I’m Married to a Porn Addict. What Do I Do?

If you're married to someone who is addicted to pornography. What should you do best is one of the questions will be answering on today's addition of core Christianity will hi, I'm Bill Meyer along with Pastor Israel Sanchez and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. You can call us right now with your question. At 833 the core that's 1-833-843-2673 also post your question on one of our social media sites and of course you can watch a drill live right now on YouTube on our YouTube channel and message him that way you're always welcome to send us an email with your question at questions at core, Christianity.com. Today here's a voicemail from one of our listeners named Michelle.

My children know what should I tell them about hey Michelle, thank you for that to that question took the sign of the cross.

There are many Christian traditions where where you know believers will will mark themselves. The sign of the cross.

Maybe when they walk into a church or you on on other occasions as well.

There's nothing in Scripture that tells us to do this, but it's a pretty ancient tradition dating back to the early church. I would say again I I'm I'm all about. We want to worship God according to what is prescribed in his word and if we don't find something intricate. I think we should tell people hate is what you need to be doing but but I will say this about, just across the minutes.

It's central to the Christian faith, and others. An excellent book called the cross of Christ, written by John Stein. He has a whole section where he just talks about just how wild it was that the Christians adopted as is. The symbol is the sign of their religion if you will. This instrument of pain and shame, and capital punishment minutes is that that the strangest thing when you really think about it right now you know people wear crosses around their neck and and and it's been a disconcerted piece of jewelry or something that we do people make the sign of the cross, but to mark yourself with the cross in the ancient world would've been why limit is really strange.

Why would you do that there's there's nothing more hideous than the cross and yet somehow and when we know how it was because God the son hung on the cross he transformed this instrument of death and shame into the source of eternal salvation for all who would trust in him and so I think when you talk more about the cross, you know, the apostle Paul said in in first Corinthians chapter 1 verse 18 the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God that it's that the message of the cross that is central to apostolic preaching and so in our churches. We need to hear about the cross and let me think the media so that you can have a church where people make the sign of the cross, but with the cross of Christ is not being proclaimed that we need to do it in and focus on is not so much making the sign of the cross. But preaching the cross. That's where it said that through the power is.

This is what you see throughout the New Testament. So while while at you and I don't think that it's you know that that big of a deal. I think we need to focus on is the proclamation of the cross and the significance of the cross. Understanding that, and that's how we can benefit from it and so thank you for forgiven us a call. May the Lord bless you. This is core Christianity with Pastor Israel Sanchez you can hop on the phone right now if you have a question for a drill maybe about doctrine or theology or a Bible passage you don't completely understand our phone lines will be open for the next 20 minutes and here's the number it's 833 the core that's 1-833-843-2673 let's go to Dana who is in Poirier, Kansas Dana, what's your question for atrial morning hearing.

Yeah okay I pray may I encourage some recurring that it is attacking you.

You're on the right path for years now. My life used to be chaotic that for years now, and fully at peace. So I don't know if I'm doing that tomorrow is yes.

Should should you just feel play and that's how you know that the Lord is really blessing in that you're on on the right path will line up LOL just say this sister that one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is peace, love, joy, peace, patients brightens and so what I think in so far as we have that in our lives. It's not it's not a sign that were not on the right track and it should be actually an indication that were grown in the Lord that that were were experiencing his grace in our lives, exhibiting the fruit of the Holy Spirit. This piece comes from Jesus, my peace I leave with you right is what he told his his disciples we have that peace that he gives to us that passes all understanding. As Paul said in the New Testament and so and so I don't think that that should be something that that concerns you know of course we know according to the New Testament that all those who desire to live godly lives in Jesus Christ do suffer persecution that there are instances in times where people turn away from us or because of the stances we take, especially related to the gospel but not everybody can appreciate that but I don't think that that means that you have to expect this to sort of continual my life should be miserable. And that's how I know that I'm really being faithful to Jesus. No man, as we are filled with the spirit we have love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, joy, those things are our blessings that the Lord gives to us and so I would say give thanks to the Lord for that and and continually seek him through his Word through fellowship in the church and and II think you're on the right track so thank you for giving us a call and hopefully that that encourages you sister. Thanks Dana. We did a lot of calls people asking us about Satan and demonic influence in their lives. And I want to tell you we have wonderful booklet that answers a lot of those questions.

