When Lonely Moms Long for Relationship

When your mom can be so insulated like nobody else has. It is hard.

This is the impossible task that I have been given today to do all of this laundry, you know, and it is really hard but there are other really hard things to and there other women who will come alongside of you who might be in a simpler stage of life and say how can I help you do that like let's do that together. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most time and Wilson and Dave Wilson and you can find us if we live today.com or on our family life. His family life today so your mother of three boys, your boy Diane should wear a special yeah I would get a boy mom. We got to boy Monzon. Both have three sons, and you know we have actually have daughter-in-law's now and grandkids, but as you think about that. What was the best thing about being a mother, sons, what was the worst. What comes your mind. First, the hardest I would say the worse.

The hardest thing was when their little they are so active like they're constantly on the go and it felt physically exhausting.

I feel like I have a lot of energy but I felt like I don't know if I can do this in the best place just kind of discovering how God made them think their physical illness there fine. There adventure hearts were excited because we have Maggie comes back with us today and Maggie's written a book called motherhood without all the rules. Trading stressful standards for gospel truths so your mom of three boys as well through thinker's new best greatest thing about it what's artist thing.

The hardest thing for me it has just been the physical lists of it like you said, they're so busy.

I remember my husband when he would stay late at work had these three toddler boys and it was like they can't go to bed unless someone has wrestled with them so I would get down on the floor and I would go in the fetal position not be like okay you can wrestle me now and they would just jump all over me. Thankfully their little older now, so now you say like fiscal wrestle with each other. Okay, try not to break about what macro times they've they were so rambunctious or never really so now we like okay outside Sprint up and down the middle of winter in Michigan put all your snow close on you guys run is you can down the street now for like two hours no good but you know just to get some exhaustion because there never Minnesota interesting the things that you do that you said I will do this. Did you have any of those. I'm not sure patting specific ones of those my boys were born in just a clump of baby girls just so many baby girls all my friends are having baby girls and we would have play dates and it was like oh this is a totally different world, and I remember my best friend coming up to me not remember what the item was, but she picked up off my French said. I found this on your floor for her what her nose like all you have course, I'm so glad you found that none.

I was thinking to myself, but I was lucky make it play with you came here so I feel like boys can get a bad rap. Sometime the site say my favorite thing about raising boys is just seeing how tender they can yeah always saying like there, you know rough-and-tumble which they are. But then that flipside were there just really sweet and tender with me with each other and just been really good at loving while still being a crazy boy. I remember one time one of my friends asked me to come over to help her wallpaper her bathroom and she had just had her fifth baby.

I guess that little boy was maybe seven months older, eight months old and so she's corralling all of her kids in the other room and I'm up on the ladder putting this wallpaper up and I said, you might want to come in here because her baby could sit up, but her baby was in the bathroom with me because she was thinking late and watch him find wallpaper and obviously will be fine and I said yeah your little boy has the plunger in its in his mouth waiting for her to rush in and grab that plunger just fine. I don't think that's quite fun. But it's amazing the survival mode that we get into his mom's W think it's a lot different for moms and daughters.

I think it is dependent on personality what he think Maggie Yanni think every mom has to like learn to chill out a little bit some extent, or else crazy manager but plunger level Chile now but you learn to go like okay I can say yes to that when everything inside me is screaming no will protect them. Be careful. Or maybe you've written more than this book tell us about the other things that you've done and that what you're doing now super mom. Yeah.

So my first thought is un-super mommy and it was written in the throes of early motherhood.

When I started at a six-month-old and 18-month-old and a 3 1/2 euro Ukraine being a supermom well know it was like what'd I do really bad.

So it is written from just the overflow of what God was teaching me and the hardest season of my life and it is really Rob is she sharing with women how to release all of those plans that they did have for motherhood that settled there like alert alert emergency. None of my plans are coming to fruition and to release those into embrace the life that God is put before them that day and to know that they can only do that life by the power of God. One of the theme verses for that was second Peter 13 his divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him and I really talk all the things that pertain to life and moms. We grab onto that like it's just really hard to do. Life then to do it with godliness all things we need for godliness are given to us.

