A Destructive Secret Part 2

One reason for us. Jesus phone number for the family is in trouble. External influences and our internal spire to wreak havoc on those we love, or claim to love abuse within families is an epidemic today to deal with one secret. People will do anything to keep the Moody Church in Chicago this morning to win with Dr. Erwin Sir was clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line after leaks or our Christian homes immune to the kind of abuse you describe in today's message Dave.

I wish the answer to your question were yes indeed Christian homes are immune. But I'd be lying simple fact is, I've known Christian homes where there is plenty of abuse. Sometimes it is verbal. Sometimes it is the abuse of neglect. Sometimes it is physical.

The truth is this that children often times grow up and repeat the experiences they had while growing up.

And so abuse runs along family lines. But the reason that this message is so important is people need to understand that that cycle can be broken no matter your past no matter how much you have been abused or even if you are an abuser.

There is help, but you need to receive that help and be willing to pay any price to overcome what is happening in your life and by the way, for a gift of any amount. These messages can be yours. The series is entitled reclaiming the family. Here's what you do to connect with us. Go to RTW offer.com RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337 thanks in advance for helping us get these messages to thousands upon thousands. Let's listen carefully and yes wives can be sexually abused in the marriage as well. You know, via self righteous determines of self absorbed man and then child abuse of all different kinds. Remember this, that in the mind of someone like this. Everything is totally justified his roots go down very very deeply in the soil of rage and he is convinced that what he is doing is absolutely right. As I mentioned, that the world is out of shape. He sees himself as probably the last arrow left that is really really straight and everybody had better shape up. Furthermore, his conscience has been deadened because you see in his mind what he saying is this when I was growing up I had my own pain. Why should I worry about the pain of anyone else. I got my own agenda who was there for me when I was growing up busy and rather than allowing his past pain to humble him and to make him tenderhearted it is done the opposite. It has made him very hardhearted and very very indifferent to the plight of those who are in need. Well, I've given you a brief outline of abuse you say will what is really the cause.

What lies behind why why are there people like this will almost always you know it does go back to childhood. Huge abandonment issues the feeling that I was abandoned and therefore I have a right to mistreat others. They don't think of that of course is mistreatment and so what happens is this child grows up powerless.

If he's been abused. He grows up powerless and and thinking to himself.

Someday when I'm stronger than my dad someday when I'm stronger than those around me. I'm going to find a somewhat weak person may not be thinking of that consciously and I will show them a thing or two. I will show them who is the boss. I can't emphasize too strongly that just because you were abused as a child that does not mean that you have to turn out that way. In fact, the whole purpose of this message in the messages to follow is to break the cycle is to break the curse but without help from God without seeking help at all.

You have a tendency to re-create what happened to you and so it goes from family to family and there it is one quarter of all baby girls born this year will be abused sexually by a father by mother. Maybe by a babysitter by an uncle by someone it's out there and it's terrible and it's everywhere and maybe even if there isn't abuse in the home. All that you need to do is to grow up with a sense of inferiority, and now you want to really prove who's boss take Kane in the Old Testament.

I don't think that Adam and Eve abused Kane and Abel Lewis Keynes problem. While firstborn characteristics, certainly, but here here's this here's this brother of his, you know, and his brother is acceptable to God and he offers a more acceptable sacrifice and gains his way to mom and I worked at my sacrifice to just the product of hard work and furthermore may be Adam and Eve began to favor able just a little bit because he seemed to be more compliant and so what Kane is saying is I can't stand this anymore. I can put up with somebody like that. Who's making me look bad. What I'm going to do is to show who's boss here and he did show who was boss by killing him study the profile of all of the children in our schools who have committed murder, taken guns to school and blown others away, you'll always find the sense of powerlessness. The sense of humiliation.

The sense of being put down the sense of being II didn't get a right shake in life and others are up there and they don't deserve what they're getting, and if they deserved it.

I deserve it all the more you have the sense I'm not obviously I'm not absolving them of responsibility. I'm just saying that it is this feeling that causes the deep rage that turns into the two kinds of anger that the Bible speaks of through mouse violent.

I'm going to get it off my chest and I'm going to do it our or the cunning kind of anger of where you're going to plot revenge you think of all those students who who for weeks.

Plot the murder that they are going to commit and they pride themselves as being fully in control. So the question of course is at this point what is the answer. Wouldn't it be terrible if the message ended here when I just be awful if we said, well, that's all I have to say today so God have a good day. Enjoy brunch and then go home. What is the answer. Paul Hagstrom in his book angry men and women who love them tells his own story. Here he is nine years old he's molested by a man in the neighborhood. Paul himself grew up in a Christian home.

