Fathers (Part 1 of 2)

Most challenging aspects of being a dad finding the right balance between administering discipline and extending grace, especially since not all children respond to correction in the same way today on Truth for Life weekend.

Alastair beg explains how fathers can love their children without wounding their spirits. Our text this evening is the 21st verse of Colossians 3. Fathers do not individually, or children, are they will become discouraged. Peterson paraphrases it parents don't come down too hard on your children or you will crush their spirits. Phillips paraphrases it fathers, do not overcorrect your children or they will grow up feeling inferior and frustrated as in our previous three studies.

We will make our cross reference. Our primary cross reference Paul's statements in the same vein, which we find in Ephesians and now in chapter 6 and verse in chapter 6 reads fathers, do not exasperate your children is essentially the same word of warning and then it is not followed by an explanation don't do this because if you do this will result. But when he writes to the Ephesians. He follows his warning with a directive he says instead of exasperating them.

You should bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Now the interesting thing is that the word that is given here to the father's is a word for fathers to exercise restraint.

Make sure he says fathers that you do not embitter your children that are to be immediately and is an obviously surprising to us.

We might have thought that he would launch very quickly into the reinforcing of parental responsibility for giving direction and so on to the children, but he doesn't do that. He begins by saying I want you to make sure that you don't exercise your jurisdiction as a father in such a way so as to harm so as to crush so as to endanger and discourage and disparage your child probably we will be helped and grappling with that by recognizing the fact that Paul is addressing the subject within the culture of Roman jurisdiction, we discover the fact that Paul is writing in a context where the father had in Roman jurisdiction, supreme power, the Patria protest tests father power and William Barclay whose countries you want to read with great caution but who is usually very helpful.

Historically and grammatically comments as follows a Roman father had absolute power over his family. He could sell them into slavery make them work in the fields in chains he could punish them as he liked, and even pronounce the death penalty on so that was the extent not simply of parental jurisdiction, but that was the extent of a father's power in the timeframe in which Paul writes this particular letter. So what we find them doing is urging upon fathers as he is urged upon children and husbands and wives. The living of their lives in such a way as to testify to the radical difference that is made by the gospel. What Paul does, then, and this is simply worn. The father's against rules without love, or if you like, warns us of law without grace now tease this out for you as you go along. Paul in his leisure is urging upon his readers the nature of the father's love for them. Now he turns and says essentially as the father has loved you and loves you so I want you to love your children, how does the father left you while in a quite remarkable way and we are to love our children in that way we are to love our children for who they are, not for who they ought to be. We are to love them, not for what they should have been, or for what they might become. If they only try a little harder but we are to love them as the very gifts of God entrusted into our care that unless we get down to our children sharing in their simplicity, sharing in their joys chair sharing in their very childlikeness, and sometimes childishness, then we will never wound them with the nature of the father's love and we will never wound them with the implications of this gigantic person called dad descending to who I am and where I am because he tells me that he loves me with an abiding passion. Now it is in direct contrast so that that we may as father's exercise such a control over our children so as to exasperate them rather than to encourage and delight them and we could spend all evening talk about ways to exasperate your children. I'm sure there's a book there. You know 10 ways to exasperate your children or 10 ways not to. Maybe that's what he needs to be there. There are no surprises. And these are the we could if I had a board I can write them up.

You could call them out. There's an almost limitless list injustice, injustice will exasperate our children. Why, because our children are moral beings and they have written into them a sense of fairness. Children know about fairness children say to one another. That's not fair. They may be misguided at times but the understand fairness and the understand fairness when it comes to a father's discipline and when a father acts arbitrarily or impulsively and certainly unkindly children identify that they are equally able to recognize inconsistency a widening gap between dad's mouth and dad's life and hypocrisy, which becomes almost pervasive and all embracing that sends a boy or a girl into his bedroom, shutting the door and say to himself, I don't ever want to be like that Mr. so-and-so down the street thinks my father is so this so that so the next thing if he ever came in my house and saw that my dad is like he wouldn't even believe it, and the child recognizes the radical impact of inconsistency severity will exasperate a child severity. The kind of severity that was part of the father's power in the Roman culture. It has no place within a Christian home, we may think that we will accomplish more by driving our children but the fact is we will accomplish more by drawing our children. Some of us by nature our drivers and we need the power of God's Spirit in the dictate of God's word to teach us how to draw earthly favoritism exasperates children favoritism.

