Marriage 101: Happily Even After

Everybody you're listening to a new beginning, which is a podcast made possible by harvest partners. If this program is impacted you, I love to hear from you. So just send an email to me at greg@harvest.org again it's greg@harvest.org you can learn more about becoming harvest partner by going to harvest.org often and mirroring bounces may see things differently and creates attention. Pastor Greg Lori Susan. Be careful about calling in irreconcilable differences. So tell me about irreconcilable differences.

I've had irreconcilable to my wife of 44 year irreconcilable seasoning and I'm missing she likes British traumas and I like she's cute and I'm irreconcilable and that's the perfect recipe for conflict. How can couples learn to disagree agreeably bring harmony to the home when each spouse is singing a different today on a new beginning for Greg.

Lori brings a practical study of biblical marriage.

Sometimes that relationship can be filled with questions answers are easy to find the attention for a new presentation. Marriage 101 celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, so the husband took the Wi-Fi they had made a dramatic announcement in front of friends and family. He said dear wife I love you so much and in honor of 25 years with you.

25 years of really wedded bliss. I would it take you to China. She was so excited she said I've never been to China before. Thank you.

So if that's what you do for our 25th anniversary. What will you do for our 50th. He says that's when I'll pick you up. Maybe that's why someone said marriage is like a three ring circus engagement ring and wedding ring suffering so you don't want that to happen and it doesn't have to happen J. Paul Getty was one of the wealthiest men that ever lived. Also one of the most miserable man that ever lived. He made this statement and I quote I would give my entire fortune for one happy marriage. One happy marriage is that even possible in our culture today. The divorce rate is around 50% or less, but that arises when you get to the second marriage, or close to 60% then you go to 1/3 marriage goes up to 73%. So you wonder is it even possible. I'll tell you what I told you this before but my mother was verdant or seven-time so I kinda know a little bit about divorce. I'd not been divorced, but I've seen it up close and personal. I know about the devastation of divorce and I want to do everything I can to encourage you when that day comes, if you're single and you get married to honor that commitment for a lifetime to keep your eyes wide open before marriage and then pass out afterwards okay to know what you're getting yourself into. I think sometimes you think marriage should be like a fairytale and they lived happily ever after. Well doesn't always work out that way but I do believe you can live happily even after not ever offer even after if you do it God's way. The lead to sort of establish a factor that I think we would all agree on culture by culture I mean media, Hollywood, television, etc. doesn't know anything about how to have a good marriage so we don't need to listen to them ineffective anything in many ways it seems like culture is almost opposed to a happy marriage. I mean look at all the celebrities you know they marry each other and their marriages are oval over so quickly.

Some years ago to brought very Pamela Anderson. The marriage lasted four months in a Zellweger married country star Kenny Chesney four months. The marriage lasted Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds two weeks with a link of their marriage, Electra and Dennis Rodman. That was six day Sinead O'Connor entered her fork marriage. After 16 days, Channing Tatum and Jenna Duan Tatum recently divorced after nine years of marriage in their divorce announcement. They made this statement.

They lovingly have chosen to separate lovingly chosen to separate one Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin of Coldplay, a divorce they described it as a conscious uncoupling a conscious uncoupling told little keno were learning their telling us what they're doing.

A conscious uncoupling and lovingly choosing to separate about consciously choosing to lovingly stay together. Instead that's possible. It's possible, but some wonder. I just read an article the other day about a well-known actress to got a divorce and she said I don't want to sound cynical about marriage or be better but I don't know people are meant to be together forever. The article went on to say she is not alone in wondering that there is no doubt, particularly as lifespans of increase that there's less certainty about finding and keeping lifelong love with just one person.

A survey conducted among millennial's from 43% would support what they call data marriage model which means you test the relationship for two years before you decide whether or not you're going to commit to it or dissolve it and then 36 of the above percent of the millennial's back. The real estate marriage model real estate marriage model which couples would commit to a set period of time ranging from 5 to 30 years that the end you have to renegotiate if they want to remain married Kate, to save you a lot of trouble arriving and here's what it is a real estate model and the beta model are not going to work and here's why. Studies show that those that lived together have a far higher divorce rate than those who don't live together affect couples who live together are are losing out in 85% of their marriages. So if you want to set your marriage up for failure lived together. Try the beta model try the real estate model or better yet try God's model, which is it's a life long commitment. I wish we could strike the word divorce from our vocabularies. If you really go into thinking you're going to get out of it here. There don't go into it. Stay single.

