Addicted to Porn? This Way Out

Horn will not go away until using porn consuming corn becomes unthinkable.

Right now we all know it's got bad but it's not yet unthinkable when we see women for who they really are.

That's when the needle moves and it gets recategorized in our minds something that's when you change the family life day where we might help you pursue the relationship and in our Dave Wilson and you can find this@familylifetoday.com or on her family life and family life today, so it isn't every day when were driving, you know that my wife although she often wants to read the Bible out loud. I refuse obsessed with read it out loud and I like to read it out together. You read out loud to my quietly to myself, but were driving in the studio today. She had just read Ray's book, Ray or Linda sit in the studio with us. We had read your book this past week anyway. But I will only say welcome back Rachel is a privilege to be with you.

Glad to have you back at me, you flew in from Nashville where you pastored a church there for years. I mean, I don't know how my grandkids for 20 that's crazy for their anger, for how many years married, by the way, you know it'll be 50 years yet yes grab it well what are you doing as I saw were flying and the whole family to Nashville to been some time at the Opryland find you working to have a blast talking to Grace that since you did knowingly pastored a church you've written. We joked on the last one that you wrote the ESV Bible translator, which is a pretty amazing honor on weighty response to what your translating is going to be read as the word of God.

That's heavy but here's what happened were right driving in your day and goes highly rigid. What I was inspired by from reading your book, the death of porn and I said okay you know what you say your wife and she said I would read you some and by the time we got here to the studio. I'm in tears.

This is powerful as well. I didn't have any intention of reading it today but when I heard I like your reading that on her that as I read your book, Ray.

I was tired because this vision of what would it look like if we eradicated porn and so I wrote this last night as I was just kind of putting my thoughts together and I just said let me speak for myself on behalf of millions of other wives, sisters, mothers and grandmothers. We are mad and underneath our anger is here porn is taking out our amazing and godly men started his magazines and movies felt far away from the shelter of our homes today. It's not only in our homes and on our TVs and computers, but now it's available to every angle person with a cell phone and Internet stealing our men are sons. It's paralyzing them steaming these godly gifted heroes and now more than ever it's capturing the hearts of our daughters as well and it's destroying our faith, our fathers and our families and we don't know how to help or what to do. So let us together and up and fight for our men and families by calling upon the only one that can set the captives free. Let us go to battle on our knees asking King Jesus to fight for us and for those we love and let there be a cry and a roar rocks the heavens. This is our Goliath of the day. Let us call upon the name of the Lord, what would it look like for all of us as women to pray.

Maybe every single Friday at noon porn in this hideous industry would be eradicated in our men and our daughters would be set free by Jesus to become all that he created to be okay my life to the war. It is a battle and maybe it starts with prayer. For women, we can do that because we feel lost as we watch as you call it our men loose the sparkle in their high become hollow when we see it and we feel helpless as women and I know that we can at least be praying. Here's where I move all my chips over onto the resurrection of Christ. If Jesus is alive and risen. I believe Jesus, the risen Jesus is today sprinting through this world saving people left and right, and having a blast doing yeah and let's dare to have that hope is that confidence that conviction and let's have our eyes we see the evils and they are disheartening.

They are terrified and we are indignant with beings being humiliated and degraded and robbed. We are indignant toward that but we turn our eyes to the Lord and we say okay let's build homes with home is confidence in Christ and hope my quote from Shawshank redemption know you love flipping around it's on is a stop.

I just can't watch it again to customer the scene where Andy goes into the office of the Warden and locks the door and he turns on the record player and he puts on records of Opera. It goes out over the loudspeaker out into the prison yard and read speaks. He says this I have no idea. To this day with them to Italian ladies were saying about. I like to think they were singing about something so beautiful can't be expressed in words it makes your heart ache because of I tell you those voices soared higher and further than anybody in a great place dares to dream it was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away and for the briefest of moments.

Every last man at Shawshank. Feel free that's what I hoped us yeah the music of the gospel comes into the prison camp of this world where everybody is wondering how do I even survive this and the music of the gospel comes in the risen Christ speaking to us through the gospel, bringing hope, bringing energy, bringing a joy in life again and prisoner start coming alive. We want that to happen in our home.

