Christian Marriage in the NFL

Imagine for a minute you married to a professional football player. The quarterback of the team and the teams have a lousy game and everybody in the stands is calling your husband feel like Julie cousins life of quarterback Kirk cousins doesn't have to imagine meaning. It's not like I like DL does matter. It hurts my feelings but it's not identity. Football is our job and I realize that were going to fail flight jacket when every game you knocking up a perfect cell will invite students to such a fund.

Such a fun lifestyle and pointing to a lot last. This is family like today. Our hosts are David M. Wilson and Bob team find us on why the family like today.com were here today what it's like to live your life with your successes and your failures out in front of everybody right there on the front page to hear how God brought Kirk and Julie cousins together remarkable story and welcome to family life today. Thanks for joining us. I think this is going to be whether a listener is a football person or not.

So we got up about about well I don't know but some went over here salivating because this is the topic that he likes baby listers are to love this to you is it's more than football. Is there anybody in the football hello football cousin to get a behind the scenes look and asserted some things that most people don't know about the football and specifically the NFL because we are in Minneapolis Minnesota with Kirk and Julie cousins who are to be our guest today and if you don't know that name Kirk is the quarterback and Minnesota Vikings went to Provo last year been a league nine years. There's all kinds of great stuff I could say that he's not only a great quarterback but a great man and a great marriage and to talk sort of behind the scenes Bob and why don't you tell listers about the first time you met. I don't even know if you remember to remember the first time you and Dave met, I believe it was at a Detroit Lions chapel when I was very young, but really I have that wrong. You never this guy. I doubted I was at Hope College. You were 13 years old now going to tell you some that I deserve credit for something. What happened is Jason Hansen our kicker to Tiger and Nick Harris was her partnership were invited over to hope because the little kicking camp just in afternoon and our friend Denny Ellens basically said hey Dave you should come along to and I will forget how you got nothing else to do. Chaplains don't do anything right now I end up over there and they're doing a slow kicking thing in the football field at Hope College. Your dad Don comes over and I knew Don because he was a consultant for our church. When we started Kensington back in the 90s so Don walks over to me and never forget this because hey your high school quarterback outright. I was coaching high school football right in college and yet he said that he was. He played college football writer in all phases going on where I should and he goes my kid thinks he's a quarterback I've always amazes Kirks over here.

He thinks he's a quarterback.

He's like 12 or 13, will you throw the ball with him and tell me because I don't know if he's a quarterback, but he sure thinks he is wild about you. Remember this. I vaguely remember that we whipped the ball back and forth, and by the way, had a better arm at 13 that I did my life and Don your dad comes over and does so what you think out and I said well there's a lot more playing quarterback control over what exactly I said is he smarting so good I go see a leader.

He leads the whole house at 13 like I like to tell you this if he was in Rochester, Michigan he be my starting quarterback right now at 13 so I think I discovered that I don't how he does remember that I remember we give us a chance to sit in the back of chapel night before game back in my 2001 I was in middle school. We drove over and that was a thrill for me to watch these guys care their playbooks and across the hotel and in the chapel and went to the game the next day was the thrill and and so it's so funny met him many times a go to chapel and see a guest visiting and I'll think back on that. Was that just in all 17 years ago. Whatever it was, did you have a football in your crib when you were 18 months old or anything like really. I was one of those kids.

Yeah, I would lay on my back on my bed and just throw it up in the air over and over and over. I always just took the football. I loved all the sports played all sports but football was a was the one that I had the greatest love for him. Did you think I can guess at 12 or 13, you were thinking. This is what I want to do. You know, I'm pretty practical and I had heard the statistics on the odds of getting a college scholarship, let alone play in the pros how difficult it was and so my goal was to be the varsity high school quarterback that was really what I thought would be a great accomplishment. And the Lord had much bigger plans. We should acknowledge that Julie is here I am in interest my wife here.

Julie is with me.

Julie and I've been married for six years going on seven Cardinals.

