Strength for the Future

Hi honey I got a word for use if you know when it is okay excellent. Jill: I heard it for the first time this week.

He said maybe it's me. What's interesting. I think this is a great topic.

Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and will send Dave Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com or on our family life. This is my life today next window.

It's the exit, as I feel like of evangelicals from the church and specifically from what I've read its 20s and 30s that are leaving the church. Yeah it seems like were here and Mormor I mean it's always been true, but recently were here a lot more mean names like Joshua Harris. Recently, the New York Times in an article on the son of a prominent writer pastor who's just sort of walk away from the faith and there's millions of people following these people and and going that way.

I think it leads a lot of us Christian parents and even our listeners to go, what we do wrong you know and how do we do this right and we want to raise children that are walking in the faith.

50 years from now. I hope that's our dream as were watching the second okay what is it that's can I create that kind of disciple, and I think today we really do want to talk about what we can do his parents to help our children be spiritually resilient and all you just dry because we are talking about a book today. It's called resilient the subtitle is child discipleship in the fearless future of the church. Yeah, the fun thing is we got our bell. We got Matt Marquez and Mike Hendler in here and they've written, resilient, and I'm not kidding. We told you this last night as we were reading this book actually to be honest and was reading as I listened, knowing I wasn't. I got on Facebook marketplace looking for a motorcycle. That's what I'm reading to get to it in 20 minutes, but she couldn't stop talking about this. You have you have written a fantastic resource and were excited to have you.

So welcome to family life changes, some that you read it yeah yeah honestly hope millions read. This is for parents and it's for church leaders and people in the church that anybody that works with kids really right yet.

Her heart beats or breaks for discipling kids this works for you. Yes, I will give you a little bit of an introduction, but would love to hear you guys introduce each other if you want, but Valerie Bell is the CEO. Yeah I Java water. Yes, and I try to keep these guys in line. Half of the long time ago that part of my job. I don't want to is vision casting. That's what CEOs do and as I began to put into words what I had been feeling really since I was even a young child about kids what's happening to kids and trying to advocate for them. I found that it was resident inside a want which is a 70-year-old ministry to kids enough you think that everything had been said about kids by then right that I was speaking BS. And these two guys in particular began to pick it up.

What I call the first adopters. That's another way of talking about it, but to this messaging. They brought particular gifts you guys help me describe this with each other but he was resident with it, but then he's got these gifts of strategy word gifting as well and new to get the research behind all of these things that I was expressing and feeling and so he brought real professionalism and a vision for this being more than a book. Now I'm looking over and he's got a whole strategy for this piece of paper looks like a football player. To me, but it looks like you know you're doing so use chief strategy officer at the want to write yes of our talks about that vision sought border regard to how we can go from here to there. So I worked together with Valerie Mike, an entire team of people and words, charting the course. How do we come alongside of the church and parents help them to make resilient disciples were going to engage the culture and shape the church of 2015 so I work very closely with Mike Himmler. Mike is a chief communication officer Tawana and Mike brings thoughts to this book, structure, and all the creative's very very textured rich. I think work of art and it largely due to the one of the gifts that Mike brings into this conversation, so Mike's the only one in our group at the radio voice. No one likes talking but say about Mike is that he's like the extension of my right brain enough so I'll try to write something. I think that is less and then he'll get hold of it and I'll go now that wasn't likely right now, it's fabulous.

All three of your parents get to so sold by your families had two grown sons and six grandchildren, and even married Valerie to go to sons are kidding.

I've been married 23 years Mike to quickly do the marriage question for your life might be listed for mom that I know are about. So we were married 17 years. We have four kids so come in at this resilient idea your parents trying to raise what we started talking about young men and women who are resilient in their Facebook describe resilient website word mean how did end up in the title of your book wears a take a cell. Since this was a group project. I brought some of the things I've been writing and I thought I was writing a book called future proofed that was my title and your storefront of the title is good until I laid this offering in front of them is the author argue over who came up with resilient I say it was a group process because that word describes something that's so important it's not protection.

