It's Not All Your Fault Part 1

One reason for us.

Jesus phone number for much of the shame we may carry on doing bad decisions, wrong choices, and their inevitable fallout, but sometimes we carry guilt for things that are not our doing today making an important distinction to help us get on the road toward a clear conscience from the Moody Church in Chicago. This is running to win with Dr. Erwin Sir was clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Estimates are as you continue teaching on the power of a clear conscience. It seems there is at least some good news.

Let me describe that good news to you one day I was walking along the street, and on and should.

I saw man who obviously had borne the ravages of sin's facial features. All that he had been through. He looked as if he was disheveled and perhaps even somewhat confused and so I went to him and I said you know I look at you and I think you had a very hard life, but I want you to know that almost certainly it's not all your fault in his eyes open. Nobody had ever told him that before, and I explained how that often times the things that we do are because of the environment in which we were born because of our parents while he began to open up his life to me. We need to be able to say to this generation that all that is happened to you is not necessarily your fault and that's what this message is all about. I want to thank the many of you who support the ministry of running to win. Would you consider doing that regularly with your prayers and your gifts would you consider becoming an endurance partner say what's the info that I need.

Well, here's what you do good RTW offer.com. Click on the endurance partner button is RTW offer.com. Click on the endurance partner button or call us at 1-888-218-9337 and now let's go and find that hope and that understanding of our own predicament. Sometimes I is a pastor preach messages that are filled with exhortation what you should be doing. Sometimes there are messages of proclamation I speak on various issues and often times just expounding one passage of Scripture. But today is going to be different. This message would be much more like counseling. I want you to visualize that we are together across the table, take a cup of coffee in your mind, of course, only I shut off your cell phone unless of course you're going to use it for the passages of Scripture were going to eventually turn to and listen carefully, because I am interested not just in challenging you.

I'm interested in transformation and change in God has brought you to this moment. To this hour to this message for a reason. Let us listen carefully to what he would say to us through his word and through his servant. The title of this series of messages is the power of a clear conscience and this is message number two and there is a verse of Scripture that kind of encapsulates everything that were going to talk about in this series. It is first Timothy chapter 1 verse five.

You need not turn to it. But I do want you to memorize that at some point the apostle Paul makes the statement that aim of our instruction, so if you want to know what is it that I'm up to. What is the goal here in this series there is the aim of our instruction. He says is love that flows from a good conscience and a pure heart.

You see my friend without a pure heart.

You can't have a good conscience, unless you have a good conscience and a pure heart. You really can't love those three qualities are all the neck you know conscience has driven many people to an early grave. You and I know that and some of you are brought up in situations where you are carrying the guilt of that is really not your guilt at all. Not your shame at all, and yet it has been imposed upon you, and today you Barrett and today I want God to show you that he is available to take your load of guilt from you. In fact, I want you to think of that yourself walking along with his heavy backpack and today God is going to give us the opportunity of laying it down. I'm going to be using the word guilt and shame almost interchangeably. I know there are those writers who want to distinguish in all but I think that shame is a subset of guilt. And certainly the two of them relate together and that's why I will be perhaps using them within the same context. Well, my friend, it's not all your fault, a lot of it is but it's not all your fault. Let me begin by saying. First of all, you and I oftentimes inherit shame and guilt we inherit it, particularly from our parents. It is passed on from one generation to another. And we know how debilitating it is. Let me give you some examples. First of all, we are prone to accept false guilt because of harsh parents, harsh parents that it just devalued us and I think to myself what I've seen in a supermarket where mother will yank her kids, you know, why are you so stupid. Don't you know how to behave in and on and on.

Perhaps slapping the kid. If that goes on in his supermarket. Imagine what goes on when they get home. I want to say to myself, don't parents know any better than that that these tender children are treated in that way is not just harsh parents. We now know, of course, the whole idea of abusive parents abuse going on in the homes of the whole world gets upset because a famous football player punched his girlfriend out in an elevator and I understand yeah you can get upset but my friend today if there were security cameras or hidden cameras in the homes, perhaps even that are represented here and certainly better listening in her wider audience. Not to mention other people, we would discover that abuse exists almost everywhere.

Oftentimes behind lock doors and often times, even in church families, who are we kidding this is not unusual, it's happening and it's happening probably right now my wife and I were driving into the city this morning and I said to her. I wonder how much abuse took place in this city last night or this morning.

It's all around us and you and I if we are in victims like that we inherit the shame, the guilt and the debilitating attitude. And then of course we can.

Think also of addictive parents, their addicts and have had to live for them and you had to keep all of these family secrets that had been kept so carefully and some of you, bear that weight and then when you get older you discovered that these parents want to still manipulate you through guilt. I remember a woman was saying, you know, there are those who actually have a guilt franchise, and she says it must be because she said my mother has the whole Midwest distribution of guilt and so you know they'll say what did we raise you. Don't you owe us money now. I think we should take care of our parents.

