How To Stay In Your Marriage

That we've been living in an era where there's been a lot of falls in the Christian life of leaders falls here. People that have tripped up in their ministry and have disqualified themselves and wow that's of the topic.

It's a deep way to start. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most.

I mean Wilson Dave Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com for honor family.

This is family life today that we been living in an era where there been a lot of falls in the Christian life of leaders share you with you something that I really appreciated about you if you've been a pastor for over 30 years. One day this woman came up to me, is this phrase they like this. People think this is crazy, but all came up to me. She said really been trying to connect your husband, and he feels aloof to me when I come up and I asked him to pray for me. There was a little hesitation in my heart when she said I've been trying to connect with your husband because I'm like oh what's that mean but I've always appreciated that when people come up. You're always so willing to pray for them, but when I'm there and a woman comes up to. You're always looking for me like where's my wife because I want and to pray for these women talk about that. Why has that been significant for you and have you purposely been to women. While I mean I've heard that as well that I've been aloof and though I'm not purposely but yes I am purposely and we even know how to Paul, so the answer is yes not know, yes, but I'm not trying to be mean, right but I have set boundaries and we even at our church of boundaries when a woman comes up to pray. We connected to another woman.

We do our best not to just have a guy there alone with her could be a guy and another woman because it's wrong for men to pray for: banning sour just been careful and it's an intimate thing to pray with somebody I think in so you know you when we build our building offices. We have windows on every office so you're sitting in there in the world can look in and see again were not trying to exclude people from connecting with each other in ministry. It was just another boundary. The say if I want to finish. Well, I've got to set up boundaries and guardrails to help us do that is also talking about. We started this conversation previously about how do you finish well. Like you, so were live in a time where we seen public figures go down because they made decisions that have disqualified them from the race, and man oh man, we don't want to be one of them we would be another statistic and so when you think about what success is. It isn't how you start, it's how you finish.

That's what we said previously, and so the thing we started a discussion on is okay how you finish well. So what we say. First we set for stays. The first was what staying at one man pray together daily get in the word together daily get a Devo. The story of us. You can get from here family life and start working out together as a couple. If you want to keep your marriage strong to stay in the word, but the second one is what you just sorta highlighted and I think it's really a critical one. It stay away is going to say from sin, but I think it's even better say say away from temptation because temptation we play with it like oh it's not really soon and I'm not going to do what I'm looking at her thinking is just if you play with temptation you can end up given into temptation and undergoing sent so I just say stay away from temptation because it basically where we walked determines where we end up and you can't play with center will take you down always reminded of a passage in James. James chapter 1 were James Rice's fascinating.

I think a passage about temptation that sorta gives us a pattern of how sin takes place hereditary in James 113.

He says when tempted no one should say God is tempting me for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone ever blame God for temptation. I think a lot of us have yeah that Adam did. Yeah. I member in the in the book of Genesis when God comes looking for Adam and Eve.

He says the woman that you gave me so I blames his wife. None of us have ever done that has all the time and then he believes God you know and we done that in an James is saying you can't blame God. God does not tempt anyone but look at this in verse 14 to 15 he gives your pattern. If you read closely see why there's a temptation or a sin pattern, he says, but each one is tempted when by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.

Then after desire has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

So it's really interesting that a member study this years ago and finding out that the words in the original language.

It's like when the bait is dropped and the fishes hook.

He's dragged away, entice, it's literally a fishing term.

So James is using this fishing sort of metaphor, analogy to say temptation to send sorta the same way first boy says in verse 14 but each one is tempted other words, your temptation is individual to you my temptations individual media may be similar, but it could be totally different. Some people can't walk up to a smorgasbord because food can be a temptation for them. Others can have no problem with that, but they have problem with alcohol or or sexual temptation or slander you nonsense with its individual key think that Satan and the enemy has a strategy for us to go down and to fall. Yes, I will talk about that later yeah that's one of the other stays. Stay alert that you just got me office enough anyways, is that each one is tempted when by his own evil desire, so there's this burning longing like we desire and it's pretty strong.

He says he is dragged away and enticed. He is baited and he gives then and this is basically that leads to death.

