Building Family Priorities

I can get to give you a date and then inclined to give me words.

He felt attacked Alexander, and I don't like these games, Chicago, Illinois dropping Austin off a college go said tears dried excited, scary, scary looking in the rearview mirror and sin downtown Chicago. I what are we doing right now talking to family life today where we might help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com or on our family life. This is family life today so dropping Austin off a college launching our son into the future. I was feeling like how can we be at this point because it felt like when they were little, especially toddlers. Every day seemed like a million years now. I felt like were done and the question was, was it enough you feeling. I remember thinking all the older parents when we were young in our 30s and late 30s would say you're you're blinking there going to be graduating high thing that made me mad, like all my days are so long.

Every day feels like 10,000 hours and minutes and years, you fall into bed every night, exhausted and yelling at each other and the kids and if I like forever and they kept sending a blank in the God.

And then when you're dropping one of your sons or daughters for college.

It's like the right yeah anything or let time go visit enough.

Did I do enough to do the right things. I like where were going today because in this message that you give at our church. You get into what it means to be a family in the first part of this. You talked about honoring you talk about family and God's family and what that looks like and now today were going to get into some more practical things. I think one of the things we had to decide as a family.

I think every family after the site is what we are to be about one of the Wilson's can be about. What is your family gonna be about, and in this message.

I try to say okay. The ideal families impossible working to live in a real family. So how do we get to become the family we want to become and we decided long ago. This word honor which Artie developed in part one is the way we want to live. Honor God honor each other in our family and then honor our neighbor, and of Artie give me the outline where this man is good go but it's like man if we could value others with honor. It would be the home.

We dreamed of. And I think it be a home that became a magnet. People would want to be a part of a family that honors and synergy said that like I'm thinking I would think this if I'm listening when our kids really like. I already failed. I've already failed a nest up my child and yet it's not about necessarily always doing it perfectly, but you're just kind of aiming at what God says a family could be that we need to target and the word honor is a pretty good target so whole families will listen and say okay let's hit that target. Think about this word honor. Think about this. You don't even have to like someone daughter so you like. I honor I don't like you don't have to.

We honor positions when the judge walks in the courtroom.

They say please stand for the Hon. Judge was at all. I know that you don't know if I like that just doesn't matter. They have a position honor. We stand other cultures kneel think that your family. I don't necessarily have to agree or even love or even like all the people in this room, but I'm to show them honor because of their value think that with me think about this and never forget Gary Smalley sent us. He says when you honor somebody that's really valuable. He says not only do you serve bend the knee and again that literally, but you bend the knee in your reverence for them, but your jaw drops somebody's really valuable walks in for you also proactively walk in here. Somebody you really respect his artist, musician, a movie star which is crazy that we honor these people.

It's just crazy. We do that we don't honor God with a walk in his like that's what we what would happen if you get this.

What would happen if the people your home, your sons or daughters or spouse. Your parents are grippers, your neighbors felt like I don't even know what happens when I'm in their home. I feel so likely they respect you know how to find it, but there feeling honored and blessed by us because were doing this in a sense, in our life. That's what I hope the homes become homes of honor to talk about. It is very quickly and leave the last service and was yours. I better come up do this with me. Too bad for you, she's not here about Kelly was he said okay because here's what we try to do in our home and I'm just saying this is the Wilson home in Austin. Today we did not do this perfectly, or something really become close.

What are our goal was to have a goal for your home. So here you go get some. You're like me, if it is you got to know what is it will try to do a whole what I'm saying is, what if you build a home of family around honor three areas of need Oreo to go first priority in our family that we try to instill in our legacy word first priorities honor who honor God, second priority. Honor one another in the family priority on your neighbors. This was our whole goal was that we had to think about every week.

Think about this if your peer you just had a baby. If you've ever studied this book from zero birth to age 18, you know me, which got 18 years you got 936 weeks. I would challenge you to do it. We try to do break it in the weeks and trust me on this guy like that you don't think that you're younger to that-year-old person with mother never live under's not there through Thursday all over the you're going to be gone so you got 936 weeks. What if you decide to say I'm gonna break these in two weeks and have a plan for each week to help my son or daughter honor God. As we do, and let me just say this before talk about some retains.

