Devotional Humor

On today's devotional humeral different than classic cargo, humor, and these are the devotions I do every week at assisted living and for years I have brought the joke.

So here we go.

First one is called collar*crazy dog is been barking way too much lately and I'm not a fan of electronic zapping collars. I was at my wits end. So I purchased one of those so-called humane citronella colors.

It is designed so that when the dog barks it would shoot out a blast of citronella under his nose. This morning I was getting the color ready and filled it with the stuff and that's where the morning should've ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to how said collar works. I'm standing on my porch barking up the collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on.

Recheck the fill level and go through the same startled checklist more time again I barking nothing happens. Not sure why I had this next thought, but I did not put on the collar.

I extended the ban to fit the grout box against my throat and barked. Apparently the collar only works if it feels vibrations because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face. I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue discordant bulges all over and over in my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees gasping for air and to make matters worse, our dogs are now nonstop barking. So between coughing and yelling at the dogs to stop. I've emptied over a dozen blast of Mike's citronella in the my face during this ruckus. I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar which is somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco I finally get the collar off and through that crazy inhumane devilish contraption across the yard as I'm laying on the porch totally out of breath, trying to suck in the cool morning air. I'm thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've ever done in a while. Then I hear laughter. My neighbor has witnessed the whole thing. He was belly laughing and in between gas.

He tells me I was going to come over and help every time I started toward your house you sent it off again and then I would start laughing so I couldn't walk so here I am, not only my eyes are red but my face and ears are to I came inside to take a shower so I would be smelling like old the Tiki torch thinking over the lessons I learned number one don't test dog collars on oneself.

Number two. My neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedic crisis situation. The number three I will never debug problems for a few days so here's a few random Robbie thoughts I can't stand people who look down on people who look down on people if you wanted people to eat something. What you call it succotash my spouse says I have two faults.

I don't listen. And there's something else will you give someone who has everything white antibiotics. So here we have a call, this one couching a man called his neighbor, trying to help move accounts it was stuck in the doorway. They got on either end of the couch and struggling until they were exhausted but the couch wouldn't budge. Forget it. The man from a gas will never get this in a frustrated voice came on the other end of the couch in you mean outgoing chief. That's one of freedom. This young child asked the woman how old she was. She answered 39 and holding the child thought for a moment and said and how old would you be if you let go, pulling a leg and out of town and drove his car into a ditch and a desolated area likely local farmer came to help with his big, strong horse named Buddy. He hit somebody up the car and yelled, pulled out a pole, but he didn't move and the follower.

Then the farmer hollered, pulled Buster pulled but he didn't respond one more time. The farmer commanded Paul Jenny told nothing. Well, in the farmer nonchalantly said pull buddy pole and the horse easily drag the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times the farmer said oh but is blind if he thought it was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try. What do you get when two giraffes collide a geographic Jan so you may wonder what size soap does a judge use well you guessed it, trial size, since what is known as Tom Jones syndrome so dark I can't stop singing what's new pussycat doctors as well, that sounds like Tom Jones syndrome patients that is that common. Well said the doctor is not unusual for some toy disclaimers. You may be wondering about morning. This tab will disappear in six weeks.

Caution care bears don't actually care very much. Number three.

In case of breakage scream until dad buys a replacement number four. Do not attempt to combine your ultra mega warrior with your cat to make all of to make an ultra mega Warrior, so, so I pull down the so-called I'll be doggone. I pulled down into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car window to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her, she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward pointing my finger the car and saying emphatically confess to complete.

Now you stay. Do you hear me stay. The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look, I don't know about you, lady. He said incredulously. I usually just put my car in park. I hope you enjoyed the's devotional humor stories.

So here's a list of things… Subject reforming his list of things that aquariums don't allow on the premises.

You've been with his big aquariums so yeah they won't let you have a rod and reel, no fishing nets tartar sauce that's none a deep fryer harpoon. My personal favorite on the list. Mrs. Paul seeks mental out of the aquarium a rowboat Machias shark cage tackle boxes or depth charges