When you give into sin. I don't mean physical death, but there's a separation in our fellowship with God that takes place at the end of temptation when we given who are you can and give your famous plaintiffs yes famous I think I like a nice church when we know this well because you've taught this a lot of thought this a few times in the Detroit Lions know this one well because we've talked about it because I think understanding the pattern of sin is important understand from what James taught us here and I would say this plane with temptation leads to devastation that sounds like a preacher done it as is temptation and devastation you're playing with temptation and when you look back at this passage in James one, I find a how you win and how you lose in a truly interesting because he uses the fishing term. I thought okay let's lay this out there for bees. The first thing that happens when were tempted as there's bait. There's bait that is dropped and each person's bait is different and I'm not a fisherman but I know this experience, fishermen use different bait to catch different kind of fish and they know that fish's earlier sin, earlier if there's an enemy of her. So he knows what Bates going to draw you away, compared to someone else. I think it be an interesting conversation have with your spouse, your friends, and accountability group to say what your bait to be really honest with her struggle. Yeah, because it really is different for everyone, but it might be similar but here's the thing in the passage she said as each one is tempted when by his own evil desire, so the second be for me is the bait is dropped and then there's this burn. It's like a dream to write this down. You write the word bait in them put an arrow going to the right burn. There's an evil desire you desire this bait and you can feel the burn. I called her burn. It's like it's internal.

Nobody else can see it or feel it. But you can feel it in your like me and if I'm not careful I could make a really bad decision right now. That's temptation.

At least the sin you don't do the right thing because this next be this next decision I believe determines life or death. It determines you finishing well or you being disqualified in the race and when you lose it goes from bait to burn to bite and you end up. Here's the last be baked under his eyes I think is going again. I'm not a fisherman but I know that you get a fish and you clean it and you put it on a frying pan you bacon and you eat it and I think that's what James is trying to see how it seems when he says in.

It gives birth to death bait so you can be eaten eventually, and so I think the same pattern is true in temptation.

At least the sin is there's bait something in us desires that there's this burn, and right here is the decision if you bite if you give in.

Don't kid yourself. Galatians is what a man sows, he will therefore reap you are gonna reap consequences that are very, very bad. If you give into sin, and I think sometimes the burning is so strong. We just given I remember was a Duke would put up the electric fence are little golden golden retriever we have this golden retriever named Duke and he's a puppy and are trying to train them with an electric fence so I have his collar on and I this time I'm training him with his leash. There were not say an electric scholars best way to go because I remember when we got that.

I said all of the zoning up anybody do this. I buried the line to plug the thing and I'm thinking I wonder if this thing first truck so I literally put this thing on my wrist that I walk over with both fingers on the book from terminals and I mean it's it was a straw you can turn it up or down. I turned it down. So every day I would take Duke out and I'm trying to show him his boundaries. But then the neighbor's dog, Rusty always come out and go right up to the boundary any wag his tail. He mark it Duke like coming 24 and remember going into the house and sing to you.

Satan's house like what Mike every time Duke goes out there.

He knows that he can't cross the boundary and now I've trained in like he doesn't have a leash, but he knows that if he goes across that boundary he's going to get that, but every time Rusty comes out is like come on, come on over past hungry and sure enough I can just see the one that he did it. We watched him from the family room looking out there and it was almost like you could see Duke like he looked over Rusty he been tempted day after day after day and you get close and I go back in the heat when that one day it's almost like you look back at the house and said you know what this is worth it and it's like we watching just like Sprint. He jumped right where the fence was he almost like braces body exists and that he landed in that our neighbor's yard and he just ran around with Rusty. We we nicknamed Satan, but I thought wow, we do something, you know, it's like we look at the consequences we look at the sin we look at the pleasure that's on the other side and their times we decide you know what I think it's worth it like I do that every night when you make can't take them at this time. Put all that butter on it so I loaded her father, Natalie, and I think that Bates dropped and then the burn is there and I almost always bite it and then the next morning I eat that corn. But here's the thing we were joking about it but there are many marriages that have been ended because of a husband or wife.

