SM120129/Hope For Hurting Marriages

This is an audio recording from harvest orange county California. For more Bible teaching email daily devotions or to download the free harvest app for your iPhone, iPad or android go online to harvest.org listserv. The Bible is not a Matthew chapter 19 Matthew 19. Let's start with a word of prayer. Father we come here tonight, believing that the Bible is the word of God and believing that you want to speak to us through it.

So we come with a sense of need with recognition of your awesomeness in your power, speak to us from your word and I pray for every married person here tonight Lord that you will bless their marriage if it's strong make it stronger. If it's week bring it to where it needs to be events hanging by a thread of revive it tonight. Lord, we commit these people to you now in Jesus name we pray.

Amen. The title of my messages. Hope for hurting marriages are destroyed about fourth grade Sunday school teacher who was doing a talk on marriage, so she turned to her class and said kids. Does anyone know what the Bible says about marriage. One little boy raises and seems like it's always a little boy and he says yes to Scripture I'm thinking of is father forgive them for they know not what they do not. Judging by the way a lot of marriages go these days you can almost understand why he would say that I've often said marriage is like a three week ring circus engagement ring wedding ring and suffering Douglas Oscar Wilde. That said, my quote the world is grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life." J. Paul Getty, one of the richest men who ever lived said, quote I would give my entire fortune for one happy marriage. She had five of them currently none of them were ever happy so I happy marriage is that even possible can a man and a woman fall in love like they do in the married fairytales and live happily ever after well with the divorce rate where it's at today. One wonders at somewhere around 50%, give or take a couple of points in and it continues to rise. The more times you're married, the higher the percentages are that you will get divorced up if you been married a second time. Your divorce rate could be at 60% and for third marriage advises even higher to 73%, but the title of my message is not no hope for hurting marriages. It's hope for hurting marriages menus are listening to this message right now your marriage is a big trouble. It's hanging by a thread in the thread is on fire. You're even considering divorce you've given up but I want to offer hope from the word of God so that to that earlier question. Is it possible to have a happy and fulfilling marriage. I believe the answer is a resounding yes. Quick product promotion. I wrote a book called Mary Hackworth. My wife and I are on the cover because were married happily, it can be done and it wasn't true. I wouldn't tell you it was true. So I want you to experience that as well.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not suggesting that there's a marriage that has no problems or want face challenges. Every marriage comes under pressures and difficulties and hardships, but I do believe it is possible to have a very fulfilling marriage. If you do it right and I think I can speak with some experience on this topic for three reasons.

Number one, I've been up close and personal with the board. I myself have never been divorce, but my mother was married and divorced seven times. Don't tell me it doesn't affect the kids. Anyone who says that is never had parents who divorce I know how it affected me.

It was devastating and so I've seen what divorce can do. In fact, that very thing caused me to have a greater determination to find the right girl and have a successful marriage. Personally, the second reason I think I can address this topic is because I've been married now for 37 years and I'm thankful to God for that. We give the Lord the glory for that and I do when you look at my wife you think she'll seem to look like she's 37 years old, but it's hard to believe 37 years. And thirdly, I've been counseling people with marital problems for almost 40 years now I've pretty much heard and seen it all and let me say this at the beginning. I believe that most of the divorces that have happened did not need to happen now.

There are exceptions to that and we will grant that, but I'm just saying.

Most of them did not have to happen.

I've seen marriages in the worst shape imaginable be put back together. So when someone comes in the me for counseling. I'll often ask him a few questions all start with. Are you guys both Christian and almost always the O yes were Christians and that, for Wicker to see you so that all summa let me ask you to believe that the Bible is the word of God and then those old yes we leave the Bible's order that we love the word of God.

Now, third question, are you willing to do with the Bible says even if you find it difficult no will.

Now they know they're in trouble and they they want to say yes, but they kind of have a sense as to where I'm going. Quite frankly, if they cannot answer yes to all three of those questions.

The conversation is effectively over all I know you're going to say our situation is different. Greg you don't understand, but you know what the effect of the matter is your situation probably is a different is just the same problems that other people are facing so there's a we need to consider. We need a biblical worldview on merit.

In other words, we need to think about this biblically, not emotionally, and we can take our cues from culture what is culture know about marriage was Hollywood know about marriage. These people can keep anything together.

I mean, I don't want to pick on her.

But Kim Kardashian's wedding is a classic example and how can he not acknowledge it because $10 million and I think my wedding cost like eight bucks or something a long time ago. It was one 24 million TV viewers whatever lasted 72 days seems like of a marriage goes out longer that short, I should say everyone to get their kicks back again, you know, that's not the only short Hollywood marriage with in the news of late is Katy Perry and Russell Brand are divorcing after 14 months together, Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson were married to do even though that they lasted four months. René Zellweger and Kenny Chesney lasted four months any mercy and Tracy Edmonds lasted two weeks. Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman lasted six days and not making this up.

