Resolving Family Conflict

Communion to the radio and our focus is making Christ is providing worship come check us out at 3485 Oxford Rd. or visit us online review BC.org join us for this week's message by Pastor Albert on shop. As you know we are in our series on the family. Talk about conflict in the family today and so I decided to do some Google search of memes you know what I mean is it's images that people have found from movies, sitcoms, whatever.

And the put some statement on it and really funny stuff on a few about the family. Here's one you've probably seen this when my family is temperamental half temper and have mental here's another one. Our family is just one tent away from a full-blown circus out of his family.

This is who identifies with this one. And here's another one. Mother saying to her daughter to be fine. You come from a strong line of lunatics. There is no drama like family drama. Would you agree with that but having said that family is still worth having is worth. As you know, even stating the family of Abraham and Sarah to the book of Genesis were looking at the good decisions they made were looking at the bad decisions they made and the impact those decisions had generations and generations this morning becomes of her generation. The family of Jacob and Rachel and even Leo. So it's not just Jacob and his wife, but Jacob and his wives. What is that really mean to learn from them how to resolve family conflict, how to resolve family conflict. If you have your Bibles turn to Genesis chapter 31 starting in verse 46. Then Jacob said to his brethren gather stones and this took stones and made a heap in the eight there on the heap.

Laban called it the Syrian word to Garza how due to but Jacob called it the lead Hebrew, Aramaic, and Laban said this, he is a witness between you and me this day. Therefore, its name was called. The lead also omits five euro singles mitzvah necklaces and of the hardest kind of come together mitzvah.

May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent, one from another.

If you afflict my daughters or if you take other wives besides my daughter's although no man is with us. See God is witness between you and me before we go right into the message. Let me ask you a series of questions. Hopefully that will help you think and examine your life. Is there conflict in your family has some member of your family offended you have some member of your family been offended by have things happen. Words exchanged that have led to hurt feelings, anger or bitterness and even broken relationships has the Holy Spirit been convicting your heart to make things right. Sometimes you cannot make things right hundred percent but at least you can take some steps in that direction. The question this morning is have you taken those steps in the direction towards reconciliation again is contingent on that person because that person may be keeping the relationship at all, but are you trying what you can to at least extend the right hand of reconciliation are you saved, do you know Jesus as your Savior.

If you know Jesus as your Savior. The Holy Spirit of God resides in you and if you resides and you guess what you are now ministers of reconciliation are you doing everything possible to reconcile.

Are you doing what you can to smooth things over again, I emphasize to you that you cannot always have a full hand of reconciliation, at least, can you extend a little bit this morning as we walked to this message.

I'm praying that there will be some healing in your life. Sometimes we think that's just my family there crazy and I don't want to deal with them to leave it on the to follow Jesus Christ. Some of the best I can at my workplace and in my church in my immediate family.

What happens in the extended family over here does affect the rest of your life. It does do something about what is walked to this message and hopefully the host will help you understand the context.

First, if you remember from last time he saw the older brother was angry with Jacob, his younger brother. Why, because in his view, his brother Jacob had cheated him of the birthright he had deceived him and taken his blessing away from him and he made a statement. He said the day my dad dies I am going to kill my younger brother and word got off and went to Rebecca's ear and she said to Jacob. Jacob, we need to talk and listen to what she says to him.

In Genesis 27 verse 43 now therefore, my son, obey my voice. Arise, flee to my brother Laban inherent and staying with him. I have put those three words in bold letters a few days a few days. Not a month. Not a year, not 10 years and definitely not 20 years.

Stay a few days until your brothers few returns away that I will send and bring you from there.

Why did Rebecca emphasize a few days because she knew her brother in one of your uncle Laban too long. He is crazy few days is okay until he saw is not angry with you. Then I'll bring you home it all be good but just a few days. What happens this in verse 13 that it came to pass, when Laban uncle Laban heard the report about Jacob, his sister's son that he ran to meet him.

He embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his house and Laban said to him, surely what is say you are my bone in my flesh old nephew, you are family to the casual readers like wellness is good. You know, his brother wants to kill him, his mom and daddy send them away. But hey, you got family know what you have to do for the rest of the messages is unlike any message of ever preach okay this is really unlike any I've ever preach and 18 years. You have to put on some glasses today. The glasses of Jewish and Hebrew humor. You believe God has a sense of humor.

