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Who Will be the Hero of your Story?: Long Term Care Weaknesses

Finishing Well / Hans Scheil
The Cross Radio
March 30, 2019 8:30 am

Who Will be the Hero of your Story?: Long Term Care Weaknesses

Finishing Well / Hans Scheil

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March 30, 2019 8:30 am

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”  It is hard for people to admit that they might need long term care one day; it means they will be weak. While people have no problem accepting they are going to die, and know that life insurance will be needed in this situation, it is much harder to accept the idea of becoming reliant on someone else in their old age.

Robby really talks this week about how his dad is handling this situation. He is vulnerable and needs help from others, and accepting this has lead to some beautiful conversations between Robby and him. Robby can see God’s strength in these moments.

This situation has made Robby consider who is going to be his caregiver. He knows his wife will step in out of love and commitment, but many caregivers then become completely ignorant of their own needs. Robby does not want that for her. Long term care insurance, most with the option of paying for some home health care, would give Robby’s wife a choice. She could get someone to come to the home to have relief and be able to care for herself.

Even though people can afford this care without insurance, they are much less likely to accept it when they are the ones paying for it. Robby’s dad kicked the hired nurses out of his house. You have to plan this journey out, and not just at the financial level, at the emotional level too, in order to make sure all your loved ones are taken care of.

Don't forget to get your copy of “The Complete Cardinal Guide to Planning for and Living in Retirement” on Amazon or on for free!

You can contact Hans and Cardinal by emailing or calling 919-535-8261. Learn more at

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You're listening to the Truth Network and Welcome to finishing well brought to you by Cardinal guy Certified financial planner belonged to Schild, best-selling author and financial planner helping families finish well over 40 years of finishing well will examine both biblical and practical knowledge to assist families in finishing well, including discussions on managing Medicare IRA long-term care life insurance and investments and taxes. Now let's get started with finishing well. Oh, we have a fun finishing well we are here with on shower, certified financial planner today show, who will be the hero of your story. That's a fascinating question right there who will be the hero of your story and and and kind of the king of that would be Paul who had this thorn in the flesh, you might be familiar with that he had this darn thing this Braden, Braden and eventually you may know what happened in second Corinthians 12 nine he said my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses now when it comes to the subject and will talk about today which is long-term care, it's not so easy for folks right on to admit that this kind of weakness that some point in time I am in a be completely vulnerable.

I even using the word admit like I've I've spent my life training young people that work for me how to counsel folks on this and then when that word is like getting them to admit just as soon as I hear that word gets this Lotta stuff from the long-term care issue. Listen, I'm work life insurance for years. It is like no problem getting people to accept the fact that they're going and then the second thing is to toot toot to show them and convince them that when they do die, especially early that they're going to leave the survivors with some needs and interest. Specifically, need for money in their absence. That will process amount say it's easy, but comparing it to long-term care and talking to people who were in their 60s. Even 70s or their 50s about preparing for something that might happen to them probably is going to happen to them. The real question is the length of time that they're going to suffer from the need for long-term care just really difficult subject to deal with and then furthermore it's it's it's just difficult to really get people to sit and talk about yeah I I'm certainly cognizant because I've been living it for the last nine or 10 months of the journey. I watch my father make an innovators vulnerability and then there's admit he looked up and at this point, you know, you know he's there in bed. Unfortunately, in, and he's requiring constant care and things are getting more vulnerable than he is right now right he can make his own financial decisions. He can't, you know he can't get out of bed.

He can't feed himself.

There's nothing anymore that he is completely completely vulnerable. But I don't know that it wasn't till the last few weeks that he was to the point where Paul you know where well God's strength is made perfect in my weakness when a if I can let go of this and and like you say, admit or or be vulnerable and say I need help with this. It's it's kind of a beautiful place right now as I was able to sit down with him on Saturday and really have some long discussions with him that we had many able to have her all these months because quite honestly, it was hard for him to get to that place of vulnerability of admitting it. I guess well in in you and your wife have been taking care of him around four months now. Okay and because it's a limited number of months and just because it's the end of his life is richer prepared to do and you're doing it. It sure would help if you had somebody in in 08, 10, 12 hours a day doing something for him that you're having to do in their absence.

I can assure you that you know I met that point where I look at my own life and did not realize my own vulnerability like I yeah I don't want to die alone and yeah I don't want to go to nursing home and you now want my family to take care of me. To some extent, but I don't want them to be strapped with this kind of responsibility. I don't want them to totally give up. You know their lives. It did to the extent that Tammy and I have not that women gladly done it and not that my father didn't appreciate it is just wow. I would not want to put that on my own kids. And so it is unfortunate. I guess it takes 60 to round to my 363.