Not good when you're hesitant. I know we have two boys Cooper and Turner. Julie is the queen of the house and makes everything go and keep serving run. So think you you you met and started dating an NFL quarterback. Tell us a little bit about that and we met eight years ago I was attending the University of Georgia. Kirk was attending Michigan State and going into our senior years cricket theater on their second and fifth year but I'm going into my last football season and college semester we had a family friend say that God put on her heart to satisfy and conquer death that she was telling me this, and she said Google hand, looking back when I Google is just beginning.

So I found it on Wikipedia and I saw the picture and discredit attending Michigan State and I decide I'm in Georgia he's in Michigan I would love to me and that I'm not really sure how that would happen have never been to Michigan.

I don't really know anyone from there but laugh it off like that be fine because she was just telling me how amazing he is and I just can't dismiss the idea and six months later, University of Georgia and Michigan State outmatched at any ball game in January in Tampa Florida which from Atlanta is a very easy drive my whole family's diehard chargeable nonfans so we were getting out of the game anyways. Kirk was obviously going to the game of family and the matchmaker figured out a way she's like I've got to get down there. She's a teacher in Atlanta. She stated Kirks parents the whole week leading up to the football game.

She was trying to get us in the same place you know any of this behind the scenes that are making and I'm trying to play calling only okay and I can well came down to the day of the game and I still hadn't met and and she said after the game.

Just need a spy between bass and will disconnected hero quick and embarrassing but okay so after the game, which was triple overtime.

Michigan State beat Georgia, so I'm wearing bright red, I did sign the bill into the sea of green and just kind of wait and I see Becky not think the sheep she pulls me into the circle and anyways Kurt came out on his football uniform and I'm just now yeah he's looking at me just like this girl why she ran anyways all I did was to say hi I'm Julie and I know Becky in Kirk have a girlfriend at the time 00 Kirk or whatever the whole thing when you saw the cowboy boots and the red by the bus and she said you I forget who my girlfriend is clearly caught my six years of marriage and two kids later sell yet he was not unfaithful to his girlfriend or anything.

He didn't even call near anything until six months later 06 months. So why the season ended, I was dating someone else and I was also a training for the draft and there was just a lot of uncertainty with where my religion was going to going on and it was really right after I was drafted. I reached out to graft and always guard will casually talk and set up a first date.

I flew to Atlanta I rented a car to crown the date and we met was by the bus later you're flying to Atlanta to take her out to play a call like this is a big deal and I do this all to sell. Also I'm like I was living with my parents in college in the summer sell and make them come to my parents house in the first heat. This is so intense like hello this is my mind so I was housesitting for my aunt so I had him pick me up over there this day doesn't understand why… I wanted to meet everybody because I thought I got one shot at this time I get back to Atlanta course my parents I like. I hate everybody I can meet in this one trip. It would be intimidating for me but she took it as let's not overwhelm them on on the first date, but the one in five minutes of the bus made quite an impression on you. Well, it certainly started. It certainly set a spark in him we have a funny first 832 and a member if I've told you this and that I first date we hiked down mountain if anybody's from the Atlanta area and they would know the giant stone mountain and so we hiked in the middle and Janice 90° right when we get out of the car and start to hike up the mountain is 11 and 11-year-old boy came up to us and asked if he could join us. 3 PM. We set a height. He's with us the whole time just interacting and thinking working to get to know each other. 11-year-old boy three cell ha ha I'm pretty sure we got him like a slushy probably… Just meant Atlanta and hated and his mom left him at home every day to go to work just walked his tongue out and wander around and so we hiked to the top. It is a mild and we went down and he's asking us if we've kissed Jack what our couple nickname name – and so it's getting to dinnertime. Kirk and I were had a gift card outback steakhouse from the Outback bowl on parking.

The restaurant will he's like still there, like can I come week.

He said his cell phone so I sent. Ask your mom thinks she doesn't care. So we went A conflict machine. He was looking at the menu like this is the greatest day of my life looking like the chocolate cake and I can take a full plate of chicken nuggets and he got the cake to go so we can go back to the park and watch the laser show on the mountain anyways. We hung out with them for eight hours and had to drive him home at dark, and he said okay so tomorrow I'm thinking and at one point I can keep them like when you do or something exactly football and he said he hated football and you know we just can't think how can we help this kids I think I gave him his phone number and you said like if you ever need anything let me know and we've never heard from them really that on people at something maybe like an angel because he made our first date so obviously memorable, but just kind of like more laid-back that helped of 1/3 wheel honestly in a first date. We don't know anybody you got just go to dinner and then take him home but when you clearly were to spend a lot of time together because you came all the way to Atlanta was sexy, nice to have 1/3. Julie, you got to see Kirk.

