Forgiving Our Fathers; click here to listen

Every man, Jesus was one feels more like a losing battle for New Jersey were glad to have you with it.

It seems like it's been forever since we've all been together in studio to Ms. Robby and Dennis and Vinnie and how well out here so we have everybody here is was a great show that we can all come to get some perspective on lettuce you guys good to see you to thank you all warm and fuzziness of the so long as the set up upstart want to talk a little bit show about something or know next week. That's pretty exciting. Robby is something that were told that we were doing next week. Yes, for the first time ever working to be lied to the masculine journey at Heritage Woods which is what many describe exactly how to get there since he lived there, but is sort of an assisted living center that is to be doing the art of living well and it's going to be really cool for you but there's this transition that some of us as we got get on in life realized that at some point window I go to assisted living one of those kind of things and then what happens to my story, so to speak in my still part of the story or by fading off into the sunset so to speak, and so this event is kinda how can we do that in God's grace, so to speak with ease and so were to hear about on the last one journey, the Christian cargo show Warner Bros. well in order to be sharing how to drive when it it's kinda hard to turn your head around anymore how it is to get out of those scooters and receipt and how to get know this kind of thing so be doing that on the Christian card I met on kingdom pursuits will be talk about all those aspects of the art of living well and so we get some aspirin journey part. Sam, be sure and test we are working to be talking with some of the residents there about who looking back is looking back usually gives you more clarity when you're in the midst of things in masking them as they look back is been sages in their life who's committed. A key time and an older male in older female that said hey let me take under my wing and give you some good advice or help you along the way in helping actually. Hopefully to see that there really needed there really needed to sages and other people's lives.

We get the benefit. Having Vinnie every week, but there's a lot of people that need of any of try and sell political opportunity to see all that, and in the place and we are alive again. May 2 which is next Saturday starts at 10 o'clock the Christian Cargile go all the way through the masculine journey and we're hoping you'll come out and meet us when I have stuff to give away all sorts of events were going on in the art of living well that's an awesome awesome program that there there debuting that it's it's a series of me running for a while and it touches on a lot of different aspects of life in spiritual side the physical side. All these different things and kicking off this this program and it's for the residents there and it is open to the people that want to come in and be a part of that, so would love to see out there to hear from you. We don't get a chance very often to get out there and see cousins would love to have you come out if they want to come to that of any holiday how they go about getting to their what what was the address over there 3812 Westgate Dr. that's familiar with Home Depot was a small bullet on his right behind Haynes will depot Home Depot you see that's why am in this home through the actually it's united. This group of immigrants you know he could bring out the back, but we it's on Forest gate Drive 12 Forest Gate Dr. hinges off Westgate center, which is that road like to talk about Haynes Mall Boulevard you come up on Westgate center Drive, and that if you take that down crosses for statement there is this wonderful community is called Heritage Woods and that's where Robby on May 2, which is again next month. This would love to talk with you. We have a topic today it's you think would be doing like leaving me early in June because it pertains the father's who were doing a pretty intentionally when were doing it now one because God said in a candid time to do the show and secondly that's most important than secondly were about eight or so weeks, 70 weeks on the counter in front of me Father's Day and so maybe something you can give your dad along the way if something were to talk about today when I talked about gifts were talking about since in his heart.

We really need and so today were to be talking about how our heart changes when we recognize that our fathers were also wounded people in a few not really been listening to a song that you may say what what are you talking about staying with us.

I think you make some sense as we can unpack this over the next half-hour. To begin, I want to play clip is from the movie Hoosiers. If you haven't seen that movie, it's about basketball in the best state the world Indiana to skinning a grocer, but I moved from there to north Carolina which is now the state but it's about basketball back in the 50s and so you have the story of this coach and newsletter sub stories going on and again it's movie.

It's about basketball but it's not really about basketball. It's about life and he has a player. The coach does has a father that's an alcoholic who'd been a great basketball player.

