Marriage: Breakable, But Beautiful

Who taught you what marriages what most informed your view of marriage when you think about marriage when you would you would define it. Who most informed that and I think it's gonna be different than you would like some is about five or God or my Sunday school teacher is probably Hollywood.

It's probably movies that you seem most likely your parents whether they stay together or didn't those around you. All you know is breakable marriages, and for some of us, broken marriages and I think this expectation is a major issue and something to blame as we think about this reality that were not getting better. Welcome to family life today where we might help you pursue the relationships that matter Mount nine Ian Wilson and I'm Dave Wilson and you can find this@familylifetoday.com or on our family life and this is family life today so we got a message today from JP precluded yeah and we love him.

He's a prison message.

He gave it his church at Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco, Texas, and mean he can preaching and this one was on marriages walking through Ephesians 5 and it is just some really really good teaching on marriage, mapping, listeners can enjoy this.

Yeah. So enjoy this big of a nostalgic time for me as the season has turned colder and I just think it back in. So this week in particular was just thinking back to our place in dialysis relationships. There we laughed and I was I was going through some pictures and I was reminded of this swing that we had in our front yard. It was a disk wing that one had made for us and gifted to us of this wooden desk and we had hung it on this tree in the front yard and so here's a picture that this is easy Presley there. You look over the door of the house will see Weston my son swinging on the swing, and so they love this swing like they would go out there for hours. No lie, and just just did after the swing because was in the front of the house, the neighborhood would come like it was just very normal for me to be sitting in our living room look out the window and see two or three kids that I didn't know you know on this swing playing on it. We discussed that he is a free-for-all anybody which which always made me a little bit nervous because I hung the swing in Ephesus like you know at some point but my kids would go out there, they would have a big time.

They love the swing was such an incredible source of joy and entertainment and just as the font is the source of fun for them in one day.

On this particular day like the whole neighborhood is there is seem like there was like six or seven, eight or nine kids, huddled around the swing, all backed up and they were swinging each other. They were taken turns, I heard the giggling, coming through the window and then one person was that they were an oversized kid, let's say they ran and like jump up and landed on the swing, and it just the ground that this just kinda went to the ground and they were okay. No hospital visit, they were little shaken up in others a little bit of tears, but what was everyone that had enjoyed the swing was circled around them in a scar like look like oh you can break.

I think their minds were going back to when the time that they were flying through the air like praise God it didn't happen when daylight shoots into the neighbor's house shall mean praise God. What is so the guys on the ground like there's some tears there.

Everyone circled around them and they're like and all of a sudden this thing that was this amazing source of entertainment and joy in life and find wasn't anymore. I fixed it like I went out there make sure everything was okay put it back did a double. Not this time. Like secured it well, like everything is finally okay hey guys, it's fixed, you will go ahead is fine now it's it's actually better than it was… Couldn't at this point, get them to play on this swing because from their perspective. They learned some they they know that saying that supposed to be fun and full of joy and entertainment and enjoyment is breakable and I think this is our view of marriage today this gift from God that was given to us. This covenant of marriage. All we know. Every single person hearing this right now the only marriage you know is a breakable marriage, the kind that doesn't necessarily have to last forever, or even a lifetime here on earth. All we know is breakable marriages and I think this informs the way we view it, and what we do with it and what we think about it, and when we think about it how we treated and how we approach I think when you have a little family huddles I hey, how are we doing how are we doing a getting along. How are we doing today and marriage and so what's happening this morning. I will talk about real marriage, real marriage, the mandates the mission in the mystery before you leave here talking about the mystery I just want to ask you who taught you what marriages what most informed your view of marriage when you think about marriage when you when you would define it. Who most informed that and I think it's gonna be different than you would like some is about five or God or my Sunday school teacher is probably Hollywood. It's probably movies that you seem most likely your parents whether they stay together or didn't those around you.

