One Simple Question, Part 2

Today on Summit life with Judy Greer. Here's a definition of a surly taking initiative for the benefit of others. Also, the leader is one who takes initiative for the benefit of others. Spiritual headship man is not licensed to do what you want to do disempowerment to do what you want to do after diligent as always. I'm your host Molly bit of it. So glad you're back with us today. Okay let me ask you question what is every time you saw your spouse or your friends or your parents or boss, or an employee with a thought regarding then that you chose to act on it would radically change everything in the relationship. Today on Summit life.

Pastor Jenny reveals one simple transforming question that asked and obeyed, will transform every relationship. If you'd like to follow along with the transcript of each message you can find that free of charge@jamiegreer.com Pastor Jenny is teaching from Ephesians chapter 5 in our study, first let today we find out that one simple question got married one of his points of the future, you will love like him to be love by him to make us tangible for you through one simple transforming question. One question every time you saw your spouse or your friends or your parents or your boss or your employees.

If this one question, Bob, and hereby you answered it and you will baited would transform everything in your life and in that relationship.

You ready for support so profound. What Tim I do to serve you. What can I do to serve you very simple but what if every time you walk into a room thought of this question. When you obey the applications. What if that's what I thought and said to my wife when I got home from work.

What is my fault. When I came in just on Tybalt I do to serve her. What if that was her thoughts. When I got home. You know she's thinking she's thinking I'm around.

The four heathens all day and I'm about to lose my mind and you get out at the church with about your friends going out to lunch right and so it's about time for you to take care of these kids. Could you father them and they belong to you, so come doing it right you a little insight from the Greer house. My wife and I really struggle really throw this for so years in our marriage won't happen as I would always come home tired right and I bill I got in the lab work. I'm a little spray moment and then she be able to exit my little space and broke both of our garden be up and we did a little dance like okay how much it affects how much okay you got your territory and how we could do this and we learn to compromise and we learn to stake out our tips but our compromises were essentially me looking after my interest and they could seating some door interest that she would also look out for my when I needed them somewhere along the way. I don't quite remove where my brother, this way we know exactly where it came from but somewhere we learn this principle and I will admit to you that she learned first and she put it in practice. First, and she still better at it than I am. She began to think okay yes I'm very tired but when I got home and just one sliver relationship short sale.

How can I serve you. What it did to me.

It created that spirit in me for her. So now I'm coming home. The first thing I'm trying to think about is how can I serve you first think she's thinking about is how can I serve you and tell you it is transformed. Our entire relationship being in that kind of relationship where we submit ourselves to one another is so much better than defending and protecting our turf and our rights against one another man to ask this question of your wife.

What can I do to serve you would scare some of you to death because you are afraid of what she actually might say, aren't you, but I'm telling you this question is powerful and it unlocks the key to happiness for you and happiness in your marriage. Some of our wives are afraid to ask us to help them. They feel the resistance, the moment they even approach you. They get in the proximity when you can tell they're about to ask you for some kind of help in the moment their mouth (you watch you get resistant. I'm telling you this would transform your marriage. What if when you chose what you were going to do on your day off.

For example, where you were going to go on vacation or where you go out to eat. What is your first thought was, and you verbalize it. How can I serve you. What if you started ask this question romantically. When she made for me. What are her affection needs made maybe she needs a weekly date night. Maybe I don't feel like we need it but maybe I noted she wants to see me that maybe this is a way of serving our some of you men just started to serve your family by taking leadership in your family. Some of you men are completely disengaged from your family, the primary sin of man is that we are enthusiastic and taking initiative and things benefit ourselves, and we are lethargic and complacent when it comes to taking initiative for the benefit of somebody else in our family for many of you yourselves about your job, your zealous about your hobbies but your families on autopilot and your wife is unhappy, but you don't care as long as she did not do much gin cheat on you or leave you now the moment she starts threatening to do one of those last two things are threatening to leave you. You get all like religious right and you want to come to church you come in our offices see this all the time in your hat off excess changes I want to do, but you're sitting there with her. You like, I'll change I'll change I'll change Heather's changes last for about three months until the threat of her leaving is gone right and the problem is you never fix the problem. The problem was your only reason you changed was because you thought your life was about to be affected. It was never a change for her sake. That's why she's leaving you. By the way, I'm not saying I'm not saying she's right in doing so should I guess in your own.

