"The Quicksand of Relationships"

This is on Solomon and I like to welcome you to our program today. You know it's a tremendous honor the God's given us to be on stations all around the nation bringing the truth of God's word as it is uncompromising and straightforward and I'm so glad you tuned in to listen and be part of that. Thanks again for your support and your generosity that keeps us on the radio and now let's get to the word of God, are my out of God feel about sex, so I don't know never really thought about that and if we are questioned. No, it's not a rear question I want you to take a Bible I want you to open it together to the book of Proverbs Proverbs chapter 5 and look with me if you would, in verse 18 it said, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.

Verse 19. May her breasts always satisfy you. May you ever be captivated.

The word literally means intoxicated, drunk in her love know what is God talking about here, God is talking about a man in a woman's sexual relationship. He's talking about a man and a woman really getting into it sexually and what he is saying here is that this really pleases him.

You know the common view of God when it comes to sexual relationship is that God is the ultimate killjoy in the universe that he is like some sort of super non-but just for fun up there in heaven and just says no no no no you don't. Not my university don't but that is not God. That is not dotted all my friends, God it, although it may come as a shock to many people. God is a God and sex pleases. This God listen when you have kids when you when you grow up, get married, you have children, me tell you something. Don't you ever tell your children, don't you ever even imply to your children that sex is dirty or sex is bad, you know why because they'll believe you and you will lay a curse on them that they will struggle. The rest of their life to overcome many of you were told that when you grew up and friends. I'm telling you that that is wrong.

It's a lie. Got you tell him that God says that sex is good, but sex is beautiful. That sex is pleasing to God. You tell him that God is all for sex, so long as you use it God's way. If they see there.

I knew there was a catch to this somewhere will there's a little one as long as you use it God's way. Now what is God's way. Well, sex has rules.

It's not like Howard Stern feels it's not a free-for-all there's some rules to this day. Hebrews chapter 13 verse four. Listen, it says marriage is honorable and the marriage bed is pure or undefiled God's boundary for sex God's way of using sex is in this relationship, called marriage and it all relates to God's goal for marriage. Remember in the Old Testament God said if you hear that most wedding Anna for a man shall leave his father and his mother and he shall cleave to his wife and here it is, and the two of them shall become, you know what don't you what one flesh, and my friends God's plan for sex is that it be the highest expression that let it be the deepest way of communicating this one flesh experience there it is in that sexual relationship between a wife and a husband. And yes, it's true.

The children are born from the sexual union. But that is completely secondary sex sex library function of sex is to enrich and give expression to this one flesh intimacy to pull a man and a wife together in a way like nothing else does to deepen their intimacy to enrich their communication and to get to know your partner in a way that nothing else reveals your partner's heart and soul to you. Think about it for second sex is the only thing in the world that a husband and a wife do for each other that God allows nobody else to do. Jeffrey think about that.

Think about it for second if you get married.

God would be perfectly happy if somebody else washes your spouse's close, it would be it would make God perfectly happy if somebody else fixes your spouse's meals. Somebody else can vacuum your spouses for somebody else can wash your spouse's car somebody else can even floss your spouse's teeth. If they want to, but there is one thing God says nobody else does with your spouse but you and that's have sex and you know why because there is nobody else in the universe that has become one flesh with that spouse, but you that since and that expression of being one flesh together the sexual relationship is reserved for people who have made this commitment and are in the process of that intimate relationship called marriage were you become one flesh. Marriage is the fence that God has put around sex and use inside that fence. Sex is wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, fulfilling use outside of that fence sex is destructive and causes pain and heartache in people's lives.

Is it will all I hear what you're saying.

I do but but you know I got some good reasons why you should have sex before marriage is a really I do. Okay love to hear.

Let's hear. I got three or four long given to me. Number one. Sex is normal sex is natural law. Sex is environmental. I mean it's like a green thing you know what I'm saying.

I mean dogs doing monkeys doing tax due with and they attached nor no moral overtones to this thing. No right and wrong to it. They don't have to worry about getting love and marriage.

So why should we, I mean like Tina Turner said what's love got to do with it.

This is just an environmental thing that everybody so why do you have to come along and lay all these moral overtones.

