The Quicksand of Relationships - Up Close and Personal Pt. 3

Good night what we want to talk about is we want to talk about God's plan for sex and relationship before marriage but you know I was thinking today the world have a plan for sex and relationship before marriage and if you don't believe it just wasn't a television, listen to the radio they scream an active through public education. They scream it out us through magazines like Playboy and Cosmopolitan and all of these things and really friends.

It's like quicksand. There plan for sex and relationship is like quicksand. You know what quicksand is.

It looks like perfectly safe dirt until you step on it and it sucks you under and that's the way the world's plan for sex and relationships are God also has a plan for sex and relationship a plan that he doesn't shout to us over the television and out of magazines. A plan that he calmly whispers to us out of the Bible and I'm here to tell you that if you want to run any relationship in your life the way that is healthy you wanted God's way and if you want to run a relationship. It is romantic in a way that has a solid foundation you'll run it God's way and that includes how you run the sexual side of your relationship.

I was at the gym the other day and the guy came up to me and his girlfriend start work on the frontline and he said to me said my girlfriend start to come to your church and I said that's wonderful. He said they're living together. He said not.

Don't mess her up authority mean by that is if I didn't know these, it will just all nestle up on God or exactly where I want and I don't mess up. You know what I said to him I said when I do try to measure girlfriend up limited.

Will try to do were going to try to teacher what it means to have a closer walk with the living God and working to teach her how to live a biblical worldview.

And if that messes your girlfriend up. I'm really sorry, but that's all around to do with the teacher girlfriend how to have that that you and I both know if we succeed in a mess this whole thing up to him that this problem is my problem. Okay, this is not really talk about tonight.

May is a lot you know, just before you get into this, though, will mean any offense by this honest we don't but I mean you know you're an old guy was been a pastor all of his life. Anyone you know about this construct really no offense, though. Well, let me say to you, I haven't been a pastor all my life I wasn't born with a clerical collar on and got got income to Jesus Christ until I was 21 years old by the time I came to Jesus Christ.

Having lived quite a different lifestyle than that of the pastor.

I have sexual relationships with over 20 ladies I don't even have an exact count. This is the truth I got a girl pregnant, forced her to have an abortion. Let me tell you my life before I was a Christian was not the kind of life that you think of a pastor having and since I've been a pastor. I've been married to my wife for 24 years and been totally completely faithful to my wife so I've been on both sides of this to my friends and I'm telling you, I know what I'm talking about so I have the credibility to talk to about this and I hope you listen very carefully not start by asking this question what the how does God feel about sex soon will know never really thought about that. And yes, some weird question know it's not a rear question I want you to take a Bible want you to open it together to the book of Proverbs Proverbs chapter 5 and look with me if you would, in verse 18 Proverbs chapter 5. Look at verse 18. Okay, it says, and rejoice with the wife of your you verse 19.

May her breasts always satisfy you. May you ever be captivated. The word literally means intoxicated, drunk in her law know what is God talking about here, God is talking about a man and a woman sexual relationship he's talking about a man and a woman really getting into it sexually and what he is saying here is that this really pleases him. You know the common view of God when it comes to sexual relationship is that God is the ultimate killjoy in the universe that he is like some sort of super non-that just sits up there in heaven and just says no no no no you don't. Not my university don't but that is not God. That is not God and all my friends, God is a God and sex pleases.

This God and if you don't believe it. Just take a cruise through the song of songs some time is a lot I'd love to. Where is it.

It's in the Bible folks. If the book in the Bible. It's right before the book of Isaiah in the Bible and if the love sonnet a love poem about the physical relationship between a husband and a wife. It is so explicit in it and its reference is that in ancient Jewish culture.

A Jewish person that was under the age of 18, wasn't even allowed to read it. That's how concerned they were about it. Now she the woman in the sonnet talks about his packs and his lats and his a.m. and at one point even calls him a young stagger is pretty awesome and he and his partner, you can turn he talked in the sonnet about her lip and her hips about her eyes and her thighs about her breasts. Then the rest any ethanol in here and down through the centuries theologians have struggled what to do with this.

