The Value of Wrinkles - Isabel Tom

How can you help children value and connect with the older generation have this superpower had a supernatural ability left the older people and I think when they realize how important they are and how much impact they have been there more inclined to connect with.

Welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" today. Isabel Tom helps parents learn how to teach their children to value and connect with older family members or friends love our featured resources or book value of wrinkles, young perspective on how loving the old will change your life. You confided five love languages.com five.com Gary, this is our second conversation with Isabel about topic that you and I both agreed this one that is so needed negative scripture break open the younger generation who are searching for wisdom in terms of how to live life and how to make an empirical log holders and their older adults all around them who have all kind of wisdom but the young people are not turning to veiled and sometimes the older people will try to develop that relationship so that you know this book is going to help.

I think parents help their children relate to grandparents and other older adults with the trust soaked very excited about our conversation today, limit, reduce her. She is Isabel Tom.

She is passionate about serving the older adult population between growing up in an intergenerational household and working in the field of aging. Isabel has more than 35 years of experience with older adults or grandparents who lived until 98 and 102 had a profound impact on her life professionally. She has more than a decade of experience working with healthcare organizations. She and her husband Kevin have three children. You can find out more about her and the featured resource of the website.

Five love languages.com it's Isabel Tom's book the value of wrinkles, young perspective on how loving the old will change your life again. Go to five love languages.com Isabel welcome back to Building Relationships. Thanks for having me.

I'm excited to be here with our first conversation which took place as I remember. Near the beginning of the pandemic.

We talked about your personal story and how the book Chris mentioned is basically a love letter to your grandparents. But for those who didn't hear that conversation.

Tell us why you wrote this book value of wrinkles show RSL email to value of wrinkles is a really nice story of how I came to appreciate the role of older people in my life, and specifically my grandparents. I grew up living with them until the age of 26 and is highly involved in helping to care for them as they got older and ate. I think I shared earlier that they live to 9802 and I think as a child. I didn't really appreciate the fact that I grew up living with my grandparents by in serving the older adult generation professionally guide can change my heart, will he really change my heart and gave me an aha moment where you know when my grandma passed away as 35 and she was the last living grandparent that I had and by that time she had become. I like to say one of my best girlfriends and I realized just how blessed I was to have had older people just encouraging me feeding you into me and just there for such a long time you know they really built me up to who I am today and I'm so blessed because that was a good were going to get really practical with parents. You want to help parents in the how to of this process of helping their children, connect with older adults right exactly.

I think a lot of times. Sometimes parents need to say call, call your grandparents and talk to them and then you know kids are just kind of stuck in a situation is nothing to talk about a you know don't how to relate and then nothing really happens in his parents think we can get really frustrated, so I just wanted to give more strategy and direction and guidance to parents as we begin our conversation this that there are three words that are really important as we consider this topic. Realize, understand, and prompt impact those brief reports sure so I came up with these words.

First of all, fun. Looking back at why I decided to stay in the field of aging. Yeah I was 21 when I first started at a local retirement community may vary first job and I was trying to figure out what Mimi stay there and so these three words cannot come from my own experience. So the word realize I really feel like we have to help our kids to realize that they have this superpower. They have a supernatural ability to bless the older people in their lives and I think when they realize how important they are and how much of an impact they have.

Then there more inclined to connect with her grandparents when it comes to understanding.

I think we really have to help our kids to understand.

You know their grandparents and what they're going through are just older people in general and I think this helps you new kids to be less likely to withdrawal and to be fearful of other older people and their grandparents and and you know aging is hard so a lot of times we see a lot of things and we can't see things. Maybe we haven't answered all their questions, but when we do we take the time to do that, then I believe that there is more of an appreciation for the older generation and finally I say prompt because I think as parents we can expect our kids just naturally appreciate older people. They are very different.

You know both generations and so I really think that we need to prompt our kids, our children, to create those opportunities for this amazing, you know, grandparent and grandchild relationship to grow. There's a lot of different situations. Write some some children, grandparents live in the same tone.

