I Will Give You a New Name

In the Bible, God often changed people's names after they encountered him to show that they were different people. Now that they belong to him. Esther, please. Alan thinks all of us can learn something from there's significant names that I thought I'm missing something convincing, something I want for God because these labels I'm attaching to our more comfortable than living out of his thoughts as I something to change this is family like today.

Our hosts are David and Wilson.

I'm Bob Lapine you find us online@familylifetoday.com what are the names towards the labels that define you and are those names for labels that God is assigned to you with others to talk more about that today with Esther fleece out and welcome to family life to. Thanks for joining us. You know, it occurs to me that probably that the deepest kind of pain woundedness that we can experience is family pain. Absolute marriage family connectedness wheat we can experience pain in any relationship, but when it happens with blood within 10 that's probably the deepest and most profound.

And if that's the case, then the deepest work God can do the deepest healing. God can do is when he steps in and brings beauty from those hashes right. I think marriage has affect that there's something to do with kids with parents that the pain is so deep and we don't generally know how to express it or how to heal from it personally is as many know, the greatest man in my life was for my mom and dad and yet the greatest victories in the greatest presence of the very face of God in our lives and spend the healing through that pain. I would say that the pain in our marriage. As a result of the pain from our past and we carried into the present and you didn't even realized exactly right. So we've got a friend of yours joining us on family life to introduce Esther Gendreau says Esther fleece online and she's written two books were talking about both books, one is no more faking fine wine is a book called your new name and Esther welcome. It's so good to have you with this. I feel like our family is here now I think it's a panoramic – why did you name this on your new name on it was interesting because I was actually going try physical name changed and had recently gotten married and was wondering do I keep my old name fleece.

If you think about you night I actually was always embarrassed of my name. Both names actually and I want my father left our family. I was really embarrassed to have fleece as a last name, but as I was writing your new name. You know I was realizing that God gives us new names in Scripture and so sometimes it's hard to let go of old labels and an even good names and good seasons. It's hard to move forward sometimes.

I found in Scripture that there is this theme about newness that God is always doing a new thing and one of the things that he does is give us a new name.

I thought he was giving me a new name, physically, even here on earth and marrying my husband Joel, who comes from a wonderful Christian family serve God for generations, and it was so neat to take on this new physical name as God was giving me new spiritual names as well as how excited Esther you shared with us already. Your dad was besieged with mental illness issues. He was violent in the home you and your mom divorced your mom remarried and then she left you. Did you have any ongoing connection with your stepfather or did you know so at age 13. You're without a family and without a part of your identity. At that point you do with that. When you're 13 years old and you don't belong to anybody lot.

It's very difficult. I think I found my home in the Scriptures it says even if your mother forsakes you that God will not, it says the Lord says in Hebrews 13, five that he will never leave me or forsake me in so by the grace of God I was introduced to the gospel and God adopted me into his family and I provided physical families for me to live by, so I didn't have to go into the foster care system. I wasn't lost but it was very hard not belonging honestly thought it was hard not even having it last name as one of the families that took me enemy for years I wanted to be an LSR want to be a my rent. I wanted to be in Elon. I wanted to have that association with these different families that provided family to me. But I had to keep going back to Pam and adopted daughter of God and my identity and my inheritance is in him. So even if I'm not chosen here. You know, by physical family or a physical, has Danny, I didn't get married until later in my 30s and I had to believe that I was chosen and accepted and adopted by God, I would think a lot of 13-year-olds would look at their life circumstance and rather than running to God, they would say how can I believe in a God who here I am, he could've prevented all of this he could've placed me on an intact loving family. This is my story, they'd run away from him and reject him.

Why didn't you I don't have any spiritual answer other than he was the only one that never left me.

Your say because you are in a great church wasn't a great chance in hell I am a member when you first Esther was Kensington and how you heard about her.

Actually I got to know her brother because her brother was friends with our son. And I remember Esther being cute. I remember her being energetic like sharp a go-getter, but I had no idea background now. I didn't have any idea.

Esther really was, and you can tell even now you will light that walked in a room is so amazing because you didn't.

