Measuring Up

Part of the reason so many people today are discontented with their lives is because of the culture of comparison, we live in. Here's author and podcast are Jamie IV, there's an opportunity for you to get online on your phone Instagram Facebook whatever it is they are looking at and compare yourself to a woman that you've never met, but you follow her every move and and you live in Austin and she lives in Norway. You know what I mean and so there's this connection that's false. And then we will find ourselves comparing us to it. Yes, it's worse and I think that means if it's worse then we need to know how to fight more. This is family life today. Our hosts are David and Wilson on Bob Lapine. You can find us online@familylifetoday.com how can we fight against the culture of comparison and cultivate hearts that are at peace and contented. Talk about that today with Jamie I stayed with us and welcome to family life to. Thanks for joining us. I wonder if we had a scale of 1 to 10 voice skills 1 to 10 with listeners, 10 being positive, one being negative okay and I said where would you put yourself on how you feel about yourself then being I like who I am today. I remember we were doing an interview with Josh McDowell one time famous author evangelist apologist Josh was looking back at his family of origin and he was saying there was a lot of dysfunction in my family.

My dad was an alcoholic.

My mom was obese. He said I was embarrassed by a lot of this he was reflecting on this is an adult and he was wrestling with God about the pain of all of that and it was like God said to him, white, do you like who you are today.

Joshua wrote doing so what you know how you got to be who you are today through that pain and Josh all of a sudden came to grips with that.

But if it back to the question of scale 1 to 10 yeah I want to ask you Bob forget us what your number. I have always been relatively content with who I am and who God made me to be. I been one of those people kind of frustrates my wife that that I I am you and Dave are so similar good with my life. Are you good with how your life, well that sounds so arrogant and your number is called denial. That's what it is.

My number is probably much higher now because I feel like I have finally realized this is who I am in Christ and he rates me at this because I'm his creation, but if you have asked me over the seasons and I would be low.

You never know it because I McKeever. It seems like I'm confident that I had an internal dialogue in my head that that that was probably three years and again I know soon about us but for years in our marriage. I would say to her man.

You are the most beautiful, incredible woman and she said no I'm not and I used to just like mocker could say that and then I realize she truly doesn't believe it, and she needs to hear me say it because I thought she looks in the mirror and sees how beautiful she could not see that and I think a lot of us struggle with that. Jamie IV is joining us on family life today.

Jamie welcome back. Thank you guys. Jamie is an author or a podcast or a speaker.

She's written a book called you be you and I look at the title and thought what if I don't like who I be like what if the you be you. You looking know, one yeah I am not happy with what you have you got a number on your 1 to 10 scale IQ. The older I've gotten. I'm more content with who I am.

I think that when you're in your 20s and 30s are, like I don't know who am I what a mess with today, where my hit 40 and something happens in your like I am. What was Megan Adamczyk and bring myself to the tables known pretty high. Most days, yeah most days and do you think a lot of women are wrestling with not liking who they are, I think so and I think you nailed it when he said I'm attending Christ and I think that is where a lot of it comes from. Is this trusting that God uniquely created you. This idea that if he been a church for long time, you can forget the basics that God knew you before you were formed a keen new year. He chose you.

He loves you he created you with intention he created you for a purpose and again we live in a broken world. And so a lot of this gets distorted by sand and hurt and and harming things happen in life gets crazy and people dying, people get diagnosis and is just we live in a hard world that if we go back to remember man God actually delights in you he loves you and so yes, it's a hard thing to remember that sometimes you have to tell yourself the same thing over and over again to get it yet. I think it's really really difficult for the average person, including me, I'm sure we'd all agree the think that when God looks at us in a great question is what you think God's thinking and what's his face saying and it's a smile.

You know you are created as a work about Paloma Ephesians 210 my work of art masterpiece, almost like you know some euro must remember happy days it would start with Fonzie looking in the mirror and get ready to do his heritages like I look perfect. There's nothing I got none of us yeah probably overlook Amerigo just look at me I'm awesome. We like, look at that slowly live out yet God looks and goes masterpiece and I'm passionate about this because I see so many young women that are degrading themselves and they don't see themselves as that and so having a granddaughter. I've shared this before but I remember having breakfast with her just the two of us before anyone was that Alice told her she she was four when I told her this life.