Some of them lived 300 bottles away during the pandemic of courses, but a lot of super challenges in that area. So even with all the different situations we really as parents need to work diligently trying to help our children convict in a realistic and meaningful way with grandparents right, yeah, absolutely. And I think that helps us to build a stronger relationship with our aging parents because when they see that we are teaching our children how to love them and how to relate to them and had a connect then they see that you know we also care and make such a big difference is will the pandemic. You would think with all the isolation, especially with the year that comes you don't want to hurt your grandparents or your older person in your neighborhood so need to keep your distance.

You need to stand outside the window and waved.

That type of thing you would think them the pandemic has created a deeper chasm of relationship, but hasn't done that has it.

In some cases forced people to use technology that they didn't really want to the older generation to get closer or what you seen in the last year or so while it has had its challenges, but I think I've seen that really make me so excited is that it's forced us to relate in a different way. So for example if we are used to just visiting our eNote visiting grandparents with the grandkids and just having dinner together while not possible anymore over this past year wasn't and so we've learned how to relate unit using technology or learning to talk about different things that just put us in a different place where we past have had to adapt and learn new ways and get really creative and I think it has strengthened a lot of relationships to this is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" to suggest this program to someone got five love languages.com you can share a link to our program. There you'll also see our featured resource by Isabel Tom, the value of wrinkles, a young prospective on how loving the old will change your life. Just go to five love languages.com is will some cultures seem to value intergenerational relationships more than others. Were we in the United States with this issue. While I think are starting to see the value intergenerational relationships that I do believe that we have a long way to go. I think there's a lot of potential out there that I think I'm Asian-American, who is also a Christian.

And so I I was brought up to really value my family and to see that as a responsibility and family includes no the older generation includes my grandparents, but having grown up in America. I also see that you know there's so many different issues that are at hand that were supposed to focus on from fitness in our house to mental health to our careers in poverty and politics in all of this and so I think sometimes we can get very distracted and we can focus on those things. But then we forget to ask the question what about you know what about our own family and sometimes we forget to look at our own family and see what difference were making you know in the lives of our aging parents and our aging relatives. What you think developing intergenerational relationships is so important and how is it beneficial to those who are in the middle of the parents in the middle between the children and the grandparents. I think I can go on and on. Some is going to give you a couple of things here, but I think as parents and for those of us who are in the middle and you know for me I have been bit grandchild, but now I'm a mom of three kids and what I see is that when we really focus on developing intergenerational relationships. It takes a lot of that responsibility and that pressure off of us as parents to feel like we have to take care of everybody's needs so you know we've we've heard you know people say that it takes a village to raise a child. Why think that village needs to include grandparents and grandparents have this gift of time they can get attention when we as parents can't AME even this morning and this happens every single day. I have to tell my kids you know there for six and eight have to tell them not right now I can't. I don't have time right now.

We can do this later grandparents home and you know they are willing to sit there and just watch my four-year-old count 200 again and I mean that you know I need to my kids to know that they are special that they are valued, but as a parent I can't do everything for them.

So I thank you note, that takes off a lot of the pressure.

I think you know for our kids. We need them to be part of the village.

We need to build a stronger village for you know, our aging parents, and I think sometimes we think that as that adult child we have to do everything. But as our parents get older you know if we can train our children. And like I said my kids are four, six and eight right now and I'm training to be part of that village eNote to care for and love on their grandparents because they have such strengths.

ENote there cuter, more enthusiastic than I am to have energy, creativity, time, and honestly I think my parents. My mom and my mother like a like hearing from them more than they like hearing from me so I think you note that responsibility of just trying to take care of everyone's needs. It doesn't have to. We don't have to feel so much pressure on and I think ultimately you know we want to teach our kids how to relate to people who are different than themselves. And that's a relationship skill, not just you know with their grandparents, but the relationship skill that helps them to thrive as they get older you know in the workplace. You know, in relationships, and this is like one of the best ways to teach and I feel like I feel like God has given us our family for a reason and both generations on both sides have always felt there's an advantage if you happen to live close to the grandparents so that they can sit with the children group and we didn't have that opportunity because our grand jury lived to live, hours worked, but crucially mentioned earlier, technology, and a member.

