Initiation for Daughters

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I don't know exactly how to say it in factly. But Sam get you set up this topic last week and now you want me to host the show will not actually be topic. It was your idea. I do have an announcement on here. You want the full story goal should step in and talk about this ;-) okay here. I just danced and so came full circle back to its initiating daughters and knowing we talked last week about initiating sons and and and honestly, you know, I think most everybody in the room is got at least one enzyme to daughters with some experience here and you know the Bible is we've talked about is not just loaded with stories of great products other than God, which will go with that. But you know you even got one good old uncle and Mordechai and and we been challenging each other to try to find this example but I do think that through this we know some things not to do so. We have a clip originally think it was a laugh track, but the more I listen to it, the more I laugh, and it happens to be Henry Fonda and his actual daughter Jane Fonda and on Golden Pond and I can't help but wonder you know if you know there's some some real going on here just based on the snarky missive of the conversation, but if you live some life and and you felt this. I I'm going to guess that this is not the relationship that you want to end up with your daughter and and and I I would note listen to how quickly Henry when she wants to talk expects that she wants something some money for some new clothes. That's close to that's placed with assassins like Henry Fonda pain to talk to you be the problem. There's no problem. I just want to talk to you. I am relationship that were supposed to have a relationship that we know father and a daughter. Just in the nick of time will I believe everything you support obtaining just it seems that each other for some matter that we just didn't like each other. You run more often you let your mother that's tough place to be right there. Sam it is.

But it will things that it does remind us of is the distance. As men we can relate to and I would want to know that I have my father's approval of how to live my life in our house that I try to raise my kids are those things and I think in some of those don't change regardless of how old you are, you know, my dad's been dead since 1984. Doesn't mean I wouldn't want to think that I think for little girls they still and know that their dad delights in them right that there the apple of his eye. You know in maybe that passions been hidden for so long you don't really think about it, but it comes out somewhere you can hear it in Jane Fonda's voice there.

She just wants the relationship to be what it should be and I cried for the same thing, and Annie.

I would imagine you've got a daughter that you think you have a wonderful relationship and do she's been through the teenage years words you know there was.

There were those times where it was like you know she just wanted in the teenage years and a lot of times I don't want you around, but she's got a matured out of that and she's grown up now that it's more of the time and she wants the same kind of connectedness that we had when she was a young girl but you know it's it's really it's core to, you know, the way we see the thing on heart and that you not not to not to just generalize but you know it's and it's really relationships in general you want to be a part of that connected to that person at the wheel.

You want the person you want to spend that time you will enjoy the presence of the individual really say that my daughter has been exciting to see you even know that she kinda wanted to do her own thing and she was gone. Like most girls do in her teenage years to really be able to connect and go do things in and and just spend time with each other. You know it's it's a joy doing things I was thinking about is we met before the show, nor talk about the topic and knowingly known about the topic for couple weeks we all struggle and we struggle because we to do a very good job. Collectively right in our daughters.

For the most part are older.

But the good news is, it's never too late. Brightly is still requires engagement and requires intentionality, but it's never too late to love you daughter well maybe take a while to respond to it, but it's never too late.

I remember not long after I got into wild at heart in a semi-separate captivating and that's can be really helpful on how to love a woman is to understand you know what are their core desires and those similar things that we talk about all the time in math and journey and the cool thing at the time Mariah was pretty young and so I immediately moved right in there and realized how enticing a granddaughter now so I can I can I can watch that to that they want to be the apple of their dad's eyes.

They want to prove their skirts. They want to be seen. They want to know that there was fighting for it, you know they they definitely love time with her dad. But what I actually see in reviewing it with my older daughter, Tess, is that God bailed me out big time being like oh my goodness. Now that I know the story and I can look back I can see that you know my father wanted to take his fishing in Colorado.

This turned out to be a watershed moment in my daughter and my's life.