I can imagine the day that God started thinking about you and I think I can imagine being in his throne room and all the angels are there and he said okay I'm to begin creating Olive Wilson and Keith like I said, I can see him think I'm going to put into her psyche's making this creation and I'm gonna put joy and humor and give her this blonde hair and blue eyes and I kept going on and what she's like and continue to be compassionate but she can be strong and she's like this is cool and I said and came see how Dilip of what you would see all the angels and I started to clapping.

She will be Olive Wilson have great things in store for her and a plan for her and she will make a difference in the world and I'm telling you I've said this to each of our grandkids and tears what they say Nani that they coming tell me again the story of what God thought of me when he made me just read is a children's book interesting because the second half would be me who will do anything in his power to get her not to live out God put into that a Soviet means you just spoke what I've said to her, so my ties honey you have children's book really was like I was at the library is not. I thought what it's like to be told that as an adult because you said that to a four-year-old in their sitting there in their team with his childlike faith and they believe it.

No way that shooting is that I don't believe that to become exactly she took it and I think sometimes I need someone to speak that over me and I've done that women's conferences and I hold that this jar of what God created her to be in there alike. Now he did so with the wind back. But that what happens in its guys to what happens to us your title you be you are also many ago. No, no, you really don't want me to be me down if you knew what I know about me. I've got to be something different or someone else. Someone else happens you know I talked about middle school yesterday and I think if we were to go back when all it was for. She believed that with everything in her you will continue to tell her that something will happen is you will turn 12 yet and someone will make fun of her, or she'll turn 12 inch up in the cafeteria and they say you can't sit here anymore or she'll turn 15 and a boy will tell her I think you're ugly so these things happen and then we start to believe the lie over what we know to be the truth. I mean, that's called the world Senate happened in the Garden of Eden she believed a lie over what God had spoke of truth over her and so that's what happens is where having to combat this, like you said we have a real enemy who's come to kill and destroy. And tell us lies we as followers of Jesus as women we have to be willing to say. I refuse to believe that I'm going to take God's word, yeah, and I'm going to get in it. I'm going to believe it, I'm gonna write it like Jeremy said Mariah my doorpost and talk to my children would think about it when I lay down my think about it when I walk on the road and so not to be over spiritualized that it is true God gave us this whole but this love letter to us, in a sense to say look how much I love you because I spent all this effort to bring you to me to much I care for you every day there are more opportunities to forget that than to remember that and so I think we need to do a little math switch. You know, and we need have Nani and are here, whatever that might look like for you whether that your girlfriend and you say hey I'm an easy to check in on me every week and say are you believing things are true or false tenants and say here's the false things I believe you have a friend speak truth back to so your friend have the word of God, you think, and I'm looking at two women asking this question you think it's worse now. The comparison in the self identity than it was again, you don't know 50 years ago with 34 years ago because a social media different things done on one reason I'm asking. That is, you know, I'm a musician and I love music and I love worship music and I've noticed worship music in the last seven, eight, 10 years has been about identity in they've gone to the top the charts.

I'm no longer just let you know those kind of songs long ago you say it means several songs that were sitting in our churches in the last decade are probably deftly five years are at that and they've resonated with a culture again unless it is right or wrong, just you notice waves self-esteem identities always been an issue for everyone but it feels like we need to be told like never before.

Your child got your unique Psalm 139 your fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm asking to women is it worse now than you think. Ever. Maybe because a social media or not.

I think yes I think that it's always been a problem may not mention the Garden of Eden leg like all the sudden he's like okay you're telling me there's something better, some not believing what is true and here we are looking at what we think is something better on our phones versus what God is. That is true, so I don't think it's new by any means not think you're saying that right but I mean when I was in high school graduate and 96.

I didn't know what anyone was doing unless I was with them like there was no way for me to know what anybody was doing at another high school.