This is been great for us through the years and relating to them inflict our granddaughter now is in college and every Sunday afternoon she calls my wife her grandmother and her skirmishers with her. What's been going on this week and what you're facing you know in curling talks to her encouragers. Are you knowing when I'm traveling in different places, or when I was driving I would took pictures of places where you I would send them to her and send them to her brother, and then getting feedback about just this morning. She's a senior in college and though they were having the honors convocation and she want to honors us out there for all of our own. You're watching all this happened, then center a little luck Texan said you know just wants to win two owners so Pro we are so proud of you euro and zero bug is who uploads you got the watch soaked notices grandparents really want this, relationship, and sometimes we have to work harder at it too, but if the parents of the children are owners who tried to help them connect with us. We can do it. Whether were living close together will be living part right so child and in your story that you just share that's like a success story. I'm sure there's so many moments like that happen that the eNote that make you so happy that you have this relationship with your granddaughter and I'm sure your wife to do is just elated to be able to talk to her every single time she calls you absolutely do these benefits apply only in the family goes grandparents and grandchildren, or other benefits and other contracts in other settings for younger children reaching October while I think it's definitely potential in all areas of our communities and allies and I the first thing I think of is actually in the church because I'm a pastor's kid and I don't know how often you know I don't even know if his book out there and talks the pastor kids that we all know if your pastor states that our tendency is to want to run away from God and so you know all throughout my life that has been a struggle where I did not like being at church and when I you know look back on my life and my faith. I realize that my grandma Hugh Eno has really brought me to love the Lord and has taught me how to live out my face.

You know when even when things get hard so there is strength in the testimony of an older believer and you know I'm part of community Bible study and one of the things that I love and I can't say left in the beginning I wanted to hang out with the other young moms email but I can't have come to see that you know I want older believers. I love having a great now with you know I have a lady who is in her 80s 76 eat all of that and I love that because it gives me a different perspective. You know, a getting a long-term perspective so I don't hyperfocus on certain things like you know your spirit, your career or your prestige your relationship status. Your grades on it just gives you a different perspective and I think in the church we can really benefit from that.

It also produces personal and my daughter and her husband, emotional, and his wife both came back for the weekend because you have a little celebration of my anniversary of the church and several of their Sunday school teachers through the years because the group in the time church came up to them afterwards. You don't want to talk with Bill because in our kids remember them was so glad to see you again. So even as from all the way from the three and four-year-old all the way through high school.

These older adults were having an impact on all our children and the churches it's it's an easy place for that to happen if we have that vision and pay older adults under sale. Here's an opportunity for me to invest in the lives of some young people. Well, that's a major role. I think in the church absolutely, and I think you know I'm part of the millennial generation, and I think we don't want a superficial faith so you know when I hear the testimony of somebody who has lived eNote 80 years, you know, and they have turned away from God and then come back to God and have questioned God and then they you know have come to see that God is faithful, you know, I think that really makes a huge difference. I think another thing is that it just gives younger people a real way to serve and I think sometimes in the church.

We think that you know to be a strong Christian we have to go overseas and be a missionary but there are 54 million older adults in the US alone and you know we can start with our grandparents.

We can start with older people in our churches and in make such an impact. How do we build stronger generational relationships. What are some elements while again I'm gonna go back to when I started working at the local retirement community was my first job straight out of college and there are two things that I saw one way is the frequency of my interaction with older adults so I was seeing them every day and I was living with my grandparents at the time the same house we are in the room right next door to each other and so there is frequency.

