46- Tapping into the Power of Kindness

Amy, wife can bring many difficult situations domestic violence addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your loved ones welcome Amy, and Q care you host any combo I was joined by Boris something I show is available live on the radio do I have called the care for our website. God is to care.com air broadcasting live from Miami. Also on Facebook search for God is that you are and collate the message button. You can always send the question and we would love to hear from you to show deals with suffering and the tenacity of the human spirit. The will to survive and the carriage to keep moving forward despite any obstacle with the help of God and each other.

If you got everything. Don't waste to many. It's only a matter time seems like you a little. Come find me from there are some awesome songs like that that making move and lift your spirits usually get tempted to do things the wrong way, rather than the right way and mean. Even when I'm going summer. My first intake instinct is to turn in the wrong direction. So I have to stop correct myself. Bobby doesn't turn me around just to go the right way. Maybe it's easier for some people. I don't know it's some kind of learning disabilities a saying of which there are hundreds to always go the opposite way. Taking shortcuts always seems like the first good idea that comes to mind that I was raised to the hard work which I discovered to be more beneficial and that kind of racing came from our father in heaven usually want to act or speak on impulse that I now stop to think or listen I first think of relaxing first and working later, but I tell myself no I used I work first and play later, though it can be difficult. I used to play things wherever it was nearest convenience, but it's stressful and you can't when you can't remember what you where you misplaced it. Now I take a moment to think that would be a good place to put this item and its help me become more organized.

Because of this, and usually finding useful items and getting less frustrated and I'm no longer wondering where things are.

Because everything has its place. That's the idea, evil and truths first to give you a chance to do the right thing instead if God was there first, it defeats the purpose of putting forth our own effort. I bet if we just think about things we are likely to do the right thing. Sometimes it just takes a few seconds to stop and think how easy is that and how often is it our first instinct to get angry, you heard consulted on when we simply choose to charge instead we can practice kindness and today we will be discussing the power of being kind. Our special guest is Gabriela Penry. Gabriela is the kindest expert a keynote speaker, a three-time author and the founder of care to be kind movement. Gabriela's books and work is focused on bullying, self-acceptance and productive relationships. Gabriela says that kindness is the most under utilized skill in today's world. Gabriela thank you for being on the shower yet. We are now live for having the think and I think I can summarize.

Kindness is being sent to mental, thoughtful, helpful and forgiving at times when it would be so easy to be angry. Gabriela your unique story and your glory. I can I can find my might. Being adopted at the age of three and then exposed to bullies and racism during your childhood. Can you tell our listeners a little bit more about your incredible story, though I am one of the first cross cultural world born in Pakistan grade 1st three years of my life in a Catholic orphanage where I beautiful name Gabriela and then I was adopted at the age of three viaduct family about very far away Europe and Pakistan, especially at that time and adoption kind of came with the price because the one hand you're incredibly grateful to have received the family but then you kind of fall with in this structure where there is more judgment about you about you being an outsider, having a different skin color. Speaking a different language and obviously also having probably a little bit of different habit and so that was actually very hard as a child and so I got bullied like completely and immediately upon my arrival and I think that I always say two other children that we don't see ourselves. Ray really dethroned even if we look in the mirror. We only see our flaws. We never really see our true selves.

So when children say two other children that you're ugly or not good enough or that there's something funny about your nose or your skin color you actually believe that as a child and that goes very deep and like your show says I mastered so I didn't give up easily, so I would very told the kids it frowned all over with other words, get over it and let you know that all to decide what's very interesting. It may is that there is a psychologist, Matthew Lieberman, who says that devastating effects do you have to. When we don't have that universal belongings were we don't have connections with others, so he talked about the social connection incredibly, which is why connections and Gabriela you're not alone because when I came to the United States from the Dominican Republic. Not knowing the speaking Spanish.

We were bullied as well because we were different we spoke Spanish and so and I know that anything that I felt that somebody asked me what are you feeling I'm feeling like I don't belong, not even in this world. Sonja I get where you're coming from. I understand that but it not belonging. We have three things that happened.

We kind of feel unnoted and one for Manuel right ourselves to go slower and so then we are even more easily pray for a bully because I almost say that they sniff it out you know of the weakness of someone else. But one of the mentality yet absolutely the one thing that I clearly teach is that the bullying victim are in a way similar they are mirror images of each other and I and talking both and I don't like the word police on the instigator okay so the gator and the victim when they fit together.