This is really important your kids parents are going to catch your face more than they're going to get your faith in other words, faith is caught more than thought if it isn't real and you probably has a hard time getting real devastating. Talk about. They should have a walk with God. They should be a man or woman of the world they should do this and they never see mom and dad do this is empty words are going to follow the way you walk, not what you point you hear me, if it's not an overflow say what one of the fascinating studies of youth ministry is these kids come to our youth groups. They get fired up the going retreats. The ones that the faith sticks with them into adulthood. Guess what of all the things that what works, what work you know what works is what you and I are so passionate about family is when they go home to a family that is living out the things they heard when they were at church so stick when they go home to a family that doesn't see any that it often doesn't stick. So if you're gonna pastor tried model in your family don't honor God. I'm telling you not shaming you and just send what about you honoring God, have they ever seen you I caught you in a private moment in the word of God is ever open the door and you're in your office and you're on your knees with your hands up here screaming with the songs we just saying do they ever catch that, like it's real or is it just words. So what we try to do it again and was here last services walking through and I don't have time we try to create routines, schedule routines that fit into these weeks that we have with our three sons at the time it was basically Yaro downers books written on this and we just try to try to live this out one of the routines was create routines where you can seize the mealtime so you sit down to dinner.

Mealtime sees Amalek present matter what they said to get Titus better and I could but you say okay boys, let's talk about your day, you got your day with a feeling were doing what we need.

Feeling word on my cleaning of feeling or should I try to draw motions out. That was season moments about their life and about God at mealtime mealtime is critical time. By the way, the studies that I've seen is really University of Michigan in one years ago said if you want your child to turn out like this kind of stable adult.

What is the key denominator that Jessica adult you want your was for mealtimes a week together as a family.

It wasn't their education. No ones for Cyrano it was you ever sit down as a family and say this daughters more than all this other stuff that the culture Sadie got this good are you sitting down as a family and talk about each other. A dog bite God how this you gotta sees bedtime, sees bedtime lay in bed with your kids read Bible stories a survival story talk about what talk about your struggles in life when their little toddlers when they're older so you don't notice that we started Kensington 1990 that was, and in my 10 year anniversary because of a 10 year right if you read vertical marriage. Chapter wanted to her about the 10 year anniversary 1990, when she says lost my feelings for you this year we started Kensington so I realize she is not getting my time and I have three little boys home and I'm not there at night when she's put in the bed, seizing bedtime, to pray with them and read Scripture with them gone. And here's the thing Steve Andrews was in trouble in his marriage as well were starting this church so both of us asked otherwise.

If you could pick morning or evening when do you need us through the most they both that evening so we stood in front Kensington small church in time and we both said hey we need to be home with our families at night putting our little boys to bed and hope in our lives. If you want to be with us were not can be ill available to you in the evening only in the morning 4 AM 5 AM 6 AM schedule points will meet with you but not the evening between nine years later, it was worth it. Been there when he was three and 458 right.

And remember, but I do. I blink and now I have a legacy. Again, not perfectly, but I member Austin, little summary before his wedding night as last night our house and we got on her knees and print from his bed and answered Austin. What are you gonna miss most is you get married and eating like he goes this printer and I with you guys when he was 45 1580 is so critical to honor God and create an atmosphere of bending the knee and showing value to the most important person ever again. If you're not doing it is can be hard for them to catch it. It's simply an overflow have all kinds of things in here. You delivered your drive times and was just the best drive to school. She's praying aloud to hear you pray like there's a website that's all we got that gets caught me one other thing zero down as many need to intentionally choose a date night. My kids all time know you don't want the best things you can do is send your kid you listen to John and Cody and your kids to your grandparents go out on a date. You need to port you guys already there young virgins that gives price go away for two or three hours and it's hard for young person to like this is my pride and joy to my precious give it to a bald guy who you think we raise a few we know it is somebody get out your sand your kids day and marriage is really important is very valuable.

Your mom is really valuable. She's actually more valuable than you because when you guys leave. She'll still be here on first, second, I guess that's the whole first part of his leg. One, so Yana got first cycle is what you members at each other, specifically at home and here's it's a simple point. Here's the thing. When your kids when your extended family.