Singer Sinead O'Connor just entered their fourth marriage. After 16 days, so I don't know about you but I'm not looking to pop stars or movie stars or secular culture to tell me how to have a successful marriage. I'm in a go to an authoritative source and that is the word of God. That's the only way we can pull this off. We need Godself right now. Prior to getting married. Kathy and I courted for three years at the word you don't hear very often but the we love each other but you know, frankly, we argued a lot and we broke up three times and they were breakups like never want to see you again. But as time went by I realized that I really loved her, and as the Bible says in the song of Solomon.

Many waters cannot quench love.

Neither can floods drown it and so I recognize that that this love is real and it was from God because it grew stronger with the passing of time. James Dobson said and I quote don't marry the person you think you can live with Mary.

Only the individual you think you can live without and I think that's right. And I think I have found the secret to a successful marriage. So if you come here looking for tips or secrets. I got one for you know you might even write this down secret to a successful marriage, a ready marry yourself know I'm serious at it work for me because on my wedding day. Pastor Chuck married us any pronounced Oz man and wife. He said I now pronounce that Greg and Lori are man and wife. He got confusing set of Greg and Kathy was Greg and Lori see having a sister start affect people say to my wife of them.

Hi Lori and earnings Kathy for the color Lori that's all right. So I found the secret to a successful marriage marry yourself regularly got married. That was a joke by the way, if you didn't understand when that was going you're thinking is not true.

And how is that possible, it was a joke. Obviously not a very good one, but I marriages been tested like anyone else's mighty storm, and the most devastating storm was when our son died. Many marriages don't survive that, but that we look to the Lord and he's gotten us through it and I might say he's getting us through it were certainly not over it by any stretch of the imagination, but marriages come under attack. Marriage face pressures marriage face marriages face hardship and the question is what you building your foundation on Jesus said at the end of the sermon on the Mount anyone who listens to my teaching and obeys me is why like a personal build itself on solid rock though the rain comes in torrents in the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it was built on a rock, but if anyone occurs my teaching ignores it peaceful is like a person who builds a house on sand and when the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will fall with a mighty crash.

So here's my question for you is your marriage built on the rock or is it on the rocks building on crimes to be rebuilt a sand castle on the beach there there so much fun to put together and then some wake of the ship God or some crazy two-year-old comes over and stomps on it, you know what that's what happens this time it happens to marriages that are built on said they will not survive in a marriage that is built on the rock will not only survive but it will get stronger through these things and noticed Jesus did not say if the rains and floods, but rather when the rains and floods come into every life a little rain must fall. It's been said and sometimes it's a light drizzle and other times it a mighty hurricane, but you may not know this, and I really never shared this before but I thought this would be a good time to reveal that I have actually been married to five different women absolutely true. Maybe more. I lost track. Interestingly, you're the identity I've lost my mind.

I love this. I love this kind of tension over the created yeah interestingly, have any of you figured out where I'm going with this. Jenna get some of your alarm, I like so much as lingered in the awkwardness for a moment and all of these women. I've been married to. Interestingly all you have the name Kathy which makes it even stranger.

Even more amazing is the all spell their name the same way because guess what the girl he married to today is not the same girl I married back in 1974 and I'm not the same guy she married either the Kathy of age 30 is not the same as a Kathy of age 18. That's old she was when they married her in the Kathy of age 40 is not the same as the Kathy Bates 30 and I'm not the same person I was either. The point is, you change to the passing of time. I'm happy to say that every new Kathy is better than the last one and they were all good, but to every marriages going to go through changes in every marriage is going to be tested and so we want to build our foundation on crimes. The Bible says he that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. I found that marriage house our sorrows, it doubles our joys and it quadruples our expenses, but it's all good is it comes down to one day when your life is over and that they will come is only going to be three things that really will seem to matter of those are faith, family, and to a lesser degree friends I you're looking to sit on your deathbed and fret about how much how your business is doing or how much money you make that guilty thing you me fret about this who's going to get it when you're gone because it's can it be in your rearview mirror and I can think about how many things you wanted talking to matter much to you and that date you're going to think about God and you gonna think about your family and up far too many cases, you're going to be thinking about how you did not walk with God as you showed up and you did not treat your family as you should have so instead of waiting for that they deal with it now and when you make a commitment to a person to be married you want to honor that commitment. I wish we could take the very were divorced and strike it from our vocabulary. It's brought up far too quickly. Far too easily far to casually listen web lot should be a padlock of a marriages miserable the faultlines of the participants not the institution now I'm in a deal a little bit with the board so we look at our text together. But I will say that biblical divorces are a rarity almost divorces that I've seen are. I can give you a lot of reasons why they came about, but it comes down to it cycle of selflessness to the couple gets them in itself themselves into and they divorce. And I've also seen the regret. They've had because they should have given more attention to attendance is not just me, a pastor saying this, even people were not Christians recognize that they know the effects of divorce. I read an interesting article on the Huffington Post the other day. It was written by a lady named Gigi Lavon, G.

