Friendship and Communication

Today on Summit life with Judy Greer. The deeper the shared interest, the greater the friendship for a Christian the deepest passion is seeing Jesus growing use of be like Jesus.

Christian marriage is supposed to be a comrade in your greatest passion and a companion for your greatest journey. I'm your host Molly. That's you, most couples why they got married we say something about being in love and making each other happy for their being really open. They might even say something about physical attraction and of course there's nothing wrong with any of those things, but today on Summit life. Pastor Jenny reveals one of the most forgotten and important elements of marriage, your ready to grow you come to the right place. If you've missed any of the messages in this teaching series so far. Or if you'd like to get your copy of devotions for the distracted family, please visit us@your.com or by calling 866-3352 20 right now. Let's get started. Pastor Jenny titled this message. Friendship and communication to ask every significant relation. Your wife one questions. Remember what that one question was should what was it, how could I serve you.

That's right, we are on week three of our series on relationship so serious is his first love, but each week we been doing is coming out of the classic biblical passage on romance and relationships. Ephesians 5 verses 21 through 32 so I would again invite you if you have a Bible turn to that passage because I must show you a number things through there that are going to develop the idea that will go chase after today I want to start off today by telling you about one of the most important marriages in history, though it is probably one that you've never heard of it is the marriage of Martin Luther to Catherine von Bora Martin Luther. I guess you don't know this was famous for starting the Protestant Reformation in the core. The Protestant Reformation was that it was the Bible not the teachings of the church that were the authority for life. One of the areas that Luther took issue with was the teaching of the church at the time that all clergy should be celibate that he said that is nowhere in the Bible and he was of course correct which I'm grateful for. He wrote a book called on monastic vowels in which he proved that for celibacy on priests was an invention of man and that it wasn't in the Bible and he ended that book by encouraging monks and nuns everywhere to throw off their vowels and get married for the glory of God. What it was a group of nuns that read his book in one particular convent. They found his reasoning to be compelling, and so they threw off their vowels, but the Roman Catholic Church of the time would not let them do that and they wouldn't let them leave the content so Luther helped arrange this big heist. 12 women were smuggled out of that convent and 12 empty fish barrels will be felt husband for all 12 of these ex-nuns, except for one Catherine von Bora, who turned out to be pretty tough.

It seems to find a husband for because she was, according to all accounts she was brash she was proud she was loud and she was generally unattractive is what what the literature says. Eventually she came up to Luther and she said essentially you got me into this mess. You owe me a husband. If you don't find me one thing you are going to have to marry me, Luther, who was 40 years old at the time and still a virgin content. By the way, in his singleness didn't want to marry her but she his words wore him down and thought they got married. This is all 100% through when asked later why he married her. Luther responded and I quote despite the devil despite the devil which has to be the least romantic reason for a wedding ever given in the history of mankind to the marriage did not exactly start off like a fairytale but they end up having one of the most incredible marriages in history we know most about their marriage through their letters they are awesome. They are truly hilarious. She was really smart and so was he. She was pretty fiery and she was quickwitted, but they were passionately in love, his favorite pet name for her was Lord Katie Katie other pet names included dear Reb, my Empress, my true love my sweetheart and the dear gift of God. In Luther's earlier writings on marriage.