I even know what someone is doing the class next to me because unless you are there you didn't know, and so yes there was comparison issues there with girls of what you see. But now, I mean there's an opportunity for you to get online on your phone Instagram Facebook whatever it is they are looking at and compare yourself to a woman that you've never met, but you follow her every move in and you live in Austin and she lives in Norway.

You know what I mean and so there's this connection that's false. And then we will find ourselves comparing us to it. So I think yes it's worse and I think that means if it's worse then we need to know how to fight more gaming let's talk about that. How do we win yeah.

That comparison game.

I think that it's an offense of battle is what I think it is. And so a lot of times were trying to play defense. But for me personally. I want to play offense with my heart and so if I am very self-aware. If I'm spending a lot of hours on Instagram well when I do that. What I noticed about myself is all the sudden I don't like I'm good enough. All of a sudden, while I do think I'm fat because look at her or well I think her and her husband have an amazing life and they're always on dates and man I don't you start to say then, and if you start to evaluate every time I get off my phone. I feel worse than when I started you need to place an offense so you're saying even look at your internal dialogue.

Look at your internal dialogue. How are you feeling in these moments I heard someone say the day and I can't something about that. She was like we now are invested in people's lives that will never meet in and she was saying that is like a minister or someone laden organization. She was saying a mom in Tulsa is fully invested and a mom in San Francisco.

They have no connection will never meet, but yet she has people around her that she's not connected to. That's a problem I would say look at your internal and yourself, and how you're feeling and then Maine make some real connections because I think it is it harder for me if I don't just know you online and but I know you as a friend. It's hard for me to be jealous of you are compare myself to you when I'm a genuine cheerleader of what you're doing. Yes, when I am genuinely cheering you on. And I'm so happy for the success of your marriage and your kids in your job.

It's hard for me to then be envious because I'm so for you and so be for people in your real life. I find those girlfriends find those friends where you cannot. I know that you got that promotion and I'm still at the same job I been out for five years.

I want a promotion so bad. But I'm getting sure you want to fight that comparison battle that I'm going to cheer you on.

I discovered this in my 20s. As I we are going to seminary in California and this was in the 80s and so I was teaching at a club all these aerobic classes and all these workout things. She was good and so all the guys took her class because it was the hardest class in the club. What I realized is I was always in competition with other women and I think that the thing women compete against each other instead of locking arms with one another and being friends and so there was was one girl at the club she taught with me and she was perfect. She was beautiful. She was in shape and if SMEs cannot be like that you want them at least be me personality. This person ever and I realized I never complimented other women because they were my competition is really thing with women were in competition with one another and so we pull away from one another. And isn't that the enemy strategy. 100% because of women together are a force and so this one day she's in the locker room and no one talks to this girl because she's too perfect and she's not modest at all and so she's in the locker room and everyone sees and I like know because they feel so bad about themselves and I thought I need to win this battle because right now she's my enemy because she's my competition. The rocker principle but she's all by yourself in the near and I sent them somatic you are you so beautiful so nice sickening. Honestly, I am so impressed by you here an inspiration to me and it was amazing of how for me.

All my walls went down and she became like this beautiful friend that I had for years.

There realize like me really tried to separate it and when I talk to women. I think we need to cheer for each other, just as he said as soon as we start caring for each other were on the same team same team and now we can do battle together, but here's my question to cheer somebody else on, you've got to be pretty secure is one of the reasons we don't is were insecure like yesterday and we want somebody to cheer us, but it's hard to cheer somebody else, unless you feel a sense of sick in my right now but you think I see is you guys became friends is that you crossed over. You lay down your defenses and what you are feeling and then I would imagine that she then encouraged you exactly what it was this like someone to take the first step I have a set very similar story when my boys were playing like pop Warner football I would go to their practices and I'm an expert, but sometimes I just want to sit and read about Christ. I bring my chair and sit and read a book and there were these two moms. They would walk the track gorgeous and I should've been walking the track. Okay, okay, they're walking the track there beautiful I mean I'm just and I always thought that they just kind of stuck up and working out. Just don't stop, you know, and so I never approach them. I had preconceived ideas about who they were and what they were like and how they would be towards me and then a couple years later I started a Bible sit in my home and I just kind of that was a big step two but I just reached out, invited some moms that I had the phone number that our kids went to school together and those two ladies showed up and they have we been doing Bible study together now for about three years and when I told him that story for the first time there like are you kidding you can walk with us, but there's such genuine friends of mine now, and it was that someone had to's go over and kinda put down their their walls lay down my pride.