I always start with the victim my hand on their knee, a boy or girl or dessert doll and I always say before who hurt you when that happened and before I know it. That person is in. Because of that single act of kindness of carrying loving little strength. How how a lot of the kids follow the example of the agitator. I remember one time to yesterday when I was in elementary that would call girl a dog and nobody wanted to be her friend and everybody stay away from her. So I became a friend I was. I became a dog too, but it is just incredible how the just everybody joins in.

I seen it and it's it's it's really sad.

Also, Gabriela yes and and we need to teach our children that we don't have to be like everyone else. We can be our unique selves that that's more valuable and so and in the pictures you carrying a ball around you while you're on stage. What are you beginning with no hard beginning to tell the children what values and pandered beginning.

I found the ball because I love being like you write other language for II wanted to bring what it was. So I wrote on the ball.

We pride, he dropped the ball and you kind.

We help me pick it up in the English. I love pick it up or we dropped the ball. I love that on playful everyone knows what is mean children understand pick it up and I I throw the ball into the audience.

Adults and kids utilize and incorporate and I think this is one of you. This is someone who feels left behind night and that's and that's what we need to share around the roles. I mean, though, in this is the cure will continue talking to Gabriela Ben-Ami. After the short break, it would be kind if you stay with you and welcome back to the shelf and visit me in any cattle and this is the cure were talking to Gabriela Ben-Ami about the power of kindness you live on the radio and also on Facebook. Please search God is secure and send us a question.

We have all seen ourselves in situations of doubt and at times that we have lost her faith, yet still we don't lose focus at the D that everything will be okay. And for that we thank God, knowing we cannot fix it or make it stop. So let's start with turning off our phones and looking into each other's eyes. Imagine dragons had it right to live your life.

I love them that the great song for those of us who are always on our phones. If you look at me love it. Gorilla your frequent schools and universities in the health of force. The program elicited with more about the program and what exactly happens in the steps you out of my own like watching the world around me are are yeah are the first one you guys will love because you said it already. The pack mentality.

The first step is becoming becoming an active with all that means is you go from bystander someone who actually helped one PKD yeah and I always say that all all of Mormon strength from the inside and I call that might but we have this incredible might or power from the inside so becoming an active written authority is a person that even in the fear of pack mentality group picture friend and maybe even fix the victim by the hand he or she just walked out of the group because automatically the momentum will stop by doing that I really love SQL you take away the audience all the power becoming an active one is ownership of one's unique and that's a little bit hard because when you're young you go home and you tell your father your mother that you bullied.

They that your chubby little, or in my case that I was brown when you say that you know your parents kind of try to deny you that out of love and out of protection, but it doesn't really help the child. So I always do the opposite when the trial to be call me Charlie and the name I always refill weight and the child is always very mesmerized. They say what you because I'm not on my phone but my first we wait, wait, and then come the floodgate you know that the cheers really start rolling because you give that child that they that think where they know you're not looking on your front when they know you're not running away where they know that while this person is actually spending time with me sitting here call me and then the child usually says my mom says I'm not far and then I say well I don't really at this moment need to know what your mom thing I need to know you think what you feel in your heart that the child says I do think I'm fat. What a relief it over with. How do you feel in the child of you know well you just talk so that the ownership. They how you really feel but then throw it away. That's how you feel okay Don, I am sad I am brown I am whatever I have curly red hair.

Whatever it is that your own, yet only in the they say something is generally on the okay I will okay you thinking ownership part comes automatically right now yourself.

Stop the child or the adult yeah okay go and then I need them going there to be okay with him and he is not the way through it yet and I teach in the sport conformity and then that laugh, work, and for children. Conformity is pretty hard, but I show it in M&Ms like if you have a whole group of yellow M&Ms little red and the red M&Ms like a little layer of yellow over all the children, child, and then I think guys that's conformity. I pretend to be like them because I don't want to spend out the bad three and the last chapters of course my favorite here to becoming because it was so easy.

We need to bear. The reason I think there is because what if I'm rejected yes it right. What if someone mean kind to them and then they shall mean that my premium very especially in public, so we need to bear, but I only say answer all kind watch the magic.

