A Wynter Memorial

If you could pick any movie to go to the what genre movie would you go to okay this is going to sound crazy think you arty know this, that either a movie about war and white which is weird for a woman or who can pass up a great love story.

It is strange is not strange that you love like guy movies were there's a conflict will, there's a great leader and the people you married one is welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most kind and Wilson and Andre Wilson and you can find us@familylifetoday.com or on our family life. This is family life today. I love a love story as much is anything it ever go to and today were going to enter into a love story a great love story great love stories usually have some sort of angst in and working to discover that today as well so we have Jonathan Pitts with us today. Welcome to family today. Jonathan's good to be back with the guard with the snow was it two years ago for little more than two years. In February 2019 okay yeah I think our first month or so of doing hosting with Bob Levine for family today so we were brand-new and your love story was it's remarkable.

Now you have a book about it called my winter season and will explain what winter means it's spelled a little different than you would think for the season. Seeing God's faithfulness in the shadow of grief.

I know your Nashville you're with the church of the city there been an executive pastor there in an earlier different role now, but my daughter's fourth quarter, OSHA 1714 twins are 11 players busy busy busy world all girl whom lots of estrogen interesting little tidbit that I know a lot of you have watched the war room and the daughter in that movie to Priscilla Shire wise your oldest daughter, Alida Pitts played Daniel Jordan, I think her name was a great euro 28. You don't even like the non-Christian critics is what they were like trust Christian film they could not trust my daughter was so fun to read my column is awesome but just something about who she actually was a girl that she was actually able to play into the role just made her character really authentic and real really beautiful. She can't play like this.

Have your girl impacted by her parents marriage or culture.

Marriage and store fencing will review this is actually one of my favorite movies and I have recommended it to so many people, especially people that are struggling and maybe really struggling to see if there's hope left so much that you and again I'm the guy is pretty critical but movies I don't know if we are in fact we go to so many movies at least freak over the people. My church would literally text us for our review and war room.

I'm not kidding.

I even texted Michael Junior and said to you can ask for me please Ella your cousin with incredible as well – actually, I think she could have a whole career she could have multiple films they'll be a whole career. Justin film alone. She's talented could fill the whole season to go go mall some time to talk about that because were not here really talk. Although we just gave a nice plug.

You know, but my winter season is spelled WY and TER tells the story for some of our listeners do not know will all just start by saying in September 2001 my winter season began. I met a young lady named winter Daniel Evans what form of with in college or other forget-me-not party was right after 9/11 happened and I was at this party or my college campus just to, but a little bit life back and I would meet her on the porch at this party, that neither was speaking happily with her I would get her number and never call her and she walked up to on campus you spunky girl and she said why would you call me you know so couple days later I called her when her first date, which was monsters Inc. movie. They were very original one and animated toy. I mean like a kids movie guy because I am new was coming out was the one with the jazz is so small you. I like watching himself as a first date we get engaged for some months would be engaged for your and got married to each of the resident college we would have her first daughter Alina just talking about having our wife would take us to Texas we went to visit winter's uncle who happen to be pastor churchgoing Tony Evans who lauded listeners will know I know I do turn Evans was, you really did not know I do. My mom and her moderator before but I did know I didn't really realize ceramic a small village in Texas. Anyways, as a pastor of a church that is massive about your faith back then. Like, what, where were you initially and winter to I think winter I met each other at a place and time were actually God would use us to grow each other up because we were both grew up in Christian homes believed in God deeply emerges walking and I guess I'd say, lukewarm, place, and God would use each of us to come and draw each other back to him and challenge each other which we would do for the rest of our lives together. So we went to Dallas on vacation and would never come back because winter was a great writer doctor was looking for great writer. I was in pharmaceutical sales by company downsized, which gave me an opportunity think about what's next and also we would move to Dallas, women are prayer against our families better wishes the rest of her family and would end up being in Dallas for 14 years should work as a great writer for couple years there she was. Her ministry couple girls like you, a magazine for twin girls in this whole long story that I would end up being a minister with Evans as I would be if the Evans juniors manager for seven years hard run. Dark turn Evans national ministry for seven years and would spend 14 years in the Evans Brenda ministry: which was run her ministry were starting to stuff together right together and garbage give us ministry earlier last five years of marriage with the story about our last five years of marriage would be spent doing ministry together would run a parenting book together, we write a marriage book together and really early on in 2018 felt like I was, calling us into new season item opportunity to pastor Nashville at church in the city and so together would accept that role.

