Matthew's Story Part 1

Your right and so remember to discuss Boston legal plan are tried out for okay welcome to the outer brightness podcast Michael apologists. She's Paul Bunyan he's not here to help us in the clear calluses. Well, this sure is more clear than others tell us was the Lord's knuckles. Now you ever said they are nuclear knuckle are you punching yesterday you have the great pleasure talking with you about a story of coming into Mormonism and leaving one so let's get right… This Matthew say hello to the good people will Michael and everyone in the world and Paul world is all so seriously.

Now he's got plans for us all to tell me something about forming a little bit. I want to know how Mormonism came on the scene for you and what was it that attracted you to this religion so I grew up in northern Utah in the Pleasant view North Ogden Ogden area was born in Ogden, but to live in those general regions around a few times, but stage early morning on that area and my family was LDS. My parents were members and thought we we went to church fairly often. I think it's one of the kids, but we were basically we we attended on Sunday and then we kind of that was kind of that universe of a woman so we would attend church weekly, and I remember sitting in the pews and listen to the music church and or being listen to the little lessons but better now that we know we didn't really read scriptures as a family when I was really young really watch general conference or anything like that so I think I think it was the kind of thing where my parents probably to the environment. You know anything. My parents are really very religious up so I was attending as a young child in and because were coming on and off and my sister goes well but yes, that's brought up in a in Utah.

Your your, developed by the culture of this church.

So if you know and it's kind like the mindset where a lot of people what they grow up and say you know in places where there is a strong evangelical presence. You know they might even if you're not religious themselves. They noted Michael back to the roots and bring the kids to church so I figure that's complement exit us had us and so I was interested to it that way wasn't I wasn't really thinking much about the church but you would hear certain things the church you know anything about God or Jesus don't remember. Understanding every well but I remember when I was about eight or nine because the last time when you should be getting baptized. The topic never really came up with me.

My parents never really encourage miracle push me to do it but I remember having experience where you and I remember hearing about heaven, you know you care about heaven from Disney movies and other sources of heavens. Just a thought been on the mind of a child usually and I heard something about like you get Yaffe baptized go to heaven and saw a member being a water park with my parents and as this is just to bug me today so I asked my mama so a mom and only person of a baptism later to do it is posted. If you want to go to heaven and, parents saying yeah you know it's kind have to do it so I can about Amicus and be baptized of probably eight or nine so I start begin more about it in that over time I was baptism wanting to do it that when my sister terminate you not to be good opportunity to not like I want to be cut off from heaven on I will be able to go to heaven when I die house, nothing to be Callicles on my mind and then my parents were happy that I wanted to do it.

So was Wanting to please my parents so he knows this.

Several factors combine so I had asked my parents if I could be baptized will sure about since your basically as either nine or 10 at the time I had to.

The missionary lessons so talk to Dr. Bishop at time he set up the appointments. They said that the missionaries over your house and so remember, I don't know the others names and numbers are probably at least two or three sets of elders that that taught me over those few months and he was during the time of the discussions. He knows question-and-answer.

It is often located at only understand what is going on so I think they kind of just like went through the discussions Plowed through, gasping like you understand and I do like kind remember the little flip charts they had with the pictures like the celestial kingdom and the terrestrial kingdom and the cards whatever call so yeah the missionary lessons that way in the my sister. She was 28, so we both rebaptize the same day by my by my uncle Val Kodak and he ever confirm that same day, so it was difficult experience, so let my sisters two years and I am remote that has ascended so is pretty awesome. So the sabotage of the church. So technically I was technically convert. I guess you know what I mean. I was only 10 so as practically pointed to the church. Parents home. This one really born and raised LDS Lord Brule also converts yeah I think I'm pretty sure my parents are both baptized there a memory serves my my dad's family was a lot more active in the church, mom, I'm not quite sure about my mom's family piano, annoyed as hell is a lot more active in and he whenever he sees a kid so that he did mention was that my grand, my grandfather went outside before he possibly was a high priest, but other than that, much else.

Yeah, after sister got baptized because your whole family to become more active.

We guys continue because of the Sunday Mormons for a while after that you want to say that is probably pet a similar blue. I think we tried a few times to do well meaning but you know being kids because I just wanted to skip to the end where he can have the treats we don't know.

I don't want to do the lesson time.

Lots of people to go the truth so that it can only work out that a lawyer recall having a solid reading together as kids.

