Is ‘Me Time’ Biblical?

We live in a culture that says life should be all about me to be motivated by self, and to seek self glory is at the end of the day so exhausting and I think that's what were seeing if it's all about you. If you have to decide who you are here to be and contract energy to get there and then once you either keep that hamster wheel spinning when you were not made to be God. In that situation you are acting like God.

You are your own God. You are your own deity. Keeping your life going worshiping yourself to keep going. It is crushing and social media is not helping sore scrolling social media at night when we get home and were exhausted were looking at everybody else's beautiful images of their very successful career. Their beautiful family there beautiful children are beautiful vacations were comparing ourselves them know our hard day to their highlight reel feeling incredibly disappointed in what life has delivered us. This is family life today hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson on Bob Lapine.

You can find us online@familylifetoday.com.

The culture keeps telling us like should be all about us, but as we'll hear from John Oshman today volume of that perspective want up exhausted and disappointed with and welcome to family life to the thanks for joining us. I think, was probably 10 years ago. I think I remember the first time I ever heard somebody use the phrase me time, I need some me time. Yes, that probably came from a mother.

It did come from a mother.

Of course it has more longing for that and that it it struck me because I could relate.

I mean who doesn't need a little downtime a little relaxation, some quiet, some alone time, but I thought I'm not sure me.

Time is really the best way to explain.

Today we want to talk about being done with me and Jen Oshman is here to help us talk about that Jen. Welcome to family life today.

Thanks, Jen is a pastor's wife who lives out of the front range Parker Colorado and she and her husband were missionaries for years. They are parents of four daughters and Jen has written a book called enough about me. This is a memoir. I've been there for sure. How did this whole idea begin to percolate resonate with you. Well, as you said my husband and I were missionaries overseas for a long time for about 15 years and we minister to American military in Japan and we were church planters in the Czech Republic.

So for about two decades now. I have been heavily involved in women's ministry always teaching women's Bible study always involved in discipleship counseling relationships just really enjoying being a part of the lives and stories of women around the world and seeing from overseas. You know, being an American, but not living in America.

I was seeing this trend.

This movement, as you said 10 years ago hearing me time for the first time I've seen this growing trend coming out of not just the United States, not just America but also the church in America.

In this growing movement, conferences, songs, Bible studies, books, all about focusing on yourself focusing on who you are, how God made you and what he's gonna do in and through you in on some of that is really pure and good and beautiful and biblical but I did see it kind of going awry in this increasing focus on self rather than on our Savior is very concerning to me and as I sought heightening a painting said, Lord, if you would allow me I would love to just begin this conversation can go into that little bit more when he mean by how it can become dangerous gives us an example of of what that when even look like.

So in the book I talk about.

It's crucial that you and I determine who we are and whose we are so in order for me to really know myself. I need to know who my creator is who is the giver of life, who is my maker who formed me and for what purpose, and who is he and what is he like so if you and I are going to thrive. We have to go back to this very simple question. Who are we and who do we belong to.

How did he make us and for what purpose anything in this moment, in 21st century United States and its in the West throughout the wealthy West such as the United States, but is especially poignant here in the US today we want to just look within determine ourselves who we are.

Create our own identity, and then conjure up the energy and effort to get there. That's all completely inward focused. And the reality is it's really hurting us. Depression is on the rise, anxiety, stress, drinking suicide, all of these things are manifesting themselves in teen girls and women. I know it's present in men as well, but I love women I'm in women's ministry, but this inward looking inward, seeking the self focus has really culminated to the point that we are really hurting ourselves with our self focus is on cardroom to lift your eyes up to the God who made you and there is where we will find some peace and some rest and some thriving you had any experience with God in college true that now so I open the book with the sharing my own story. I went away to Indiana to college there and grown up in a home with divorced parents and the home without the Lord. My mom praise God had taken me to church as a nine-year-old and eight heard the gospel so there was some in Christian influence in my life which I am so grateful for thankful to the Lord for doing that through my mom, but by and large group in a setting that did not have a Christian influence in it so my identity, my joy, my pride was all coming from academics, sports activities, being a leader being a go-getter just having an identity really fixated on what can I do what dreams can I make you know I am a strong woman. I'm in a go get him and to make this happen. When I got to college and the sports were harder academics were harder the social scene was harder. All the spices in a place my identity sort of fell away. They were just broken down. I was no longer successful in the ways I had been before and was a gift of grace.