Now if that does sit there wow I need to plan this event. I five and 50 when I realized this the planning would've been a whole lot easier but I still need to do it because it it's clear to me that I am vulnerable that I at that I could reach a point in my life where I can no longer go to the bathroom where I can no longer feed myself and I can no longer do those financial decisions and how all how is all that can happen and and how are we to be good stewards and plan for that stuff and I've been offering long-term care insurance for 30+ years.

Two people and I was telling you earlier that I even when I was back in like 1986, 1987. My company came out with what was for them. Their first real long-term care policy with some like it before then and they hire these consultants and they came in in the taught all of the top salespeople some training and really how to answer objections and you know in then we would have a response when people would say will my kids are going to take care and then we were trying to give them some kind response and by the way didn't work very well okay and that was the excuse.

Her response or whatever, that we would get from a lot of people, as you say, my kids are going to take care of me so therefore I'm not gonna buy long-term care insurance and lead times is therefore no need to deal with this.

I kids will take care and you know when I look back after all these years I still have people say that probably less but I look at that in the question that I would have and that you know if we could ask your dad if 10 or 20 years ago do you do you really want your kids responsible for all this. And the reality is, is not always kids. There's only one kid in his spouse that really doing the care on the other thing actually Lepic actually horrified me. You said wait a minute now Robbie you're married.

So at the point in time in your life. You know my Tammy seven years younger than me. So at the point in time you're there.

Who is your primary care clinic and an end to think that that burden would be on my wife is beyond horrifying because I'd I know what that would do to shorten her life and and and for her to have to give it over to a kid or to do something like that to not give her the choices to bring in some help and takes away her dignity well and it takes away just really a lot of things and she's she's doing that love and she would be doing it out of love of the commitment of responsibility that would caregivers typically do is they completely are ignorant of their own needs and they have many times no social life they have and we would we need that mean, especially when were healthy and retweet. We need to do with others do things for others other than the person you're caring for and so I could introduce you to hundreds of people where were talking to that healthy caregiver of a spouse that's in really bad shape is present for years and to do some financial planning for that just makes sense and and I think about the power of this verse here.I'm like Paul, I want God to be the hero of my story. I don't want Robbie to be Robbie took care of himself. The ending erratically and we went out quickly when out of the woods that govern also that things would you know that Indian she's used to go out and just you know, just go out to the woods and enough that's making yourself the hero of the story right is not trusting God is not trusting your interest in saying, look, this is this is really what end-of-life looks like and oh by the way, I've learned a very hard way that now I don't want in any way shape or form a skilled care facility of any kind. If you know I would very much want the home health at the beauty of of the long-term care programs available now is that that's a big part of what they will provide just like you talked about 12 hours and somebody coming in your house and help your wife or your kids with that situation. Oh yeah, and they're doing the heavy lifting, and in the reality is when I do not have left it were not talking about Tammy not taking Terry were were simply talking about hiring somebody to come into your home and do some things to relieve her and do the heavy lifting so that she can either comforting you and then she can go out during the day and have some other activities participated church from either of these folks go to church anymore because they can't leave their loved one behind. Now I'll speak about life Tammy prominent in the church last six weeks because we had to take turns and she knows I think so. You go ahead honey and that's what happened in and meaning in the women end up bearing the brunt of the scan thing. Even though you're going to Sunday school. She's on there right now, a lot of this falls in the women and Sonya circled back to doing some planning so that there's going to be money available is easily spent to take care of much needed care. Second, to relieve anybody of the responsibilities is like a separate people is not when I'm at home is not chronically well that so I met we got a jump in here and say wow this is finishing well certified financial planner Han style and this show is based on Han's book the complete cardinal guide to planning for and living retirement which courses cardinal cardinal there you find the seven ways to have one of which is this long-term-care thing were talking about today and there's a free PDF of what reduction metadata from his book the whole chapter on the book or the workbook free or you can email Hans Wells.

I tell you if you just tuning in your gun.

