SM130609/How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

Harvest messages are brought to you by harvest partners to receive free email daily devotions or to become a harvest partners, please visit us online@harvest.org good morning morning appreciate your prayers. A leader to them and to be flying to Houston.

Y'all and the other to be speaking to about 8000 Southern Baptist pastors and their wives at the Southern Baptist convention so it's going to be a great opportunity so remember us in prayer. Let's turn our Bibles to Matthew chapter 9 being the title of my message today is how to divorce proof your marriage. This is a part of our series that were calling happily even after let's pray together.

Father is we think about our families. We ask you to bless them.

I pray for every married person here today that their marriage would be strengthened. Lord, in every way. I pray for every single person today that they would patiently wait for the right person you have chosen for them and Lord help us to shore up our marriages help us to be alert to the fact that there are threats against our marriages so we commit this time a Bible study as we learn more about that we ask all of this in Jesus name, amen heard about funeral service that was being held for a woman who had died in the her husband was there.

Her family was therein. The pallbearers were carrying her out and they accidentally bumped against a wall as he carried the casket and they cured among from inside the casket so they sent it down they open it up and the woman was a lie she lived 10 more years will she die matter second funeral is a pallbearers were carrying the casket out. The husband yelled out what's up on the wall. This is not a true story.

Yeah, we don't want your marriage like that.

Now do you not for men and woman walked down the aisle and say I do, there's a lot more to do and if you think you're done you're finished. It's been said if love is a dream, then marriage is the alarm clock and on our wedding day. We committed ourselves to each other through thick and thin, but sometimes as we tried to do that, we find that our patience is growing thin and I ponder my marriage that I've grown a lot more thick and my wife is Dave Finn but to see you can neglect cannot neglect the maintenance of your marriage marriage needs work and if you see strong in vibrant marriage that did not happen by accident. That's two people who are working at it in the same way if you work at your marriage and do it God's way. It can be strong, but if you neglected. It's going to begin to weaken and potentially in time. If neglected, but even Paul apartments not unlike tending the garden if you don't.

We did watch over it. They could be overrun with weeds inside. It's like your own body.

If you don't stay in shape. If you don't try this statement if you don't exercise your body can begin to break down so we have to think about what the word of God says so here's the question either secrets to a happy marriage. Comedian Hannah Youngman famous for his line. Take my wife please write never again had another line. He said the secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Is that true will. I don't think it it I believe that God's word identify for us principles that we can apply that will make our marriage is strong marriages that can last a lifetime. But before we get into that, let's be aware of one thing, there are threats against our marriage I could talk all day about the cultural threats against marriage is an institution other threat against the family, but I want to talk more about our own personal marriages and our own personal families.

A lot of times it's little things that turn in the big thing.

The song of Solomon chapter 2 verse 15 says it's the little boxes that spoil the vine and so we don't want to let these smaller things escalate. So let's identify some of the threats to our marriages today. Number one I would say selfishness is one of the greatest threats to our marriages selfishness.

If you were to sum up in one word what breaks most marriages apart. Today it would be this why because we going to the marriage making it all about us. Sort of the idea of what can you do for me. How can you fulfill me. How can you meet my needs Melissa and there's nothing wrong with wanting fulfillment wanting your needs met. But as I've said before marriage is not so much about finding the right person is much as it's about being in the right person so I said instead. Anything what about them. How can I fulfill them. Sending the problem is we have sort of a fairytale mentality when it comes to marriage and no sort of like snow white singing. One day my prince will come that was snow white was wasn't fairytale people. Okay, if you know that that guides good companies going to rescue me and and immuno fulfill all my dreams are girls going to come and satisfy all my desires old. That is a fairytale. That's not reality.