He doesn't know this kid could become a go way could you bother me and yet yes he's saying here's my phone number. Yes, that's gotta be like that was a big deal to me because at the time was studying to be a teacher and I work with kids on the time and to see how he handled it. I don't know. I think very few guys would've handled that with the patients and I just kept looking at him to say like what does he think he rooted out in Kirk, did you think the same thing about Julie, did you see like whoa yeah certainly I could sense something about her and her heart. I've always found the eyes of the window to the soul and I could just look in Julie's eyes and come to see that you know there was goodness there. Talk about your faith. You guys in terms of your marriage.

This is your life. This is very important to you both had that play a factor into deciding whether he should get married or not.

We were very intentional. I was probably too intentional right to know we were dating and I felt she was the one I was ready to go ardently need to keep dating and continue to figure that out. How quick was that was a couple months.

We won our first date in late June. It was probably late August and all new pretty quickly, but obviously wisdom is that patients and so we actually did date for a while and and we didn't get married for another.

I think maybe you're in a house so we we took our time. I felt like I could find out so much about. And because of the Internet so I can see him speaking on his campus and doing radio interviews and was like when twitter was really starting cell like I knew him so well. He knew that he was such an amazing man of God and that was the kind of guy I prayed I could marry and sell.

Not that I was like stocking and like this is the kind of guy I want to be that I have to tell you first heard your name when you were playing Michigan State where my mom and dad graduated from the shrubs understand and I heard about students all over campus wearing T-shirts run said I agree with Kirk.

Tell about how to better get started and what you like to be the guy on campus with everybody is a future with your name on it will crew was pretty strong on campus at Michigan State. They had a tremendous group of students there every week doing weekly meetings and they couple the idea because years ago they had done an evangelistic outreach call. I agree with John and they marketed it sort of vaguely around campuses. I agree with John and then, at this time to this place to learn more and it was the gospel of John. What they were agreeing with and so they thought we do a spin with dad and in Kirk senior year. By this time I played enough for people, knew my name and they decide. Can we just do.

And I agree with Kirk, leave it at that and allow Kirk to come to fill in what were agreeing with him on went when we got there and so I thought it was a cool idea. We probably had over 2000 students show up on a Thursday night in the fall and the chance to stand there near the end of my senior year and share the gospel. 2000 students that was a while you know I remember walking the campus is a freshman redshirting as a player who is not heavily recruited in all the projections were not that I was gonna be a main contributor on the team and just walking the campus and say Lord I want to make you famous. I want you to use footballs platform help make you famous and so will senior year to have that happen was pretty special.

Networks you get that perspective as a freshman. The Don I call it on my dad is a pastor in Orlando love sports loves football and so obviously he's been very involved in my life and and you know coach our teams and you know you talk 11, a mentor, but I had one right there with my dad and you know you just I guess in both my parents my mom as well just rooted that in me, and I was just gonna raised to think that way I guess you said you mentioned you didn't finish the story you are intentional. Yeah, I purchased a book one, since the at all yeah getting Gilly have checked off each pay. I want to go through woman. I was actually surprised with how effective it was just asked to leave our long-distance stating he was in Washington DC and I was in charge and so every night we would like three questions while phone is fine, but sometimes it can feel like an interview and care to those yes I like to write and I think I answered it and 10 did allow us to get there and I think we recommended the book to a friend so we dated long-distance my rookie year and then my second season in Washington we felt. My parents fell. Her parents felt it would be wise for us to a more normal time around each other, so Julie actually got a teaching job in Washington area found a roommate and move there, which without a ring on her finger was kind of a big deal, but we felt was just take the next step in terms of the female to date in a more normal setting so we dated for that season. A condo near the back half of that season we got engaged actually on the capital Hill steps. The steps of the capital building and they got married the following summer. How did you know well, you know, like I said, you gotta know early that certainly more infatuation you know that love. I didn't know when I was younger how much God uses your spouse to complement you and so looking back now, you just start to see how she strong rhyme week.