All you know is breakable marriages, and for some of us, broken marriages and I think this expectation is a major issue and something to blame as we think about this reality that were not getting better at marriage not getting better with more tools than we've ever had more things speaking into this but it's not something that were getting better in some form of single friends artist has rolled her eyes.

No great nightmares, not relevant to me know.

It's especially relevant to you because we can capture you at this time and help define your expectations because my can I do a lot of marital counseling and a lot of will have the couples take what's called a prepared and rich test and is testable. It will show us the special areas of interest and so here's a few of the questions that are asked there one is my you answer true or false. This, my partner will meet all of my needs for companionship. Most couples stay true to course, false. My partner's interest in sex will be the same as mine. Most of said true again very very. I believe I know everything there is to know about my partner tested the flooding would skip that nothing could cause this is the one that every marriage I've done has missed every single one that nothing could cause us to question our love for one another and they say true and I say you're going to question your love one another before you get back from the honeymoon man like that's that's happening that is in reality those are some of the expectations but here the stats that were living in 1960 7/10 people in their 20s were married, compared with just two edits in the days were getting married later this come from pew research Center 2014 for the first time in history, the average American now spends more years singled and married again getting married later. About 50% of first marriages end in divorce again from pew research Center know. Maybe you've heard that's 35% or 32% to 45%. Listen, I'm not can be done preaching on this until zero like until we get to a place where we have an understanding of an on breakable marriage. I got a call the other day from a friend actually of a wedding that was a part of. Not when I officiated but but when we are at and she just said I know at work. I think were incompatible I think were incompatible.

I just have to say you all because your two human beings to sinners, to sinful human beings and know you're both created in the image of God, you have different interests you been raised in different homes you have different hobbies different likes you. You approach conflicts different.

You are very incompatible. I liken it to know God made them male and females like oil and water. All we've done our entire life is really repelled each other in some way like this is like were just different opposite.

In a lot of ways, like like two ends of the magnets that that push each other apart and then we get married we stand before a preacher and we say no, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part and then we go on the honeymoon as is for this reason, I will leave his father, mother, united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. And so you at the two flesh two people and so then it's it's it's wine there's like this.

This oneness that that takes place in marriage where we are forced to get along to learn how to adjust to each other and meet each other's needs. This is a picture of biblical marriage so we been listening to JP precluded give a marriage sermon in his church hi Taylor I think is good. He is getting in the exciting thing is he's can be on the love like you mean a crew speaking on marriage as well and you can not only come on the cruise with us, but if you sign up right now you get a special discount for family left in a listeners.

I really do hope the people take advantage of that because it is a great week on the ship where you go deep with my mother but you're also learning so many biblical principles about marriage. If you be a great cruise.

So let's go back to JP's message. He started dives in the something DNS wired ES were to be in Ephesians chapter 5 rather predictable text on marriage went somewhere unpredictable but why not just dive in where the Scripture covers the topic you noticed that almost always take a passage and break it up into three sections. That's not because I think it's cute or not something I started doing when I became Baptist. It's something that I do, because study after study after study say that our minds digest things in threes and I use alliteration at times. Again, not because it's a cheap party trick because everything I do up here is to try to take the word of God impressive into your hearts and minds and so if you leave here you get in the car and something memorable and you guys can talk about it and shakes who you are. That's when and so that's that's why I do that if you've ever wondered as we move through Ephesians 5 and look at the mandate of marriage. The mission of marriage and the mystery of marriage submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Such an important line take is a close everything we were about to go everyone all of you husband's wise male-female submit to one another out of reverence for Christ to be subject to each other do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider the other person more important than yourself makes one another out of reverence for Christ.

Hold onto that. That's important wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as you do to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church's body of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. You could underline the word submit and you would do it a few times there and we don't like this word. In fact, a lot of people say all that's outdated, it doesn't apply to thousands today. This is an old some of you are already angry you think about okay, how do I look like I'm going to the bathroom and and just get back in the car and time. Hang in there with me if you would list.