And that's what I've called this series happily even after it set up happily ever after. Because we have to live out our marriages in the real world there's a problem. It selfishness. It's because we like to say it's always the fault of Army, but I bet if you're having marital conflict. Right now a lot of the problems could be traced right back to you James for two says what all these appalling wars and quarrels come from. You think they just happen. Think again they come about because you want your own way and you provide for it deep inside yourself. That pretty much sums it up. We want our own way. By the way, we are living in a culture today that is completely self absorbed. It's been said that the most out of his generation to ever live are the baby boomers right we always called the generation that preceded us the greatest generation and they call our generation.

I'm thinking to myself, not all of us but us and the baby boomer category that most selfish generation. But now they say that our children are even more selfish than and their children are even more selfish than them millennial's the children of the baby boomers are known as the me generation, and now the V millennial children have a new designation. You know what it is. The me me generation.

Consider these stats, the incidence of narcissistic personality disorder is nearly 3 times in cyber people in their 20s.

As for the generation that's now 65 or older. 58% more college students scored higher on a narcissism scale in 2009. The 1982, millennial's got so many participation trophies growing up in a recent study showed that 40% that they should be promoted every two years, regardless of performance, that's interesting.

I you know, so our general so maybe it works like this. I'm thinking of the baby boomer many my parents did not up for me as much as I thought I should be a firm therefore maybe I went overboard in affirming my children and they went overboard in affirming bears they call it helicopter parenting and Internet's message a minute talk a little bit about the role of the father and the mother but the idea of these participation trophies is you don't win, you don't get a trophy for succeeding. You get a trophy for existing right you go to games and kids today and a lot of times they don't keep score because they don't want anyone to feel bad even in classrooms.

They will give our grades as they used to.

So this is the kind of mentality. This goes back to the so-called self-esteem movement that was very prominent in the 70s.

Remember that, of course, leave it to the state of California to lead the way in this we actually had a self-esteem task force. I don't even want to know how much of our money was wasted on that but the thinking went like this. The problem with people today is they have low self-esteem. People need to learn to love themselves more if he had a higher self-esteem crime would go down in our culture would be better will that didn't work out so well is now with the ability look back in retrospect, we discovered that sort of backfired. One expert said, quote the problem is when people tried to boost self-esteem they boosted narcissism instead. All that self-esteem leads people to be disappointed when the world refuses to affirm how great they are." So that's the backdrop that's the culture. So I going to marriage and it's all about me and I say things like, what about my needs.

What's in it for me and then when the person no longer satisfies me.

I say things like, I'm no longer happy in this marriage and I need to leave so I can find myself if another person says they want to find themselves. I may slap them. But that said sort of selfish mentality that we see today.

This is reflected by words that are typed into search engine. A study found that between 19 62,008 individualistic words and phrases increasingly overshadowed communal words and phrases.

Now the most popular words typed into your search engine when you Google our words like self stand out.

You need I can do it myself and I come first. Those words are used more often than communal words like community collectives share United bed together in common good of those are receding Lexus reflective of the times in which reliving this and it what is the Bible tell us about the last days. It says in the last days men will be lovers of themselves, rather than lovers of God, word of this start goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. The origin of sin in selfishness and a focus on ourselves, as a result of the fall. After Eve's fall in the garden. You remember that God's judgment came upon her and her husband Adam. The Lord sent a very significant thing the Eve and is often misunderstood, but in reality it is an explanation for most marital conflicts today, that statement is found in Genesis 316 God said to Eve, your desire shall be for your husband, and he will rule over you that's been misinterpreted to sort of say husband rule over wives and wives.desire should be you subservience to the husband and reporting made a case for the role of the husband and wife.

I don't want to get into that right now let me just explain this verse. This word desire needs to be understood that sustainment word that is used in the next chapter of Genesis. I wanted speaks of King when God said the king, sin is crouching at your door. It desires to have you in the word desire means it wants to impel birds or seek control over you to God was saying became sin wants to master you. But you must master sin. So what is the curse on me and on Ada God is think your desire will be for your husband. In other words, God is saying you're going to try to control your husband.

That's part of the curse in the end of the husband, he says, and you will rule over the wife and the word that is used for rule is not presented in a positive sense but rather a negative one.