Maybe your step kids walk in your home. One of the few do they feel their valued Dante so everywhere else I go there told her not to workshop them down a school why because they want to feel significant. So it makes them feel significant to cut them down where in their world today walk in a place and the second is her foot was in the door they feel like I'm so glad I'm here because here they appreciate me they see me they respect me they love me, is that the atmosphere of your home. One of the ways we try to really do that is through our tongue. What are we saying to our voice what we say to them. Every parent should know this. Your voice need to know what they have what it takes. It's at the core of their DNA to. I have what it takes whatever text everywhere they go.

Probably they're being told no. Are they here and from mom and dad or mom or dad or stepmom or whoever. Are they here you going to take some icy greatness in you. You got girls need to know what their love and cherish as they are hearing as they are not this beauty hit this intellectual not just as you are, what your main image of God euro Wilson your value they should feel this everyday like mom and dad honor each other, brother, sister with minerals are hope you're not allowed to use names you're not allowed to talk down to one another perfectly with that was the standard like that is allow the tongue is very important we try to teach and model show honor to one another and said Lazarus ever got this one.

Thanks, CJ, our oldest son was about about it is an elitist, she goes.

Also, he's one of those bad kids who smokes pot while the sun is so inside why think is like six egos also is a bad kid mom because he smokes pot is actually a really good kid. Mom is just trying to find his way and it just reminded her show honor to all people matter what struggle they may be going through, but especially your own children.

Do they feel honored in their own home.

Now I know some you like to speak the truth tell him how they missed it.

Yes, you do yes you do that's important part of the adult. You have to honor them by speaking the truth of the village. I some you know that if you're always thinking negative negative negative and then you bring another negative it doesn't land, but if you're speaking positive life affirmation.

Respect is received often that nobody sent him your greater greater amazing amazing future.

I love you I see you. I cherish you and then you bring truth they will receive it much better if you don't hear me.

That's what honor looks like. They feel this almost all the time so you're incredible. I could tell you story after story of my life doing that with these guys think of the remember this like honor, honor, honor okay so first one honor God cycle and honor each other. Final honor your neighbor was 70. It's really big picture. I don't have time to develop this older series, but God did this to your family just for you to be self focused and be all about you.

He is to your family. Here's the big picture your family as a vehicle, God instituted to take the gospel through you and your legacy in your generations to the world you get it is much bigger than you. It's not even about you it's about you impacting the world through what God does through the parents were first-generation Christian family. My parents were Christians and for the starters of a new legacy and here's the next generation the continuum that God designed us to have children that are not just children but godly legacy impact the world will me just close with this because the beauty of the family again.

It is so hard is so messed up sometimes some years that there like me at your event so her family. They can't even think about how you would honor your family. A woman came up to me right at the front door in between. After the first service.

She said I just gotta say this to you and I'm like one of my Kono know anything like that here comes a critique she goes 12 years ago you seared a message about family and had some a similar idea honor and your family and she said I was sitting there thinking I have grown up in the worst family ever. She's in tears saying to me every day of my life. My dad said you're no good every day. In Europe there saying you need to honor your family.

She says you made one comment I never forgot. I think it saved my life and what I say. She said one of the ways you can honor a family that's been really difficult is you need to choose to forgive that family.

She goes that day. I said okay to start that journey and she has since forgiven. She goes it freed me from the past to the present and now is a mom to a new legacy so some of you that might be the way to start the way to bend the knee again you can't do this without the power of God is the ascot document the power to honor somebody that doesn't deserve you to love them don't even like it doesn't matter. Honor is honor them and break free to new future. We've been listening today and Dave you gave this sermon back in 2019 and you ended in a place that's like oh man this is hard because you ended with forgiveness, yet amazing thing is I didn't planned and there. The woman came up to me after the first service we do three services on Sunday and I don't remember the message she's referring to.

