Friendship and Communication, Part 2

Today on Summit life with Judy Greer helping him replace the centrality of friendship in your marriage, your love and commitment to your to not replace the priority or different to your spouse, but that usually what happens the center of the home is not parent child.

The center of the home as husband and wife on the back like. As always, I'm your host Molly, but were so glad you're back with us today. For a lot of us are views on love and relationships were shaped by songs we listen to growing up where the movies we watched as a team left the field in flowery words right, but the reality is there's only one relationship model, we should care about and it doesn't come from Hollywood today on Summit life. We're diving deep into what we are calling the friendship of marriage.

We know you don't want to miss a single message here on the program. So if your little behind on any of this Bible-based teaching on relationships. You can always catch up@jeanniegreer.com but for now grab your Bible text and let's join Pastor JD as he continues our study in Ephesians chapter 5 court marriages friendship for a prodigal porch right for your single, married, whatever state.

I think once one or several visual why do you want to prioritize friendship of the dating process.

If you are single what you most looking for a spouse is kind of a stereotype that men overvalue looks intimate and women overvalue earning potential. But neither of those things makes for endearing injury. Marriages beauty fades, you will lose your sexual appeal and your physical beauty over time, earning potential may or may not turn out. And even if you do get those things. Neither makes for a really fulfilling relationship or marriage is not primarily romance by slowly friendship is primarily friendship between the consonant spikes will little romance you single people in the good old in the business for a minute I read your singles walk into a room and you immediately write off 80% of the people that are in that room immediately as potential marriage partners as you don't like the shape of their jaw or you want to see my little bit more dark skin, or they abated everywhere part in their hair or they have the wrong style here what I want an athlete in college or they were relaxed fit instead of fitted jeans you know not about stuff I'm telling you, really makes for a happy during marriage.

Listen, this is a great Christian counselor Gary Thomas in 1967 study of college-age women found that 76% of women said they would marry someone marry a man if he had every trade they were looking for, even if they didn't feel romantic love toward them, in more recent research, 91% of women said absolutely not. That is a huge shift that you get that 9057 70 467 women, so that when Mary got all the traits erodible in the bed and feel the chemistry romantic love and tingly feeling when I look at right and the other 24% were Woodstock okay so that's all that now you shall foretold 91% of gross, absolutely not.

When you consider it. I got a twilight feeling when I look at it. People have been pursuing such pairings based on infatuation for several generations now and I'm asking you to be astute and honest observer how's that working out for us.

I've rarely had a wife complained to me about her husband's looks when wives come to me it's almost always about character issues, we should do this thing you should do that thing buddy Doug, how do I fix this yet most women are not seeking men of character. First, they are seeking men with whom they feel in love Kathy why most marriages are so bad people of God through the infatuation stage another board because they got the idea from books, or TV or country music.

But if you just find the person with whom you had that perfect chemistry. If the infatuation was strong enough, it would last forever.

It does, it never does.

But I'm telling you, if you will press through the death of that infatuation, you will find that there is a level of thrilled there is a level of romance and intimacy and connection that comes when it's built on friendship that is beyond anything you ever experienced that infatuation with you been around for me Telstra when I first saw Veronica for summer went out with the class. Next day I wrote I was in got x-rays at him. It was a friend. You have been out here is what you think about Joe Reese is out on new book and ripped out a sheet of 8.5 x 11 paper and I just write just about everything. Why did I come up with. Describe what 60 some different adjectives only one or 202 or three of them were for about her physically. Everything else was about.

We had a common and how much would a good time we had a show that I cannot notebook following the notebook forgot about it, two, three, four years later about to get married unless the owner so that the notebook find it, pull sheet of paper out had it framed put it up in our house. All these adjectives that describe the connection. I first felt her so that whenever she's like why you love me.

Unlike right there in the wall, so that was what first was what first kindled that relationship. I will admit to you that for many years and are in our marriage get away from that and it's been fairly recently and I will be like last week on me like the last two or three years that we have rediscovered the beauty of that friendship and I will tell you now, this is not preacher talk is not what I supposed to say our marriage is more thrilling and more intimate and more sweet now than it was the day after we got married because we press through the death of that infatuation and we dug down into more recently the friendship and the intimacy that comes out of friendship is 10 times greater than anything you ever touch with infatuation son telling you got to prioritize that couple really prodigal things for you if your single on this first offer single don't marry a non-Christian does your never to be able to just share the deepest unity with that person.

