How to Respond to a Loved One’s “Coming Out Story”

How should I respond to a loved one who just told me their gay best is one of the questions will be answering on today's addition of core Christianity hi this is Bill Meyer along with pastor Adm. Sanchez and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. You can call us right now with your question. At 833 the core that's 1-833-843-2673. You can also post your question on our Facebook, Instagram or twitter accounts and you can email us at questions at core, Christianity.com. One thing we've learned here core Christianity is we have to be really careful with the words we use on this program yet until I was just telling you earlier that a friend of mine texted me and said I can't be your friend anymore and I said how come he said he was listening to previous broadcast where I use the word sarcophagus is instead of SAARC, fungi, and boy, that was when I didn't catch.

I should've caught it but you know the money. I told him in response I just quoted James chapter 3 verse two for we all stumble in many ways and if anyone does not stumble in what he says he is the perfect man also to bridle his whole body and that I'm not perfect which everyone knew my wife could've told you what to tell you.

And so, but it is it is true. You gotta be careful what we say.

I would've said sarcophagus is to the abdomen, yeah I mean I don't frequently talk about sarcophagi and so when I do sometimes that I messed that one up but I guarantee you there will be other bloopers for you in the future. And so if you want to not be my friend. That's okay watching for Israel's use of the English language. Actually, please don't be watching for the arrival here's our first question. This is the Instagram post from Joan.

She says I'm reading through the Bible with my 12-year-old son.

There are strange accounts in the Bible, like the sons of God in Genesis 6 and the witch of Endor. In first Samuel that really trip him up. These passages make it hard for him to focus on the bigger picture of Scripture and the parts that point to Christ.

How can I help them from getting too distracted with the minor details of the Bible and focus on the bigger more important part yeah well I guess what I would want to say is you know all of the Bible is important. And so, whether were thinking about the sons of God there at the beginning of the book of Genesis to the witch of Endor, any number of the things we see in the Old Testament really what what people oftentimes have a hard time with Joan is the miracles in Scripture and did did Moses really split the Red Sea, did Jesus really walk on water and there was actually a whole movement not too long ago that essentially settle. You know those stories are just too fantastic.

Let's set those aside that's that's really the husk of the Christian faith. It's supposed to be torn off. You know the real kernel of Christianity is love God, love your neighbor be a good person. That kind of thing and I'm grateful to hear John that you understand that actually the kernel of Christianity is the gospel. It really is the miraculous resurrection of Jesus Christ. If we don't have that if Jesus didn't really rise from the dead were still in our sins. And Paul said that in first Corinthians chapter 15. The first thing I want to say is we don't want to under emphasize if you will suggest that those stories aren't important.

They are, and maybe it is the case that there a little bit harder for us to wrap our minds around me.

How can some of these things be, especially the miraculous. But we recognize ultimately God is the one who is in control of the will that there are spiritual forces at work beyond what the eye can see and sometimes you do have these magnificent extraordinary things happening, but we can embrace those things by faith, we don't live in in a naturalistic world where miracles are impossible. We know that there is the creator God who made all things and so there are experiences that people have had throughout redemptive history that are unique and that are frankly not ordinary, not the kind of thing that we expect to see his book the waters of the Red Sea are parted once a week. That kind of thing but we embrace them on the basis of faith and on on the basis of the fact this is God's revelation to us and through those stories through those miraculous stories, even were pointing to Jesus and were trying to help each other and in this case are trying to help her 12-year-old son to see how these stories ultimately are leading us to the Redeemer himself and so you think about that that situation with the sons of God there in the early chapters of Genesis.

What does that illustrate while it illustrates for us the absolute sinfulness of humanity. I mean, the world was just going going in a bad place and God had to judge the world because a person in all of these sort of themes that the theme of sin. The theme of judgment. The theme of redemption. Ultimately Joan are pointing us to Christ and to his redemptive work and so I think in that way you can take the stories and point your son to Jesus, the Redeemer, and to God who is gracious to a sinful world, but we don't want to set the stories aside or pretend like they didn't really happen. That kind of thing we embrace them by faith, and that we understand them in the context of the whole of Scripture and I just want to say Joan God bless you. May the Lord continue to encourage you as you read through the Bible with your son. I know that this is just kind of a separate point, but I think about what Paul told Timothy about how the faith was first in his grandmother and then in his mother and it was sort of passed on to him and I love that that's what you're doing with your 12-year-old son. May the Lord bless you and that effort and Joan when you get to the song of Solomon just skip over that. To lease a team that's right, or if there's a real question that came in from Vance he says should a Christian hold a job that might hurt other people like working for the military or doing retail knowing that what's being sold comes from sweatshops. This is a really good question and you know me pastoring here and in San Diego in Southern California where there's a large military presence.