We didn't know the darkness, but you shined, you'd walk in hell do you know and now we know you are sort of faking fine, but there was still a sense of even think about your wedding day when you head different dads walk you down the in place of your father, because they really were debts God provided in unique way. His presence through another family right yes so I believe even that moment whether they feel like walking down the to your new name yet I never thought I would get married I believe July labels. Some of the material I was orphaned you now and I had to lament that and I was a victim and I needed to grieve that I think I was identifying with them for too long. I just didn't know the new names that God had for me and and maybe even how to live out of them and sell. For years I didn't even want to date because I just thought I was unwanted and unadoptable and unworthy, and so on. I remember distinctly when God was taking me on this journey as believing who I really am, because it's not just enough to like read the Bible like were really tasked to believe God and to believe the words of God, and I felt like the Lord had whispered to me you are going to be a good bride because you already aren't that bright. Your serving the church you've loved the church, you don't gossip about the church you don't slander about the church not using the church all these things that would make a good physical pride here on earth you're already a good spiritual pride to me… Is encouragement that God was giving me and my own times with Tammy. I didn't go and Facebook God called me up right today is just a psycho reassurance that God saw me as his bride and he was actually proud to have me as his right when you said you didn't know if you ever get married. Was it because you didn't know that marriage was an institution that you wanted to be in or because you saw yourself as damaged goods and did know that anyone would want to damage Scott's thought that was definitely it was one of the labels I believe for years and you know part of that was, is and talked about just the wounds. I didn't even know how to identify and I just thought if my own parents didn't want to stick around for me.

What man would really so on.

So when a guy met you in your 20s and thought she's cute and she's lot nice and he would want to get to know you yes you out. It's called the friend zone they got to stay in the friend zone. I have lots of great guy friends to this day is dated and the friends I made in the because why I mean I would like to say because I was you know serve the Lord. Like Paul, and this called a singleness, and it was just really. I had a lot of fear and a lot of fear and I felt I wanted to protect myself and how to Joe break down those walls. What happened well. A lot of that breaking happen before I even met Joel was learning these new names that God says I'm chosen God actually says I'm beautiful. He delights over me on and below you hear those names Esther, how did you come to realize that I would like to say I was spiritually mature enough to hear great sermons and apply them. Think sometimes honestly and it was in these quiet moments with God and just reading the Bible and realizing I related more when God was like correcting something in the Old Testament like sometimes he would say your stiffnecked people to and I was at the time living with one of the spiritual families and I was broken because I felt like my life wasn't what I thought it should be, or where I thought it should be and so I was processing my quiet time with this family and I said I'm probably just a stiffnecked person and like visit the Israelites here. This is where you see that you're living obediently love God and said they had to help me see the labels I was living out of in the labels I was believing and I think that's for many of us. We need other people in our circle to say who do you see yourself as and what are you hearing because many times it's accusations. It's not the voice of God that we are allowing the speak over us and so I needed the help of other believers to really show me who I was in Christ. So when we when we hear these names in our head. You start your book with this concept. What's in a name there's a part of me thinks it's just I hear myself in unworthy or unwanted. No big deal. But you start the book by saying what's her name is very important because those names that you attach to yourself or allow others to attest to, can define you right it's so critical day of and especially after studying. I've seen that there's so many things that God does in his name and for the glory of his name and it's a commandment to not take his name in vain.

God takes naming very, very seriously and so as I looked at Scripture.

I realize these labels that I'm attaching a myself based on relationship sinus or circumstances like where it was coming from and why we take those on is my identity to find out the word label in the original language is hardly ever spoken when you see the word label. It's like somebody is calling you something if you want to research how many times name appears in Scripture, it is woven throughout the Old Testament and the New Testament were to do things in the glory and think for the name of God. We know that our names are written in the book of life. There's such significance to naming that I thought I missing something I'm missing something in my walk with God because these labels and attaching two are more comfortable to me then living out of who God says I can and something needs to change. I had a friend that we were in discussion about this. These names that we believe that we don't even know or realize we've attached to ourselves because it's been such a habit. For years I remember writing down what are the lies that I have believed about myself and so many were unworthy, unclean, not enough alone. Ugly. So many of these names that I didn't realize I think carrying these and she described. She said you know what it's like.

Ian is like wearing a pair of sweatpants at the end of the day you come home and when you want to put on. You want to put on your old sweatpants because you're comfortable in then you're used to them and so to stop calling yourself those names is like taking off the sweatpants and putting on something new that doesn't feel comfortable at first because this new name is something like oh way. I've known that in my head I haven't felt in my heart because you've known Esther theologically and biblically what God says about you is true. How did you get it to go down into your heart to start believing yet still an ongoing process, and I love that example that you give. I was speaking at an event and on the floor. I got up to speak.

There was a man there who shared his testimony and sadly said she did in his life for years. They were there, thankfully, to say that their marriage was restored, but just for years he lived as an unfaithful husband and his kids where they are hearing this testimony, and they share this testimony all over my got up there and how to talk about our new names and I was really teaching from the book of Ruth and how Naomi whose name means sweet and pleasant and very difficult circumstances. Naomi renamed herself, Mara, which means better. This is a bad name to rename yourself. I felt like my message and that time was we don't see in Scripture were were to take on our own. Renaming God gives us names that are woven throughout Scripture. He tells us who we are and he speaks to us about who we are.