Is it at my dad wanted to take my son and I fishing in Colorado. My son Robby's my namesake. Keep should love to fly fish writing which he actually does like to fish now that Tommy didn't and so I came in on Mike Robby working to go to Colorado with dad. This can be awesome because I don't want to go to Colorado on that note, and tacit. The time it was two years younger than him, and was probably 11 or 12. The timesheets I want to go. I want to go. I want to go you teach me to finish and to fly fish she not a fish but she didn't know how to fly fish which was what the Colorado experience was and so I bought her waiters a butterfly rod and and we went out North Carolina. Learning how to fly fish before we ever got to Colorado and we spent time and she just there. I can tell you story after story of what that trip ended up being between Tess and I but then, what really you know transpired was in a test got married really, really young, like at 17 dropped out of school had a baby got divorced and she was really brokenhearted put herself through nursing school and all the stuff is as life goes on. Now I've got the granddaughter and she says to me when I was about four years old that I want Lila to have what I had. Will you take will you promise me that you will take Lila to Colorado fishing. You know when she's old enough and will you you know in and in like oh my goodness and and in those we've heard my first fuel-efficient story know that that came that's the back story to why I took Lila in test fishing and how important it is. Now you know that we have this but yet you know I still since there was a big something missing in my relationship with Wanted the Opposite of What Norman Had Their at and I Heard a Podcast on Brandsmart and They Said the Sky Was Talk about.

He Had an Older and Younger Daughter That She Was like 17 or 18. He Wanted by Her Promise Ring That Not That She Was in a Promise to Be Faithful, but That He Was Can a Promise That She Would Always Be the Apple of His Eye She Would Always Be As Liberal. She Would Always Be Number One in His Heart That Kind of Thing in Us That They Want a Great Idea. What a Great Idea to Do This for Testing Now. Tess Is 29 and Oh My Gosh I Mean It Was Another Time That God Totally. It Was Just God Totally Bailed Me out on This Deal As Number One and When I Told Her and Then Her Mother Got Involved in, and Their Mother Wanted to Help Pick out the Ring and When I Went to the Ring Place and Told the Lady That You Know Where Can I Buy This Promise Frank She Goes Was Your Daughter like Sen. No No No She's 29 and She Is.

I Just Want Her to Know You Know and the Little the Girl at the Counter Was like If My Dad Would Do That for Me Know in You Could Just See Your Heart Melt like All My Gosh God, You Have Me on the Right Track. I Had No Idea That You Would Do Be Able to Do This for Me and Then Denies Able to Give It to Her This Christmas. And Oh My Goodness, You Know What That Meant for Testing and My Relationship and Again You Know If We Still Have a Long Ways to Go before Were Norman, She's Number One in the Will or Whatever but Sam, It's It's Kinda Cool to Find a Acorn, You Know, Even Though Your Blind Dog and I Think That There's A Lot Of It Even More so I Would Believe Anywhere, Not a Girl Obviously but Even More so with Girls and with Boys.

I Think There's No Formula Right It Is. There Are Some Consistencies Entering into Their World Loving Them for Where They Are Living in for Who They Are. The Others Are Consistent but It Looks Different for Each Person in My Daughter and I's Relationship Is Really Change of the Last Couple Years on My Daughter's and I Because You Know It and Thinking Back about It. I Think More Than Anything, I'm Just Showing What My Mom Always Did for Us Kids. My Siblings and I Are so Different from One Another. We Lived Our Lives with Different Values Different Styles. Those Kinds of Things in My Mom's IA. We Were All Her Beloved Child and She Loved Us Exactly Where We Were in Looking Back, I Think You God Help Me See That in Whether I Agree with the Choice Here.

Her Choice There Isn't Really Important It so They Know That I Love Them Exactly Where They Are for Who They Are and Nothing's Ever Going to Change That Employee Push Them.

I Mean I'm a Total Failure at This Now.