If your Christian walk through God the deepest part of you is the part that knows God.

So Mary non-Christian because that means the deepest part of you.

You never get out friendship with them in now so you're like well I'm married to a non-Christian now that's okay you can still make it, and God has purposes for you and your marriage the way that it is. But yes, unfortunately, you're never going to be able to share the same kind of unity you could share if they love them were committed to Jesus like you were. That doesn't mean that you should leave them because first grade in seven tells you devil, you should not. It just means that God has different purposes for you in the marriage but you should pray for them that one day they will discover the deepest passion that you have because that's where the best friendship can be found here is one of the work for you single people on this beware the intoxication of physical contact and dating. There are a lot of reasons that make heavy physical contact before you get married a problem but let me give you one that's often overlooked, it will totally cloud your judgment in being able to see whether not this person can be the kind of friend that guess what you got to be evaluating her in the dating process and if you got it all.

If you're all strung out on the dope of infatuation your never to be able to make a good value judgment. This is also by the way what you got to listen to your friends so me right now you're in a relationship and your friends like this is a bad idea and you. I know it's not that you're all strung out on infatuation.

The problem is that drugs are where all and what your friends are seeing is probably right in accurate God gave you your friends in order to help you see that people sit in office and I got to ask what how did you get the situation. All crystal.

He was a bad idea like they were right. What that you listen to because I was in love you why you got here about being God not prayed about it.give you something more reliable in this case and prayers. The wise counsel of your friends to their all doped up on infatuation like you were physical contact is nothing but infuse that drug into you so that you lose all judgment to listen. You should marry somebody with whom sex is the crowning jewel, not the centerpiece. Sex should be only like the frosting on the cupcake and the only way you will be able to judge. That is, by keeping that drug out of the dating process right and I know that Texel you off to see you looking at me I'm right okay I'm 10 years now you tell me I'm right, you save yourself a lot of pain if you just look at what the Bible is prioritizing and learn to think about love and romance. The way the goddess is number two.

Prioritize friendship in the marriage prioritize friendship before the marriage prioritize friendship in the marriage. Nothing can replace the centrality of friendship in your marriage if you don't prioritize the friendship. Listen to me, the relationship will slowly die. Your career cannot replace the priority of your friendship, your spouse, your love and commitment to your kids cannot replace the priority of your friendship with your spouse, but that's usually what happens the center of the home is not parent and child. The center of the home as husband and wife. If I got love. Ephesians 6464 basically says raise up your kids, you know what that means. That means, don't you basically need to get rid of them.

I'm technically the Lord is rear your first year for a child that I love that image rear and I get behind my kids and I to start pushing my dad out, get out and I want to the world because the goal is to make them independent of me. God did not put a parent, child, in the garden. He put a husband and wife in order for my home to be solid. My relationship with my wife has to be strong. The greatest gift I could ever give to my kids is to prioritize my friendship with my wife even over them married people listen to me. You have got to prioritize friendship and marriage. Above all things. Marriage has an on parallel power over your life you have tied your self emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, you have tied yourself to another person become one body, whether because marriage has an unparalleled power in your life. It should have an unparalleled priority as well and I got think about like concentric circles and animal circles mean God in the same circles. Me and my wife in the third circles me, my family, and the fourth circle is me in the church in the fifth Circle is mean everybody else and here's what I found when the center circles are strong, I can handle disruption in the outer circles but when the center circles are crumbling. The slightest disturbance in the outer ones sends me into a tailspin how to handle just about anything. When I walk.

We got a straw in my rush of my wife is good so I'm to give priority to those relationships in that order because those things determine the quality of my life have heard it said that in marriage there are basically three kind of married relationships. There's the back to back where couples essentially turn their back on each other. Maybe they live separately. Maybe there in the same house with her just roommates back to back. It was set on a side to side. Listen to this.

That's where you work together on the house you work together with the kids you work together in business you were together build a home or serving the church whatever side-by-side with the third relationship and marriage face-to-face. This kind of relationship is one in which in addition to the side by side work. You get a lot of face time drawing each other out in conversation, friendship and intimacy.