So were not like we name ourselves in the middle of a storm in the middle of the difficulty of this talk, this man came up to me in tears and he said today. My new name is faithful husband. This man, I'm so grateful he turned away from living an adulterous life but this wasn't the end of his story. I think sometimes we can think you were just supposed to be saved were just the sick and pastor were just must repent and move on. But God never just leaves us and not you.

Even if are called to share testimony around the world. God has new names for us that he doesn't want us identifying so deeply with that brokenness. Note, God never rename somebody out of their sin in Scripture. God never rename somebody because of their shame. I remain somebody because of the future that he sees for them.

That's why he says you're going to be Abraham you're going to be the father of nations even before Abraham ever bore children and Eve is the giver of life ever before she ever bore children. God names is out of who are going to become, not because of our past and said this man needed a new name not just forgiveness and repentance.

He needed a new name and I was faithful husband that day and I realized what are my new names to talk about the wrestling between good action.

Consider looking at two women that I know have have wrestled from the old identity the old name sort of stuck there for decades for both of you know if Bob and I are the same thing, but now you start to understand a new identity in a new song in a new life in a new creature and I know that isn't just all yesterday was this in the today's this. There's that back-and-forth right that goes on. How do you wrestle through that because you pulled back often and you know it's not who you are to you were but now you have to live this new name talk, but that that struggle.

I love that question Dave because there is a tension you know about the old and the nail and and even as as Christians are called to share our testimonies about God is done so many times we do have to remember the old then and then make a distinction of here's who I am now that I think the greatest example to me and Scripture is the story of Jacob who is wrestling with God and in the middle of Jacob wrestling with God. God says what is your name and it was in that moment that God renames Jacob and he named them as real. It wasn't after Jacob like cleaned up his life. Jacob didn't go and restore his relationship with Esau in that moment it was right smack dab in the wrestling with God.

God rename 10 and gave me such hope is like I might not have all the answers of reconciliation with my biological family. I might not ever be married, but like right here in the middle of the wrestle I can ask God for a new name and I can ask what you have for me in the future and can the future be different from the past that I came from and what you do when you find yourself slipping back to the old name the old identity either in your thoughts or in your actions, what you do is a not going to go completely away like you never remember, but you did get out of that. Yeah, I think that really the only times I'm seen in Scripture. When God says remember no more think that meant I just move on. Forget the past just join another small group go get another accountability partner like I just thought it was all action based when God seemed like remember the past. No more. It's because the Israelites were blaming God and so he saying like in order to move forward. Please stop blaming me, and move forward see that I'm doing a new thing and you see them calling you forth to new things and so doesn't mean that like the time in the desert as a racist or that the abuse just goes away or that the marriage is just killed overnight, but there comes a point in our in our walk with God that we stop blaming God. We remember no more. And we say God help me move forward. I need your strength to move forward and by his spirit. He helps us to move forward out of these meetings is not overnight. I think for many of us it's for the rest of our lives were going to be wrestling with these new names and these labels and we have to choose to believe God says, and even the book of Daniel after he survived the fiery furnace. He prays and name of God.

He survived that furnace because he believed God, and we have the opportunity to believe God about who he says we are trigger something about marriage, you probably learn this over the years that even the parts of our past our baggage that we been able to successfully keep closed off and hidden, and even may be managed on our own all of a sudden married some of these things come to the surface. They pop out and were like where did that come from, what about why make them act in that way I will give you Job burden three years so I'm an expert three years of marriage. Have you had some of the old patterns, old habits, things were you go. Why do I respond to him about her and now you can go.

Oh that's because of what was built into me.

What are those five years old. Yeah, you know early on in our marriage.

My first book came out and said I was on the road speaking I want really want to be a good life.

I put food in the crockpot in the morning and I would try to be home that evening, but on there was one instance in particular he got caught up with work until I flew back into town and he wasn't there, and how that just triggered this abandonment issue was so upset with him and I didn't handle it. Like I said I felt like he abandoned me and of course we were happily married.

We were newlyweds were super and love it.

She just was running late, but he didn't tell me because he was newly married now useless to do that and I just I was so afraid that I was being abandoned in that moment.

It's interesting marriage was at an institution that I ran from for years because it did cause me deep pain at the tile to see divorce happen and abuse and abandonment that it has been the greatest tool of healing and my life.

And so when he came home and after we had to work through that and then bringing even a counselor and to help me through that. I'm so grateful that that route isn't there anymore and it was through the love of my husband, and loving me through that that I didn't have to stay stuck in that fear of abandonment.