They have allegorizing and everything you could think of under the songs they wanted, they just take it at face value because the raw sexuality of the book so offended him. They didn't know what to do with it but you see friends. The problem is they didn't understand how God feels about sex. God is an advocate of sex God was the one who said be fruitful and multiply, entering but one way to do that you understand what I'm saying you only one way. Now God could have made is like amoebas you know. All of a sudden one day we just roll over and boom this to others, but that isn't how God not to know God made sex on purpose and he made it to be enjoyable and can be used by human beings listen when you have kids when you when you grow up, get married, you have children, let me tell you something. Don't you ever tell your children, don't you ever even imply to your children that sex is dirty or sex is bad, you know why because I believe you and you will lay a curse on them that they will struggle. The rest of their life to overcome many of you were told that when you grow up and friend I'm telling you that that is wrong.

It's a lie. You tell him that God says that sex is good sex is beautiful. That sex is pleasing to God.

You tell him that God is all for sex, so long as you use it God's way. If they see there. I knew there was a catch to this somewhere will there's a little one as long as you use it God's way. Now what is God's way. Well sex have rules. It's not like Howard Stern feels it's not a free-for-all. There are some rules to this day. Hebrews chapter 13 verse four. Listen, it says marriage is honorable and the marriage bed is pure or undefiled God's boundary for sex God's way of using sex is in this relationship, called marriage and it all relates to God's goal for marriage. Remember in the Old Testament God said this you here at most wedding and a man shall leave his father and his mother and he shall cleave to his wife and here it is, and the two of them shall become, you know what don't you want one flesh, and my friends God's plan for sex is that it be the highest expression that it needed deepest way of communicating this one flesh experience there is in that sexual relationship between a wife and a husband. And yes, it's true. The children are born from the sexual union. But that is completely secondary to the primary function of sex is to enrich and give expression to this one flesh intimacy to pull a man and a wife together in a way like nothing else does to deepen their intimacy to enrich their communication and to get to know your partner in a way that nothing else reveals your partner's heart and soul to you. Think about it for second sex is the only thing in the world that a husband and a wife do for each other that God allows nobody else to do generally think about that battle for second if you get married. God would be perfectly happy if somebody else washes your spouse's clothes would be it would make God perfectly happy if somebody else fixes your spouse's meal somebody else can vacuum your spouses for somebody else can wash your spouse's car somebody else can even floss your spouse's teeth. If they want to, but there is one thing God says nobody else does with your spouse but you and that's have sex and you know why because there is nobody else in the universe that has become one flesh with that spouse, but you that since and that expression of being one flesh together the sexual relationship is reserved for people who have made this commitment and are in the process of that intimate relationship called marriage were you become one flesh. Marriage is the fence that God has put around sex and use inside that dance sex is wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, fulfilling use outside of that fence sex is destructive and causes pain and heartache in people's lives. Is it will hear what you say and I do but but you know I've got some good reasons why you should have sex before marriage is a really okay love to hear.

Let's hear. I got three or four long given to me. Number one.

Sex is normal sex is natural lawn sex is environmental. I mean it's like a green thing you know what I'm saying hunting dogs doing monkeys doing There with and they attach no moral overtones to this thing. No right and wrong to it. They don't have to worry about love and marriage.

So why should we, I mean like Tina Turner said what love got to do with it.

This is just an environmental thing that everybody does. So why do you have to come along and lay all these moral overtones on where the answer when not like monkeys.

God didn't create us to be like dogs and cats. See if you believe this you born into a model of the universe that God says is incorrect and evolutionary model of the universe that says all we are just higher developed forms of dogs and In monkeys, so why should we do anything different than they do. That's not what God says in the Bible at all. God says that in the image of God he made a he never says that about a single creature on the face of the earth, except a human being and by being made in the image of God. We are distinct we are different we are set apart from every other kind of creature on this earth, meaning that we have a spirit they can connect with God and living relationship.