We want our kids to experience that we want that to happen in our churches.

We wanted to bleed out into our cities.

We want to see a movement of hope, evil doesn't stand a chance.

Evil is secondary and parasitic. It's not primary and original evil is the ultimate want to be and it cannot endure the presence of hope in the risen Christ, so that's what we want to unleash. Porn is not the issue.

Despair is the issue. The battle against porn is a battle for hope and when men and women dads and moms and kids have hope burning in their hearts. Wonderful new thing start not only access that hope is when even a minute ago when you said your Jesus sprinting through the world saving people I thought most people, even in the church don't have that vision. They have the cultures women were under sort of a cloud of darkness because whether it's pornography or whatever the The Voice of the culture is so strong. You said pornography is the wallpaper of our generation.

We feel that darkness we we said Jesus. I just our smile like what's happening reading it and we don't we don't always have that integration or a hardware like Izzy doesn't look like it you know what's really going on in the world is the unreported story of Jesus reaching down into the low places in the dark places the places of despair and failure and betrayal and pain and anguish and regret and wishing for do overs. That's where Jesus loves to go so what happens when we get together debut. For example, if we got together for coffee. You would bring something of that spark of hope. To me, I would bring something of that spark of hope to you and somehow in God's mercy and grace the collision of your little hope with my little hope would erupt into something bigger.

It's not too close to a sports 2+2 is a thousand. That's what happens. I can't account for that. But getting together makes everything exponentially better. Okay, talk to the winning who are married to these guys there. Men have no friends zero and cell date, there has been need somebody I'm his only friend I've heard so many women come to me and I'm encouraging like he needs.

Man, that's why we need the church. We need to gather ourselves together. How would you guys encourage those women.

I mean if we just pray about that. How does a magnificent godly wife facilitate a better marriage. This is a perennial and my poor wife. I don't know how she does it will. Sometimes I wish this were true, but it is we just need to feel badly enough that we can't delight anymore. We can't hide. I wish it were better right. I wish there was another way yeah but I remember for example one time when we'd been married for seven years I was working real easy hard way too hard. I was neglecting my wife and children. We country that fail even there. Okay well you know what I mean yeah Jenny was incredibly wise. I mean, this was not one episode. This was a whole life pattern that I was establishing and I was oblivious to it. I was the only one not seeing Jenny and I said that we had a talk and because she didn't yell and scream and freak out because she was so gentle and understated, and respectful and kind. I didn't see it coming.

I didn't have time to duck. She said to me Ray you know that the children and I we will always love you were not sure will always have you, and immediately I knew she was right. I knew her point was valid and relevant and it was true, and I needed to hear that and it worked.

Should my wife rebuked me gently, gently, and it worked. She leveled with me. She was honest with me. She treated me with respect. She respected me enough to tell me the truth and to help me see where this was going without threats and in that moment. It was a moment of grace was a divine moment in our marriage. When my wife rebuked me and I realized it's time for me to change this interesting to hear that because my story similar, but I do remember going to a John Maxwell conference where I took as a pastor took hundred some people from our church a got a go here this guy leadership. I don't know what he said on leadership. I read a lot of John stuff is great, but I remember him saying this, a person doesn't change until the pain is too great pain gets our attention.

You know I'm good to eat anything I want until you have a heart attack, then you're like oh my goodness you know then you change and I think it's true in a marriage. You know, when you realize there's real pain here if I don't make a change. Like you, your wife confronted you and just sit by words. I lost my feelings for you and it was the same. They were started church I'm going crazy just out of control like you said Ray. I don't see it, everybody, my family thought I could see it. She says I lost my feelings for you and again I was very gentle even yell at him.

It was just like this marriage is about done because you never hear in your passion. I learned early failure but I know I was just like if some done change. The pain was great enough so I think you're right. It's in some ways, you gotta submit the biggest things get on your knees and pray for your man but the other thing is in a general way. Maybe yeah I think so too, and I think to go before God and to ask him like Lord give me the words.