That said, the pleasure of an affair is not can be that big a deal. The ways everyone know it's just a one night or pornography or could be. Alcohol could be miss you some money. I mean, you can begin eliciting a dating app that really think dating is just to hook up at again that's playing temptation leads the devastation. The truth is what you do in private will one day be public and you can think no ways everyone to know, and there's a chance nobody ever will know what I member Jesus said, for nothing.

Mark four from nothing is hidden except to be made manifest, nor is anything secret, except to come to light. If anyone has ears to hear, let them hear. He said to understand what I'm saying what you play with in the dark will come to the light and it could end your marriage it could and your legacy.

I think sometimes about my dad and think a man if he jested chosen to stay away from temptation for him.

It was alcohol and it was other women.

It ended my mom and dad's marriage. It had ramifications on me as a little boy growing up devastating effects in your family, and could have been devastated effects for generations to come.

Unless God intervened and saved me and you and said were to change the future. The Wilson name. But again, it highlights how critical it is when the Bates dropped and you feel the evil desire within you. You have a choice. Your choice for good or bad is going to impact your legacy and so is you think you go back to this thing I said there's you know the way you win in the way you lose. We looked at the way you lose there's debate, there's the burn you bite your baked but think about this. How do you resist how you stay away from temptation.

What I'll think a lot of us realize is the patterns very similar there still bait in our life.

You can't get completely away. I mean we should avoid any temptation, but there still temptations are going to be in life, so there still to be bait believer, not even as a committed follower Christ you're still going to desire it sometimes, and sometimes it's almost overwhelming. It feels like the burn is so strong, so that the way you wins looks the same in the first two there's bait there's burn but the third be his word. All changes when you lose you bite when you win you bolt and bolt means you run, you bolt out of there and then you're blessed and I don't mean blessed. Meaning you're going to have money and you can never get it sickened everything to me like you're blessed because your your finding happiness and joy in obedience to Christ and it comes from the decision when the bait and burner in your life the way you stay away from sin as you literally run and sometimes you may have to run physically. You know, run out of this situation run out of this store run out of this magazine rack run out of this hotel room and by the way, I think we all know you make that decision long before you get there you those uncut decisions you make in the moment. Those are pre-decisions which is why I say I don't pray with women at the front of the stage at our church. I've decided I'm to pass that on to another woman, just to be careful. I can remember before we are married I was a huge flirt like terrible yes you were and I remember after we got married I go. This is like a hard habit to break because I wanted attention from other guys and I think that's when we said early on we need to set boundaries in different areas because it can be harmless in one sense, but you never know when or where that could lead and so man staying in the word staying away from temptation. We have just a short time when it dealer to weaken him quick okay I think if you want to finish well all by the way, let me say one last thing about temptation. If you're playing with something you need to tell somebody who if you conceal it, it leads to death. You reveal it leads to life, and I'm telling you it really gets in this third one.

The stay in the word stay away from temptation. The third want to stay close to a brother, so if your husband or dad in your plan was something that you know is fire you need. Tell brother your wife you need to tell sister is Proverbs 2717. So true. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another no one finishes a race well on their own. If you and run fast, run alone. If you're run long running community any people beside you need brothers we have couples that we've done our marriage with for 40 years and raised our kids together. I mean, I don't think you make it to the finish line and finish well without brothers and sisters, couples and run beside Jehovah. Not too long ago, one of our married sons called and said you guys. I'm really struggling. I need you guys know about it.

I need you to pray and man it was hard for him to tell us he said I just need you to know I just need other people to know about this so it's not alone and I'm not alone yet. I always say this God always saves with his power, and with his people and we often think it's just his power in some sense that's all you need is Jesus and his power but he always couples that with you need people beside you who know your struggle who can celebrate you with you in the in the joys and walk with you through the valley so if you're in a finish well.

You need stay in the word and they stay away from temptation needs stay close to a brother or sister couples let the last one in the last one you mentioned it earlier.