It's not you know being separated.

This word means that you are involved. You engaged your engaged in two areas that you engaged in the culture in your engaged in the church as a leader. So the definition of resilient is a quality that allows a person to bend and flax without breaking under the weight of culture think that the fear is that we have his Christian parents as we see the culture becoming weightier and weightier and more influential and more difficult to handle with our kids, and here's the thing that so fabulous about resilient. It can be learned. We teach our children how to be resilient and to be able to manage and even influence the culture that we are currently seeing coming at us like a tsunami. This we give our kids the tools to be able to be successful but to be Christian in the midst of culture that's beginning to be less and less Christian, less and less respectful of Christian views. I think this is so good because his parents, and you guys have teenagers today and I think a lot of parents are feeling fearful and they wanted take her kids and hide in a bunker based on what's happening in our society. And yet you're saying now.

Let's help them be a part of the work. Not only that, but influence like they are the ones that are influencing culture with your collective dream would be a why wouldn't the next downline president be somebody who is a Christian, a professing Christian why do Christians need to separate themselves from culture. They should be the ones influencing culture influencing the arts, influencing the church influencing communities and ultimately influencing families there's no reason why Bible believing Christians through the power the Holy Spirit with an allegiance to King Jesus shouldn't be in those places of influence.

So you guys a published book so there's this there's nervous feeling goes off.

The president goes in the marketplace is a moment of silence in your waiting for the early response that we got from this book that is not stopped since.

Was you gave me words for something that I've been feeling for quite some time, so it whether you're a parents of young children, teenagers, or you're looking to grandkids out resilient has helped put the finger on things have changed for no longer living in a majority Christian culture right where you live United States might be very much in a post-Christian culture society but were still engaging our children.

Many, many of us are still engaging our children. Perhaps in our local church ministries the way we were doing it. A decade ago. Does that need to change and and where does it need to change that some of question that obviously doesn't the change in weather things you talk about the book is having eyes to see and understand the culture shows the concept of the mindset of his car right you talk about that anyone of you dog but that's a fascinating study in every parent and every leader of children's ministry needs understand this all the time of the car comes out of David's lifetime when he is starting to be king and he's bringing together all the tribes and most of the tribes are just given a name and a number except when it came to the car and it has this peerless description of their spiritual giftedness. They understood the times and they knew what to do culture vultures. That's right, they were culture will listen to this though the church was culture vultures. What if we understood the times and we knew what to do. We make a point.

There is a difference from our traditional approach to raising children, which is protection which makes sense. I mean, I've been a mother I know it's dangerous out there, I said all those things to my kids so protection meeting him to pull my kids out.

I'm just gonna put a moat around and try to stay low here, but the problem with protection is that it can raise up kids who are strong, courageous, bold and resilient.

It takes another P word to do that and that word is prepare prepare them to be able to not be blown away by the things that they're going to be facing prepare them with the kind of talk that allows them to speak into the culture and be heard. There's just all this new kind of territory for us to discover as Christian parents context.

How we arrived at this moment the secular culture at large is identified as being about personal autonomy right.

You hear phrases like you be you. We could just keep going and listing all these these phrases I would actually say that others are saying is actually about hyper individualization, so it put a date to this in 2007 what happened was he or the iPhone was invented in the same time. Twitter Facebook if you now have an email address. Anyone can have it. This has created a supercharged culture, we can celebrate our hyper individualization rights and so what we now have to do with our children is help them to understand as to be a resilient disciple of a disciple that's going to thrive and that we we have to ask different questions and leaders are asking are we adequately preparing today's kids to thrive in a very different future than we corrupt and we've never experienced anything like this you seek its unique new time that we were as parents were asking for help. Some of the stats that you included in the book Matt were fascinating to me. Can you share some of those of what's going on culturally yet so we believe there's a handful of shifts that have taken place in one of them would be what were just mention which is really the digital disruption. The digital disruption has created an opportunity for secular culture to become very pervasive smart phone is an interstate system where a lot of information can run through that conduit and that we also have what's happening with the family right Bauer talk about the shift in the family.