Wow, I've got to go into Walmart and I want to hear the rest. About the stuff on long-term care. What I can do to plan for that. Well you can go to iTunes and you can do a search for finishing well OR you can just go to target and get the podcast right there and at your leisure. Listen to this and all sorts of episodes that we've had. I guess were stuffed in the 40s now so that you can list a lesson. So again, finishing you can get the podcast there you can get the seven words tab you can get the free book but you can tell that it is definitely Hans is in cardinal guides part for God to be the hero of the story at an part of that looks like finishing well right and in this whole situation on long-term care you know is where you really are coming in for a landing here at this point and where the finish line is, and at that point in time when you're at your most vulnerable. You know what, if you set aside for a plan right absolute and so when we come back we have more ideas on how to plan for in this situation long-term-care which has a lot of months will be right back. Hans and I would love to take our show on the road to your church and Sunday school Christian or civic group. Here's a chance for you to advance the kingdom through financial resources and leveraging Hans expertise and qualified charitable contributions veterans aid and attendance IRA Social Security data care and long-term care. Just go to cardinal and contact Tom to schedule a live recording of finishing well at your church Christian or civic group contact Tomczyk cardinal cardinal welcome back to finishing well aware today show a certified financial planner Han Schama cardinal guide is who will be the hero of your story and we start off the show with this Scripture from second Corinthians 12 nine going back to our hero Paul who actually wanted God to be the hero of the story you know he had prayed and prayed because you know he didn't need this thorn in the flesh. Whatever it was if he was going to go about bringing the kingdom of God know that's kind of where we all are.

Is it you know we don't and in the Scriptures meant so much to me over the years to realize that when I met my weakest point that's for God that his strongest point work were God really shows off is when I am being completely vulnerable in a really saw that my father by the way, over the weekend when he really got vulnerable he looks stronger to me than I've ever seen in its to see how he really was sitting back and trusting God with with his story. You know with how he would finish well and those kind of things, but it it kinda takes a beat down for a lot of us to get to that well yeah I mean when I'm sitting down with clients people and ATVs were clients because these are real people in their own individual people.

What I'm many times when there I'm thinking like how can I impress upon them the things I need to impress upon them how can I win them over to my way of thinking, how can I point out their vulnerabilities of vulnerabilities are Artie there. How can I point out these things that are coming out coming, possibly coming for them were most likely coming for them and how can we best prepare and we really, I'm asking for a lot because it puts people who otherwise have a good life and things are going along just fine now and maybe they're just coming up on Medicare and we got have these discussions about death and about long-term care and having somebody take care you and about sickness and Medicare and about Social Security and a lot of them or think of let's roll. People will guess what is a lot of old people that really except that like it in the media just what what people need to go through to successfully, you know, just to accomplish a successful way. What we want to do, which is financial planning, finish well. I need to take them to some difficult places or they need to go there and is it. It's a real vulnerable place and it's almost like advance vulnerability in your dad's in a real vulnerable place right now you're in a very vulnerable place with him and you know I can't necessarily prevent that from happening, but I need you to get into that same kind of place so that we can at least plan the money this because you know that money doesn't buy happiness, but of little bit extra money or a lot of extra money to coming here and pay for home healthcare folks in a crisis well thought out beforehand is wonderful, especially in of the dangle that you know I'm I'm thinking my kids, but I'd left Tammy completely out of the equation and that's most likely an and you know that doesn't involve heavy. I watched her try to turn my father over and I've seen her try to do things know you say heavy lifting or not it.

I mean those things are hard and mean God's been working on you pretty hard and I sent many in here a year ago and you view now feel that this because I need to get in here so you do some things to prepare for your dad for what was coming in your mother-in-law that you've been an easy case for me to menu you drunk the Kool-Aid.

You're just like okay what I need to do you read the book you went through this thing.

So what really got us to this blessed today were talking about long-term care. I want to get to the core issue and we just talk about this night. Talk to people years about Diane people malignant. So therefore they buy life insurance and that whole discussion in the finishing of it is much easier than the discussion about long-term golf.

We actually go back to our discussion at lunch because we were talked about this at one and what it was in and Hans kept saying Robbie I feel like there's some surrender involved in a network surrender and he kept saying that an and I and I so I started looking up Scriptures and had to do a surrender and I couldn't find anything. You note that was fit in was surrender and then he mentioned that if people people would be vulnerable. So I know just Google Scriptures on vulnerability right and up comes the very first one second rent is not. I look at that script and I went all my goodness, look how this one hits the mark because how many times in my life when I let realize that in my weakness God would come in. You know when I'm crushed between two jeeps and God hold my life together and when I had cancer. God held my life together and all of the worst possible circumstances. You know that's one God was the hero of the story was when I would surrender is the word be vulnerable, however, that looks and so how now that I realized it, you know, I really this isn't some I can just doing my own. I don't understand all the financial principles involved in in finishing well and so why not get somebody like yourself to show me what you have. You know how to begin the plan for all these different things in long-term care being like the crme de la crme kinda like it that it that's the deal because all my goodness enough to think I would straddle my wife with with that kind of situation where she had to feel like I can't put Robbie in a nursing home in unite can you imagine what yeah I mean I actually can and the thing that we do with the long-term care discussion is when people come into financial planning with us which are in my book were looking at seven things so security, Medicare, long-term care IRAs investments life insurance and estate planning and income taxes for retired people who were looking at those seven things and they're all interrelated. But right in the middle of those is long-term care.