I and Maybe That's Why You're Pushing the Mic to Me Because You Can Fail Guys and and Still Get It Back and We'll Talk a Little Bit about That Later, but My Daughter Is Now Almost 35 Years Old and Our Relationship Gets Better and Better and Better All the Time Even Though It Was Very Trying through Her Teenage Years I Just Love What You Said Aloud. Have You Said This, Let's Go.

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April 2 through the fifth. Register now@masculinejourney.org. I was kinda going through an inventory with me is a lot of songs out there that would be in the karate.

It makes me cry that here's the guy that has watched what, what's that rock camper and camp rock seven now you're on in your you got some against butterfly kisses. But I want to speak to somebody said a minute ago because when I think about you said, failure note, known and unknown, though no wow I've seen the relationship you have with your daughter and she does love to be around her dad and I couldn't agree more. I I wish you could say it to our audience. Like you said it in in in the meeting a minute ago about if you called the nation well so yeah what I we were we were talking about you know is this important to an older daughter, you know, to a daughter that's a little bit older. Whatever. And Andy said it to. It's not about the things she doesn't want things she wants time with you. You know and and if I know called an issue this week and said hey clear your schedule, take you out for a weekend in a just you and I were in a no go hang out in, take you someplace she wouldn't care where she would absolutely love it just to go do it with dad and and I would enjoy it as well and that wasn't always that way. However, you know, when she was a little girl we said father daughter dates and one of the first ones I ever took her to. For those of you who are wild at heart fans and have listen to our clips over the years was we went to the movie to see Groundhog Day.

I hated, you know, she thought it was kinda cute. I hated it. Now II get it. II understand it more now, but it it was that way she was, you know the apple of my and I was the coolest thing in her world for a long long time but about the time you know she got into her young teens that begin to change her mother and I went through some really serious marital problems and things like that and that rock her world and took her security away and she made some really bad life choices, and so did her dad and that really put a strain on our relationship for a number of years took to the point where for a long time I used have special ring tones for all my different family members and stuff I had to go away from that, because when her ring tone would hit my phone literally I would get sick at my stomach not because I didn't love my daughter not because I didn't care about her, but because I did love her because I did care about her, but the fear was what's happened now what you know. Has she tried to commit suicide.

She tried several times has she done something you know to herself as she hurt somebody else. All of those things and so there was that constant fear of oh no we don't live there anymore.

And a lot of the reason we don't live there is because I've walked in this message and I've learned how to treat her heart in a very different way. Rather than in a performance-based love sort of way. So good to hear Clint Eastwood in the movie trouble with the curve and again they kinda flesh this out forcefully. As you can hear this that the heart cry of really both people some money for some new clothes just came from the fathers and daughters can be the best relationship in your life and can also be nice to hear my garage is certain to shrink, drive, they have the contentious thing is my car and I drive down there so that they want the people and their father is set on dry staffing where I got very familiar with, and I thought she would be good for them for the collateral team's talent was a good match to claims she could stand up to him on screen.

One of those for me here is an old baseball scout and he's having a few health problems. She's proud of the job she's doing but she's worried about him. She figures the only blood relatives. She has held was making when six pageant handle on that I didn't send me away for a long time improving relations with her father's came here to watch baseball. We didn't come here to talk. I know everything is okay as long as we don't talk, trying to keep at it with her dad and he is a conflict that he doesn't want anybody to help anybody feeling sorry for you to single home responsibilities guys got to lighten up.

Dr. Phil is quality television want you to have like to see. So like wow are you you hear that Sam and actually that's a phenomenal movie on all the movie. It really is a deals with dislikes brokenness and sing a father and daughter work through the it's a really powerful movie. Well done that he doesn't want to face the real story you know in any doesn't want to go back into it because he doesn't see the need for the healing but when his daughter finally understands what was behind all the decisions it brought it brought healing and healing of the adjusted relationship itself.

I was gonna say I see the need for the healing. I still don't want to go back into it at times because it's messy because it's hard because it's it's more emotional with a daughter than it is with the sun you have to be more vulnerable and so that the toughest men that I know are men who are willing to enter into their daughter's worlds. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Oh yeah, conceit.