If you ever get a hold of those you'll notice that he treated marriage is primarily something functional, something that God gave us for the propagation of the human race, and something that we should enter into in order to stave off sexual temptation, but toward the end of his life he would call Katie von Bora quote the greatest earthly gift of grace that a man could ever have. She was more than his lover. She was his confidant. She was his truest companion and she was his best friend friendship is one of the most forgotten elements in marriage not know that many of you probably realize that your spouse is supposed to be your friend if you're single and you are looking for a mate. You probably realize that somewhere in the mix. Friendship ought to be a part of the discussion, but really you're honest, you see attraction and passion and romance as the core of the marriage, if anything, you see marriage as listen this primarily romance spice little friendship. What I want to try to show you today is that biblically speaking, marriage is friendship, spiced with a little romance if you want to marriage to be both endearing and enduring then friendship house to be the core basis of it and that should affect both how you operate before the marriage as you seek a marriage partner and it has ramifications for how you operate. After you are married one respected sociologist says it this way, the determining factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the sex romance and passion in their marriage is by 70%. The quality of the couples friendship for men. The determining factor in all the same things is by 70%. The quality of the couples friendship so men and women come from the same planet. After all, Proverbs 217 because your spouse, your aloof, aloof, which is a very unique Hebrew word which lexicons translate as special confidant, her best friend in the great biblical book of romance, song of Solomon. The bride says of her groom. You are my lover and you are my aloof, my best friend that is at the core of what Paul says in Ephesians 5, the middle part versus 25 to 28 show you this is not a see the word friendship in there but I'm explaining that the concept that's at work in these verses and when you get this principle, it has implications for you after you get married when you're seeking to get married or even if you're somebody who's going to be single for most of your life for all of your life. It has ramifications for how you think about your singleness. Ephesians 525 listen.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Now getting a new sort friendship in their many red eggnog what it here friendship friendship anywhere in their but when you think about it.

There are a couple of things in that passage that teach you that marriage is essentially friendship. Let me let me unpack that for you. First of all uses the analogy of the body. That's what pervades this whole passage that is a fascinating analogy. In one sense we can think of our body is separate from us how to make my body is separate from me of my bodies lying there dead, but I'm thinking up negative you think of me is separate from it. But in another sense. You don't think of me as separate for my body. I'm one with my body.

My wife is in one sense separate from me that she is also very profound sense, one with me. We have fused our entire lives together, our homes, our futures, most of life, especially the things we care most about. We are going to experience together. We are two separate beings that had united into one body throughout this passage Paul is going to refer back to the Genesis account managers and woman's creation in your Bible you will go to verse 31 you see explains in marriage, a man is elitist, father, mother, and cleave to literally become one with his wife. That's the essence of marriage, becoming one, that when Adam saw Eve in the garden. He said this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh scholar say that that that that the nuance is what he saying is this is a piece of my soul that has been missing. This is like a part of my bones and part of my flesh that I'm seeing there in front of me to even see the woman for the first time and said, oh, what a hot babe way to get my hands on that right what he said is that's actually a part of me that's a part of my soul with the part of my body like I'm seeing something that I've been missing for friend is a friend is someone who feels and shares your deepest interest in passions as you feel like you been cut from the same cloth. I would sleep through the second thing you see in this passage a progression toward a common cause that's what friendship is its progression toward a common cause in this case the common causes Christ likeness. First John 32 dear friends, we know that when Christ appears we will be like him, for we shall see him as he is all who have this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure. This is our greatest passion, my wife and I's greatest passion is to know Jesus to grow in Jesus. To love Jesus to see Jesus. One day, and to prepare ourselves for that day and she and I are assigned to one another to help one another along this greatest of all passions and and journeys.

What makes a friendship great is a sense of unity around the common cause. Think of how many epic movies that we love have that is like out of the core basis of it, Lord of the rings you. There's a group of people into elves and dwarves and things that have nothing in common but they're brought together in unity around the pursuit of common cause band of brothers Ocean's Eleven they'll have the same theme. A group of people brought together around a common cause.

CS Lewis says there's there's one kind of love Greek word eros reported Roddick's of this comes from two people who are absorbed in each other face the base with each other. He said there's another kind of love in Greek. That is store. Hey, or for Leo which is where two people are not face-to-face with side-by-side absorbed by some common interest that he says is friendship to people that are side-by-side with their friends because their focus on one thing that they both love now, friendship or common cause can be found a lot of things if somebody else and I share a common law for a sports team. We feel kind of friendship about it always amazes me when you going to Cameron indoor Stadium.

Are you going to the Dean Smith Center which you can find his unified a group of people that are together they may hate each other outside of that context. But then that moment there there united in this profound sense of unity by common cause.