What should happen federally and continue in Indochina laugh that you will change. They make a shift and why do you suppose it's important to be kind, especially when it's least expected, because the people I have a quote and I always say nobody strike another human being coming from the public think of 7 billion people on this planet.

I think it right 6.9 something like that. Okay, let's say 70. Pretend a name board .9 is not in that how much we act everything thing to grow great just to give you an example, things of the cashier that then in the three speaking speaking from a personal level will be all those things.

Those are automatic reactions that can be your first reaction usually phosphate, including myself, but I have to tell you how many don't fall for it, and I do the opposite thing I don't react in a bad way and I react in a good way which surprises me sometimes.

But I'm very happy about it much more prop out of myself and not only was it a good thing to be kind for that other person. But it's also good for you because you feel better about yourself. You don't feel good if you could add three no action reaction is normal. Nobody part of neither. In all, neither in our home that being reactive nonstop is the most hiring thing in the world, like playing ping-pong all day long with 20 people around you that that's no way to act until it until the example that I give is that cashier you know your you run them for milk but you forgot right and you only have one item in your your press and nobody knows how much the milk and the cashier says very you know how much it is and you answer doesn't look like at work here. You know it out of your mouth out with Gabriela Ben-Ami about being kind things for joining. I mean, you Will and this is that you will live every Saturday at 1 PM Eastern on the radio at the Q or uncut is that you.com. We also like streaming on Facebook search for God is secure and you can send us a question by clicking on the send message we sometimes feel like we can very that we can't be like he wants to be. We try to convince God. This even ourselves or our loved. That's when I recognize I am a bad liar. We are free to go once we release ourselves from believing the enemy's life and once we are aware of this we can gain strength to prayer and control it. Some songs have messages that have different meanings filling this song down the sink of imagine dragons for his girlfriend, a precious gesture of humility. And that's how he won her heart. We are continuing a conversation with Gabriela Ben-Ami about the power of kindness.

Be kind and merciful. Let no one ever come to you without coming away better and happier living expression of God's kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting Mother Teresa Will most of us recognize the values of kindness, but putting it into action is another matter. Can you give us some practical advice on how to establish kindness as habit in her life at the biggest hindrance but I think you have done one you already mentioned the phone we have are no literally in the phone are ahead or always been down we bump into people on that are not paying attention to the world around put those phones away when you're walking in your about in public because you could never be to help anyone, let alone becoming if you have your nose in your file. That's the biggest in the way and start looking at the world because if you look at the world you will see the need and you will be able to act upon it immediately. Whether it's like you just said mile and a handshake. Simple interaction like are you okay making sure that if you're in Starbucks that you actually mentioned the name of the breast by your heard they all wear name badges so nice to be recognized to be noted, you know, not just one, yet one we pretend we are always were not really sweet weekend. Honestly have five entire minute that come out of her day at different intervals by the minute to where we can be kind noted another third came out. Watch your delivery focuses on respectful communication and the importance of watching our delivery. What is the main problem that hinders polite communication will we think it is our word and I would agree that we have to course of our work, but it home and body language that we use with that ends up tricking people into into a reactive date again.

We forget that, for example, LG 50 easy example in and work in the big companies to people just half and the public to say hi hi how are you this morning but nobody listens to the end.

Why can't we do that and just talk for each other because by looking, we would actually see that the other person is not fine, even though the word study. I'm fine children like for example look at the person when they're speaking to you how many times do we see somebody speaking to someone to answering them.

Looking at the paper or looking at their phone Internet.

Even looking at you will speak to you what happened. How can we revive human decency. One needs to change in a personal level and in a societal level. When this is so, so okay you you Mindy for 13 ringback etiquette fee, which is really opening before all that good stuff that we learned from our parents paid 305 right hand facing you all that would be really nice if he thought again because once we have the ability kindness is just one yawn that because in this divinity. You are what I call nice person in the kindness you pick that Really act beyond and you act upon it.