A new kind of authoritarianism that not part of God's original plan.

So to simplify and paraphrase. It's as though God is saying here is the curse that will not come upon humanity. Women will try to control men and men will try to control women got it. That's is where the battle of the sexes began male chauvinism feminism. It all started right here so we cannot look to our culture. For tips on how to be godly men and women we need to look to Scripture what is Scripture tell us over till the men are to love their wives as their own cell Ephesians 528 husband to love their own wives as their own bodies either loves his wife loves himself. Again, notice it's already an assumption that men love themselves and by the way women do to. We don't need to be taught self love. We don't need greater self-esteem.

We already love ourselves you love yourself and I love myself. That's a given.

That's why God says so. Husbands, love your wife as you already love your self within husbands are also told to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Ephesians 525.

What does that even mean while an explanation is given a Philippians 2 of 3 to 5. Don't be selfish. Don't let them make a good impression on others think of others as better than yourself. Don't think only about your own affairs be interested in others to okay so the first threat against our marriage is selfishness and it needs to be replaced by self less net threat number two would be communication breakdown communication breakdown I mentioned in an earlier message survey that was done among divorced couples. There were asked the question why did your marriage fail 86% said the efficient communication producer about husband and wife that were driving along thinking a cross-country trip. They were angry at each other and hadn't spoken a word for hours and they drove by a farm and there were a bunch of animals out there and the husband looked at the animals and then said the first singles wife that he had said and hours. He said relatives of yours to look over at the animals and without missing a beat. He said yeah in-laws to look in every marriage. Even a good one. There's going to be conflict and there's going to be disagreement I've mentioned to you before how the couple comes in to see me and they've not had an argument's. I'll tell them to leave and go have one because that's going to come in time. So we need to learn how to disagree agreeably we need to learn how to fight fair and when I say fight, I think you understand.

I don't mean physically fighting talking about verbal disagreements and such. It should never escalate the physical and if it does you have a problem and need to de-escalate it immediately, but you want to deal with conflicts as they arrive.

Don't neglect them and let them build up. It's important to listen. James 119 says literary men be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to wrath. Proverbs 1813 says only a fool answers a matter before you turn it so listen if it's important to your mate. It should be importantly, you know, you may not think it's important her concern about you picking up your closer, and she may not think it's important your concern that you have when she moves your tools around and don't put them back in the place originally oriented but look whatever it is you need to learn to listen to one another, hear them out in a might be an issue over money, which often is on how it spent might be an issue over the kids and how they're raising that's often a source of conflict.

So before you respond here what they're saying listen to them, ask questions, understand their position and then respond accordingly. You can offer your defense or a bottle argument, but if it starts escalating invoices are now being raised you need. I guess I said earlier to de-escalate it and if you find yourself getting to a place where you want to throw something or scream something or or I kid you need to walk away.

Don't let it get to that place in Scripture reminds us in Ephesians 431 get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh word slander all kinds of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ is forgiven us, and I know what I'm talking about here because I was raised in an alcoholic, abusive home every night. There were fights every night and when I say fight I mean physical fights. I mean things being thrown. The routine was my mom would come home, have a few drinks go out to dinner, come home later very drunk and whoever she was married to in the moment the fighting would start and then the screaming and then throwing them in the hitting and one time one of the husbands of my mom hit her so hard she was unconscious on the floor bleeding and had to be taken to the hospital today. What that's really traumatic stuff for a kid and you just can never go there. Never fight in front of your kit. If you have a disagreement going to war room go away and deal with your disagreement never use your kids is bargaining chips. Well, who do you agree with mom or dad.

Don't ever do that, you leave the kids out of it and you work through these issues and then never let the sun go down on your wrath. Ephesians 426 as another way to put it is don't go to sleep mad at each other. Listen fine to resolve not to win. If you're fighting to win your boarding loss is not about winning the argument about resolving the conflict threat number three this is a big one. Adultery.

