Mother's Day 2015

About that some a church with your hands together for God, for happy happy Mother's Day weekend. All of the campuses of the Summit surgery of something that is very very special for you this weekend, earlier this year I was at a conference down in Fort Lauderdale will liberate and my wife and I were there together and I was getting ready to speak in the BMC.

I made some announcement about who the other speakers are going to be that day and the speaker. The announcer said you know later this morning to have Elise Fitzpatrick to be speaking and my wife leans over to me and she says oh Elise Fitzpatrick. She is my favorite Bible teacher and I said no I teach the Bible also says yes I'm very aware of that and Elise Fitzpatrick is my favorite Bible teacher and just confirmed to me something that I've been wanting to do for a long time and that is her as part of our ministry here at the summit. Churches are this weekend we have the privilege of welcoming her to the summit church in just a moment she's going to come up here and we see and I are going to have a conversation that about some things that are not only relevant for Mother's Day that are just relevant for all of us at whatever stage of life that we are in, I first became aware of her ministry several years ago when someone handed me a book to preview for the women of our church believe it was comfort from the calls of the cross or comfort. Romans it was a book written by Elise Fitzpatrick for other women and I got about the about the 10th page into it and I thought this is fantastic explanations of what the gospel is and how it applies to my life, actually hit it around because I didn't want everyone to see. It was reading a book that had been written for women and I've been odds of my why you got to read this. Since that time I've read. I would say just about everything that she has written.

She's written a lot on parenting her book on parenting. I give them grace was one of the absolute best that formed, how Veronica and I approached rearing our children that is phenomenal. I have not read her newest book, I will have to admit that good news for weary women, not only because of the name but I will read it.

As I read over other ones I just want to make sure I get it on Kindle so no one knows what I'm reading, but it is that we have is available at all, or campuses of the next steps area is you guys that just learned that it was Mother's Day weekend and you're like oh no, that is a great way for you to take a bad situation and make a redemptive, you can go outside and you could purchase that book and and your wife or mother will think that you knew all along that it was Mother's Day weekend. So you want to take advantage of that, what a privilege it is so and all of our campuses summit church.

If you put your hands together you. Welcome to our stage here Elise Fitzpatrick. So much for being here, but serviceable material for your nominal this point to it right there. This here's the tear now… Personal.

Make sure that we thereby notice everybody believe that you have three children is that correct yes. I don't know how nuts are holding all yours mine that I have grandchildren and they're the only ones I know how old they are there 66. No, I didn't mean and 14 and 211-year-old girls into eight-year-old boys. They all live out on the West Coast. Yes, they do all within half an hour so our house so were really blessed while living the dream yes well I have several very difficult questions that I cannot wait to ask you, I'm not doing one who has come up with these but I am just very excitable will jump right into it. I would like to start with an observation that I have about women like the CD that you want to jump in the women today seems to me seem to receive really conflicting messages about really where they ought to find their identity.

It seems like our culture right now teaches that in order for a woman to have a good identity. She's gotta have good degrees. You gotta have a career she's got to be able to prove that everything that you know I'm a man to do 30 years ago she can do and then that's, one message on the other side. It seems that a lot of churches that take the Bible really seriously conservative churches. They cannot come back in that message by saying oh no, no, you need to find your identity as a wife and mother. And really that's success in life is being a good wife and a good mother.

I won the first things I noticed when I got into your books was how much you talk about identity. It was the thing that ministered to my soul. Probably more than any other thing. So, where should women find their identity. Thank you.

I guess the problem is that we need to think that we find our identity in what we do. So my identity is mom or my identity is I am single I am a working woman or and and I think that's the wrong place to try to find our identity any the question would be what would my identity be if I were in an accident and could could not travel around and speak or if I had had a stroke and couldn't speak. What is my identity is my identity primarily rooted in what I do or is it rooted in who I belong to and what he has already done. And this question of identity is a question that talks about in Philippians 3 so let me just go there quickly.