Because it's a form of pride to go and I am not to do that and then you find that you have these genuine relationships that you would have missed out on. But you know here's what's going on when you tried to do that in middle school there. That's right, the girls would let you set the table with them and so you grow up thinking I'm looking to go approach them because they're just can blow me off like the girls in the world and no one will get hurt cheer girls in middle school.

If you complimented a girl in middle school.

Should she blow you off what he think I have like blocked out my brain will not let me go back there. We have wounds in the past and effect are a woman. This is a human is busy working out in the gym years ago you could to go. This is my wife. Of course, but on their forget this day because you know it's similar in terms of the gym. It's you guys walk around in the compare bodies in your back then was bench presses right and there was this guy who was huge thrown up 300 and something on a bench, which if you don't know it's a lot away. Steve and I are over here doing our hundred 85, maybe 200 and were in our 30s.

So were young and were in pretty good shape but this guy and using those guys at least my opinion was they get up and they go drinking fountain every two minutes or buying CLE that they are is walk by you and I'm literally on the bench and Steve spot made only as good literature guys who use of so much weight is walk around and drink surgery most in all I know is my buddy Steve we started the church together 30 years ago. He walks over sky while is on the bench. You look great in your drawing up all that way. Way to go. Do I wish I could look like that. You look awesome.

Steve broke them and don't do that in the gym. You don't you don't complement another guy's body in this guy.

I mean, he looked up at him. It was like he came alive. It was like he couldn't believe another man like you said surely did him and said, you look awesome and I'm telling you everything time where the gym after that I ran over to save it. I get doing what's up. We were his friends to see was I was still jealous but I was just watching what happens to somebody when you and by the way, my whole perspective that I got a chance to email. We have to remember is like humanity was broken in the garden and we all have insecurities yes and so you look at that one man or that man and you think they are secure. They don't to deal with what I deal with and then you get to know them and you're like oh you had the same issues I have the same identity problems I have. We only Jesus. That's the answer, but we believe the reality that says everyone else's good and no one struggles like you do and then you get to know the person that you think is perfect and you realize how your insecure and I thought you were because you're beautiful. And then she's like I'm actually really insecure too and we feel we have so much more, I am never forgotten reading an article in the mid-90s were an interview was done with some of the top supermodels in the world. Women who are paid millions of dollars for how they look and they asked them on a scale of 1 to 10 how do you see yourself in these women gave themselves sevens on nights and immediately pointed out my nose was crooked or I've got this law or this problem. They were so fixated on the floor and were talking about physical appearance which we have. Keep in mind here, God looks on the inside man looks at the outside physical appearance is not nothing, but it's not where we should be trying to find our identity and yet I think the point is, every one of us looks with some envy your talk about social media. Dave and I was thinking Instagram and Twitter and Facebook cause you to break the 10th commandment regularly you are coveting what your neighbor has, and this is where we go to come back and say know what is God's is true, find our abilities were restarted.

Find your identity in Christ. Anchor yourself in that and that's where you can say okay this is who God made me to be. He delights in it. I'm gonna delight in it as well and find my life there rather than being jealous that she can sing better than I can. He's smarter than I am and that person over there can bake better than I can. So what to write you be you.

That's what I was thinking right you get the book plug-in here right here and by the way, we are making your book available this week to any family life to the listener who can help support the mission of family life you want to invest in the marriages and families of people in your community.

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We got a link on our website@familyliketoday.com and you can go there and find out more about how you can listen to Jamie regularly again. Our websites family life to date.com that tomorrow we want to talk about how embracing our identity and leaning into who God made us to be still requires us to confront the fact that rebels were sinners certainly don't want to embrace that Jamie Oddi will be here with us tomorrow to talk more about that. Hope you can be here as well.

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