Today's kids 50% of them will be raised in single-parent families. Some of those kids fact the majority of those kids will experience a certain degree of fatherlessness and so these children have special needs and their parent who is raising special needs. Let's be extremely caring about them as well but we haven't had this before. We haven't had to look at that cultural shift and say we doing things the same way I grew up in a home where when I was six years old.

My mom and her divorce. So I can remember sitting in elementary school.

Furman elementary school in Findlay, Ohio. I was the only kid in the class without a doubt mile Drive 3040 kids and that is not the more we live in today. And yet, like you said were still sort of doing things the way that they did in the 60s. You know I don't want to word myself examining where looking at ourselves too and I remember when my this short story because we have so much to cover that I want to tell this because it does illustrate this point exactly. My grandson was at L1 and I went and watched him and I take him home. I bring him and take him home and it was a little girl who is in charge of his group. I think it was the right group and she had one of these vests that had every award known to mankind and she was seeing. She could run 1/3 world country and I could tell my grandson had crashed because he did what she said that a Christian or two. I just was so charmed by this little girl and during the group time and asked for prayer. She raised her hand and she said pray for my daddy he doesn't know Jesus. And when I heard that phrase he doesn't know Jesus contained a world of pain for that little girl, do you know the next week we had a Grand Prix race day, which is a big deal is computerized.

They make the cars at home. It's all major deal.

And guess who wasn't there. She didn't daddy to make her car with her.

She did have somebody and we could've picked up on that we didn't pick up on it so we need to pick up on those cues from the kids and were trying to be a lot more aware of the things that we do that could actually cause pain. Over half of the kids fit into that category. Now it's a different world. So you got the sort of discipleship going on digital for some good with that.

But there's obviously it's a different world you family breakdown and then you talk about the church decline.

You have the church in the West is facing decline. I mean, there are other parts the world where the church is vibrant right were through those. God is doing amazing work, but here in the west side I don't get any of us would be surprised or taken off guard to think about the number of churches, a close pre-covert you add in what we just endured and is still walking through in terms of this pandemic in the number of churches of closed it's staggering to think about. So you add these factors together, it can seem pretty bleak right it can seem pretty hopeless.

And then when we come up with a resilient child discipleship in the fearless future the church it seems almost like living what news are they reading what what what are they looking you know a couple of things happen to me during this pandemic course I'm worried about Alana, 43% of our churches did not sign up for one again because of their own situations, you know, in case somebody's never heard of a Wanda how would you describe, I would say that it's kids club through churches that emphasizes discipleship, particularly Bible memory and fun and the discipleship by mentorship will talk a little bit more about that now those are three of our corners that we work with their hundred and 26 countries where one operates. We work with almost 5 million children every week.

He may have seen it down at your church in a corner enough corner church or something like that, but it is a movement it's more than an organization. Now it's a movement that God is using that's another whole thing. We can talk about it happening there but I'm so worried you know mangling God why did you make me in charge of this. I don't want to do in a covert situation.

What were you possibly thinking the word would come back to me continually through my probing of God and what in the world were you thinking into this phrase raise up the greatest generation of disciples.

Don't get stuck in covert Valerie think about all over the world. You got 5 million kids and a lot of them now are on the Internet.

They are learning how to connect it won't be long before we can connect this whole global group in a relationship like we had never had before.

Okay, so that's possible. That's not just crazy thinking and then my grandson said to me, lovey, have you ever heard God talk to you he sex and I will be theologically correct and I said I think he spoken to me through his word.

I think he speaks to me in messages that should encourage you pastor and things like that in the Bible and he said no.

