Breaking Down and Building Up: Healing From Abuse

And you know everything about it. This is family policy matters, a weekly radio show and podcast from NC family designed to better inform listeners about the critical issues of the day and encourage you to be voices of persuasion for family values in your communities. Thank you for joining us for family policy matters. I'm tracing about Greg's communications director at NC family.

One of the sad realities.

Too many young people face today is that they have suffered abuse at the hands of a loved one.

These experiences, whether physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual leave deep, often lifelong wounds that are difficult to overcome.

Today we are joined by Krista Lena Evert, founder of women made new ministries and cofounder with her husband, Jason of chastity project together. Krista Lena and Jason have spoken to more than 1 million teens on five continents, answering the tough questions about dating relationships and sexual purity of particular interest to for our conversation today. Krista Lena is also a survivor of abuse. She is a new publication entitled made new healing and hope for abuse survivors, which is designed to help people find healing from abuse Krista Lena Everett. Welcome to family policy matters. I greatly think of me today.

Krista Lena, I noticed that your book focuses primarily on women who are survivors of abuse and of course we know that that men often are as well. Why did you choose to address this book mainly to women well because of my own cross, and what I went through as a woman I so I equip a certain amount of authority of my own healing process. So I related more to women and I just had such a heart for women and just the struggle that they do work on a day-to-day basis.

And I know that men are subject to the it was loud, but as of right now I'd felt comfortable just seeking out the woman from my heart. Do you feel like the message that will be given to men is probably going to be another book is that this can be slightly different. Do you think for them yet absolutely I was actually happy with my husband about that. Not long ago, probably coming down the road will definitely be in the works, because I think they men are under attack in their own way. I think that's absolutely a project that Kathy Craddock will be coming out with down the road. Great. Let's start with an observation that you open your book with you say that women are particularly good at stuffing our stuff. That's a quote and having a put together exterior while numbing internal suffering with false constellations. So why do you think so many women focus on putting on a brave face in the midst of their deep suffering in my generation going back but I was taught I would never talk actually deal with the problem just kind of neat strong second out and move on an outer had to look as good as possible to know if it actually was going on with it inside and I think Whitney Dave Appleby perfected that and it's just easier to just go on with life and not really have to build a hard issues your book addresses many of the sayings that women say to themselves.

This self talk. What you find are the biggest lies that prevent abuse survivors from finding the healing and the future that they need and want in many of these lies. They say to themselves, don't lay. Oh hi, you know, and I felt pain little afraid of Karen or I truly believe that one top is the most important features throughout her day and in her life had it really kind of shape the direction that we actually go and I like and I realized that I was actually holding myself back think that I was thinking to myself when those are things that we get back to overcome.

We have to bring into the light because one thing that I found in all of this is that here they have a secret that we carry the evil might keep everything in the dark when we bring those things to the right and bring them to Jesus. The devil can't follow it there.

He's got to go. He cannot candlelight and then back we truly can go think we can confront think we can look at the things in our past that we were scared to or we want overcome the appliqu� didn't happen because I really believe that though so much easier for women. At least they think that will get me back with his life and myself because lowly things just are coming up and coming out.

Then they start affecting your marriage. Your mother close your relationship how you actually start living out of that one. You don't realize how you handicap your help over time. What about people who say they feel they are unworthy of love who can't envision a better and happier future because of past abuse. What kinds of things would you say to them, really a stronghold on someone's life. Everybody have any to give love and to risky lab and so the most important thing I think you want to join process is confronting those why you can't eat yourself to what else are you getting yourself where you going in your life. And so with that. One of the main reason I wrote it because I selected why perpetually telling ourselves as women handicap it in a relationship moving forward in becoming the woman that God truly is calling us to be all of the guests and all of the grace of it all the thinking asking about can't fully complete that we come into that if were coming to it handicap with all the brokenness in all the world. So with all of this destructive, often destructive self talk and then trying to keep it all a secret. I would imagine seeking outside help is probably a good first step discussed that a little bit you know is a heart issue a hard topic and first I want.

I need to camp anything countering how my family talk about that for some of her either really had psychological issues but it's really not true and it was humbling and very difficult, but I knew I went farther put my prayer life for the cut on my own and I really felt God in my heart, calling it that was the direction he would ask me to go and so I was obedient and I followed that inclination and only thank God that I did because in that moment I realized that I was sexually abused as a child I need so much tension I felt for the first time in my life. All the pieces click all of the things just started connecting and it's hard that was. It was really great in my life listening to Stanley policy matters of radio show and cast from the NC family.