Grazer she's a Hollywood screenwriter and and she is not writing this from a Christian perspective. As far as I could see I but she makes some really valid points and I'm a really little bit of her article to you and that she's very fond of the word sucks. Okay, so don't be offended by that they understand who's writing that what you see here what she's saying. All right, so here's what she writes from experience.

Divorced socks. I mean it really sucks God kids. If so, don't do it you probably have no reason to listen to me, but had lived a pretty long life by LA standards. I may check. I've had many life experiences among them to marriages what I've learned since is that divorce lingers. It makes you feel sad when you least expect it. Divorce colors everything oh yeah I did for my kids so they can grow up with a helping mother I happy her mother was more time for them but single mother good even with access to help is not for sissies culture.

I have more control over my children under the circumstances, but in return five more strung out and overwhelmed here. Some of her observations that she has in this article are the things that she points out why you should not get a divorce number one got a funny all men sock Jesus all y'all men are great, that all men are annoying. All men are complicated.

You get what I'm saying men are human. Weird, I know.

But basically if you hate your spouse and get divorced you be trading him for a similar model number two raising kids on your own socks. But this doesn't mean you want to reason with someone new divorce with children is mathematically speaking hundred and 80 million times worse in divorce without children. I'm sure there's a New York Times study somewhere to back me up on that kids are not better off with the board's parents that she puts in parentheses hi angry tweets from a statically divorced parents. Then she makes his quote was a really good quote psychologist Judith Wallenstein conducted a 25 year study on the effects of divorce on the children involved her book chronicling their findings is more frightening than any TV commercial advertising and Anthony Hopkins movie if you don't want to sleep at night read what she says.

For example, she points out. Children of divorce are more likely than children from intact families to drop out of school, suffered drug and alcohol problems require psychotherapy and get divorce himself number three Jesus divorce sucks because bumps in the night a single mother feels it every day when the sun goes down. There is no one there to watch her back. I have to be a combination nursemaid in Rambo. I've not slept a full night in three years.

It's hard to sleep with one eye open and a dog named Keene, it being the only thing between you and your potential threat on the stress scale divorces just a tad less stressful than the death of a spouse, presumably one you like people don't behave well under that kind of stress money is tight. The kids room said in in the air is the odor of hatred in the midst of our separation, our family therapist. The cancer survivor in her 60s 60s would been practicing for many years gave me sage advice which I was too angry or blind to it. Step she said with until the kids are launched.

Who knows, you may even find yourself in love again with your husband. She concludes I chose not to take that advice. A big part of me wishes I had gets very well written. This reminds me of a story or read a one wanted a woman went to see a lawyer. She said I wanted divorce my husband Hatem and I want to hurt so give me some advice of Turney thought about it for a moment since you have an idea. He says occasionally divorce the guy right okay secures what I suggest you do for three months. Don't criticize him inspect back speak only well attempt build them up. Tell him how wonderful he is.

Tell them how much you love him everything he does something does something nice commend him for it. Tell them what a great guy he is. For the next three months and everything here is your competent then just say, divorce to fill hurt even worse. The woman thought that sounds good.

I like that so that's what you did the next three months. She affirmed her husband.

She told him how much she loved him.

She build him up in every way that she could and then finally the divorce attorney calls and says okay let's get started. She says all know were going on our second honeymoon to see change in behavior and attorn the relationship around having a successful marriage does not happen by accident is not unlike your relationship with Christ. So you become a Christian when you put your faith in Jesus. Your walk with the Lord is developed through daily commitment through prayer, through Bible study through effort on your part. The same is true of the marriage the moment you begin the neglect of the marriage. It's going to start unraveling you have to constantly be doing everything you can to keep your marriage strong and not even for a moment, take it for granted.

So it's really know what Jesus said to those who have lost hope for their hurting marriages what he says is designed to restore hope again.

Here are the Lord's words were hurting marriages. Matthew 19 verse three the Pharisees came to him, testing him, and saying, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason, he answered and said to them, have you not read that he that made them at the beginning made them male and female, and he said for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So the two so they're no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate notes. Interesting how Jesus of being the question and take some back to the God's original plan.