This is so significant to me, God's top 10 thou shall not commit adultery. Now every one of us knows someone was committed the sin we have seen the devastation it brings. Can you imagine how different our country would be the day if we kept this one single commandments. How many families would still be together how many fathers would still be around to raise their children. I heard a story about a young preacher that was listening to well-known and seasoned evangelists. Beacon evangelist, got in front of a crowd and said you know I've sent some of the happiest moments of my life in the arms of another man's wife. There was a little bit of a jazz like what is this man saying and then he said, and that woman was my mother and everybody loves. Okay we got it. It's a joke. So the young preacher said I love that that's a great line about to use it so couple months later he thought of it on the fly.

All youth outlined in evangelist using he said you know what I said some of the happiest days of my life in the arms of another man's wife, but he couldn't remember the punch line.

Many sheepishly set of the life of me I can't remember who she was good but unfaithfulness, adultery is one of the greatest threats against marriage today. Listen to these that 40 to 50% of all married men and had extramarital affairs, nearly 70% of married men under 40 expect to have an extra marital relationship. Giving the increasingly permissive use toward sex today, researchers Gilbert Knotts and Roger Libby predicted that between one half and two thirds of all husbands will have an affair before they reach boarding.

I was sick and say this is only true of men, but women are quickly catching up the numbers for women being unfaithful to their husbands is higher than ever. 1953, while one half of married men a minute people to their wives only 26% of the wives responded in kind. But today, while only 90% of married women do their husbands cheated on them.

41% of the women she'd so this is becoming really an issue. God is clearly warned us about this in of adultery telling us in first Corinthians 6 Nine that if you do these things you will not inherit the kingdom of God. Solomon warned about going to the house of the prostitute was never a song about that house of the rising Sun years ago.

Proverbs 724 he says listen to me. My sons for attention to my words. Don't let your heart straight toward her, speaking of the prostitute or the woman or the man that would try to pull you away from your spouse.

Numerous Minutemen are victims of her house. Is the road to the grave her bedroom. It is a den of death, then Hebrews 13 says fornicators and adulterers God will jot but then Jesus to get to the next level that in the sermon on the Mount. You recall his words. He says you for that.

It has been said, you shall not commit adultery but I say to you whoever looks at a woman with lust in the design is already committed adultery with her in his heart that would assist me with a word that Jesus used your for looks does not just become a casual glance in the Greek it can be translated to continuous act of looking at something that's incidental or involuntary, but brother intentional and repeated gazing. You know like in those old cartoons. We grew up watching and the wall, you know, his eyes popped out of his the sockets try and you know what I'm talking about so the idea is not just like oh okay I saw that Grover guy whatever it is, but no, it's like no I'm look, look, with the purpose of lusting I want to drink this all in. That's the idea.

Jesus is if you look at a woman that way.

You effectively have committed adultery. Now do some women want to be looked at that way all absolutely and sometimes if you're walking on the street in an attractive woman is coming towards you may be dressed in such a way that she's hoping you look at her iPhone sometimes. I slipped on the grounds walk right by units.

I cannot even to give you the stinking satisfaction because I know what you and she knows what she's doing nice and a great come on, you're blaming the women I mean some guys with lust after a tree. I know that's true, but certainly you could think as a Christian woman about the way you present yourself you certain one certainly wouldn't want to dress in any way that would incite lust and amend know what you and so of course the thing that fuels aspire to be of lust is photography. It's everywhere there was a day when you want to see pornography. You are to go stand in line and some sleazy movie theater in the bad side of town, but now course with the advent of video, and now with the Internet pornography wickedness is a mouseclick away. That's a huge problem in our culture of the worldwide sex industry takes in $57 billion a year billion. I said revenues are pornography exceed those of professional baseball, basketball and football combine.

