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May 7, 2020 1:00 am
If the family is the bedrock of society, it makes sense that stable marriages are the bedrock of the family. That’s why divorce is so damaging. In divorce, there are no winners. Marriage must be viewed as a lifetime proposition.
Click here to listen (Duration 25:02)Run with endurance the race that is before us, looking to Jesus, founder and perfecter of our family is the bedrock of society makes sense stable marriages bedrock of the family. That's why divorce is so damaging in divorce, there are no winners today why marriage must be viewed as a lifetime proposition stay with the Moody Church in Chicago this one looks or whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line after loser today marks the last message on fighting for your family. Fully half of all Christian marriages end up in divorce similar proportion to that of the culture at large. Why is this date. I think that one reason is people don't understand the nature of the marriage covenant as a matter fact that's the emphasis in this message that were going to be hearing in just a moment, you know, as I think back over this series of messages that is been a blessing to so many families. I am so pleased to announce that it comes with a study guide so you can have these messages as a DVD or CD series. You can listen to what is said and then you can discuss the issues that relate to your family or your families as you do it together as a group for a gift of any amount. These messages can be yours are titled fighting for your family. Here's what you do you go to RTW offer.com RTW offer.com or you can call us at 1-888-218-9337 ask for fighting for your family and be sure to get the study guide and now we go to the pulpit of Moody church where we talk about the importance of understanding what marriage really is all about what this is number 10 in a series of messages entitled fighting for your family and for many of you it may be the most important message of the series because of the fact that marriage is so serious and we know that when the fall happen man fell in the garden of it affected his marriage terribly and everything went wrong in the fall still does the very same to us today and because of the tension that exists in the marriage relationship.
It has become a source of much humor and I thought that before I begin this message, which is a very serious one that I hope will transform your life.
Maybe we could just relax and enjoy the fact that human nature is very interesting. So here we go. First of all I want to talk about the insensitivity of an ladies if you say amen save quietly your heart. There's a story about a woman who said to her husband.
You know that I love racecars. I can race them really fast here in Montana.
She knew he had enough money to buy her when he said when she said when I wake up on my birthday along the driveway.
I want something that I can make go from 0 to 140 and eight seconds while she got up on her birthday, looked on the driveway and on the driveway. It was a bathroom scale funeral services for the husband are pending. There was a woman who is looking into the mirror. She said I feel so full about the way in which I look she said I've got weight issues.
She said I've got lines on my face. My teeth are crooked that I just look so awful.
She said Dresden right now.
I need a compliment from you soon. Well dear, your eyesight is near perfect man went to his pastor and said you know my wife is trying to poison. He said all know he said I know your wife.
She's a nice woman.
There's no way she's trying to point he said pastor there's another side to her that you don't know he should go talk to her pastor came back later that afternoon and said to the man.
He said you know I just spent 3 1/2 hours talking with your wife. He said I have some advice for you and said what pastor said take the poison when you and I get married and we stand at the altar we bring to that event to seeds of destroying any relationship because we bring to that event to ourselves the fact that we want to be the center of our own world. We long to be served and not to serve. We are selfish we may be filled with anger.
We may be filled with jealousies and expectations and uncertainties and insecurities and there we stand and we commit to one another until death do us part.
Somebody has said that getting married is taking the eagle of a man in the vanity of a woman and putting them together in this intimate relationship and it is like having heart surgery without anesthetic and so God puts them together and says find it out and enjoy like somebody said that for my birthday.
He said somebody gave me a humidifier and somebody else gave me a dehumidifier and I put them in the same room and just let them fight it out. I do believe that this message is going to be transforming. I've been praying that couples were on the verge of divorce. Couples who are in trouble with their marriage are going to be changed because of this message. I really do believe that Rebecca asked me this morning how the message was coming along and I said if the Holy Spirit of God comes to open people's minds and hearts as I lay my own heart on the altar, so to speak, as I plead with you regarding your marriage. I believe that God can change your marriage no matter where you are at and if you're in a good marriage. I believe that this message will help all of us to make our good marriages better.
First of all I'd like to deal with.
Realize that our culture gladly accepts three lies and line number one is very clear. My happiness is number one. My happiness is most I had a man say to me one time. Well I'm unhappy in this marriage and I can't believe that God would want me to be unhappy. What Jesus had said that in Gethsemane I'm unhappy here in the garden, then I don't believe that the father would want me to be unhappy and going to the cross made me very unhappy. My dear friend very quickly. May I say that it is much more important to be holy than it is happy and God put you in that marriage to make you holy guaranteeing not happiness but holiness. If you respond to the correct second lie of our culture is this, that if you find the right person. You'll really be fun filled what you need to do is to find your soulmate so a married man that the water cooler meets a woman who just listens to him and just at door exam and he's found his soulmate really I remember a man in this church.
