Time for Camp!

Many years ago, John and Susan Yates decided to invite all of their grandkids to their house for a cousins camp. Mom and dad the week off. Susan says it's one of the best decisions they ever made this a couple. I don't think you ever really know your legacy. I think the cousins would not have the relationships that they did. We had the opportunity to share Christ very naturally and specifically with the kids. We've had the opportunity to see the elder kids build into the younger kids and also to give our children a little breath of fresh air heading expense for this few days so I would presume to know what the legacy is I don't now for us this makes sense. This is family life today. Our hosts are David M. Wilson pain find us online@familylife.com yes it's a lot work is will hear from Susan Yates today hosting a cousins camp is a great investment and welcome to family life today.

Thanks for joining us. So I have to confess little ulterior motive.

I like it when Bob spun vodka. I thought maybe if we invited our friend Susan Yates here to talk about cousins camp we could score an invitation to come to because I so I don't feel like sitcom yes cancel out really really can we send our kids are great. Susan Yates is your joining us on family life today and we were just talking about the number of times you been you're welcome back so good you like to be that Susan is a writer, a speaker, she and her husband. Everybody knows it was John except she calls him Johnny so I kind of feel like I should call and drop into.

They live in suburban Washington DC where for many years.

He was the senior pastor director at the Falls Church in Virginia and you guys have been doing this event with your grandkids for a while now, but you've just written down what it is you're doing in the new book about cousins camp. When did all of this get started. Well we started cousins camp almost 12 years ago with five grandchildren from three different families. We have five kids and they're all married and they are all scattered and one of the things we wanted is for our grandchildren to know one another and have significant time together so we thought. One of the ways that we could do this was to bring them together for three days and two nights in the summer and just run a camp also.

We simply wanted to be able to have the children without their parents and have some sort of an input into their lab. So how old were your grandkids at this point when you had your first cousin first cousins camp.

I think we had a seven-year-old to five barrels and a four euro and maybe an eight-year-old. This just sounds exhausting to drive in all honesty it's the most exhausting four days of our life, but you invited €8.07 euro for euro fiber come to our house and spend the week with us now is not a way to key is to start small. The first year we did. It was two nights and three days and then after that we changed it to three nights and four days.

So it's always been since the first year, three nights in forward with your families going to write it isn't just you now now it's 21 now is kinda crazy Susan take us back and what has made you so passionate about this. You don't write a book unless you're passionate about something. I know that you've been passionate about your kids, so how did you decide to do this well.

I never thought I would write a book about it. That wasn't the intent and when we began to do it. The intentional doctor was bringing our grandchildren together in order that we might have time alone with them without mom and dad. And in order to build their relationships with one another because as grandparents. We just got a great opportunity to pour into that generation and so often. Grandparents can get away with saying things and doing things that parents can't. Mom says something and I'll get the role of the from the child. But if grandma says it the chalice at least usually respectful so we can get away with a lot that mom and dad can't. That's a real advantage how your kids feel about not being invited out. They were thrilled. Honestly, they are thrilled because we have from the beginning. Alas friend of mine who is 10 years ahead of me. I'm not certain I can't mentor suggested. Don't let them come.

Until therefore, because when you have four-year-olds, you're not dealing with the two-year-old and three-year-old temper tantrums are not dealing with kids being up at night. Mostly they sleep through the night you not dealing with a lot of issues that your body training potty train delay. Yeah. So this is not right for everybody. I have, we have a lot of friends to do it differently, but for us. This made sense. So to come to cousin can't have to wait until your for so our adult children are thrilled when their last child reaches for and they can drop their kids off at camp and leave and go on honeymoon. So we feel like it benefits our adult kids, giving them time alone without their children while we were basically taking care of the kids back at the beginning of this were you thinking this is going to be all fun and games with the kids or did you have did you have the three days two nights a portion what we've always had a schedule.

It takes a lot of planning.

We have a morning Bible study time. We have activities we make out months ahead.

A detailed schedule. The schedule can be thrown out at any moment because you have to be flexible and when something doesn't work or you need to change gears you change gears and every year. It's a little bit different, but the basic schedule stays the same, with different elements put in. Depending on what worked last year and what didn't, and what are the age of the kids this year coming as opposed to last year because needs and families and needs in life change year to year that were not static, were always growing and changing so you have to adapt your plans to the changes if you started with an eight-year-old and your 12 years and now you've got a 19, 20-year-old, 20-year-old is that child still coming to cousins.

She laughs it really yes and as a matter fact she wrote a blog and I printed in the book. Her reflections in the first chapter on being the eldest that cousin camp and the exhaustion she experience but also the fun in the hope that she would disappear from these cousin slots as she went off to college that she would remain a part of, she's unusual.