I saw them often on and that really does help so for children who, and even teenagers and young adults who live near grandparents or just have regular interaction with their grandparents, that gives him a realistic picture of what older adults are like and that's very helpful but I think what the other component is really important is that understanding and appreciation for the older generation, and I think that's where parents can step in because I think you know they can guide their children to helping them to understand older adults more helping them to understand what you know the grandparent is going through and you know a lot of times we can just get stuck into serving the older adult to serving our grandparents go help your grandparent with this, but I think really focusing on getting to know them as a person were touched on this earlier, but you don't have to live close to grandparents in order for this to work right, absolutely not. I think definitely if you are caring for the physical needs of an older person for grandparent then being local definitely does help, but I think like I said before, because it has forced us to find other ways to connect and so now are not falling into the habit of just visiting and bringing something or having dinner and that's all I think we've gotten really creative and you know during this time. Actually, I've been thinking about "The 5 Love Languages" and just the ways that we can love on older people in our lives differently so I mean I don't know if it helps to give some examples through diet for like words of affirmation or first lot. I realize that my kids they have different gifts and they are different and it may have different love languages so you know when it comes to words of affirmation, there are some kids and I have one in particular is pretty chatty and so when she called grandparents or great-grandmother. She can have a great conversation with an you know that's tons of fun. We've done letters written letters and Dunmore snail mail delete we ever did before and that it goes along the lines of quality time to sell a lot of our quality time with you know my mom and my mother-in-law have been spent asking questions about their history so that part has been really fun for us because this year is my first year homeschooling so you know we've asked a lot of questions about Peano what type of house did you live in when you are my age or know what were your favorite toys to play with or where did you get your clothes from and so I could go along.

You know the whole thing.

I don't know if that's helpful, but you know there's so many different ways that we can reach out and it doesn't require just being there in person like that.

Gary even what we example you gave of watching this I mean you were giving quality time to your granddaughter as you watch a little words of affirmation, just saw you, but it's almost like you can. I don't think we think about okay, what's my grandparents wrote were my parents love languages. What speaks most to them and and to run toward the talk about that.

Gary I think publisher goes both ways. Grandparents want to feel love brother grandchildren doses grandchildren will do for your love, brother, grandparents, and if we discover the love language concepts is as adults. You can do so to children loosely maneuvered by get the concept that has a low blind mom is lovely grandmother is a love language and we get we put that in the mix were meeting a real basic need that all of the sale. That is to feel loved by the significant people in our lives. So think this is a lot of application there. I think I can get very silent sale even when I think about like gifts. Kids love wrapping gifts and if they wrap just anything they could take a paperclip and send it to their parent would be happy right so I think it can be so much fun. I think now that we have technology as part of the piece you not to be in acts of service, staying where a grandchild is teaching the grandparent helping them to figure out soon so they can participate in choir practice every week. Still so I can get so fun and so creative. Depending on the child and her granddaughters was really artistic and so we went to was really very young. She would do paintings you know and give those to us snow simple things with third different developmental level so the whole thing of giftgiving grandparents love to give gifts to grandchildren, but gradually learn how to give gifts to grandparents as well so water as a parent who's trying to help child still in the home relate to grandparents, what are the key components of fostering these relationships. I think one of the components is just to get away from that service project mentality and to realize that there are benefits you know this is a mutual thing so you know we can serve their grandparents that they also have so much to share with us. So a lot of times in our in our culture, we just think of it as what can we do to help the older person said just to see it as a two way thing I think that frequency piece I mentioned before, just realizing that you know saying good morning and even if it's 32nd conversation and you do that every week.

Wow what a difference that can make an interest to remember that we as parents work were like the playmakers for the connectors to bring the two generations together and and really that's my goal to help parents to know how to do that you mentioned earlier, the whole concept of questions in teaching children how to ask questions because but almost surely know what to ask. You know they're in the process of developing their own vocabulary and everything else, but I think give parents can list a series of questions which you can ask your grandmother on this phone call or in this next visit. You know, and then come back and tell us what she said what he said to be another another component. This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" were talking with Isabel Tom today, author of the value of wrinkles, a young perspective on how loving the old will change your life. Find out more at 5lovelanguages.com was a bill we're talking about helping parents or convicted their children with grandparents and sometimes other trusted adults in their lives, intentional, is that a good word to describe what you're trying to do in this book, absolutely.

I think we need to be intentional about it and said it just kinda throwing grandparents and grandchildren in the same room and expecting them to be able to relate and connect on their own. So you see some of the major challenges that parents face as they try to get their kids to appreciate and respect and honor and interact with their grandparents or with other overdose while I think one is that biggest challenges I see one of the major challenges is first for the older adult for the grandparent.