Many, many years ago said, I found an oasis. I'm living in a desert. I found an oasis.
Now you want me to go back to the desert. He said as many of us tried to convince him not to leave his wife and marry somebody else, but he chose the oasis and discovered that it was terribly poisonous would've been better you know if he had just stayed right in the desert actually you know when we are in the period of romance when we romance when were in romance.
We are the most deceptive lying people that we ever are in our lives because we put forth our best self. We have this shimmering image that we project and then after we move then then we get married we suddenly discover there's a beat deep in the movers move and then all of the baggage now give unloaded and here's a baggage of anger. Here's a baggage of insecurity. Here's a baggage of high expectations. Here's a baggage of laziness and after our mates. Baggage gets brought into the house than ours comes and there we are. I tell young people today that it is very important to realize this young people write this down. It is possible for you to be madly in love with someone should never marry.
That's true of older people do. You could fall in love with somebody else's wife the best poster child for recognizing that it's possible to be in love with someone you should not marry is myself. You can put me up on the fridge and say he's the post child before I met Rebecca I was madly in love with this young woman and I thank God today that I didn't marry her.
I might not be in ministry if I had married God wanted me to wait for Rebecca and how glad I am.
I did recognize that dealings itself and thinking that you have found your soulmate can backfire. There's 1/3 lie of our society.
If I find my soulmate.
I'm justified in breaking my violence if I find my soulmate. I'm justified like one person said will you know even David got his, but she but he said yeah I told him I said yeah David did get his Toshiba and you know what else happened. He wrecked his family lost four sons but yeah he didn't get his Bathsheba. Okay the Bible says in the 15 song blessed is he who swears to his own hurt and does not change. Blessed is the man who swears to his own hurt and does not change you say I got married and now I have buyers remorse. I know somebody who vehicle and brought it into the garage and the moment they did.
They wish they could take it back. Buyers remorse maybe you think you didn't marry the right one. Well it's not as important that you married the right one as it is that you be the right one that you be a person of character you know it is impossible for me to over exaggerate the pain in this world because of divorce. The counselor was telling me how that this couple divorced, this man ran off with his girlfriend is living with his girlfriend so a divorce ensues and now they have a little one-year-old girl and he gets a little one-year-old on weekends, so this mother attends a sporting event where her other son was involved in it she looks down and just in the rows ahead of her. There's her ex-husband. There is his girlfriend playing mom to this little one-year-old how much grief can a person endure anyway. I was reading somebody who does marriage counseling full-time uses that many people who divorce regret it later on because they underestimated the amount of pain disruption heart ache that would come to them if they were to divorce and his soulmate turns out to be poisonous in the end anyway. There are two things that should never happen prematurely. One is emboldening the other is to get a divorce now with that introduction.
What I'd like to do is to ask us to turn to the Bible for a moment and thank you for catching on to that, by the way, I I debated whether or not you know it would float. But evidently it did. The fifth chapter of the book of Ephesians because this is what were going to do.
I'm going to give you three characteristics of the kind of love that we commit ourselves to when we get married and then what I want to do is to give you five principles of marriage that I hope are going to help you and and keep some of you from divorce and help some of you who are in a loveless marriage to get a reboot and a restart three characteristics very quickly and you know is I was looking at this passage yesterday. It would be worthy of several messages so I'm simply picking out three different characteristics of love and commenting on them. I'm going to begin at verse 25 husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Their husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. How did Jesus love us. He loved us. The Bible says even when we were his enemies. Jesus knew what it was to love us without being loved back and then he died for us. Most wives say to themselves. I don't expect my husband to die for me, it's very unlikely, but it would sure be nice to be help with the vacuuming. I thought I'd throw that in because I do help Rebecca with the vacuuming and I wanted to use some illustration that would convict me to severely and so that's what the Bible says. Husbands, love your wives, as Jesus loved it and wife, you are in a loveless marriage. Just know that you are position to be able to experience the kind of love that Jesus had, and for God to use your marriage as a laboratory, where he is going to teach you about the love of God, and I think of Jesus there at the woman at the well.
She had had five husbands, the one that she was living with now was not her husband.
And Jesus said to her that if you believe on me, you will find within you a well of water springing up even into everlasting life.
If you become a worshiper of God.
Jesus said, you'll be number one on God's list even though you had so many marriage failures and the present man you are now living with will not encourage you in your walk with God. So I encourage you ladies get involved in the church get involved in the family of God, but don't give up.
Even though life is very very difficult and the first thing that we have to do is to recognize here that we have a kind of love that actually enables us to love even in a loveless relationship and you say well you know that's unrealistic.
Yes, it is unrealistic.
But what if God poured his grace upon your life. What if God began to do in your own heart things that would be miraculous. The ability of God to work in the human heart should never be under estimated. This will become clear in a few moments as to the steps that you should take. So first of all we should be sacrificial in our giving. Secondly, we should be pure in our relationships. Pure love. You'll notice that Jesus gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that you may be holy and without blemish.