I just try to tell you what you doing cc through all the changes that you're making it would because you know that you'll make these changes your loan can be affected and you want that's even serve yourself by pretending to serve her for little while.

Got to be a whole fundamental change in how you see your relationship, man, you remain the leader, but you were to be a servant leader. Here's a definition of a servant leader managed to write this down, taking initiative for the benefit of others. That's a servant leader is leadership. I'm given to my marriage but a servant leader is one who takes initiative for the benefit of others. Spiritual headship man is not licensed to do what you want to do its empowerment to do what you ought to do, which means that 90% of the disagreements in my house.

I should voluntarily lose because you're usually not about moral or immoral spiritual direction. My family there about you know the color of the curtains of the carpet where we go out to eat what we do on vacation and those are things that if I'm submitting myself to my wife I'm going to think of her interest as more important than mine, and I'm going to lay down my life for land on July part of me taken a bullet or stand in front of a train really means is that daily you are submitting your interest to hers. There are more important to you then. Yours are ladies this is a powerful question for you as man.

What can I do to serve you. What can I do to help you not go there with you say what can I do to help you most of your husband like nothing right but just asking them. Let them know that you are aware of their burdens. What that became the attitude of the home you create for them and how you treat them when they come into the home. When they return back home off of a business trip. Yes of course you are stressed with the kids. But what if you thought a bitter needs is more important than your own. What if and how you relate to them.

You do so through the filter of how can I build this guy up. How can I be Christ to this guy to become everything that he can be. How can I communicate honor to him. How can I communicate that I believe in him, how can I submit see him can I brag on Veronica for a minute. She's not part of life, but she is awesome at this part, the way that she had submitted herself to me and respected me. She is so affirming of the sometimes. I've got to literally go into the bathroom and over my shirt to see if there is an ask him blaze and on my chest because that's how she treats me like Superman. Sometimes, and I know it's not because I deserve it.

I just know that that's her way of serving me to tell me you lazy say, but you don't understand. My husband is not like that he is not a spiritual leader. He is so lazy he's hard to respect Broncos W. I got a chance to see what she was quick to say Psalms to undulate that oftentimes go tell you what you say, she's like I'm she's like many of the women that I talked to seem to be this attitude there I can get out.

My husband let your husband spiritually or I'll gladly submit to him she's I can. That's because you don't know the real JD you see JD as he presents himself not JD as he actually is and she had to make a decision at the beginning of our marriage that if she was going to submit to me and honor me, it would be out of reverence for Christ. Not always reverence for me because I don't deserve it, but he always does. And here's what's happened over time wasn't ladies over time. This is me talking on our I am becoming the man that she always told me that I could be. She she is held the crown of Jesus over my head since the beginning of our relationship and she has grown me into it and somewhere along the way.

I started to believe that I actually had the assets emblazoned on my chest that she affirming to me even when I didn't always believe about myself that you do it out of reverence for Christ and that changes them.

But what if each of you had this attitude toward sex what is sex were less about your needs and you started to ask how can I serve you. What if in regards to sex you let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who thought not of his interest first, but he thought more highly of the others interest. For many of you sex and marriage is only about what you feel like but this is like all dimensions of our relationship. Best experience as an act of service as an act of mutual submission remain alike.

That's kind of service I'm talking about either. I will show up seven days a week 24 hours a day I work overtime nights, weekends, holidays, whatever man here I am reporting for duty.

I realize that okay by the way can I get officer Boxer decided I read somewhere recently that 65 to 70% of college students participating with all the hookup culture of the cultures greatest know have sex with somebody because you enjoyed for the night, which would include a lot of those are listening to me right now to go to our church sex outside marriage is wrong. Simple in its own right. But just think about this for me for many girls. If a guy is going to serve himself with your body before marriage do you really feel like he's going to change and begin to serve you and all the other aspects of your relationship after your married.

