Healing From Abuse Part 1

One reason for us.

Jesus phoned her dark secret and all too many families his abuse takes several forms. Verbal and physical even sexual abuse is incalculable. Both the abuse as well as the abuser today what to do if you are a victim or victimizer from the Moody Church in Chicago this was clear. Teaching helps us get across Esther lutes or just about fighting for your family. There may be no more insidious danger than parents and relatives abusing young people having fed their lusts on the Internet all day. That's absolutely true and we live in a time of great darkness. Darkness because of the Internet.

Of course, people always say that things have always been dark and that's true to some extent, but we are facing challenges that no other generation has ever faced. And that's why this series of messages is so important and that's why marriage is so important. Rebecca and I've had the privilege of being married for 50 years and we'd like to make available to you our story.

It's entitled the story of our marriage. 50 years of God's faithfulness for a gift of any amount. It can be yours. Here's what you do go to RTW offer.com that's RTW offer.com or if you prefer you can call us at 1-888-218-9337 that's 1-888-218-9337 and that we go to the pulpit of Moody church were we continue our discussion of the family and issues that need resolution is charming, helpful, appears to be generous willing to commit himself. The kind of man that many people think that you ought to marry you do notice that sometimes he does things for you that make you feel uncomfortable, but after all you're thankful for the attention, such as it is. And furthermore, as you stop to think about it and that you begin to reflect you do notice that he is somewhat controlling but it's nice to be loved by a man who seems to take charge. That's a welcome relief. The problem is that as time goes on, you begin to discover that he's very controlling and that your opinion doesn't matter that much because he always knows what is best and he knows what should be done.

Something else that gives you a bit of pause and that is the fact that he speaks disparagingly of his own parents and you notice that everybody seems to have wronged him and then you notice that he even speaks disparagingly of your own family and that that becomes very important and will be very important. After you're married because he's going to want to separate you from your family, but he tells you that you alone understand them. You're not like everybody else out there and so it is he perhaps pressures you sexually did you begin to think all manner like that will by the way all men aren't like that but you begin to think that that's maybe somewhat normal and so you commit and you marry him and what you don't understand is he's not interested in a partner. He's interested in someone whom he can control someone whom he can possess. That's really what is interested in and then you see his dark side.

First of all, it is verbal putdowns as he tries to minimize you as he tries to criticize you and make sure that you know that he is so much superior in you are so foolish, and maybe even stupid. And then he begins to tell you you're just like the rest of them. After all, you are not the woman that I thought you were going to be, then perhaps his temper gets the best of him and you begin to notice that it is physical abuse he slaps you and you hope that it will be the only time in he may actually ask forgiveness.

Of course he will remind you that you made me slap you. So the good news is he might ask forgiveness and when he does he is genuinely sorry the bad news is it won't change anything. He will do it again. Then when you have children. Perhaps he will abuse them physically, verbally, maybe even sexually welcome to the world of abuse and of course he was a wife. Don't know what to do, who you tell all of your friends think that is such a nice man that if you were to indicate what was going on at home. They'd either call you a liar a or else be. They'd say what kind of a horrible woman are you anyway to make such a nice man act that way because remember his reputation in the neighborhood and in the church is still great. It's not necessary for him to be good but it's very necessary for him to appear good so you don't know who to tell you to know who will even believe you just for the sake of the record here at the Moody church.

If you come to us and tell us that you have been abused or you are being abused. We will leave you keep that in mind well, but I'd like to do today. As you know is to speak about this very difficult topic in a couple of words by way of introduction, first of all, even though I'm going to be speaking about men, primarily as the abusers of course there are women who also abuse their husbands, oftentimes because they are very passive aggressive or in other ways, and of course there are mothers who abuse their children.

But during this message. I can't continually refer to that in remind you of that. Even though it will become apparent as the message continues. Furthermore, this message is not only for the abused, but the abusers when I was a young pastor I would speak to all those who were abused and forget the fact that if it is true that one in four girls will be sexually molested or in some way disparaged by the time she becomes a teenager or older. I used to think to myself right now who is doing all this and then I realize that in a congregation like this and the wider audience that we had well beyond the walls of Moody church. The wider audience. There plenty of people out there who are the abusers and I would speak to you abusers now as I will later and tell you that first of all I care about you. You two are a human being and my desire is that you will be in heaven redeemed by God along with those whom you have abused as a testimony of God's amazing incredible grace.

So I care about you as an individual. Let me tell you about the permitting that we had on Wednesday we were praying about this particular message in this day and I asked if there were any women present who had been abused and we were willing to pray for them and one dear sister began to just pour out her soul so I invited other women to come around and to pray for her and about 15 or 20 perhaps gathered around and then when we are finished praying for her. I asked for other women who had been abused indicate their desire for prayer and was so wonderful to see that in the midst of all of this confession to see these women rally around one another and pray for each other so I'm going to let you know that at the end of this message.