Years before, but I do know this I had to do the same thing to my biological family. Forgive my dad for leaving. Forgive my mom I mean we all have things in our family. They're not perfect that are hurtful and we have to make a choice to forgive and if we don't it's very difficult to change the legacy for our family like now that were parents. I don't think we could've raised our boys the way we did it again, not perfectly, but if I've never broken free from the bitterness and resentment I had toward my parents. I would've never been able to be the dad that my kids needed while I remember what you were like before you forgave them he had an anger you had anger issues like there is a bitterness to you every time the name of your family, and you struggled with not seeing now and because of your forgiveness. You have been set free and now you're free to continue a new legacy instead of continuing an old legacy that was kind of. It just was a really hard yeah and I know that their families, their husbands, their wives, moms and dads listening right now baby children that are carrying what I carried you know anything like my family. If you knew what happened to me that he would realize they don't deserve to be forgiven and they don't and you and I don't deserve to be forgiven either by Jesus and we are it's an amazing gift that we are forgiven and as forgiven people. We have a choice to forgive people and having the biggest place to start and maybe the hardest is the start with your family mean that wound is deep. I mean, we said it earlier. It's emotional and I know because I felt it but I also know I'm free. Why, because I forget my dad yeah and you can see that freedom and money had this I think many of us need to receive the forgiveness that Jesus offers us because maybe we've done things that we've injured our family we heard our kids. We heard our spouse, and I think were plagued with this shame and self-hatred. And Jesus set us free, and his forgiveness and we need to receive that forgiveness and let ourselves go free, and I would maybe add this if this message is touched your life.

Maybe there somebody else that needs to hear it as well. So it's one of those that you could send them the link and let God work in their their family as well because at the end of the day if we could live out what today is all about honor.

Yeah, honor God.

First, honor your your family or your spouse second and then honor others.

I'm telling you you're going to produce a family that others want to be around to fix Kono not perfect but man honor is a magnet draws people to you and they want to know how you can honor and how you can live in forgiveness and you get the point them to the author, which is God himself.

The state was talking about sharing the link of this message with others. I was thinking about people I know who would benefit from hearing what Dave and I ensured today and we've got the link he was talking about our website@familylifetoday.com effect family like today is available on demand as a podcast. If you're a regular podcast list or spread the word about family life today to other people you know who might benefit from hearing this program and one of the best things you can do for us is to leave feedback about the podcast. It helps spread the word so podcast listeners do that if you will. If you want to share the link for today's program with somebody go to family life today.com and the link is available there. You also find information about Dave and Ann's books, which are called vertical marriage and no perfect parents. These are wonderful books about marriage and parenting that you can read for yourself or pass along as gifts to others. You can order the books for most online that family life today.com or call one 800 FL today to get a copy of the book again.

The website is family life to the.com, the number to call if you'd like to order either of the books from the Wilson's is 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today, we have got a big weekend happening here at family life. We've got thousands of couples who will be joining us for a weekend, remember getaway in Sioux Falls South Dakota in Irving, Texas just outside Dallas in Monterey California South Padre Island in Texas quarterly and Idaho Estes Park, Colorado, but David Robbins was the president of family life is here with me today, and David. These weekends away for couples are so transformative, so revolutionary in the lives of all of the couples who attend. Now we we know the challenges that have been on marriages through this pandemic them and were seen weekends to remember produce a ton of fruit of God, meeting people in their time of need and in wedges they feel in their own personal lives with her spouse and I just wanted take a moment, as Bob said to ask you to pray.

This is a spiritual work.

You know, we can present God's time was truth but it God is the one that allows hearts to be so hot in order to receive what he wants to do in a couples life and so would you take a moment right now and pray that God would work mightily in the truly thousands of people that are coming to these getaways this weekend. Would you ask that God would meet people and show them their need for Jesus, and to work mightily in meeting them in their time of need. Well, and if you'd like to find out more about our weekend to remember marriage getaways, go to our website. Family life to.com. The information is available there and to those of you who support the ministry of family life. You're the ones who make these getaways possible for other couples.

So thank you for your investment in their lives and in their marriages. We are grateful and we appreciate you and we hope you have a great weekend.

Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. We hope you can join us on Monday when we talk about some of the issues that are pressing against the faith of our teenagers and our young adults. Rebecca McLaughlin is going to join us to talk about answers to the questions about faith and life that most young people are grappling with today. We hope you can be here for that conversation, on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on Bob Lapine. Have a great weekend. See you back Monday for another edition of family life today.

Family life to a is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most