Really, it was the Lord showing me you are not enough. But I am in is cry out to me. Seek me, and you will find me and so as a freshman in college I did on my dorm room floor literally just brokenhearted that the things that I thought I was built where I had put my identity was really in a false place in the Lord said I will heal you. I will make you whole. But you have to surrender to me. You belong to me and I treasure you so you discovered at that moment that everything you hope for.

Let you down from Christ. In fact, you ask a question in the book. Have you ever wanted something really bad and then when you finally got it. It was underwhelming that is happened a thousand times in my life from little things a bit, that it happened two nights ago we fly him to Little Rock to do radio this week and the rental car that I had booked their closed literally walk over there they're gone for the day. I won't mention what which rental car was open but I walk over there and he said yeah we can get your car just so I walk up there and I said well I guess I know never to book with so-and-so again. I'm booking with you and he goes in working to make sure we keep you the next thing I know I just get a compact right most inexpensive you get.

I walk out to a Dodge Challenger. So what I have it. One day we got the dinner last night and we come out and somebody dinged the door and immediately Mike, now a man at the car why we have this car on what this nice guy got Bart into it again to his life.

You know it was such a joy for a moment. Never had a Dodge Challenger and now every time I look at them like this. Cars thanks you know, I felt that about her marriage. That's what I was gonna sound out about our career everything his in some way never lived up I was on a business trip to Florida. This was many years ago and trip ended early.

I have an extra day in Orlando and I had a free pass to Disney and I thought this is going to be the greatest day because I can ride where I want to ride I can do what I want to do when they say singles I'll get to the front of the line.

It's just me on my own at Disney. I remember riding a ride in getting often going that was awesome and looking around for somebody to talk to about how awesome it was and it all of a sudden was the most miserable day of my life to be of amusement park, with no one to share it with you and so that was yeah I thought this was gonna be great because it was all about me one so great, but if you think things are Jen, you said your book is you've seen this over and over and over with women absolutely elevate me.

What is it is not unique to women obviously right but you've seen it probably like I said a thousand times in women's ministry there. Just let down by what they thought would give them life. You even say that women are having a new midlife crisis.

What is that mean that's true. So in my generation. We were raised in the height of the self-esteem movement. I mean I was literally in classrooms where I was singing songs doing worksheets parts of programs and plays where we were telling each other and telling ourselves. I can handle it whenever I dream I can achieve reach for the stars. Whatever it is you want go get them and was also on the heels of title IX in terms of girls getting equal funding for sports and other activities and seven that's a great thing.

I celebrate that I don't not talking fully about that at all. That created an atmosphere. I think maybe, especially for girls that said anything the boys can do. We can do better. You know you can dream it, and you can achieve it.

That was what we were hearing on a daily basis from her parents from her teachers from our coaches from telling each other that we fully believed it.

So we grew up we went to college and we entered the workforce, or we entered volunteer force or whatever it is that each woman is a part of.

Now were all having that moment that Disney World moment of like this is not as great as I was can it be this is actually a huge letdown because what happened is we put all of our hope in ourselves also not only is it the age of self. It's the age of social media source growing social media at night when we get home and were exhausted were looking at everybody else's beautiful images of their very successful career. Their beautiful family there beautiful children are beautiful vacations were comparing ourselves to them. You know, our hard day to their highlight reel and were feeling incredibly disappointed in what life has delivered us and even those of us who have achieved what we wanted to achieve. Realizing this does not deliver. This is not the high the piece, the joy, the satisfaction that I thought I was going to achieve at this moment it's actually hollow, and in some ways and you say this in the book. That's a gift it's a gift from you in the moment and feel like a gift, a man I literally just thought of a college playing quarterback widow's conference championship at Northern Illinois in the shower after the game Mr. whole goal is a college athlete winner conference ship ship.

