Family: Our Views and Values

We want our kids to know their grandparents in a really compelling way in a really intimate way. We want the grandparents to be on the seat of wisdom for what you want them to be constantly around counseling of the head of the table, constantly showing wisdom, sleeping stories, welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson and Dave Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com or on our family life and family life today so you think about the family.

I grew up in. Okay what you think. With the first dysfunction you're feeling two alcoholic parents badly. Seven. Abuse family what you think. Oh great people find that's what I think of that.

I always thought perfect all lived there your family in our little town of Findlay, Ohio. The listener from Findlay users are that like you to the families all you heard that was my baseball coach. Her brother was. I was a quarterback. He was my center. While my other brother was his coach to while so I knew the barons really well and they were known in our town like sort of perfect family. But then I got in that like every families sort of best including even the one we didn't have any faith in our family growing in our family isn't the only family needs help. Every family will absolutely.

I mean it's why we exist available at today is to bring help and hope to your family and I tell you what. As we come to year-end, we need your help to help our family help your family get out with joining us as a prayer partner, but especially even now as a financial partner as you make a donation to family life is part of your year and giving it will impact not only your family but other families that you love and care about and I think the thing I love about this to you because like some woman I'm a shopper and when yes she is. If you're able to help us with that year-end donation. We would love to send you a thank you gift not only one but two, and one of them is this cool new devotional. I wish you could see the book because it's beautiful. It's green like a man would let that a woman would love it by Dean Orton.

It's titled in the Lord. I take refuge, and it's a daily devotional that goes through the Psalms, but along with that you get the playing cards which are conversation starters play cards and have conversation yet actually deck of cards and has questions on it is this super fun because it will open up conversations around the table.

I can see excited you're getting this crazy so no longer apply garter to get a have more dogs.

Anyway, those are gifts that we are to send to you as you give a gift to family life and you can do that right now. If you'd like a family life today.com or you can call us at one 800 FL today middleman we would value your partnership with us to take this ministry into more homes like yours and work were grateful for you, considering us prayerfully and financially to join us. So speaking to family. We get Jefferson Becky with this today. Welcome to family life Jefferson excited to be back together to talk about how young abuse.

Yes, last year was a blast, so it's want to be here for last year was on a cruise ship yet you know what you think about that if we would've taken that cruise a week or two later, we might still be in the we got home just in time but you thought a lot about family and I just read your book back your family. The subtitle from the tyrants of burnout, dizziness, individualism and the nuclear IDU title right you have us all my life on the resumes of the subtitle the other day there like bait and switch.

But it's a little bit of like tracking a young truck and I am checking nuclear ideal hot dog paws on that one. That's the fun part of the book as I do I dive into that you will excited for and I do remember when we were on a cruise. You talk about a book about Sabbath rest you know if you remember a medicament like yours a fastest talk energy – I mean we well rested state will read your quote about family tell me if you think you notice this first one from a famous actor who's been around for several decades. Maybe we'll know there's wanting give you hints but he said family is not an important thing. It's everything cool famous actor give you initials and JF talk about him go back to future so that part of the bottles back to future like I'm obsessed I this is a bill you got the poster of the Lego got the little figurines that's actually the DeLorean. So if your books were getting a DeLorean, you know, he felt that no interesting note is sustained that you notes not in hardship being great crazy okay she's famous. She's no longer lies fun across the pond. She is family is the most important. There you go to one of these people are saying this when their family. So there's a bunch here but here's the last one famous coach K right and he said the most important thing in jungle world is family and love John will so I don't go out and John went up together right yes but that's why I like one of the best coaches remarkable older you knew you, but so John wooden what is a classic window because yeah he's such as you know, the book is going like sports analogies to just such a brilliant coach usually like us, you know know you want to hear some Desi you can hold this against me, the worst were some gamers buddy who had a little bit of money and he calls me up one day and says hey I'm jet over 03 hours away were jumping on the judges you, me and one other guy to go see John wooden and LA all got a private audience with John with Mike when he goes tomorrow, John thousand person's 10 ships is no way that you get me and what does my wife say, I say you can't miss this sign we are gone all the time for his birthday. 16 like you can't miss it. Weakness number three this is not go there for Cody's birthday. He doesn't remember to this yes John wooden dies.

