Becoming That Impossible Person Part 1

One reason for us. Jesus longer remember when we work someone whose conscience is dead or defiled evil lesions in every human heart is on full display. How do we cope with people who seem to be beyond hope today I look at people with hardened consciences, and how to handle the Moody Church in Chicago this is running to win with Erwin Moser is clear teaching us make it across the finish line.

I believe today you help us understand the process of becoming that impossible person Dave. I really do think that our listeners right now to go to the phone and call a friend and invite them to listen to running to win because the message that I'm going to be presenting on becoming an impossible person is going to be very helpful because all throughout the country were discovering that there are plenty of narcissists who are almost impossible to get along with and there's some marriage partners who are going to discover that I'm discussing their mate, or I may even be discussing them this sermon I think is so helpful, but it's part of a larger series entitled the power of a clear conscience. We'd like to make this sermon series available to you so that you can listen to these messages again and again now for gift of any amount, and thanks in advance for helping us.

These messages can be yours. Go to RTW offer.com RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337.

Now let's go to the pulpit of Moody church and get some deep insight into the human heart as we see others but will also see ourselves in a year or two ago I told you this story, but I need to retell it because of its relevance to my sermon. There was a man who went to his pastor and said you know my wife is trying to poison pastor said no way. I know your wife.

She's a nice woman. There's no way she tried to poison pastor.

She's trying to poison me. I can even see the poison next to my plate.

He said there's a part of my wife that you don't understand. I suggest you talk to her. Well, later on that afternoon the pastor came back and said to the man you know I spent 3 1/2 hours speaking with your wife this afternoon. I have a suggestion for you. He said what is pastor said just take the poison now. The reason I'm preaching this message today is so that you don't have to take the poison you know, of course, the theme of this series of messages is found in first Timothy chapter 1 verse five. I hope it's a verse that you memorize. The Bible says this pulse is the aim of our instruction. The aim of our instruction is love that flows from a pure heart and good conscience and a sincere faith. I'd like to suggest to you today, that those three words are related to be able to have a pure heart a good conscience and a sincere faith because if you don't have a good conscience, you have no confidence toward God. Now today were going to talk about the conscience in a negative sense, that is to say the Bible has much to say about people who have a hardened conscience and were going to be talking about them. For example, the Scripture is very clear. It says in first Timothy chapter 2 that there will be teachers and it says whose liars. They are liars, whose consciences are seared the old King James used to say, as with a hot iron were talking about those whose consciences are cauterized. That's the word Vince use their they are without feeling and then also the Bible says in the book of Timothy that there are those who have a different bio conscience and there's a whole list of sins that they commit because their conscience is defiled and they no longer know the difference between right or wrong, and they are blind to their own is another passage that doesn't mention the word conscience, but my is it ever relevant to what I'm speaking about today. This is second Timothy chapter 3 verse one and following I'm going to read the first five verses you'll notice in the second Timothy chapter 3 verse one it says.

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty for people will be lovers of self, that's what I'm going to speak on today is lovers of self notice that the apostle Paul put it at the head of all of the other sins that he lists lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive and disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, wow on a peaceable you know I don't know how other translations have that word but this this week.

I was thinking of Anna peaceable. What a description of some people and then you'll notice it says, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not the loving, good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness but denying its power from such people pulses turn away a boy if you can, well that's quite a list of sins, and what would like to do today is to take a tour of the human heart is going to be a very painful tour because I'm speaking about narcissism which is self-love which stands at the head of all of these other sins. One way to deal with this would be for me to go through and to explain what every one of these words means.

In a sense I'm going to be doing that but I'm going to be doing it from a different perspective. So as we speak. I want you to know that to some extent in all the fine narcissism and a moment to some extent, all of us are nurse all of us love ourselves. But there are some people, about 10% of the population who are actually diagnosed as narcissistic and these people exist in churches there in Christian leadership. Often times they can be involved in every one of the locations whether they are attorneys or doctors or factory workers, narcissism, love of self can be at the bottom.

One other word and that is that I'm often going to be speaking about. He but it could all equally apply to she because narcissism whether or not it's men or women. Both can be very narcissistic. As will explain in a moment. This is a topical message. Actually I mention that because this morning there's some guests present who are theologians so I want them to simply know that I know that this is a topical message. Next week I'm going to speak on the topic of why why Lady Macbeth didn't have to commit suicide, and why you don't either.