Instead because God has a plan. There's a TV show on right now is called marriage, a first side and it features people who agreed to participate in an extreme experiment each covenants legal marriage with a complete stranger. So you walk and you've never met this person you make a commitment. I'm going to marry them put a nice wedding on for you all the trimmings all the good things you know and it's all there in television and I and the and they say it's gonna work because they have specialists helping you, which include a spiritualist. A relationship coach and a sociologist using scientific matchmaking methods to determine each couple who have not yet met will have a marriage that lasts less than what could go wrong. If you have a spiritualist counseling you write. They have a 22% success rate. Your bedrock is going on randomly doing it on your own. But this is the kind of thing people look to as a possible example we need to make a commitment for a lifetime. And if you want to know how to have a successful marriage. God is giving you a user's manual. It's called the Bible and it works good work.

PIP only basic instructions before leaving earth so check the user's manual tells you how to have a successful and a blessed marriage as well.

You don't know Greg what were going through in our marriage we have irreconcilable differences when you talking about irreconcilable differences. I've had irreconcilable differences with my wife for 44 years there irreconcilable.

She's need and I messy she sometimes laid I'm often early. She likes British TV dramas and I like shoot them up. She's cute and I'm fat, it's irreconcilable.

So tell me about irreconcilable differences. Question what attracted you to your spouse in the first place. Probably the fact that they were different than you give her the expression opposites attract there's truth to that. You didn't want someone just like you, so you probably pick someone that in some ways was your opposite and now that difference that attracted you as somehow at least in your mind, turn in some why chasm that you describe as irreconcilable or an obstacle that is insurmountable. Note listen, you make a commitment for life and we all recognize we need to constantly grow in our marriage is when someone comes to me and the wife says you know that it's all his fault and and then he says no it's all her fault. Are you know I can see what the problem is they're not taking any responsibility there sene it's all them. It's not me both people have to work at having a good marriage. It doesn't happen by accident and you can have. I have been blessed marriage to Greg Laurie will have the second half of today's presentation. Just a moment. Sometimes, we can always make sure here's the good news church is coming to you is coming due on your TV screen or on your tablet or your computer or even your phone. We do it every weekend and it's called Harvest at Home. We worship we have a message of the word of God. You want to find out more, just go to harvest.org enjoy this this weekend for harvestable recently. Pastor Greg was joined by several others on stage to address questions from the congregation on the subject of marriage. The discussion begins with pastor Jason Powell. All right, it's okay to say thank you for all of the questions that you been texting in. We got some amazing ones and a few moments now just to hear from the panel really just practical cookies on the bottom shelf. How do we deal with marriage and the problems in marriage is a right out of the gate. You know Pastor Greg someone asked this question to you and Kathy. What are some challenges that you and Kathy faced early on in your marriage and how did you get through them. They were right there what we had some good sets are shared we not far along we quarreled before we got married, quarreled after we got married.

Be totally honest with you, marriage does not six who you are. It shows you who you are and then you have a choice to surrender to the Lord and repent of your sin, but I I'm telling you that marriage will show you faster your flies than almost anything else you bringing a person. Another sinful fly person into close proximity your living with them under the same roof and you and one another. Those things often in the other person. Unfortunately, and they see the menu and ceiling. Greg and I first got married, pastor I was married to a pastor I love the Lord. I was in the church doesn't mean that marriage is and we had our corals that I will stay there that early on in our courtship, we determined to put God at the center and that that we decided that we would follow his book and it wasn't about that marriage wasn't about personal self-fulfillment as much is it wise we were entering into a promise into a covenant with God and his word was going to be held both of us agreed to and through the portals into the panties fights and things like that that we had over the years, the Lord brought us to each other. Time and time again. Sometimes he be the first one to you now just common reach out and sometimes I would be the first line that both of us had made that clear before we got married and I think that's really important that you walk into it with your eyes wide open it. You do know marriage is hiring is not easy.

