Shame, Guilt, Fear, Hiding - Part 2

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We're very glad to have you today and today were to continue the topic we started last week.

Back in studio with us and I was in her last weeks number glad to be here this week we have Darren Kuhn friend of the show founder the show. Just a really good friend.

All this, we've all learned a lot from over the years, Jim would like to say the same thing about in a heavy will be on the day we are probably seems kinda weird not to have Robby happily lived here is an share with this little bit about the topic we we started last week and organ continue this week that week we started talking about the grace that we need in our families for dealing with anybody in our family including ourselves. Quite frankly that's caught up in sin. And so even using that type of terminology caught up in sin might I do know that might inflame some ideas for some of us, but that the whole idea here is how do we deal with other people's brokenness. How do we deal with our own brokenness and when I say brokenness I think if you're a longtime listener to the show, you know exactly what I'm talking about and I will have to explain that, but brokenness could be addiction. It could be some sort of compulsive behavior.

It could be a depression. It could be any kind of sin or way of being in my way of being would be a better way of saying that just because not every way of being is sinful, but sometimes my ways of being might grate against other people, you know, some days I might forget to wear deodorant.

Some of the thing. It's hard for people to understand.

I think is a lot of times you talk about that term addiction and what comes of people's minds. Obviously, alcohol, drugs and pornography, whatever that might be a sex addiction but there's that's that's not the only things were talking about here right, no, not at all. Ultimately, what has happened in my life over the last year or two has really caused me to wrestle with this whole concept of wanting change in my own life wanting change in someone else's life in many people's lives that I am in relationship with whether it's family members or friends or whatever and and how to produce that change and ultimately I think number one. It starts with that myth that I can't produce change and anyone else I'm lucky to produce it in my own life.

But even if I can grasp hold of something that might cause change.

What would that be. Often times, in Western culture. We use shame. We use guilt, we use consequences of a negative behavior, warnings, things like that, all of which you know maybe the person is guilty.

Maybe the person should be ashamed.

Maybe the person has send maybe there will be negative consequences.

So I'm not necessarily saying that any of those things are are wrong in and of themselves as far as a process, but reminding that person of that guilt or that shame may not be the thing that's going to change them. In fact, it's I can promise you scripturally.

It won't change them. It will only drive them further into that behavior that you're trying to change the bar to get one accuser in their life. Yeah, literally, that a boatload more talk about something that you had written written that I read through the just talks about the cycle. The people go through yeah so I honestly believe that this is Satan's oldest ploy that he used it with Adam and Eve that he used it with Cain and Abel.

I think we've seen it from the very very beginning and and it starts out with this lie that God doesn't really care about my present position that may sound like any number of other lies but but the root of the lie is God really doesn't care about my present position or he would do something about it. He would change it. He would fix it. He would fix me he would fix that person whatever and so there seems to be an abundance of evidence that indicts God of not caring so that's where the cycle would start and then it's pretty easy to believe that if you've got all of this evidence, supposedly, and then that moves on to that live begins to produce some fruit. It it changes the way I respond to you. It changes my behavior and then that that fruit that that produced that demands condemnation. All of the sudden, oh no. I acted in this way. I believe God didn't care about me and then I start condemning myself and I start shaming myself or someone else condemns me or someone else shames me and then that shame causes hiding you know we we don't want to be caught in our shame.

That's why we have those dreams about going to school and you know being in front of the class in our underwear that's that's where that's from you. No minutes were scared of shame, and so shame inflames fear and fear always demands something it it demands me taking care of the fear I have to bed the fear down. I've got to do something to either forget about the fear change, the fear we as men I think I speak for myself and in this room I can't speak for anybody else but when I'm scared, though, the number one emotion that hits me is anger. I when I'm scared if I'm angry you can probably bet that I'm scared about something, especially if it's a really quick just plan off the handle anger, you can almost almost always attach that to fear somewhere near the point I was thinking as you were talking that used to be my default.

More so when I knew that that wasn't good at messed up a lot of people's lives go off on him and stuff like that so they became you know, hiding or running away from the situation.

So, enough to deal with that netted Mark either. The only way is to comp comp confronted you know whenever you're dealing with. Let me speak truth in love and am ashamed is something that people believe works right on some level it probably does frighten you is if there is no truth in it.

We would believe it but don't go to clip before we get too much further and it's from the movie Despicable Me in it if you want to go ahead and set that up… It's a part where the orphans are getting coming back in from selling and they didn't do as well as the lady expected was also interesting listen for two is kind of out woman propagates a orphans spirit with the kids, rather outselling cookies so see how they do it seem okay. Our only grant is what we can generally roses of improvement of the code.