So I don't know if it'd been a boy if he would've responded that way but the next one in line is a boy and I think one of the things that we've been very intentional in doing throughout the 11 years is turning over the leadership of camp to the older cousins because the older kids speak volumes into the little people and that is just a tremendous influence so we've intentionally turned each year more and more of the activities the leadership the Bible studies the sharing time over to the bigger cousins. So give me a sample day okay what what is a day of cousins camp look like the very first year. This is hysterical but we have a 7 o'clock rule in this is that I first camp we have this digital clocks that you can put any term. This battery clocks and we had to actually write out the number seven: for the little ones that can read it and we said you can't come out of your room until seven because we didn't want the kids up at fast rights. What happened and so they quickly learn we meant it and if they got up too early. We sent them back in the can come out till seven so you're up you have breakfast. You have a little quiet town Bible study each year at camp, the newbies, which is what we call the new ones for their first year camp when therefore they get a journal distant journal that I have glued a picture of the child on that I have developed is the picture and we make a big presentation over presenting the journals in these journals live at our place. They don't go home because they just get lost. They live in our place. And so year to year. The kids add to the journals as they come back and so they pulled the journals out for battle study and I'll study short, you know, it's 30 minutes 35 minutes. Since we have a theme for the camp or of special verse John, my husband leads the Bible study. Usually the first thing we do share testimonies and we take the kids through the gospel, and if they haven't given their life to Christ, we give them an opportunity is not pushy at all, but it's just natural. Again, I think the national risk flows from being the grandparent and not the parent and the positive peer pressure in the room. So for example I remember when Alexander was young he came as a newbie. One of my grandsons. He is four and we went through the gospel, and we said that Alexander would you like to ask Christ into your life, and he said I think so and we don't push them if they don't want to, they can certainly bite but who would you like to do with the bigger cousins all raise their hand mean me because they wanted to be a part of this, but he looked at my husband and he said to do it with copy and so where would you like to do cassettes relating him to suck off they went to the hammock where he prayed the prayer of commitment and then when they came back. Can everybody cheered and clapped. So it makes it a really special moment and then it's written down in his journal so each year, even though now the kids are all bigger.

We spent our first morning to say okay wants to share their testimony about the time they ask Christ into their life is what that does is it puts a marker and it they remember and they look back at their journal and their scholarly handwritings when they were little, but it's a step and we know that there be many times of recommitment.

They may walk away. They will have questions and doubts, but at least it's a marker so you live in like a mansion slightly. Not that we have a little farm out in the country. That's what we have camp. We also have neighbors who share their space with us. When the whole family comes in, which is at the end of camp but basically the kid sleep all over. We usually have three on the floor in our bedroom. We have two in the closet. Camp is never about really getting great sleep. It's about togetherness enough sleeping bags, couches, floors, it just works. Janet always had this cold that your kids would always love the Lord and love each other and you're saying that's true for your grandkids. Is that something that just comes naturally. Or do you and John kind of help that along. It's based on Matthew 22 the great commandments you know that we love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and soul and our neighbor as ourselves. We feel like your first neighbor is your spouse. Obviously if you're married, but then it's your family and so that's always been the prayer for our kids that they would grow up loving Jesus man in the Lord and that there kids are grandchildren.

What is well and that there they'd love and support one another. So with a very simple goal and that is to just promote that they would love the Lord and growing him and that they'd love and take care of each other so I am up to lunch time right now and I'm the guy that's a seven-year-old.

I'm in your house, and among them I may camp so I'm excited to know what else happened for what what what's for lunch. What cooking it okay is not a big deal coming. We are sample paper plates, paper napkins, mac & cheese, sandwiches and burgers, hot dogs, chicken nuggets camp is not about food. So, you release that pressure right off the bat after Bible study. We always have an activity that may be a giant hunt seat game.

There's always an event a scavenger hunt on obstacle course. We have a time where we go. Berry picking at a nearby Orchard or swimming in our pond. We have a craft session. We do have arrest hour because in time where the kids also need to learn how to entertain themselves. Not that there entertained all the time. So that's kind of the flow of the day are these blocks of time which what we doing them. Changes according the ages of the kids and then supper and then activities after dinner and the kids throughout the day you have discipline issues do have whining, screaming tantrum throwing goods yeah I is not normal. If you don't go there kids. I remember one summer we have three granddaughters are approximately the same age and to ganged up on the third and said you can't play with us and they were basically just being mean girls and I had to take him aside and say this is not acceptable and this is why and I just simply explained it to him and say you will.