A week later, mom.

How could you about our family dysfunction said I meet a lot of people know you because we we stumbled across you old you were when Jesus owes you 22 or something you yes so first we saw the video on the line and then you wrote the book you your ties, best-selling author, you've written several different things, but we should say this married marriage was in nine years, three kids, Kinsley was in the room behind me.

Seven middle kid cannon his five Lucy was her youngest age to a dog mouse into Narnia fans saw why live on Maui.

Been there about seven years, but from, Seattle school really go will talk about take back your family because I've read it. We read and are really excited about it but I it's more than just take back there's a passion yeah you carry about this whole family talk about this. Yes, I was on the first chapter where essentially you know, our families, story got captured by another family story you mean about 10 years ago, nine years ago. Now Melissa would make searches. We were in Jerusalem and we are visiting some friends of ours their family from Cincinnati, but there's putting time for business reasons in Jerusalem and since I because the business he ran and they were starting to unfold themselves or they had been the last 10 years open to that moment fully insulting to a lot of these traditions that you know would be traditionally Jewish but you know through some conversations in the relationship so they that essentially were convinced that you were Christian evangelical.

We love the Lord, but he was a Jewish guy. Let's just pay attention to some of these things are going on. You mean about your calls himself the wild olive shoot branch a mutual agreement says like you were the while cousin were so you don't have to adopt it all. It's not a law but we get to be crazy and grab some and leave some. I just noticed because of that their family was just radically different, just, and how they love each other how they serve each other. You have teenagers that are just you mean like for the Lord honoring and respecting them staying in on Friday night going to be with the family about this idea, Sabbath, and that in the first chapter of this being a traditional Shabbat dinner with this family three generations.

Storytelling announces struck like this is weird. First of all, it wasn't really that magical yet like this is weird. Then it was like wow this is also deeply compelling like something here feels right.

Feels kind of interesting. Through the chain of events, start pulling back the curtain on my just asking him why Emerson K white while you do. Families are different. Weird, he just was like to push back is that we don't family different.

We are like the Western American culture. The family different where you get before 1850. Outside of the West and also every family a couple times been doing a lot of these things are all multigenerational they all cannot center economic activity in the home or at least in the home pushing been out of the home, but if you were to go into the DeLorean back to future reference. 200 years you were to just ask someone what like give me your picture of an ideal family or just to sit with what comes up in your mind, most people immediately back then probably think of 23 people 25 people you got three generations, you got next door you got the Anthony uncle you probably have four or five employees that are kind of circling around… Home as well in regards to practicing and surveying in all these are types of things not yet some affiliates today we sit for people. Mom doubt to you know born a girl maybe a dog and a white picket fence is radically different visions of family that's left, essentially, that premise, I start with, and that all, then I can't just do my style of book writing off measures like why, what, when, where, no research and support that we actually wrote a book called vertical marriage and so we did a vertical marriage tour of the holy lands on total 25+ while playing bus and we did what you just said the Shabbat dinner in our families, describing is never seen the itinerary though I don't go to the sites and this is what most people leave without being one of the most meaningful moments exactly as we watched any hearing a lot because the father is planting the children there laying their hands on even verbally affirming your wife the Proverbs 31 woman incredible.

I came home I told you we need to share the meal.

Only people that I'm happy yes so powerful because there is connection. There was story is blessing the kids were heard it was beautiful a lot about why we did it once. Yeah will was a lot of family present at something that I mean when you said in that home there was almost this aroma you like why am I resonating with what's happening here.

