Real Love: Never Giving Up

We've all heard the expression when the going gets tough the tough get going, doesn't mean the check out doesn't mean they leave just the opposite.

The Bible says love is tenacious love never lets go.

This is family life today. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson and Bob Lapine can find us online@familylifetoday.com what is it take to cultivate tenacity in a marriage relationship.

How do we bear all things, and endure all things's leave all things and keep hoping even when things get tough talk more about that today.

Stay with us and welcome to family life to. Thanks for joining us to put the menu together done the shopping for this, but I'm excited about the cooking together thing.

That's 2020 2022. Okay. If a man with the do it in 2021 were doing it bleed. I'm actually going to be so yeah you're gonna be in Ohio I will be teaching at a church in Ohio were doing, we can conference on the Valentine first one didn't really have romantic time you've done this before, though right you been out on Valentines weekend where the two and 10 are usually gone data so we have to postpone we have to make up for Valentine's Day on another lifestyle oriented to Marianne to make sure that Bob does re-up on the day after the look after at the Lapine house every day is Valentine's Day. I hope that our listeners are making some kind of plans for this weekend.

I'm think about those who have been stressed to those who have maybe found themselves in isolation like you cannot yeah so what you do if Valentine's Day is coming and you just are not a great place in your marriage how you deal with that. I like what you really say in your teaching that you go back like in Revelation, you go back and do the things you use to you once did that Revelation chapter 2 the church at Ephesus that had lost its first love repent and do things you did first and don't you think if a husband or wife came to one another and said look I know when a tough place right now and we we don't like each other right now and I just wanted to dance with you in the kitchen.

I was thinking maybe get an idea tell me I'm thinking maybe you just say maybe we could have dinner this weekend.

Let's talk about. We need to unpack. Maybe we could take some steps forward. Maybe some of our listeners got the dates to remember box and the due date one on Valentines weekend, but find up a couple of questions that can take you into the beginning stages of trying to unlock some of which got locked up around think sometimes you hear that you just there's this big sigh. I don't even know how to do that. Quick questions.

So maybe another idea could be made you to share a couple things you appreciate about a 10 can be really healing Thomas a bomb and if you're a place where even saying that the one another feels awkward right down yeah put a note say again acknowledge that you're in a tough spot but say I've been thinking about things I appreciate about you and I just want you to know I do appreciate these things and I want to try to spend some time today reflecting on what the Bible has to say about love.

One of the things it says is that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

You could say it this way.

Love is tenacious, it does not let go.

In fact for all of us in marriage.

There are times when we have to hang on and just get through it and still keep breathing and I think the Bible says that's what love does it bears believes hopes and endures and so were to hear a session today from the love like you minute video series. This is actually session number nine of the 10 sessions and we talk about those four aspects of love in this session we actually begin with the some of the couples were involved in helping with this series. We asked them if there were any honeymoon failed stories and a shirt. If you with this one really get high-tech Lapine ran a camera with will seating the pictures with the other camera and realized after our first week she was devastated. Yes, we both do. We went to Mazatlan, Mexico wait outside patio.

It was just human it up in the next day we woke up sick, high fevers and decided we had to cut short when you have we had a choice to go to honeymoon and move back when I'm or take the money and move into our own apartment. We took the money move into was not so we did time in Jamaica where I brought it to pool and he wanted us all to hold hand jump backwards into this pool and beautiful moment. We just finished climbing the whole thing and couples went on ahead of us and it was RJ and the guy that I was not go back to is when I went and fell. There is a well-known quote from Sir Winston Churchill who course was the prime minister in Great Britain during World War II. Early in his political career he made the statement that a bulldog's nose is slanted so that the bulldog can continue to breathe without ever letting go bulldog attaches itself to something it can keep breathing as its nose is slanted back and never lets go. There's a connection between a bulldog and the Bible's definition Bible's description of love, because the Bible says that real love doesn't let go.

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things real love never lets go. So when your spouse is bearing the burden you bear with them because love bears all things, when your spouse has lost confidence or is starting to become discouraged. You leave with them.

You believe a long time.

You believe for them. In some cases when your spouse lost hope you bring hope to the equation. You bring the hope they need you. Hope all things, and when things get hard for both of you. You don't give up love endures all things. It stays connected and stays committed basketball consumed a lot of pain and there was a time because I did not make an I went through a bout with depression and never gave up on this, you would push to get up to something more for me in the relationship anything.

There were times when I felt like I wasn't good enough. Why he would always come back and reaffirm that are you are you are awesome.