Nice person holds open the door might not help you with your grocery kind person not only holds open the door it actually feels that you're having very heavy packages and help you with right outcome is just a little bit different because the kind that level and I think if you bring that back in society on a regular basis. Everyone will and then when you can live by example and people all my gosh, then it has a ripple effect that is both everywhere right you know kindness is contagious. But what he believed to be the greatest hindrance to being kind. Biggest hindrance is that we think we have to be right and the other person is wrong, and though so important you rest not I was wrong, and have spread everyone opinion matter, but it is when you state your opinion. I think you and I love your draft but in that box is not necessary I die. Love your job, but I don't need to make it in the judgment. Just my opinion that I love your judgment by saying, but the color or whatever. I very we do not need bread or judgment everywhere an opinion if I judgment is criticizing. We do not need to criticize before we go with right and wrong and that's where we all get into a mess. You just turn on the TV knows that we are in the deep. And I know I rather not earn it as a bad thing in right, we are more important than the person was talking and the truth is, were not for the faint or what we have to say is more important than what they're telling us. And then we miss out on listening and learning. I love think you just set up because I was word of the word no.

We are divorce. This we you say something. For example, I went to her funeral really recently and when I say that someone what do they do interrupt and immediately say all when I was at a funeral line here but you know what you do is you basically shut off you back. Call Ray but this was the moment when you could've learned something vulnerable. Something beautiful about another human being. If you just can't wait. You just need to let people talk and once there for find out if anyone insured by, or if they just wanted you through it. They wanted for example, my, my girlfriend and she will talk about a relationship problem. I say I heard you, and I think I hear both sides in what you said would you like me to comment on it or did you just want to vent and need to get it off.

You don't why about the answer often just wanted to get it off there Looking for your department looking for you to give your soul down in the what.

I also say if you continue to interrupt everyone I give you beautiful. What if we talk you and I are the three of us. We talk about bullying and my childhood and all of a sudden I showed Ray and you by being kind put your hand on my shoulder or my arm, and you say it's okay that actually is not useful, and I will tell you why because we stop the flow of energy right there and feel it's okay, you can say I'm here for you help my hand when I do for you. I just don't say anything because during the choking. This is where the most healing, because that person is going to now go vulnerable and actually communicate something with you that it is so beautiful and you will learn something to not only got them but about yourself. That's what I and that about where that same young typo � communication runs out something God and you know but some of us are just so you think you were not so concerned about winning all the time will learn to be more humble love that I when we look at any talking to Gabrielle about me being kind have a picture. We would love to here from you back and thanks for joining me, this is the care you can listen to the gym every Saturday at 1 PM Eastern on your make you a you are in God's.com I can definitely relate relate to this song.

I was uptight. The quick use the big dreaming that letting the past behind didn't always I didn't always listen I was lightning I get limited to thunder. This song is uplifting when encouragement is low and I can we're joined by Gabriela Ben Ray talking about having to be kind, Gabriela had a question for you that I didn't get to ask earlier and if it's really good stuff. Okay, in 2012 UB can a campaign that led to the start up there to be kind movement tell us how that all came about. Okay, that came about time as I created ball though for me that I needed broken in your grandma love that because were Puritan. I need a slogan against everyone into action, and so I began a campaign that says there can be kind campaign blame is not the cure action and I persevered and that people said but it's actually a movement towards redoing the truth you that that's how I change there to be kind movement, but the truth is the entire there can be kind movement on the ball have all been born out of necessity, being what is going on in the world and saying him to do something about it. I want to bring more awareness.

I want you to be make sure that people understand what you can do your own two-mile radio and you know that's really how it all started. Yes, typically more people to be on Jesus to my guys. Gabriela got me a little thing about the fourth puppy working on right now. What's the main take away all young people to get after reading all of the fourth book. It couldn't be called kind Detroit and it is about my nine years on the road and all the conversations I've had and what I teach on page for people that don't get your about me, the distinction be nice and kind. For example, it is the hindrances. It is what you can do and how kindness is not just one little thing and how one story of kindness can have a ripple effect on 50 other people doing exactly the same thing and I definitely have us take away that would be your voice matters. One voice can make all the what can be produced to join the kind movement to be part of.

Okay, so we are were always looking for kindness instigator and so as to kindness instigator from God and go there to be kind to agitator and that kind of person now. Okay, so what I'm calling to be kind, all in one word, letter on social media, it will find me everywhere with five to and then is it 12. They can come on board on the Facebook pages that we have we have at their movement. We have the kind of expert faith.