In Philippians 3, beginning with verse three it says we are the circumcision, who worship God, who worship by the spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus, and put no confidence in our flesh, no confidence. Where do I go. If I'm feeling concerned if I'm if I am worried if I'm fearful.

Where do I go for confidence to like overconfidence in my identity as a mom who is doing everything I can do to try to do things right or do I put my confidence in something else. So all that we put no confidence in the flesh, though he says I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh. So if you want to talk about. You know who's got what going on. Paul he says if anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more circumcised on the eighth day of the people of Israel of the tribe of Benjamin in the Hebrew of Hebrews as to the law Pharisee asked to seal a persecutor of the church as to righteousness under the law, blameless, shocking statement.

I wonder how much we take that and we say oh yeah, that's all about hall and that whole business of being a Pharisee and all of that, but we don't see how we do those same things you know so like we could say I have confidence.

I have a degree I have. I have this job. I or I have this many children and I homeschool them and by the way I homeschool my kids. I'm not picking on homeschoolers. But you know I homeschool my kids or I have a house looks a certain way seat for Paul it was an issue of ancestry and how he was doing in fulfilling the law for us. I think particularly as women. It is a lot of times how we think were doing fulfilling whatever law we have given ourselves to. So if it's the law of you can you can go to work every day and you can bring home the bacon and you know your your great woman see me roar or or it's time homeschool mom or I'm just to stay home and be mom and II don't have any problem with that.

I mean, that's wonderful. I think if women are able to stay home and they have small kids particularly I think it's a good thing for them to stay home, but that's not our primary identity.

See that's what Paul is getting out. There's a wall that our culture is giving you all says yes you got achieve this law that the church gives which says oh you gotta be this law and the problem is that if what the hell were living. The law is never it's never to be enough see it, it will never be enough. So I if I'm in the workforce. I will never have accomplished enough, if I am fulfilling the law of being a great mom. Well, you know kids always get in the way of me being a great mom right grade that I exactly I've heard that. Well, what okay so see as long as that's how were trying to give ourselves confidence. It's never to be enough. Where can it kill ourselves trying to do more try harder. See that's not the message that's not the message of the church. So Paul sorry I'll get off this in the second but Paul says whatever again I had I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for his sake. I've suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish and know what that word meant in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ. So my identity as a woman and guys as well. Your identity is not primarily rooted in what you have done your identity is rooted in what Christ has done for you and your faith in that. That's our primary identity and if we forget that if we forget that all of our righteousness are okay.

This all of our of penis before God and before others. If we forget that that comes from the work of Jesus Christ alone. Then as a mom, I'm always good to be on my kids case to try to get them to do the right thing because I got a approve of myself as a mom or perhaps as a husband or a dad. You're always going to be trying harder to prove that you really okay so if my penis, my righteousness is the biblical word if my if my righteousness is not rooted in myself, but rather in what Jesus Christ is already done by living a perfect life in my place dying a substitutionary death for me in my place and then being raised my justification. If my identity is rooted in that, but it doesn't matter if I get in an accident and I can't care for my kids or my kids go off the rails.

I need to separate my heart yes of course.

But that's not my primary identity and I will despair over the search of the woman who feels like I'm not a very good idea because she feels like whether try to wall we won't judge you. Another case I was a bit that she feels like I can't spin I thought, I'm one, the one that does have to get a job and I am not able today. I just feel defeated over the one it feels like and is not a very good mother or for the one whose kids usually said going off the rails.