At that point were going to be in the book of Hebrews, but today topical message on self-love. Narcissism comes to us from Greek mythology, Narcissus. He was the son of God, the supposedly and he was in love with himself and he was greatly admired by people and the story goes that he looked into a pool and saw his image and fell in love with himself so that he couldn't even eat became almost anorexic because he was so enamored with and so we had narcissism the other day I was meditating and it dawned on me that when Satan said to Adam and Eve shall be like God. That of course was fulfilled in some sense that now man is his own God, I ask myself this question.

What is it that God does, that the narcissist does will first of all whatever God does is right, the Bible says our God is in the heavens. He's done whatever his plea by definition whatever God does is right. The narcissist believes that he's always right.

You can teach them anything. He doesn't learn anything because he has this air of superiority.

She knows it all.

He already has a better perspective than anyone else. Another characteristic of God is that everything exists for them. God, the Bible says in the book of Revelation that all things were created for God and for his pleasure.

They were created. Let me describe the narcissist to someone who processes all information through two question. How does this make me look how does this make me feel feeling good about himself is incredibly important and if you mentioned that someone else's successful they will become very, very envious and even angry that they are not recognized because everyone else exists for what could be called narcissistic supply, namely to feed their ego so they have a sense of entitlement. They really believe the world owes them and when the world doesn't stand up and give them what they believe they deserve what you'll find is a great deal of anger, disappointment, depression because people aren't just recognizing who they really are. Another characteristic of God, of course, is that time God's glory is most important. Many narcissists who who are obsessed with their appearance obsessed with it. They need a constant extensive program of affirmation and admiration were looking out into the human heart, because what they want is for people to recognize them. Sometimes they have fantasies of success and over exaggerate their particular issues and the things that they have accomplished because everything basically exists for them and then they seek control because God God controls everything. Recognizing anybody yet and you will in a little bit unsure they they want to control people and they often do it through to chaos. Chaos is very important. The family has to be kept wondering what dad thinks and nobody really knows because his actions are unpredictable and end the minute you think you found a way to please and you discover that the goalposts have moved like kicking a field goal and while the ball is in the air.

The post that moved farther back so that you always lose. You are always criticized your always be little because it is the narcissist who was the center of everything that is happening in everything should come out good – and that critical of everything because if they ever approve of anything that means that someone else has some good and as a result of that, that's the way in which they live.

If a narcissist walks into a room he or she sees everyone else's competition and what he has to do is to somehow diminish them. Maybe through criticism of other people may be because of his presence because remember a narcissist has to be the bride in every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.

Everything needs to focus in on him.

He has to be the center of attention, and so they feel uncomfortable when there's peace. They certainly feel uncomfortable when someone else's honored because they think to themselves, that really should be me. After all, their gods may be God with a small G they are God's.

Aren't they met the promise of Eden. You shall be your own God will have been describing a narcissist and I'm going to continue on in this description because it seems to me that self-love standing at the head of this catalog of sins, reminds us that it is really the seed of all conflict that is that follows. And of course as a result of that, these folks have a cauterized conscience and that's the point that I want to make. I preached a version of this message this summer, and the very next day when I was having breakfast there were these couples eating at the table and then at one table randomly to couples both of whom whose children, married narcissists, both of whom divorced their mates and then so they found this message very, very interesting.

They said I know exactly what it is you are saying and that I sent you a couple I said now didn't your son know there's some signs that this woman was narcissistic after they described her and she said yeah. The first night the first night he came home when he met her. He said you know I met this really cute girl, but she believes that she is the center of the universe what what should've been his first clue that this isn't going to go very. I know she was cute.

She was probably bubbly. She was probably buried in aging lots of fun is. Narcissists often are, but to she believes she's the center of the universe like a T-shirt that a woman was wearing the other day that said, it's all about, or the T-shirt I saw on Wells Street just across the way and some leases just worship me and will get along fine.

That's all you have to do because you exist for them.

You are narcissistic supply.

So here's what life is like if you married a narcissist and I have no doubt but that some of you have. Remember 10% of people how many people are in your row sitting here in town 1-234-567-8910 turn to somebody next to you and say could be a narcissist. Let me tell you what life is like, and this is not from experience because my dear wife Rebecca is one of the most selfless one could possibly imagine. Yes, thank you, thank you. Praise God for that. Now the guy that she lives with. Well, that's another tell you about narcissist because I know a little bit about them and our daughter is a counselor and she encounters them all the time and she actually wrote a paper and some of my ideas are from her paper. What is self love like in the home. First of all, they had their own reality. They have their own reality is a truth to a narcissist is something he has to dispense a David gets in the way of his ego and what he wants to do. They have their own reality. And sometimes you think that you've agreed with them about something and you have a meeting of the minds and then you discover that they took the truth and they turned that I have to turn and suddenly it comes out is something very different than you agreed on, and you begin to save yourself am I crazy or are they crazy I I thought that we agreed on this filled with self-justification and so they have their own reality. They have no feeling, no feelings, is what actually led me to preach this message is because remember, Paul says, their consciences are cauterized the book of Ephesians says in the old King James that they are past feeling chapter 4 of Ephesians. It also says now in my translation callous. You must remember they have no feelings for those whom they hurt.