I think you're right. I think our men hear us more in our gentleness.

The truthfulness and in our wing crazy and yelling yeah you know, that was for the great moments in our marriage we had great moments of romance and joy and no profound affection, and so forth. But that moment of, piercing sorrow, that was a great moment. The Lord was in that and so a young wife who is worried about her husband can pray Lord prepare me for that painful great moment when this falls apart help me get ready to be a faithful wise wife. When my husband its wall helpful. Hey Ray, what would you say to you, were both in the older generation.

What would you say to the younger Ray in his 30s, 40s, you know they're listening right now. Hopefully and we get the chances someone is been there to grandpas in the room, and a grandmother to say what what I say to myself, what would you say to the younger man who's on that we don't see it when you're doing about me and we are obsessed with building our kingdom and hopefully his kingdom. But where are obsessed with it.

Well, I think the truth that's a great question to the truth of it is I wasn't a good listener, so even if I myself showed that Ray would listen.

So I was so brash and self-assured.

I've come to realize that the most evil part of me commonly feels good doesn't feel evil. It's a spirit of self-assurance. I've got this.

I just know that is actually very destructive and I spent too much time there in my 20s and 30s. My dear wife found a box of prayers she had written from the 70s today.

I made the mistake of opening it was painful, was a because it gave me a window into myself.

How was my wife bring for me during those years I really had not realized what a pain in the neck. I was and she just hung in there with me and because now we just have this breezy wonderful marriage right. We are just giddy in love with each other but I give her so much credit for being a serious woman of God who stood by her vows to God on her wedding day and just kept praying for me and then God gave me moments of confrontation and failure and self-discovery along the way and little by little I grew up one of the things you do in the book as you reintroduce the characters when you talk about the death of porn again.

Didn't see that coming. But do you feel like when were young men, 30s, 40s, and were racing forward you think porn becomes an escape. Well actually wrote this book, as you pointed out Dave in the form of a series of letters you dear son, because I wrote it for one guy who was a composite portrait of these hundreds of guys and interacting with through the years. These magnificent young men and I gave my name is name is Jake. I wrote the book Jake. I think that's a cool name. If I could choose my own Jake Jake right.

I don't really like Ray Jacob school, so I wrote this for Jake and let me tell you about.

He's just a great guy you would love them. He's a lot of fun. He's, you know, in his early 30s married couple kids working hard. He's on upward career path.

Things are going pretty well goes to church once twice a month. He's not involved in anything bad there's a lot good about his life and he's got the sidebar of porn use. He doesn't feel good about.

He's not proud of it, but is not worried about it either and there's so many guys like that. What Jake doesn't realize is this 10 years from now, there's a good chance to be divorced.

20 years from now, there's a good chance his kids won't respect them and might not even be talking to them 30 years from now. Jake might not even believe in God he doesn't see it coming because what he's making allowance for is metastasizing into the depths of his being and I care about Jake. I care about his future and I care about his wife and his kids and I think you can still have a great life he can let go of this above average existence settling for that and he can become a formidable man of God, but he is got to turn against that porn that he's making allowance for and believe in his own magnificence created in the image of God, see his wife with new eyes.

Her royalty her magnificence his children. Everybody around him. He's living in a world filled with wonder. He doesn't see it and he doesn't see the path that is actually on so I wrote this to help Jake see new Jake a new reality, a whole new life, a new future. I want to help that guy get there into a great life so inspiring. It's what we want.

Yes yeah, I think, as you know, I started reading it. You know you start with. You are royalty talking to Jake which is Everyman and you say she is royalty well of the Bible is very clear that Genesis 127 so God created man in his image in the image of God he created him male and female he created them.