It's called can the devil read my mind. You can find that by going to core Christianity.com.

We also have a new booklet. We want to tell you about this is actually wonderful free resource. It's called nine ways to know you're really a Christian we do receive so many calls a drill from people who are wondering got to have I done something that could cause me to lose my salvation of I committed the unpardonable sin, and this really answers a lot of those questions – if you struggle with assurance of salvation and in your one of the many believers he needs to go back and forth there some days where you feel like okay I know I'm a Christian. I know that Jesus has forgiven my sins. But then, do you know a day later two days later you really wonder you question what a Christian think the things that I've thought or do the things that I've done.

We want to encourage you want to help you and so get a hold of this resource to free resource called nine ways to know you are really a Christian I know that a little bless you little benefit you can get over it. Core, Christianity.com/offers downloaded for free and I pray that it encourages you would love to have you get your hands on that this week. And even if you are not a person who struggles with assurance of salvation, chances are you know somebody in your life. Maybe somebody in your church or small group that often asked that question. I don't feel like I'm a Christian.

Today this to be a great booklet for them again. It's called nine ways to know you are really a Christian.

It's free. Free download when you go to core Christianity.com/offers what we do receive Facebook questions here at our Facebook page for core Christianity and here's one from one of our listeners named Lisa and it's a tough one a drill. She says my husband of almost 18 years has had an unfaithful heart almost continually. He is been into porn as well and recently instead of looking at women on Facebook. To what extent do we as godly wives had to continue being beat down in our minds, heart and soul.

Because of this kind of sin. I have three girls I'm so sad and I don't know what to do. Well lets her first pray for our sister Lisa. Father, we lift Lisa up to you and ask that you would pour your Holy Spirit out upon her Lord. We ask that you would give her wisdom, grace just doesn't guide her in this situation so that in all that she does. She would honor you, and bring healing Lord where she is been hurt and sinned against Jesus, which you bring comfort and healing and would you grant repentance to her husband, Lord which you open the doors for him to get the help that he needs and we just we just ask Lord God, for your mercy to be poured out upon this family.

In Jesus name Amen amen well I'm, you know, just so sorry to hear about the situation.

I know that you're not alone, that there are that there are many who who are in similar situations.

Probably who are listening to the broadcast.

Right now, and that, especially as is the one sinned against here right there can be those feelings of shame, of embarrassment, feelings of of inadequacy. Let me just say to you that your husband's sin is not your fault that is not a burden that you're supposed to carry.

You didn't cause it. I know a lot of times and spouses. Wives can feel like well if I was more attractive if I if I just did things different, might my husband wouldn't struggle with lust but the reality is if somebody has an addiction or this this struggle to habitual sin. It doesn't matter who they're married to and so and so you didn't cause this. You can't control your husband any pray for your husband.

I think a lot of times, and Vincent against situations like this, you know, there can be this overwhelming sense of I need to fix this. I need to control, maybe an obsession with with this phone or his his computer but there needs to be a sense of okay God. This is in your hands. You are the one who's in control.

I can control this and you can't cure your husband repentance from from sin in on even even the recognition of how serious our sin is the mortification of sin. That is the work of the Holy Spirit. Now God can use you and others in your husband's life is as a means to grow in grace to it to bring about repentance. But it's not on your shoulders to save your husband he needs the church, godly accountability and probably even some some therapy for for sexual addiction because I like this is been going on for way too long for.

For far too long and you said Lisa 18 years and so a couple of just practical meaning things for you want. Keep praying for your husband. I know it's been 18 years but but continue to pray and have hope that the Lord hears your prayers coursework were called to forgive when people sin against us. Ephesians chapter 4 verse 32.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.

Continue to love them and I think I think part of loving him is calling him to repentance.