If you and I share a love for a hobby were like that we share a lot of the same band for the say the same author. We find friendship around our love of that thing. But the deeper the shared interest, the greater the friendship for a Christian the deepest passion is seeing Jesus growing in Jesus being like Jesus. Christian marriage is supposed to be a comrade in your greatest passion and a companion for your greatest journey. Tim Keller says in Christianity to fall in love is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person that God is creating an essay I see who God is making you and it excites me. I want to be a part of that. I want to partner with you and God. In the journey that you're taking to his throat, and when we get there on the look at your magnificence and I'm going to say I always know I always knew that you could be like this.

I had glimpses of it on earth now now look at you. Your hope is that one day you and your spouse are to stand before the throne of God and you're going to hear well done good and faithful servants over the years you lifted each other up you sacrifice for each other. You wash one another's feet. You confront the beach other and pray for each other. You love each other and hugged each other and you continually pushed each other toward me, and now look at you, look at you.

Your radiant is your commitment to your spouse's holiness that keeps the marriage going because it is friendship on the deepest level around the deepest passion and the greatest of all journeys. So even when you get tired of your spouse or irritated and you want a new one. You realize the new spouse that I really want is them in their glorified state Senate 913 will return for the conclusion of today's teaching and just a moment to remind you about our featured resource.

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Now let's finish up today's teaching Julissa stop here and him for a minute, which is ask this question it. Marriage is friendship. What makes for friendship before dimensions of friendship that come out of the analogy of the body.

Yet a job is down ABC in the a common cause you don't share common cause around the deepest things, the friendship will never really last because you get bored with each other being into each other can only last for so long and only take you so far. That is B constancy, constancy, a friend or somebody you know will never leave because there is committed to you as they are themselves because like you become a part of their body brother 1717 a friend loves at all times, and a brother is made for adversity. A friend of her to say to someone who walks in when everybody else walks out the person who should most trust your constancy is your spouse. They should know that while you get upset at them and while there is conflict, you're not going anywhere because you're the one who believes the best about them. You're the one who gives them the benefit of the doubt in your never going to walk away because here's the thing.

Somebody is never going to let you in until they know that you're not going to reject them to walk away from them humiliate them or expose their weaknesses, which is why it tears me up when I hear other spouses tearing their spouse down whether spouse present or not, because I know that there spouse that there tearing down is never going to open up to them how good day they would feel safe. My body generally speaking, knows that it's safe with me right, I might be unhappy with some part of my body, but nobody knows we can trust JD and think about trimming your fingernails right.

That's something I don't want anybody else doing immunity paraprofessional everyone so I don't but maybe you somebody to bite but I don't want you doing I want you with a knife around that part of my body right because of the debts of the sensitive part of my body lets JD do it because my body knows that if he feels pain JD's gonna feel pain JD's saga let that happen.

But even if JD does cause pain to the body is for the body's good because the body knows that JD's presence with it is constant that's what you got in a friendship as you got a constancy refill like your one flesh.

And so you heard I heard drama going anywhere because I've united myself to you and we become one that is C transparency.

Transparency in order to have a friendship got open yourself up you share what's going on emotionally companion who is like your own body has to see what's really going on. Some of you men are a close book to your spouse and that's why she's not your friend because her company friends with your close book to her. Some of you men I've got one simple activity you last week. One simple question was applied to one activity for you this week that what I'm told it's very simple it's so simple, but it can really transform your marriage come home every day this week. This and tell your spouse one thing men tell your wife one thing that happened to you that day, and here's a key part how you felt about it.

That's a key part number. So what happened this would happen and this is how I felt about it right is any happiness when he said this made me mad. I don't talk about her in the state is what you didn't have meds that but just something to happen it may be a baby step, but I'm telling you it would be a huge one that would go a long way in uniting you to your wife and friendship that more on that in a minute. One were here by CS Lewis was with Eros will have naked bodies friendship store, a will have naked personalities, transparency, and allow them to call out your sin. Believe me, they already see it right and I made the mistake of Utah is my marriage be like a rocket. Tell me all the sin that I struggle with 3 1/2 hours later I still don't know but have had on him writing some down they already see fit with you. Given permission to speak into your life because that's what they're there for.