Another words and sending them instead of finding a way out of marriage.

He points into the way to stay married and more importantly, he shows them how to stay married God's way. He refers them to Genesis 2. This is of course a story in place in the Garden of Eden.

He was living a perfect life and he was living in the ultimate bachelor pad. No worries, no responsibilities, just enjoying all that God gave to him. He was sort of like the first landscaper.

His job was to go round and tidy things up and take care of things and and just take it all in.

I mean you can think of a more beautiful place to work.

Adam lived in the experience. He was having the best of all, the Lord God would show up every single day and take a walk with his boy Adam in the cool of the day. It was so perfect. But something was missing or to be more specific.

Someone was mythic missing but that someone had not been created yet and so the Lord said everything was good for he created it. But then he looked at out of and said not good is the aloneness of man, and so the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and Eve was created in one than you may have never heard was at one point Adam asked God the question Lord, why did you make Eve so beautiful God said, let them so you would love her & Lord, why did you make Eve so soft, God said so you would love for God, why did you make Eve so stupid God said so she would love you all the girls again anatomy disagreements to seriously why did God bring the woman to the man God says in Genesis 218. I will make a helper comparable to him from the Hebrew, there can be translated. Someone who assists another to reach fulfillment is also translated someone who comes to rescue another Eve would provide what was missing in his life now. Here's a big thing that we all need to know. It's like marriage 101 of them to me how often people miss it. There are two operative words used here in the text by Jesus repeating what was said in Genesis that make for a successful and happy marriage and the words are leave and clean your writing notes down right those words that leave and cleave verse five.

For this reason to lament leave his father and mother and Cleveland was wife and the two shall become one flesh. So the word cleave means to glue or to cling so here's the idea it's Sever and bond. I I detach from one thing that I attached to another.

I depart from ended here to loosen and secure so successful and lasting and happy marriage begins with believing, in effect, you are leaving all other relationships and let me explain what that means. The closest relationship outside of marriage is specified here that of his son to his parents for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother. Now that doesn't mean that the boy is no longer a son to his mom and dad, but it means the dynamics of the relationship have now changed because he, as a husband and ultimately as a father is a head of all home and his now primary responsibility is not as a father and not as a son to a father or mother, but it's more as a husband to a wife, you must still honor his parents but a leaving must take place, and sometimes guys don't do this you know they want to continue to please their mother or their father or destroy one single young man wanted to get married in the worst way. So I found a really attractive girl brought her home.

His mother didn't like her. So we went out front. Another girl brought her home to meet his mom. She didn't like her either. So then he went out and found the girl that look just like his mother.

She dressed like her.

She talk like her. She acted like her in every way, but then his father didn't like curtsies. These are the jokes people for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother leaving means giving other relationships.

A lesser degree of importance of okay so listen to this. When you get married your best friend should be your spouse you have other friends. You don't have to abandon all your friends know I can do anything ever again. I'm going to go home and hang out with my best friend my wife know you can still have other relationships but your best friend is your husband your best friend is your wife.

Sometimes people ask they can you buy a best friend that's a member of the opposite sex, and known at risk. Just as the workouts get real. I mean you're having another girl and she's your body or another guy you know girls in your good friend and you call them and you can't know this is problematic. Okay, you have to understand that this relationship with your spouse is the most important relationship of all and it supersedes all other relationships.

This is very important for a wife and her husband are. They are to be the best friend of each other. Here's the key verse that explains that Malachi 213 says the Lord has been witnessed between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you been faithless although she is your companion and why companion why that's interesting doesn't just say she's your wife.

She's a companion to the work companion can be translated one your united with them, thoughts, goals, plans, and effort is that describe you husband or wife. He how well do you know your spouse. Do you know what they really care about and you know what they like to do you know what their favorite food is a favorite color is in on me. How well do you really know one another.

If you don't treat your wife as you ought to as a husband it actually can bring your prayer life to a screeching halt. Did you know that because God says in first Peter three husband's globe with their wives and give them understanding, giving honor to the wife of the weaker vessel as being heirs together of the grace of life, so your prayers will not be tender. Your prayers can be hindered if your marriage is out of whack.

So this is under God your number one priority in life. By the way, the word that is use a brick wall with her doesn't mean just live with her doll. I live with my wife and I got that covered.

It's more than that can actually be translated be aligned to or give maintenance to maintenance to so we maintain things in life that we will maintain our houses or homes.

We maintain our cars. What happens if you have a car and you never do anything for it.