You know what I'm struggling with and continue to struggle with and I want to do better at. I want my whole firm to do better at is getting clients to leading them to a place of vulnerability that they need to get into even if it's only for an hour or two to make some good financial decisions about planning for this. So the burden of this isn't borne by the family.

Because the reality is, is your dad's and suffer much over money you know and really hasn't accepted the beginning of this thing at the beginning of this thing we Robbie at my recommendation hired some long-term care or some home healthcare people to come out there and I think you through mountain and it wasn't terribly vulnerable.

I just he's got you did throw them out because of monies have plenty of money and like they were treatment, but I will promise you if he had long-term care insurance paid for home healthcare or some type of fun. We set up of the self-funded deal initially and those people were paid by the insurance company that he bought back many years ago, he would've thrown them out even asked for more. You were up there with them is not like you were absent and we knew we were up there and you work but my whole point is is is that I need people in financial planning beyond the financial risks and there's a pure financial reason to buy insurance or plan your money or positions of money just so this doesn't bankrupt at some point.

Bankrupt your family so I could just stay on the financial level, but that's not enough to move people to really do something about this. What you've seen right that this is the folks you're dealing with everyday of your life and so unfortunately you see the stories of the people who didn't make those decisions.

And now there's some real suffering yet and I'm not dealing with them in dealing with their adult kids and their adult kids are distraught because their real priorities really should be is on dad or mom me but they're in there talking to me and the first thing I do is comforting and it's not very hard to talk to these people about long-term care and there are things we can do for people in a crisis or map and some of those for you.

What I'm suggesting is let's use all that experience that I've developed helping people that are in the situation now and back the clock up 20 or 30 years and well overdoing your other financial planning and get ready for retirement. Let's put a priority on this and then maybe you could just become vulnerable and just realize a this could happen to me and it is can be devastating if it does, and what I'm gonna do is make sure that the monies there and we have solutions. My book my workbook outlines about 15 different solutions in the long-term care that all pay $3000 a month for home healthcare, and they all have inflation on and they all pay it for anywhere from a year to four years. Most of them being four years and they're all different ways of going about it with either premiums or single premiums it if you get the complete cardinal guide to planning for living in retirement you going to that long-term care chapter and gives the prices at 55 and 70 so you can guess around there and I'd certainly be willing to prepare something like this for a bit if you want to get an idea of some of the solutions. The workbook is now and I go you know I'm excited actually about some of the solutions because those hybrids and I'm looking at my own situation planning forward.

You know they they come as annuities and they have possibilities of life insurance that are involved in. If you never end up needing not long-term care. There's ones that have stuff working. All that would go to your Kemi nurses all sorts of options and who didn't like options.

I mean, you know that yes is part of a long-term care along the long-term financial plan for the nice things about a hybrid is its is can a live dire quit is what again the sales training people. A lot of times the stuff they come up with this doesn't work very well okay that I learned all you know they come out and so so with Olivia's is if you buy one of these hybrid policy and you live a long time. You can be real glad you bought it because it's gonna pay for long-term care if you die which rug in a dive, but if you die early or you die without using it you can get all your money back and then some paid out in life insurance to your beneficiaries and if you quit all these companies throw some kind to get out of the deal provision that says you can get all your money back or most your money back or your money back with interest. If you just decide you don't want to be 10 years from now and so they have live dire quit were all three scenarios you, you know, you gain from him regardless of what it takes is that all the nuts and bolts of the situation. I got that down. Let me worry about that. The real issue is is. Maybe you didn't like surrender. Vulnerability is really to sit to just accept the facts.

Acceptance of the this could happen to me the consequences to my family are going to be difficult when I am a man to make him better. The way Paul put it, which is wonderful is you know my you know his perfectionism is made perfect in my weakness right and so here you got weakness and asked God to come in and sit.

He's given be the hero of the story. Thank you for listing the finishing well today. Remember cardinal and get the podcast if you miss some of the show or you get the thankfulness.

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