I'm going to give an invitation. Rebecca and I are going to be up here to welcome you.

We have prayer partners more prayer partners than usual because we what we'd like to do is for you to be able to experience the same grace the same outpouring of love and the same prayer support as we had at permitting this past Wednesday. People say to me you know is it difficult for you to preach a message like this in my responses. No, not really. And I'll tell you why I am so excited about the possibility that there are people who are listening to this message. Were going to be helped. I believe that lives are going to be changed forever. As a result of what were going to share today and that excites me.

I have four or five books on abuse and I read only one and that was plenty.

My heart was absolutely broken. As I began to see what happens behind closed doors and I began to think of all of the pain that is out there, but most of us know nothing about. So today it is from my heart to your heart that I speak and I care about you abused and abusers all of us stand in the need of God's marvelous grace I'm going ask you to take your Bibles for a moment and turn to Psalm 147 Psalm 147.

I want to leave you with this promise in the book of Psalms we have these words. Psalm 147. I'm going to pick it up in verse two, Psalm 147 verse two it says the Lord builds up Jerusalem. He gathers the outcasts of Israel course. The Psalm begins by inviting praise to God because he is good, but he gathers the outcasts of Israel.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars he gives to all of them names great is our Lord and abundant in power, his understanding is beyond measure… Up the humble. He cast the wicked to the ground so there you have it.

God binds up the broken hearted. If you are here today and you are brokenhearted God stands ready to bind you up, but his grace does not enter into closed doors. You must let him heal you and that's what we're praying toward in this message well before we get to the healing part I want us to think briefly about a quintessential example of an abuser in the Bible and that is King Saul king Saul is very interesting and you may not have time to turn to this passage because I'm going to look at it very quickly, but test Saul was an amazing man because he had these advantages these strong points. Saul was anointed by God. Chapter 10 verse one of Sam Samuel anointed him and says the Lord's anointing you to be king. Wouldn't you like to be anointed as King while Saul furthermore had the gift of prophecy the spirit of the Lord will rush upon you, said Samuel.

And you will prophesy, you'll be turned into another man and then Saul begins to prophesy under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and the people even ask. This is all in for sandal. Chapter 10 the people even ask is Saul also among the prophets and the answer is yes. Listen to him prophesy. He appeared to be humble later on in the chapter. They are having a coronation.

Samuel gathers the whole crowd to a place called the Miss Bunny said were going to crown our king, lo and behold, is Saul is chosen to be the one round and they can't find him. The Bible says he was hiding behind the baggage that appears to be humility and then when he was brought before the people.

The Bible says he was taller than anyone else and he was impressive in appearance and you know that tall people do have a great advantage over the rest of us.

They are impressive. Often times, in appearance, Saul had all that and then you go to Chapter 11. You can find it there and what do you discover about salty want to great victory for Israel. How would you like to have a king like that and knowing did gift did by God, but there was another card to King Saul.

There was some darkness in his life and we discover this as we look at the Scripture now in first Samuel chapter 18. I know I'm hurrying today but keep in mind that all this is in the text and you can find yourself it says in first Samuel chapter 18 on picking it up in verse six and as they were coming home when David returned from striking down the Philistine, the women came out of the cities of Israel singing and dancing to meet King Saul with trombones and the songs of joy, and musical instruments in the women saying to one another as they celebrated. Saul has struck down his thousands, David is tens of thousands of brother Saul was very angry in the same displeased him. He said they described to me thousands he like that part of the song, but to David tens of thousands and so this man anointed by God, called of God gifted by God tries to kill David.

The very next verse says the spirit from God, a harmful spirit rather from God rest upon Saul. He raved within his house while David was playing the harp as he did, day by day and Saul hurled the spear for your final pin David to the wall. David abated them twice. So there you have it.

The two sides of human nature gifted unknowing to the kind of man that any woman would want to marry an abuser. Even here we learn a couple of things about abuse that might be helpful. How did David handle it. First of all, he decided to run. He didn't say to himself, well, I'm gonna stay here and be a martyr know when the spirit came added.

He dodged it and then he left and when you get to an abuser. Often times, almost every time the best thing to do is to leave, but physical distance between you and your abuser. Because remember, were not dealing with people here who are rational, how would you like to be able to reason with King Saul. This great man who was obsessed with jealousy, demonic jealousy, you can't reason with people like that.

I've a friend who says that you should never wrestle with the pig. First of all, the pig is going to enjoy it.

Number two, you will get dirty and number three the pig might win because he plays by a different set of rule Saul played by a different set of rules.

He put out all of the witches from the land, but when he was in desperation he went to the one which that still was in existence. In other words, what applies to you does not apply to me.