Of course he's not.

That's a character think right what happens as many of you girls listen to me right now you hear me describe the kind of husband and spiritual leader like I want that you'll just luck into that God serves himself sexually before marriage serve himself and all the other aspects of your relationship after your married. That's a character issue so for that very reason you start making decisions about the guys that you're going to be where they're going to be guys who understand this principle of mutual submission. They understand that you use your body for themselves sexually when you're not planning to commit to you. Do you choose to get there right here in just a moment on Senate life here in a one way to be sure that we continually God's word saturating our life to participate in our daily email devotional from pastors meeting.

The best part is that it follows along with our teaching right here on the program you can dive deeper into all the world. Learning and share with others. Sign up for this free resource@jdgreer.com/resources JD GRT AR.com/resources now. Let's return for the conclusion of today's message. Once again, what can I do to serve you teenagers what would it look like if you walk in the kitchen as I question your parents deal secret to say anything to pass out when I finally wake other than coat over your room and there's an offer to buy you anything you want to try this question in your job say to your boss what you send it to your employees. I'm telling you this would change the whole culture of your work environment. But what if you had this attitude when you were wrong on her right now.

But even in this. I want to serve you and I will wash your train now. Please note here that I'm not talking here about enduring physical abuse or ever keeping yourself in a situation where your unsafe note. You should always get out of that immediately what I am saying is, what if when you were wrong you wash the feet of the other person who was doing the wrong the way that Jesus did for you.

You want to know what would happen. Probably same thing that happened to Jesus disciples. These cowards that just a few hours from them. We depart from him would after this experience become faithful to him for the rest of their lives, endure persecution and death and be loyal to him, to the last day that's what you would find probably happens. You see, that's the gospel secret the gospel secret is that the most profound changes are made in somebody, not by paying them back for their sin.

But when you absorbed their sin and give them grace that changes their heart. What would happen. Church if you started to ask this one simple question in all of your relationships. Here's what would happen for some of you, everything would change because the gospel would start to saturate your marriage or your home or your workplace would change the environment, what happens when the gospel comes in no place, it re-generates it re-creates. It makes all things new. So my challenge for you this week is going to be for you to say this, at least one time a day. One time a day. The people your families if you're single say to a roommate and friends are like this with me is that he was serving a creator that in the for them. It is brought out the best for me is the way this is created. My challenge is going to be saying one time a week to those in your life in a significant relation if you work your boss, your boss say that your employees one time a day is all right simple, but stay with me and I'll save and use it. What can I do to serve you, and you have to be more sincere when you say okay you have to mean what can I do to serve you. Everybody is your married right now turn to look yourself in the eye and say it after me.

Look at what can I do to serve you.

Say it to feel that your that emotions called senior and I want to keep you from doing this for some of you it's fear what they might actually say here that you're going to be taken advantage of in fear that your personal needs are not going to be met you not to trust God. So it makes you afraid welcome to be a follower of Jesus. Fear is always included in faith because it was happen 99.8% of the things you're afraid of them never happened there to spurious what can happen is as you submit as you obey God as you take the low place. God flipping Susan reached down and he's going to exalt you. He is going to begin to make sure that your needs are met because in Christianity the way up is always the way down so you do it out of reverence for out of fear of trust in Christ must be say, but if I do this.

There never to change the key taken advantage of me. They are so selfish sure that you take advantage of you a little. One of the biggest nails that we believe in relationships.

Listen. The biggest myth we believe is that we change other people by paying them back by making them feel the pain that we felt when they wronged us. As I think about pay you back, and maybe you'll think twice about hurting me again for the gospel secret is a grace is the most powerful change agent on the planet. The threats of the law can change my behavior, but grace changes my heart.