Why can you be like your brother. We just had a letter about your cousin. She seems to be doing so well. The inference is the parent never needs to say anything the parent does need to finish the sentence and say how come you're not doing so well.

The child understands the child is exasperate will exasperate them when we belittle their achievements when they can never really achieve nothing. Nothing is ever good enough. It's always the next game.

It's always the next point. It's always the next lap.

It's always the next report. It's always the next be or is the next a or is the next triple whatever it is, and eventually the children are thoroughly exasperated. We exasperate them when we fail to treat them as individuals. If you have any children at all you know the children are individuals. One size does not fit all. That's true in every decently made garment and it is true in golf instruction and it is true in the raising of children. This is a very complex thing. The fathering of children in the book of Proverbs ought to be a reminder to us of the event of the diversity of what's involved. You don't need to read every chapter of Proverbs to every child you have in the house but you will need to read some of every chapter to every child you have in the house and the skill in being a father is in making sure that you need the right chapter to the right child because if you read the wrong chapter to the wrong child will exasperate them why you telling me that that and right along with that goes nagging, nagging, and right along with nagging goes. Constant faultfinding, and right along with constant faultfinding goes a failure to appreciate their attempts to please and a failure to appreciate their simple kindnesses I sent to somebody other day.

God is very gracious if he grants his grandchildren, because in one sense, vicariously, he gives us a second go at this because the video of my children's life's cannot be rewound, it can be replayed that he can be rewound element just work this forward with you in relationship to that given those exasperating factors we keep in mind that each of our children has their individual personalities and it's all too easy for us to either indulge and spoil them or at the other end of the extreme to humiliate and suppress them. The hard thing is getting it right.

Matching love to need and matching the punishment to the crime and the skill and fathering under God and enabled by the Spirit and held by everybody that we can get help from a tall the skill and fathering is in learning quickly that children are little people in their own right. Yes they are children. Yes, they are entrusted to our care by their little people in their own right, and therefore they will be kind, the grown-up version of the little person that they are, and we may have accomplished very little in seeking to ensure that they become just like us, or worse still, just like the person we wish we were these little ones are individuals in their own right wise parent says John start recognize that not all the known conforming responses of childhood deserve to be style rebellion missing that to you again is a great word. I wish I'd learned it earlier. Wise parents recognize that not all the nonconforming responses of childhood deserve to be styled rebellion is not necessarily rebellion when she appears with a yellow skull and the blue saw immediate as if you told her I only want you to wear to Red Sox, but if you gave her freedom to walk to her room and dress and she came down like this. Welcome to our little world she's going to be artistic. She's going to be interested but she father says what you doing with a ridiculous socks. What's that style, and the tiny spirit who thought about those socks before she put them on either acquiesces to my sarcasm and dresses more appropriately or suppresses a spirit of deep defiance and says if he thinks this is bad, will I show them well somewhere it is by experiment. This is still start is by experiment that children discover both the limits of their liberty, and the quality of their parents love I will obviously start is not taught about the expressing of liberty beyond the bounds of moral propriety and biblical orthodoxy. If you like is talking within the framework of what we just been reading in Proverbs, but what he's observing is that within that big framework is a tremendous amount of opportunity for self-expression in the discovery of who this person is we can never teach our children to write a bicycle. As long as we hold the saddle. The only way to learn to ride a bicycle is when you let go of the saddle and when you let go of the saddle. It's a big risk is a big risk for you as a parent is a big risk for them as a child, but if you want to spend the rest of your life running up and down some sender roared holding onto the saddle of your child and go ahead and do it. Not only will you look dumb, but your your daughter, your son will never, thank you for it and people becoming out of their houses to stand in the front yard and see you as you come by. I've never seen anything quite like this.

But do you know how many fathers are essentially running behind the saddle of their son or their daughter, either because they are unprepared to trust them or because they are unprepared to allow them or whatever it may be, all under the guise that this guys the exercise of my fatherly intervention. No failure here may result in our children acquiescing to our rules while actually living in the sense of disobedience or they may in turn overreact and they become boastful and anxious in their self-assertion. Let's remind ourselves that I've been using parents and fathers interchangeably. Just keep this in mind, the focus is on fathers as grateful as we are to the part played by mothers in contemporary child rearing and inordinate amount of responsibility given to mothers in contemporary child rearing and is thankful as we are for it.