Well, it was a trigger praise of speaking the truth would love I've rarely heard it spoken in love yet say set up for up to tell you what's wrong with you in. I do love you but and there's always that, but at the above so I sorta had a knee-jerk reaction and I will still react. I guess the likelihood of the clip only listen to clip the Internet is that lie I read its beginning. Yeah, the lady just feeds right into yeah I mean immediately. You know you're never going to get adopted with behaviors like putting a mud pie on my desk and then she follows up with you know that don't you. Now if you're a longtime listener to the show, you would recognize that as an agreement that woman has just mouthed Satan sly and followed it up with Satan's question.

Oh, you agree don't you and you know the little girl says yeah I know you know and it seems you know I love I love Despicable Me. It's one of my favorites and and yet it's got some really deep stuff in there when you look at it, we tell ourselves that all the time. You know you're never going to beat this, don't you yeah I know yeah I love your intonation because it's were defeated. Yeah right there where I added the lie. And then there's a whole you want to be in the box ashamed for the weekend right in and that's that somewhat doesn't lay people's we talked about learning a is a think about the movie Despicable Me. It really echoes a lot of what were talking about today. Right now as you watch the whole movie. It kinda runs through it and goes from this place of shame of guilt of living not in the truest form of who the people are and how to change their love and grace and on its protection very good movie and element fun because you haven't watched it shot don't like animated films. I love that has actually I'm on the opposite end.

I really love animated films because I think sometimes I can tell some truths, the people wouldn't listen to if it was a live action near they can kinda say things in a way that kinda goes past your filter and speak some truth, not all of them but some some of them. That's actually been some of the more powerful clips leave the years and not from animated inspectors make it hard. It's also because it had kids for 37 years and on. So you get used to seeing all those movies over and over and yell you over to see them enough to where you can actually memorize the lines in oh I didn't. I didn't realize that was in there. Actually, you know so you know anywhere on the DVD.

You've watched a lot you psycho VCRs to with five free to go to mask injury radio.org where you can listen to some past podcasting. Listen last week show. If you missed it or other shows and some of the topics of parents talked about. We also can register for the upcoming boot camp coming up in November. Mask injury radio.org to register now is a salmon mask my son Eli talked about ways you can help support is clearly a smile that he was on the information that Facebook.com where you can click the donate button waking into masculine radio.org once again you mail something PO Box 550 927285 I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse.

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It is hard to find stuff you know we've kind of hit around these topics several times.

Anyway, I found that Josh Wilson is the thing around I've heard of the step behind. From him but I never heard that song and it was spot on in his really do. If you listen to thinking to be hard to come back to your topic. What were talking about loving people through brokenness, which another way that you know we talked a bit about it over the last this week and last week was a lot of times it's a type of an addiction right and it could be any type of addiction right there anything that's going to pull you to comfort, to pull you to a place refill safe. That's not God in something arm numbs you right right you you know I member when I was really struggling at work. Years ago I just want to come home and play video games and it was more just because it was completely mindnumbing like I really cared what I want or lost as much of it was just mindnumbing and actually became somewhat of an addiction.

I did the same thing when I was very young, probably 19 or 20 years old and in a sales job. People thought because you know I talk good and and speak party gated and and stuff like that, that it would be you know that the best job in the world for me would be sales and out knocking doors and I absolutely hate sales hate it, despise it and yeah I would find myself either at a pool hall shooting pool in the middle of the day when I should've been outselling or going home for lunch and just staying home.

The rest of the afternoon and play in Mario brothers or something attitude to which my wife was very unhappy but yeah I mean that was in a it was literally an addiction and that's all it was. It was an escape, because it was it kept my mind off of hating the life that I was living at the time, and set a whole escape thing and in one form or another.

You talk about something last week during like for me to revisit if you will. It is this whole concept of law and where is what's all really rooted in yeah well you know we I mentioned last week that week. We often think of Satan as the great lawbreaker.

You know the thief the the accuser.

All of these things that he's great lawbreaker, but he's also a really really good lawmaker. He knows the law very well. In fact, he tried to use it with Jesus right when when Jesus and he are in the wilderness. He uses the law three different times with Jesus and and basically quotes the law and Jesus knew how to fight that off. We too many times.

Don't know how to fight that off.

Jesus, I mean that Satan will use the law scriptural law against you, but he'll use all kinds of other laws. It doesn't have to be the law that says drive 55.