There are 4.2 million porn site that's 12 verse five of all websites totaling 372 million pornographic pages know what is pornography. It is something that's designed to elicit lust in you. It comes from a Greek word for knee and is actually used a number of times in the New Testament in the New Testament, there are 26 references to Cornelia were told in first Corinthians 613, our bodies are not made for it at first Corinthians 72.

We should not seek it out. First Corinthians 618.

We should run from it and finally first Corinthians 1221.

If we give and then we should repent of it up with us all here for your taking notes. These are good references to check out for extra credit to listen.

You gotta be practical and you know obviously don't want to go looking for it but you know if you're watching television and even a mainstream television stuff comes up that in another generation would've been called pornography things in the scene things are saying now and the Council way they talk about pornography and premarital and extramarital sex and how it affects you know someone who's married in the state married that that's third considered like silly or foolish and so forth and so if something comes on the TV screen. You need to turn it off. There is a little red button under control.

I think maybe yours is a different color. But if you push the red button. Amazing things will happen. That image disappears sometimes as simple as turning the TV off.

Sometimes it's simple as simple as walking out. Maybe you should put an Internet filter are the key porn sites on in your computer, maybe if they will. I don't have a problem with the job at it either protect your children as well using this is a crazy world were living in today. What if you commit adultery is a really all that bad yet. It's really bad, really, really bad. Why me give you a few reasons your taking note, you might write these down number one you do incredible damage to yourself. You do damage to yourself. Listen, the person is committing adultery is effectively in a backslidden state because you have to jump through a lot of hoops to end up in bed with another man or woman beside your wife.

Don't tell me you just fell in the bed doesn't happen easily. It's very intentional, very deliberate. We all know it starts maybe it starts with learning. Maybe it starts with this or that but however it it begins you know you have to make conscious decisions and then when a person has an affair, and I keep that word affair.

By the way, over having an affair while knights something accrues or something you know.

But if you're committing adultery.

Rarely is it a one time event multiple times because really, what is it about it's not about romance it's not about a relationship. It's about sex.

And so you're doing this act was your covering things up in your hiding it from your mate so effectively you're living deceptively.

Sometimes these things go on for weeks and months and sometimes even years and the way that they're usually discovered is not because one of the people feels guilty and admitted to their mate.

The reason that's uncovered is because they are costs and they and they have to come clean and usually they deny it procures a problem. Once you sort of broken down those walls of protection.

It's easier to do it the second time that I was to do it the first time and it's easier to do it the third time that I was to do it the second time so the simple solution is don't go there. Don't go there again coming back to King Solomon talking about the destructive power of adultery, he says in Proverbs 6, a prostitute will bring you to prop poverty sleeping with another man's wife may cost you your very life commenced to fire into his lap and not be burnt skinny walk on hot coals in the blistering speed so as a mentor, sleeps with another man's wife.

He who embraces her will not go unpunished with the men who commit to know. Adultery is another full and destroys his own soul wounds and constant disgraced RS lot and a shame will never be a rate heavy duty words from Scripture that could destroy your soul, your shame will never be erased. And finally, it could cost you your very life. A few moments of guilty pleasure can lead to a lifetime of regret. Yes you do great damage to yourself and know this, you're going to get caught you're going to get caught. I don't care how clever you are. It's going to come out sooner or later, Moses said, your sin will find you out you a little bit about that member he killed an Egyptian and buried them in the sand the senator to bury someone the sands on a good place and that sand shifted and that was discovered in his sin found him out and he warns us our sin will find us out to disable Greg. I'm kinda freaking out right now because I'm actually committing adultery. I urge you to repent right now. Why, because not only do damage yourself at number two you damage your spouse, you damage your spouse and amazing oneness takes place when a man and a woman come together and they express her love sexually. The Bible speaks of the two becoming one in that oneness is violated when you have sexual relations with someone else. First Corinthians 616 says don't you know of a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her for the Scripture say that you are united into one with the person who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him run away from sexual sin. No other sensor clearly affects the body like this one does sexual immorality is a sin against your own body so don't say all it was a one night stand in it didn't mean anything and means a lot. It's and you violate the oneness between you and your mates number three you do incredible damage to your children when you commit adultery, you damage your children, your position on seeking the men but to women as well. Your position as a spiritual leader and influence in the home is undermined by your own hand their trust in you and shatter as it is with your spouse and it will take years to regain and then you may find your children repeating your sin. How can you tell your children to remain sexually pure until they're married. If you been having an affair.