You can't reason with people like that and so what David did is run by the way did any benefit come out of that. David being pursued by Salford and long years. The answer is yes is a book written, entitled the tale of three Kings. That explains that God used this time to take the Saul out of David's heart because David had the potential of being another Saul.

And so God worked in David's life and as a result, we have some Psalms that we have never had if David had not been running from Saul.

For example, Psalm 34 I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth. Many shall hear it in fear.

I sought the Lord and he answered me and heard me and delivered me out of all of my troubles. We've never had those Psalms are at least a half-dozen of them written by David as he was fleeing from Saul God wanted to do something good out of something very evil. Well, the question is how do we begin the healing process as I speak to you as I speak to you today if you want to begin to cry and some of you may do that.

I want you to know that you're welcome to do that and the people next you will understand and that if they don't it's their problem and not yours. However I do remember that some of you may be tempted to leave. I've had that happen when I've spoken on this before and I prefer you not do that. But if you feel that you have to. Why, then, indeed, do so.

I think it would be very appropriate. Before we get into the steps toward healing. If we were to bow our heads and pray one more time that this might be a moment of deliverance for many people who've never faced these issues in their lives before you join me as we pray father is.

I've sought your face regarding this message.

I pray today that it may go directly to the heart were counting on your promise that you heal the broken hearted do that today. Father and we asked that even though there may be pain. We thank you that the purpose of pain is first healing bring that about. For your glory in Jesus name Amen amen number one what you need to do is to face reality. We need to face reality. You know abusers live in denial and so do the abused I told you that this message was for both. So first of all I want to say a word to the abusers. If there's anything about people who abuse others.

It is this. They are keenly aware of the hurts that are done to them. In fact, those hurts are revisited over and over and over again, but they are insensitive to the hurt that they are doing to others. In fact, if they were abused, perhaps in their minds saying because it happened to me. I have every right to do it to you in their destroying their children and their destroying their wives and families and really down. Don't care verbally sometimes.

I'm thinking of the father and the little child said this to one of our daughters. I wish I were a dog.

The child said because my dad loves dogs. He's left the family. But if I were a dog. He would love me. Listen, I'm speaking to you very directly right now because I want you to be in heaven but I want you to face reality. All right, this is what Jesus said. He said that if any of you because one of these little ones who believe in need to stumble. It would've been better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea.

I plead with you today. Do you understand what you are doing to your wife because of your verbal putdowns and what you are doing to your children because you slap them and you speak disparagingly of them and you criticize them without lifting them up honoring them praying for them, encouraging them.

Do you understand that you must face reality of the Bible says in Psalm 139 search me oh God, and know my hard and try me and know my thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.

I'm interested in human nature, and I know something about it. Living with myself tell you this though, I have long ago learned that there are things about us that we will never to unless God shows them to us. Would you in this moment of honesty.

See what you need to admit to God will show you what it is that you need to admit to, and of course you also as someone who is abused, you must face reality, you must recognize that indeed abuse has happened and there may be some of you listening here who have never been able to say that about your parents about your environment. 80% of all abuse. By the way, takes place either within the home were among relatives of the home and you've never been able to admit to it.

And so as a result, this pastor is within you, and I'm saying to you today. What you need to do is to look at reality and mourn the loss yes but face it and don't pretend don't pretend that it didn't happen because believe me, it may have, and if you're listening as a child, would you go for help. Would you speak to a teacher to a Sunday school worker to someone because we have to face this and not pretend that it's not here so first of all what we need to do is to move from denial to reality. Secondly, what we need to do is to go from hiding in the shadows hiding in the shadows to seeking help in the sunlight. Will my friend, this is Pastor Luther and you can tell that it is so important that you continue to listen to this series of messages because were living at a time when there are so many problems within the home and during these messages.

I shared my heart regarding the instruction of Scripture. Hopefully wisdom that God gave to me and I'd love for this series of messages to be yours so that you can listen to them again and again share them with your friends because were living at a time when families need help and we need realistic help. Here's what you can do you can go to RTW offer.com for a gift of any amount. These messages can be yours. Go to RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337 I'm going to be giving you that phone number again giving you time to get a pencil. Remember this, that the family is most important shaping young people giving them direction and when there is problems when there are problems within the home.

They of course need resolution or if they can't be resolved. We need to know how to respond to them correctly. Would you like to have this series of messages I hope so. I believe that it would be a great benefit. So for a gift of any amount you can go to RTW offer.com or you can call us at 1-888-218-9337 ask for this series of messages fighting for your family. 1-888-218-9337 you can write to us at the running to win 1635 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago line 60614 running to win is all about helping you find God's roadmap for your race of life wants to destroy the family, especially the role model of the father when a father uses his kids that father faces severe judgment from God. Step one for dad to come clean is to acknowledge uses real next time I'm running to win more on coming clean. This is Dave McCollister running to win is sponsored by the Moody Church