Together we would buy her home in Franklin Tennessee in the sea. July 10 of 2018 and then the girls were old-school we go back to Dallas and it was back in Dallas for last week there were last week of work that winter would in her cousin Priscilla Shire's coming ministry.

Space comingwere staying should breathe your last breath should have a heart travel hurt this with me and this woman who I literally had been marriage with that .15 years and 27 days were 27 days customer 15 anniversary would pass with my arms just would try to save her life and most dramatic experience my life. Hopefully will always be that and traumatic for my girls as well, and I'm just try to tell the story in the preview cutaway here, but ultimately would continue on that I would bury winter in Dallas and we would want to Nashville.

So for the last three years I will have been single dad and it was my girls try to get them through their grief get in Microsoft and mine.

I would say at this point were shoulders will ever be is always good to be a part of us that live that experience involve lost my first wife and my girls will foster mom and several eyes about grief is it never really fully goes, what with each new life thing. There's always some implication based on where you've been highlighted specially think that's true based on your girls after getting older and you're hitting milestones like winter would've loved to seen several escrow just turned 17 big milestone and probably the hardest thing about that for hers.

Her mama been there for that will take us back to that time because when we had you a couple years ago you had just finished a book with winter about marriage. I was actually with you guys. Six months after she passed away. What's crazy is it was that soon the other day that she passed away was a Tuesday of my last week of work at the urban alternative with Dr. Evans and the last thing I did before leaving that office was a sure sign the final edited manuscript of her marriage book and would email that on course for signature and emailed on to her publisher.

I would go home from there she passed away my arms and what I would realize is that book would actually become kind of a time capsule of our life together or marriage together and so we actually publish the book 6 months after she passed away from me. Yet just a time capsule reminder of how good God is to give us good things you know you thing about Job and the Lord gives or takes away.

Blessed be the name of the Lord like I've really tried to have that her postural this time turning that book and was just a reminder to me of God is good, got plans, you don't know what it was pleasure look like it is always good hearing from you because how it was winter, 38, 60, 38, four young girls.

I'm sure that there is a part of you that thought Lord what you dealing you get through that I really didn't have a lot of that. Not because I didn't like wonder what God was doing but I'm telling you look from the very beginning felt that he does is for everybody but for me that's what the subject of the book is seeing God's faithfulness in the shadow of brief God was literally open my eyes to things that he was doing that were just so big and so immense in terms of his goodness. Even in the middle of the hardest of my life. And so even turning that book and that there was a coincidence my mind that the day that she died ice on the final dimension of the book and turned it in there. There's no coincidence that we were just moved out of her home sold her home left literally this life that we built together this life that we had to go to a new place. It was like I was like I'm putting on a new journey. It's going to be different. The book is really packed with story after story of me seeing how good and kind.

God was in the middle of the hardest season of my life.

Some of us to never forget the day before Winters funeral is Friday and I was in state my brother-in-law's house. I just couldn't go back to the house she passed away in his were my brother was also brother's house had just moved to the list he had moved to Dallas from Baltimore with a group together 2 1/2 years before she passed and felt like the Holy Spirit told them to move to Dallas.

He did have a job well. He literally quits his job in the day he goes in the quit his job gets told that he's being let go and get a severance package so if I can't draw them Dallas and spend a little over two years with my brother-in-law.

My sister-in-law who really was a good father to her because her dad was a drug addict and he was five years older, she became a father figure in a way, my best friends and a brother to me now and turn of the story. OSHA told him at his house and I'm just overwhelmed. All these people in the home it's hot Texas day.

I'm just feeling like solid from suffocating so I go out of the house and sadly it's 107° outside since July in Texas as I get outside and I can't find that he shakes his a lot of trees as property and so I kneel double up beside a fence just trying to get some peace and I turn on mice modified in the first inkling is this little music piece called moving on to Stephen for talking about Jacob. It's as Jacob buried Rachel, she set a memorial and then he moved on. That's what you listen to further that they were probably very winter and he basically talking about this idea of Jacob buried Rachel. This woman he loved, she said tomorrow he didn't forget what he marked her tomb. He marked that spot never to forget, and then he moved on, but he moved on to the place to go to a place to get us on the got a plan and so he moved on because it was purpose in his next steps and I'm telling you that moment I was with the Holy Spirit was telling me like you do the same things of the plan for you.

These girls were place to get to, you know, I took winter, you know, I took Rachel but ultimately I got a good plan in your to go to that place and so it just was like this moment of just being like I just give you this massive I mean how many stories are there like an like that in the Bible and how many preachers are preachers on the stories you known to use that you must modify and so I would put that thing over and over again the next several months and just know that God had a plan in sadly that plan for me started with the just like anybody else with a bunch of grief in the bunch unknown bunch of darkness and all things walk-through when you lose a loved one, especially when that close.