We often forget the next part through the knowledge of God. So that's the part where we have to be drying near we have to be living in relationship with God. We have to be abiding in him. And so the other thing that I get to do now is a writer is I am the content director at a ministry called well watered women and I get to write Bible studies and get to oversee social media and share the gospel with women across the board where moms are single who are married or divorced who are widowed. All women not just months and it's been a real gift to get to be a part of that ministry wasn't she one of the sections of of this book, you know motherhood without all the rules. The chapter title was relationship overrules and I initially thought. All I know where this is going because we wrote a chapter are no perfect burns book about rules without relationship equals rebellion sows about your relation with your kids yet. You know, specialist, parents favorite thing around for a long time and it's you know it's highlighted a very important thing, especially teenagers of his father getting from you rules and not cultivating a relationship, it could lead rebellion, but that isn't what you were talking about. I found it very insightful. Your talk about relationship with God over just being a rule-based parent talk about that. Yeah, I think one of the things that I aim to do in my book is talk to the mom's heart because we can give them all the parenting advice in the world but if their heart isn't following God's like I do them any good. It's just slapping on fruit on a tree that is dying, so actually I think that I tried to work about phrase into my book somewhere the rules without relationship equals rebellion because it works the same way our relationship. Yeah right. If we just take all of the good rules all of the good exhortations that the Bible gives us and we try to do them without being in relationship with God working in the pretty angry and gone or thrown. The whole thing out altogether. We seal this the conversion stuff right now.

Ryan thrown it all out altogether in San hey I want anything to do with this anymore and so that's what this book is trying to do its aim at that heart and say instead of trying to fix your actions.

Let's work on what's going on in our hearts is mom dig into that with God.

Learn to be in prayer with him. I think so often were afraid to tell him how upset we are about what is happening in our lives and so being able to actually go to him and be honest like this was really hard today. This is what I'm struggling with not just like here's my laundry list of things I want you to do for me but talk to him like we would talk to our best friends.

I think I call my mom up like 15 times a day. I just held all the weird stuff that happens in motherhood and some is moms if you like me. I just want someone to tell everything to write and we do have someone to tell everything to moms often really struggle with loneliness because were just so deep in our kids lives.

We don't have time to make friendships and first fall does call us to build friendships and to make space for that. But in seasons like when my kids were really little. It was just basically impossible and it was like God can be that for me. She is my friend not just my same.

I think that's so good I know that when our kids were little, I would call my sister and she had four boys and I had three boys and soon as something that happen I would call her and I had this and then we would just vent to one another.

You know, we just go to dark deep places and I realize one day as I was praying I was thinking I had this thought like of God same company first and Jesus had come to me all you who are weary like oh that's me. I had my hand up and so I thought before I call my friend or my sister and I go to God first and tell him everything that's on my heart. Doesn't he want like he wants us to go there with him and it's so funny because the more I did that, the more I felt like I want to go to him first because other people aren't solving my problems. I would get this piece as Philippians says that surpasses all understanding it would guard my heart and my mind in Jesus and every member driving not too long ago and I was praying just talking to God about when I lost my mom and I remember saying to Jesus I hear my best friend and that takes a while to go to him first to learn that that's what we want for our kids and we can model that of letting them see us go before God and kind of telling him what's on our hearts and minds.

I love that you're talking about it. We all long for that we are relational people because we are made in the image of a relational God. He is Trinitarian father son and Holy Spirit, and in him is perfect relationship and back in the garden.

Adam and Eve got to be in perfect relationship and they walked with God and that was broken by sin. But Jesus came to make way for us to have perfect relationship with God again and we will fail sometimes in this world but we are growing it towards living more, and relationship with him and prayer is such an essential part of that I was sick of this. You know, in terms of the relationship with God, and you mentioned earlier that moms often feel lonely so they need another mom or another friend as well. Remember, I don't know where read it years ago I think is Maxim Cato book 25, 30 years ago. He does his cute little story of a little boy running in mom and dad's room during a thunderstorm and he grabs his dad's legacy is like six and the invoices I'm scared and that's his you. Don't be scared, Jesus is here, Jesus got negotiated. I know that but right now I need someone with skin on their forgotten that I thought it's so true for us as well. We don't need anybody else but Jesus, he's all we need.