You can clearly see that by the end of that movie. There's there's really redemption and and there's really relationship of of what that was supposed to be not think there is a part in there as well as there's an embarrassment for him as a father because he doesn't like the way that he handled it. It is to know what to do at the time in onset entering back and there's very painful for him as well, as you said, it takes a lot of strength to do that but that's what we need to do a lot of times to enter back into that place of trust and acceptance with each other yet. I think what we were talking about earlier before the show started, is is really when you're think you're really messing up and maybe did think we beat ourselves up of what we did do but don't take only knowledge really maintaining that presence there in that life, even when you're not doing a poor job makes it all the difference in the world. And when you get can kinda get past that and God teaches you some things and you can heal your way out of that he heals you out of that and then you can go on do the greater things of really being able to initiate and really being able to go after their heart and really be able to go back and do things. I think sometimes I think what would life what would it be like if we had all the answers and him and never went through and made a mistake there would not be that opportunity for the healing and really that healing is part of the bill on that brings a relationship together and Rodney.

Another thing I think about and in your relationship with your daughters just love covers a multitude of junk and there's a lot of junk to cover all of our lives and just speak and write on top of what Andy had right. There is some of the best moments that I'm most proud of as a father is with daughters or sons is just saying I'm sorry with my spouse, you know honey I'm sorry just being old admit that stay there and if you didn't say that the time yeah it's hard but go back and say I apologize I was wrong. I love you.

It means the world to them and to enter into that world and be a part of their world and do things with them. What is their passion where they want to go do your finding out some passions that are coming from God only because he knew it in bed you and lead you on the way, I'm telling you folks, if you just keep going and trying things you're going to find out what it is because you're going to get a reaction from it. So just keep in their NJ daughters loves horses and let you go to the apartment about all we all she has to do is work at the barn. What you write is incredible but just being at the barn and working and mocking stalls and emails scuba horse poop. I mean it out of sight. All glass on I got fun.

Oh I love to do that just her and I at the barn doing the chores is just a great time. She tells me what to do, where to go, knowing that stuff but I get to do with her and you know, truth be told I'm trying to find out like you guys are talking about a 20 years later she's nosy. Do you remember the act. Maybe I don't ever all these wonderful things that we did, but you know you got it.

Be there to be present and have those memories you run the you talked about sometimes saying you're sorry and so if if you're a dad that's got a young daughter at home right now. You can probably say your sorry all you want to K and and any time genuinely obviously would authentically with compassion. If you're a father like me who has a 35-year-old daughter and may have a really shrewd strained relationship.

You may not be able to do that right now you may not. And this is this come straight from John Eldridge at five listen to. We've all listen to some his counseling on how to deal with situations like this. Restoring a relationship with the child you may not be able to face-to-face have that lunch or that dinner or that long weekend and say hey I'm sorry, and maybe shouldn't right now, but what you can do is write a letter with compassion, praying over it the whole time God should I say this, should I not say this, that sort of stuff and send that letter and let her respond on her own but don't put her on the spot, you know, by taking her out and saying hey honey, I'm sorry okay so are you okay with that. Yeah I mean because it takes time, even after the I'm sorry he's for that to sink in, and it takes time for some of that anger to surface and it may come back is anger in a response. It may come back is as compassionate may come back his grace and forgiveness and mercy and all those things.

But it's it's not easy but be careful. There is all I'm saying is saying we had one minute and with that one minute it's precious to swear like wow initiating daughters and I'm sure like me may feel like home. What an opportunity for actually enter into the relationship with our father that our daughters are properly lined with slight dad, I need some help here like I don't know where I'm going and in that's kinda what I daughters went numb from us absolutely and without God's guidance. It's going to be a really bumpy ride. It's going to be bumpy times anyway to follow his lead is again I don't know how to go here and follow him and let him lead you so out.

It's a wonderful journey and were supplied with us today as a messenger and a messenger of the radio.