You make that simple. What would you do when they come to you with that kind of guilt yes. So then what we say is the first call, of course, I mean we live in a sin cursed world and so I'm not going to be able to say anything that is that's been a change that reality. There are difficulties and trials and troubles everywhere. However, I don't need to be filled with despair because I'm not living up to someone else's, or even my own expectation of what it means to be a godly woman. What I am leaving in rather is faith in the Indo reality that Jesus Christ lived perfectly. He was the perfect son he was the perfect son to his mother whom he gave over into the care of John as he was dying. He was the perfect he was the perfect single single parent in a family he had to oversee his family after his earthly father Joseph died he provided for the family. He did that perfectly. He loved his father his entire life, even though at the end of his life he was deserted by his father for our sake. So then I say yeah you feel despairing because you can't approve of yourself and when I'm saying to you is don't try because you got something better. Got something so much better, which is the approval of God, who by the way his opinion is the only opinion that matters his opinion is the only opinion that matters in what he said about you. Even your failure is my righteousness is enough and will help me be a better parent because he now now I'm not trying to invest into my children, my identity, I know that when my kids were growing up. Our youngest son Joel is graduating from seminary actually this month. He had long, very curly hair and he was kind of hygienically challenged a lot of college to so at this point he was about 16 and we live in Southern California. He was a surfer so you know he go to the beach and go surfing and he come home and I look at this hair and I think dude what is in there. I don't know is that like fish or what. And I used to walk in the church with him and I would see people in church look at him and look at me with disdain and I would make me so mad that it would make me mad at him are at them. It would make me mad at him because my identity as my worth my value as a woman as a mother was invested in whether or not people approved of my children and whether or not they were doing a good enough job so if I could've had my kids walk in and look like the daggers for the von Trapp family singers, you know, like all perfect and all that would've been good.

I met him once will talk about that later if if I could have walked in the church and had everybody approve of my children. Then I would've said about myself. I am a woman of words. I'm okay. I have righteousness and because of that I had all kinds of anger towards my children anger towards them when they didn't make me proud. Which is kind of what we want our kids to do is make us proud anger at them when they didn't make me proud and then fear that they weren't going to serve Christ and the way that played out was in my hammering them nonstop try to get them to become something crisp for you adjustable pressure on the create and so in the life of Jessica who is our middle child Jessica was the perfect Pharisee. She she won Ms. Christian character when she was in kindergarten seriously and she she went on missions trips.

She was part of the youth group. Everybody loved her.

Everybody would say why can't you be like Jessica to their kids chattel letterman's jacket with the first sonnet when she was that girl, she even went to Bible college.

She was 17 or 18, and one day she tells the story publicly, so I'm not speaking out of turn. But one day she was in prayer and Bible college and she said she really wasn't praying she was, you know, she said at that point if we would had cell phones. I would been on Facebook right so just during prayer. God came to her and said all your goodness everything you're trying to do to prove to your mom and your whole family that you really good. It's not enough.

You need to trust me in Christ saved her soul and she came home and said mom I got saved school today and I said wait, what, but I mean you were baptized.

You did this you did this.

Oh yeah, I was just all I was faking it the whole time seem part of that was me mean part of its her and her desire to be well thought of, but then part of it also was me and the pressure I was putting on her to be a good kid not like me because I didn't grow up in a Christian home, so I said my kids are going to be like that so I put all this pressure on her to be good so she faked it, which is why the very best statistic is 66% of our kids when they leave our homes also leave the faith to my my hunch is that they haven't really heard the gospel what they are hearing from us is be nice. Would you like to see our four kids were all kids right and I know what the reputation because of them and I figured out that a lot of it. I can feel myself putting pressure on them saying I need you to be this because people think about me based on what you are with us no reason to be righteous right create resentment of the Northeast to that freedom well that you have written a lot about parenting back to some of the most helpful stuff that I am all helpful, but all helpful. I read everything you written on parenting and plotted all kids still so messed up.

It's your fault. What are some of the biggest myths that you see in the church today about parent. It's the whole good kids in got good parenting in good kids out okay so what we would call a covenant of appearing teen covenant of works, so if I'm the right kind of parent and I'm consistent and faithful in discipline and instruction than if I do these things right, then what will automatically happen is my kids will serve Christ. That's a myth actually. First of all, because God never places the burden of someone else's salvation on our souls. I mean can you can you imagine the burden of the salvation of someone else being all up to you. It would be.

It's terrible. We can't do it. I can't buy my own effort.