We wanted him in the shower will lessen our later not a Christian head under the lot here by the way, the shower head and thinking this is it is so hollow. I thought this an hour before on the field cheer and and I knew right then this can't be what life's about it.

It pointed me to finally, finally Christ so that moment in our lives, which is so disappointing is actually a gift right yes and is just the beginning.

It is when we realize that we are frail and finite that we are sinners separated far away from God that we were made by him. For him, through him, to him, and yet we are separate from him, and it's when we run out of steam to run out of fuel of self, which is not meant to drive us in the first place is that moment that moment on the full-time relationship with him.

Your mother raising four daughters tracks and I'm thinking of moms who are raising daughters and want their daughters to be strong and confident capable young women and the culture is reinforcing that message what you heard. You can be whoever you want to be whatever you want to be and there's a truth to that, that you want to emphasize yet.

Alongside of that is and it needs to be all about you.

How do you navigate those messages so that your daughters learn what it means to be strong, capable, competent women who are excelling in who God made them to be and yet not have it be all about them. Yeah, it's a good question in this book did largely come out of trying to raise women who I want them to know that they are strong and that they are able. Why is that who are they, and whose are they they are strong and able and capable because of the God who made them. I just want to be rehearsing that treats them over and over and over.

Great job on that test. Great job on the field. Look at how the Lord has designed you, look what he gave you look at the opportunities he gave you. Let's steward them well for his glory for your good. So that's how you're talking to your four daughter. That's how I talk to them and you know maybe it's a little bit strange. It's and it's like a big kind of worldview shift inside your home, but rather than saying I am so proud of you. I follow that up with. Look at how the Lord made you look what he's done for you.

Look at the resources he's given us. How can we as a family steward these opportunities so that God's name is known as of the what you do glorifies him because that's can be for their good, because that's how we were made.

We were made by him. For him, through him to him as Colossians chapter 1 says one of the key themes in the art of parenting video series. The family life put together is the theme of identity helping your children understand their identity and we really focus in on Ephesians 210. We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which he prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. That's so, in line with what you're talking about when a child succeeds at something has an accomplishment does well to be able to say this has to be one of the things that God prepared beforehand for you to walk and look at how you're living out his purpose and plan for your life so that they begin thinking not. What do I want my life to be all about what is God want my life to be all about the slip off of that little bit when our church started I started our women's ministry at the church and it was really going well. It was exciting I've had so many surrender moments of Jesus. But this kind of list in my wheelhouse and I may achieve her anyway. Inside the end of this ministry year. We sat around all the women leaders and I said let's go around and clean it just let's just give character attributes and clean and new names like okay Jane you has been amazing this year.

Let's connect helped Jane what her strengths and gifts are how we seen God use her this year and so somebody say your name is Grace you give people grace you surround yourself with Jesus all the time.

Each woman had this name you know that was so beautiful and so it was my turn and I was like, let's not even give me that they think, now you and so I was getting ready to fill me up can be amazing and they looked at me and this one older woman who I really respected C-section, you are in your name is the energizer bunny and they last night's energizer bunny like a great name and as I drove home after that meeting, I started to think me because I am a driver I can drive hard and the next morning I was getting ready to spring some makeup on in the air and I felt this little whisper in my mind, if your name is striving to stop myself for a second and I found that just came to whisper into my spirit.

You can striving so hard to achieve kind of left me and lost me a little bit along the way things very doing for for Jesus to see the identity of what you do and what you accomplish. And even when you can bring to Christ and I realize at that moment I was in a moment of repentance like Lord here I have taken my eyes off of you. I've been relishing the praise of people and what God is doing. But it's kind of become all about me all of a sudden and I ended up thinking Lord what look like for me to get back on track and I ended up carving part of the day.

I think I'm gonna give an entire morning when the kids are at school. I'm getting speak with you from 11:51 which may not sound too like too much time that is a mama busy man that was a significant time and all I did was I was in the word I was praying I was worshiping and it got me on track peanut. I mean yes yes idea. Also you're having the time he time. Yes, time because it was not about me. I switched it back and do you think it's easy for us to, yeah, I mean I hear myself in that story on a daily basis mean daily task, like you, you know, goal oriented, I want to get things done and I think I know before 10 AM every day of already having to repent from self driven, rather than God unit driven by the Lord, they can look really similar right.