You don't change the oil. You don't even put oil in it you you don't repair something that you know the tire goes flat is contrived and you know what your car is going to break down in the same happens with the marriage. You know you don't maintain that you don't care for it in a brace that I'm always really impressed when I see a classic car drive by with a really old person driving it because I think that was probably their car in the beginning, and they've just been tainted and it's perfection.

You know they cannot stand sent me care for the drive in it along.

You know and that's what you want your marriage to be. You don't want to trade her or him in for the new model you want to take your marriage contributed to a classic and stand the test of time.

A lot of the stumpy attention additional in our cars, we have those idiot lights there.

Call the light that comes on. Usually when I comes on future really in trouble I speak from experience.

I've had them go on little, I will go on time to change your oil.

Time for a service you know when the be nice. We had an idiot light in our marriage idiot husband time for a date night with your wife idiot, why stop nagging your husband pay attention so you need to ask yourself a question every now and then to be more often is there any relationship or pursuit I'm involved in.

That would put distance between me and my me jealous and my wife and if she were to say no grade I think you're spending too much time doing thus and so are hanging around with this person you know I'll listen to that and continue to what I was doing but I listened know know how I'll make the changes in the same with her and there are things that bring stress in marriage.

Maybe something you got really excited about something you're really passionate about and all of a sudden it's taking you away from the home more and more. You have to ask yourself the question is, is helping or hurting mine marriage so we are to do this and I want to the notice that the emphasis is always to the husband. Notice that Peter said husband's door with your wives with understanding. Listen, the desk husbands are to take the lead in the marriage. When Paul speaks about husbands and wives be married. He says husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church husband started take the lead because of a husband is doing what he ought to be doing. I believe in most cases, the wife will respond appropriately. Treat your wife like a thoroughbred, and shall never be coming back.

Let her know your lover be the spiritual leader in your home be the one that initiates these things. Why do we love God right now where we Christians, the Bible says we love him because he first loved us.

Our love is a response to his love, and the same is true in a marriage. She will respond and do what God wants her to do if you do your part to don't tell me your wives not doing her part.

I must and you guys were you doing in so many cases the guys been very little suppose come back to what is said here a mention of Cleveland was wife, and they shall become one flesh. It's no less elite will no use leaving and let you spend a lifetime cleaving what is it mean to clean it means to adhere to artist Dick are to be attacked by some strong time and by the way, that doesn't mean you're stuck together against your will it mean you're holding on affect the original language. It speaks of a determine effort. Think of it this way you're climbing up the side of the cliff.

Are you start or are you holding on. What's a lot right, holding on why because you want to live. That's what. And that's how you keep a marriage strong over stuck together Nona no were holding onto each other. I'm holding on to you and your holding on to me and that's what it means to cleave is at describe your relationship right now we go to the New Testament and see the word used again, it translates out to be cemented together to stick like canned glue to be welded together so the two cannot be separated without series serious damage to both. Have you ever used super glue. You know what I was always a really lousy model builder, but I always try then when I was a kid. I did glue all over everything. I wasn't patient enough to let the glue dry and then pay an extra painting before the glue is done so just had a mess those little strings of glue in your hands and saw you I got older and became an adult I bought a model and now they of superglue is as great now. It is gloomily fast, but I didn't read the directions and it warns you about gluing your fingers together and I did.

I glue my finger and my thumb together, says walk around saying he okay I did want to how you doing okay but I really not okay. But there's start to see superglue without the idea that's being conveyed here like superglue you are glued together. Your one person your one flesh, and this involves constant communication. This is one of the keys to a successful marriage, constant communication listen. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman before marriage and after marriage. But to joke at it because that's all the time.

See in this means you have to learn how to disagree agreeably. Sometimes all of couples come and want to get married and all tell me all about how much they love each other.

I'll save you guys ever had a disagreement argument old know we love each other to be so snooty she's so gorgeous you've never had an argument. No, and we never plan on having one get out of my office and come back into the real world. You guys can have lots of disagreements in life, so you better learn how to fight fair even learn how to disagree agreeably how to condo conflict which you are going to have.

How are you going to approach it.

How you going to ultimately resolve this and it's gonna require you bending in compromising and listen to this. Forgive me for giving. Ruth Graham said, quote a good marriage, consists of two good for governance. If you're not a good forgive her, you're not going to have a good marriage. You have to learn how to forgive and then you need to affirm one another.

You know husbands in the last time you hug your wife without ulterior motives. It wasn't leading to something out you honey I love you went to last time you told your husband how much you appreciated him. I heard about a couple that was having some marital problems is when and to see a pastor and the pastor talked to my great lengthen. Listen carefully and and then said he he really thought he had figured out what the problem was and he stood up from behind his desk and walk around where the wife was sitting and had her stand and he gave her a hug and he said of the husband.