No animal has that he means that we have a conscience that tells us when we have stepped across the moral boundaries that God has set for us as people made in his image.

Cats and dogs don't have that and when it comes to sex my friends, God has set a moral standard, one that our conscience testifies to and love and marriage, and that commitment has everything to do with it. So I got another one. Okay, what's that, I agree love is important. I agree lawn, but we are in love. So there's nothing wrong with us doing it because we're in love will have a very simple response to that. If you're in love enough to have sex then you're in love enough to get married. And if you're not in love enough and if you're not committed enough to get married and I say to you, you're not in love enough and committed enough yet to have sex. It's pretty simple.

You save a lot on my next one is best, but we are in love and were planning to get married. We really are, but we want to sleep together first. But we want to live together first to make sure that we are compatible. I've even had guys say to me before God said to me one time. He said we know you try on ski boots before you take him on the slope and you feel about that girls, this is not about ski boots.

This is about a relationship with another human being right ladies, so I've had many people say to me very sincere. You know, with all the divorce in the world today.

We don't want to end up like that. So, so we just making sure that the chemistry is right were just making sure that wherever we are good match, and we got a good shot at making it together that were compatible and once we lived together for a while and sleep together for a while and were sure were compatible. That will feel the odds are better for us to get married.

I got news for you.

You put any two sinners under a roof. They will never be compatible because were all selfish. Compatibility is a myth. It's a myth of Hollywood. It doesn't exist. There's no such thing. Yeah, this is such a thing as people get along and liking each other and being attracted to each other but you will never find two human being that are compatible. I've been married for 24 years. I am a veteran of trench warfare. I have been down there with the mustard gas I have about all my suit to protect me from the atomic radiation friends. I know what it's like to be in the trenches and I'm telling you after 24 years of being married.

Brenda and I are totally incompatible, completely incompatible and I have given up all hope that we will ever be compatible is not going to happen similar to how the world did you guys make it how you hung together for 24 years has nothing to do with compatibility.

It has to do with commitment, we got married we said divorce is not an option. Jesus Christ and the two of us will work it out. Whatever it is and that's why were still together 24 years later. Listen marriages don't work because of some sort of mystical compatibility. Marriage is the work because you have two people who are committed to each other who are committed to Jesus Christ, and more committed to working it out regardless of what happens to get this foolish notion of compatibility friends besides living together is not going to have any greater odds of making I got an article out of USA Today. It's called cohabiting gauze, and secure the not listen to how the article begins practice doesn't necessarily make perfect in an error when living together is often a prelude to marriage evidence is mounting that the experience is no guarantee of wedded bliss. In fact, if you live together before marriage. The odds are that you will divorce those odds are higher than if you had never shared the toothpaste beforehand and here's a quote almost all studies show a higher divorce rate for those who cohabit than those who do not. One study shows up to a 50% greater chance of divorce of couples live together.

Forget about living together is not going to increase your odds and you are never going to be compatible with the person you married, so I think what happened anyway, that's not why marriages stay together you salon. I got one more quick go-ahead. Here's my last one. If I don't sleep with guys I'll never hold on anybody. I mean, you don't understand what it's like out there. The kind of pressure. The guys put on you out there gals look your second document I want to tell you something. The kind of guy that you have to sleep with in order to keep is a guy you don't need to hold onto you understand what I'm saying to you, honey.

What kind of commitment level can you count on from that kind of guy.

What about when you get pregnant. And what about when you have a child and you can have sex for weeks ahead of the birth and weeks after the birth. So what's he going to do then what's he going to do what about when you get sick or maybe you have to have a hysterectomy you have to have some other kind of surgery or maybe become injured and you can have sex. I mean, what's he going to do is to go to say well I'm sorry you know if you carefully been made of things over here will categorize this you want to die like this.