Got a couple Navy bases out here and everything. I actually get this question from time to time from from members in my church just this last week actually sit down and had coffee with with the brother who is serving in the military and we are wrestling with. You know what, is that the Christian obligation to the civil government to society. My role as a person in the military. My role as a Christian first and foremost, what does that look like in the book of Romans. In Romans chapter 13 and this is really an important passage of Scripture were thinking about these kinds of things. The apostle Paul said Romans 13, verse one. Let every person be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.

Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God is appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but the bad. Now there when Paul talks about rulers he's talking about.

No political leaders, civil government goes on to say, would you have no fear of the one who is an authority and do what is good and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. He is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer sets again. Romans chapter 13 verses one through four and there. Paul seems to indicate that the civil government to think about military service. These are legitimate institutions if you will that they have a role to play in society and I think it's perfectly fine for Christians to be engaged in these kinds of jobs in these kinds of offices and to serve their country. Now, I think there is for some people.

Maybe it's it's a matter of conscience where they have a difficult time doing that. There's something about maybe service that that they feel like will I just don't know that I could do that and be faithful to my call as a Christian is to give if your conscience is struggling with this well you don't want to sin against your conscience and Paul talks about that elsewhere. But if you can have a clear conscience and again I think that civil government working for the military or in politics right. Those are both are legitimate institutions and and you can have an impact for Christ in those places I think. Go for it.

But again you know if if you're doing something that you feel like goes against what the word of God says or if it does go against what the word of God says will then you have to be faithful. First and foremost to the Lord about the your story you know about years ago when I was in seminary I had a job working for a tiny little carpet cleaning company and I was just me and the owner of the business it was.

It was really small and on one occasion he said you know if if you sell the heavy duty cleaner really all you need to do is use some of the dish soap that's in the person's kitchen. You know that that kind of having it was it was totally shady but he said it ago and offered it to use the heavy duty cleaner and you can just use the sword of Ajax that's in their kitchen and I just thought to myself will know that would be wrong to do and so I never did it. Why because it went against my conscience and because it was it was wrong. I mean, it would been. It would've been cheating somewhat out of money and in deceiving them into thinking that I was using some sort of industrial cleaner on their carpet when in reality I was just using some of their dish soap in my carpet cleaning machine and so we as Christians we have to do our jobs with integrity and, as unto the Lord, and I think that you can do that in these various institutions. But if you can't and if there's something about the job you're doing the calls you to participate in things that are clearly against God's word will then you have to obey God rather than man. Vince and I trust that that clears us up a little before you both feel free to follow-up because it is such an important question. Good counsel. This is core Christianity with pastor Israel Sanchez. We got out a variety of different Bible studies available here at core and one of the most popular is our new study on the book of Romans. Yeah, I'm actually excited about this one bill because a group of men in my church are considering using this study in particular for one of their men's groups and so that that makes me excited. The book of Romans is really made just such an amazing book of the New Testament really gets to the, the, the center of the gospel and it's available this study on the book of Romans on our website is a 10 week study and it's a great way to grow in your knowledge of the gospel in fact is I was sort of alluding to Romans has been one of my favorite books to study as a Christian, just that had a huge impact on my own life and I know on on the lives of so many others, and so I dove@corechristianity.com/offers to get your own copy of this new Bible study on the book of Romans by the way, this would be a great resource to send to your pastor or small group leader your church as they plan their next Bible study and you can call us for this or any one of our resources at this number 833-843-2673.

That's 833 the core by the way, just a reminder that core Christianity is listener supported. So we count on people just like you to make donations to keep us on the air. So if you would prayerfully consider that in this new year. We would really appreciate it. Let's get to another question that came in at 833, the court hello I wondering about the law but normative under Jesus motivated people on wondering which aspects of the law that we still need to do or were those fulfilled in Jesus as well. Thanks for your time. Yes, excellent question. I remember years ago going to one of those Passover meal like the Christian Passover Seder meal. Still, I do know if you've ever done one of those I have. It was a lot of fun, but I tell you what I think I prefer just you know Marie calendars dinner. We had no idea I just recall eating bitter herbs and ends and fortunately I think that those fees were fulfilled in Jesus Christ that that we as believers aren't obligated to do that. Actually Paul. He talks about the feast that we have as believers. The fees that we keep being the Lord's supper. Holy Communion that's that's the feast of the church. Christ, our Passover has been sacrificed.