I think a lot of times in in our society as someone ages they don't see their own value and said they kinda withdraw and isolate themselves and sometimes a knee asking her why does it even matter that uninvolved is a grandparent so I think that's why parents need to be the playmakers need to be the connectors because we want our parents to know how special they are and you know how much of an impact they can make and so I think it's really easy for them to feel disconnected and in a minute bringing your book.

Screen kids because I did read that and you know there's so many distractions out there that prevents our younger generation from being able to have relationships right and obviously technology is a huge piece of that. So you know I think we have to. We play a part in just helping to bridge that understanding. I think on the side of the you know the child or teenager or young adults you know the challenges. Sometimes they really don't care. So to be honest. Growing up in a multigenerational household.

I'm thinking about myself, you know, II reaps the benefits of having my grandparents there to give me attention, but I wasn't really thinking about how I could reach out to them. You know, so I think there is this piece where parents week we can make this into a really beautiful relationship, but I like I said before, I don't think it happens naturally and I think what we can do. For example, a lot of times grandparents may feel disconnected or you know they may look on their grandchildren say I know there always on their phone but I think what we can do as parents is is to make our children look good to their grandparents. It's true, our kids have things that they need to work on and we are trying to help them to build character and things like that that even saying things like Johnny the other day he was playing a soccer game and usually seen hand you know he kept getting back up and he kept trying and he you know he finally was able to score a goal or yet he just gave his best and it was awesome in messages highlighting and encouraging markets at the same times and to just build that relationship requested about technology is a challenge in this whole process erupted because some children to go over the grandparents there pulling out their phone and there sitting there on the couch and with her. The face of the screen grid purchases and clicking will about looking over here that we could talk and we deploy we could so grandparents and parents need to get together and go talk about what what what will what do we want to do when the kids come not just let them sit around on the screen over to write I think that's why we have to be intentional about it because I called back is to take out you know the iPad and let them watch something while you're at your grandparents house. So yes, deftly being intentional interest just realizing you know I think those stories that grandparents have we have to kind of pull them out because they can come from when you know the older person was five that they may not many have not thought of that while you know so really try to pull out these stories and to help the older person just to see how much value they have, honey, how much experience they have to share. And yet it can be really exciting you could probably make a movie out of every unit grandparents life through gurus so much there but they have to pull it out your first questions both his parents and grandchildren are your lower grandparents who are frustrated her feel neglected by their children and grandchildren can grandparents communicate some of it hurt in a constructive way. Rather than just coming across is condemning the virtue of their grown children. Yeah, I think that is you probably can speak on this better than I can that I would say that and I've noticed that sometimes the older person wants to spend time with their family. You know what they want that relationship, but a lot of times they may withdraw and they don't they don't want to burden their family so they don't see anything that it can come out in different ways. It can come out in frustration and sometimes they just call don't call because they don't want to bother them that I would encourage the older person to just keep doing what you doing you know keep calling and checking on your adult child and checking on your grandchildren keep writing the letters keep texting on and and I think it might be worse trying to be more direct because I know my kids are young and I am trying to do all the things I'm trying to handle so much responsibility sometimes and sometimes it's hard to figure out the hidden message that you know our parents are aging parents want to spend time with us so you know sometimes we need somebody to be direct with us. My mom has said to two older sisters and she has said before, I want to have dinner with you, but not with the kids around. So for her birthday. You know my was three girls her three girls and then Hearn and we had dinner with her and I think she really appreciated that undivided attention that sometimes she doesn't get because all of her grandchildren. She's got nothing grandchildren and they're all running around in this has been an important piece for her to communicate that to us. You might dad passed away six years ago.

So even as she is grieving. That is one of the ways that we have been able to support her, but sometimes we just needed to hear from her because we didn't know what she needed.

We didn't know what she wanted when I hear the grandparents are the grandchildren are 15 grandchildren 20 grandchildren of Eskimo soil power the world be related to 20 grandchildren will live to one of the things of know my grandson through the years is every summer as his mother if it's okay if I can take him on a trip somewhere, in some pleasures is that they are to something just a whole week we go somewhere and we both have memories of your building memories and then another thing we did was we took the initiative to admit it. Grandparents do this thing to have a vacation spot where we take the grandchildren with their parents on vacation for a week. We go to the beach. Of course your North Carolina and our grandchildren else you know, one of our best memories growing up this week at the beach together so building memories with the books. As grantors we can take initiative to regularly throughout the ideas of things that maybe we like to be with her grandchildren.