It could be the church law. It can be the. The law of of you know, at church, we behave in this way, when that song comes on every body raises their hands. You know raises their holy hands to the Lord and maybe I don't feel like raising my holy hands to the Lord today. Maybe I want to sit down but the peer pressure next to me and everybody's gonna oh no Darren's caught in sin again and he didn't take communion this week. Now is not raising holy hands. He did say the Lord's prayer right in and in and when he did he fumbled through a key did not have it memorized and so all of those things. Satan is really good at using shame against us and using the unwritten the unspoken law and there are so many things that we just assume in our church that have nothing to do with the Bible I love. I forget is that it benefits what my favorite expressions on the that sacred cows make the best hamburger that I can destroy those things that we consider sacred.

Better really, I yeah instead of worshiping God were saying how were worshiping help wearing a suit church or were worshiping ladies hands being covered are all those other things are going to get us canceled because people calling complain that weird we could go after that I really legalism and where not there were free and so we made the address those that we have actually not just speaking the truth in love, we have a cliff. Actually, that really shows this societally type legalism is from the movie limousine.

If you and talk little bit about it and it's just where fun fun thing she's having some she's pregnant without being married and she's come and petition the court or our labor, something she just trying to get some help. And in that this person things to have never had any grace bestowed upon her. She should not show when it and she just caught up in the legalism and again it's just a picture of what we deal with a lot of times where people get hung up on the minutia instead of looking at people's hearts from the student from her background. That's what happened to her and now she has a child that she tries to hide the that comes about and this can listen to how society says that she's the reason she was hiding that she had a child was because the child was out of wedlock right absolutely cannot not tied with building dismissed child out to be an soundest of your lies. My fault is don't always the right to do to make money as he cannot have women of models influencing the cows so obviously in this scenario, there are some unspoken laws are some spoken laws right of the society and and so what really happens to that person of the set free in the midst of the unit of living up to those laws is what really can't talk about an anti-that's not what happened to Karen and not at all.

She did what she wasn't shown grace delayed much later in the movie with John did that now movie really is an example not only their that that instance there that thing that you know the whole time J where is all over John Bell, John continually trying to hold him in a place of of legal is of authority over and because of that legalism goes his faults, and you know it it's so much about the grace of God that what pulls people out of that when there shown grace in their have the ability to show the grace to others in and tell you from her personal experience, I really wouldn't didn't didn't really understand how to give grace until I really realized that I really needed it. God really gave it to me absolutely in their nightly talk of it before the show but it can be confusing when you see laws like that are unspoken laws you lie.

That's not right right but you know Jesus also says give Caesar what's due to Caesar and so how do you say okay yes if laws are brought about. So trespass increases which I explained that here in a minute.

But how do you reconcile that with give Caesar what's due to him and things that you know you made to say I don't know that I agree with that. Yeah I mean I think the people asking Jesus to those questions. At the time were looking for an option out in whether their motives were wrong or right really doesn't matter.

But Jesus just basically says look the law that this society has lived buy-in as laid down is still the law and you should obey that law. And he doesn't go into all the reasons why I mean we could pontificate about that for a long time. It would it would destroy perhaps your ability to share the truth with people if you didn't. There's all kinds of reasons why we should obey the laws that are with in the realm of obey a bull by the Christian person. I mean, you know. Then there's some laws that there are some things that are legal that I would say as a Christian I cannot do and there are probably some things that others who have been put in this position may say well this is breaking the says this is breaking the law, but as a Christian I I have a problem with that and and I don't believe that I'm breaking that law and so and there's probably arguments to be made both sides but it's a lot like what Paul says in in Galatians and Romans in and in Titus and other places where he talks about this. He was always accused kind of of will now wait a minute, you're giving people a license to sin, and so not sure he probably won't talk about that at some point.

Yeah, like right now works okay. I love being with Sam and yeah I mean it. Paul basically says that in and everywhere Paul went there was somebody in the crowd and it was always a legalist. Let me tell you that was yelling at the loudest, but I believe there were probably also faithful followers of Jesus who were struggling with law and grace in their own life who may have often said to Paul, but Paul, Paul, wait, wait, I got III understand this grace thing, but man, it sure sounds like you're saying people can do anything they want and be forgiven for it and so Paul has to repeatedly say again, don't let your freedom be a license to sin, but in and again that's why he says in Titus two that grace has appeared to all men, and this grace is the thing that teaches us to say no to ungodliness to say no to fleshly desires and to say yes to God. In this present age and so that's the struggle we all live in is where we go well. I have learned it's easier for me to love people into behavioral change.

When I use grace rather than anything else.

If you don't know what to do with that because we didn't really sum up the topic they want to revisit some more Jesus. And so Jesus how to show grace in the situation. Thank you for listening and capacity go pray that today is there's everybody need some grace