You just lost all moral authority. The Bible speaks of the sins of the parents been visited on the children sent me some of interpreted that to be saying that there are generational curses that are passed on from one generation to another. And I don't believe in that the Bible doesn't teach such a thing. And when the Bible says that the sins of the parents are visited on the children and simply pointing out that your children will emulate your behavior, good or bad.

And so if you are a godly man or woman. Hopefully you'll pass out legacy on and if you're an ungodly man or woman that you can be passed off course all know that David, that the sin and where did it start with a lustful look when he was up on his patio, checking out a city. There was a beautiful woman named Bathsheba. Ironically, taking a bath, I did Bathsheba put herself in a way where the king would see her knowing where the patio was at the top of the palace. She would be with and I shot it's possible, but certainly David was primarily responsible one year but in fairness, Bathsheba went along with that, she could've resisted. So it started with a lustful look to go to bended there. He could've repented, but instead you know the rest of the story he brought Sheba up to is chambers. They had sexual relations together and she got pregnant.

Now David should've repented right then and there.

But what is he do. He tries to cover up his sin and get Bathsheba's husband Uriah brought back from the battle, hopefully to go in and spend the night with his wife so Uriah will think that the baby is his not realize that his wife is at a baby with another man, but there Uriah such a courageous and committed soldier. He will go and be with his wife. So David has Uriah lead the charge against the enemy and he commands the general in charge.

They have all the other tubes fall back Uriah skilled in the heat of battle, and no David Mary's Bathsheba clever little plan now looks ago. What's your husband died. I guess that we can get married now, when in reality and effect.

David murdered Uriah and he got away with it for a while and then the prophet Nathan confronts him Bassam because your sin always finds you well. Kenny and David repents and we could see in the story ended their lesson learned. No story doesn't end there because Nathan then said the sword will never depart from your house. What that meant was David you to read this in years to come. And sure enough, as you go down the line and David story you see his own children.

Repeating this in David son M then raped his half-sister team are and then another son of David, Absalom murdered Emden so sexual immorality and murder carried on in the lives of his own children, you damage your kids you think about that when it comes out. You have to look your kids in the and tell them what you did number for you damage the church you damage the church we rarely think of that when the Bible says when one member suffers a whole body suffers no were all interconnected as believers.

And when God blesses one of us and uses one of us. We all rejoice in the victory and when one falls in the center scandal were all heard by that fee.

You hurt the church. That's why Paul told the believers in Corinth to not accept people that were living in morally into their congregation telling them that these people should not be allowed in until they repent. Why, he says, because a little leaven leavens the law were a little bit of east wall of affect the whole batch of dough.

So the idea is that it affects the whole church and then number five, you damage your witness and the cause of Christ. Can a testimony is that when the nonbelievers find out you been telling him all about Jesus.

And now here you are you proud of the fair is Nathan also said David because of this you given the enemies of God, a reason the blasphemy sin of the nonbelievers Conseco Hill Christians told me about it. What a hypocrite. That guy over there. He's a Christian, he just went out and his wife, and I'll can you say it's true. And lastly, you sin against the Lord himself sinned against the Lord himself. This should be the main reason we don't commit the sin. This Joseph was also tempted by the original cougar Potter verse wife, an older woman started hitting on Joseph.

She was far from subtle to basically just said have sex with me. He resisted her grandsons one day she pulled them down on the bed, and he ran and I like what Joseph said when he pointed out how can I do this great wickedness sin against God. That should be your main motive you don't want to sin against God or brings us to Matthew 19 took us a long time together than that, that was just the introduction it's going to be a bumpy ride and Circe were almost… Matthew 19. These are the words of Jesus talking about the poorest.