Therefore, we keep the feast. And so, but what you raise a really good question of actually written article over@corechristianity.com called why you don't have to obey all the rules in the Bible.

Sort of a catchy title but the point is you so often you hear things like oh you Christians you you reject homosexuality, but you're okay with eating shellfish and both of those were forbidden in the book of Leviticus you're so inconsistent and and sometimes Christians can really have a hard time without objection or why is it that we obey some rules but not others. Well I think it's helpful to distinguish between the different kinds of laws you have in the Bible you have these sort of civil laws that were associated with Israel as a political body in the Old Testament with the church and the state were essentially the same thing you have the ceremonial laws that were associated with the worship of Israel under the old covenant there with the temple. The sacrifices that you have this that the moral law. What you have summarized in the 10 Commandments in places like Exodus chapter 20 and reiterated by Jesus ultimately fulfilled in the command to love God perfectly and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Will the civil laws of the Bible. We don't keep those laws and the reason we don't keep those losses because Israel as a political body as the people of God. If you will. Under the old covenant doesn't exist in the same way that the church and the state are not merged as they were under the old covenant, and so with that change. With that development with the setting aside if you will about old covenant. Those civil laws were abrogated. That means that they're no longer in place now that doesn't mean that we as believers can't glean you know general principles and truths from those laws, it just means that they're no longer binding upon the church thinking with the ceremonial law actually it would be very wrong for us to keep some of the ceremonial laws. The whole book of Hebrews is how is about how we don't need to go back to the ceremonial laws that the worship of the old covenant because Jesus Christ has fulfilled it Christ. The substance that the one who was promised, he has come, he has instituted this new form of worship. If you will do his own body and blood and so were still bound to the moral law. When you have summarized there in the 10 commandments and again like I said Jesus that is fulfilled the whole law and the prophets are fulfilled in this you love God perfectly and you love your neighbor as yourself. And so that's were called to obey as Christians.

The law of liberty. The law of love.

Now who of us perfectly obeys that law, not me. I can even get sarcophagus's and sarcophagi.

Right now we are all making mistakes every single day. We sinned against the Lord and thought, word and deed.

That doesn't mean that we set the law side.

No I the grace of the Holy Spirit because we've been saved, our sins are forgiven. Through Jesus Christ we don't set the law side we establish the law. Paul says this in the book of Romans by the spirit Romans chapter 8 we fulfilled the righteous requirement of the line. I think what Paul means by that is not that were perfect for the spirit of God after having been saved by Jesus Christ justified is working in us is working in me and working in you so that we would love God and love our neighbor as we will never do it perfectly and are being justified before God is not dependent upon our perfect obedience is dependent upon Jesus's perfect obedience what he's done for us and now that were saved, forgiven, justified, we walk with the Lord and we fulfill the law of love by the spirit day by day in perfectly but ultimately it's what God calls us to each of us and so we don't fulfill those obey those civil laws per se are the ceremonial laws, but the moral law of Scripture. The call to love God and love our neighbor. We do pursue that as believers in Jesus Christ for you know your articulation of the gospel. There was just so freeing when you think about what God has provided for us in his his rescue plan through his son Jesus and mantle managers unlike any other faith. Christianity offers us this free gift, and Bill, let me just pay back on that because it I think that is something that our listeners that you need to hear over and over again armor sitting down with a couple that was joining our church years ago and I asked them what is the gospel with the good news of the Christian faith and they sort of looked at me with the deer and in the headlights look in and they began to appeal to the law while it's you know you do good things. You gotta be a good person we love each other right, everybody believes in love, we should love each other.

That's what's so great about Christianity is the love and while the law is a good thing we can't confuse the law with the gospel because he the law is a good thing. But the fact of the matter is you when I are lawbreakers. We don't perfectly keep the lines of the goodness of Christianity isn't love each other. The good news of Christianity is that there is a God in heaven who loved us despite the fact that we didn't love him or love each other and he sent his son into the world to save sinners is not about what you do. Primarily, that's not the gospel. You do the gospel.