It was really for me it wasn't really a lot of anger on didn't really ever have a lot of anger but I was gripped with fear and it was hard for me to sleep at night and just even think about is a husband like you lose your wife and that the woman that you're protecting all the sudden you leave the hospital newly for body to go to them in a mortgage is just really it can be really dark and so that was really dark for me and you have for toddlers so you gotta take care of and like you can't too long but I do. I say this as I hear that moment. With that that message, you know, for many times we go through really really hard things. Here's here's the questions I think we have got DC.

Do you know are you here you care and again for a listener is listen right now is going through some dark valley. It's a reminder. Yes, he does see he does know he is with you. He is there. It's almost like instead of asking God. Do you see we should be asking ourselves, do we see ethic about Philippians 4 it's been really impactful my life recently, both looking for a pulse is whatever is true of his right, whatever is honorable, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable. It was excellent. Think about these things when and before that, he says rejoice in the Lord always again I say rejoice and he goes on to say that and Paul's in prison writing to a persecuted church telling them to see what's true and right and pure and honorable lovely and excellent and he saying that because he knows those things are there any spatially asking them the question.

Do you see what is actually there. Like, if nothing else. My stories been one of God somehow helping me to see a bunch of big things. It's not there actually so big to be an idiot not to see them, but maybe somebody else can actually even be encouraged to look for those things because they were really evident my life. But God is always moving first children. He's always moving. He's always encouraging. There's always a reality beyond the reality. Dr. Evans always says if all you see is what you see you'll never see all there is to be seen, like Ken, how do you see beyond what you see from you guys made it really clear and equally evident even in my loss and that's Paul's encouragement off.

Lexi was actually true so that the truth is suppressed away, which was really hard for me but the hardest day of my life was actually the most glorious day of hers. The only truth I see as I lost my loved one, democracy, the full truth, when in reality to be absent from the bodies be present with the Lord lift up a process for scope, that's actually part of the reality that a lot more beauty that day that I could see if I didn't actually see the full picture and I think I'm not try to make light of loss because it was the hardest day.

My wife is your life hardest with my life. Hardest moment of my life hers parenting journey of going through so far I'm not making light of and understand that God is actually there in the middle.

It's a passage we grieve it we don't agree with that.

Only the eyes of others grieve without hope you still have hope where my daughters were they able to see any of the kind of things you're talking about. It's funny, they're all differently, all experience grief different to me asked think the hardest thing for me to do in my grief is this type a driven pentagram three pastor does allow my grocers to be themselves, as I found out probably eight months. They'll tell the story because she's told before my oldest daughter, eight months into her grieving journey nine months in them walk up the stairs my house and she's in her bedroom is a quiet girl and she's laid in the bed is everything okay and she said you should want to talk and so I just walked in the bedroom like was going on and she's like I don't really want talk and I just kept pressing the Precedent and eventually she just opens up and she says really vulnerable. She says dad have a hard time believing God is real and if Israel had a hard time believing that is good and you would've thought the way that I reacted that she was trying to make a personal indictment of me because what I did is took what she said to me that about how good of the data might be that my daughter could question God's goodness and God's reality and it was actually the first rumor I realized I didn't really have this terminology until probably a month before. Just because in counseling to the grief as I had like a cut of codependent relation with my girls were if they're happy, I'm happy if they're sad I'm sad and I could let them be who they are because that would impact I feel about myself and just leave them without having the managed how they feel and so is it dad the thing I've had to do is just let my girls my girls trust that God's got them, pray for them deeply, but also allowed in the process that will process differently. My oldest daughter and she said this as well with a lot of these together so she do I feel sick talking about what she'd done with a lot of anger like anger. I never had. She was really anger me. She lost her mom's would have her best friend at the which was on the root were reset with her and did here for her and Priscilla. They spent lots out there were three books together. They traveled and toured together. After all, that last line of investment effect, we can before Richard died they were doing a mom daughter conference together, so shall anger but was truly beautiful for me is a couple weeks ago were doing the interview and I talk a lot about worship that the call had was worship in the hardest times as worship God in the person interviewing asked like Alida did you worship what your dad you like.

No, I couldn't but she said because he did and I watched him on Alcan, which was a massive like I didn't realize the impact in the you know in those moments, those who lose my daughter like that.

My daughter was that he got for the rest of her life and all the different fears we can have his parents and ultimately there's this quote by a psychologist.

His name is Kurt Thompson.