Save anybody. So that is one of the biggest myths and that's why people go to conferences or read books on parenting, which thank you that read books on parenting because they're looking for the magic bullet so if I can just get the right five steps. If I can get them going and I can just get my husband on board and get him going, then our kids will turn out the way we want them to turn out but you see that's that's not at all. That's not all. What Scripture teaches us about salvation is matter-of-fact. Think about it the entire first generation of the New Testament church.

None of them were raised in a Christian home. None of them had been up among the Jewish church. They certainly were raised with the Torah, but in in Ephesus or in the Greek world. They were raised.

Even with the Torah and had God save them and that's our hope as parents, not just his mom but his dad's and grandparents are our only hope is that salvation belongs to the Lord and the Lord is immensely powerful and immensely merciful, and upon that we hang all of our hope.think what one of things I lecture at our church several times as you pointed out that the dog had been a perfect parent by definition, yes. And yet Adam rebelled against him. As of the Angels and one avenger said it was a game changer for us and our family is that that thinking that this covenant parent parent covenant of works kept us from the one thing we probably most needed in a parity which was hope in the grace of God. Yes, every walk in first Peter and your dislike. After Peter gives all these instructions to the church about how to survive persecution heavy and he didn't say so hang on your birth memorization.

Hang on to your your fellowship.

He says open the grace of God right which is is kind of an that's is what I know. My hope is for market yet exactly so. As parents, the only way we cannot drive our kids crazy is the only way we cannot drive our kids crazy is instead of setting up a paradigm where were saying. I am really good. I'm the good godly believing parent you should be like me and so we have the sort of adversarial thing happening instead of doing that saying you have trouble sharing optimist prime many of you know who optimist prime is signing is that he's he's the big dog transformer. I don't get okay he said out of I learned that he's not antiseptic on this and I don't want yes he did.

Glory. So when they're fighting over who gets optimist, then I don't say I can't believe you're not sharing what's wrong with or what I used to say which was, let me tell you something guys everything. This house belongs to me. So if you don't learn to share in a take it all back. I mean that's really godly and so you know you filled with praise. Yes, you instead of that saying of Chris you don't want to share.

I don't want to share either. I mean I get on an airplane and I fly Southwest a lot. I get on an airplane and you know King Kong comes and sits down next to me it's like excuse me right I don't want to share see this invisible line due to your cross and it not wanting to share see, but it's having that openness of heart where we admit to our children. I'm a sinner just like you I I sin in sort of more sophisticated ways. I flatter myself.

I sin in more sophisticated ways. But I sin, just like you, but to gather we run to Jesus who is the Savior. He's the rescuer and its his record of always having shared his toys.

Why did Jesus have to live life as a child he had to live life as a child for all of the times that you and I don't share our toys, he did for us, perfectly fulfilling the law of loving your neighbor in our place so he had to live at home life with little brothers and little sisters and that whole thing.

He had to live that life for us so that we tell our children.

If you believe if you believe, even if you don't share you have Christ's perfect record of always sharing in your place. Now that I know you I say that in people parents.

I can say that you can. That's the gospel and when you say that that's the only thing that can transform a heart. The only thing that can transform a heart is the gospel. You see, I can compel outward compliance I can compel that I can make my children obey outwardly, but I can't transform the heart only thing that does. That's the gospel third question because I know our time is limited. Your woman your phenomenal Bible teacher and you are very passionate. I know about seeing how God has designed women to use them specifically in the kingdom of evangelical churches often struggled with that question. What are some of the unique gifts that women bring to the church and how can we as a church unleash women so that they have maximum gospel impact on the world.

Yeah yes I I want my primary passion is to see women fulfilling their call in Christ wherever that is, and what I don't want to do is say you cannot do this this and this, or you must go do this what I want to say is you have been completely loved all the love you're looking for. You've Artie been given in Christ and all the forgiveness you've Artie been given in Christ and the perfect record you've Artie been given in Christ.