Once upon a time and so the coach goes after the father's heart to try to helping why he still struggled with alcohol and here's a conversation between the coach and the man son will close what you're doing with my dad not seen as drunk do something stupid but going on there to question him to talk a bit about as you hear that you are the sons pain coming through some pain of past letdowns. Past times and had faith in his dad and something went wrong or embarrassment that he felt hurt, but he felt anything to hear that coming out when he's talking about his father about this clip he said there's something about this clip that you really had something on your heart about it, but I think that it's hard for when he's feeling that is hard for him to get a sense of may be what's behind what's going on with his dad, and you don't have a dad that when he from the time he was a teenager was and I wouldn't necessarily call my dad an alcoholic but my dad started drinking at a fairly young age was a middle child and as I look back on it now I see there were a lot of insecurities there and my dad which would which show often do things. He had a 57 Chevy had some gas.

Went out drinking one night when he was a teenager wrecked the car just about killed everyone in the car and my dad became a driver. He was a very hard worker, always trying to prove himself. So if you look at that in the connection. I'm trying to make is if you look at the drinking that he did a lot of times which us all as we grow, grow up, grew up and I have had some issues with that myself or something. Underlying their in trying to prove yourself some insecurities that you have in your life. I never really solved that back then. I never saw that that was what was going on, I started to get a glimpse of it about 10 years ago that my dad is always kind of trying to prove himself and there are some wounds that go back probably in his childhood that I don't even know about.

So and I think that's what were getting out there that there was something in Dennis Hopper's character that went went beyond just his drinking that went. If you took the drinking away. There was something else there. There were some wounds there for him as well. Absolutely.

And that story if you haven't seen it is a good movie goes goes on in their sudden redemption with the story let you watch it on your own. Between the father and son but I think that that's something that happens for all this. A lot of times were so young and things happen. We don't have the eyes to see it or that the mind to understand it, but were still thinking like a child, and so as we grow up sometimes have a hard time moving past that because it's been ingrained in us for so long. We still kinda think that way. It's hard for us to see things any other way we talk a little bit before the show and in anger is something that you often hear disappointment, anger can all tied together, but that anger is really just kind of a safe place is if I'm angry and I don't have to deal with the topic. If I'm angry I don't have to think about forgiveness because that person may not deserve forgiveness my eyes. If I'm angry I don't have to be vulnerable and so angry is a pretty safe place to be in that situation and you don't have to do any work.

I think Al was talking about that earlier that there's a part that comes into play for us as well.

And if you're angry then you can say it's it's all his fault.

There's nothing that I need to do in order to to let God do some healing work with me. I can just it's danceable. If you haven't listened to the song were not trying to talk bad about father's that's not the intent. It's it's a journey of discovery as God helps you deal with some woundedness in your life that unfair in verily no matter how good our father was the person matter how much he showed love to us there's wounds along the way because her father was also broken person. I love my daughters I love my sons but now looking back I can see how I've wounded their heart over the years and I don't know that you love them anymore than I do, but I was broken and had to deal with some of my own stuff I can see that more clearly. For me, but I could only see if my dad just recently is recent as they before yesterday.

My son made a knee-jerk reaction.