Be honest about the fact that this is serious, destructive, and that he needs to repent and I think I think that's that's one of the ways you can serve your husband here. Proverbs 27, five and six better is open rebuke, then hitting love faithful are the wounds of a friend. Now that that's probably good to be hard especially is wrapped up in in his sin, and that's why he needs accountability and I always always tell couples for you. You don't need to to bear the burden of being the primary accountability partner for your husband. He should be accountable to men in the church pastors and elders and so I would say part of repentance is just visiting honest coming clean about this struggle about this sin, which is turned into on an addiction then and and so beyond, I think just prayer and getting the help of the church.

It sounds to me like there there is going to need to be some serious counseling and therapy for him. This is gone on for 18 years, compulsive sexual behavior stimulates the same pathways in in our brains that that substance abuse does is like a drug addiction. And so you have to take that seriously. He has to take that seriously. He has to call it what it is. Come clean and and repent, and if he doesn't part of that the that I think the process that God gives us in his word to me you go to him itself.

You have bring the church into this right so that they can hold him accountable in this. This could very well become an issue of church discipline his soul is in jeopardy if he does not repent of his sin, and so he needs to take this very seriously and and I pray for you that the Lord would give you grace and that you would get the help and care that you need from the church as the one who has been sinned against you. Also I think would be good be good for you to meet with maybe the pastor some of the elders in your church, maybe even a counselor who can help you navigate the pain and the hurt that you've experienced over the last 18 years, and so may God be with you Lisa. May he comfort you with his promise.

The promise of Jesus Christ, never to leave you or forsake you and may he may he give you wisdom in this time and again grant repentance to your husband. You guys run the same to not against each of your one your one flesh. And that's why this is so painful and so I just pray that the Lord brings true heat healing through the church in and to all the means possible and that you recognize that this is not your fault and it's not on your shoulders to save your husband I he P desperately needs Jesus and the work of the Holy Spirit, and so may God hear our prayers and be with your family. Some great counsel.

Thanks for that Israel. This is core Christianity with pastor Israel Sanchez. Our phone lines are open for another 078 minutes. So if you have a question for a drill about the Bible or the Christian life pierced the phone number is 833 the core that's 1-833-843-2673. We also have a YouTube channel and Eddie submitted this through YouTube.

He says can you elaborate on Proverbs 26 verses four and five Eddie think you know we've gotten this question on the broadcast before and I'm guessing the reason that you're asking this is because it sounds like it's a contradiction to me.

Read Proverbs 26, 15 answer and not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself and then verse five says answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. Often times with the wisdom literature of the Bible. It's meant to be read in counterpoint you confuse with with entire books in the wisdom literature.

So for example you have books like the book of Proverbs, which seem to give these just general principles. It's very black-and-white. If you do this you will be blessed if you don't do this you won't be blessed. But then you have other books in the wisdom literature that seem to suggest the opposite. Like the book of Ecclesiastes or the story of Job, even right here.

Here are individuals who have sought to live their lives honoring God and yet they do they turned out to to experience great suffering and pain and frustration in life and sort were meant to read the wisdom literature. In counterpoint, and in this is just as the third principle of wisdom right like that, that the specific instances or circumstances call for special attention. Life isn't just black-and-white.

Everything is not as simple as as we'd like it to be and that's one of the things that biblical wisdom teaches us and so here with these two verses. I think that's exactly what you have is as were looking at them in front of contrasting them and under both saying something that's true, depending on the circumstance, there are instances where we don't answer a fool according to his folly so that we don't get sucked into the foolishness. It's like what Jesus says in the sermon on the Mount don't don't cast your pearls before swine unless they they trample them in turn and attack you. There are instances we just need to get okay this is not worth it. Engaging with this individual this fool with whatever it is that they're talking about is this is not worth it.

It's not going to be edifying. It's not going to honor the Lord.

But then there there are instances in this is where where wisdom is required is is knowing the difference between these two instances, there are instances where we do answer the full so that he doesn't think that he's right so that he doesn't assume that right like his his arguments or his ideas are are just right.