This is what this woman needs once a day.

Husband and a furtive proper woman said okay what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow. My jokes are solely one thing I believe most divorces can be averted if we would just start with the operative principles of leaving in cleaving it would make all the difference in the world because marriage is not so much finding the right person is much as it is being the right person so you need to go into this marriage saying how can I fulfill this person's needs. Listen to this. It's not about you.

If you're going to get married so he can meet all of your needs and make you happy or she's gonna meet all of your needs and make you happy you're to me and I have a happy married person, but if you can put the needs of your mate above your own, you can see dramatic things take place, that the Bible tells us in Ephesians 5 before the wife is told to submit to her husband that husbands and wives are to submit one to another in the fear about how people talk and I would submit, not suck city to anyone or anything all shut up you submit all the time you drive down the street and the CHP pulls up behind you. You submit real fence you live by rules you live by standard. You know there's people who are in authority over your life. Love your boss you have those two have influence on you. We all submit. There's nothing wrong with submitting it's a good thing and I'll talk that another time about what it means for wife to submit to her husband, let me just say this before we deal with that.

The Bible says submit one to another in the fear of God.

Okay, so husbands are to submit to wives as well as wives submitting the husbands that maybe we need a new word instead of submit because we don't know what it means. We think submit means be a doormat.

Dear victim take whatever he gives, I give up all my rights but actually the words meant I could be better translated to get in order under some together in order under something in the military sense it means to rank the needs are ranked under so husband submission to his wife does not mean that he abdicates his responsibility of leadership in the home. It means he helps her to bear.

He cuts underneath her to carry her characters there's no straighter my wife comes on the market and she has the car filled with groceries and I sit there and watch her as she unloads them as to when dinners can be made know I go and I hope for caring things and I usually grab the heaviest thing that you know because I want to assist her. That's just a simple illustration of what this means. Now you look at her in general or look at him. In general I want to help I want to help you be the man God called you to be. I want to help you be the woman God is called you to be. I'm your number one fan.

I'm in your corner. You can depend on me. I'm always here for you.

So knowing that makes a big difference in life holding each other were all submitting at some point putting the needs of your mate above your own, if at all possible, you want to avoid divorce why God is like divorce. Let me be more blunt.

God hates it. Here's what he says in Malachi 218.

I hate divorce, says the Lord.

It is cruel as putting on a victims bloodstained coat, says the Lord God Almighty.

So guard yourself and always be loyal to your wife know some of you were hearing me right now been divorced and you're not feeling really happy at this moment using McGregor put me under condemnation. I'm not here to do that okay because what's done is done. I'm sorry this is happening. Maybe you have biblical grounds.

Maybe you did not have biblical grounds but I want to say to you if I wanted to happen you again okay so if you're in a new marriage and you been divorced. Let's do it right this time.

I believe God forgets I believe that God gives second chance.

But let's not go and repeat the behavior. Over and over again. Let's learn from our experiences and, more importantly, learn from the word of God well despite the fact that Jesus is talked about marriage, they still want to talk about the horse go back to Matthew 19. They said yeah yeah it's always exited Yaya Bob Loblaw. All are really asking why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and pulled her away. Jesus said Moses because of the hardness of your heart permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

So I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for six sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery… Altering whoever marries her who was divorced commits adultery. I want you to notice he said, why did Moses command of our Jesus is commanded.

He permitted it. You have a raw back in these days the attitude toward marriage was very liberal, you might be surprised to know divorce was widespread in Israel at this time.

Consider the woman at the well remember, married and divorced five times so was actually quite commonplace. One little rabbi of the day known as hello said and I quote, incompatibility of temperament was grounds for divorce in this day a man to divorce his wife for such trivial things is burning his meal or embarrassing him in front of his friends or he could divorce her. If a more attractive woman came along, I pretty much opens up everything you know honey I love you but this other chicks way cuter than you bye-bye really I could do that back in this day so there's a yellow, why did Moses command the worst Jesus is in you guys have it all wrong. This is not God's order. Our modern equivalent to this thing would be irreconcilable differences. This is the one we throw down all the time where our marriage and work out what for irreconcilable different.

What were those I don't know but it was those irreconcilable there just no way we could reconcile those differences really listen.

I've had irreconcilable differences with my wife for 37 years she's neat and I'm messing she sometimes late unusually early.

She's cute and I'm fat what even if it's irreconcilable.

All will get divorce no more than a working work in the flats were good with staff were going to put the needs of each other, above our own.