The Bible says should not what I'm speaking about here is the fact that many of them manipulate. They are toxic and the question that you always have to ask yourself is, do they own their own stuff. Do they own their own stuff and sometimes it's necessary for us to put boundaries in our family.

I remember talking to one man said that whenever my mother-in-law comes, she destroys the relationship which he tries to do is to build a wedge between me and my wife and she tries to.

I even take the children and criticize us to them. I pointed out that there are times when you just need to put up boundaries, but all of the guilt that is inherited is unbelievable and it carries itself with us.

So there's that which is heaped upon us. There is also guilt that happens as a result of our honest mistakes.

This of course also is false guilt or some people might call it subjective guilt object of guilt means that I'm actually guilty. I have objective shame because I did something shameful but were talking today about that which is imposed upon us, and sometimes it is because of our honest mistakes. My parents know a woman who convinced her husband to go to a concert one evening and he didn't want to go but they went and they were involved in a car accident and he was killed for 13 years. That woman made a trip to the grave. Keeping upon herself, all responsibility, all guilt for having convinced them to go to the concert with her. I'm saying to myself lady. God does not want you to live that way. Now if you had intended that he be killed. That would be a different matter.

Like one woman said you know I'm having such a hard time settling my husband's estate that sometimes I wish he wouldn't have died. That's, that's a different category and then I think of the woman old, God bless her her little daughter five or six years old looks up and says money can I cross the street and the mother says yes, thinking she had looked and that there were no cars. The little one darts across the street and is killed with a car. Now I understand where you never really get over something like that.

I get that but I also get the notes that almost blew away that happens and then have to ask Rebecca to come up here and finish this message may do a better job than I but the simple fact is folks, that as a result of that God doesn't lay all that on you and many of you are struggling today with the guilt and with Shane but is not your own.

I want for a moment for us to turn to the 13th chapter of the book of second Samuel second Samuel and them I wanted this to illustrate victimization particularly sexually, since that is one of the hugest problems in our society and we want to talk here about Shane. Now I'm not gonna read the whole passage. I'll tell you the story and you can turn to it. If you wish. In the 13th chapter of Samuel. But here's what happened. Absalom had a beautiful full-blooded sister that is to say they are of the same parents maintain Mark Amnon was a half-brother to Absalom and Taymor. Now, here is Amnon and he is a man filled with lust.

David of course knew what his son was like because of previous engagements with him and that Amnon wanted to name our sexually because the Bible says she was very beautiful.

In fact, he even told a friend and says you know what I need to do to get her and then that friend watch the friends that you have and the advice to give you said look what you pretend that you're sick and then asking that your half-sister obtained Mark come and bring you some food and then when you're together in the room. You can do whatever you like, you can overpower her and sexually assault her. And so it sounded good and so he pretends that he is sick. Amnon does and then David foolishly says to Amnon says to tame our rather in verse seven.

Go to your brother Amnon's house and prepare food for him and she does, then when they are in the room alone. He says come live with me. My sister she answer them know my brother do not do so and violate me for such a thing is not done in Israel do not do this outrageous thing. Mark my word cries of help are not heard by abusers. The next message in this series. By the way, is entitled how to become an impossible person will talk about the person whose conscience has been seared as with a hot iron. They do not hear the cries of those whom they abuse. So what happened is this she asked this question in verse 13 where could I carry my Shane enough to bring tears to your eyes. What she going to do with her shame. Where will she parked it, how will she take her backpack that is going to be loaded on her as a result of something that wasn't her fault and how was she going to deal with it. Well what happened is this Amnon did violate his half-sister and then it says in verse 15 he hated her with very great hatred so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her in abusive families.

What you find is particularly regarding sexual matters, hatred and lust sort of go hand-in-hand. And you know what she does and will hurry to the conclusion here. Now she was wearing a long robe. Verse 18 with sleeves for this is what the virgin daughters of the King were wearing so his servant put her out.

She was cast out of the room. The door was bolted and Taymor put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore and she laid her hand on her head and went away crying aloud as she went. And then I'm skipping now to verse 20. So Taymor lived a desolate woman in her brother Absalom's house that's apparently where she lived for the rest of her life. This beautiful woman ruined by shame, not because of what she did, but because of what someone else did, and what did David do about it. You'll notice verse 21 when King David heard about these things. He was very angry.

Well, good for Dave, why didn't he step in.

Why didn't he begin to adjudicate. Why didn't he begin to defend or why didn't he take care of Amnon and all the evil that he had done, I'll tell you what the previous chapter is David having committed adultery with Beersheba, Beersheba, Bathsheba, I guess it is and I'm getting Beersheba there is a place like that in Israel mixed up with Bathsheba, but they are different. And then that he murders Uriah so he had lost all moral authority when it came to this issue and so he becomes angry, but he doesn't do anything about it. Just like some homes today were the father becomes angry, but doesn't know how to control his dysfunctional family. So that's the story. Now the question is how do people deal with guilt and shame if we don't deal with it biblically. What happens well.