You need to re-create that and you the early parts of your book you so here's what happened. Yeah jury that the families yeah will firstly about to yell like that point you brought up which is really true with most families when they start getting into wanting to implement wisdom for their own family based on a breakdown or something matches your compelling this all they want to implement. We tend to bite off more than we can chew right into the shop and on the deep end rather than just slowly building a house, but I think that what that does is that shows a kind of on is a smoke signal of our own vision family again. If God's vision for family is a 500 year multigenerational project with your last name and your kids kids kids kids kids like Deuteronomy said that is what you can chill out and gotten time to implement the Western mind that's linear in time right where if you miss a moment. There's no going back more than you can always feel this pressure and also stop doing something.

The minute you miss it. That's what it actually comes on your philosophy of time and that's a weird way to put it but it's kind of on this part on the cruise last year but it's hard to save on audio only, will try to discover there's three, visions of time writers each envision a time. The Western region time. The biblical vision of time Eastern picture of time is essentially just a circle where time is meaningless. Meaning it's not going anywhere.

It's not pushing anywhere just goes in the same so we get the reincarnation right just like life is meaningless your cog in the wheel that's really us right Western Westerners are timed Westerners. At times the opposite work a straight line so it's like there's a beginning, middle and end. There's no rhythm. There's no cadence but is also no going back.

There is no season there's no there's no nothing. Just like a rocketship like just like shooting onto you.we also live our lives based on bucket list because when you believe time straight line and you need to start putting those things in there to check them off American yeah we you know all this is the air we breathe right and even if you want the Psalm so you can become what you worship at some of our rights. We I do think we worship the time in the West, and so it's not a quick since our hearts for like kind of the stopwatch right just like clicking and taking in the anxiety and all that but the biblical view time is a little bit of a blend between the two, but also neither of the two were to spiral, pointed forward to a spiral, goes forward and comes back goes for the comes back, but it's also progressing so that vision of time leads to what I call kind of progressive being that you start to actually form an identity and renew your self around a certain practice, so I thought about the book where you know living in what we call seven-day rhythms is is actually probably the biggest superpower family can do is believing that God gave you seven days if you come to perfect that you protect seven days you perfect life essentially not trying to be perfect, but you mean when you become a steward seven days and you can steward an entire life. It was all the tenants there. Without that was on the thought of that is that when you start there than you, you lose the pressure. Oh, I get to go for the come back again try get go for the come back again right and it's about more about compound interest essentially becomes a metaphor for you said your friend that was talking, you have in Israel said will you peel back the curtain you start to understand what's happened to the family of cells about what is yeah so I alluded to earlier, but yeah there's a lot of jumps that I would say the that the West is taken that the couple that I hi like there's more than these, obviously, would the Industrial Revolution was a pretty significant one right so the older industrial revolutions that or talk about what you say. Like late 1700s. You know mid 1800s. Around that time and I'll be happy to about 1900 when, like the assembly line and Henry Ford and stuff like that but that 100 or so years. We realize the implications of that had in the sense of okay work before that was very agrarian. Not not necessarily agricultural but it was very trade based was very apprentice based families, had their own business as you are a blacksmith family a breadmaking family. Whatever, essentially, because the scale of production and warehouses and the industrial revolution. We then started needing to produce more so than we did that by pulling all the fathers out of the home and sticking them in a warehouse is a okay if you go here that we can get to the scale, the sufficiency in all the things we like, but we don't realize that did is that didn't just take the father's presence out did two things took the father's presence out of the home and kind of broke that dance that was happening in the home. You know he's gone most of the day before signs are the director working on TV back at you like that was working but there was like a symbiotic, dancing relationship that's also two. By the way, why a lot of us feel like children. What the minute you someone in the West is having another kid like all you find that you're pregnant you beautiful anxiety about 200 years ago. They really celebrated because to us.

