Playing For Keeps Part 2

One reason for us to Jesus longer reaches improving don't touch that dial today. Your teaching would bring you back from the brink principles to help you navigate what may seem to be impossible waters. Your marriage can be put back together. Stay with us church in Chicago. This is Sir sauce crossing the finish line. Estimates are today's teaching might save a marriage, tell us more about playing for Kings will date what I'm good to be speaking about is the nature of the covenant that you taken marriage, why it is to remain faithful to a marriage, even if it is unhappy. But I have to say that this message will also apply to those who are not married will be a reminder of them to enter into this relationship with a great deal of counsel and care and by the way, today is the last day to receive this series of messages so that it can be yours, either as DVDs or CDs along with the study guide. Here's what you do you go to RTW offer.com before I give you the phone number I do have to ask you this question. Have you been blessed as a result of this ministry. If so, your investment enables us to bless others. The phone number that you can call is 1-888-218-9337 ask for this series of messages entitled fighting for your family. Now we go to the pulpit of Moody church where I speak on the topic playing for keeps first principle that I wrote down yesterday afternoon is the principle of God's principle of God's glory. If you're in pain in your marriage.

The first question should not be. How do I get out of this pain. The first question should be, how do I glorify God in the midst of this difficult relationship that seems to be going nowhere.

That's question number one. And so you really begin by giving your marriage to God and you desire is glory above your own happiness above the own situation you desire the glory of God first.

Now I always like to emphasize that there's a big difference between committing your marriage to God giving it over to God and praying I meet people all the time so will you know I'm praying for him right praying for this situation is good to pray and we want you to pray and God brings us to desperation so that we do pray, but sometimes we can just pray without any faith I discovered in my own life and when I commit something to God. Sometimes it is so difficult to committed to him because now I know that I can no longer manipulate the situation I'm recognizing that it is out of my hands and it is very difficult to get to God.

Why because I need faith to believe that it is in his hands and not my own. That's what it means to commit your marriage and yourself to God now. Furthermore, what this means in practical terms is that now you're not going to live in retaliation. One of the great lessons that we have to learn is this that when we are send against we should not sin. In return, I'm using here the illustration of David who when Saul threw the spear at him didn't say all you through that spirit me.

Here's one I'm throwing back. David didn't do that. He didn't retaliate, don't retaliate. Why vengeance is mine, I will recompense, says the Lord. If you've given your marriage over to God is now his responsibility. Because all really matters is his glory, the end of the day.

Nothing else really matters.

The principal of God's glory. Secondly, the principal of self-examination. The principle of self-examination. We live in a culture that is filled with wounded mass wound all energy and of course we live in such a culture because of the brokenness of the home because of abuse, sexual immorality, molestation, the list is long. Now, as a result of that woundedness which I recognize is very serious.

People bring to their marriage. All kinds of issues all kinds of baggage that I mentioned before that they are really willing to deal with and the reason they aren't is because they reason in their mind considering the way in which I was treated. I have every right to be angry. I have every right to be angry with my husband. I have every right to expect his complete affection. I have every right to be jealous and on and on it goes. And so as a result of those wounds. What people are really saying is I want you to heal my that's why married. I want you to heal my wound but if you touch it if you touch it, I will scream and holler and make this the most miserable marriage you have ever possibly imagine. You know, I know I reason that I prayed about this message so much and gave it over to God is because I know human nature. I know my own heart. There are things in our lives that we will never admit to, unless God shows us until that time, we are fully justified.

In fact, some of you for whom this particular point is intended.

Right now you're missing it because in your mind you're saying I'm justified to be who I am. Look at the way in which he acts. Look at the way in which she treats me. I have a right to be angry.

I have a right to resent look at the way in which life treated me and I have entitlement considering what I'm through folks if you don't see that in your life and deeply repent your marriage is always going to be in difficulty. There will always be obstacles to harmony. So the second principle is the principle of self examination third is one of individual responsibility. Number three. Individual responsibility now. I spoke earlier about the fact that there are men who their wives to come to me and said you know my husband is into pornography. What I do.

Couple of comments. First of all, be assured of this that nobody who does not want to be fixed can be fixed if your husband doesn't want to be fixed most assuredly. You can't fix them and you can't even contribute to his fixing if I can put it that way because of he doesn't want to be fixed. He won't be, now one of the things and I'm speaking to the wives, though it could be the other way around. You understand that when I preach this, it could be flipped could be the wife versus the husband the husband versus the life of the simple fact is that everyone who is addicted has one agenda and that is to this he wants to continue on in the way in which he is living without interruption and with a minimal amount of problems and hassles.

That's his great desire. Now what you have to do is to help him to own his own stuff to use an expression because you can own his stuff for him, nor should you cover for him.