How do we manage these consequences are. First of all, there are those who become addicted to failure and addicted even to abuse you find that abused women if they were abused as children. They may indeed end up marrying an abuser and you civil how can they do that well you can go online and you can study this and you'll find out that there's an addiction to abuse. In other words they feel to themselves. I am so defiled.

I am so unworthy that I deserve somebody who's going to abuse me happens over and over again so they become addicted to failure. There is such a thing. Even as a learned helplessness. They have the opportunity to change.

They have the opportunity to walk away and they will not. It's a terrible state to be in. Let me also mentioned that often times, the result is compulsive behavior. Compulsive behavior latent anger always dissatisfied with themselves unable to relax. Let me just list a number of different consequences here. For example, compulsive washing of hands. I think it's two or three weeks away, but I'm gonna preach a message entitled why Lady Macbeth didn't have to commit suicide, and why you don't have to either and were going to give explicit instructions on the cleansing of the conscience. But your member. She was the one who kept washing her hands and she said at one place, even if she would wash her hands and all the rivers of ABF.

The rivers would become bloodied but still her hand would not become clean because she had murdered the King while all of that now in her case, of course, that was objective shame, objective guilt, but God has an answer for that to.

So what you find is that young people sometimes cutting themselves. They feel so guilty they feel guilty for simply being alive. They feel as if they should not of been born because they have been so belittled and so devalued because of their upbringing or because of the relationships even as tame our perfectionism.

What happens now.

The perfectionist wants everything absolutely perfect, so that within him within his hollowness and his fear of being exposed and is being seen as inadequate or being seen, figuratively speaking as naked.

Everything has to be perfected, but at the same time, never happy with everything and so on and on. The cycle goes and then what you have is paranoia. You know, a paranoid person and then you have those extreme examples of paranoia, but you also have paranoia.

Often times in the most natural relationships, you discover it, because you see the paranoid person is saying to himself I expect he betrayed and if you criticize me.

I assume that you're an enemy and your intention is to betray you and your actually connected with other individuals and all of you are setting out to destroy me all of that because of the feeling of being empty or being seen as less than we want people to see us and as a result of that goes into paranoia, creation of false worlds, therefore a false world, a world in which even they become the hero because they do not want themselves to be known by anyone so all of this denial.

All of these defenses are built with deep care and denial goes down deep into the roots and into the cellar of their lives.

And there they are. I'm praying today that God will enable all of us to put down our defenses and to allow his grace to bring healing that no other relationship can really do and then what you have is that the power addict. The control freak what he is doing is he's making sure that there will be no further shaming in his life and so he wants to make sure that if he can control his environment if he can control other people, then indeed he will be satisfied and never be ashamed again what does God have to say about all this. There are two passages I want you to turn to very briefly. One is found in the book of Isaiah Isaiah chapter 61 Isaiah chapter 61. You'll notice that God hears speaking to Israel and I understand that this application does to Israel first, but I think that this is what God does for his people. Even in this age. You remember that Kmart put ashes on her head. It was a sign of her humiliation.

It was a sign of her helplessness and she felt herself locked into that lifestyle so she lived desolate for the rest of her life, but notice what God says in verse three.

In this follows the words of Jesus. Most of these words were recited when he was in the synagogue about the spirit of the Lord being upon him to anoint him and then it says in verse three to grant to those who mourn in Zion to get them at a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, God says the shame of the ashes can be taken away and you have a beautiful beautiful garland to wear, which is really what the Hebrew text means the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit, that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.

My friend, this is pastoralists or you just heard my heart it's my heart for you, you who are struggling you with the past you with all of your regrets.

Think of what God is willing to do in the midst of the ashes to give us hope and that's why we exist running to win wants to give people hope. The hope of Jesus Christ. As a result of the faithfulness of God's people. We are now heard in more than 20 different countries and of course we are so thankful that this ministry continues to expand. Would you like to help us regularly with your prayers and your gifts, consider becoming an endurance partner endurance partners are those that indeed do give a gift every month and they pray for us if you want more info here is when you do go to RTW offer.com that's RTW offer.com and click on the endurance partner button or if you prefer you can call us at 1-888-218-9337 because of your support and because of your prayers, the heart of this ministry which is to do it. Of course with the gospel of Jesus Christ is being heard by so many. Thank you RTW offer.com. Click on the endurance partner button and once again call if you wish.

1-888-218-9337 you can write to us run into when 1635 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL 60614 when you bear shame for something you did not do the same is still there. Thankfully the Bible gives us a way to be free of guilt. We did not cause next time I'm running to win more about handling uncontrollable circumstances.

Thanks for listening. This is Dave McAllister running to win is sponsored by the Moody Church