That's there they are to help point out the inconsistency in your life only tell you my natural tendency when anybody criticizes me in is not to listen right you cannot hear the service you may be right down front you start give me criticism. I can tell you what I'll be doing about Gloria when I find something the longer you there's a few verses I've had to memorize because this is so unnatural for me to hear criticism that God intends for me to hear a Proverbs 98 is one of my verses were proven wise man, and he will love you for its but fools despise wisdom and correction.

But here's a question for you Mary people when it comes to how you received correction from your spouse.

Which category do you go in fools and I write you a full that's what you are naturally made to pennies if I'm going to hear criticism the way God wants me to hear it could be because I make an intentional decision to be a wise man, so yeah that's painful, but I know that God put you here because he wants me to hear that.

I want to be wise, here's D trust of good intention. Trust a bit intentionally about the analogy of the body for minute cleaning the body is an intimate thing and you wouldn't want somebody else doing it.

Besides, you writing about. I would let someone brush my teeth scared that you poking about in my throat. I don't want you doing out you saving me in order for your spouse to let you clean their spiritual body they have to know that you have good intentions and that your not to go in there all polka and/or write. That's why some of you have lost all ability to be a friend to your spouse because the only way you speak to them as harshly and cruelly. Everything about I'm not gonna let you clean me physically I'm in what you shave me if you come at me with a knife like this you won't be back on what you know my face somewhere like that is driven to shave making out that you want to hear her say my faith, I get an urge you to be as gentle and careful as I would be if my spouse is going to clean me spiritually, which is what you saw.

Ephesians 5 she called to do and I called it with our I got to know that she's going to be as gentle and has all the good intentions for me that I would have myself a very simple thing here.

They can help you on this process with this with this principle for every one negative comment you make your spouse you should make probably about five positive words because that lets them know the intentions that you have for them.

This is a big mistake. Listen that fathers make the children bosses met with employees, teachers make the students wise with husbands and then in the hope that is, we tend to only notice and point out the weaknesses but see when somebody feels like you're down on them.

They will really listen to you, but when they know that you are there biggest fan. They will often take your criticisms mortal heart because they know that it come from somebody who cares you proven that by the way that you spoken blessing and belief in vision over their life in all relationships, especially marriage. We tend to assume the positives and notice the weaknesses.

What we should do is assume the weaknesses and notice the positives you married to Sarah. That should not be a big surprise. So instead of berating them constantly over their sinfulness. Assume that and speak blessing and empowerment over their lives is not somehow empower positive thinking job either. This is what Jesus does what Jesus did as he painted a picture of what you could be what it started in you and he held that vision up in front of you can insert all the discipline I'm giving you now is because I'm removing from you that things are that he's constantly speaking a word of faith toward a blessing of your life so that you fear you take the rebuke you take the protein because you see that he is guy to get you to where you know that you could being the same way that we we we grow one another up so I'm telling you very one negative thing you say to say about five positive things to the core of marriages, friendship and lighting.

Next time on the program. Pastor Jeannie Greer will make for very practical points that we can use to grow in this deepest of relationships. The systemic life with Jeannie Greer to hear today's program again or to download the free and edited message transcript is that Jeannie Greer.com and while you're there, you can also browse through previous studies where visit Pastor Jeannie's blog for the latest relevant articles. We love making these resources available free of charge so that everyone can dive deeper into the gospel at their own pace, but this mission is only possible because a friend like you who give generously to support this ministry as our way of saying thanks for your gift today will send you an exclusive new set of Senate life resources in many ways, our relationships with others are windows into our relationship with God and we can only love others well by saturating ourselves in the word of God. We'd love to get you a copy of our new resource today titled devotions for the distracting family along with a matching set of 20 conversation card and level of $35 or more by calling 863-3550 228-663-3552 20 or get any requests were sent online Jeannie here.com you're on the website can also sign up for our email to get ministry date information about circadian lot delivered straight to your inbox, sign it when you go to Jeannie here.com hi Molly benefits today concerning Tina and Karen send in my Jeannie