As a Christian woman. You need to tell that gotta get lost and you need to trust God to lead you to a godly man, a young man of God who will honor what God says about the way to run sex and relationship, and you heard me say it many times, but it deserves to be said again, there are worse things than being single all your life and one of them is to be married to a jerk the understand you don't want this God dump this guy is their will on I hear what you're saying but give me some good reasons.

On the positive side, why should I do it God's way. While much I respect these moral guidelines that God has given me for sexual relationship. Let me give you a couple of thoughts number one number one because you can catch some really nasty stuff. If you don't some nasty stuff anywhere some nasty stuff out there. I mean the sexually-transmitted diseases herpes for which by the way, you probably know, there is no cure you'll have the rest of your life and you'll expect anybody that you have sex with.

Not to mention HIV and AIDS is their will on a solution to that will just have our course so what in the world. Is that what this article really I got I got this article out of Mlle. magazine not right. There was a problem. The title of the article is almost 6 it says these days. Our course is in the listener what it says we are commonly rigid time obit.

It says the turn our course formally known as almost sex or everything, but encompasses kissing, massaging, coddling, in all my relationships inside made out of course my religion says Stacy. It has served me well and then he goes on to quote this 25-year-old girl listener what she said and she said she goes on to say our course gives you all the pluses of sex and none of the minuses like fear of pregnancy are often AIDS.

So what they're saying here is you do everything but and it's wonderful and you escape the problem of sexually transmitted diseases and all these other things you say someone that solve that problem doesn't know Noah does not.

If you're Christian young lady or Christian young man remember the verse that we put up on the screen. Maybe we should turn to its first Thessalonians chapter 4 would you turn there with me that you need to know this because you have somebody at the office or somebody etc. score somebody in the neighbor challenge and say well if the Bible talks about taxes being intercourse as long as you don't have intercourse is not a problem. I know all women. First Thessalonians 4 look with this look versatile.

First Thessalonians 4 verse three is God's will.

Second, do you realize it is only about five places in the whole Bible, where it actually says this is God's will. That's all.

So when it says it man is pretty important. This is God's will look that you should be consecrated, that you should avoid sexual immorality.

If there were long Ameena talking about intercourse.

Wait a minute, that each of you should learn to control his or her own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lost like people who don't know God.

Now I don't know about you but I would call out of course passionate lost when you to do everything but to have your hands everywhere when you call that passionate was I certainly would not man.

I don't think is worth wasting your time doing. I you know you know what I'm saying. Of course, is involved, passionate, lost his involvement when he goes on to say down in verse seven for God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life, not you can honestly tell me that everything but qualifies as living a holy life and you can really say that with complete integrity, then maybe you should go do it but I don't think there's a person alive who can say that they believe that and so this is not just talking about intercourse. This is talking about conducting ourselves in a way that is pure in a way that is godly. Let me tell you a second reason why we are doing God's way. It's because sex complicates dating relationship secure in a dating relationship and you let sex get involved. Let me tell you what's gonna happen.

Not only is he gonna make it more complicated but it's also going to set the stage for you to make a very bad decision and choice possibly regarding the marriage parties there when I was that connect will listen. Once sex gets involved in a relationship.

It's harder to evaluate the relationship before long the physical starts taking over and dominating the relationship and the really important things that you ought to be talking about the really important things that you ought to be focusing on like character like conflict resolution, like communication, like do you share the same values, like what is your walk with God like like you know how to handle disagreements. All these things that are central to making a marriage successful.

They all got off the window and all you want to do is have sex and you don't even pay attention to these things, and the result is it's really easy to make a bad decision about a marriage partner. Could you not talking about, and you're not focusing on the right things you're focusing on sex and that is not what you ought to be focusing on in a dating relationship. And even if you do decide to break up men. Once sex is involved, it makes it really difficult and really painful and a lot more complicated because there's guilt involved in this hurt involved in this embarrassment involved in the two of you end up walking away, both feeling like wounded people.

