teach them the skills they need to find the answer I could, you know who might know that a gram is really nature smart and logic smart and she goes to the Arboretum. Maybe she knows or what about that that YouTube channel we saw those other videos the other day that were all about nature.

Maybe there's something on there that would help us if you can teach your kids how to ask a question and then how to figure out the answer and then you support that like you do it with them, not for them. While now chucking unity were talking bonding and you know it's really beautiful about that is that you probably don't know why some pinecones are open and some are closing so you are equivalently your you're all looking for the answer. At the same time and there is equivalent ground there. So now we have less fear right we have more humility and it's a beautiful thing to combat the boredom you suggest coming up with an activity list.

What would that look like what we could do is list. Like I suggest maybe 20 things.

It could be chores.

It could be games to play, to be people to talk to. It could be a list of academics expelling math, history, science, economic, Spanish, computer art, music my favorite way to do it is to list everything with numbers one through 50 and then when the kid says I'm bored you say go to 30 to go to number 32 and 32 might be clean the toilet are 32 might be. Note face time with grandma so you put it on our refrigerator, a bulletin board at cupboard of the kitchen door somewhere where everybody has access. Obviously, because I feel the read. To do that if there too little than you have to tell them what to do. Sure but that that can train them to stop coming to you daddy. I'm so bored there's nothing to do when they recognize that maybe they choose quiet maybe choose to serve. Maybe they choose to develop a talent or maybe choose to go look at the list and figure it on their own. Yeah I like that idea the list because it gives you a go to action can say go to number 32, and then they've got a go figure 1 is 32 is all very fun and you let the family contribute to the list you let those that are out of the 17-year-old contribute to the list and what a cool thing that I find out the dad when his board likes to do XYZ and they were stunned to find that out. I think C is what dad like the nap but let's also address cry for attention because I think we can miss that his parents when kids come and say I'm bored I'm bored, especially if the parents aren't board. I mean if they're really busy, very active that could be a cry for attention. How do we know the difference when our kids are saying on board and what they really mean is I want to spend time with you, but they can express it that way yes such a smart question Jim. I would always err on the side of spend time with my kid.

Now granted, either manipulating to. They see that I'm busy and they want know they want my attention. Did I just pay attention to a sibling and so they're jealous and that's why mommy I need you so this is where moms and dads and grandparents are really alert we've gotta watch you got a listen. I teach people to look for a pattern of behavior and if you notice that every time your cooking.

They come to you and need you, then that is an attention issue, so pay attention to them for 10 minutes before you head to the kitchen to Brown the ground beef so that that emotional tank is full.

And then you look at your son and daughter in the eye and you say, sweetheart.

I gotta start making dinner. I know you will find something to do and you empower them to be successful right so often times it is contacted the body smart. They want the touch.

They want to hug.

If there were smart to say I love you I'm busy now, I know that you can find something to do and this is where siblings can be so supportive of each other.

You were family unit on purpose why we together yeah you know, can we be together in those moments so getting into a few examples of the eight smarts for summer. If we emphasize that what are some things that can help the body. Smart kid, especially when they may not be able to play a team sport or be part of the dance group. For example, because of social distancing right now.

So what are some things that they could do that so little different right disease the kids to move with the body and yet they think with movement and touch the scavenger hunts you go to the house and find 10 things you are grateful for.

Find five things that start with a B exercise. I know what mom who it would have you complained to doing 10 jumping jacks to train kids to stop complaining I'm sidewalk chalk because it's picture smart in its art and its color, but they're down on their hands and knees and are using other arm muscles to draw the chalk jump roping and dancing in the kitchen.

You know, with dad having even a dance off.

It's not a wizard in any kind of movement and model building, which I know you done with your son. The small hand eye coordination kinds of things, jigsaw puzzles and model building and Legos and learning a new skill. I think for body smart. You say you want to get better at soccer. I haven't seen you on the backyard with the soccerball you wish, and if so will make it so go kick the ball and letting his know you don't need a whole team to develop the skills that you don't even need a coach you can figure some of the southern you I think of the poor people, smart kid who you need social interaction from Hamlin. They've gotta be starving right now I think will some of them are there siblings are about to kill them because I don't know if it if they're an only child, or if there's two kids and mom and dad are working from home and they're told the door shut.

Go find something to do really, really hard.

Otherwise they might be somewhat satisfied people, smart kids love to interact over intellectual topics. So they're looking for someone to talk to. So have you give them permission to face time with grandma. Have you given them permission to zoom with a former neighbor, even if they're also zooming for school and there on the Internet a lot. Can you teach them words that go with their just like you teach the like shall be the expression of shock and then show me with your face dismayed and show me surprise and can they do that and do they understand the vocabulary so we could teach them the skill set that goes as the foundation of some of this and another one of my favorite things to do the entertain people, smart kids is to watch a show or a movie with no volume. Turn the volume off and watch the action and figure out who's in charge of the conversation who got angry first what you think they just said why that person just leave the room and that's a great way to awaken the smart and kids who don't have that much and it's a great way to entertain the kids. We have a lot of that because they're very good at that and it's really stunning that they can watch a show with no volume and figure out who's in charge of the conversation and who just intimidated to. I think the nature smart child might be in the best place right now. They can go on a hiking trip. They can go camping with the family speak to the nature smart child. If that's their strength, are they in heaven right now you know they are better letting that happen.