You know she's wise, Ron foolish and the puzzle starts to fit in life. I'm looking back now you see how the puzzle fits even more than maybe what you realize when you got down on one knee, but that certainly is a blessing to be able to see that talk about that little bit more how are you different house that complemented each other well obviously I believe God is our matchmaker and so with Becky right so: because I would've never, I mean I might play would have crossed paths with him and God Neil to sneak St. Clair to see our differences and how we can be such a team, 19 he's serious and laid-back at the same time we both are like productive only get things done that we let each other handle what were better make sense but I'm in a dark place.

After we lose a football game and she's just fine and she smiled her way through it and it really doesn't get to her and in a good way not to annoy you, I guess.

Early on in our marriage. I decided to learn that that's the way she was. And then you realize that it's a great blessing Julie, how did you do that because I've been around wives of NFL athletes for 30 some years and when husbands have a bad game and then everybody in that media is talking about it and the people in the stands are screaming right how horrible your husband is how you deal with all that. I mean, it hurts. It it's not like I'm like, no big deal. It doesn't matter. It hurts my feelings but it's not identity.

Football is our job and I realize that were going to fail life you can win every game.

You can apply perfect cell. It's the lanes I choose to look at it in such a fund. Such a fun lifestyle. I'm just going to enjoy it outlasts and this is your nine. I still found myself listening to sports talk radio just I just went to check out I'm not I can handle this is one of the few people as is not sour. I called and got going because he actually said that today I'm thinking I'm the complement that they are talking about. He has been on the radio. It's really something he said is big. You said it's our job not identity. Kurt that is hard not to let that become your identity.

How do you do that well you certainly had to remind yourself of it yet. No, the spiritual disciplines of memorizing God's word and when you hear lies from the enemy to be able to repeat truth from the word you know and and and be reminded of the gospel that God loves us and died for us and that he wants a relationship with us is not performance-based and that's truth with a capital to you so you can say all that, but it's still tough right I mean you still throw interceptions or lose games and football matters to me. It's not who I am but it's certainly a big part of my life. And so it will always hurt to lose it always will be something that matters a great deal to me but you just always have to check yourself and continue to to work through that to make sure your your heart modern healthy place. You know, I don't think the average fan or average spectator understands how hard it is time for me. Obviously it's a wonderful job in your paid well and you have the limelight but I don't think they understand not just losing but how tough it is number-one time in Detroit and you can imagine Detroit.

There was a lot of people upset most years you know 33 seasons of joke about this, but on the losing chaplain in the NFL and I didn't know that was a real thing that is true but the thing about this, we had Joey Harrington back in the day quarterback when we were not doing well first rounder come to our church and do a night. It was really interesting because that season were played terrible and people come up to me.

The pastor in the lobby and make alliance joke.

You know, because there's all kinds of joke going around and I would look at him couple time to just sort of smile but at some point ago. You know what those are really funny to me this is my family. These are the guys and wives that were you also tell a joke somewhere else. You don't hear me joking on the stage mobile but they just keep coming up will Joey comes in he said. First off, I'm not to be interviewed, you can interview the other guys going to Bible study. I don't go to Bible study but I respect you and I'll come be a part of church. So when we went to the part where minute interview all the players he goes off to the side and then he starts walking out of systemic what you do you know any sort of want to be a part of it. So I said to our church that there forget. I just looked at the congregation. I said I want you understand some this guy doesn't go out and he was single at the time so he don't go to restaurant people here joke about eating. This is his life.

He throws for pics and all you make fun of them and I know he's paying $1 million we think is less. Okay, it's really hard for him. I look over Jesus looking at me. I could tell he's like that so it's okay for you said the congregation applied to this for five minutes.