He's our sufficiency. Yet he's made us and so such a way.

We need humans we need and something it is moms how to moms together that loneliness to have other moms in your life to help support you when you're going with me those of the shadow of the Valley. You know when you're raising little toddlers, especially boys or girls is just like it's exhausting but you need another mom how do you do that and I was thinking about just that Buckeye talk about my boys like to come and start their day in my presence and on the best days I am.

They are open with my Bible already reading and they come down now that doesn't happen every day but they'll when that happens will squish in beside me and pull out their little Bible or pull out a book and just sit next to me and just be in my presence, and what I found as those days are always the better days we start together in God's presence and that's why remaining is so important that abiding really means remaining. Starting with God remaining with him throughout the day, but then God made us relational people and we we been given friends.

We been given the local church.

So often we want to go to Instagram for relationship you want to go to social media for relationship and those relationships are not enough, they cannot know our whole selves but women who are in our lives do in real life with a scan when were willing to pull back the veneer and say hey I don't feel like a good mom today because I did this and moms tend to hide in our shame when we feel shame we pull away from others and I remember making myself make calls when I felt like every other moms better than I am and if I tell them the way and acting, or even what's in my heart like I'm so angry or lonely sometimes I'm afraid I'll be judge and so sometimes to be the first one to say it will open this door of other women saying need to do and there's something really special and healing about having people open up about what their facing and then praying I think the right kind of friend Dave is really important. When I would call a friend and she would say I know your husband is an idiot not be the threat you have friends that could have been a family member.

I was good. Say there's kind of two steps. There's one being the willing to be the first person to be vulnerable yeah but then ensure that you are being vulnerable with the kind of friend is going to give you the gospel, exactly, and so the world is full of all kinds of things to put our help and like we can put our hope in the next girls night out over the next vacation or don't. One of the main ones moms ears like don't worry it's just a season and that is a little hope that is not enough to support all the hope that we need for motherhood and so eating a friend who you know is can I say I see that I see how that was really hard but you know I also see that Jesus is here with you, and he knows what it's like when your kids are just they not listen to anything you say better than Jesus ago that I mean it's like prone to wander and so when your kids are refusing to listen you a friend who says you know what I think God's experience at two.

Let's pray together that will try to get it right.

Remember let's remember together what got aside about that was easy as a guide to think women never struggle with the loneliness because you're so good relationships but you know you watch women relate to one another and it's like wow they have real friendships. We men have to initiate and struggle there but you really do need other women and if it's true, how do you do it as a mom who's overwhelmed with her schedule. How do you find time to spend some time with women. So I think there are few ways like one of the best ways to spend time with other women is to join your church, Bible study, praise the Lord for church childcare right so he struggled with doing that as young lungs. I biblically know the kids can have a hard day and I know that it's not – I messed up in all this stuff, but you have to say like actually know that even more than I need an easy afternoon.

That day I need to be opening God's word with other women. I think the great thing about Bible study, especially if you can be involved in an intergenerational Bible study is it opens your eyes to circumstances other women who are in different ages and stages of life in their circumstances because when you become when your mom can be so insulated like nobody else has. It is hard. This is the impossible task that I have been given today to do all of this laundry, you know, really hard, but there are other really hard things to and their other women who will come alongside of you who might be in a simpler stage of life and say how can I help you do that like let's do that together. I voice say have a woman in front of you. That's ahead of you in their life stage had a woman beside you. That's right alongside that you can say oh I know what happened to me today and I think it's really good to have someone behind you that sin like just maybe she just had the baby or she just got married because maybe you weren't perfect in that stage, but you've learned so much talk to so many older women whose kids are gone that feel like I have nothing for my kids are gone. I feel like my life is kind of the meaning of it doesn't have as much significance saying you are in the peak in prime of pouring into younger women and when they say, but I've been divorced or have kids that have rebelled Mike and haven't you learned a lot from that because Satan says to us your disqualified and God says no. I will use all of your pain for someone else's gain. If you'll let me and let me heal some of those things can. We need the whole body of crying and then we are all unfinished yes and I just I hear so much in ministry. They work with women going like I want a mentor. How do I get a mentor and so if you are an older woman who is thinking.