I hope it never comes to this. That's why gave the title how to divorce proof your marriage to this message, but there are allocations given in Scripture Matthew 19 verse seven. The Pharisees come to Jesus why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and put her away. He said Moses because of the hardness of your hearts permitted you to divorce your wives, and from the beginning it was not so nice. Edie Warburg divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery, and whoever marries her who was divorced, commit adultery, so they're trying to trap Jesus and they're saying, why did Moses command the boards. Jesus is pointing out, you never commanded divorce. He permitted divorce. And it's because of the hardness of the hearts is back in those culture women were treated horribly. That is why when anyone ever says to you at the Bible represses women they don't know what they're talking about the Bible and the teachings of it liberated women in this culture. A woman could be deported for any reason. Husband could dump his wife if she burned his meal ever more attractive woman came along he could divorce her and then to make matters worse, he could accuse her of adultery.

No divorce was allowed wife to protect the woman, for the most part, because she been the innocent party was being hurt by this man. So God would allow it is not his original plan's original plans for you to stay together, but it's allowed one is allowed. When immorality takes place.

Verse nine if anyone divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, and marries another than the commits adultery. Now that's not to say of adultery is committed that divorce is mandatory, or even recommended. Every effort should be made to restore the marriage and examine the steps of led to this said, and apply some preventative measures wasn't immorality is not only grounds for divorce.

It's also grounds for forgiveness. So if possible, try to forgive each other, but this is an allowance that is given in we just pray it doesn't happen because I tell you divorces are horrible thing I would mention my mom was married and divorced seven times in you know maybe you hear some like that you think all men.

You know there's no hope for me because my mom was divorce what we might your parents were divorced while God can break that cycle, he certainly did for us. We been married 39 years now and it's only because of God's grace and following what the word says so you have to haul. Secondly, the allocation given in Scripture for the boards is desertion.

If the main desserts. The other that serves desserts with desserts.

First Corinthians 713 of a Christian woman as a husband who is an unbeliever and is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him when he goes on as a part of the husband or wife is in a Christian insists on leaving.

Let them know. In such cases, the Christian husband or wife is not required to stay with them for God wants his children to live in P so the idea is if your spouse wants out a new thing abandon you and have no interest in reconciliation ultimately you're free of that relationship and you're free to remarry, but this is what should be avoided. How can we divorce proof our marriages know every summer we have these crazy wildfires in California and unfortunately, as the winds begin to pick up their people to take advantage of that arsonists who intentionally start fires in many homes are burned, and sometimes even life is lost, which is the most tragic thing of all. Byron remember a number of years ago, looking at the devastation of one of these fires here in Southern California, there was a dramatic photo on the front page of the newspaper was an entire neighborhood in charred rubble in the midst of it all was one house mother was a little smoke damage with this house stood intact. It'd not been burned.

It escape unscathed and so of course the interview the owner of the home and they said wouldn't you do in this home. So it did not burn any said in the interview and I quote, we went beyond what was required and made it even safer order to mean what I meant that he put in double pane windows extra thick stucco walls. Steel beams, concrete tile, rub and abundant installation. Firefighters chose that spot in front of the men sounds to make a stand seat so here's what you need to do gifted go the extra mile.

Don't just put in the bare minimum go the extra mile because I'm asking you to make a stand. I wish I could stop divorce in America today.

I can't do that. Obviously, I was again stop divorce in California can't do that either.

I was to get stop all divorce in this church remember happening. I can even do that is what I'm asking you to do make a stand. Let's do this one family at a time. We say we are not to be a divorce statistic were not going to be that tragic story repeating itself again.

Were going to be the ones that take the extra precautions were going to be the one to go the extra mile and do everything we can to strengthen our marriage so ask yourself the question right now. Are there any flammable materials around your home.