Right. I agree with you that open the door and let these kids go outside and get dirty in the mud and play with the worm and it's not to kill them, and if it's raining and that lightning go jump in the puddle like you did when you were a kid when you let them eat the worm know it's not that I would get on a line there that line is drawn in cement.

Quite frankly, I'm so you get outside garden paint the table.

Paint the door. Nature videos and websites.

Again would be another way to do it. Of course, you don't just playing outside and sitting outside is nature smart examining the leave in wise Ellie frowned in ways that leave you know quicker than if I put that leaf upside down with the piece of paper in the Koran, will the veins of the lease show up and then could I send that to grandma with little note. So one of the beauties of these smarts is that they all work together in combination and so that's a fun thing to understand as well and I think they were the best things for nature, smart kids is just to explore outside IVF friend was going for a walk with the camera every night and she is determined to take a picture of something she did not see the day before. That's great and it could be your shutter on a house that was a really cool color it could be a flower blooming. It could be a weed that's come up in the middle of nowhere. It could be a crack in the pavement, but to get your eyes open to see a pattern in the sea as he was there that I like that. Perhaps the best question for last.

I don't know but you have. I think with wanting your followers you talk to them about how to take these smarts and use them in service. So how do you take that socially active child that people person.

Have you been them toward using their gifts in the summer since of service you appreciate that question is our family. Other centered.

Do we know our neighbors and we know families in our church were struggling to be know how people are feeling about things and we know them well enough to know what would be a blessing to them. Would it be candy or flowers or a homemade card or simply a phone call. What is it do for the child what it when you emphasize that what is happening in their brain that helps them in terms of empathy another thing. Oh, absolutely. Empathy and sympathy love were called to love one another recalled one another to serve one another to pray for one another and to submit to teach the hug to kiss all of that comes out of that and the other than that, so beautiful about it is, it says the child.

I am a capable human being who could make a difference. I'm only four, I can smile at my neighbor and make her smile back. You know I'm only six and my brother colors better, but I can color and grandmas elected and supported on the refrigerator. I know she will take a picture and shall show to her friends so to get her eyes off of our self is rich and I think that when were raising up kids to know that they are who they are supposed to be on purpose, and that that purpose is to invest in others, to leave the world a better place now changes boredom. Now I'm looking to do something not just play game yesterday, but to do something that a matter something that allows this is so good in the eighth grade smarts. Kathy this form by we know we've done well when the time is just zip. So thank you so much for being here and there covering this topic. I know it's going to help many many parents do a better job this summer with intentionality and I think knowing there children better. You know knowing what these smarts are and then how to help shape them and introduce them to other areas of the eight smarts that they may be not have explored lately, right, I really appreciate that. If I could add one thing you can cut it or keep it. I think one of the great advantages of knowing your smarts is knowing what to do when you're bored. So when we know how kids are smart by the right games. We buy the right tools. We set the right thing on the coffee table for the kid wake up and see in the morning and if we say to our kids, you know you not just creative your picture smart and not just you know, coordinated your body smart. You don't just like nature, your nature, smart, and you pay attention to patterns now and that kid has that moment of I don't know what to do.

Maybe he'll say wait. Daddy said that I'm smart and I'm really good at design with the clans are over there and that's where they can become a bit independent of us in field like he was saying a minute of feeling really good about themselves and their decisions. Absolutely that's a great place to abandon things remind folks and you know again the book is filled with these insightful observations of your children be a student of your child. It's a wonderful thing to do. It makes the parenting journey so much better and Kathy's great book 8th grade smarts is available here. Focus make a gift of any amount and will send it as our way of saying thank you for being a part of the ministry. The other great news right now is when you make that gift, it's gonna be double because we have some generous friends that are willing to match your gift because they believe in the message that we talked about today and what Focus on the Family stands for. So you get a double whammy make a gift today you get Kathy's book and you also get to double your gift that's a good deal.

You contribute as you can today by calling 880 family 800-232-6459 or online. You can contribute get the book find that list we mentioned earlier, and so much more and will have the link in the episode notes and then one more know when you're at the website. Be sure to check for our adventures in Odyssey club weave a free trial opportunity for you to sign up to. I don't remember the last number he heard Jim but I thinks like 100,000 for rights varies under service. It's all 800+ episodes of Odyssey at your fingertips is a great program and learn more about the adventures in Odyssey club at the website Kathy again, thanks for being with us. It's been so I think you and once again Kathy's book 8th grade smarts to discover and nurture your child's intelligence is to reach out for your copy today on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back. As we once again help you and your family thrive lately.

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