You note not not challenge a bowl that you know there are times where we do have to step in and say look this is just so outrageous and here is why you're wrong and were not getting sucked into it and engaging as fool's were coming in and bringing the truth in and exposing the error. The foolishness and so again it requires wisdom and the guidance of the Holy Spirit and okay is this a situation where getting into the conversation is going to is going to involve me in something that I don't need to be involved in and actually is knocking to bring glory to God or is it a situation where this person really needs to be called out for their foolishness so that they don't assume that they're right and other people don't assume well I guess this person's right no needs to be challenged and again that's where we need wisdom, and so we pray for wisdom, but there's no contradiction here again it is just what you see in in the, the, the body of wisdom literature in the Bible in terms of how were supposed to think about biblical wisdom, and so God bless and and thank you for your question and I drill one of the things you have pointed out before, is if you're talking to somebody about the Christian faith and they make some kind of outrageous claim like you know the Bible is all made made up of fairytales, or whatever. Sometimes a question is the best response and you know what evidence do you have a support that put put it back on them through force them to respond that there that's right because many times you know when individuals make these outrageous claims are just repeating something they've heard.

It's not that they've really spent time studying the Scriptures, and that they've come to these conclusions through a detailed you know inspection of what the Bible teaches of this is where again when we need.

We need wisdom and and sometimes asking the real pointed question can help us. This is core Christianity with pastor Israel Sanchez. Let's go back to the phones and that is on the line from Springfield, Missouri and at what your question for Israel question about running nine and can near that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you shall be say with the heart man believes, resulting in righteousness and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. I would like it now contracting with your mouth Jesus is part of the salvation or is it just a believing in your heart as I know those verses have been used in a lot of evangelical tracks and I think that it I've read that that this appropriately when they say you can. Your match is as large as this salvation occurs believing in your heart and that's where justification occurs not not the kind bashing as part of that requirement's well sister out, you know, so I think the concern that I have and maybe this is where you sitting. Some people use the twist, these verses is legally bind to this sort of idea of the Lord, you just gotta say a prayer center spring to say Jesus is Lord asked Jesus in your heart and your saved and we turn actually salvation into some kind of a work. Here's here's a sort of things that you need to do and even here, we gotta be careful that were not turning it into okay here's here's the formula for salvation you to save these words and believe in your heart, whatever that means. And then and then you're saving people will will look at that and also Done that.

I think I'm good to go. Faith is the instrument we say of our justification. That is faith.

Our faith in Jesus Christ lays hold of him. It's like an empty hand with which we embrace the promise of the gospel and that the moment we do that were saved.

Now if in that moment you you don't say out loud.

Jesus is Lord, does that mean you're not sick no II don't think so. It all.

I think the emphasis here with with regard to confession of Christ both talking about our allegiance to Jesus Christ through faith in him through our union with him.

The main thing is that were trusting in him and the one who trusts in Christ is filled with the Holy Spirit and By the Lord sanctified throughout the Christian life. Little by little he has God is at work in us both to will and to do for his good pleasure but but but but truly that the exercising faith in Christ believing in him. Which is it is itself a gift from God is what saves is that is the instrument of our justification and then we continue to walk with the Lord throughout our lives and so appreciate that question. Hope that clears it up for unit.

This is core Christianity, we have time for one more question. Barry called in and he said I'm addicted to porn I'm not married and I don't know how to deal with this. What can I do Barry. May God grant you deliverance and fill you with his spirit.

You need accountability so you confess your sins to the Lord. I would encourage you to confess this addiction also to a godly man in your church to get accountability don't have a smart phone, but however you're accessing this this pornography, you need to just cut that out of your life.

Jesus, if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it out so that there's confession.

There are steps of just removing yourself from the temptation and trusting in Jesus and embracing him receiving his forgiveness and his mercy may the Lord be with you very. Thanks for listening to core Christianity request your copy of today's special offer. Visit us at core, Christianity.com and click on offers and the menu or call us at 1-833-843-2673.

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