You can sign up to receive an update on any time to listen to the show online for more resources that will help you the voice of persuasion. Anyone go to our website and family watching did you feel like you went through a time of cleansing was really difficult at first, was there a lot of cut having to dredge up old and difficult things before you started to feel a sense that you are making progress.

How did that go for you.

I felt like all of the think were built up that were on why my wife started breaking everything down and I felt like I was so broken start from scratch but I felt like old building kind hearted that was God's oath of rebuilding what had broken down within me that he take something away by Julie within the counseling with me going to my creature reading the Bible in journaling and in finding that group.

Good group of people that could support me and all of this, taking the bad away but he was replacing it. What I felt always not completed with the good grace with the strength and I just started feeling so alive and to gather and not always angry and always just that something wasn't right and I was tired of living that way and it's hard to confront all of the finger to go to counseling and is recognized in my own family, which is very difficult.

I'm out of that now and you look back and I can talk about it and I can write about it because I'm not ashamed anymore. You don't have that guilt you don't have that kind of document wording.

If you're constantly walking around with these unhealthy things that I was doing on Melbourne because that's what happened you going to politely let him he can kill you with his love and his mercy, and especially the people around you that you let in that healthy for you. Okay so let's talk a little bit about that seeking a professional counselor who has experience dealing with people that have suffered from abuse. You clearly think that's important that you mentioned a few times the other people that are in your life.

So are those some hard choices that you have to make as well about who you allowed to stay in your life and who you decide is not good to have in your life any longer. You know they're there for major thing that I did one of them getting rid of the toxic people in our lives. I feel like they're the bad cycle and with people that are just not good for in order to do that and healing process had to go to. I really pray about and I knew there were just certain people that did not belong in my life and I had to get rid of them. In the book I'm going to going process right now and for the time I get need to step back and this is about me not you alienated about me to make it easier. Some of them were family members and it was very difficult, and it was really hard, but at the same time I knew I was really sorry about my feeling I had to get my life at that time because I just needed healthy boundaries like that something you have to be real. Learn after you go to something like this while you're going through something like that. You really decide what's okay and what's not okay in your life because something they try to hide that for you and it's not something to feel bad about that good you're doing something good for yourself may not be a forever thing but it's a temporary thing that will help you become strong need to maybe bring the people back to life, not condition you have to pray about their strong. Little to do with them in the proper way versus getting manipulated or just being unhealthy again. You also mentioned that once your shield and your becoming more willing to admit that you have been hurt in this way that it can actually be a help to other people who are suffering the same end and fighting the same battles.

Can you actually encourage people who have suffered from abuse to be a person. This could help others through the process of healing I would've been you that I know in my own life.

You are the only one because the shame that that is wrapped up in that it is something that you just want to hide. Anyone need never want to bring it to daylight. I do understand that by doing that and bringing it out there to rank them active in empowerment and courage is contagious and I think in my own life and I think other people that it affected me that it didn't encourage actually step out and do what it is I'm doing and not be afraid because that's just not God no matter what you've been through no matter what is happening person can be killed and they can overcome that can be strong in making the whole nation be everything God is calling them to be all they have to do is show up to their own fight in the bottle but the end of the day we just go to God and pray. And we know in our heart that we need to do something not working no matter what it is the matter with no matter what type of abuse that it happened over, and that they are not alone in any way shape or form that there other women out there just like them with faith. With only little bit and not be afraid.

So how can those of us who have not experienced this kind of abuse. How can we keep our eyes open for this is how can we avoid may be making the hurt worse. What what can we do to help one encourage someone you know you just love just on conditional lot because the person that really walked in and saw that they can't bring those things out or bring them to the light or even talk about them or want to address them. They really just made that person equally and that love and also pray for that person is such a powerful thing that we as Christians haven't happened have pray the power of prayer for the people. So many abused women out there, and children.

Then the power of prayer can do so much and then just to get things like my small booklet or other resources that are out there to get to eventually encourage them to come forward because I want to do great things with them. Pray thank you for sharing all that were just about out of time for the week. But before we go, Krista, Lena, where can our listeners go if they want to get a copy of your new book and learn more about your ministries. Women made news out, and also check the project.com Krista Lena thank you so much for sharing your experience and being with us today to to discuss this very important topic on family policy matters joy you have been listening to a weekly radio show and podcast from the family to listen to the show online for more resources that will help you be a voice of persuasion in your community.

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