That's all God change me now change you can change me about Fred and Hallie change me by showing that he would take my sin wash my feet washed, my soul is blood. That's how we change my heart to see the threats of the walking course my behavior, but only God gospel can change my heart, that's how my wife change me a marriage not by paying me back for the ways that I was treating her selfishly. She change my heart by becoming a servant for me and she became a servant for me. It made me have in my heart that kind of hard for some of you fear that if you live this way, your never to be happy to newsflash the happiest person ever to live was Jesus and he spent his life washing feet and died for sinners. There is joy in being like Jesus and walking with Jesus that you'll never experience. If you're just the king and defender of your tiny dark cold little self-centered kingdom, the power to do this, verse 21 clearly points you worried about is white so portable verse first one was submitted to one another out of reverence for Christ out of reverence for Christ. When we talk about that when underlined.

If you haven't yet, you do out of reverence for Christ. They're not always worthy, but he always is your so overwhelmed and worship what he's done that. It just overflows in your relationship you do it as an act of worship to him because behind them.

You see him standing is one of the secret members. You may not notice right of first row point out of midsentence and at the translation that you're using English translation treated as analyst and its withdrawal at the NIV here and if he has one sentence update mark out the capital and probit S and Markel. In verse 20 is not in Greek. If one sentence is one long sentence that begins in verse 18 to look up into the first phrase of your for phrases be filled with the spirit be filled with the spirit in the what Paul does watch is he gives you a number of evidences that you are filled with spirit speak to one another in psalms and spiritual songs give thanks your heart always all things and you submit to one another out of reverence for Christ if you're going to be able to do this is not going to come from you. Working up is always good to be from the spirit of God giving the ability inside of you to do it.

It's a supernatural strength, not a natural in the way that he does it. If he does it by enlarging your eyes to how awesome Jesus is, you become so filled with reverence for Christ that he just overflows by the power the spirit and all the relationships that are around you. As in all things always the answer is meditate on the gospel, because it is the gospel that produces in you the power to do everything that Jesus told you to do.

It's not buck up and follow his example be overwhelmed by his sacrifice, and you will become like him all things you always go back to the gospel, you sometimes will say the rabbinic level to be like a triangle not it shouldn't be a triangle but it ought to be like trying and at the top of the triangle you put God put you on one side person you love the upside is, as you will closer to God you were closer to each other. That's what is talking about when we say that it is as you grow in awareness and in worship of God and the gospel that you begin to naturally serve your spouse and to treat their interest is more important in your one time a day when comedy any significant relationship right one time a day that just right seven times between now the time schedule next week, seven times more.

You come right here you tell me… It did not work right to me about illustration for the next average about SAB doing a favor to me.

I just try to release the gospel into all married try with a roommate or anybody tried to when a person Starbucks my crazy offered a situation what it will be fun to be fun. I promise okay seven times one day each week in your significant relationship. Watch the gospel encouraged me to follow resources to get started.

Jamie Greer.com castigating today's message gave us something incredibly practical that we can do to transform all of our relationships so can you tell us a bit more about this teaching series 1st lead and first love this.

I love this series because we are looking at what Ephesians 5 has to say about building gospel centered relationships, not just in marriage. Really every relationship that we have. If there's one thing that I'm confident in saying we need help with its forming and building healthy life giving life restoring relationships. In many ways. These relationships become windows to our relationship with God. They are labs in which God grows spiritually. They are reflections of the quality of our walk with him.

So we got a new resource we want to make available along with this series that will help you and those that your in various types of relationships with help in talking to one another. We made this set of conversation cards simple cards that you can keep your dinner table around the kitchen island. Or maybe in your car that just have a question or a prompt on them that can kickstart dialogue around important topics to go along with that. We got a book of 15 different devotions that are all around the topics of faith. The rest of relationships, even a couple thrown in specifically for parents. I think you'll find not only the quality of your knowledge of the Bible increase we use this resource, but the quality of relationships and how to apply how I would love to reserve a copy of the devotion and the conversations card we could do that if you discredit JB grid.com resources comes thanks to support this ministry distracted family conversation 335-5320 donate online here.com I'm on leave in advance. Thank you for joining us again tomorrow will be diving into the topic of friendship.

All sure to join us again.

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