What you have to do is to help him to understand that unless there are positive changes and accountability not just to you but to others that you will expose him that you will not allow this to go on in your home, particularly if it is such an addiction. It is abuse. You are not going to live for him. You're not going to cheat for him.

Why, because you love him too much to contribute to his particular lifestyle.

It must be confronted and exposed and so what we must do as individuals is to realize that it is so important for us to take responsibility alcoholics stop blaming your employer. Stop blaming your wife. Stop blaming your parents stop blaming whoever your blaming because I know something about the characteristics of such people stop blaming and take responsibility and say I am responsible for my attitude for my actions. What I am doing. I resolve to own my stuff would you do that please. Number four. This is critical. The principle of communication.

The principle of communication years ago when I did marriage counseling. I used to say to the couple that would be in my office now I want you to write down all of the false and the problems of your mate.

Here's a sheet of paper. Some people would say one sheet of paper. I need the whole notepad okay just one pen might run out of ink, they would write and write and write, it would come like the pen about mighty writer, then I would say all right now I want you to do is to write your own faults. Here's another sheet of paper. Let's see well you know I gas I did lose my temper one time and yeah it's true I hit her, but not very hard. My friend, you see the problem how we can see other people's bolts with 2020 vision and we ourselves can be filled with pride and anger and self-serving and all those things and we are as blind as a brick on the wall to see it.

Communication. I find it incredible to think that there is some parents who think that the way in which they really should raise their families is to be supercritical of everybody. So you have a wife who supercritical of her husband, a husband who's supercritical of his wife and they even bring up the children that way.

Constantly these children are making mistakes they can't obey, no matter what they do, it's wrong, my friend, you realize how your destroying any possibility of a relationship. Remember that story that I told you about a counselor and attorney who said to a man who wanted to divorce his wife he said I hate her. He said in order to make sure that you really hurt her because you want to hurt her when I chew just for one month. Always say kind things encourage her thank her or whatever she does for you and just don't say as single negative think then she's going to think that you really love her, and so forth. So you're going to set her up and then you're gonna really shove the sword in her art by handing her divorce paper and how well you know since I'm getting rid of her in a month. Anyway, I guess I can try to experience all that he did was praise her thank her for everything in any area in which he wanted her to improve.

He would always say, you know, is a really great, instead of coming home and looking at what was in the frying pan sarcastically, suggesting that it was an unidentified flying object.

He now spoke words of love and compassion when you know the rest of the story, of course, within a month they had a second honeymoon course the words that come out of our mouths. Now something else that is so critical in the relationship is listening, listening, you must talk to each other and you must listen, I know I have problems with that. I think all of us as men do to listen. One woman said to me you know my husband won't talk to me. He sits there like the great stone face guy understand and wonder why he doesn't talk to you all that way to mom and I'm the pastor I venture to say that he probably talks to his friends. He probably talks to them very freely and tells about everything that's going on in his life and he gets only won't talk to his wife.

I have a suspicion as to why he doesn't because he fears being judged. He thinks to himself, she's going to shame me. She's going to blame me.

She's going to ask what kind of a person I am to have these kinds of struggles wives. Would you be able to handle it if your husband ever became so honest with you, that he honestly told you the struggles that is going through at the last and maybe pornography could you handle it or would you just simply say is one wife did that I know about what kind of a pervert. Are you will that really took care of that relationship. That was the last time he would ever talk to his wife about anything that was personal. If your husband begins to talk to you. You need to enter into his world and realize that this talk, no matter how hard it is, is really bringing about healing. You have to be at his side.

I know a situation in which a wife had to confess to her husband that she was unfaithful to the relationship with another man. The Holy Spirit worked in her heart and she knew that she had to come clean on that and she did later on I heard that they talk from evening all the way to 4 o'clock in the morning and as she spilled out her heart to him.

He in turn spilled out his heart to her and they said later it was the first time we really connected the soul to soul honesty in the relationship in the communication number five.

The principle of forgiveness. The principle of forgiveness. This is a huge topic and I preached on it before in more detail. One writer says couples don't fall out of love, but they fall out of repentance, the ability to forgive others a kind of reconciliation that forgiveness sometimes brings about. And then there's a kind of forgiveness where there is no reconciliation. I've spoken about that kind of forgiveness to because remember what ever you don't forgive you pass on your an angry mother. Your children grow up angry, you are a person who is violent in terms of the way in which you deal with issues you pass that on. So what you need to do is to go through this matter of forgiveness and now we're really at the heart of the gospel aren't way because the gospel is a message of forgiveness. The gospel says that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. And if we receive him as Savior we are forgiven we are accepted by God to become God's children. His daughters and his sons, and God now loves us unconditionally. God loves us unconditionally that unconditional love is not given to everyone. It is given to those who are the sons and daughters of God, and now we have the privilege of knowing that no matter how badly we mess up no matter what kind of a past we've had. No matter what kind of mistakes we made no matter. All of the scars that we bring to the relationship because of the way in which we lived before marriage, regardless of all that now we have a heavenly father who goes on. Loving us accepting us caring for us all the way through, and that gives us the stability to be able to forgive others to be able to move on in our relationships and to grow in our love for one another.