One. Where is the answer when not like monkeys. God didn't create us to be like dogs and cats. See if you believe this, you bought into a model of all of the universe that God says is incorrect and evolutionary model of the universe that says all we are just fire developed forms of dogs and cats and monkeys, so why should we do anything different than they do. That's not what God says in the Bible at all. God says that in the image of God he made us. He never says that about a single creature on the face of the earth, except human beings and by being made in the image of God.

We are distinct we are different we are set apart from every other kind of creature on this earth, meaning that we have a spirit that can connect with God and living relationship.

No animal has that it means that we have a conscience that tells us when we have stepped across the moral boundaries that God has set for us as people made in his image.

Cats and dogs don't have that and when it comes to sex my friends, God has set a moral standard, one that our conscience testifies to and love and marriage, and that commitment has everything to do with it. So I got another one.

Okay, what's that, I agree love is important.

I agree long, but we are in love. So there's nothing wrong with us doing it because we were in love will have a very simple response to that.

If you're in love enough to have sex then you're in love enough to get married. And if you're not in love enough and if you're not committed enough to get married and I say to you, you're not in love enough and commit enough yet to have sex. It's pretty simple disabled long week.

We here at my next one is, therefore, we are in love and were planning to get married. We really are, but we want to sleep together first. But we want to live together first to make sure that we are compatible. I've even had guys say to me before God said to me one time. He said when you know you tried on ski boots before you take him on the slope I feel about the girls you this is not about ski boots. This is about a relationship with another human being right ladies and any and so I've had many people say to me very sincere. You know, with all the divorce in the world today. We don't want to end up like that. So so we're just making sure that the chemistry is right were just making sure that we are where good match and we got a good shot at making it together that were compatible and once we lived together for a while and sleep together for a while and were sure were compatible. That will feel the odds are better for us to get married. I got news for you.

You put any two sinners under a roof. They will never be compatible because were all selfish. Compatibility is a myth. It's a myth of Hollywood doesn't exist there's no such thing.

Yet others is such a thing as people get along and liking each other and being attracted to each other but you will never find two human beings that are compatible. I've been married for 24 years. I am a veteran of trench warfare.

I have been down there with the mustard gas I have out all my my suit to protect me from the atomic radiation friends. I know what it's like to be in the trenches and I'm telling you after 24 years of being married. Brenda and I are totally incompatible, completely incompatible and I have given up all hope that we will ever be compatible is not going to happen. So what and how the world did you guys make it hard you hung together for 24 years has nothing to do with compatibility.

It has to do with commitment, we got married we said divorce is not an option.

Jesus Christ and the two of us will work it out. Whatever it is and that's why were still together 24 years later.

Listen marriages don't work because of some sort of mystical compatibility. Marriage is the work because you have two people who are committed to each other who are committed to Jesus Christ, and more committed to working it out regardless of what happens to get this foolish notion of compatibility friends besides living together is not going to make it. You any have any greater odds of making I got an article out of USA Today. It's called cohabiting doesn't secure the not listen how the article begins practice doesn't necessarily make perfect and an error when living together is often a prelude to marriage evidence is mounting that the experience is no guarantee of wedded bliss. In fact, if you live together before marriage. The odds are that you will divorce those odds are higher than if you had never shared the toothpaste beforehand and here's a quote almost all studies show a higher divorce rate for those who cohabiting those who do not. One study shows up to a 50% greater chance of divorce of couples that live together.

Forget about living together is not going to increase your odds and you are never going to be compatible with the person you married, so I think will happen anyway. That's not why marriages stay together you still long. I got one more quick go-ahead is my last if I don't sleep with guys I'll never hold on anybody. I mean, you don't understand what it's like out there. The kind of pressure.

The guys put on you out there gals appear sick looking. I wanted tell you something. The kind of guy that you have to sleep with in order to keep is a guy you don't need to hold onto you understand what I'm saying to you, honey.