There was many times where I wanted to quit. I wanted to give just couldn't live up to certain expectations withers from other people of myself and just wanted to give up numerous times where I even felt suicidal and I shared that with you but she just would get over me and pray over me encouragement and sometimes that was what got me through to the next day going through a little depression recently and she told me to get the doctor and get something done about it and life is change.

I was experiencing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks and so there were times when I think I was taken on too much and he was there for me and help me slow down to heal overcome last year a lot of different things in my own life changed just kind of one after another and it was really hard. I felt like everything is upside down like when I doing with my life. All in one continually reminded. This is like on your whole purpose or purposes. The Christ reflect 10 and I'm thankful that I'm representing setting a marriage relationship is to be setting up tenacity. The setting where we say I'm not going anywhere. I'm here with you, not just I'm stuck.

But I am in this with you to help us get to a better place than where we are today to help us get through a difficult season. I will bear this with you believe this with you and pour you out all hope together with you and I will endure with you working get the other side. Love is tenacious and and things will get hard in a marriage relationship.

You already made the decision to be tenacious and to stay with even when things do get hard and I know in a marriage there can be times when it's it's hard to stay committed. It's hard to endure.

It's hard to bear another person's burden because things have gotten tough, but we were bearing with one another. Here's what were saying when the weight gets heavy on either one of us. Our job is to bear that together here. If you are collapsing under the weight if the weight is causing you to crash my job is to get under that weight with you and help bear it with you so that you're not bearing it alone in marriage.

We bear all things together we bear one another's burdens.

The Bible says in Galatians 6 verse two so bearing all things means I'm not going to bring shame or proof. I'm not abandon you when you're facing a hard time I'm to be here with you as your co-laborer in life. One author says what the Bible saying here what it says. Love bears all things, is love knows when to keep it's much, sometimes bearing all things means I'm just going to be here with you in the midst of this and sit here and help you as your under the pile. I'm not good to be one is criticizing or complaining or walking away and then… Were to endure all things together.

That's actually a military term enduring means to stand fast in battle when there's an onslaught when the opposing army is coming in your direction. You stand for.

That's what it means to endure all things were saying in marriage to stand as allies and were going to endure whatever comes at us and will stand firm together in order to recognize our spouses not our enemy that there is an enemy wants to destroy our marriage. It's not our spouse. We endure all things, because together were allies in the spiritual battle that we face in a marriage relationship. Love bears all things, and endures all things. Let's also talk about coping and believing because I think these are important as well is not saying we should live in a I love the fantasy where we just we little pie-in-the-sky. Nothing is ever wrong and we just always hopeful and always positive. No, the Bible wants us to live in reality but in the midst of the reality were living in.

He wants us to lean in the direction of believing the best about another person and having hope for the future because the other direction is to believe the worst about somebody else and have no hope for the future and love will not thrive if your believing the worst about somebody and you have no hope for the future so believing and hoping says again.

My default settings in marriage are to be that when we face tough times and obstacles we face reality. My default is believe the best about you believe the best about the circumstances and I would have hope for our future.

Even in the midst of this reality, and ultimately more saying is, I believe that God is still here and can still work no matter what we're facing. God can take the ashes that are in front of us, the reality of of these actions and he can make beauty out of these things. We believe that we hope because we believe in a God of hope in a God who is a God who brings beauty from passions yeah I had worked for the same company for about 20 years.

The team in one day and decided to get rid of our entire department went down the row one by one, laying off people. I was actually the last person the laid off. That started four year long journey. I remember I was at bed Bath and beyond. It was December 5 and I was about to buy his birthday present he called me and I just walked out the store and just sat in the car and cried that I was definitely one of those moments in our marriage where it was. It was very fine everybody else might got jobs within the first month, but I was convinced that God wanted me to move in a different direction and so he went and registered himself for 66 courses to start school. So at that point our roles became very reversed and that created a lot of conflict in our house.

So far for that time I had the only income so our income drop by 90%. Now with that load at school. I was having 20 minute break to sit with the family for a quick meal and then I'll go back down into the basement and continue studying continue writing papers, staying up all night long and it was it was hard.

It was exhausting it was years of Nazi much ultimately I find a place find position and where were good. It's like answer to prayer. This is it work were going to move full steam ahead on this, but it required us moving. So at the end of this long period of our marriage being on autopilot. We suddenly leave everything that we know all of our support system over friends are home now were in place and we were just lost or broken. We have a lot of repair work to do that through me into a crazy depression so as much as I tried to be. Therefore, I can't help them transition well I was just not there emotionally for them so kind as we had to step it up and be the emotional parent to to our kids but we could sense that we were getting more isolated and more things that she didn't want to put on me because she felt like I was going through a lot in the things I did want to put on her because she was going through a lot in that just meant that we were sharing and talking to each other handling things alone. Things really came to a head.

