Kids and Addiction to Social Media

The whole world changed in 2007 January 2007, a guy wearing jeans and sneakers walked on the stage and he made an announcement to change the world talk about Steve Jobs and he said today's the day we reinvent the phone and on that January 2007 date. He introduced this device that also in pre-that dates everything was okay. I've got an entertainment device. I've got a game console.

I got social media plugged into a wall and then I've got my phone daylight for devices and also now was one device and it's in their back pocket.

By 2012 in just five years America cross at 50% mark. And now the majority of young people had social media in their pocket and it just change communication change entertainment change everything. And parenting also include a lot more difficult, as were trying to navigate this world of okay what's healthy with us.

So how can I become screen wise when the best thing to do is not just about a bunch of rules but to connect with them and talk with them and engage them in meaningful conversation about these issues so that they someday can make these decisions on their own family life today where we want to help you pursue relationships that matter most and Wilson and I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us if it we live today.com or on our family life app family life today. One of the things we talked about many times is how overwhelmed we were when we had kids you know like no sleep, just craziness. And yet just last week were talking about would be like to be a parent today. He talked about over well. We talked to so many parents that are overwhelmed and are looking for answers on how do I manage the screen time thing. How do I manage phones. How do I manage. Gaining so many parents feel overwhelmed with the task and they don't know where to turn it I think Lenore overwhelmed. There's a Tennessee user to give up or hyper control yeah and we don't both. I think ought to my default is been just wrote my hands and give up and yours is sell yeah I going to rule most likely never doing this again where I think parents do waiver one way or the other.

I talked to so many parents, especially, I know I'm thinking of a family with seven kids and they're all in that little overwhelmed era all their kids are wanting phones there trying to manage that and they feel like I can't even imagine a kid anymore, so I hope they're managing and that's their answer every parents like us are like somebody please help us get Jonathan McKee back with us today whose you really devoted your life to helping parents helping kids understand the digital world we live in. The first of all, say welcome back to family life in Orlando, Florida tell us this. Why did you get into this area will I been in youth ministry for like 30 years and working with young people. This was one of those areas of young people always love entertainment media always love communicating with each other and Manteo from when I first start working youth mistreat with pagers, you know, you get paid for my friend Kaiser following page.

I need to use your phone, you know they put the green pager. See look the put my well one of these is important.

I got a call to call you with some girl and then the cell phones came out was open first came out.

The first was it wasn't texting was is all talking so they would sit there and you know they had the cell phone that they could talk with each other, and those who did of the cell phone neglect about your cell phone so I can return this page but also in texting him out.

Oh my goodness, and arm of the parenting world. Then at that time. I'm working with teenagers and parents are coming or going. Jonathan when I do my kid just did 4000 techs last month and I got this bill for this before.

That was our air for like they had mastered the whole free texting and all the birds were freaking out at me while kids are like downloading on their little MP3 players, you know songs and dirt downloading inappropriate stuff it's appears because you come to me with these questions.

What should be down to which they not download using understand this little more stuff so I just kinda start teaching salaries.

My kids also through and I was going through the same stuff you know failing miserably. So usually my seminars are like.

Here's seven things not done will guarantee your kids will be messed up you and not just kinda grew to become always researching I take it the whole world changed in 2007 January 2007, a guy wearing jeans and sneakers walked on the stage and he made an announcement to change the world talk about Steve Jobs and he said today's the day we reinvent the phone and on that January 2007 date. He introduced this device that also in pre-that dates everything was okay.

I've got an entertainment device. I've got a game console. I got social media plugged into a wall and then I've got my phone daylight for devices and also now was one device and it's in their back pocket. By 2012 in just five years America cross at 50% mark. And now the majority of young people had social media in their pocket and it just change communication change entertainment change everything and parenting also include a lot more difficult because now were managing what mentors they have in their back pocket because mom, dad, you know I love being coached every morning by Carty be you don't like wow you know how to navigate that you just say no you can't have that device in your back pocket in your bedroom at night. And these are the questions of parenting today so I'm just kinda help as best I can say here's what research is showing here's a lot of parents are saying works and I consciously want to put tools in parents hands that create conversation. That's really what were talking about today is as were trying to navigate this world of okay what's healthy with the so how can I become screen wise when the best thing to do is not just a bunch of rules but to connect with them and talk with them and engage them in meaningful conversation about these issues so that they someday can make these decisions on their own.