Things are high and we did in anyway right unit in great football player, a great ballerina tell me you don't suffer to get there. Marriage is like You want a great marriage enough to work hard at it, God will give you the grace and strength as you see can and that you recognize that you are married to a sinner is married to the center and that somehow in the middle of all that the Holy Spirit has his place and can transform lives.I would add to that that I think that instead of selfishness. It needs to be selflessness and if you pick a guy or girl say I'm a number them in their my project and I want to fix them.

Don't marry them. Because here's reality they may end up worse than they are now okay Obama to change the know you probably are going to just be a more exaggerated version of the person you see value in life. So if you're not down with that. If you can live with that.

Maybe you shouldn't go into that marriage but I think a key agenda. You learn that need to learn how to fight fair. When I think by confirming you, you're going to have disagreements about a couple coming to see me Horgan I want to get married unless a member you had the disagreement yet no say no. We love each other so much. We never disagree also get out of here and go up a fight. You know because you have to learn how to have conflict resolution in the fight fair. So here's just a couple of rules. Never let it get physical. You know you never strike each other, don't throw things even don't even let it turn into a screaming match. Try to hear what the other person is saying listen to them and then the key operative principle from Scripture, is don't let the sun go down on your anger other words, don't go to bed angry at each other get it resolved and honestly, someone's gotta take point and I really I think husbands should be the one to do it because were to love your wife as Christ loves the church so there's a conflict and maybe in your mind.

She's wrong and you're right.

Still seek to resolve the conflict and sometimes what you find out is actually she wasn't wrong you were wrong or you both were wrong or whatever, who cares get it resolved.

Don't let the sun go down on your ink okay so you got some questions and is directed toward some of the young girls.

How do you guys deal with fights or disagreements. Greg just touched on this question, but now for you that's been married a little less time. You're not as comfortable or don't know each other as well.

How do you deal with fights. We actually have a rule we don't use the D word we never call each other Dort so your dork I'm just getting if the course we never use the word divorce and since we know that were never going to get a divorce. We might as well get this resolved.

There's no reason to go on angry. If we go if it were to be together forever's let's get this resolved right now and get it over and done weblog should be at this.

I love that lie just like the word divorce on the new whatever the conflict is a job we have this conflict working to get through this and just don't have that as an option really quickly to you and anything that has really helped.

Ice is not so much as focusing on each other, but focusing on the problem at hand and not something that helps us to fight fair like fascinating sent so kind of pulling often what the problem is with each other and think they went really. The problem here and you actually kind of tackling mapping together and incentive fighting each other so it's really nice when guide to different types of marriages.

There is a person the road and has an amazing marriage but they want to make it better and they want to know how do you introduce devotions or reading the Bible together.

What do you each of the couples do to help your marriage become more godly while we could start you know basically we start every day with God's word. You know I basically all read my devotional Kathy will rehearse and will talk about what were reading will of an ongoing discussion. I think it's a really good way to start the day, but I don't think you should limited to just the beginning of the day. I think it's an ongoing conversation, you should have throughout the day were always talking about God's word. How it applies to this situation, that situation and of course you know we both teach.

She teaches about the way girls, if you don't come to the virtues studies that the Kathy leads a virtue ministry, which is our ministry for women here at the church. You should come. It's amazing and covered, so she's always studying I'm usually studying and of course as well. So we have a lot of discussions all run messages by current thoughts and that so it's kind of an ongoing conversation, you know, Moses talked about when you're raising your children teach in the word of God.

When you light out when you rise up. When you walk in the way so I think sometimes we can we overthink devotions devotions devotions lifted. You know how long should devotions the just relax okay. Just read the Bible and talk about the Bible and let it be a part of the woof and warp of your life and even better yet, we would do all of your life, not only in the morning but you know throughout the day. In the evening to grow in a marriage, you need to like anything else need to continually work at 44 years. We still work on it on. It's not the same. That will okay here's the interesting thing the thinking of the person you're marrying.

Wait five years you're going to be used for different people – 1970 when you get married 73 been married to five different men and they've all been Greg and so you and I think that brief you know part of it just be learning growing and improving diagram you have a yard many of us have gardens and yards.