Stay alert to the enemy. I think it's so easy to forget were trying to finish this race and finish it well and there's someone that wants to take us off the row wants to take us out to me. Jesus said, the thief is referring to Satan comes only to steal, kill and destroy. But I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. So God has a plan for life system to Satan, may we talk about all the time at the we can remember in family life. His plan for a marriages oneness that you would advance the kingdom of God as a couple together Satan's plan for marriage is divorce if if that's God's planning with the split up a Christian couple say there's no power in God. There's no life in God. It's no different anyway. Also, there's an enemy that you have to stay alert to to protect yourself and your family. If you want to finish well and we also say at the weekend to remember that your spouse is not your enemy yeah because so often we think all I know the enemy is, it's my spouse but that's kinda Satan's lies like that your life would be better if your spouse was in town so as a couple U-turn together against the enemy and that means they alert. It's like it. I picture a husband and even wife standing at the front door their house and send no sin is not coming in destroy this home.

I'm the protector I'm staying alert. I've got my head on a swivel home watch and then again I'm thinking God had a plan for my mom and dad, Satan had a plan. Satan's order one that one as they got into alcohol on adultery and even abuse and then divorce and then God saves.

Jesus saves me and you and he says I have another plan for the Wilson legacy in you guys can finish well but are part of that because it's on God, but are part of stay in the word stay away from temptation stay close to a brother and stay alert what what I did and maybe this could be your application is. I said this at a women's conference. I took my home back like from the enemy. I walk around and praying like Jesus I pray that you would surround this house with your power with your angels like your Holy Spirit would invade this house and then at this conference, I gave all the women painting sticking out a stirring stick and on mine. I wrote what Joshua wrote. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord and I took that stick and I buried it and I said out loud. This house belongs to Jesus, Lord, I pray and protect every square foot of this home are you Jesus and for your kingdom. So when names take your homes back for the kingdom of God because there's so battle raging gives us the power through his Holy Spirit to win, I think. So often prayer is the neglected weapon we have available to us that can transform our marriage and our family that can strengthen us were praying on our own or praying together as a couple for our marriage, and for our family. It's a powerful tool that God has given us and we have a resource and family life that's designed to help couples pray together regularly. It's a devotional called the story of us. This devotional is written by the couples who speak at the family like we can remember marriage getaways along with some of our staff. Your family life.

You can order the devotional when you go online. The family life to.com or call to order one 800, FL, today is the number or statement and have written the book vertical marriage which is all about the importance of, as they like to say going vertical being connected with God for our marriage to be what God wants it to be. That book is available in our family life today resource Center as well.

It's also available as a small group video series.

All of these resources can be ordered from us online@familylifeto.com or you can call to order one 800 FL today build into your marriage strengthen your marriage with the resources we have available here. Go to family life to day.com to order, or call 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today you one of the best practices of couples whose marriages thrive all the way to the finish line is that they are intentional about pouring into their marriage. David Robbins was the person family life is here with us today and David helping couples know how to strengthen their marriage is at the heart of the family life weekend. Remember marriage got away and those getaways are happening pretty much every weekend this fall.

Now that's right, the heart of it is spending time together investing time together away from the hurriedness of life around timeless truth.

The truth that is transforming and are so whole that draws us together and oneness in the way that only God can make us one and that's why we put on weekends to remember and we have to this weekend in Raleigh and San Diego. We have four more getaways happening next weekend and and many more throughout the rest of the fall, we would love for you to carve out that time keep building the layers on your foundation to make your marriage strong and last for the long haul. Yeah, in addition to the weekend. Remember getaways happening this weekend in Raleigh and in San Diego. We got events happening in Hartford, Connecticut, Louisville, Kentucky, Parsippany, New Jersey, Little Rock, Cleveland, Florida, Pittsburgh, Sioux Falls. I mean you can go online to our website. Family life today.com and find a city near you where a week and remembers happening this fall. I can go to family like today.com and the link is there to find out more about the weekend to remember marriage getaways and we hope you'll join us at an upcoming getaway. We also hope you have a great weekend this weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church and I hope you can be back with us on Monday when Matt and Lisa Jacobson will be here to talk about what we can do as parents to build up and encourage and strengthen our kids how can we affirm them and use our words to do that it's coming up Monday hope you can be here for that on behalf of our hosts David and Wilson on Bob Lapine will see you back Monday for another edition of family life today like today is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most