My oldest son in mated big decision and it irritated me that not that it was a bad decision that he didn't stop think about it pray about it planted out make sure it was the right decision. He just went and did it. So when he came to tell me that he'd made a decision. I interrupted him cut them off and jumped on him about it he got got quiet and peaceable. Thanks for talking to walk away and I thought okay with letting her well but he came back he said you know that I love you and I want your opinion, but I got frustrated that you just cut me off without let me finish you didn't listen to me and I felt about if you could see a probably 1/4 of an inch felt that big in. I had to stop and listen to them and I realized I was cutting him off because he wasn't doing what I wanted because I didn't want him to make the same mistakes but as a father I have to make those changes is the first time I've ever been the father of 29-year-old in the month of May or April wherever he hard time but we we think that our dads know everything, but it was the first time that they were that age with the child. Every day is new and its new experience for them, just like absolutely talk little bit more about discovering those wounds and how God starts unpacking how he moves us towards our father in a different light helps us understand and hope that next step towards forgiveness for letting us come back and listen to one from everybody loves Raymond don't miss that exercise is high is maintaining a healthy diet. Of course neither side Eckstein type II diabetes disease and stroke kill nearly a million people year. Most of these deaths are preventable with regular activity and non-smoking. Talk to your doctor about your risk for type II diabetes and heart disease. You can stop starting right now moving America.org or call 100 babies from the American diabetes Association Loretta guys really went to town on that leg of lamb, yeah, thanks Amy, I'm glad everyone enjoyed it. Something's wrong. I know you too well since companies cutting his salary. He doesn't think will be able to afford the mortgage or if you think you may be in danger of foreclosure over the foundation for credit counseling at 866-687-6322 or visit mortgage (.org mortgage health now.org is a public service from the SEC no hearing that song Mike mechanics, which was one of the guys from Genesis is a solo album on an unheard of for a long time for ever really listen to the words. Oh my gosh, what a good song. What a powerful song that enters into the place that were talking about today.

Yet it really is. It really is kind of sad when you hear it, because what he speaking of this lady never got to the point had that conversation with his father he never got to the point to deal with those wounds.

In the course. He talks about it's too late when we die to to admit that we don't see eye to so there's never really that that work that gets done and in that sad if that doesn't happen and sometimes that healing comes we have that move towards becomes we have a different perspective which most of the clip here in a second really helps us see that there that I guess in this case, but see it figuratively before that Robby were doing something really cool next week May 2 right what is it's a week from today work on a live 10 o'clock with the Christian cargo show kingdom pursuits and the masculine journey for the first time ever, at 12 o'clock out there at Heritage Woods which is 3812 Forest gate, which is off Westgate Center Drive. Again, if you know where the Home Depot is on Hanes Mall Boulevard you turn on that little road right there that's Westgate Center Drive and you come up for state to see this community that is Heritage Woods and working to be there with the art of living well and you know as I listen to that song actually I was thinking about Vinny's relationship with his dad and what a gift it is for somebody Vinny's generation NSH in my life. He had a relationship with his dad and then he is a remarkable story that if I didn't have stages of my life.

I never would've heard about right near the end of your father's life any you had that moment with him where you got to see I die before it was too late. Yeah, I think I I've spoken about it once before but my father was living with me. My father and mother was living with was a tough guy all his life and we were sitting down and having dinner and he looked up at my wife and he says that's a man I never was just the stiletto chair because the father didn't know how to give a compliment will be nice. My relationship was love-hate relation ship when we were outside I love them inside. I hated him how he treated my mother, but like I was telling the guys here this afternoon. I just started to pray this week. Believe it or not my mother, who was gone the actual time to forgive him for giving them now and you know she was on the receiving end and I'm trying to tell the speak the hope she's hearing me please forgive.

I think he knew this. Bad deeds against the family and you yeah you know what I miss my father for a lot of reasons and I hope my children miss me when I'm, I'm sure I know the will miss you but that's a long time to talk about that moment Sam how meaningful I know you set a record.

And you know I go by weeks and on. Okay, fair enough. There's something about in our heart where we try to hold onto things and talked about why we hold onto because it saves those kinds of things and we think that were punishing that other person and at the end of the day holding ourselves Holding ourselves captive from what God's trying to do in our life know whether that other person deserves forgiveness.

That's really God's thing. He calls us to forgive others and understand that but thinking about what I want to do for my heart. What what steps can I take one of those is believing God's there and he's gonna help you write music and help you see your father in a different angle and want to play this clipper a quick one a really kind and not me on my chair when I was watching this TV show. One time we play the clip before. So if you've heard it, you're gonna love him again if you haven't, you can be pretty surprised. It's from the TV show.

Everybody loves Raymond that no one considers be a serious show that Kennedy was in serious thing.

Sometimes, in this particular clip to listen to Robert brother Raymond and rank the dad having telling ladies a been going to therapy together.