I can't tell you how many girls I've had in my office with said to me in one form or another. You know, if I had not slept with him. This would be a lot easier if I had had sex with them. I can walk away from this with no problem but because I slept with the God. This is just a lot more complicated lawn than it has to be.

And she's right you want to keep your dating life less complicated.

You want to keep it less painful. You want to keep it less risky of ending up with a bad marriage. Let me tell you what to do you keep sex out of it so you can focus and major on the majors one more final reason why you're doing God's way is the premarital sex results in baggage that even if you do get married, you take into the marriage with you, you know, first Corinthians chapter 6 is this and you don't have to turn their but here's what it says it says that every other sin that a person commits is outside of their body, but the person who commits premarital sex or sexual sin of any kind sins against their own bodies and mom was that mean I don't know. I don't know exactly what it means but I know at least this much it means that sexual sin is different, more serious than any other kind of sin we commit more serious than been feeling more serious than why more serious than speeding on the Beltway it's more serious because it does things to us emotionally and psychologically and spiritually that are much more damaging than the average. Soon, and that baggage that damage doesn't go away just because you get married. I've had many many couples in the 18 years I've been a pastor come into my office and here's the story they tell a sitdown husband and wife been married six months a year, maybe longer. And they say this is that you know lawn. The husband talks the wife goes, he said, before we were married we had great sex. I mean, we then and and then we got married and we got legal and you would think it would've been even better. But he says I don't know what's happened all of a sudden it's like she's gotten frigid. I mean all of a sudden it's like she hates exiting.

All of a sudden it's like she can't respond to me anymore.

By this time using the ladies and tears in his design and understand what the problem is she does neither.

I'll tell you what the problem is the problem is the baggage that those two people brought in the marriage together. See see a woman needs to feel clean and a woman needs to feel right and a woman needs to feel respected in order to give herself properly, sexually men were different. All we need to function properly, sexually, is just a little cleavage and were good to go there when women are not that way guys and the problem with this woman sitting in my office is very simple.

This is a woman who has taken the guilt that she felt about having sex before they got married and she's repressive she has stuffed it and now it's coming back to harder, she told herself. Well, she knew premarital sex was wrong.

She knew I was in God's plan, but she stopped and said what we love each other and would get married and if we get married it's really okay and she just stuffed it down and did it and now she's married and now all of a sudden all of this guilt is coming back to haunt her and you don't get ridiculed by stuffing it you can confess it and you can be forgiven that work but you don't get rid of it by stuffing it and it crops up. Sometimes in the weirdest places. One of them is in sexual dysfunction and now she's sitting around all day thinking as a married woman. How could he do this to me. I mean, I feel used.

You know how can I trust this man to be my spiritual leader. How can I trust him to be the spiritual model for my children if he didn't respect me enough while we were dating to respect God's standards then then what do you know how can I trust him to ever uphold God's standards and on and on and on and let me tell you some you get a woman starting to think like this you can have sexual problem, big time. That's why tell guys guys I hold you responsible as a Christian man I hold you responsible for the sexual behavior of the relationship before marriage is a long time… There takes two to tango. I know it does. I know it does. But I still believe God's plan is a God holds the man responsible for godly standard-setting godly standards for dating relationship godly standards for a marriage godly standards for home. I believe that I tell guys all the time.

If you want to have a sex life after you get married that will blow the streetlights out in front of your house.

Let me tell you how to do that. The biggest favor you can do for yourself. Pal is to keep your hands off that woman until you get married you let her walk down that aisle feeling clean you let her walk down that aisle feeling right about herself, you let her walk down that aisle feeling pure and even after you get married you treat her with respect and affection and dignity and honor, and I'm telling you fellows when you get in bed with her. She will roll you like dice you don't have a thing to worry about. Trust me and you know what I may guys and gals do that I marry, I make him sign a contract. Some of you heard me talk about this contract. I make him sign a contract that will keep it clean and I make the guy reported to me every single week and tell me whether they kept it clean on the consignment like a legal document know the first part of it. The first part of it is no touching below the neck always get some guy was estimate does not mean we can hold hands and left-hander Bob Barnett smart Alec.