The gospel is what Jesus Christ has done for you.

And man, we have to hear that over and over again because so often we make it about what we do who I am. This method that's not important to like I was just saying. And in the previous question basis that we do we follow the Lord because of what God has done for us because were recipients. First and foremost of his grace to us in Jesus Christ. This is core Christianity with pastor Israel Sanchez had a question come in our Facebook page from Ozzie and he says if someone in your family is heterosexual but because of a bad relationship decides to try on homosexuality. How is the family supposed to respond especially when we see each other at holiday get-togethers and birthdays.

Most type of events. I keep praying for this person. I would appreciate prayers for this person who was also very confused and has severe depression while brothers and sisters. If I if I could just ask you, why don't we pray right now for Ozzie's family member heavenly father we lift up Ozzie and we lift up this family member. In particular, who's been battling with depression and also is just confused about sex and sexuality in their own sexuality. I pray gracious God in heaven that you would cause the light of your truth to shine upon them, your grace, not knowing entirely just that. The difficulty with the previous relationship and we know Lord, how devastating relationship can be. I pray for your healing in their life and I pray that they would come to embrace and understand the truth of your word related to sex and sexuality and ultimately Lord related to your son Jesus and the forgiveness that we can experience the peace that we can have in Christ. Would you be with Ozzie. Would you give Ozzie wisdom is he interacts with his family member and would you be with this family member be pray in Jesus name, amen Ozzie, this is one of the things were saying all around us today is just a widespread confusion about sex and sexuality a part of the confusion is we as a culture assume that our sexuality is at the core of for the essence of our humanity. I am my sexuality. I'm gay, that's why. And that's how I define myself or or I'm heterosexual.

That's already a confusion in their people have talked about you know where we got this is the culture. Some people rooted in the sexuality that was talked about by psychologist like Sigmund Freud and others, and you know not not to get into all that you know how we got to where we are today. The reality is so many people rooted human identity in sexuality and they root sexuality in our feelings. I I think I'm drawn to are attracted to this. So I'm unsure about that. A lot of people are confused about sexuality today because they assume that their feelings are what their sexual identity is rooted in and so if someone feels attracted to someone of the same sex or has an interest stair well I must be gay and that must be my identity will first and foremost we need to recognize that were created by Almighty God in the image of God that sexuality is a part of who we are but it is not the core or the essence of who we are the core, the essence of who we are is the fact that were creatures made in God's image made to reflect his goodness.

His glory is gospel really ultimately through Jesus Christ and yet we miss that today as a society and as a culture and I think that's one of the reasons why there's so much confusion on this issue and I think as you engage with this family member of a new pray for them. You continue to love them.

It sounds like they've had a very difficult time. I don't know. Like I said in in my prayer you know what kind of pain or hurt they experienced in this previous relationship. And now they're sort of experimenting trying to figure things out. This may be like a pendulum swing. I don't know entirely. What's going on but I think that you want to be one sensitive to the fact that it sounds like there there is a lot of hurt. There and and maybe even with things like depression.

I mean, that's where we we typically on this program also.

We encourage people to sit down with the counselor with somebody who's going to be able to help them through processing.

Some of the pain.

Some of the hurt that they've experienced in and we know also that there are there are serious clinical types of depression that they require medication, medicinal help, and so that that could be a thing also. But with that. I think sharing the truth with this person in a loving way, reminding them that really the core of who they are is not there. Sexuality. The core of who they are is that there made by God himself.

An image bearer worthy of dignity, respect, honor, just by virtue of the fact that God is made us in his image. There's something so wonderful so precious so special about that, but as image bearers we've sinned against God. Each of the sins in different ways. For some people, you know, ungodly sort of disorder desires related to sexuality are the primary way in which they struggle for other people could be greed, pride, immunity, number of things but were made in God's image and yet, as God's image bearers.

We don't perfectly reflect the goodness and glory of our creator. We've broken the mirror if you will, so that through our sins.

Now, instead of reflecting God's love to one another. We reflect this distorted image to each other. We hugged each other, so I would say as you continue to pray for them.

Focus on true identity that we have as people made in God's image and he wants to restore the image of God in thanks for listening to core Christianity to request your copy of today's special offer. Visit us@corechristianity.com and click on offers in the menu bar or call us at 1-833-843-2673 that's a 33 core when you contact us. Please let us know how you been encouraged by this podcast and be sure to join us next time. As we explore the truth of God's word together