So that was so probably 10 to 12 (that's not had what would happen so dependent communal activity went up little bit. You're more interested Democrats are excited seemingly about Musetta scriptures and things like that. He has been much is kind of same is always confusing to me to because I remember as a kid we would always go shopping on Sunday and had member of a Cosco or or Sam's Club or something yes." And I'd be like to shop on Sundays and I never had assets), never to be regularly grumbling a guideline. I kind of I guess. But you know are busy so common on the Transamerica practice B: they're good people, but I had a new kind of working experience around the kid as I came down to killing less constraining up to church every week and is enough to shop on Sundays but we do all the time of the computer but I guess this is my way and then is is after that that my parents started having marital problems like really complicated but but anyways my parents are having some stress in her marriage and is so around 12 years old, but because of my parents separated and divorced so that point. Yes I was living with my mom and my dad doubt tumultuous deal, confusing, complicated, that age I was just entering junior high school and try to deal with that and then, mom you know will started started dating a few months after my parents divorce. I was kind enough to get used to that.

But I got her in and they got married within a year or two after that, but I can get a related step daddy is Ralph mom mom's enjoyment as an consisted your was where I was sitting in London's organization when we were soul. I notice church value in the mission field I encountered a lot of families that the time of divorce is in the family room. The church's teachings on eternal families were were often quite painful for those children was the was a part of your spinster another time as well is hard to mention that when I was younger.

They would often talking primary about eternal families a connection and I knew that my parents were married in the temple, so I would not bring up my parents at night aspect one frailty. Knowing my primary last them and they sit up entering the temple. And so, like where you like typing a little kid that this way of asking questions like really probing questions without really having much tax is constituted, so I thought of the kid as a company know what the deal was was mostly it was.

It was difficult but I don't really think about eternal aspect of it.

At that time I was more just thinking about you know it was an item I did like the conflict that God sees a Canon lot has my amino like there might be some splash and some things that he would get frustrated at me and my sister and honest Other soma map others for my mom's first marriage. So my mom had been married previously during my dad and then she divorced her first husband.

My dad, so he is. I just read about my brother and I didn't care is the half-brother. We got along. We played video games and stuff so it is a rough for all of us because after living can get into trouble at school and in the log things like that rumination so as it is a confusing time in general. I was really worried about that paternal family. Part then you especially because my parents were married in the temple so it was only on my radar stepfather was sealed in a slow yeah he is. I think he still is technically LDS in appearance. My parents, my sabbatical, I believe LDS he was. He was also very poor and he had has some several daughters from his previous marriage and yet so obvious as well, but he's these sound like my mama moms very logical person very technically literate. She's still out computer programming for job and the Parker so she's very logical person.

So I think that's how she just perceives the world. She's very logical down next executive sensing also like I think she sees the church as a good thing but not really something for her. So yeah – that's a question of ASIS assessment measures how well a part church continued to play after the mom's remarriage and the blended family situation. I think the time I will trouble my dad's tennis but I know that mom and my stepdad would go with me to our church in our ward and I think it's kind of support me because at that time I was known at her 12 was ordained a deacon and then was 14.

As any teacher so you know they were there support me when I was preparing a sacrament doing was a cold siding was a call. Have a facile and fast offering fast enlightenment resorted to all PFS topics up there support meeting other drag me out if there were limited it was a ways away so there really helpful and supportive family grateful for that.

So you we went for a few years letting us stop you can start getting less interested in, and do not stuff: is my 14 1415 some activity kindness and went down and I never in. I was never really into the church. That much is kind something. I just felt like was a good thing to do is a good place to be my friends or their health in the neighborhood and school so is a place we could go in on Sundays.

It's a nice place to just spend time in a while. I really like the music to.

I still do a select music at the district meetings so yeah become a cultural thing but but I cast when it's a cultural thing, and neither are you normally have religious feelings for the church. Your tendency to want to continue attending especially one hazy busy school and it's in the land so I just kind of lost interest in going for a while and so 1415 16. By that time, I might add. It also remarried and so my stepmom has several kids from her first marriage. So dad is a lot of lot of divorces and remarriage in my family gets Kenneth crazy but but she's a great person to she election her first boss little Caesars was my first job was a thesis so the associated notion that the trip has a good job I worked there for little dry school starting the college so the night. You know then high school was really religious at all and I didn't really see the point of it I wasn't really quite willing to say that there there were times where I felt like I was an atheist denied unsalted why don't think there's a God that a nebula ties around like well you know maybe we'll see you in Arkansas selling just one and kinda stagnated my religious growth. Social member I was excommunicated or dispelled this has often stop attending, he was there, zero point hey guess where you came to believe the church is definitely true or the mediated testimony of its yeah it was as well a time that one. I was just starting college, so I would been mounted thousand five I was saws and that pays real beliefs and religion. Ultimately interest in the church and there was.

