The Dating Deficit And The Decline of Courtship Culture

Hearing collapse and courtship culture.

And we have now called dating. This is the policy with NC family Pres. John Weston thanks for joining us this week for family policy motors. The dating scene in America is dramatically different than it was one or two generations ago single Americans today often wonder why it's so hard to meet others to date and ultimately to marry in our current culture.

Interestingly, a new documentary follows five modern-day singles age 20 to 40 in their quest to find authentic love and meaningful relationships. The documentary also highlights one Boston college professors unique and popular dating assignment that is meant to get her students thinking about and experiencing traditional dating were joined today by Catherine Fowler sample, who is the writer and producer of the award-winning film the dating project and were excited to speak with her about that that film today Catherine. Welcome to family policy matters. It's great to have you with us on the show. Thank God for Catherine today's dating scene has really shifted from the traditional idea of courtship and commitment to one that seems to be more focused on frankly hooking up and hanging out what is the difference in these mindsets and why is this concerning hearing collapse and courtship culture.

And we have now called big dating and when it is not something we don't have enough skating going on had a keypad hooking up hanging out really dark that old-fashioned gate" characters and really big different mind that courtship and nicknames for chair really allowed for ability and expectation and relationship, and one of the parts of the documentary 20 something girl that we follow see a guy what is it going out around time. Anything dating is like I did want to know what you define that and he's like, well, dating back when dating dating like what people are laughing totally got ridiculous.

The dead that because we can all relate to that lack of accountability and expectation to be able to click back okay. This relationship can have a trajectory you have to connect in every relationship you enter and you obviously not meant to work out it not work out. Not important. That move on, but a different bed that accountability and expectation that our next thing and hang out hookup culture and box 1 of the things that were striving door to the dating project was for you, aha moment when you realize that something was really wrong with our current dating culture in which physical intimacy has become more casual and committed dating relationships to become aware and then wanted you decide that you were going to try to address this issue with the movie. Well birthday party Monica California and I was one of the dead girl at one point during the looked around I realized that everyone in their angle strange because each girl was pretty confident and hot and impressed that a professional ranking that no good reason that anyone in the girls couldn't have been in a relationship yet again hit me that there is something going on here and that party in microcosm of what's happening in the dating world and that there's not enough skating going on. Not really dark and need to get to the heart of what was going on in the world dating relationships itself, not inquiry. I think that out snake the dating project well and I know is you were in the process of making the dating project movie that you came across Dr. Cleary, claimant who's a professor at Boston College. He was featured in the movie and talks about the fact that when you ask young people today the many will say that they want to date, but that they really don't know how was the idea of dating so elusive and confused. Today while Dr. K Kiernan Boston College professor who aside though he thought the social grant as hookup culture dominated the dating culture and I like the fight hookup to, or everyone that everything on looking at that I can mean anything from kicking actually hadn't and Dr. casual and commitment, casual, and though something.law as this generation got older, new way dating why I didn't transfer it to the millennial generation and had the voice of media to spend the wrong on the phone for how people are kneading and finding live and created a lot of use and because the social script of dating was something that everybody knew how to date and if there's a script is like manner. The unwritten rules of the culture. No please and thank you. You know how close that no one's ever writing down for you, and how it got lot. It wasn't being transferred and when we have like to time to do that with out being on the thing with music instead of the company. You have a cacophony that can easily be applied to going on a date if you're not back which is what is social script provide Derek confusion and embarrassment and uncontrolled expectation that the hockey day thinking only nice and hot magnified relationship progressed so what we've experienced good not to dating back with Dr. Carrie Kroening tried to restore by getting good and dating your listening policy matters a resource to listen to our radio show online resources that will place of persuasion in your community to our website NC family.

Margie I will Tell us about the dating assignment, the doctor, Kroening offers Boston College and what happened when you followed some of her students for your film well feel like going out with several senior Boston College and I were talking about graduation and what their graduation plans were and it cannot, whether or not will dating on the verge of getting engaged and all the like. No were not even close to being back. We have not been on a date coming to college Boston College former day and it had been a great pro dating can't but acknowledge that after talking more different started to realize that dominant hookup culture on college and right at that for her class that you going to date although everyone wanted to know how kids go out there and everything wanted to do it at the end of the night. He found none of them had gone on a date because they didn't know how and people were asking that light will how to act out what are the actual words. Where should we go play that birthday decided to create more of the formal assignment given during one point in her flock to the classic kind of the character building thing and take the van given the different rules for what it date should look like in some of the rules for like 99 that you should pay that among people felt after getting the rules which really was the social threat they felt confident enough that I other people out. What we found documentary be whacked to the college at the time that the assignment was given much with around Valentine's Day young man in particular that we were following. They were just like on cloud 91 than it would get back to me the girl out and got a date yet. Just like that was such an amazing feeling like so much better than anything that I ever had walking on the other young man.

We followed gone and it was different. A burger for 19 of going out for a burger for 90 neck with this girl that you like and he said how it was just one eclectic. Looking at her hat and I think it really speak to our innate desire interpersonally and really feel affirmed by getting from another person were not really seeing Mike anymore because were all on her phone and were also distracted with so many different things, especially in the tech technological here that were not even slowing down to just say hey let's grab a cup of coffee and cut � and get to know one another and not unity restoring casual dating and bring it back and making it normal to hear about the excitement about it in the experience once these individuals. The concept now it's something this is something that is not uncommon in our culture today where folks in my generation disorder take things for granted and expected. Everybody understands what dating is about a natural thing but for a lot of younger people this is not the case might think it's so it's great to have gone through this process to understand better and to see the positive experiences that I'm sure many of these people have is the go to the class and learn what dating is about truth work within the confines of these guidelines that help just two individuals to come together and invest time in each other and enjoyed our time together. i know that you have your own personal story that scott is related to this project is will give us a little insight into the right well why project i found the value of outside my interest when i was working in the film industry, dating filmmaker type but created background and when i met my now husband i found out that he was fine and i thought it might be very different. we came from such different faith that even though he's more of a numbers guy. mark had thick like you prefer to read the wall street journal. i'd rather watch, when i quickly got that it was different. that didn't matter and it actually made more dynamic couple of them ended up hitting it off in every other area talking about getting married baby and find me my naked dating documentary. i didn't expect that no speaking about dating to unknown online dating is becoming more common these days but frankly it still does hold a bit of the stigma in our culture, at least for some. what advice would you offer to those who want to have both a positive and potentially successful experience in the online dating world now something that caught part 20 century dating that i think especially in the millennial not really didn't type anymore. even at all that you can use it well done. why lady and i always say that people should have healthy parameters and one at that.

i wanted to take it off-line and recognize you cannot tell me that they play that the point of online dating people are going to need online because a lot of time. they know that people who work they are actually ironically enough, one of the places that provide that area like okay we know that were here interested. today, late every cake is done at more the hookup convocation and opportunity to people that you normally what is realistic expectations not much pressure on it like it have to work that good thing. actually, it being done by stanford university recently that those who are needing online actually moving toward marriage. then people who are not part of that people know that they're there because their interest looking for a meaningful and committed relations that they can be another avenue in one day and age is been a fascinating discussion. i want to give you all an opportunity before we leave today to let our listeners know where they can go to learn more about the project moving your good work. dating project.com you can find out more information. very screening at your church pool is available on dvd for target and walmart, and digital Color Sample. Thank You so Much for Being with Us on; You've Been Listening to Family Policy Matters Production of NZ Family to Listen to Our Radio Show Online for More Valuable Resources and Information about Issues Important to Families in North Carolina Go to My Website and See Family.org and Follow Us on Twitter and Facebook