No, there are other creation accounts from the ancient world. For example, the Babylonians had their own sort of version of Genesis 1 in the Babylonian creation account. We are not created in the image of God, the creation of the woman is even mentioned. But in Genesis 1 and two. Everybody is in Babylonian mythology was only the King who was in the image of God and the elite was in the much God the Bible democratize is the image of God gives it to everybody who's human and the climax of the creation account in chapter 2 of Genesis is the creation of the woman. She's the hero of the story and in the Babylonian version she's just assumed in the biblical version she's celebrated so the Bible really gives us new eyes to see how magnificent woman is. For example, I love this. In the allure of the rings by J.R.R. Tolkien, one of my favorite oh yeah yeah oh yeah glad drilled the elfish Queen wants to give each member of the Fellowship, a parting gift, everything sort of noble and wonderful and she asked Gimli the dwarf what he wants and he says so I would dare ask anything and she surprised is very humble you know, but she urges him to go ahead and dare make a request of her and he says there is nothing lady glad drilled, said Gimli bowing low in stammering nothing unless it might be permitted to ask to name a single strand of your hair which surpasses the gold of the earth as the stars surpass the gems of the mine. I do not ask for such a gift, but you commanded me to name my desire and the other elves there looking honored like no way did he just asked what did he say and Gledhill says none have ever made me so bold request and yet so courteous and how shall I refuse since I commanded him to speak, tell me Gimli. What would you do with such a gift, and he said treasurer lady and if I ever return to the Smithies of my home. It shall be set that strand of hair shall be set in imperishable crystal to be an heirloom of my house and a pledge of goodwill between the mountain and the wood until the end of days and then Tolkien says the lady ungraded one for long tresses and cut off three golden hairs and laid them in Gimli's hand. I believe every woman is a potential for lead trio home. We will perceive in the new heavens and the new earth with all and wonder she will be formidable. She will be wise, she will be awe-inspiring. Every woman in this humiliating degrading world can have that destiny. She too is created in the image of God my privilege is to create conditions in this world where she can dare to believe that and through Christ reach for it because she deserves such a beautiful image ED that Dave, while I do that for me. I feel like you have believed it in me more than I have and I think that's true of every husband as he speak any see things in his wife and maybe we don't see it lists our heads and it reminds us that we were made in God's image and it gives us hope that we can live out what he's called us to live out beautiful and I do think if we as men see women that way as we should from Genesis wanted to their image bearers and princesses created by God. We will treat them as such. And that destroys porn. This porn will not go away until using porn consuming porn becomes unthinkable. Right now we all know it's but it's not yet unthinkable when we see women for whom the that's when the needle moves and it gets recategorized in our minds to something that's powerful observation that David Wilson and Ray Orton just made about the essential dignity of women and how that truth that reality works against the stronghold that pornography is in the lives of so many we have to see the fundamental worth and dignity of both men and women in order to understand how degrading pornography is and if we really do want to see the death of porn in our own lives and in our own culture, our minds need to be renewed with a fresh way of thinking about who God has made us to be as his creatures. This is something the right Portland speaks too clearly in his book, which is called the death of porn. It's a book that we have in our family life. Today, resource Center, a book, we are suggesting that fathers and teenage sons could work through together, or for that matter, fathers and college-age or young adult sons young married sons. This is a book for all men to work through together and I think in community is the best way to do it may be get together with guys from church to go through this book we have copies in our family life today resource Center. You can go online to family life to.com to request your copy or call one 800 FL today again. The book is titled the death of porn by Ray Orton order online@familylifeto.com or call 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today that we will ask you to join with us and pray for the thousands of couples were to be gathering this weekend in four locations Napa Valley California, Hershey, Pennsylvania, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Hilton Head, South Carolina. We had weekend.

Remember getaways happening in those four cities this weekend.

Next weekend We Got Getaways Taking Pl. in Albuquerque, NM, Appleton, Wisconsin and in Kansas City. If you've never attended a weekend to remember get away. We have dozens of these events happening throughout the spring. You can find out more when you go to our website. Family life to the.com again. Pray for the couples who will be gathering for these we can getaways this weekend and next weekend and we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend and we hope you can join us back on Monday when the Gary Thomas and Deborah for later argument be here to talk about what is a challenge for so many couples today, something that is not often addressed the way it ought to be the subject of intimacy. Married couples can do to experience what God designed when he created married sex. I hope you're able to join us for that on behalf of our hosts David and Wilson on Bob team.

See you back Monday for another edition of family life today