I actually had actually been let go from a job at the time because I said I said a dumb joke to somebody that that I should have said enough about Fort but wasn't trying to cause offense, but it did and saw Zico but at the time I was kind of like, already thinking about quitting anyway because most really busy with school and oncology so most of again I probably should be there find workarounds close to campus or just leaves had been there for about three years like that so that was delicate point where Santa brought to a break like a breaking point, kind of, you know, I felt bad for what happened in applicant embarrass the help that happen that way endeavors disputation and I wish that we could have resulted but couldn't so so the point that I was, like, just a so hot I'm out of the perfectionist ever since I was a kid.

You know if I can do something right.

I can't do it at a great job at it. Tony would try and so that's can affect me my whole life I've tried to play with his perfectionism and so at this point no one out when I have been let go of my job because of this, because this incident is totally bad.

Really terrible and I was kinda sick of the person that I was almost tired of not making mistakes not being in on nothing like a good person, not feeling like I like I should be a discount have this tendency to want to be something better so so I cannot journey back to the more begin more about religion more about God and things like that in very very minimal effort into kind of thinking about. Types are related and I thought about like Janik's Eastern religions.

There is there is this Islam but like a lot of that.

I just wasn't really interested in I Karen a little bit from Buddhism like food item. Some of the same like it has some interesting stuff but you know I guides us doesn't seem likely. I commit my life to so I cannot hallux books on religion like the Christina Christian based religions. So I have in-laws like us, drawn into this concept of priesthood priesthood authority priesthood power priesthood keys things like that so and I kinda sucked into the idea that the many Mormons are taught that. That's like well you know you the Roman Catholic Church is true or the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints is true because you know they're the only ones I have a valid claim to priesthood authority and planning ascetic maturely and I just can't kidnapper that was my understanding at the time was that it's either the Roman Catholic Church or the source of the estrogen he died. I dread I started reading a lot of stuff, like James college is the great apostasy read a book and he goes a details to why the arm pauses and believers is not correct. Snubbing Isabella Perry's doctrines like transubstantiation of the mass in changing of baptism. You know they believe in the baptism of you that knows these were a lot of arguments against colleges using to try to show that Catholicism with apostate Zico really bought into that and I really I really liked his scholarship felt drawn to that such me. The only logical conclusion was the district must be true, but none up.so I started retaining the church and and going to the elders quorum back then that I have. I was still a teacher because I left before I was ordained a priest wasn't attending a corpsman just reading a lot more attended church is like you know what you at this. If this is true if this church is true, then I really want to. I mean, I feel like the most logical conclusions I should serve a mission.

If I've been given a knowledge that that the church is true then I should buy should go. I should serve as what I should do and also young at the time is 1920-ish. This process so in a time I write a lot and follow Lawton and cradle Lawton read the book of Mormon a lot in people are costly getting talks to needed Perry's books to read and I will go to fire sizing. Also, I was all in-laws like I was Isaac wanting a testimony on his year.

Every month the past testimony meeting people get up and saying I know this church is true or not God's to permittivity and I wanted that so badly so I pray Lawton read the book one Alanis is not without filling out a witness yet but you keep trying and trying to I would talk to my dad about it because I doubted kinda be coming back to activity in the church premises highlighted so you know we were going a little bit of a journey together because he was routine he my father had served served a mission in Italy when he was younger and he counted several of the activity over the years following the heat in a really startling that especially after he is remarried, so she's cheap. My stepmom's a active latter-day Saints.

So we will start coming back to church together would share things that we learn and read together so I was pretty annoyed.

My dad assured me all this all his mission experiences now so exciting that friends are leaving on mission sows, just like the look-alike of the right melting pot like the right time. The conditions were, you know to me to feel like he has something I should do so, and I felt like I and after praying and reading the book of Mormon. You know I felt like I had this is burning in the bosom experiences no in my room praying about it has felt like a warm comforting feeling that the book). I felt like I was no good enough but I was young and that was God telling me that it was true. So after that I can always notice when straightforward and had another job, corpsman mission and on the phone mission.