If you believe now, in light of that love your neighbor and you give people you give women that mess and that's the message that will turn the world upside down. It will truly see the message of good mom and stay home or the message of fulfill your potential as a woman and go out and get a great job. Neither one of those things are different really then then basically what the world says, which is be good. What we say to our neighbors wherever they may be. Yeah I I I I get that it's hard and that you're struggling I get that because I live the same life. You do and and what's different about me is that I have a Savior who lived perfectly and died in my place and you can have forgiveness and that message is both those messages are change that puts on a switch guys up, making what I know for me.

You know the wall that I live under is if your church is circumcised or your do this, then you will be successful no matter what people say that you're the preacher I met caused me to be a very bad parent because I'm always trying to figure out how to become better at this. Even if they gotta pay the price was realizing God is not love me anymore for church fails or if it succeeds. Yes, based on the quality of my sermons that I should free me up to be able say I'm not to do this, which may end up going to church as I need to be a daddy and love my kids and it frees you also to be transparent and to be a truth teller because I don't have to worry. You don't have to worry, we don't have to worry about anyone else's opinion of us seem to be absolutely free from this slavish bondage to what other people think of us to be free from that and then to be able to love our neighbor wherever God calls us so I want to lay down my life and the reason I want to lay down my life is not because I got something to prove or I'm trying to earn something or I'm trying to prove that I'm really a good Christian woman or fight some cause I want to lay down my life because Christ has given me everything everything I need. He's already given me that we got done know we have some talking to women.

We have some men were terrible bad because they cannot escape the change of feeling like they gotta get to a certain place in their career. Maybe dad held over them.

Or maybe they hold themselves in the liberating message well which was the last question. It is Mother's Day, as we have talked about yeah know you better have your card and your little gift out more good news for weary what I would like a lot of people they love Mother's Day your a lot of others.

It opens up a while a lot of wounds yes of red women and men could just talk really briefly about what makes today's are difficult and how the gospel is good news that could shape how we celebrate this whatever circumstance were right. So if Mother's Day so many women stay home from church on Mother's Day because their single and they just cannot stand to hear it again or because their relationship with their children is bad and they tried to raise their children properly. But the kids would even talk to them now or or maybe there there in a family and they have kids, but there has been just basically ignores them.

On Mother's Day, and all these things, yet if they've had an abortion, maybe their infertile, and the church is basically said to all these women you have no worth. Unless you have children you're raising and to that we should be against that we should militate strongly because again, our worth is not in what we do.

So does God use us in whatever way he chooses which may or may not be being a mom.

But he uses us according to his plan and we are welcomed by him. Listen, here's the gospel we are more sinful and flawed than we ever dared believe were more loved and welcomed than we ever dared hope now live in the light of that, if you have children you can love them freely, you can confess your sin freely. You can run to Christ together freely. If you don't have children. Love your neighbor listen. Single women you are of great value to the church and you have the house to the church far beyond whether or not you babysit other people's kids.

You have great value to Christ.

Live your life. Burn it for the Lord and the Lord is pleased with that in what ever sphere. We find ourselves church. Thank you so much as some pictures of the gospel repeat what she said is that you are more sinful and damage than you probably ever realized and get more loved and accepted than you ever dared hope at the same time, and the gospel reshapes everything about your life whether your mother. Whether you're single with your father. Whatever stage you are in. It was in part through Lisa's ministry, as well as the reading I was doing at the time that God gave to me something that I have come to refer to is will I call the gospel prayer and I think that it would be something that would be a very fitting way to end just our time together and then the action get you to pray it.

God therefore phrases but I do not expect you to remember all of them but I will give them to you. You can if you write fast you can certainly jot them down but then I'm going to does leaders of the time we pray these together specifically about about the subject at hand are the first phrase of it is, there is nothing in Christ. There's nothing I could do that could make God love me anymore and not that I have done that makes him love me any less.

What that means is that I could be the perfect parent and I would not love me one bit more. It means that I could come into my marriage with all kinds of mistakes. Maybe it's a failed marriage.

Maybe it's on the worst parent of the planet and God does not love me any less because God's love for me is no longer determined on what I do is determine on what he is given to me in Christ and the fact that he is adopted me as a son or daughter in Christ is nothing I could do that would make you love anymore. Not that I have done that makes you love me any less second phrases you God you are all I need for everlasting joy.