Don't tell me irreconcilable differences. And guess what that is not biblical grounds for divorce.

Every marriage will have irreconcilable differences, or better, you could just marry yourself like I did. Even then, you probably have irreconcilable differences, so that's not an allowance given in Scripture. Here's an allowance price gives number one verse nine if anyone divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery know what is this mean sexual immorality comes from the Greek word Cornelia yes with English word we get from that porn pornographic.

It's a word that actually encompasses a lot of immoral behavior, including obviously adultery also incest, prostitution, homosexuality, why is it such a dealbreaker. Why would Jesus actually cite the same. If this happens, God would permit divorce for this well because when you have sex with someone you become one flesh with missing Paul even said if you have sexual relations with a prostitute, hooker, you become one flesh with her so don't tell me it didn't mean anything or was a one night stand know it means a lot to God.

You can't do that, you can treat sex.

That way, and when you enter into that union with that person. This is a very sacred union to God.

And so when you break that union with your spouse and go and have sex with someone else. You have violated something something very significant.

And yes there is a release brought clause given by Christ himself. If such a thing happened. Unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce but is not only grounds for divorce. It's also grounds for forgiveness.

I've seen a lot of marriages survive this. I know it seems devastating when your mate confesses to you, they been unfaithful usually don't confess until you find out once in a while there be someone will say, I just have a guilty conscience but usually you know you get suspicious and you can tell and there's no signs and then you discover it and they denied a person and they admitted in its devastating is no question but it can be forgiven.

I've heard many many stories of those who are forgiven it and are glad that they did and let me just say to you since seen the Sony sensitizing crazy, but girls or guys to get involved. Maybe this is little more for girls all directors to girls.

Girls who get involved with some guy who tells you he's gonna leave his wife for you as a C in the East Coast, forget about it second happened. You think if you're having sex with this guy is been and feeling his wife he's going to divorce his wife and marry you. First of all, why would he not repeat the behavior with your number one number two I would he marry you and he's getting it for free if he ends up getting divorced because of your affair.

He's gonna find another girl, probably one that's not been doing what you been doing because the very thing he asked for is now causing they have no respect for you at all. Suggest what you lose twice. So don't go down that road. According to Dr. Lana Spinelli, author of a book on marital triangles. She says of those who break up their marriage to marry someone else, 80% are sorry later. Of those who do marry their lover, which is only about 10%, 70% of them get a divorce. Of the 25 to 30% that stay married only half of them are happy. She concludes having an affair is an invitation to an awful lot of pain and tragedy absolutely so unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce don't go down that road.

Don't don't even play with it in your mind with fantasy so you know I would do, but I just think about it, no, no, because the first step to doing it is thinking about love your wife. Love your husband be loyal to them. Be faithful to them because you go down this road is can and in a lot of pain. And guess who the ultimate victims are going to be after you pay the price. Your kids are going to pay the price and it's going to be a hard price for them to pay.

Don't be so selfish.

There's another reason given in Scripture were God will allow a divorce. It's in first Corinthians 713 says of a woman as a husband that believes yet he is not please the daughter let her not put them away or let her put let her not put away so but then Paul says later but if the unbelieving departs a brother or sister is not under bondage accusing. Here's what he say look, let's hear married to a nonbeliever. This happens a lot of ways now deal with this another time, but but you marry a nonbeliever because maybe you both for non-Christians and he got married I want to be became a Christian and all of a sudden you're married to this nonbelieving guy or girl and that bring stress on the marriage or some of you were not patient to wait on the Lord of for the right guy. The right girl needed someone to marry this guy Rimer this girl. I believe in the Lord right that probably didn't work out so well for you did it and you basically disobeyed Scripture that says don't be unequally yoked together with nonbelievers, but okay now what's done is done, you're married to them. So now you think you know Melinda really helping this marriage and I met this really cute guy at church and you know my husband doesn't care about the Lord, the Lord spoke to me the other day and he actually said to me, my child dumped the heathen husband and marry the cute Christian guy, saith the Lord, and he was even saith the King James God didn't say that because in his word he says of the unbelieving in a believers please introit you stay with the now your job is to try to win him or her to cry okay but let's say they leave you another words they abandon you.

They walk out and you they dessert you well.

According to Scripture that happens, you're free. You don't have to remain in that relationship and your free ultimately to remarry. Now this really doesn't happen all that often.

Most marriages fail because of selfishness. You want that person to cater to you.

You expect marriage to make you happy. As I already said in a most marriages fall apart because people ignore what the Bible says and do what they wanted to. Every marriage is going to be challenged. CS Lewis put it this way, quote people get from both the idea that if you have married the right person, you may expect to go on being in love forever.