I don't know I don't have anything to offer. There is a whole generation of women who are just recognizing the shallowness of getting mentoring on the Internet and their starting say I want someone to talk to about my real life, and if you would just say you like what you want to meet everyone's well that woman's computer but how can we do that yes me in some ways you read through your book. It's like these stressful standards. Most summer lies. You know there are things that we hear you her as a mom from the culture from the world. When you look at her like this is true, but when you connect with other women. That's what they can do they can speak what you're doing in your book you say this is alive years.

It is a myth. Here's the truth or just surround yourself something for guys, there's no difference. I am for couples to say I need people my life that remind me what's true combined into a lie again.

I really realize it. I said hello and they look a minute ago is untrue. That's all discipleship and yeah yeah or if there's a hard question like, let's find it in the Bible together like you to be able to come up with the chapter and verse off the top of your head.

Let's look together and I think what we can do is women is I've heard so many women say to me. I'm sure you don't have time, you know, and so I think they assume in their head like nobody would want to meet with me if somebody heard how I was struggling. They would think I'm disqualified and he would say. Do not listen to those lies. Because if Satan has a plan for your life, it's that you remain isolated. You live in shame and got a single step out this year I've been going through my one year Bible and every time it says and they cried out to the Lord you at the next sentences and he heard their cry. I would just say to you women to you moms like every single time you cry out God hears you. So pray for a mentor.

Pray for a friend. Pray for your kids because God hears you, and then if you have that urge like if somebody comes to your mind like love to meet with her. Why not call and if she doesn't work then call someone else but keep moving and keep finding those people that can pour into you. Here's a simple way to do that. Pick up Maggie's book yeah call another mom or two in sales go through this together. Who knows where that would lead to your October mom stuff and you may end up with a really good friend that helps you through this journey. Asthma is lighted that idea.

There is a season where you know that early-season mother had and came out and that's exactly what I did. I just said I'm lonely and I just prayed for a friend and you what God gave me 33 very clear answers to prayer. One was a woman I never met who had recently moved to Minnesota has become one of my best friends. I saw her Bible study knows like I like your Bible kind of a Christian pick up line and we start talking and just instantly became friends and then one was a dear sister-in-law that I've always been friends with that. We just grew closer again and then one was a friend across the Internet.

We start timeout writing and we've just been talking about writing ever since and everything in life. So God does answer that prayer. He wants us to be in fellowship find yourself struggling all that is involved in motherhood may be one of the issues is your isolated you don't help the help and the support you need from other moms you don't have other women you can lean on who will tell you I'm struggling with up to. Or here's something I've found that works there being a mom was never designed to be done in isolation. We need one another in this journey. This is something that Maggie Combs addresses in her book motherhood without all the rules.

It's a great book to help free you up from some of the preconceptions you might have about what it means to be a good mom. The subtitle of the book is trading stressful standards for gospel truths we will make this book available to you this week if you can help support the ministry of family life today with a donation.

This would be a great book to give us a gift to a young mom, you know, or to a readthrough with a group of other moms and maybe begin to cultivate some of those friendships that Maggie was talking about get your copy of motherhood without all the rules when you make a donation today to help support the outreach that is family life today. Each day there are hundreds of thousands of husbands and wives, moms and dads who are connecting with us looking for practical local help and hope for their marriage. You make this daily encouragement and equipping possible for them. When you support this ministry you could do that easily. On one family life today.com or you can call to donate one 800 FL today again when you do ask for your copy of the book motherhood without all the rules by Maggie Combs donate online@familylifetoday.com or call 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today, not tomorrow. All of us have heard on an airplane when they say if the oxygen mask drops down, put your mask on first and then put your child's mascot is that how it works with your mom, you take care of yourself first before you take care of the kids, David and Wilson will talk with Maggie Combs about the priority of self-care and how that fits into being a mom on tomorrow's program hope to be with us for that on behalf of our hosts David and Wilson on Bob Lapine will see you back next time for another edition of family life today. Family life today is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most