Well, a lot of people probably want to ask you directly, so they can go to become a screen wise.com and her direct message you there. But let's talk about two of your books.

It came out the last couple years of parenting generation screen that's usually listed naturally for parents and then a teen's guide to face-to-face connections in a screen to screen world. Great title, by the way, you know how when you have really your daughter yeah and I wrote that with Alyssa and you get three kids, but okay so you know her hand in this device to a child with really very little mentoring just like okay here you go, and not understanding nobody stillness you know you just handed to your son or daughter. It's as a potential for amazing good right there's all kinds a good but evil and you even talk about the creepy dude sit in his basement that may be reaching out to your kids. Talk about some of those dangerous because we don't understand is apparent what were Hannah, I think it is a perfect storm as were seeing all kinds of variables that we've never seen before that the first is were seen that never have this many screens and social media been in our kids back pockets so it's right there with them all the time. It's at school it's at home it's in the bathroom.

It's in a field. It doesn't matter, they've got it with them. So they've got social media right in their back pocket. In addition to that self-esteem has never been so low where's that come from wire their self-esteem so bad right now is happening such a great segue to talk about the effect of social media is having on young people. I mean it is across the charts right now.

Crazy how I meet anxieties an all time high depressions at an all-time high of suicide. More than ever before.

Live-amazing use in your book that there's a correlation between 2012 right and was social media and our phones well this is gonna yes wheezing suicides by greasing awesome effect just before Cove. It one in five adolescent girls express a major depressive episode at some point during 2018 that was in 84% increase during the past decade.

I mean, that's no small number so that we were scratching their heads about that. There's some experts are saying hey watch screen time you watch a screen time having to screening a bucket, and are so much debate that I got a throw respect out there for two researchers, Dr. Jean twinge and Dr. Jonathan hate the two of them were like okay obviously her so much research out there about screens and screen time, but let's find out what we all agree on.

This is fascinating if you're in research world, especially this is very fascinating because basically, in short, you got all kinds of parents going hey I need to start watching how much time I kids are video gaming right my daughter's spending so much time watching Netflix that she's watching entire seasons of shows in one day.

These two researchers said let's see, is it affecting us and that the question asked and basically said what we agree on. And this is fastening the researchers came up with two things that absolutely agree on the first thing they agree on was hands down.

We are not unprecedented mental health crisis right now. It's worse than it's ever been before. That's one thing we all agreed on yellow and whether things they could agree on little with the Y will guess what the second thing they agreed on was this if you look at all of screen time and try to cast some blame.

The evidence is really one week and inconsistent. But if you narrowed the study down to just social media, especially young girls.

The data is consistent and very conclusive that the amount of social media time someone spends affects their mental health. Big time when we talk about a child's self-esteem and a child with poor self-esteem is more vulnerable to a predator that look like cat walk us through some of the things we need to hear. Whereas this is one of things where you just a snapshot of some of these things because it is a perfect storm of opportunity for predators right now. Got more phones and kids pockets never been feeling so low about themselves and the one other element we gotta talk about is the fact that right now. 8/10 young people want to be some sort of social media influencer 800-1080 1079 to 86% want to be in influencer in some sort. They want to be in Insta celeb they want to have a YouTube channel. They want to have an Instagram account where they show other people how to put on makeup. These are some of the common things. 8/10. And it's funny I talked to my friend Julie she's a teacher for third graders and she says Jonathan when I read that number. I have no argument whatsoever. She goes in third grade we used to do this thing called star of the week where we highlight a kid for the weekend. They have a poster with pictures of their family and their dog and they kinda come in and you bring your dog and for show and tell. They say what they want to be when they grow up. She is funny before him whenever it was what you want to be when he grew up. As always, like I want to be nurse. I want to be a policeman. I will be a dolphin trainer you all these fun the other yeah and she says now hands down. 8/10 young people. I want to be a YouTube or in third grade, third grade, so were starting to see a lot of this not not that it's happening because of this, go back to this perfect storm is that is changing the way young people navigate social media because now they need more followers they need more like they need more followers so they're being very carefree about who's following them because being influencer is all about having as many followers as possible. So think about is you got kids walk around with a device in your pocket feeling bad about themselves letting anybody follow them because I got have more followers predators are left in this world. Predators are loving it. Because kids are trying so hard to gain friends and posting everything about themselves and predators don't have to be in their proverbial white van anymore parked by the playground. They just sit at home and just look in the they've got everything you wanted screens and this is one of those realities. It's affecting. I was stuck with these youth workers about this, they were saying you and Jonathan. This is become such an issue that we go on trips with young people now like forcing hotels with have a chaperone in every room and we had chaperone sleep by the doors kids kids are trying to sneak out at night to meet summary they just met in that city. A stranger so this is one of those times were piercing to ask themselves, am I equipping my kids to recognize predatory behavior and when you do talk about this stuff and that's why in something like this teens guide to face-to-face connections in the screen screen world. We spent a chapter were my daughter and I laid out here.