As a result, when they find they are not.

They think this proves they made a mistake and are entitled to a change, not realizing that when they have changed the glamour will presently go out of the new love, just as it went out of the old one so true so-called primary metal big when you get married.

That's good for a time and then you know the hard work of marriage comes in the play was put in those can be hard.

I did know you know he wouldn't do everything I wanted her. She would and so well I'll find someone else and then problems come about when then it comes in the next relationship so Lewis concludes in this department of life, as in every other thrills come at the beginning and do not last, but if you go through with it the dying away of the first grill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest" but as you been married for time.

It's not the same as it was, I don't have butterflies in my stomach every time my wife walks in the you know when I first went what was so nervous I think Kathy's here would we see the work I don't feel that way anymore. I'm sorry if Kathy walked in the room in the morning. I know Mickey Berg is all I I feel lightheaded I butterflies should think of having a heart attack to call paramedics. But the love we have in the place of that initial attraction is far greater. It's far deeper, it's far more significant. Sometimes you feel it. Sometimes you don't feel it but it's a commitment, and bought today as the months go by and then the years go by and Eve honored those valves and you've stuck to them. You look back and you think God and elected others who have disregarded what the Bible says in our facing the consequences. No fairytale weddings are not really possible. I know we've heard all the stories and and they lived happily ever after. The better way to say would be lived happily even after, even after afterward after marriage because they did it God's way. So is my closing thought if you're single. Don't rush it.

Wait on the Lord find a godly man or woman priority number one. If you marry having troubles, don't give up. Don't throw in the towel as God for help and try to save that marriage you know I do find it interesting that the Lord uses the analogy of a husband's love for a wife to describe his love for the church. He says love your wife as Christ loves the church why one thing about a tall order but how did Christ love the church we died on the cross for us and when any doable. We were his best friends know the Bible says while we were still yet sinners, Christ died for us only the enemies of God shaking our fist in his face and we don't want you God that's in Christ died for shows love for us and one day we realize that we in the Lord loves me, he will forgive me and and we put our faith in Jesus Christ, the son of God came to this earth on a rescue mission and he died on the cross in your place, and then he rose again from the dead and upcoming forgive you of yourself, us, and I don't know if you're single or if you're married, whoever you are, whatever your state you need caught everybody needs Christ on the life and I asked him. Closing is Jesus Christ living inside of you right now you think some guys going to fill the deepest point of your life in Oman day. My principal, get over that you need the Prince of peace to come and live in your heart.

Girls and guys.

He's the one who will meet your deepest needs like a woman at the well, you know she's married and divorced five times I was living with a guy in Jesus point this out to her and then he says you know if you think of this water will thirst again but if you drink of the water.

I give you'll never thirst again and he was sort of using her pursuit of happiness with men is a metaphor for going to a well and drawing water again and again and never being satisfied.

Nothing that this world offers will meet the deepest need of your life. You were made to know God and he will come in forgive you of your sin and live in your heart. If you've never asked Jesus Christ to come in your life wanted to do that right now as we close in prayer and you can know for certain that you will go to heaven when you die, so let's all bow our heads and everyone praying, if you would. Father, I thank you for your word to us. I think you for your love for us and I pray for every person watching this message right now. Help them to see their need for Jesus and help them to come to you and believe and be forgiven of all of their sin no other heads about and her eyes are closed and were praying, if you want Jesus Christ to forgive you of your sin if you want to know that when you die you will go to heaven if you want that boy deep inside of you fill I'm in ask you where ever you are to stand your feet and him and lead you in a prayer. Again, I want you to just stand up wherever you are nominally doing a prayer, a prayer we you will be accepting Jesus Christ in your life to stand up, publish, stand up right now if you want Christ to come in your life. God bless you. God bless you stand up wherever you are for watching this video you standards well nominally doing a prayer to accept Christ into your life, stand up now anybody else publish, bless you.

You want is forgiveness. Maybe you fallen away from the Lord you want to come back to him again you stand your feet right now nominally doing the same prayer if you fallen away from Christ and the need to return to him just stand up, publish, publish anybody else tended publish anybody else in this final moment stand now, going to pray stand out.

Publish each one of our knowledge of the understanding I want you to pray this prayer out loud after me. This is where you're asking Jesus Christ to come of your life again as I pray pray this prayer out loud after me print out loud right we are standing pray this if you would, Lord Jesus, I know I'm a sinner but you died on the cross and shed your blood for every sin I've ever committed. Now come in the my life in forgive me of my sin I choose to follow you from this moment forward. Thank you for loving me and accepting and forgiving me in Jesus name I pray a