You do need to play together a member on another occasion one of the grandsons was just really being ugly to another cousin and he's very strong-willed and I couldn't handle him and so I said honey you need to handle this one so a lot goes into how we work together as a team and my husband was can be better handling that grandson than I was, so there's a lot that goes into this and talk about this in the book about how you work together in your marriage. Given your specific gift set so that you are completing one another and backing one another and not really competing with each other. Yes, you can have arguments and one of the things that I've learned is you have to be flexible with your schedule. Where are we, flexible, and where do we hold fast so this is the guiding principle on that were flexible when we need to change course because of events but we hold fast when it's a character issue. These two incidences with the grandson and the two main girls were character issues, and so we have to be firm on that John August takes a week off from work the four days off. Whatever it is he's got his hands on deck, but you not here again it's sort of what is your situation professionally and in your marriage because all of the years we've been doing this my husband's been the senior pastor of a large church and he's exhausted and then have the time and I'm more of the planners so I've done more of the planning, but then I set it up so that he's upfront, leaving the stuff more than I am. But we do it together.

But, yes, yes, to take, often the boy.

After that it's over weird dad. Parents come in at the end right right the way we've marked it as we go right from cousin camp into family camp were all I kids in the little ones that are not yet for coming for three more days and that schedule is much more laid-back, but yes, be just because of logistically living in different states. Once we get them there. We need to keep them so that's what's worked for us.

Have there been years when the soccer team were the work schedule for the kids. Something has Some of the cousins from being able to come to cousin Kim. Now one year we had one of our families was on a missions trip in Africa and so they couldn't come. And then one year. One of my daughters who is a twin has quadruplets and so they didn't come for a year because it was just too crazy so we had to use that we haven't had everybody so everybody carves out. Yeah we can, and makes up our Lord. Anything with the counter way ahead in what's been tricky as the school systems getting out at different times so it's immediately after the last school system gets out and because some of the schools around Maine. Some schools ranging so we have to wait long with the AIDS family be without.

Can you picture your legacy, or how you would be relating to your grandkids if you didn't have doesn't get Joaquin.

I don't think you ever really know your legacy. I think the cousins would not have the relationships that they do that would be a big thing we had the opportunity to share Christ, just very naturally and specifically with the kids. We've had the opportunity to see the older kids build into the younger kids and also to give our adult children, a little breath of fresh air, not having their kids for those few days so I wouldn't presume to know what the legacy is I don't know and to say this, I think, as parents and grandparents.

We live with so much guilt and so much I ought to have or I shouldn't have. And if we are really honest. Every one of us feels like we've ruined our children over and over again always ruined our grandchildren over and over again and I think what we have to realize is our ability to ruin our children is not nearly as great as God's power to redeem and that's just been a really comforting thought to me because I'm the mess up. I'm in a mess up in one of the things we stress in our family is the importance of forgiveness. I think it's probably the most single most important ingredient in the family. You continue to have interaction with the kids all year long. I'm sure you're few days with them in the summer is catalytic for you to be able to continue the communication throughout the year with it is that Bob you in all honesty, I am not a great-grandmother in terms of communicating there so many other grandparents that do it so much better than I do.

I'm not tacky, but I have friends or grandparents who Skype regularly with their grandchildren. 21 yeah not easy. So I don't do any of that.

It all depends on your situation and that's why cousin camp is been pivotal for us because I don't feel like I'm as good as a lot of my friends with the day in and day out. Communication during the I go till you hear you talk about cousin Kim. Honestly I'm like I have such a big grin 50 my goodness.

We haven't done anything although we done the a pretty good job Skype in and I can a thing but it's inspiring to think we can do this. I mean, that's one of the great things I what is written about what you do is like this is doable and I really think that's why ask questions like, what would the Wilson family be with.

Without it, sort of where we are now what look like if we added this now you know what the cousins on a chart and part of its prime. I my broken family did know my dad well did know my dad's parents did. My brothers know none. My cousins never did we ever do this. So for someone like me. It's like all this is a new way to think about grandparenting. Not only did I want to change legacy as a debit. Now the grandparents I can impacted through almost my kids kids and cousins. It's while I think the thing that inspired me to Susan is one is a grandmother I want to know my grandkids, but it's really hard to do that when they don't live in the same state is and so you come up with a different way to plan and I am so inspired by this because it's in your book where you have the names of each child. There needs the goals and the program talk about that. How did you come up with that and is this important to preplan what you're going to be doing and why. With each child in all honesty, we can come up with this ourselves. This is the philosophical approach really to ministry and family life that we learned from an old pastor friend and his wife, who taught us, and basically I see this in our life so often. Our goal is to have an event, the successful and then when it's done and we sort of a grateful but the reality is just plan an event for the second of an event is missing the mark. We need to think okay what do we want to have happen after the event or as a result of the event so you change how you approach an event or ministry or really anything in life, and you begin. Ask the questions okay who do we want to come to the event, which in this case is our grandchildren aren't other types of family reunions, which also talk about in the book we write down the names of the people coming and what are their needs.