I mean God's voice. Have you heard God's voice & beginning to get this feeling like a boy with this and so I said Reese, haven't have you and he said yes and I said what was that like for you afraid and he said no, really, really sign hooked and I said okay tell me what happened. He said I was not able to sleep everybody else was asleep and I felt a hand on my shoulder and God said to me this Reese I want to spend the rest of your life. Now you may hear that and think. I don't think that really happened that that kid heard from God and that's fine, but forgive me. I'm his grandma and I believe it and I knew that that was something that God would have said to every one of our children absolutely want you to love Jesus for the rest of your life to get the message through to the generations behind SMS like a definition of resilient it is. You know it's a long journey with Christ to the variant as well as in here that you know they are picked up, even at lunch with you as you are excited about the future and again I been in pastoral ministry 30 years and I don't sense a lot of excitement even from most leaders in the church world about the future.

It's like oh my goodness. The cultures taken over, and I don't sense any that with you. I think that's what makes this unique really done a pretty good job articulating Mycroft feeling everyone's feeling like a lot of change in the culture is change what bough is describing here is optimistic. It's hopeful. It's distinctly unique and the reason it is is because this is about something that every church and every parent can do to come alongside of their kids. I could out to stuff. Sometimes I put on my pastor my cat is the pastor and sometimes Pastor Mike comes out. This was a time without suffering blog voice but I also think we have to be very aware of the fact that God actually wants us more than we do so any optimism that we have will inevitably fail or fall short. It was just only solely based on on us and I know that you guys have well-meaning high functioning leaders that listen to these episodes and get charged up and challenged right but at the same time we have to realize and and be firmly aware of the fact that God has a plan, a that's the local church its influence in the home its influence in the community and he wants us more than we do. All of us collectively. He wants it more than that.

So why would we have to fear the point of paralysis.

As we look out onto the reality that we face is pretty cool when you were when we were having lunch together. You know, you think about the culture which we've done a great job defining and you open the book, sort of. With that you can get discouraged until you step back and go. So it's got to answer that family, the church, and you tell this because I was. It was great when you set it at lunch where you had a staff meeting and you ask your mother to tell their story to tell that because that's hopeful so anybody can come and do what we just did relate a lot of very discouraging statistics and sometimes it stops there and hope that you hear us say we not stopping there. We are very very excited about the vision and the way God's put some flesh on it and experiences he put us through to get us here and one of them is this one of these first meetings that my staff had after I had come on board and met Mark and said he had this great idea for programming. He said let's go around the table and talk about our childhoods that was your idea that sir all right.

He's a genius where you like envisioning where this could go are you just thrown out of court, through we want to build trust his trust trust can be built-in of one of our environment or vulnerability consent you if we went around this table only started with Mike. What would Mike have said, I read actually eulogy I prepared right away. I think a couple years prior I mean for you to be vulnerable is just do the thing like what were you Moses go in and go at it.

I was honest, yet honoring with my father and the reality of my childhood.

However, the part of my story, and all of our stories together was affected. No matter how traumatic or awful, or just almost nauseatingly bad that childhood experience would have been, and everybody had a story of pain. There was always a church there were always leaders. I'm sure you guys have them in to write and then probably the people listening have them as well.

Individuals who you remember from your childhood and your use. You may not remember sermons sure none of us probably remember the sermon that we heard two weeks ago, let alone 20 years ago. Right now Mike, I remember everyone is to critique them all so you know 99.999% of us, but that being said I'm sure almost 100% of us can recall a Miss Sally or Mr. Dave or or you know whomever might be in our lives who played a pivotal role in introducing us or walking alongside us in a relationship with Christ. So she went around that was the story of everybody that you would that look like for you one of my earliest memories is the day that my dad left home mom sitting on the floor. My brother whose five years older than me is, towering over me, so I am facing the door. My parents didn't have the foresight to close the door in my bedroom.