What is it take to maintain a high do you do you plant flowers one day and expect 44 years later I was writing.

Now you have to pull means you have to build fences. You have to repair we lived in our house.

Now, 20 years and you know it's like 20 years everything but the work on it. Constant attention and a little bit every day. Don't ever take your hand up the wheel them.

Never put increase control because the law of entropy.

I think someone mentioned that one of the messages. Everything is going to slide downward and so you have to be working on so strong that needs constant attention today on a new beginning. We been hearing from You, Lori and Pastor Greg Laurie and his other guests on stage, Pastor Jason Powell along with Sarah and Pastor Elijah Braggs yesterday were making available a great book by Dr. Tony Evans and actually all of his kids as well is called divine disruption talking about hope in spite of tragedy crisis and loss.

That's right.

Is it fair to say that we are all either going through a crisis or we've gone through a crisis or are about to go through a crisis of the person or says no crises here. I don't need that book that's just foolish.

It is given time. You know, as I've often said you're either going into a storm you're pulling out of one they enjoy those in-between times for sure. But you know here's a reality date in our times of crisis in the storms of life if you will. We learn things that we don't learn anywhere else. As I've said before, fruit does not grow on mountaintops, a grows in spiritual valleys subsequent to a valley right now a hardship if you lost a loved one recently or you yourself are suffering.

This book is really going to be an encouragement to you because it's written in real time.

This is some this is a book that is honest, it's heartfelt, it's candid, it's biblical.

It's hopeful it's it's encouraging. So it kind of fires in every cylinder.

As you mentioned, written by Tony Evans and members of his family. In light of the loss of their wonderful mother and Tony's wife Lois Evans but but this is a book that just tells you how to deal with these issues, how to grapple with it because you know when we lose loved ones. As Christians we we mourn and we should more. In fact, it's very important to mourn the Bible even says there's a time to laugh, and there's a time to mourn, but during that time of morning during those times of sorrow you come closer to the Lord Jesus said blessed or happy are they that mourn for they shall be comforted. It's almost as though you could translate that happy are the unhappy. I know that doesn't make sense. But here's what insane it causes you to turn to God and find the strength you need one little quote in the book that I love goes as follows. There is no better summary of a successful life. Lois Evans serve the purposes of God in her generation.

And then she fell asleep. You know Dave, this phrase falling asleep is used in the Bible and it is only used of a believer dying never of a nonbeliever. And I think it's just the perfect picture because me think of falling asleep. That is not the worst thing that can happen, that did you get older you start enjoying naps right and it's worth noting that when young Stephen was actually dying of violent death. The Bible says he fell asleep and I love this part with a right Lois serve the purposes of God in her generation. Look every one of us has a beginning, a middle and an end to our life. Here's the question how we can live the life we have nothing to do with the date of our birth really nothing to do with the data of our death but we have everything to do with that – in the middle. Lois Evans lived her life. Well she serve God's purposes in her generation. Raising amazing children that all love the Lord and are serving the Lord today.

Also there alongside Tony. I know he misses her so deeply. But you're going to be blessed by this book.

Is this going to help you as you go through your times of difficulty as well.

The title of the book is divine disruption.

I will send you a copy for your gift of any size whatever you can send in return we will invest in this ministry so we can continue to bring a message of hope to people literally around the world. Yeah, that's right. When you give to us you're really giving through us. We take your investment and put it to work. Reaching those who need biblical hope and direction. Those who need to hear the gospel we hear from people every day who've had their lives impacted and changed through this outreach and you can have a part in helping a continue with your donation today. When you make that donation. Be sure to ask for this new book divine disruption. You can call us at 1-800-821-3300. That's 1-800-821-3300 and you can call anytime 24 seven or write a new beginning. Box 4000, Riverside, CA 92514 or go online to harvest.for next time more practical counsel Pastor Greg message called marriage 101, including some time-tested insight and avoiding infidelity join us here on a new beginning.

Pastor and Bible teacher Greg Laurie new beginning as a podcast, made possible by harvest partners, helping people everywhere know God if this show has impacted your life. Share your story leverage you on your favorite podcast and help others find hope