Look at the person next to you. I may look at look at you because that you think you think God has a sense of humor. He has a sense of there's a reason why he inserted these three chapters into his work. Why, because when these things were happening down here he was napping up. Laban said you are my bone in my/nephew.

It's okay, come on in your family.

How is it because that is to cause yours buddy, whatever I have is yours. Your home so he stayed with him for a month right there was his worst mistake. He was supposed to be there for a few days right.

It became a month when the month is up. Uncle comes to him and listen to. Now there's a little twist in his state means that hey buddy, because you are my relative.

Should you therefore serve me for nothing. Rather, I would've been like old timeout, I thought everything you have is mine because we are bone and flesh same right as I know, but I tell you what I got a job for you in a family doesn't have a job. Outsiders have a job, family is family, but see he is restructuring the relationship now, I would've said I gotta go. But you see, Laban is very tricky. Uncle is very crafty because he is now noticing that Jacob has eyes for his daughter. He knows what is going on so he's like it's time to strike while the yarn is hot at the what I would like to go to work for me and Jacobs like man this is great because I love his daughter is all wonderful. The Bible says Jacob loved Rachel and he said I take what I was thinking, uncle. What if I worked for seven years for Rachel. Your younger daughter. I can see Laban at the .11. You know, back in those days brides cost really was about 30 to 40 shekels.

It takes about one month to earn a shekels. Even if Jacob was getting the bare minimum, it would only take maybe 3 to 4 years and I can imagine Laban going what you want to serve seven years May 2007 years. Well I don't know. Come to think of it other than to be enough. Listen to how he responds to this, he saying it is better that I give her to you, then I should give it another man I'm in love can make more with somebody else, but since your family is a Bible on that to you since your family on the country with the seven year seven year sounds good. What happens then.

And Laban gathered together all the men of the place at the end of the seven years made a feast and now it came to pass in the evening that he took Leon his daughter and brought her to Jacob.

You know the rest of the narrative. Jacob wakes up next morning. I don't how you can know this is not the one you been eyeing this one for seven years and in that whole night.

You don't know that she is not the one I don't know maybe they were drunk out of what the problem was, but he Gets up in the morning and I mean he is Levitt illicitly said, what is this you have done to me and I would be mad to. Was it not for Rachel that I served you. Why then have you decided to deceive me.

He's upset he's angry but listen to uncle Laban. He is like old nephew Neff in our country to give the younger before the firstborn can do that fulfill her weed and we will give you this one also for the service which which you will serve me. Still another seven years out of the great Leah looks pretty good. I see seeking help but think of it she's gorgeous out of you. Jacob is in love is like all right do seven more years. I can see Laban turning out what an idiot 14 years for my daughters. I get out of this guy I told you there's God has a sense of humor.

God put this in his work is just going to get one year from here. At the end of the week he gets Rachel seven more years it's been 14 years.

Jacob is tired of working for uncle Laban because in those 14 years, repeatedly. He cuts his wages. I would like to work for somebody like that was sent over were can. But you know times are tough these days, I gotta cut back on yourself time to talk, uncle you, your flock is growing your business is booming. You cut my salary son. I gotta do what's best for all of us. Don't you know that this what you got was a family at the end of the 14 years.

Jacob finally says I've had. He comes to him says give me my wives and my children for whom I have served you let me go you know what I've done for you. Laban knows oh he's about to leave but see he's got some more tricks up his sleeve.

He says stay. If I have found favor in your eyes, for I have learned by experience that the Lord has blessed me for your sake, what is he using is called flattery and Jacobs like well it takes the bait was what he says, you know, I have served you and how your livestock has been with me for what you had before I came was little and it has increased to a great amount he bought how to say it hook line and sinker. He took it uncle. We gotta renegotiate our contract is okay anything, what shall I give you.