Let's keep going. I think I'm in all I did was read the Scripture so far. I said so hang tight with me and you might think with the Holy Spirit, took his hand up the will and Paul started writing something robe right there like Peter writes wives in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands again in Colossians Paul writes wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as fitting in the Lord, are there something in this now doesn't say submit to a man. This is important. Single friends doesn't say submit to a man and doesn't say submit to send if a man is asking you to send out submit to him, but is talking about something even greater then ourselves.

It's it's talking about Christ and the church. I'm not nodding, Paul is not in the Holy Spirit is nodding.

Where were going in this text you're starting to see that where did you learn about marriage. I think it's different than what you think it is that we don't like this idea of submit and what's interesting about that is the Scripture actually said we wouldn't. So when you don't, you're just playing into what God told you right at the beginning was going to happen because in Genesis chapter 3 when Satan enters the world. This is perfect relationship or relationship that works well between a husband and wife. The first husband and wife on their all of a sudden it's fractured and innocent because it's fracture. This is what he says will happen says to the woman he said, I will make your pains and childbearing very severe with painful labor.

You will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over use as your desire will be for your husband and you will relook your design like your desire of every dynamic. Let's not so bad. No, but that's not what it means worse is your desire. In the Hebrew that word he shows up again. Just a chapter later with Kane is says sin is crouching at your door and it desires you desires to devour you when he says your desire will be for your husband read your desire will be for your husband's role.

You will now fight him for the steering unified him for that role. This again Scripture says this right off the bat is right about now. The man just told you know some elbows going on.

Husband is love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. What's another word and gave himself up for her whatsoever for that they were capable.

Yes, I think sacrifice would be a good one.

And so the next time he says to you ladies pay. The Bible says you're supposed to submit to me you just go back and say the Bible says you're supposed to die and wash your hands of that move on. You know the Bible says you're supposed to put all of my interest in front of your own when you done what you say is you wanting me to submit. Can you tell me what you sacrificed so to lead us to this decision that you want to take what has it cost you. What have you put aside like how do I know you not doing this out of your own interest in your own desires. Submit that's a hard ass. We spent a lot of time talking about that which is always confusing because to me it doesn't seem fair and unbiased, God like submit the easier one of the two did you see second the world I'm supposed to play to lay my life down for her at every minute. What is she need to submit to other than service. This is our issue when we think of leadership we think of authority.

Biblical leadership always. Every single time means surface and we don't have a concept for that.

That's why we struggle with these ideas. Mark 10 for even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Talking about leadership. We get to lead right Jesus know you get to serve read that in context later and so the mandate of marriage, the mandates of marriage or submission and sacrifice submission sacrifice again. Paul is is a beginning to paint a picture of this metaphor that is more about Jesus.

Philippians 26 says who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. Jesus who was God.

He's not fighting the father for some authority in Satan but don't don't you forget on God to he plays a role equal in rank, but playing a different role equal and worse in value plays a different role equal in rank plays a different role when you say well I think that's a dated idea.

I don't think we should play different roles or marriage. Everybody thinks that to some degree. But let me just tell you that when Monica and I are laying in our bed right where there were about to go to sleep and somebody kicked in the front door. There's not a scenario I'm like you want to check that out. On the way here will hold this down what you want. My God here take go see who's here somebody's somebody's friend like you guys you guys wouldn't want me to lead, you wouldn't listen to me. We all like those ideas to to a certain degree right there is a cruise ship that happened in 2013 and dudes were throwing women out of the way to get on a life raft in the entire country said what a joke. Those white men.

Everyone knows the man goes down and the woman goes free.

God created us to play some rules and so in marriage. We are called to give to each other.

100% and expect nothing in return, which is extremely very very difficult because in my flesh I don't want to sacrifice my desires. I want to do what I want to do in this alone is why we fight is the only reason we've ever in the history of marriage have ever gotten an argument change or says it like this. What causes fights and quarrels among you, don't they come from your desires that battle within you the desires and use selfishness can't tell you something. Selfishness is the enemy of marriage.