This group therapy were the really big ones in the horse track the bed and whether there there making up things to tell the ladies when they get back in sooner joining this conversation there sitting at the horse track done with whatever they're doing for the day. There are talking about. I was doing until the ladies when we get back. Let's see how this kinda unfolds…… Why is withholding effectual chips and conferences.

Whenever I did something I always felt that was disappointed not to mention what you will like that stuff right. Why was I like that verbal abuse to talk about no since last week.

You know, when you choose problems where you stuff. Personally called about was you got, you will withdraw from you because what it was like that with you like what you have allowed so so I just want to grandpa Joe and his dad was the worst. My grandpa's cell.

Very scary. My guy just tell me horrible stories about how his father used to when he was, it didn't mean every day that it was like a was like that for everybody that's just the way it was you and never really I couldn't. I don't know.

I was always weakening him didn't like that you can't listen to that and not realize it would be a change in Robert and Raymond Hart because they knew more of the story and as you know we kind of talked earlier than when we know more of the story. It helps us have perspective it doesn't change what happened to us. We can get a context in which understand it and Frank wasn't a banner father in this TV show he was doing everything he could at that moment, not to be like his dad and so there is a victory in what he was trying to do, even though they couldn't see it. Mr. quick story and then open up you guys my dad good man had issues know that he and I had some issues but he was used very, very, not very lenient on things.

I mean if he told to do something you're going to do it or there was to be a price to pay. Sometimes that price was going out and taking on switch that you're going get spanked with sometimes it might be the little horse whip thing that had poppy with a couple times and something really really bad. It would be the belt and I didn't get about a whole bunch of times because I try to avoid that. And I carried around just some frustration over some land some unforgiveness for him and then a few years ago I have to make a trip to Florida and was talking with one of my sisters and she started tell a story. I measured it on there before about my dad when he was 18. His dad was very, very rigid for long time. Not not the grandfather any later on.

Become a Christian and I got work in his heart. Before that, even a very very hard man and when he my dad wouldn't do something he wanted, he would beat him with the belt he would do some things like that to make sure hope we didn't happen again. My dad was 18 and he done something that my grandfather didn't like, and my grandfather said okay we get back to the house. You know it's coming.

That said no you not ever touching me again be civil to get your things and get out, which is hard enough when that's 18 and he's going to go out on his own and so fast forward a little bit. My grandmother gets really sick and he thinks that there's a chance she may not live in's my dad goes back to see his mom but before he can going to sear my grandfather makes you take the beating that he would've gotten before it on it, knowing that story. I see my dad differently doesn't change what happened to me but it changes my heart towards him and send that time God starts to work on my heart where I can get some healing because we can't really move to true healing without some level forgiveness that will get some healing to give that to us. He's gracious, but at some point, as you said before, we have something on our plate, don't we. We have to do something with that absolutely went with me. I think if you look at the Hoosiers clip was reverse the roles I was the drunk and my dad was the good guy who said don't. I don't see where you're going with this.

Don't give him a chance it. But he was saying that to me. And years later I became a Christian and I realize everything my dad said was true. It hurt caused wounds, but it hurt tremendously in, though I wanted reconciliation. My dad wouldn't talk to me so all I can do is change all I can do is pray and when we finally were reconciled gave me a hug he said is good to see you guys.

My wife and said thank you for saving my son and I thought God not in get any credit that can hurt my feelings, and he gave my wife a lot of credit but it was probably six, seven years after that, he said son I want you to know.

It amazes me how you turn around. God really worked in your life and that was so huge for me because after we bonded over that it was probably three years after that I saw my dad laughed for the first time.

I mean just bust out laughing and we started to share the relationship. I always wanted to if you find yourself today at a place where you're struggling to forgive Nancy and Stephanie forgiveness right now. If you're not ready to go there but ask God to help you see your dad in a different light with your dad's alive. Her face passed away like mine. It helps you to move that next step in and help you move your heart that next step is actually a free his heart a little bit.

If you're only reversing like you said out really gotta continue to change your heart so you can move into a deeper place of healing as well and you want to join us next week right. Robby will be heritage was right behind the Home Depot