Helen, are you up for three my dad is walking back and forth, screaming, yelling just emotional violence is that day was traumatic, icy cardboard boxes leaving the house to see coat hangers hanging over his arm and my brother being eight had the vision and foresight to distract me with the Disney Golden books, you know I'm no PR for Bambi and he's doing anything he can to capture my attention were brave little eight-year-old he was euro. That's kinda set the tone for decades to follow. But fast forward to those teenage years were by that point in time the names that were attached to me the eye. The identities attached to me were divorce and child support and custody, but the church was giving me a new name. You know the Nancy, the pastor's wife would write me card handwritten cards and say your encourager your leader here give the gift of mercy for speaking identity. Yes, she's speaking, she's helping me to look forward and see a different pathway that I've not seen before.

For myself, but between Nancy and the pastor and the youth pastor and a deacon also know these people are pouring into me. I've got hope in the future. My parents did the right thing by the way my mom I said that that got me to church and at the church I got access to this broader loving community. Valerie nailed it with the wording, but there was a church I heard 20 stories like that night and I said what the group is brought together all of us so broken, his children, we understand that children go through all of us healed by Christ through the church and sometimes if I have a chance to talk to people about the resilient book. I say actually you. This is a love letter to the church because the church has the power to heal it. Still, the church has the power to make things be in perspective the path the church has the power to continue to do reading spiritual dreams for its children and sometimes they say when we stop dreaming when would we become so discouraged dreams for these generations anymore.

You know, we don't have us that God is let go of them are given up on them and so that night.

You know it was just so very clear that this movement that was starting was not about one. But it was about the church and whatever we could do to come alongside and envision strength and in power and love on the church we were there to do it. I think about your listeners have been blessed to my whole adulthood.

I've been listening to this podcast, broadcasts, and how how many of them out there.

Maybe have a similar experience like as an adult. They had access to tools and resources like family life today there there raising their kids are discipling their kids.

But do we have the vision as Valerie just insinuated to lift our eyes and look throughout our church congregation and identifies some of these other kids that may not be getting them that at home. How can we be the loving caring adult engaging them and discipling the fifth.

If those four people would've done that for me. Where would I be and met it didn't take much for you right. I mean, it took just a word of encouragement and showing up just a consistent presence yeah the truth is a meaningless. We listen to you and I hope our listeners are incursions.

Well, as I'm encouraged not hopeless, hopeful pumps, the culture still where it is but the family and the church and the family sort of a microcosm of what the church can be unity and we just heard a couple stories here of divorce including mine. And yet, my mom, God bless her soul as a single mom in the 60s when there are very few single moms got me to the church. You know he will. My little brother died within a few months of divorce shows up at our house.

Rev. Ashton knows first name, but he was that representative of Christ from the church that got my mom through and got me a little boy through and that's why think were here today, resilient say to Dave, as we look at our homes and we look at the kids are the grandkids that are around us. These are just the scared little kids neither future men and women who are world changers and the enemy Satan is trying to get us so defeated by how can we impact the world there under our roof. These kids have the ability and the gifts got not surprised our culture. God wants to use the kids and we have this incredible opportunity to get on our knees before God and to God. We can't do it.

Apart from you, but with you all things forgotten something that Tim Kimball said in the art of parenting video series family life. You said when a mom of the dead know how long a child is going to live that changes the way they parent the child.

Tim goes on to say, I know how long every child the road forever. When we have eternity and focus, and were thinking about our kids in light of eternity. It does change the strategy we employ as parents and the strategy the churches should be using to connect with kids. They will and will so the been talking the data Valerie Bell about markings and my Candler. They are the co-authors of a book called resilient child discipleship and the fearless future of the church. We got copies of the book our family life to the resource Center.

This is good not just for church leaders. This is a great book for moms and dads to be thinking strategically about how we disciple our sons and daughters. You can go online to family life to the.com to get a copy of the book resilient in our website is family life to a.com or you can call 800-358-6329. Order your copy. That's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today.

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