It's the second side-by-side, but it's been matched the conversation friendship and intimacy so that you are also faced with pastor Jeannie here, in many ways, our relationships with others are windows into our relationship with God and we can only truly love others well by saturating ourselves in the truth that he first so our newest resource is focused on helping you and those you are in relationship with actually talk about deep and meaningful things we have conversation cards which are simply cards with one question or prompt on them to pull out while you're eating dinner for on a long car ride it will help break the ice on difficult topics or simply get a launching deeper communication resource. This might also include the 15 devotionals about many of the topics covered in the cards that will send our thanks for your gifts in ministry right now. Give us a call 339-5220 or checking out Jeannie Greer.com. Now let's get back to teaching many of you that are married desperately need to work on number you know how you start doing that. Listen through simple communication about what I said earlier, my wife and I did this marriage that he wants a more the assignments was just what I told every day, come home and tell your spouse something that happened you today and how you felt about its not members going tell you women do this a lot more naturally than we do. They engage each other about their feelings. My wife and while some woman and she will sit down over a cup of coffee and stare at her for four hours and just tell her about her feelings right. The idea of doing that with what you guys make me want to throw up. Okay, I just don't ever want to do that and messes were different when I get that I'm on your side on that okay so that's like giving you a very simple exercise both of you when you get home in the evenings. One statement to your spouse about something that happened that day and how you felt about it since I here's started to be reshot around my will phone you have Evernote and I will Veronica card and I just when something makes me mad or sad or happy throughout the day.

I just jotted down. So when I get home.

I haven't forgot about it and I sit down and I say my list of you take as many happy to sad and angry all the thing. Others go through with Sheila she loves what up a lot of those you know you list for me about you the list. I will blind copy her on a lot of emails have nothing to do with her because she likes to know what's going on social get a glimpse of what I'm doing. That damage done more to develop and foster that friendship.

Now some of you like well I can see now that I made a mistake I didn't prioritize friendship in the dating process. I was infatuated with his looks or looks is earning potential. Now my spouse is not my friend thought I do. First of all you got a lot more in common than you probably realize you sure home there some reason you fellows to begin with, you probably share kids if you're Christians you share your greatest passion leaving because you feel mismatched is never a biblical option you should have to work at whatever friendship you can even up to trust God and what you probably can find is that the results are better than you expected because I'm telling you the power of God's grace. When you obey him and trust him is amazing.

You start obeying God this area and you'll find the results are probably far beyond what you ever dreamed or imagine. We did drivel require the real short three marriage is not the only place to experience friendship and marriage. You become one body. Paul says what's the other institution in the New Testament is called one body, the church, you think that's incidental not hardly. The church is the place that God intended for us to experience cross gender friendship. You see when God created Adam and Eve degrade male and female. What this report what he did as he deposited different ones of his attributes into the different genders so that they would have a longing to be reunited.

That's what that's what Adam was feeling.

I want to be reunited to the other gender because there is something in the gender that corresponds but it's different than what is in me married people experience that in marriage, but if you are single you long for that to even if your content being single, you still long to be completed by the attributes that God put in the other gender, and God intended for you to experience a measure of that in the church. Now there are limits, of course, married people fuse together and friendship in ways that singles in the church cannot obviously but the church is a place where you get another taste of that coming kingdom of which marriage is just a sign Christ relationship to his people.

The church is the father to the fatherless because the church is you the God of the real father. The church is the ultimate family, the church, I want to say surrogate family. The church is the real family for those that are without one. In this age, that's what we say.

The church is the community of friends.

So marriage is not the only place which ministers and for in light of that, you should beware the marriage counterfeits. If marriage is ultimate total complete fusion of friendship, which is what it is that what listen.

People sometimes don't understand why sex outside of marriage is wrong is not hurt anybody were to adult make a decision when I don't get it.

Why is God against this. You actually catch a glimpse of it right here because sex is the ultimate fusion. Should God listen designed a vulnerability in sex that would only be safe, at least in this life with an absolute exclusive lifelong covenant sex within marriage.

Some of you know this by experience sex within marriage can tear you apart. Certainly outside of marriage.

It tears you apart. Sex is like if I could glue that solidifies this total union of two people is the two genders got having deposited different attributes in different genders is the two coming together as an act of oneness to different beings different genders becoming one in the midst of a lifelong exclusive covenant sex apart from Matt's is not fully human, physically or become and want you not one with your future. You not want to miss lifelong covenant so you got physical unity without the rest of the other unity its body without soul is Lockhart zombie sex essentially sex outside of marriage is bought is a zombie. Sex was obvious, but it also writes what you're doing is you're having physical unity without the rest of the unity homosexual sex is an attempted physical unity between two genders that are the same to Alister McIntyre is a philosopher verbal quote after virtue. So if you know sums wrong.