I was working as a filing clerk for the IRS so I worked every year and then I can adjust to be your off clinician to to just focus on just reading a book warm just like really preparing as best I could and I left when I was probably almost 21 clinician so yeah I happily answered about airport questions that you you had in mind again and that's a that is okay. What strikes me about what you said is for a lot of us know there was a lot of cultural pressure to serve a mission from parents or see that a lot can missionaries on the field. It sounds like there really wasn't a lot of pressure for you to go from your family decision yet for me was I think it was mostly wanting to do what was right. Going back to where Ada's experiences where I felt like I was aspiring to be something better. Not like there's some some something I should be that I wasn't. So it was is kind of Aladdin wanting to help people united to seem logical to me that this is the true gospel of people need to have eternal life with heavenly father through this gospel than I need to go out and preach the fullness of the gospel restored gospel and I did yet and have a girlfriend that was steel strip that it is a depression anything, but there was kinda spot my mind so not to say like I was. I was totally on Mother Teresa type or something you know where you want to go out and save the world because there was a part of my mind felt kind of like, like disappointment living in Utah you know you hide identity to girls but never had a like a steady girlfriend in high school or college and I was like I was kind of the reason for that was let out one of these girls. But they knew that I was like an active latter-day St., then you elegantly into the church so it never really went beyond geologist (so I thought, like disappointed by then. I thought you know like I wanted I want to be this person the discomfort I want to be but the same time as his party to kinda probably wanted it for selfish reasons like you want to start a family for living in Utah is can be really difficult and altered to date anybody if I'm not interested in the church at least a little bit so maybe I was kind of motivation at the beginning. I don't know part of it, but on you know it's it's part as part of the social aspect. I think to just just wanting to fit in, wanting to wanting to be in a 122 to please others. I guess I guess, pride thing, but as a mix is an external a lot of factors so you want to not return missionary critical ladies. I don't know for how far.

Maybe it is is more just like I think it was more.

I just felt like a wanted to do the right thing but not public just like material. Thought maybe you know like hey I have friends at the heart serving missions and it's hard for. I've heard the rumors. It is hard to find your girls today are Mary if you're not an RN. So maybe it was part of that DNA does. Okay so I went to sounds to little you what it's believing that it is like don't know if you guys place in my mission like my trainer are some of people clinician talk about like missionary points on here about the no the more persecution you had on your missing or like the more people you converted like the more points you get Mike. Basically, the more attractive your wife would be. I don't believe that I don't like opposes Ridiculous, but I guess some listeners were really bothered you just if it were true to be some random girl out there just you know every day getting more attracted to this. I guess there is nothing yet Saudia the discipline we let yes of so I can talk a little about like the exhibition more yeah I want to hear about what happens during those two years and how that all went for you for so you know I was preparing a felt like I was to appoint Republicans, worthy the submission and ends ready sows close to 21 when I left her own abdomen mission papers set up in my mission papers probably probably spring late spring of 2007 that I got a call just a week and 1/2 later there's an ad in the digital you know papers process. I did have to sign or send anything physically involved digital medical that we can have. Later, mission call to building muscles that it was mission, and I put down on my application that I studied French for electric three years I think and unite high school, but I didn't really retain any of it but I guess it worked out because I put down and I was really interested to learn a language inside the difference between mission.

So yes, call the that mission. A report in NTC on August 1 of 2007 11 where member that is because it's easy to remember in August 1, and then I stayed there for two months, so I left exactly 2 months later I think is October 1 where where when I left and I love MTC and I didn't think I don't understand what people hate it so much I just love learning and reading and studying and learning a language respond so I really liked MTC Provo substrate got really deathly sick. I think the guys in the dorm next to me got pinkeye set is just a germ factory but not as is good and it was cool to see apostles and I don't have her son apostle. There talk, but I know we had a lot of 70s mission presidency things encompass so started a rumor that Tom Cruise had died was interesting, why is is like I said said to Tom Cruise that he does not know anything about that and I was just like he nozzle a large mature because I was almost 21,000 like like handle on that matter like your new mission. Hsien the art order was interesting because he had a lot of a lot of troublemakers in our group might their missionaries that were that I took stuff from the NTC and brought with them like stuff from the rooms property of the NTC particular them on the mission of commissioners will missionary my group that he didn't want to forget all the rap lyrics and song lyrics and stuff all so he he wrote them down from memory as much because he had like a huge book full of crap cleared and brought them up and I wasn't part of any of that stuff Utah was coexisting my own thing setting and out. They are mission president found it like 50 found all that kind of put out on the table only like so he brought it all.