It's a drain to us. It's like because were consumption-based world because of the Industrial Revolution will make more money you got any more money now to feed that mouth in 200 years ago they celebrated because with another employee average 10 kids because they to them they needed those workers that we can even set of problems with her, but it's a different model different model went to, you know, we see kids as consumers, sucking the life and money and resources out of us rather than to the biblical model is more kids is actually contributors to the team like that God is actually gifting you with certain personalities and wirings and filling gaps in your team by giving you the gift of children that you want to try to study and pay attention to and inflame so you can go on God's mission. Yes, I also talk about you get in Industrial Revolution. You get one years chapter tires was like what Sears into the family you had about my favorite chapter shall love because I love you like research all the random stuff you know and so that one was the quick version is essentially Sears what Laura realizes what Sears is like the Amazon before the Amazon rights 100 years ago the Sears Roebuck catalog was like massive like wait a couple pounds right and then we had one your parents and together were around for a long time honestly but I'm around the turn-of-the-century Mexico ceramic 1920 1930 they started to do these mail order home kits were you can actually literally like fill out in the catalog that you wanted this home from the picture in a train car would show up with like a wax seal on it that you would break it open and it would just be a complete DIY house with instructions. The exact count of nails that you need the exact yellow two by fours you need it like IKEA home yes exactly, except was also crazy as these homes are actually a really good material really well-made. Which is crazy shows like the car the average craftsmanship of perspective is crazy yeah and so but working on the book though. What's important is you know when you dig into, Sears reasons for doing those they basically were wanting to build their business and they were seeing that families of multi-generationally and so mote will mostly happen to someone to get married and they were, like build on like a little apartment on the back of the home writers Mike and Mike McGuckin was a triplex back them and Sears was like basically had a lightbulb moment like a we can create more customers. If we just kind of start advertising in convincing people that they need to like have their own home, so they were actually one of the early people to come to have that mantra of like when you get married, it's the ideal of success to have your own home to get a mortgage. All these are types of things right and I just like the subtle implications that we no longer live up multigenerationally right now that Sears is the only one to blame.

But there actually a massive part of the cultural shift wasn't just because we think.

Oh like to me I just say like think about that like it's all because it was a really good reason we don't we don't not live generationally anymore because like oh it's not you know we want to privacy or whatever can citizens now. Realistically, we just were consumers that advertise really well in the notice, like down the river. You know, I would say most of us have never heard yeah I like lately when a line chart will even clean. So should we be living with her parents. The fun part about this book is part of them under a ministry called family teams that we been doing for the last couple years with our mentors.

We have a couple thousand people that you know in our membership program with Missouri things we get to come to see the like petri dish in the experiments of how people are living this out and so yeah so that's a common question is like Otis is just mean you know how we should live together.

I would say no. By the way, but what we say is you should hold the value of the word we use is integration.

So of course we can correct 1850. We can all be farmers all the different types of stuff right then cycle when the Wendell Berry says like your authors was like, we can no longer based. We are an industrialized society, but you can now bring an agrarian spirit to your living you can't farm you can bring the spirit of a farm to your work with that look like I think just like more rhythmic, more living with cadence.

Turn off your phone living in living in the seasons.

Whatever it is like farms operate on the context have to submit to seasons, but we don't because we have electricity in this and jot you and I mean soap.

There's like think about, almost like a metaphor that helps put you in a certain season but he also didn't answer the question I would say dancers is generally noble. We have seen people experiment with that and I go really well but Mike, you know, for example, our family like we just were making a bet on this and so we bought a 2 acre place.

You know where we live and remove them from our house and Melissa's parents are to move on live on the property, not in our house but I'm so I think there's a way to do it like a compound way that's really fun.

I seen another family that we know that actually loved is like not you know the parents and the two of the married kids can't really afford a home.

I think they're in a really sense of place like you don't seem to find out who suffer everyone, even the parents to get kind of what they wanted to them. They all three went in together and bought like a compound themselves, like, but there's something about it where you want to live together but you do need integrate the generations. We want our kids to know their grandparents in a really compelling way and a really intimate way. We want the grandparents to be on the seat of wisdom for our kids want them to be constantly around counseling at the head of the cable consulate, sharing wisdom, sleeping stories and when you do that that level of integration it's really easy and quick to see how powerful it is, how much it feels natural how much it feels like it should be to get that what I Read and over and over throughout your book. This theme of God's design. God's heart for the family and I'm quoting as a multigenerational family team on a ship that that's a big mouthful. Yes we we break on that phrase of like, you know, when you go back to Genesis.