Absolutely I think that communication is just so important. So what are some specific things that parents can do to help their children value and connected with grandparents and other riddles well when I think as helping them to realize what impact that they can have and that they have a superpower and I do use those words. I think as I sent you this superpower you know to bless your grandparents when Alice give you a story is when I place when my kids were older. Two were one and three. I had brought them to I would bring them to a nursing home sometimes to visit an older friend that we had and before you know we would be in the parking lot before we went and I would tell my daughter it was three I would say you know all you have to do is to smile and to say hello and I think we just point out either what they're already doing that brings her grandparents away or what they can do you know all you have to do is smile and say hello to you know I think that gives send this email energy to want to make a difference and to want to bless the older person in their life.

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Talk about the low side letters so parents can help their children to reach out to the owner of the grandparents and ministry in their lives talking further about the while I think one of the key pieces I often see that this thing were trying to email help our children to appreciate their grandparents or appreciate older people is just helping them to understand what's going on so I think this have to happen when they are with their grandparents. It can happen eat at home.

It's something that can happen daily is just encourage him to assess questions so you know, they may ask something like, you know, why is grandpa so angry, and then that gives you the opportunity say what you know sometimes when you're older, it can be hard because there are a lot of different things that are going on and whether it's a sleep issue or the fact that maybe you know grandma just passed away and it was hard for him you you have the opportunity to explain to them what's happening for me when my my grandma when I lived with her. She would always pick through the trash and I got so frustrated because we can throw anything away. Now as a child that somebody explain to me you know that she didn't have a lot when she was younger.

That would, you know, kinda connect the dots for me and help me to understand them and not to judge it. As you know, and grandma always does this. It just helps us to understand and value them more so also that fear piece so one time when we are visiting the nursing home again when my daughter is three or four week we saw man and he was sitting in a wheelchair and he had a hook as his hand and frankly I was a little scared to because I had never seen anybody with a hook hand but I'm glad I ended up talking to him and he and that's explaining to us that you know his arm had been amputated and the hook actually allowed him to pick up things and do you know do different things that he needed to do throughout the day on his own independently and so I think will only talk to our kids and we learn alongside with them.

That really helps them not to be afraid. Teaching the children of those questions can be really, really about this anger situation quarter for five euro. Six euros goes to the grandfather Grove otherworldly: why are you so angry, going from a five-year-old much improved computer yet. I know absolutely and I've I've had situations where I've heard children say things that you adults are not a lot when be allowed to say the older person. So there I like to say unity can bless without baggage. There is so much grace in that relationship because we expect children to be immature except him not to know things and in you know it can make the grandparent laugh and I'm I would be surprised if you know he's that story when he's talking his friends are talking to somebody about how funny his grandchild was because there grandchild. His grandchild asked him why you so angry though we been talking more about the younger children, but this does apply all the way through the teenagers right will absolutely you know when I that's actually the time when I it kind.

I connected the dots and I realize while I can have such an impact on you know my grandparents and in the older generation. It was one is in my 20s and I think you know teenagers and young adults.

They are often really zealous to make a difference in the world.

But then there comes a point where they may say I can't drive.

I don't have money and I have a job I can't travel my parents let me do anything. But in this context right they can they can make such a difference right in their own families. If I could talk to every single youth group in the world wide that you know even looking at the verse in first Timothy first 95, for you know it says it talks about widows and it says if she has grandchildren. No children or grandchildren. Their first responsibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of fun. This is something that pleases God. You know, I think that would help a teenager or young adult or college-age kids just to see you know that this might be an area where it is an area where we can really serve God, and it doesn't have to require any of the things you know going overseas or anything real for go of these parents who have children at home for aging parents call them the sandwich generation the code in between, but sometimes we feel overwhelmed with all the got to do with their children and then the other needs of the of the older adults in the grandparents, what word of encouragement. Can you give to people who are really struggling with that pressure well you know when you're in the role of raising kids and then also carrying and supporting for aging parents, and especially if your aging parents. You know have a lot of physical needs. That is a lot you know that if God has blessed you with parents and children then you know by helping to build those intergenerational relationships then I think that's a guess that God has given to lighten your load to you know to ease the pressure of all the responsibility in their and you know when your kids may crumble like I was saying when I was younger I did grumble to my parents, they may ask you know why you have to do this but you know they as you teach them. As you guide them as you help and understand what's going on and prompts them or they can help make caring for an aging parent so much easier and I like to say that their secret weapon they ought to have that superpower in when your parents, your aging parents when they feel valued.