It doesn't let ours as fathers of the and in the Old Testament the picture of the father is the picture of that man who takes both the word and uses it to instruct and takes his life and uses it to train the Old Testament in Proverbs gives to is this great and perplexing verse 22. Six train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. The positive side of the equation is there in Ephesians chapter 6 don't exasperate them because that will only crush their spirits. Instead, bring them in the training instruction of the Lord, or as Peterson paraphrases it take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the master are quite like that.

I think you going to the very peer for bringing them up is as a verb, which really means to nourish them to nourish them Martin Lloyd Jones in one of his writings makes a passing comment when he says if fathers spend as much time nourishing their children as they spend nourishing the roses, their families would be able to speak to the better off getting about how much time as fathers we give to the nourishment of our physical frame to the nourishment of our career to the nourishment of all most of things not bad thing necessary things.

There's only so much nourishing can be done because there's only so much strength in a body and there's only so much time in a week nourishment of the good news is the bad news. I think because the good news is that what were called to do here and bringing them up in the training and instruction of the Lord nourishing them in this way is a long-term project to long-term project as per the good news and the bad news. The bad news is is a long-term project. The good news is is a long-term project. What is being called for here is not something that you can knock out in the weekend. I'm intrigued by how many weekends there are in America. Many weekends are good and D conferences. Since you know 24 hour conference to put yourself to rights. You know you can fix your marriage over day and 1/2 at the Marriott with stress on so he comes in and fixes you and if you come you get your kids fixedly get your everything under plan and gone and everything else. I look at all these conferences are generally millions and millions of dollars and flushing people all over the place and here I am, along with my colleagues pastoring a little flock here. We are all the flock here in their marriage is really like a challenge, and their children were like a challenge. Hey what's up you did you go to the thing. The 24 hour special. How was it while it was good what it'd do nothing has exactly right. Well, he did something dollars be unkind to learn something, but is the long haul. It's a long haul. Note easy.

Remember this because short-term gains can be deceiving those started strut your stuff dad because your son is 13 and is walking on the giant Bible and a navy blue jacket. Anything sees me.

That's a bad role model to start with the sword and so and then on guard came and sold them, and so the answer. I'm not impressed with that and you shouldn't be and be thankful for every game but don't click on your website over the picture there, I suggest, don't put it in your Christmas letter. Since Ingrid Ferguson I was delighted to find a compatriot here and just the other day. Singler writes the boasts of one Christmas letter may be the griefs of later once the employer along too fast. This is a long-term project. Our sons are not raised. Our daughters are not raised, the journey is not over just because they graduated from somewhere in its engages kindergarten bulimic kindergarten was a long time past and therefore are short-term losses and our disappointments, of which we know a great deal need also to be viewed in light of eternity. Yes were in trouble. Yes, things are not going as I hoped with my child yes it is, is like pushing our walk about hard place. Yes, I don't want to write about this. Yes, I don't really want people inquiring about this only my closest friends and those who love me most make sharing this with me to stand back from it and you realize that the phraseology here is not something knocked out in a weekend or banged out in a day conference or figured out in weeks even months and sometimes years. It may take a lifetime to see this come to fruition, and it may be that some of us will die and see the fruits of what we do and that the joy of heaven will be to discover Dr. walking across the poor folks. I thought that we start was lost and gone for good, because we never saw what we expected to see when we expected to see God makes everything beautiful in his time person.

This is not daytrading. This is long-term investment. As we train and raise the next generation. We are making a long-term investment will continue learning about the investment we make next weekend.

In part two of this message your listing to Truth for Life weekend with Alistair Begg with today's message is addressed to fathers and the timing of this message could not be better.

Many of us are celebrating fathers this weekend. On behalf of all of us here Truth for Life we want to wish you a very happy Father's Day. If you listen to Truth for Life weekend regularly you know that a lot of thought is put into selecting the books that supplement Alistair's teaching and the book we are featuring currently is a vital one, it alerts us to the fact that each of us as believers is involved in a spiritual battle and we need God's provision. That's why we are recommending the book titled the whole armor of God of Christ's victory strengthens us for spiritual warfare. This book teaches us that Satan is indeed a very real enemy, and we don't stand a chance against him unless we are fully equipped with each piece of armor. God provides chapter by chapter. You learn how to put on the pieces of spiritual armor like the belt of truth, or the shield of faith, how to be prepared for spiritual combat won't be caught offguard by spiritual attacks request a copy of the whole armor of God today by visiting Truth for Life.org Bob Lapine thanks for listing. Join us again next weekend. As we learn why fathers should keep loving their children, even when the benefits are obvious. Bible teaching of Alistair Begg is furnished by Truth for Life learning is really