They don't even if their abusers they don't even hear the cry of this little boy saying no daddy, daddy, don't be. They don't hear that. And at the same time they feel their own pain very keen very keenly. I think one of the best examples of narcissism in the Bible is came in on Adam and Eve. They raised cane and then Cain killed his brother Abel, and God says you're going to be a fugitive and you're going to be a fugitive in the land but nobody will kill y'all put a marker to drive. If anyone finds killed me. Oh pass the Kleenex. Okay, let's give them out at the door so we can all cry just murdered your brother Abel. I know you're complaining about the fact that somebody may kill you and that you have to be a fugitive there people in this world who will stab you and leave you bleeding along side of the road and walk away feeling sorry for themselves. That's narcissism. Why because they are past feeling as the Bible says.

Also, they if they admit to something occasionally and a narcissist will admit to something. But he'll minimize okay. I messed up I had an affair, so I'm sorry let's move on, no sense of the depth of the pain that he cause no sense of the hurt because all that he cares about is let's get this over with, and let me can ask superficially, because whenever I did.

Isn't that big a deal. So it's always minimized or something else and that is that they see people entirely as good or evil. Here's what will happen. Narcissist will marry this woman and he will just adore you know you're the greatest thing in the world. I Believe that I married you got the idea, then she will not meet his expectations. She will not supply what his ego need and now instead of working through the difficulty. Now he demonizes her she's the worst possible person everything that she does is wrong.

I know that I'm throwing this in were giving you some extra stuff but if you ever are in a divorce with a narcissist and you say to yourself, well, you know, okay, I'll give her the house all give her this just so that we can have peace.

What you'll discover is that that is not enough because what she wants is to destroy you. She wants to destroy, and you must understand that that's why was so interested in that word in second Timothy never sought before this week on feasible on a feasible and they begin to see the evil that is in them as belonging to you. So they lie, they manipulate and they use their emotions to come up with truth so they don't need facts, they know who's against them. They know their paranoia as to who it is that's after the they know the evil that other people in the what are your facts. I don't have any. I just know it. What interesting people. They are well you say pastor Luther enough of that.

What are we to do about it. Let me give you a prescription and then were going to turn to the Scriptures. Of course, which is the answer to human need and is always God is the one who has the answer. First of all, a couple of practical words, if you know anything about narcissism and your living with a person like this. Would you just take a deep breath and remember that they too have a story they have a story and you and I must have the patience to listen to their story probably abused probably a sense of abandonment when they were young, probably. Maybe an alcoholic home and so this self protection.

This God would spoken about, begins to take over and done and that may be the cause.

Let us remember and let's remember also that no matter how much evil they do that there's more to them than simply the evil they are human beings and we need to minister to them and help them as such.

Well my friend, this is pastor Luther and absolutely you're going to have to listen to this sermon next time. As we continue our discussion of narcissism becoming an impossible person. One of the things that I discovered about these kinds of people, and I emphasize it in the message is that they have their own view of reality. It's as if they really live in another world, and to them. This other world is the real world facts can be taken and they can be twisted and that you'd be surprised at their ingenuity and their brilliance to cover for themselves. I believe so deeply that this series of messages is very important and for a gift of any amount.

These messages can be yours. Here is what you do you go to RTW offer.com RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337 that's 1-888-218-9337.

The title of the series.

By the way, is the power of a clear conscience let God free you from your past and my heart goes out to the many of you who are struggling here with relationships you met someone who appeared to be very nice and then you got to know them and you discovered their dark side. How do you relate to that. Remember the title of this series, the power of a clear conscience for a gift of any amount. These messages can be yours. Go to RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337 and be sure to continue to listen to the ministry of running to win. Invite your friends to listen because together we are making a difference in thanks in advance for helping us get the gospel to many.

You can write to us running to win 1635 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL 60614 when the conscience goes dead. A person becomes a self absorbed narcissist. Next time I'm running to win more on understanding what to do with an impossible person.

This is Dave McAllister running to win is sponsored by the teacher