His father, a pastor, but here now the boy has this terrible secret, and he cannot share it with his parents because you just don't talk about things like that right. Parents I say this with love, wake up. Your kids should be able to talk about such things, you should tell them no matter what anybody does.

Do you no matter what happens to the first person that you tell is awesome no matter how we intimidate you, no matter how he chose is going to kill you. You always come to us first out any thing so here's a nine-year-old boy. What does he do he makes up a story and he says to his mother.

Mother if David down the street were molested. Now here's a nine-year-old boy talking. He may have used a different word but he got the point across. He said, would you say about him smothers at all. If that were to happen to him that he would be a market boy you couldn't play with him because you must realize that he would know things that no boy at his age should ever know.

So so you know he he would not be he would not be a boy. You want to play with. She does not know that David in the story is her own son at the age of nine he grows up now living with this destructive secret and he begins to develop. These are his words, the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality.

He woos and wins a lovely woman by the name of Judy. Judy has no idea she thinks this is Prince charming. Remember and she gets married and on the honeymoon.

Remember someone like that is going to hold who he really is until he's got his victim trapped on the honeymoon suddenly becomes angry violently. She sang boy. I hope that this was an anomaly, but it isn't so. She puts up with it a while and for 3 1/2 years.

They divorce. He goes for counseling is being counseled for 3 1/2 years after that they got remarried and the book that he wrote was written 15 years after the second time they were married and he said in the book that, to the glory of God not once in 15 years has there ever been any abuse in his home and in his family. So the question is this.

The question is this how you get from point A to point B. I can't summarize the whole book, but I shall speak and of course I shall speak biblically.

Jesus said the truth sets you free.

By the way, you know it.

If that little nine-year-old let's change the scenario.

Let's oppose that little nine-year-old boy having happened to them. What did in the neighborhood.

What if he'd been able to go to mom and dad say mom and dad, you won't believe what this man did.

But this happen and this happen until the whole story. Couple of things would happen. First of all, that man might've received some just desserts for his pedophilia. But secondly if they'd of affirmed them and said you know your precious to God and and the reason that Jesus died is because of the scars and the guilt and and the condemnation that you feel is not from God. That's just your own way to process this. But there is forgiveness and there's healing. Think of how different his life would've ended up but when you can't tell your secret you don't know what to do with it alone.

So the truth sets us free.

First of all truth about ourselves. I speak now to those of you who are abusers you need to face the truth in your own heart, that your your abandonment issues.

Your pain is much deeper than you ever realize you may have dealt with this superficially, but in the presence of God what you need to do is to pray and say search me oh God, I know my heart and try me and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting exposed to me. Oh God, those things that I have hidden from you.

Those sin that exist since of rejection. The feeling of rejection of anger and rage in this deep feeling that I have been done and in justice.

Help me to uncover all that in the name of Jesus and in the presence of God. And that's why counseling sometimes is very important because when a counselor does is if he's wise, when the presence of God and the Scriptures and the Holy Spirit. That counselor can help you surface surface things that are in your heart that you don't even realize they're there until you begin to talk it through with someone because the roots can often go very deep, so you need to know some truth about yourself. Secondly, you need to know some truth about others. The reason that God gives us the body of Christ is so that we can share our pain, we have to say no to the kind of shame that would hold us bound and here I speak now to you mother's please take this from my heart to yours, would you if there is abuse going on in your home by your husband or anyone else and you say to yourself I have to play the game because I can't split up the family, etc. etc. that is a wrong move and let me tell you why. I remember a young woman saying I can forgive the evil things that my father did to me.

I cannot forgive my mother who knew it was going on and did nothing. I encourage you today. In Jesus name. Do something. That's why in our bulletin today. There is a confidential hotline that the women of this church have set up, and these women, who will answer that phone will not only be confidential, but they will know how to instruct you. They are trained. If you feel that you can't go to anyone else call that hotline. Find out what your options are.

Get help.

Do not allow your children to be destroyed and say nothing.

I don't know how I can save more clearly than that the body of Jesus Christ exists for all of our benefits because in telling our secrets in going for help in in finding that others have gone through it.

We've gone through and their situation was far worse. And yet there was hope and healing and help as we see in the life of a Dorie Van Stone, hope and healing and help is contagious in the presence of others.

So you have to know something about others and in the process God is going to give you the grace to fulfill this verse of Scripture, be tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. There is going to have to be away in which you lay it all down, lay down the bitterness.

The sense of injustice. The rage that you feel because of the abuse that you've experienced.