Selfishness is the enemy of marriage and marriage is a university as a teacher it's a professor teaching you not be selfish and it is a source of joy out of things you might be thinking. What I don't want to do know it's a source of joy. It's a source of fun. It's a source of encouragement and also cites my single friend like I can do anything for a moment like for a moment, I can submit for a moment, I can sacrifice for a moment, I can tell you how beautiful you are, but went on to do that for the rest of my life.

That's where it gets really really challenging.

That's when things begin to fade. You guys remember this in dating like for my married friends. You remember when you dated each of you guys to some some stuff I know because I did some silly stuff, and when I met Monica Rubin. I mean, it was just like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Set on a platter. I was hopeless. I was done I became a student of her, I learned that she liked TCP why a place I had never been to but they had this white chocolate mousse, yogurt, and she liked it with Heath bar topping and Alice and I found myself there every other day and I was very she worked at the salon at Ridgewood village I would bring her this TCP why yogurt and just air it just make a show I was just in the neighborhood else got this.

What you like, you know I got to just in case you know. And I would do silly stuff.

I was I would leave message as it as it began to take I would leave these voicemails now existing boys to men to her another so that I know I know you think less of me now that I was assigned as she loved Fazoli's. I hated Fazoli's what she was like the light Fazoli's as I love miniature yogurt authority. It's amazing let's go drive and review marriage like it's like the wedding. Rather, the wedding is like when the flowers in full bloom and it's been cut from the vine and is there and is beautiful for everyone to see. And from that moment for the next day just begins to fade and we just kind of accepted that is normal when really the real gardening starts after you say I do that's that's when you start watering. That's when you start nursing. That's when you start pouring into Jesus submitted to the father's will and the father sacrificed his only son in the gospel. You see these ideas. Submission and sacrifice and so marriage is one of our greatest opportunities to show the world the gospel in the way that we submit and sacrifice for one another and so you can ask this question tonight. How can I do a better job of pursuing you. How can I do a better job of pursuing you, and then listen don't get defensive and do it.

It is normal, even natural for marriages to have a slow drift toward isolation over time. But as pastor and author Jonathan precluded his said today when you begin to accept that as inevitable or as just the way things are you given in to a temptation at that point God's design for us is to attend to our marriage to work on our marriage and that's what Jonathan has been talking about in today's message were here. Part two of this message tomorrow.

Jonathan is gonna be joining us as one of our speakers this year on the love like you mean it marriage cruise that happens the week of February 6, 2022 cruising is back it's safe.

Cruise lines have been operating for a few months now everything is going fine.

And so we are ready to step on board the love like you mean it marriage cruise in February 2022 degrees is about 70% full, so were coming to family elected a listers to let you know this is kind to your last opportunity to sign up and join us in February for the love like you mean a marriage cruise. In addition to Jonathan precluded will be other speakers like David and Wilson. Ron deals can be on board. Dr. Julie Slattery, the Kendrick brothers are joining us and others, artists, musicians, it's gonna be a great week in the Caribbean together. The 2022. Love like you mean it marriage cruise right now.

We got a special offer for family life to a listers you can save a little money if you sign up between now and October 4.

So go to family life today.com all the information you need is available there. You can call us to get any question answered, or if you'd like to sign up for the cruise call one 800 FL today one 803 586-329-1800 F is in family L as in life, and then the word today, not tomorrow working here. Part two of the message we began today from pastor and author Jonathan precluded who again is can be with us on the love like you mean it marriage cruise in 2022.

Johnson talks tomorrow about how we can find the hope and help. We need when we come to a tough spot in our marriage there is hope when there is help and will talk about how you find that tomorrow on behalf of our hosts David and Wilson.

I'm Bob Lapine.

We will see you back next time for another edition of family life, family life, to a is a production of family accrued ministering, helping you pursue the relationships that matter most