Husbands.
This is God's holy word.
It's our responsibility to see to it that our wives are spiritually cleansed by the washing of water through the word of God. My opinion one of the clearest references in the Bible to the fact that husbands have responsibility for spiritual leadership in the home and we talked about that in previous messages, oh, you say well that's an impossible thing I'm not a Bible scholar. I'm not a Bible teacher, can you read the word of God, can you praying with your wife. Can you encourage her as the spiritual leader if you want a happy marriage.
There has to be a pure kind of love where there are no attachments, sensual attachments to other people, but let me ask you how can you experience the love of God in the pure love of God. If the wife is reading romance novels and if the husband isn't up or not. It's not possible we'll talk about that in a moment. So secondly, it should be a peer relationship. Third, you should honor your mate, you should honor your mate husbands. The Bible says in verse 31 therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
You are to leave and typically I've had wives tell me, my husband makes no major decision without first of all, calling his mother and he may or may not make reference to me, but he has to still be committed to his parents didn't realize how that devalues your wife.
You realize how it makes her feel when you have not left emotionally and spiritually. Your parents realize how she feels if she is not number one in your life experience and in your relationships, and she is above your family. She is even your children and above your vocation. This is what the Bible says in first Peter chapter 3 verse seven it says husbands love your wives in an understanding way and then it says love her as one who is the weaker vessel as heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered you still pastor long ago. I've given up on God and I've given up on prayer. Might it be that you are not dwelling with your wife in an understanding way, giving honor to her.
That's the phrase I missed in the moment. I think giving honor to her as an heir to gather the grace of life is that the way in which you treat your wife. If not, the Bible says that that may be the reason why your prayers are hindered there not answer. Would you honor her, would you put her in a position where she knows she has your heart, and she has your honor because you let her know that she's number one here on earth next to God. Well, now what I'd like to do is to give you five principles five principles years ago I used to do marriage counseling. I don't anymore because my staff is much better at it than I am. But as I was thinking about this message yesterday afternoon. The Lord laid on my heart some practical principles that I think you should boy no matter what kind of a marriage.
You are presently in would you open your heart to these principles.
Those of you who are planning to be divorced or you wish you where are you think to yourself, I married the wrong one. Well, let me emphasize again that the one to whom you are married is now the one that God wants for you and he has you where he wants you and now the principles first principle that I wrote down yesterday afternoon is the principle of God's glory. The principle of God's glory. If you're in pain in your marriage. The first question should not be. How do I get out of this pain. The first question should be, how do I glorify God in the midst of this difficult relationship that seems to be going nowhere. That's question number one.
And so you really begin by giving your marriage to God and you desire is glory above your own happiness above the own situation you desire the glory of God first. Now I always like to emphasize that there's a big difference between committing your marriage to God giving it over to God and praying I meet people all the time.
The civil you know I'm praying for him rhyme praying for this situation is good to pray and we want you to pray and God brings us to desperation so that we do pray, but sometimes we can just pray without any faith I discovered in my own life that when I commit something to God. Sometimes it is so difficult to committed to him because now I know that I can no longer manipulate the situation I'm recognizing that it is out of my hands and it is very difficult to give it to God.
Why because I need faith to believe that it is in his hands and not my own.
That's what it means to commit your marriage and yourself to God now. Furthermore, what this means in practical terms is that now you're not going to live in retaliation. One of the great lessons that we have to learn is this that when we are sinned against. We should not sin. In return, I'm using here the illustration of David who when Saul threw the spear at him didn't say all you through that spirit me. Here's one I'm throwing back in my friend if you're living with the spear thrower.
I hope that you go for help and you know we're coming to the end that the series of messages entitled biting for your family. I believe very deeply that this series can be a tremendous blessing and the good news is it comes with the study guide so you can listen to these messages again and again you can share them with your friends. You can discuss the issues in your marriages and you can benefit for a gift of any amount. This series can be yours, either as a DVD or a CD. Here's what you do you go to RTW offer.com RTW offer.com or you can call us at 1-888-218-9337 ask for the series fighting for your family and be sure to ask. Also for the study guide so that you can be given resources that will be of benefit to you and to others.
RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. The family is the bedrock of society.
We need to fight for our families. Thanks so much in advance for your generosity, because together we are making a difference and we are especially devoted to helping you and your family. You can write to us at running to win 1635 LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL 60614 running to win is all about helping you understand God's roadmap for your race of life on our next program teaching could bring you back from the brink will hear principles to help you navigate what may seem to be impossible waters. Your marriage can be put back together. Thanks for listening for Dr. Erwin Luzerne this is Dave McAllister running to win is sponsored by the teacher