You got a look at the purpose for which it was designed is if I can want to hammer a nail with my watch my side there's a new technology like bang on the nail and watch breaks. I don't look at my watch is a bad watch, nice, it wasn't designed for that. So in order to know whether or not an action drywall you look at the purpose for which it was designed. God designed sex so that it would be the completion of the two genders that he put different attributes and coming together in a lifelong covenant where they were learning to love the other that you made opposite from them. Homosexual sex is to the same type the same gender coming together.

That's why he says is sinful, but it is not according to the design is because God's not in the variety just like these other examples of the counterfeit for the real thing that doesn't serve the full extent of the purposes he asked for sex to be where the substitutes in one more little when you marry people. Beware of trying to have close friends of the opposite sex were not your spouse. And I know about the get all up, but I did is I got your field, and I can feel emails right now be taught got in your head. Okay so go ahead, say five positive things first and then let me have it right would say when you get married you should not have a lot of friends of the opposite sex.

I'm friendly with a lot of people who are not my wife that are girls. I'm five. Use them friends with a lot of them when I got married that became a close friend because the just way the God designed us there something about intimate friendship that I heard about a conference on who's getting married and his best man was a girl who he said was his best friend. My question is aren't you marrying her peers as a sex object to you. That's all she is this right here is going to be married and that your best friends there. Some of you men that are closer to some woman at your work you share more with her emotionally than you do, your spouse, there are some of you who on Facebook have a closer title more friendly relationship than you did you spend.

See why it's easy to do that because they want to be with all the other junk you get to choose what part you will become action one body with them emotional adultery. Listen to this emotional adultery was almost always leads actual adultery emotional adultery is being better friends with somebody the opposite sex of you are with your spouse and you gotta be aware that because I'm telling you that is just mean it is not casual beware the marriage substitutes friendship is one of the most crucial but most overlooked dimensions of marriage and I've given you a lot here, but I'm hoping noticed you on have given you an activity again come home each day this week with one thing and how you felt about it was something to chew emotionally, then write it down about awake and not about them. This method different conversation for a later time you did many mad matters what you do in any matter that's later okay this is things that you just experience that made you get just open yourself up. I hope you realize of the pattern and power for all of this is Jesus. That's more than just a cliché. See Jesus as the source of love is the source of friendship. He is the best of all friends because not only did he become one body with you and feel your pain. He actually took your pain into his body and died on the cross for and put it away in a way that you learn to love somebody else will be loved by him has always called the love triangle Jesus of the top you and your spouse or the person you love over here and I'm telling you is the closer you get to Jesus, the more you will find you love each other. The closer you get to each other is think of it like move it up the legs of the triangle as you get closer to Jesus you get close to the source and you begin to love your spouse love that boyfriend or girlfriend. The way that you have been loved and as you grow in your awareness of his love for you.

It just comes out naturally see the reason that some of your marriages are so bad is disconnected from the source of love. Your disconnected from God. The foundation is not there. The root has been severed. So that's why the that the plan of your marriage is not what you need to do is to be reconnected to God name being reconnected to God to the gospel will do more for your marriage and family than 100 sermons or seminars on their connect with God.

So let me encourage you to learn more about what it means to be a follower of Christ, we have lots of resources to get you started and help you grow. Just visit JD Greer.com you're listening to Summit life with pastor, author and theologian JD Greer because of your partnership that others around the country and even the world can hear God's truth every day.

So when you get a financial gift of $35 or more. We'll say thanks by sending you our brand-new 15 day resource called devotions for the distracted family mentioned earlier and also comes with a set of 20 conversation cards. Our goal is to keep you and those are closest with talking and communicating about important like faith relationships and even rats.

We all live in a distracted world. So we want to set you up for success facilitating deeper conversations that build stronger friendships we've created. These devotionals provide encouragement for anyone who feels distracted and connected at time in the conversation cards can help kickstart a meaningful conversation they had a single question, your family and friends talking around the dinner table. Request these resources today 33 520-635-5228 online Greer.com I'm only benefits. Tomorrow we will have friendship, conflict now join us tomorrow night