Kurt says to the degree that a parent makes sense of their own story will be to the degree that a child can feel secure in theirs. And so in that moment, the worshipful Melissa had about worship God by saying that show of wrath and known entirely pro rata praise for the praise that show a breath and normal lungs. I can sing really great. You will be created. You and I saying that in her ear as she is known as emergency room that they basically said hey we had a pulsatile having should come say goodbye and so I sang that barrier. We think a good father. As I told my girls about the fact the moment of Jesus and that night, my brother-in-law's house we sing a bunch of so I know what to say switch worshiped and that's literally all it had like in the hardest was her life had worship and so for me finding out later that me owning my story with that look like with me just worshiping God, but I didn't understand this. What Job did, comparing myself to Joe but like the reality is judge of God takes away. We don't understand what he gives when understanding takes away but we better worship them both because he's the author of both of those things and so we worshiped and I'm just really grateful that I didn't know it then, but that that did make a difference in my daughter's life and she can worship now and the joy that she's finding that even the time she feels guilty for finding it only has a daughter who's having to move into a new season of life but they've all grieved really differently and they all grieve differently still noticeably cute on what it be birthdays or holidays. You just don't know what to expect and what I've decided now is whatever it is I'm discussing it with them and that's really compassion you just sit with someone else there pain now fixed that with me in mind it is interesting in it to think about what you just shared it. I think we can miss. This is like you know of someone struggle and maybe your daughter somebody and their struggle with the goodness of God.

We often think I need to teach theology I need to show them Scripture. I need to make a case that he is still good. Here it is. And yet when hit your daughter was her dad worshiping the God she wasn't sure was good. Just why me and again I could talk about the power of worship.

There's something beyond the spoken word is the motive it's the feelings are involved. Maybe the bodies of, I mean I don't know that when he and sister died. We talked about this recently. We would worship at church and just ball you know you feel that's amazing that your daughter is watching that and that's what she points to say this is what brought me back watching dad worship and yet Dave I was thinking so often, especially as our kids get older, we want to have all the right words to want to have all the right theology. We want to have all the right discussions and sometimes all it takes is us living in Nam. Watching us love God, love others, and worship.

I know I asked one of our kids when time like do you remember anything I taught you biblically because not really so depressing because that what I do remember is I remember watching you cry and have your hands lifted up and worship. I remember watching you on your knees on the deck worshiping mojitos. Those are the things I remember and he said I remember to think and cry he said I remember thinking, whenever she has. I want and that's what I'm matching with your curls whenever you have dad, it's getting you through and we want to. That little yellow ahead. That's all we ever had. All we have is that you won't worship right there. Dr. Evans is the symptom Leslie defined worship is basically just acknowledging and celebrating who God is. Even we don't understand and it is always even singing that I would just say to the listener, who struggle right now worship God if he can't even sing out the words or speak and listen to it just feels shut out the world put on a worship tape whatever and just say God I'm gonna worship you, even when it's really hard because it changes something in us.

Love might be the greatest sections that it allowed Jonathan as you were saying earlier to look for God. He saw him, we can really be looking for God, even hardest moments I think about the response of Job in the middle of his trials and his tragedies, he was the one who turned and said, ultimately blessed be the name of the Lord even in the midst of the grief and the sorrow he did what they Wilson was talking about.

There he praised God. We been hearing today from Jonathan Pitts describing the season that God has brought him through and is still bringing him through the season after the loss of his wife winter. In fact, Jonathan calls this his winter season and it's a reflection on going through a season of loss and of grief we got Jonathan's book available on our family life today resource Center. You may know someone who is in a similar season.

Jonathan's book would be a help would be an encouragement you may want to get it and give it as a gift to share it with them. We've got copies in our family like today resource Center order it from us online@familylifetoa.com or call to order one 800, FL, today is the number again. The book by Jonathan Pitts is called my winter season and all you can order it from us@familylifetoa.com or call 1-800-358-6329 to order one 800 F as in family L as in like them in the word today. I know it would not be surprising for many of you to know that a program like the one we listen to today.

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This week Matt and Lisa Jacobson have written books on ways that we can express love to our children 100 ways to love our sons in 100 ways to love our daughters will send you their books as our way of saying thank you for your partnership with us in the ministry of family like today. You can donate online@familyliketo.com or call one 800 FL today to donate and we look forward to hearing from you. We also hope you can join us again tomorrow when working here. Among other things, about how Jonathan Pitts church came around him and help him during his what he calls his winter season when his wife passed away into them for that.

On behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on Bob Lapine C back next time for another edition of family life today family like today is a production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most