Some predatory behavior be on the lookout for this because we need to talk to kids about the stuff we need to engage them in these important conversation Audience predator behavior.

If you got young people are feeling bad about themselves. One of the simple things to tell young people look out for is for people giving excessive compliments and offering gifts in this not do something to get these people were like wow you know of sorry or strongly parents like that I did to you. I tell you I feel just like you and you know I don't know why they wouldn't trust you your so great you're so you almost watch out for those excessive complement of course you can be drawn to that.

Yeah, you know predators with the obvious one is trying to find out little facts about your personal information is school you go to and exactly what neighborhood you live van and stuff which, sadly, most writers don't even need SSF because it's right there on their posts. Our kids are posting a lot of stuff predators sometimes make these promises of exciting neo-stress free life custom tailored to that person.

It's amazing how in my printing generation screen book a dual chapter predators and I told stories that I hear sadly at the end of my parent workshops apparel company like case only to my daughter she was talking this guy all night long yell, nixing a know she's going to meet this guy. Come to find out.

He said he was a high school kid. He was not a high school kid. I hear the stories all the time.

Tonight it happens so frequently you'd be shocked me to have most your your police departments have entire divisions just focused on this and they'll come in, though, grabbed the phone and they'll sit there in (Ozzie yeah will try to catch them will keep posing like were your daughter and will try to lure them out, but very rarely disguises you work in 15 conversations at once socially scary when you see this, but that's why just kinda lay out some of these precautions, look for and by the way, this is a just and social media.

For those of us who have young kids like gaming a lot of games are online games where there's other people in the room and I do friend who smells playing a game and with my nephew and as were gaming this one guy is just kind of making these kind of sexual comments and he starts, asking the boys. These questions stuff and he the uncle of this goes hey man, how old are you and the guy Pierce gone just like that and literally. There's guys out there doing some of these behaviors we need to talk to her kids and help them become aware of some of his behaviors as we sit down with our kids and when I came want to talk about this. I he now is there a way talk about the precautions that will then take that's what was I not trying to give a shameless plug to my Dean's guidebook, but the whole reason I wrote this book is I wanted to put in the hands of parents, something that they cannot distort their kids and say read this, but something that would actually start dialogue about this important topic. So when they read a chapter like that the best thing a parent can do is say hey read this chapter, writers, and let's go to breakfast next week. Let's talk what I put discussion questions at the end of the chapter so that the parent can ask you, not just in her lecturing. Besides, most parents like I've no idea what to say no when they go to Google or some solar put a tool in their hands so they can dialogue with their kids dad is as I read it, you know you do such a good job helping parents connect dialogue have a conversation.

But at the same time. This can be some rules and you even just mention yell woman. Her mama come up after a parent seminar and say you know I found my daughters talking all night okay so talk about the phone all night is at one of those rules is apparent you just laid on the lime and you have a conversation but you say you know and I cannot budge on this one.

You know it's funny, I was doing the interview once were some. He said okay. Jonathan if you can only have one rule today.

That gets one rule today don't think at all man really is no phone no nicer three yeah notice three will you know what, I'll keep it as simple.

I was say the one because steadily, hands down. The thing I said was no devices in the bedroom at bedtime and I say devices not just phones because guess what, there's a family iPad that you forgot there's that old iTouch that they had that you forgot they had, they can still download apps on how social me out so you kind of as a parent need to be shrewd and remember to let Kate no devices in the betterment and maybe remember some of those old devices because that's one of those things where I find most those questions I get from parents after parent workshop have that common denominator of okay. My daughter was on social media all night my kid was gaming all night.