Remember that. Finally, and most important, I want you today to see a brand-new picture of God. I want you to see God is in knowing God to the woman who says to me.

Pastor Luther did Jesus see the abuse that I had as a child. The answer is yes, Jesus saw it, but why didn't he intervene. I can't answer that completely. But what if what if he wanted to use you as an example of redemptive grace. What if you wanted to use you as an example of somebody winter all this horror and yet believes in Jesus and and believes in the healing of the emotions through Christ. I don't have a complete answer, but I know he sought. You need to have a new vision about seeing knowing God. You also need a new vision of a caring God. The Scripture says that he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. How does he do it. Does he take Band-Aids and put a Band-Aid here and a Band-Aid there know what he wants us to do is to go into the inside of us as we as we lay all of our burdens that his feet and all of our unanswered question and then receive from him the grace. The grace that he promises to the destitute and to the needy and knowing God a caring God. I also want you to be introduced today to a feeling God see what somebody is saying today is there listening to this message as well.

It's wonderful that God knows it's wonderful. Even that he cares what I'd really like to know is has he ever felt what I felt and the answer most assuredly is that in Jesus. He had Jesus was abuse. Surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows, yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised, we could say I abused for our iniquities the chastisement that would give us peace fell upon him, and with his stripes we are healed physical healing.

Yes, someday in the future when we get are resurrected bodies healing for our emotions right now. Yes, he bore our griefs. He carried our sorrows. The Scripture assures us that he is one who is deeply touched by the feelings of our infirmities at the grave of Lazarus, Jesus wept. And if you had looked at his tears and analyze them, they'd of been the human tears that he wept for those who were in the morning he is touched, touched by your grief today. And yet he's not only able to be touched into standby, he is there to help you to work through the pain that you can say this is past healing has begun. Scars remain but a scar means that the wound is no longer open. It is healing. He heals are broken hearts so I invite you today to come to Jesus as somebody was never trusted them a savior because he will give you the two things nobody else can the forgiveness of sin, but also the acceptance she don't have to be this person who says I'm making my own way in the world, he will give you the acceptance that your heart craves in the presence of God and Jesus will do that for you for the those of you have never trusted and for those of you who have trusted him. But there's a corner of your lives, but is never really been opened. There are secrets to deep perhaps to ever share would you expose it all to the one who said come all ye who are weary and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest in his presence. It's safe to cry in his presence.

You have acceptance through him. Would you join me as we pray father in Jesus name. Who are we to get into the human heart. Who are we able to see within to see the hidden pain in the secrets and the and the deep disappointment and others. Parents who should have protected their children violating husbands who are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, lording it over them we ask today. In Jesus name would you bring healing to all who heard this message would you bring healing to our families and we pray that this destructive secret main. The secret no longer help those father who were terrified at this message because they don't know where to go for help.

Help them to know that there are women in this church who have experienced deep hurt in their own lives were willing to help them and the hotline that we provided for them. We ask that many Lord shall take advantage of your people, and that in your blessed presence. The healing may begin.

In Jesus name, amen.

This is Pastor Luther and of course I want to emphasize that if you are experiencing abuse or if you are an abuser, go to your church. Find help their people there who can direct you to those who can help you more immediately and more thoroughly. But what ever happens in your home. If there is abuse as I emphasized in the message. Stop it.

You know were living in a society were often times these kinds of things are hidden and the destruction just goes on and on from one generation to another.

Challenge yourself and say to yourself, I will not allow this to continue to happen and pray to God for those steps that are necessary to make that promise come true now, even as you listen to this message, you probably said to yourself I know a family or a person who should be able to hear these messages based on a series entitled reclaiming the family for a gift of any amount. These messages can be yours that I want to emphasize that because you might want to listen to them again and again.

Perhaps you want to listen to them within a small group and then have a discussion. The series is entitled reclaiming the family and we are anxious to be able to send you CDs of these messages as a resource to help you, and these messages can be yours for a gift of any amount. Here's what you do go to RTW offer.com that's RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337 I'm going to be giving you that contact info again because you might not have had time to get a pencil and write down this contact information.

This is so critical. I believe very deeply that these messages can be transforming for you and to all who listen. The series is entitled reclaiming the family and here once again you can go to RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337 and as you think about this ministry. Thanks in advance for helping us financially because together we are making a difference in the blessing that we have been to you is being multiplied because of your faithfulness as you hold our hands to get these messages to thousands upon thousands. You can write to us running to when 1635 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL 60614.

Next time, okay, starting of the dysfunctional Bible family. Don't miss the saga of King David, or Dr. Erwin loser this is Dave Alister running to win is sponsored by the teacher