I suppose we can retreat just apologizing to me because he felt like he left me behind that I guess was the turning point for you. Thanks. He was hearing me. He was sitting she was going through stuff, but I didn't realize how badly she needed me to fight for the lessons that we learned is that we can no matter how busy things get, we have to have time for each other and very sharing sharing really going to be hurtful, but just to saying this is what's going on and keep in mind what the Bible says were to bear all we don't have to do that long in the Bible is given us a family. The body of Christ.

The local church is a place where together we can bear our challenges in marriage and life. In fact, one of the lessons I've learned throughout my marriage is that my marriage is always better when Marianna and I are engaged with other couples when we're doing life together with other couples were able to be honest and transparent with other couples about the challenges we faced in marriage and parenting marriage is not intended to be a solo sport or even just a couple being together on their own, bearing one another's burdens needs. We bear them together as husband and wife but we enlarge the circle at some point and lean on the whole body of Christ to help us in the challenges we face. I recognize that in most marriages. One person is probably more optimistic or more positive the other person's probably more negative. But my wife likes to say that I'm optimistic and she's realistic well when we recognize that these things are true about us. Then we have to save if you're not the most, you probably need to remember that there is a reality. That's gotta be faced here and let's not just gloss over the real situation, but to embrace the reality that's in front of us. Let's let's step in and love reality, but even if you lean in the direction of being the realist. You're also prone to cynicism your prone to discouragement.

This is where you need to lean in the direction of believing and hoping you need to come back to the fact that there is a God who cares about you and who is made promises to you and he has the power to redeem the situation. Whatever it is love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things are powerful description of love and just think about in a marriage.

When we are bearing the weight together when we are believing together for one another with one another when we both have a hope for where our marriage can be for God's taking us and when we are enduring as we face obstacles and challenges and seasons of suffering. Love will thrive in that environment. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. What about you listening to section 9 from the love like you minute video series, talking about how real love sometimes what it looks like is just not let go.

Just hanging in when things get tough.

Sam I'm not going anywhere. What a great message to hear, even before you get married. I never heard anything like that. If this is what true love looks like. Even though I think we had first Corinthians 13 read in our wedding but you don't really understand the words. Like, and you don't understand how you're going to need bulldog tenacity. When I get tired I never forget most everybody knows my story my dad leaving on it when I was seven. So mom and ever divorced when I was little kid. He comes up to visit me in Detroit when I was probably in my 40s I pick him up at the airport or driving to a band rehearsal that I'm going to be playing guitar at and he said drummer so awareness conversation about music and you never talked my dad about this, but I remember asking him I'm driving. I look over and I say daddy ever regret the divorce and before I can finish the sentence he says blank yes like visceral like emotional and I'm like really why he's like biggest mistake of my life I missed out on you and I could I could tell in his words is like. I wish I would try harder. I wish I would've held on and made it work and again you know it was very difficult, but you could feel in his regret.

I wish I would've borne all things I wish I would've endured to the very end it on. I never expected to hear that from him but it was right there in front of me and I know we have folks listing to feel some of that shame and I regret who are maybe a blended family today and that the word they need to hear is that God can restore God can heal God can bring beauty from ashes. There may be that regret but that doesn't mean God is done or that he can't turn things around in in your marriage in your life in your family can bring healing to that moment.

And there's always hope now, of course, our hope is that couples will dive deep into what the Bible has to say about real love and do it with other couples because we really think marriages grow best they do best when we're doing life in community. When we got other people who can bear the load along with us and other people who can say we struggle with that two men were looking for help and hope we put together this new video series called love like you mean it, and our goal with this series is that couples will get with other couples online if that's how you still need to do that or getting together in small groups if that works where you are.

Love like you minute video series is now available. You can get more information see some clips from the series go to family life to a.com and the information is available there.

Again, the series is called love like you mean it works for small groups or for Sunday school or if you just want to go through together as a couple you can do that as well find out information about the series and about the book love like you mean it when you go to our website. Family life to a.com. If you don't have a copy of the book yet you can order it from us again. Family life to a.com is the website or call to order the video series or the book. Call one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today, not tomorrow morning talk about what we do when we just feel like we are out of luck.

Like there's nothing left. Supply is gone. Just don't have it anymore. Bible speaks to that and we'll talk about that tomorrow.

Hope you can tune in and be with us for that think our engineer today. Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our hosts David and Wilson on Bob team C back next time for another edition of family life, family life, to a is the production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas crew ministry help for today hope for tomorrow