Listen to what he says here Jacob said it's on the screen. You shall not give me anything. Labels like… I love this guy that nephew, the sons really getting to him. I will again feed and keep your flocks's even better Cigna work for nothing. Let me pass through all your flock today, removing from there all the speckled and spotted sheep and all the brown ones among the lambs and the spotted and speckled among the goats and the shall be my wages now Jacob being around uncle Laban has learned a few things that in law has taught them a few tricks please like you know the sheet, by the way, in that part of the world the a lossy sheep are the one full-color fat tailed shapes and really dark black goats there full-color means there is no speckles in most of the sheep and goats are like that but 20% of them are speckled and spotted Laban thanks medicine a great deal because I still get to keep most of my lifestyle and he's getting maybe 15%. I can live with that. And guess what Laban says it will keep my stock to keep yours to keep your speckled and spotted once you keep mine and serve me. Jacobs is not a problem for the next six years he kept Laban's stock of purebred sheep and goats and Laban kept is the what is Laban thinking I'm going to breed his animals, but I would expect him to breed mine and my stock is not keep on growing in his keep on diminishing now.

Jacob is a smart man. Somehow he understands genetics. You know what genetics is, understands how the whole heredity thing works. So what he does is this he takes those one colored animals that belong to Laban his dad in law, uncle, and he exposes them to something that even to this day.

Scholars understand what that means.

I think it's some kind of an ancient science. He takes the shoots of various trees and he put some in the trough and somehow they can see these things and it changes the way they behave or it it emphasizes certain genetic characteristics something is there.

We don't truly understand what we do understand this, that Jacob knew the difference between genotype and phenotype it would genotype is genotype is your genetic identity. It is your personal genome. It is something that is in you, but we can see it that's your genotype.

What is your phenotype phenotype are the visible characteristics right long nose or short nose or or big eyes are small eyes, tall or short. Those are your phenotypes, we can see them but Laban was thinking is the phenotypes is all there is to it. Jacob knew that there is more to a creature than just what you see, because inside. There are also recessive genes. The spotted and speckled genes are still inside the full colored ones, smart guys and so what he does. Somehow he knows which she had those speckled and spotted genes inside of them and he begins to bring them among themselves, and leaves alone the ones that don't. And in time.

Guess what, even the straw that he is keeping for Laban which is supposed to be the purebred the strong ones now actually have more and more babies that are spotted and speckled which actually should belong to Jacob is like the spy versus spy review of this old cartoon. The spy versus spy. The spy gives them a time bomb. He is running away laughing and it doesn't rely this time on this pocket of those old cartoons as was happening here.

Jacob is getting Laban and was the result. Listen to verse 42 Genesis 30 and when the flocks were feeble, he did not put them in. So the feebler were Laban's and the stronger Jacobs Laban finds out he's mad that nephew how in the world did he do not knew he was smart.

I really was that smart and word gets back to Jacob that Laban knows that his livestock has changed now more of Laban stock has grown and he is coming after Jacob. The Jacob calls a family conference with his two wives listen to what he says he's a look. You know that with all my might. I have served your father, yet your father has deceived me and changed my wages 10 times but God did not allow him to hurt me so what y'all think.

I love the response from this dysfunctional family and if you feel like you are dysfunctional. This is really dysfunctional. Both the wives which are really sisters. Listen to what they say is there still any portion or inheritance for us in our father's house are we not consider strangers by him, for he has sold us has also completely consumed our money for all these riches which God has taken for my father.

I really hours. I can see at the moment Jacobs they go. My I really love both of them now know that whatever God has said to you, do is about a what we need to do. We need to pack up and leave now. Your daddy is coming. We gotta get outta you were going to go back home to where I came from.

It's all good over there. We got plenty of land but it's not that easy.

Listen to verse 19 then Laban had gone to sheer his sheep and Rachel had stolen the household idols that were her father's not have no idea why she would do that.

Maybe she thought.

Oh you know whoever has the household idols do not huge idols, statues, their tiny little idols. Maybe she was thinking. Whoever has the idols has the inheritance has some power.

By the way became very costly because later on the people of Israel worshiped those gods.

This was a big mistake. She should've never taken those idols from her home. Can I give you a quick word you daddy your granddaddy your grandmother your uncle and maybe the belief something crazy. Now you are coming across the true word of God. It's time to leave the crazy and follow the truth, Rachel takes these idols and Laban finds out. Listen to what happens.