I wasn't understand this is really hard for you, doesn't go to a restaurant because he doesn't want to be seen the whole place stands up and gives him some innovation. I think they finally went even people is like there were repenting, joking but they saw him, he starts tearing up. Never forget it because it was like that's what you guys to talk about that a little bit because the average person understand we just think we make a lot of money thereby does your name that's all this but it isn't the easiest thing in the world is right. That's what I think of I can never do it. I would last 30 seconds on the football field. I would like hell. That's also what helps me get all wound up because first of all I miss part of the fact that he can do this year in and year out day after day grind and just telling especially as the quarterback to put in the work and then have the confidence to go out there and leave your team. I am think that alone is like wow and not just pile and quit and just watching and handling just that I really admire that. Kurt, do you handle a different now. Your nine as you did your one or two certainly remember your three elves. Her first year marriage.

I got benched got opportunity to play wasn't plan on playing an opportunity was a very up-and-down in the way that I played and got benched in the game it it really hurt a minute. Really, it was tough and I was I was in a tough place there for the rest of that season as we had asked those questions of you know is this mean too much to me is this more of my identity that should be and so you know how those conversations through the end of that season and through that off-season, knowing that every year since I just been a learning experience. You continue to come to stack up those failures.

Those successes and everything in between. And you get to your nine and you have a really bad day which I've had this year and and you kind of learned to just say pay chalk that one up to a tough day at the office and you gotta move on. So I do think you you growing it and that's probably part of anything in life that you've done a bunch but no it's it's a challenge. It's a grind there's a reason you're paid well is because it is that difficult and it's hard to find people who can do it you know if they could find anybody the law of supply and demand menuing to say a whole lot but I don't anybody to feel sorry for us either. We feel very fortunate with like a little to drink restaurant just listening to you and thinking back to your freshman year at college. Were you walk on the campus and said I want your name to be great to get drafted in the NFL that still your perspective as you go into the league. Europe up the top of your profession. And yet you don't let your profession define who you are. I'm just thinking of listeners who are in whatever their work situation or their home situation or whatever our circumstances can define us and we can forget what is the big reason why were here and get distracted by lesser things and just listening to you I'm I'm reminded of the fact that were all here to make his name great and it's what each one of us ought to be doing forever God has planted us so we want to continue the conversation with Kirk and Julie cousins tomorrow, but I just want to encourage listers. I know you guys have read David and Wilson's book vertical marriage and maybe even seen the video series. This series really talks about how to have the right perspective, not just our vocation. But on our marriage how we should go vertical as you guys like to say in our marriages. We got copies of David Anne's book in our family life today resource Center you can order the book from us online@familylifetoday.com or you can call one 800 FL today to get a copy of day, but man's book in the title of the book is vertical marriage and it is both the book and the small group series and there's information about small group series on our website as well in family life today.com is the website or call one 800 FL today. If you have any questions about the book or about the small group series, let me just mention here that many of you been asking us in recent days about our plans for this spring for the weekend to remember marriage getaways that we host a course. It's been a little tricky this year with Covidien with different regulations and different municipalities. We have I think about 10.

The events currently scheduled were looking to add additional events but were having to work that out in different locations. You can go to our website@familylifetoday.com for information about the events that are currently scheduled and we expect that these events are probably gonna sell out pretty quickly because we are limiting the capacity of the hotel ballrooms so if you are interested in attending one of these upcoming events. You can find out more when you go to family life today.com.

I just encourage you to sign up now for the event and if for some reason you can't get to a weekend remember we got something were working on to send your way will have more information about it later this month, but it's a family life, dates to remember date box everything you need for three great dates together to have some significant conversations so stay tuned for more information about the date box and will share that with you when we got more to share. Finally, let me say thank you to those of you who made a urine contribution for the support of family life today.

We are so grateful to those of you who at the end of 2020 made a year and contribution were still opening mail that came in near the end of the year and we hope to have a final number next week to know whether we were able to take full advantage of that matching gift, but we just want you to know how thankful we are for your partnership with us in the ministry of the gospel through the work of family life today.

We are grateful for you and we hope you can join us again tomorrow. Kirk and Julie cousins will be her again talked about a number of things I want to ask about those people who say that being a Christian is a liability for professional athletes because it makes you less time for soft talk about that tomorrow. Hope you can to thank our engineer today. Keep Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our hosts David M. Wilson and Bob Payne see you back next time for another edition of family life, family life today is a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas approved ministry help for today hope for tomorrow