What are their needs and five areas of growth for their needs spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and socially. That's just a grid. We think through like a four-year-old okay Mark is coming is and maybe this year he's for. He's doesn't know all of his cousins. He's emotionally he needs to feel safe. He needs to feel like he can get to know one physically he's going to probably need to take a nap because he's going to get worn out spiritually has seat really given his life to Christ. So we think through this grid for each of the kids each year and then we plan the program based on the needs and goals rather than just planning a program that people have fun but it's not can have any lasting impact guess. And from what you said you do a lot of that planning yourself yellow.

We test with the list of the kids. John and I sit with Alyssa kids several months out and say okay what are we notice about each of these kids and some we don't know day so we have to get input from the parents and we always do this before camp. Okay, tell us about your child this year. What are his gifts because there's a proverb that says no well the condition of your flocks and I'll take that as a mandate to study my kids and to study my grandkids so that I will know their condition so we got appearance and we said okay give us a cheat sheet because we don't see that often tell us what one of Mimi's.

What's her passion.

She and are is she a reader. She into sports. What are her gifts that you see and how can we fan the flame in those gifts, or water your concerns.

Is there a child that you're anxious that you might be anxious. It can, we need to know that up front how can we comfort this child. So when the kids are little, for example, just the physical go.

We have them sleep the siblings. The newbie sleep with siblings on the floor altogether because there will be comfortable emotionally with their siblings since they don't know all of their cousins. You know that as they get bigger we match them up with cousins of the same age because we want to forge that relationship. Somebody was listing to this conversation just as I'm completely overwhelmed yeah I hear you talk about this what your counsel to my counsel is start really small like even a day a day yeah I day is great. This book is not about copying the Yates's because that's just wrong for any of us to copy each other because were all different and you have to guard against falling into the comparison track because were all different so you start small and you start short, it's much easier to add later than it is to take away so what you want the kids to live with is a desire to do this again, so you may have a 24 hour can't or you may as I talk about the book. I have a friend who they have six grandchildren and they decided to do who all in the same town, but often when you in the same town you don't release each other because nobody's lives are so different they had a 24 hour one with just their three girls. Three little girl cousins and then the next summer. They were gonna do it with three little boy cousins so you just have to assess your needs, your situation and you can do this anywhere doesn't.

We happen to have a little tiny farm but people do it in cities you just take advantage of for your living is just to pray, do something he asked the Lord, Lord, what could it look like for our family where we live, what we have going on for God to just kind of take it and molded to the great thing is, the book gives your template a place to start and to say okay we could do that. This didn't work, but right we could try this and give you a starting point and that at least helps you not have to come up with a plan out of thin air.

We got the manual for you to our website family like to.com. Get a copy of Susan Gates book cousin camp grandparents guide to creating fun faith and memories that last. You can order the book from us online@familylifetoday.com or you can call one 800 FL today to order in the title the book is cousin camp by Susan Gates order online@familylifetoday.com or call 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today. By the way, Susan has put together a downloadable PDF.

It's called camp at home hundred practical ideas for families that's available for free online. Go to family life today.com and the information is available right there while you're on a website. There's something we'd like to ask you to do. We had some friends of the ministry who have approached us. Actually this happened back before the whole 19 outbreak occurred. They agreed that during the month of May they would match every donation we receive. Family life, dollar for dollar up to a total of $345,000.

We did not know them just how needed those funds would wind up being. But the critical for us right now. So were asking family like to listers if you can help with the special one time gift knowing that your donation will be matched dollar for dollar or if you can join the family life legacy partner team and become a monthly donor supporting this ministry each month when you do any donation you make as a legacy partner over the next 12 months is gonna be matched dollar for dollar, and by becoming a monthly donor you will also receive a gift card that will enable you and your spouse to attend an upcoming weekend to remember marriage got what we plan to kick those off again in the fall. Lord willing, so you'll be able to come out and enjoy a weekend getaway this fall or next spring or past the cart along to someone you know who would benefit from a weekend getaway.

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Barbara's book will be a great help and it's our gift to you. When you help us take advantage of this matching gift challenge here during the month of May so we hope to hear from you. Thanks in advance for whatever you're able to do in support of the work of family life today. Tomorrow were to talk more about don't time tested. Wisdom is learned over the years about what cousin can join us again. I hope you can join us as well like our engineer today along with our entire broadcast on behalf of our hostess Dave Wilson about the pain. See you back tomorrow for additional family. Family life today is a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas.

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