It's a heart heart behind it.

What is the motive of our heart. What is the posture of our heart, and the pursuit of these good things because we should be using our time, while we should be going for it. We should be leaving at all in the field in the name of Jesus for his name for his glory for his kingdom. But that activity can look very similar to the activity of Jen Oshman trying to build her own little kingdom right and so we just have to be real before the Lord and say show me revealed to me, these places in my heart reveal to me what is really driving at what is my motive because to be motivated by self, and to seek self glory is at the end of the day so exhausting and I think that's what were seeing if it's all about you.

If you have to decide who you are and who we are to be and contract energy to get there and then once you are there, keep that hamster wheel spinning when you were not made to be God. In that situation you are acting like God. You are your own God.

You are your own deity.

Keeping your life going worshiping yourself to keep it going. It is crushing the net, there's this nuance I'm here and tell me from hearing this right you said earlier, if I'm trying to figure out my identity. Often we look inside you know who am I and sometimes we find greatness like a I am strong I am courageous as a man or woman.

But there is this nuance if I want to understand my identity.

I need to look up and yet when looking up. I can understand who I am in a different way. It's a totally different way to understand I've said many times if members of my church.

I've heard me preach this probably too many times that I always say every decision you make, every single day space onto beliefs. I think beliefs about God. Theology belief about myself identity. If you don't understand who God is, you don't know understand who you are. You make some really bad decisions based out of fear but if I look to God and understand who is to understand who I am as a child of him.

That's a great way to find identity right it's different than looking here, but if I do find it here. Meanwhile songs I love know if you like. This is a worship song that could be so focused but I think if you understand the right way or the other loves that the whole thing but I know we've all heard this line on the way. That sounds pretty self is a song I have singing in leading our congregation, but it's because I think it helped me go my way. I've been making so many decisions out of fear. I'm timid, I'm afraid, because I forgot my identity. Not because I'm great. He's great, but I'm his child is so I can walk and a woman can walk in a man can walk in a room with confidence almost like I own this room because the Holy Spirit walked in this room with me. I don't need to be afraid of make decisions I can leave my family, so that nuance true in terms identity is good if it's understood vertically, but it could be bad if it's only understood horizontally. I don't put words in about how I know, I think you've nailed it. I totally agree with you because in the first scenario where you're only looking within. Then you have to be your own God and that does drive fear so much fear and you are paralyzed with with decisions that we have to make with what to do with our weekend in our future and our retirement. It's paralyzing when we are self-reliant because we are all we've got. We were not designed to be that way.

So the reason you don't have fear as the song says the reason you can cast out fear it because you are in Christ and Christ is in you.

We are abiding in the Lord. We can do all things through him right as we are abiding in him. Apart from him.

We can do nothing. I'm thinking about the first teaches us that we are to do our work heartily so the achievers go forward work hard to exert yourself, as unto the Lord. Yes, that's the thing that's different than the achiever who is achieving for self for his own glory or for his own joy and the one who is saying I'm doing this because this is what God made me to be and I want to be is on the him and this is where I think all of us need this correction. I know a lot of women have gotten this book and gone through the women study in a small group study. This is a book for mom to do with daughters and wouldn't hurt for Dempster was sons sure go to family life to a.com to order a copy of Jen Oshman's book, enough about me finding lasting joy in the age of self again. Our website is family life to a.com. You can also order the book by calling one 800 FL today. Again, the title of the book is enough about me finding lasting joy in the age of self by Jen Oshman order online. The family life today.com or by calling 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F is an family L as in life, and then the word today. By the way family life has just developed a brand-new family life today Where you can listen easily to family life to on your smart phone or on your tablet your device. You can go to family life to a.com for more information about how to download the app or just look for family life as one word in the App Store and download our new family life app so you can listen to family life to whenever you'd like. Again, there's information available about the app online@familylifetoa.com or just go to your App Store to download and we want to say a quick word of thanks to those of you who make things like the app and our website and this program and all that we do it.

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