You're all I need for everlasting joy.

What that means is that I get your approval and who cares about the approval of everybody else.

I when I was in college I wanted to be successful and I want to be rich when God told me the ministry I managed to drag those two idols out is drag him into the church about what I got to do is I gotta have a great ministry and then I'll be happy and so every weekend after the sermon. It'd been a bad sermon you could scrape me up off the floor. The spatula because I needed to preach good sermons in order to feel like I had worth because I needed people to talk about me and say oh he's a great preacher is great pastor usually done something with his life. You all I need for everlasting joy means I don't need a big church only to successful ministry made you like me because you know if the God of all the universe. If I am someone that he cherishes and if he is on my side but who cares what a bunch of no account earthlings up say about me know if this but you all I need for everlasting joy. The third phrase is as you have been to me so I will be to others, it means that having been a great recipient of grace in the gospel. That means that I want to be that for my kids. I would be that for my spouse. I want to be that for the world is are just like your life as a sacrifice for my I want to make my sacrifice for the world that is around me and you are all I me for everlasting joy in the fourth phrase is as I pray I will measure your compassion by the cross in your power by the resurrection, as I pray today I'm going to measure your compassion by the cross, measure your power by the resurrection that gospel shapes how I pray for my children, it's that shape so I pray for my neighbors. It shapes how I approach life because I know that God demonstrated his love for my kids.

Jesus got of the cross and I know that God demonstrated his power, his ability to say he rose from the dead, and that means I don't enter into a day with a sense of defeat. Because no matter what obstacle I have in front of me. What difficulty I see in my children. I know that the God who gave his son is so compassionate that it definitely hears whatever is on my heart and the God who raised Jesus from the dead. Certainly capable and powerful enough to be able to deliver the situation, but I prayed asking him about Isaiah 59 wanted to use as awards are not short and that it cannot save me the God is no less powerful today to say that he was the 2000 years ago and his ear is not heavy that he cannot hear me. She's no less compassionate today that he was when he from the cross. Look at the people crucified him, and said father had mercy on them. They know not what they do.

Father forgive them.

It is your sins.

Isaiah 59 says that separated you from God mainly your sense of unbelief. Your sense of thinking that it's it's it's you you're the one that's got to please everybody. You're the one that's got to make life work really Christianity begins in rest. Good mothering good fathering good parenting begins in rest be a good spouse begins in raspy thriving single person begins in rest. The rest it says in Christ is not that I can do that would make you love me anymore because you said it is finished and has been given to me in your all I need for everlasting joy.

That is the gospel for Mother's Day the gospel for Father's Day and it is the gospel for every Sunday and joy want to leave our heads all over campus as you bow your heads together and could I speak those words over you phrase by phrase, I would just play them back to God. And if your mother that you you're in a situation that you feel devastated and defeated, but are you just pray and believe these things right now believe the gospel play it over yourself in Christ. Number one in Christ. There's nothing I could do God that would make you love me anymore. It love me anymore. Not that I have done that would make you love me any less. Now say to him God you are all that I need for everlasting joy. You plus nothing equals everything you need for everlasting joy. You say that to him from your father as you have been to me so now I will be to others what you think about whatever situation your kids with your spouse, friends don't help me to be as gracious and compassionate to them as you have been to me. Lastly, as I pray as I pray all measure your compassion for this situation by the cross in your power to say by the resurrection, and I'll ask according to the greatness of your love to meditate we love to go deeper into the gospel of Jesus Christ. And thank you for showing it how it applies.

On Mother's Day, and how it applies to all of us whether we are mothers are not God. We are one kind of person were some centers where one great source of unhappiness and that is idolatry. We have one great salvation. The blood of Jesus. One great satisfaction in your presence that never fades never goes away. We love you, father, we glory in you. We rest in you. We revel in the gift that you given us in Christ. Behold what manner of love. You have given to us that we should be called the sons and daughters of the Almighty God. We pray in Jesus name in all God's people said they never worshiped