Then you have built this trust that makes caring for them so much easier and not something I seen professionally I seen in my own family, but I seen it professionally and many other families. You know that you build a stronger relationship, and that just makes such a huge difference in an ultimately you are teaching your kids how you want to be cared for is a huge this is a great investment and and that's what has happened in my family you know my dad passed away before my my grandma so my grandma turned 100.

One might know month after my dad passed away and throughout my dad's cancer journey. My sisters and I we really you know we took care of my grandma as a way to honor my dad and he taught us how to do that and we took care of him as well. So there is a huge investment in trying to build those intergenerational relationships is will we talked earlier about prompting children trying to stimulate them to get involved with good birds give us some additional ideas on where the wood and what kind of things we can do what I think we can you know incentivize them if they're younger sometimes and that I wouldn't be afraid to do that, you know, for my kids. We have to, you know, play piano, we've got to do our Chinese homework in all these different things and I out in there. Call your grandparents and sometimes you know that connection, and it's just having them to build into their daily routine, but I think also one of the fun ways that we can prompt fun is again through stories so my house is going fishing with my son he can say you know grandpa used to love fishing is really got it at the good at it you should you should ask him about it and what types of fish he caught or even no sharing things like when I was little, you know I a lot of tantrums. You should ask grandma what she did. When I cried all the time asking what my consequence was, you know, and I think it does. Bringing out giving us opportunities for your parents to talk about their life and to share their stories can be a lot of fun and I think our kids they love hearing stories and I think these are the things that in the long run they remember. I don't think they usually remember the things that we tell them things that we tell them to do that.

I think they remember the stories and the lessons that are connected to them things like you from a grandparents at times, as we feel a sense of responsibility to share our stories, but will we get those books that you're supposed to fill out were overwhelmed, you know, just takes a lot of time and that I get tired doing that and I wonder if the if you can be the grandkids to communicate you dictate to me at all. Type this all will write this out for you so that it's a communal thing is about what you think of the oh yeah I've heard great stories about that. You even my mom has shared our parents. They want to leave a legacy for their grandchildren and so recording is one of the best ways to bless them. So yes, your homeschooling her kids make this a project I have you know a friend that I met that she is almost almost 40, so she is a mom and she wrote a two-page biography for her grandfather and then she saw him light up. She didn't have a great relationship before, but then when she saw her grandfather light up. She decided she was going make this into a longer biography, so she ended up writing something called the slices of life and it being almost 20 pages and she said that when she gave it to him. He didn't say very much, but she said he is emotional and he was really appreciative of that. So I think that is one way that we can really honor our loved ones by helping them to record it for them using our fast typing or technology skills to do all that and what a blessing that can be the loser. Great news as well.

Thank you for being with us today. Thank you for taking time to write this book on know it's going to help a lot of parents.

Consequently, influence children and grandparents. So thanks for being with us today and I pray that God will use this book in a really powerful thank you so much for having me and really appreciate it and find mom did you want to take this task.

Though the challenge that is built almost euros one way that you can do that is to read the book value wrinkles young perspective on how loving the old will change your life.

We would link to the website. Five love languages.com go to five love languages.com and next week will help prepare want to raise relationally healthy to Dr. John Trenton Dr. Dooley Wilson will join us in one week. Big thank you to our production team Steve Wick and Janice Todd relationship with Dr. Gary Chapman's production of radio Chicago in association with publishers a ministry at Moody Bible. Thanks for listening