What kind of commitment level can you count on from that kind of guy. What about when you get pregnant. And what about when you have a child and you can have sex for weeks ahead of the birth and weeks after the birth. So what's he going to do then what's he going to do what about when you get sick or maybe you have to have a hysterectomy you have to have some other kind of surgery or maybe become injured and you can have sex. I mean, what's he going to do is to go to say well I'm sorry you know if you carefully been made of things overall data here will categorize if you want a guy like this as a Christian woman. You need to tell that gotta get lost and you need to trust God to lead you to a godly man, a young man of God who will honor what God says about the waiter run sex and relationship, and you heard me say many times, but it deserves to be said again, there are worse things than being single all your life and one of them is to be married to a jerk the understand you don't want this God is God is their will on I hear what you're saying but give me some good reasons.

On the positive side, why should I do it God's way, why, why should I respect these moral guidelines of God is given me for sexual relationship. Let me give you a couple of thoughts number one number one because you can catch some really nasty stuff. If you don't some nasty stuff. I mean there's some nasty stuff out there. I mean the sexually-transmitted diseases herpes for which by the way, you probably know, there is no cure your havoc. The rest of your life and you'll infect anybody that you have sex with. Not to mention HIV and AIDS. Let me tell you a second reason why we are doing God's way. It's because sex complicates dating relationships. If you're in a dating relationship and you let sex get involved.

Let me tell you what's gonna happen. Not only is he gonna make it more complicated but it's also going to set the stage for you to make a very bad decision and choice possibly regarding American parties there when I was at connect will listen. Once sex gets involved in a relationship. It's harder to evaluate the relationship before long the physical starts taking over and dominating the relationship and the really important things that you ought to be talking about the really important things that you ought to be focusing on like character like conflict resolution, like communication, like do you share the same values. Like to hear what is your walk with God like like you know how to handle disagreements. All these things that are central to making a marriage successful.

They all got off the window and all you want to do is have sex and you don't even pay attention to these things, and the result is really easy to make bad decision about a marriage partner. Could you not talking about, and you're not focusing on the right things you're focusing on sex and that is not what you ought to be focusing on in a dating relationship. And even if you do decide to break up men.

Once sex is involved, it makes it really difficult and really painful and a lot more complicated because there's guilt involved in this hurt involved in this embarrassment involved in the two of you end up walking away, both feeling like wounded people. I can't tell you how many girls I've had in my office with said to me in one form or another. You know, if I had not slept with him. This would be a lot easier if I had had sex with him. I could walk away from this with no problem but because I slept with the God. This is just a lot more complicated lawn than it has to be she's right you want to keep your dating life less complicated.

You want to keep it less painful.

You want to keep it less risky of ending up with a bad marriage.

Let me tell you what to do you keep sex out of it so you can focus and major on the majors one more final reason why you're doing God's way is the premarital sex results in baggage and even if you do get married, you take into the marriage with you, you know, first Corinthians chapter 6 is this and you don't have to turn their but here's what it says it says that every other sin that a person commits is outside of their body, but the person who commits premarital sex or sexual sin of any kind sins against their own bodies along was that mean I don't know. I don't know exactly what it means but I know at least this much it means that sexual sin is different, more serious than any other kind of sin we commit more serious offense than stealing more serious than why more serious than speeding on the Beltway it's more serious because it does things to us emotionally and psychologically, and virtually that are much more damaging than the average. Soon, and that baggage that damage doesn't go away just because you get married. I've had many many couples in the 18 years I've been a pastor come into my office and here's the story they tell they sit down, husband and wife been married six months a year, maybe longer. And they say this is that you know lawn. The husband talks the wife goes, he said, before we were married we had great sex, I mean we did and and then we got married and we got legal and you would think it would've been even better.

But he said he he he says I don't know what's happened all of a sudden it's like she's gotten frigid.

I mean all of a sudden it's like she hates exiting. All of a sudden it's like she can't respond to me anymore. By this time using the ladies and tears in his honor and understand what the problem she does need I'll tell you what the problem is the problem is the baggage that those two people brought in the marriage together.

See see a woman needs to feel clean and a woman needs to feel right and a woman needs to feel respected in order to give herself properly, sexually men were different. All we need to function properly, sexually, is just a little cleavage and were good to go.

You understand that women are not that way guys and the problem with this woman sitting in my office is very simple. This is a woman who has taken the guilt that she felt about having sex before they got married and she's the restive she has stuff to and now it's coming back to harder, she told herself.