It is old. There in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Which leads me to say that if you've never received Jesus Christ as your Savior. If you're listening to this and God is a stranger to you, he becomes your father if you believe on him and believe that the Lord Jesus Christ died for sinners and because of that death we can be saved, forgiven and welcomed into heaven, there is a story I'd like to tell you about a man whose name is John Barker. This is taken from the book sacred marriage.

I've no clue who this man is, but he says my relatives grew up on the streets during the depression learning the fury and scorn that characterizes so many people in dire circumstances, drinking, seeing women, etc. he said as a result, I swaggered through marriage for many years. Ruling my wife Susan and my seven children with an iron hand while citing Scripture as justification for my privileges and authority. Years of dominating my wife and children left him habitually resentful, even fearful of me unwilling to challenge me because of the fury it might provoke. I alienated my wife, my children and lost their love home was not a pleasant place to be, either for me or for them. Susan walked out of the marriage. Were it not for the fact that we had children.

Then he says a number of dramatic events occurred which brought a profound change in my moral, psychological and spiritual life, and this was just trials.

I mean it was a stillborn baby. It was just one trial after another pounded on this man until he submitted himself to God. He said in the midst of these many afflictions, I found that the only way I could learn to love and to cease being the cause of pain was to suffer, to endure, to strive every moment to repudiate my anger or resentment my scorn my jealousy my lust my pride and dozens of other devices. I started admitting my faults and apologizing for them. Now man get this. I quit defending myself when I was judged too harshly for the important thing was not to be right or well thought of, but to love took three years of patience, listening, and growing in Susan's trust. Hundreds of hours talking until Susan's anger dissipated.

She became loving, trusting and caring while the rest of the story is. Susan had terminal cancer. He cared for her in the last months of her life and later on he said that he had the memory that he had experienced something that few couples do true soul deep companion ship God brought it about. It can't happen without brokenness. It can't happen unless we give up our right to always be right. As long as we still have our right to be served and the feeling that our anger is fully justified.

Considering all that is happened to us. You can't have that soul deep companionship comes only with honesty, with taking personal responsibility and saying with God's grace.

This marriage can may it do you agree that with God's grace, the marriage can make it.

Some of you should go home and have a long honest talk accepting each other connecting your souls and saying by God's grace we don't have to divorce.

We don't have to live this way, loveless relationship. We can have true companionship, which is after all exactly what God intended. Would you join me as we pray father, however imperfectly, this message was preached. We pray today that you might work in the hearts of many couples, some of whom may be in a relationship that is sprayed with anger and resentment and mistrust come to us, Lord Jesus, and show your glory in the midst of our marriages overcome the bitterness. May there be forgiveness. May there be understanding may trust be rebuilt.

We pray for those have never accepted Christ as Savior. May they do so today. Knowing that they too can know that they are love no matter what. Now before I close this program talking to you. The congregation and all who are listening got us talk to you. Would you talk to him right now. Would you tell him what he has spoken to you about. And by his grace. Would you agree to be obedient to tell him that right now. Help us all. Father come to us and our need show us our selfishness may grace be poured out upon our marriages and our families abundant matchless radical grace because we needed. We ask in Jesus name, amen my friend today.

This is Pastor Luther and I sincerely hope that you've been helped as a result of this message, and as a result of the entire series fighting or your family.

I believe very deeply that God wants to do a work of grace in families, in marriages, but we need to raise the issues and I sincerely believe that this series of messages enables us to do just that.

Would you like to have these messages as your own, so that you can listen to them again and again or study them in your small groups. Here's what you can do to receive either DVDs or CDs of this series, fighting for your family. You can go to RTW offer.com now before I give you the phone number I want to remind you that the reason you been able to listen to these messages is because there are people who invest in this ministry, would you consider investing in this ministry to help others. This is the last day, we are offering this series fighting for your family. Go to RTW offer.com RTW offer.com or write down this phone number 1-888-218-9337. Let me get that to you again very critical series of messages fighting for your family. 1-888-218-9337, with God's help, we can make it. You can write to us run into when 1635 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL 60614 four Christians, the Bible is at the center of what we believe and we rely on this ancient book.

Next time we begin a series on the key doctrines that define what Christianity is all about the series is called what we believe in. The difference, it should make plan to join us.

This is Dave McAllister running to win is sponsored by the Moody church