Three days later he catches up with them. I love the way he talks to Jacob. He says listen, what have you done that you have stolen away. Unknown to me, and carried away my daughters like captives taken with the sword. What you mean by taking my daughters like they were prisoners. He says why did you flee away secretly and steal away from me and not tell me, for I might have sent you away with joy and song. Can you see Laban singing songs to them on the way out for another number as you leave for the road. Now you don't care one bit of how any of this is is making this stuff up. Then he says and you did not allow me to kiss my sons and my daughters, I can see at the moment. Rachel and Leah looking at going yeah right and then he says and why did you steal my gods Jacobs like what not. I was wrong for leaving without telling you. But you know I had reasons to because you will probably not kill me but I didn't steal your gods if you find your God's and anybody's temple you kill that person and by step so Laban says you got it.

He went goes to Jacob stand looks and there like nothing here goes to Leah stand. Nothing in there, go to the other two made their tans.

Nothing in there, goes to Rachel's tent nothing in there. Where's Rachel looks out she said nonaccountable under the hot sun.

The focus crazy is an is and I can see that he rate Laban walking up to as a why you appear know I just like the view looks beautiful up here on a nice sunny day Girl not sit on the camel what I was going on.

Listen to verse 34 and I Rachel had taken the household idols and put them in the camel saddle and sat on them, that's uncomfortable. If I may say in Laban search all about the tent and did not find them and she said to her father.

He said can you get off is like a daddy let it not displease my Lord that I cannot rise before you for the manner of women is with me and I don't know what that means spell that out.

Daddy, you know, know what I can get down, why not. I think Laban already knew.

Yeah, you're up to something people haven't changed much. She is lying to her daddy, pretending that she is going to the time and she is trying to deceive in broad daylight was the response. Jacob is so angry he would lay buddies that he rebukes them is that what is my crest by one of my sin that you have so hotly pursued me. Although you have source all my things.

What part of your household things have you found what Jacob doesn't know is his favorite lovely wife is lying welcome to the dysfunctional family in the Bible.

So now what we do.

Should we fight should be happy, angry, should we never talk to each other.

No no no is all right. Let's make a monument. Let's put a heap of stones will call admits and this is the deal. What is it mean he said.

May the Lord wants between me and you. When we are absent, one from another. This was not supposed to be a joyful family you know get together place. This was like if you cheat me God's gonna get you if I cheat you got to get me but at least let's try to get along folks family can be messy. Would you agree with them is so much easier just to say I'm done with you that I'm going this way is so much easier. But that's not how God wants us to live. Can I give you a few suggestions in resolving family conflict. Number one. Keep your sense of humor family will do crazy things that no one else will ever do keep a sense of humor.

Number two, lower your expectation.

Sometimes we have such high expectations. They did not come to our birthday party. I made it in drive 500 miles to get here harsh shame on lowered expectations.

They can take care of the candy door allow bitterness to control your life, didn't come to Robert were not going didn't come to my wife I'm not going to that if you get into this tit-for-tat thing, folks. You might as well get up every morning and have two jobs one your regular job and the other one is your bitterness job number four learn to get along. Learn to get along. Family does matter. Would you agree does matter. But here's something very important. Don't let family come between you and God's plan for your life. Love your family, but there comes a place where you say is this relationship keeping me from following Jesus Christ. Not that have to cut this off but I have to renew my focus is about Jesus Christ will follow him and love him and trust him and obey him and leave my family in that direction. Don't let anyone or anything. Get between you and God's plan number six be Christlike in everything. There is no excuse for being mean there is no excuse for being hateful.

Be Christlike. What would Jesus do if your family member did that to him. How would he respond how we respond we do tit-for-tat. We all did not know is to level and you never know. They may be acting that way because you're not saved. What you need to really pray for is not God. Just take him to heaven because there are so mean down here know what you should be praying for is God to save them. Would you change your life would you change are okay go to church. You know I say that often, that means nothing.

Pray that they will thank you so much for joining us this message. Give each conflict, especially important for your patient love all formation as it is online if you follow us in social media like