There was a problem in Genesis right so God creates a garden of Eden by the local don't realize this but the rest the world.

It looked like Eden so there was the Garden of Eden.

But there still like all of it was clear that God was kind of making a prototype, here's a prototype of like bringing order out of chaos, but the rest of the world world was still untamed onion, it wasn't gardening and so there was kind of a job at a problem like how you make the rest of the world look like this right now course.console.anyway he wanted become just created more. He could've snapped his fingers.

Whatever he decided to create two humans which is fascinating to me right you don't even things that are for that if there was a problem that you were faced with that without your solution, mostly in the West, if that was our problem. We probably create a nonprofit Board of Directors. Probably you know Georgia venture capital maybe couldn't have known counsel or something God number one answer to the untamed world that needed order was to create an helpless female put them together and then save the jobs too big for you to send out a bunch of babies. Does this actual solution like and now go subdue rain rule. Multiply that to me is so fascinating and compelling to just that idea itself that yeah there's a ton of applications below that, but that that alone I think is kind of a starting point.

Yeah, I think you know you just laid a foundation for big conversation which is the beauty of what God's design was that, even when we started were quote Michael J Fox family. They were tapping into some modern you know if they understood their tapping into. That's at the heart of what God wanted family to be yes it's more than us being consumers. He wants us to literally allow Christ in us to impact others through us multigenerational. I would say that yearning like we all had that yes and it's God giving me also like to solve yeah I don't have a good start here today. I did you be in trouble because I sing it the first time I heard the blessing. Yes, when the voyage I teared up now. May your favor, be upon us and our family and our children and their children is a Scripture is necessary to know that I'm… Like that passage in my life you are coming out of a broken family to now trended change the whole legacy. It's amazing on interior not gone. That's the vision has for husbands and wives and families and our children. I think all of us at a visceral level understand the importance the significance the power of a family in our lives, especially at this time of year we think about family and just how significant it is and when we begin to get our arms around that and understand that we can begin to be more purposeful and intentional about strengthening and building into our own family.

That's what we're all about here at family life and that's what's at the heart of Jefferson Behnke's new book, take back your family. It's a book or recommending we have it in our family life today resource Center you can order it from us online or you can call one 800 FL today. If you're looking for a book that will help you refocus and reprioritize your family to put your family where it belongs.

By God's design. Get a copy of the book take back your family by Jefferson Behnke go to family life to a.com to order your copy or call one 800 FL today, 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today. You know, when we start to get our heads and hearts wrapped around God's grand design for marriage and for family we begin to see God's purposes more clearly. We begin to see where the power to change the world resides. It's not in a political office somewhere. It's not a corporate boardroom the power to change the world resides in your home in your marriage and your family at family life. Our mission is to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe godly marriages and families are the most significant element by God's design to change the world and we are so grateful for those of you who share that conviction with us and those of you who express your support for what we're doing through your financial gifts the month of December as we told you is a significant month for ministries like ours as much as 40% of the revenue we need to operate in the year ahead will come in during this month and we have a great opportunity here in December for family like today listeners to see your giving multiplied.

We've had some friends of the ministry who have gotten together and agreed that they will match every donation given in December, dollar for dollar up to a total of $1.5 million.

That's a steep hill for us to climb, but were asking family left it a listers will you be as generous as you can be knowing that whatever gift you give it's gonna be doubled. Because of this matching gift opportunity to say thank you for your gift would like to send you a copy of the new devotional from the book of Psalms by Dana Portland. He was a guest recently on family life to the his book is called in the Lord.

I take refuge, hundred and 50 devotions from Psalms's book is our thank you gift when you make a urine donation and allow that donation to be matched dollar for dollar.

So if you can go online@familylifeto.com today or call one 800 FL today make as generous a donation as possible and we just want to say thank you in advance for your ongoing support of this ministry. We appreciate and we hope you can join us again tomorrow when Jefferson Behnke will be here again to help us dig a little deeper into what God had in mind when he created the family in the first place on behalf of our hosts Dave M.

Wilson and Bob Lapine will see you back next time for another edition of family life today like today is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most