Missionaries Margaret Mrs. explain proposals and possibly Cesar's eyes like I need to do in case you in my brain on like I don't even allow. This is all them so we do Europe really great Brussels I love Belgium boulders held in France is where where status is just amazing place. I just love the architecture and the history and I love cathedrals and in the just yet.

Just just the heritage in the culture that they have there is really amazing. So I was first assigned to city in a little tiny city in northern France called dated on elder all bladders made my trainer and I was a really rough time because I was really out of shape against legal clinician because when I stress I eat so the idea of moving to Europe really stress me out on the mission so a lot that I got in my sparsity and my my trainer was like no really shaped like he back on the 90 work out the gym all time recently still in shape unless I heard the song and any unity run like a mile every morning, mile or two or something and then we walk like I think I lost probably like the least 20 to 40 pounds with my first transfer. I'm not even kidding, just all the exercise I just any AV node barely ate anything. I was starving all the time so not a particularly about cleanliness of visitors. This is a good experience.

My first transfer is just really hard.

I was in on my perfectionism kicked in, I wanted to be able to teach, but I couldn't pass I always struggled with understanding what people were saying. I couldn't. I couldn't understand what they're saying is like it was just especially French being such a smooth language.

I really discussed like blurs together and like I could I could understand a five minute red print ticket. I can read it pretty okay and I and I was told that I could speak pretty well known for being only out for a few weeks but I would say I would ask a question and I would have no idea what they would say and so I'll just smile and died all okay and then I go on to the next idea like sodium the family and be like if they said we are doing okay.

Yeah, they have a fairly good, but if they went any further than that I be totally lost and my trainer, my companion would be like like are you can answer the question. You know that I would just go off and say something else. So is a nightmare and that's as well as for the first six months limited. Just like I would say something back. I have no ideal to say that we just keep going. Try again so severely 6 to 60 months to even start to understand what people are saying the yeah was a really great experience in the course back in your mission you tend to remember the good parts, mostly don't know how stressful is I do.

I do remember just really feeling down myself just really beating myself up just not feeling good enough. It's it's like it's like to cure your standard LDS experience and like crunching it into just like at the compressor is just like the stress and the guilt and shame and excitement and likes of the good and the bad involves compressed. It's like a really espresso machine and for LDS experience is learning a lot, but I also felt inadequate and made my first two companions are kinda critical me a little bit. I think because I'll take my trainer to train anybody acidosis first trainee and a second opinion.

Overnight is a great guy but we I have a little bit rough since I was still new and I wasn't very good with languages hard her. It's hard for any missionary to go from being isolated in Outlook year is pretty confident the language you know that the pretty adequate 30s will be doing to go in with somebody only about six weeks so is hard for them to get used to and I try my best but it's no use to what he can and I cried a lot at night and I prayed a lot. I try to keep it so they could hear me but alternated so as rough as what this was a few months and but overall in the early definition. There is a lot of times where I will have the siding will use you just run the whole gamut of emotions. I was I was a district leader.

Her couple transfers. I was really fun. Most of the seas are really beautiful I was and is in a city called Calais, right on the beach like you guys are public or the tunnel that goes from the UK to France although there, they might shut that down. If they do open exit paying you a lot of work but that's that's the town where it kinda goes through as is Calais. That's the town nearest the border between France and England.