Almost every bullying story.

The parent will be like in my kid is hearing these onslaughts in these insults all night long and it affected his sleep and his studies.

The next day and everything and sometimes I would actually hear about say so. My 12-year-old was hearing these onslaughts on social media all night long and right there went three things right there. 12-year-old Kate. They gave their 12-year-old, a smart phone when last show what we talk about we talk what what age. Most experts are saying wait to give your kid a phone high school freshman year of high school so waiting on age is a huge sink and on social me at bed. The lie about their age to be on social media can be on social media to your age 13. Because of the FTC's Child online privacy protection act, which says that Instagram tick-tock name it twitter any of these. They're not allowed to collect data from anyone under 13. So you got 11 €12 lying about their age to being on social media and then they have this device in their bedroom all night long. That's three things right there that parents could wait a little bit to get their kid that device. Don't let them on social media until late don't have to lie about their age about it. So 13 or up and then hey guess what working to provide a free service for you as mom and dad working to charge your phone for you at night. Where do you find that door and there is no fee for this work is to do that every night for you and give you a fresh little device in the morning here you go and you put in your master closet.

You might even want to put that right next to your bedside and then take a light bulb and crush it on the floor so I mean they love their devices. We got to talk with them about the stuff in some of these rules can be very helpful. That how do you talk, as I'm thinking there's a parent out there thinking okay first of all my sons.

12 my daughters 11. I gave him a phone. Now I gotta take it away or appearance thinking. I have tried to say no. I can't win this argument because all their friends have it highly put down the foot and say you have a phone and I cannot phone your room at night. Either you I think one of the best things you do in that moment is not try to answer that question in the moment. As for me I emerges you you think I got this and I'll tell my wife that I got this puzzle just told her I meant to just say the first thing my mind really thinking and praying about it and it's one of things I really talk about throughout the book is trying to come to delay and by delay don't mean like never answer, but sit there and say you own research is to pray about this on the think about this so that connection before correction really is. Hey, tell me what you feel about one of the pressures you're feeling. Let's think about this. Let's pray about this read about this and let's make a decision and not some of things I do in parenting generation screen as I say talk about it. I say and then delay it for this meeting. You have later and then at the end of the book. I actually them.

Chapter talking about this pizza meeting.

This meeting we go out for pizza and you say okay we talked about this, we prayed about this. We thought about this is rules and having you layout those rules but it starts with those conversations were we listen to them. We heard what they said, we empathize with them because those conversations are the things I remember more than any rule we've ever given them those conversations of the things I remember when they're in that college dorm. Someday and they're making that decision for themselves. Yet at the end of the day. As a parent we better realize our know is further best, just like God's note to us. We don't always understand what we know now we can trust him because he wants the best for social ruin is apparent. And so we have to say no. Sometimes you have undoubtedly heard it said with great power comes great responsibility and what we have to recognize his parents is that when our kids have access to a screen and to the Internet. They have access to great power.

The question is can we help them be ready for that. Can we help them at a young age know how to navigate that power how to exercise responsibility and this takes coaching and mentoring from us as parents and honestly, most of us need help because we didn't get screens handed to us when we became teenagers, they didn't exist back in the day. That's why I think a book like the one Jonathan McKee has written can be so helpful for us as parents. It's called parenting generation screen guiding your kids to be wise in the digital world that we want to make this book available to you this week if you can help the ministry of family life today with the donation.

The book is our way of saying thank you for your partnership with us. I heard this week from somebody who wrote to us and said I started listening to family life today when I was a teenager. Now, I am a mother of six, so it's been a few years right but she said you helped me all along the way no how to think biblically about marriage and parenting and she was thanking us for that.

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Be sure to ask for your copy of parenting generation screen by Jonathan McKee and were happy to send it out to you tomorrow. Working to hear from Jonathan McKee about some of the ways in which the online world. The digital universe is having its impact on our children's self-confidence or self-esteem. Their sense of identity. This is a significant issue in his parents we need to be alert to it so we can help our kids walk through this minefield will hear more about that tomorrow. Hope you can join us on behalf of our host statement and Wilson on Bob Lapine see you back next time for another edition of family life today. Family life today is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most