We talked about how goes might have been attempting to pursue you and you kept them in the friend zone how to draw breakthrough prefrontal. How did he get you to open up and say okay I'm open marriage. I had resigned from my job there was a season of life I was living through some pretty severe stocking from my biological father, you sure about this in your first ideal and I truthfully I didn't know if my faith was gonna survive on. I was like trying to do all the right things to please God and my circumstances were changing and I've always connected to God must feel so I've like felt his presence and it just wasn't the same. It was kind of like a dark night of the soul. You've heard probably people reference that before and I knew Scripture said to worship God with your heart and soul and mind and strength and so the only thing I need to do was just to go study him because I thought I'm not connecting with him emotionally and something is just a study who God is and just stay in the faith, whatever I can do is stay in the faith and endure, and I found myself at Oxford University studying theology and on my classes overlapped with my now husband, Joel and Joel was actually in class with the spiritual father.

One of the four men walked me down the aisle who later married us. His name is Jason Elam and Jason had observed Joel for a whole year in this class of theology and Jason Neil not to tell me he had somebody in mind that as I went to do a similar program. Our classes overlapped and I guess I just it surprised me. I was more open than I thought. On and you know Joel within that first week even asked Jason permission to start dating me and that meant a lot because I was going to so much trauma with my father biologically and so for this man Joel to ask spiritual father if he could date me. I knew that he was safe and I knew that he was different solicitors understand it wasn't so much that he was asking for permission. He was he was wanting to be careful and he was asking somebody who knew you better than he knew you. Is it safe for me to pursue without doing damage. That's the care he had for you was really a way of honoring me, and I think sometimes our culture can we see this rise as feminism defined didn't really weird terms that are not pro I mean the way that Joel pursued me was the most like pro lemon thing a man could do any he just cared about me as a person, not about what was in it for him to write you now and there was just such intentionality there and I'm glad that I was open yet.

I'll tell you meeting Joe and even watching you to it that we can remember, he loves you he adores you he cares for you can scan a gentle spirit to make her cry will start to tear up here and I commented on just as we said it was a Friday night and talk is like there's a cherishing that God's given you through this man that you missed for many years so so beautiful I mean we filigree look at the heart of God for you and for everyone it's a picture of the title of your book, God has a new name a new future. A new day. There's a new name that God blesses us with its from the resurrection, and it's not like some of the greatest people we know will never get married. So it's not that that's the crown of achievement, but I am grateful that I was given this gift. I was grateful that I'm given the same bride but that's the thing about all of our new names. Whatever those new names are there. Then we could see for ourselves they're more beautiful than we could have written for ourselves and that's the hope for the listener is that we don't stay stock in the brokenness. We don't get renamed out of the sin that God has new names and new seasons for every single one of us and are more beautiful than we could've ever imagined. I'm so grateful that mine came in the form of Joel and I'm glad you guys got to see him and were grateful that you have helped all of us understand that were supposed to live and how God sees us and not in our past and not in even the self talk and not in what the enemy whispers in her ear about who we are because one of his great tactics is to say, this is who you are of them look this is who you been this is what you've done. Of course this is who you are in God's is what I see you differently and we should listen to his voice and look at what the Scriptures say is true about us semester. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for sharing your wisdom on all of this, the great Demetri great to have your thank you and thank you for the books to thank you for your new book your new name. Saying goodbye to labels that limit and your first book, no more freaking fine and doing the pretending we've got both of these books in our family life to the resource center, you can go online with family life to the.com to order a copy of either or both of the books for masterfully selling again.

Our website is family life to the.com. If it's easier to order by calling her number is one 800 FL today that's 800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today asked for the books by Esther fleece alum when you get in touch with us. David Robbins, who is the person family life is in the studio with us today. This is been know what a season for us here as well were walking through it just like everyone else, and it is certainly a unique season. I just wanted take a moment to thank you for all the ways we've heard from you during this pandemic. We love hearing from you and knowing what you're walking through because it really helps is about to how were bringing help and hope in this unique time which sure is getting to pray specifically for you with the prayer request you send them and were humbled by the way many of you continue to give generously to help us creatively serve families and this time it's really been energizing in some ways, even those 20 are paying world walking through it and energizing for us as a team to help you or hearing you in your family need.

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When you donate today to support the ongoing ministry of family life to the again donate online@familylifetoday.com or call one 800 FL today to donate tomorrow were going to have a conversation about the value and importance and worse of women Shoemaker and Elise Fitzpatrick join us to talk about how we can women in our homes and our churches in our culture like an engineer today along with our entire broadcast team on behalf of our hosts David and Wilson see you back next time for another edition of family life family like to use a production family life of Little Rock, Arkansas crew ministry help for today hope