Well, she knew premarital sex was wrong.

She knew it was in God's plan, but she stopped and said what we love each other and were getting married and if we get married it's really okay and she just stuffed it down and did it and now she's married and now all of a sudden all of this guilt is coming back to haunt her and you don't get ridiculed by stuffing it you can confess it and you can be forgiven that works but you don't get rid of it by stuffing it and it crops up. Sometimes in the weirdest places.

One of them is in sexual dysfunction and now she's sitting around all day thinking as a married woman. How could he do this to me. I mean, I feel used. You know how can I trust this man to be my spiritual leader. How can I trust him to be the spiritual model for my children if he didn't respect me enough while we were dating to respect God's standards then then what do you know how can I trust him to ever uphold God's standards and on and on and on and let me tell you some you get a woman starting to think like this you can have sexual problem, big time, and I tell guys all the time. If you want to have a sex life after you get married that will blow the streetlights out in front of your house. Let me tell you how to do that. The biggest favor you can do for yourself. Pal is to keep your hands off that woman until you get married you let her walk down that aisle feeling clean you let her walk down that aisle feeling right about herself, you let her walk down that aisle feeling pure and even after you get married you treat her with respect and affection and dignity and honor, and I'm telling you fellas. When you get in bed with her.

She will roll you like dice you don't have a thing to worry about. Trust me, one last thing, and I'm done using the long.

What if I've already blown. I mean, what if you know the horse is already out the barn Mamy what you know what will I do then will let me taste some ladies and guys, it is never too late to reclaim your integrity never and the wonderful thing about God is when we come back to God and we confess our sin and were serious about making a U-turn in some area of our life. The wonderful thing about God is not only does God forgive our sin, he does that.

The Bible says he takes our sin and he casted in the deepest part of the sea. That's wonderful.

But not only does God take our sin away.

You know the other wonderful part.

God takes the guilt away and makes you feel clean and fresh and new. When I came to Jesus Christ at the age of 21 having had all of that sexual experience including having murdered my own child and I laid it all at the foot of the cross and said God I want to reclaim my integrity.

I'm telling you, God made me feel like a new person like a virgin all over again and salon. I'll give you a fresh start. Let's do it right this time and I'll do the same thing for you.

The Bible says God will make up to you for the years the locusts of the and over the 28 years I've been a Christian.

I have watch God do that for me and God will do it for you if you just letting appear here tonight and unite salon for ice too late for me it's never too late for you my friend tonight you can start and say God I want to make a U-turn in that area my life tonight.

I mean business and with your help, God we are starting to live with integrity in this area of our life. That means I'll lose my boyfriend letting go the means I'll lose my girlfriend let ago doesn't matter. God is more important for me to live a life of integrity and be clean and light before you in my boyfriend or girlfriend can handle it or any future boyfriend or girlfriend can handle it. That's not the boyfriend or girlfriend for me anyway. If I'm serious about my walk with God or Jesus. I am so grateful that you didn't leave us here on this planet to try to decide the values and the standards that we should have in some of these very potent areas of life such as sexuality, but that you've given us a clear plan, a clear outline of the moral boundaries that you have for us. The moral boundaries inside of which we will be happy, fulfilled, protected Lord my prayer tonight is that you would speak very strongly to the hearts of each of these young folks were here facing enormous pressures to live outside the boundaries set God you would give them the strength and the courage, conviction, and the dedication to you that they need to stay in those boundaries, and Lord for those who strayed outside and come back to you tonight and said God restore my integrity. Take away the guilt I pray you would do that. I love the invitation you give us come let us reason together, says the Lord, even though your sins are red is scarlet you can be white as snow. So Lord for people who come to you tonight wanting to make a U-turn in their life.

You make them white as snow.

Thank you for that power you have not only to forgive clans to heal and to make new do that for many people here tonight.

I pray father come to you and ask for. I pray this in Jesus name given listening to 11 Dr. Lon Solomon said, when is an outrage. Lon Solomon ministry to listen to today's message, or for more information visit our website.

Lon Solomon ministries.org. Thank you for your support. If you would like to contact us, please visit our website or call us at 866788777 we had people join us next time in line to answer one of life's mission question