No, I say to him you know exactly what it means not only to interpret this for you know changing clothes at one another's house. No sleeping over your girlfriends out. I flipped on the Romanian inmate needed but when you walk out at 7 AM. The neighbors are going to think that you got a responsibility to protect that young Christian woman's reputation with her neighbors to get up, take your lazy old body home and sleep in your own bed at night.

That's the way it ought to work and you know what I tell people I say listen, even if it's only for a few weeks, even if it's only for a couple of months that we can change and stop this and help that woman feel clean and right and pure. When she comes down the aisle. It's worth the effort. Believe me, it's worth you one last thing, and I'm done. You say will lawn what if I've already blown. I mean, what if, you know, the horse is already out the barn man me what you know what will I do then well let me tell you something ladies and guys, it is never too late to reclaim your integrity never and the wonderful thing about God is when we come back to God and we confess our sin and were serious about making a U-turn in some area of our life. The wonderful thing about God is not only does God forgive our sin, he does that.

The Bible says he takes our sin and he casted in the deepest part of the sea. That's wonderful. But not only does God take our sin away. You know the other wonderful part. God takes the guilt away and makes you feel clean and fresh and new. When I came to Jesus Christ at the age of 21 having had all of that sexual experience including having murdered my own child and I laid it all at the foot of the cross and said God I want to reclaim my integrity. I'm telling you, God made me feel like a new person like a virgin all over again and salon. I'll give you a fresh start. Let's do it right this time and got to do the same thing for you. The Bible says God will make up to you for the years the locusts of the and over the 28 years I've been a Christian. I have watch God do that for me and God will do it for you if you just letting appear here tonight and in a salon for ice too late for me it's never too late for you my friend tonight you can start and say God I want to make a U-turn in that area my life tonight. I mean business and with your help, God we are starting to live with integrity in this area of our life. That means I lose my boyfriend letting go the means I lose my girlfriend let ago doesn't matter. God is more important for me to live a life of integrity in the clean and light before you in my boyfriend or girlfriend can handle it or any future boyfriend or girlfriend can handle it. That's not the boyfriend or girlfriend for me anyway. If I'm serious about my walk with God but Sprague. What I have vowed in her eyes close tonight and nobody looking around. Please, if you're here and you would like to do exactly what we just talked about you like to reclaim your integrity tonight in this area of your life before God.

I want you to take a moment's were quiet were silence.

I want you to tell God that I want you to bring that area of your life to the foot of the cross. I want you to hand it over to God and I want you in exchange for it to not only accept God's forgiveness tonight to accept his cleansing and his freedom from guilt and if you're serious and you mean business.

God will do this for you. So if you need to do that. Let's take a moment and silently right where you said you tell God or Jesus. I am so grateful that you didn't leave us here on this planet to try to decide the values and the standards that we should have in some of these very potent areas of life such as sexuality, but that you've given us a clear plan, a clear outline of the moral boundaries that you have for us. The moral boundaries inside of which we will be happy, fulfilled and protected Lord my prayer tonight is that you would speak very strongly to the hearts of each of these young folks were here facing enormous pressures to live outside the boundaries you sent God you would give them the strength and the courage and conviction and the dedication to you that they need to stay in those boundaries, and Lord for those who strayed outside and come back to you tonight and said God restore my integrity. Take away the guilt I pray you would do that. I love the invitation you give us come let us reason together, says the Lord, even though your sins are red is scarlet you can be white as snow. So Lord for people who come to you tonight wanting to make a U-turn in their life.

You make them white as snow.

Thank you for that power you have not only to forgive clans and to heal and to make new do that for many people here tonight. I pray father who come to you and asked for. I pray this in Jesus name