Things that can cause a fire. Ask yourself as a husband, as I am I loving my wife as Christ loves the church. Ask yourself as a wife. My respecting my husband submitting to his leadership. Each of you ask are we denying ourselves and putting the needs of our me above our own again.

Are there any flammable materials laying around our marriage whether any relationships were involved in that could put distance between our me and ourselves any activity were engaged in the could drive us apart. Are you and your wife leaving and cleaving listener. This life goes prime by pretty quickly, doesn't it. One of these days.

Before you know it. You know those strange old people you're going to be one of them to be sin on the rocking chair in your retirement home in your assisted living facility or you're going to be on that rocker on your front porch or you're going to be on your deathbed and easily back across your life in the care that much about how much money you made. How many hours you put in at the job I tell you what you can do care about you care about God you care about your family and if you can look at your spouse. If she still living. Even if her life is extended 10 years. Going back to the joke and you know you were faithful to her you were faithful to him. As you look at your children and then your grandchildren and if God blesses you, you live long enough to see your great-grandchildren. You're going to be a happy person is you did it God's way.

Instead of a person all along a very dear brother in our church junker went to be with the Lord yesterday. How many of you know his son, Mike, junker and Mike was his continues to serve carries a pastor of our Orange County campus. But Doug, Jim and Brenda, his wife married 54 years and Jim was one of our ushers in the was full of energy and he got ill and went to the hospital and I went and saw many look like he wasn't long for this world.

Quite frankly, but we prayed and got extended Jim's life. A few more months and he was actually improving the thought he might actually get up and about again back serving the Lord.

We really wanted to be. But that was not to be put together a large family. All of his kids have been raised in the way of the Lord in he just had his first great-grandchild he is granddaughter Tiffany under her and her husband gave just had their first child, a little girl named Peasley grace, I believe in God and so Jim lived long enough to see the picture of his great-grandchild and then went to have no that's sad. That's glorious, is a house I glorious glory because he finished well that's that's glorious and he left a godly legacy and his family will all remember that and we remember that as well. That's the goal.

So let's work toward that goal and pray.

We all finish well because one day will stand before God will be held accountable for what we did with our life that will include honoring our valves that we made to our husbands and our wives and the way we raise our children as Christian. I hope that you have that relationship with God so you know you can stand before him with your sins forgiven and right before you know you might say Greg, you know this is a nice message but the problem is I've sinned and I've committed adultery. I had a divorce. What about me. What about you well. Got ready to forgive you member the woman caught in the very act of adultery. She was taken and set before Jesus.

He stood there with all of her accusers around her and Jesus look at all these creeps self righteous parasitical hypocrites and he said, let the first one that is among you without sin throw the first stone milk and look around and then Jesus wrote something in the sand.

Now we don't know what he wrote but was pretty powerful because the Bible says they (the oldest of the youngest one by one the oldest. Probably lepers because they had more sins to confess, I sort of think and a lot to learn about this when I get to heaven, but I sort of think what he wrote was the name of one of the men with the sin next to him that he had committed and so you said I have to go home now so all the men left and there was this woman left all alone with Jesus is that woman were your accusers she said, Lord, I have not. He said neither do I accuse you go and sin no more. Look, if you send, you know you've sin, repent and accept the forgiveness of God and go and sin no more. Let's pray. Father, we thank you for your word. Help us to take heed to it.

If there's anybody curing this message right now that is committed adultery.

Help them to repent of it. Call it what it is and find your forgiveness if there's anybody here that's headed down that road.

Maybe there thinking about it. Lord I pray this message will be a warning to them, they will not go a step further. There's anybody here that is gotten divorce for un-biblical reasons. Help them Lord to ask for your forgiveness and receive it. Now, Lord, let us learn from our mistakes and go and sin no more, is our only hope is in you. So, we commit ourselves to you again. Bless our families plus our marriages, plus our singleness of were not married yet. Help us to walk with you and bless this time and giving. Now we ask Jesus name, amen much