Faith were on Instagram, Twitter, were literally everywhere and there is very easy to join the movement can be from what you do at home just being kind to others and spreading it and I share personal stories when I worked at Hooters, but some girls wanted me and I was in the car with my friend Jennifer, my little girl was 93.

She was in the backseat and Jennifer you know that out. Got a car and said you can't eat mother with her child, and it was like four of those girls anyhow it was such a kind gesture. They respected her but as a result, we became friends.

We've been friends for 25 years so kindness can really go a long way. I agree wholeheartedly with we just have to learn if you before it goes out of hand, so that's what I hope all the kindness and skaters will do is learn the method of HGH to be able to diffuse it before it goes too far and I mean because I know that you not a lot alone. Gabrielle not and willing is very serious thing because we want our kids to be confident and feel loved and feel like they belong and we want them to realize even with my little girl. She gets disappointed by some the things her friends may say, and I thought her I thought her baby. Sometimes kids don't really mean a just talking and thought her dumpy attention to it.

Don't get don't get disappointed. The medics had just been nice just be nice and return it very hard for somebody to continue being mean to you if you don't react in a bad way if you react nicely eventually not so much fun to be mean to someone who's been nice.

Ray actually actually in impossibility and there's one thing we we often don't. But this is really true. Like the other day I was talking to someone and we were talking with all these things and you can go with low meeting. Your brain has all these RP postings and fires up the good and the positivity in the kindness we were talking about and then someone came in and had like a real negative word is really interesting that I watched my entire being my right shoulders slumped.

Everything went down instead of up.

So I want to save for your listeners out there.

When we talk about negative try to make it always really short because we affect our brain really affect Inc. afterward. So even when you share her story with another person trying to make uplifting one, given something about the person displeasing to have a negative brain set when they you know how big go ahead.

This always sees places and see people eating your whole story and in the sea, yes I I agree with you I used to never tell anybody anything that was going on because you want to dampen the mood so I totally agree with you for whatever a question from social media. Georgian is asking okay what is I'm surrounded in body influence over time, people are constantly angry, but I'm no thoughts way I'm wearing this time to leave.

I guess it's fun. No friends yet, so I can tell you, God, I very might family my direct family negative.

My adopted family leave.

When you feel that your drag. If you are capable of keeping your feet personality in that negativity. Kudos. Absolutely. I found that I couldn't do it really couldn't after so many years. I couldn't and even an evening.

I do it rarely, and as possible because truly it drags you down and I want to be around people that are in top that have good stories to tell and that are uplifting because that really the kind of life I want to go that really depend said I understand that you love them dearly and for that that's a dilemma for you.

Yes, because it could be a family stuck there. And yet, your family can be very negative and blinking happen within families.

Even within big family even more. If there's a black sheep in the family and then and that's when it's that's what it's really hard because at that point he cannot leave and you have to somehow find peace within yourself. But I think you can always and being a blind old enough I II have added you that I was black sheep of my family without me. It wouldn't have had so much fun you know that now that I took myself out of bed.

They need to find another black eye. Look at no one like you and I do believe that if I felt out of it. I think he did get thing here were always you know I I looked at your Facebook page 2 and like to me.

Deanna wanted say something because you have beautiful drawing of a woman which you looking at sunset and the right.

Yes, and I wanted to say something to you and your listeners for that often. I and my talk with this quote. Maybe just really resonate you a name for the wave that knocks you down is also the wave that lists up the word FedEx. That gets you down. Whether it whatever it is that experience itself is also what when the wages down. Also as backupis because is the movement of the wave, Solomon is a and enjoyable endeavor that there is enough time in a radio show with you. You've been wonderful.

Thank you so much For being without my friend and I admire your journey, by the way. For more information on Gabrielle Takata secure, and your guests neck pain. Father, we are so grateful for your for the rope holders who helped pull this the pull it out of despair and situations, but those who have given us in on the message intercede in our prayer not to have given of their time and expertise to help us in our dilemma. We too want to be able to offer a word of encouragement listening ear and extend tender compassion and mercy to one in need. Help us to be extended to those in need. We pray, amen. This is a new capital. Yet, in this picture. Thank you for being with us until next week. Much