So we go to the beach. You know on on PDAs just like readout on the on the beach house upon the water. Those missionaries so was there a point which you are comfortable with the language and can communicate better with people that how how long will spell on our doing this stuff point the onus is probably probably 6 to 8 months. I started fill at least some adequate and probably 10 to 12 months a year out where I felt really good. So I spent six weeks my first city in a transfer me to Belgium for my second transfer report transfers also, roll the timing so as is. After that, when a the going back down France so is probably back to back on the present and I started fill really good about adding about 60 months after. Immediately I had open a new area that enclosed for a while. What was there missionaries there, but we basically had to start from scratch so is enough stability to 10 hours of just door-to-door are contacting on the street so that really was, like the timer I really had to practice my French get really good at it because it was just me and him we were both out about a year actually using my same group is slowly horrible, just start from scratch is a contest because I was is when I'm at home I got pretty good in a nonsurgical confident young French and then the mission present Colleen economy has become a trainer size terrified. Turns out that my trainee was French, so he he was, I was imagining some grief America enough but he came in he obviously spoke fluent French, and not only that, but he said he spoke very Oak Ridge very very well. He was very attuned to the grammar to enunciation, especially compared to a lot of the people that we spoke to on the street. He was just like very good at speaking French using he's an excellent translator to Benedetti thousand that he is like an Italian name but is a French positioning and that came with it a whole new slew of challenges that could never have predicted. You know I was I was I was expecting to do most of the talking and most of the work you know because I imagine myself as my training I gone on to be stuck with me for the next 6 to 12 weeks. What a perfect is the is the exact opposite like he would just instantly click with anybody he talked to on the street. I use from his room to lose around that area and also the south of France, but like you know they could connect instantly with language and everything and I like I hardly ever get a word because they were just talking so fast and I'll try to squeeze my way in, and then I'll get in for a few words and then they go back to talking really quickly and I just frustrated me tonight and I just like I was the training and I like the really humbling experience, but he is a really smart guy really good missionary so I tried it I try to know the humble dilemma.

So yeah, I mean I could go back in time of initial data.

Basically NSS, where I started up over the confident the fact that he was there.

My trainee was French I could practice stuck within such try to look at the bright side of things listed outside so I could practice crazy heel tenses that you probably never used in actual conversation, but is responded to tab the cycle living dictionary French the micro screen micro screen was underhand so I have very similar experience scenery more than once in yeah that's why also, once in one area and then once again my last area so that when you're talking about. Sonia was hard on someone. The dinner's been out for a long time and then suddenly has a process is integrated data that was probably the government was the hardest transition.

I made love, and my last area I was with a companion who have been out for just under a year and since he was released really indescribable language and really enjoyed getting out and doing work of missionary missionary and so per month be reduced out of the streets and then suddenly know she was transferred out. I got a greedy hands and a portal 11 adequate output with my not gotten very well about transition so long that it's the stuff, but government mother stated was 190 Jessica and she from the city to serve in the branch. The registered been so denied guided gone to his family's house often while serving in the branch lines and for his mission and then directly from there to the city where I've been transferred. We spent a couple months together and he was greeted with us and just all the language practiced being with native speakers invaluable.

So scientists just like being able to speak the language all the time. Not not just for your outside the apartment, like the chair down and relax, but we had that new speaker.

There you cannot fill the of the impetus like wants to always speak the language. Take just to get really good at it. Sonia play I like after after him on definite yes. When I became a district leader in Calais in an and that that missionary Oliver Tran he sees is such a great guy he sees from Arkansas French pronounce Arkansas and Alcan eccentric, Kansas, Arkansas uses a really good guy and I got a group of the farm life and he really struggled with the language, so it was that was a really hard contrast to go from having a companion. It was absolutely 1% fluent companion where he just really struggle and mission president has specifically told me like a libertarian really hard worker. Great guy to struggle with the language now just wanted me to spend my cutting 30 minutes of our late are our language time. But instead of putting it on myself just spinning with him so we would go over grammar or legal vocabulary or just whatever questions he might've had noticed practicing so hot he is.

I could tell he really struggled. I could see myself in him little bit guilty back to earlier admonition.

I'm just trying to encourage him trying to not be there for.don't worry man like us to come and get it in a minute been a few months later and in his French was much better sexy man I told you I told you to get it just takes time. So I was really happy to see that we had a good time.

We visited impatiently struggled many struggled to look is always stress on the mission know you always want to hire people to teach you was one of his friends with the church members in every ward you need and I saw like I was. I was never that missionary that just instantly connect with people I what I wanted to be that missionary but I also wanted to keep the rules so the printer very social people you know they want to have dinner with you and talk for hours. You know and stuff like that nor hang out a few things and I we are supposed only have like an hour hour and 1/2 dinner meetings with them, but like they would want to make it last longer and longer. So I think a kind of put a strain on the relationship with members because I would try to keep that hour and 1/2 time limit and also unit. I don't know if you if Hungarian is the same that I can print you know there's the formal speech and is informal so before the formal is when you use for usually older people or people want to keep a like business partners in the informal's for close friends are younger people like that is the same decision right so we were told by our mission president like the matter who it is you always use the formal unit you're talking with like a two-year-old enough of their worse missionaries account had a problem with that unit. I mean, I can kinda see why because think about it. It's like using the language you use for like your principal or your boss or a dignitary for like a small kid in that candidates confuse them. Most of the time, but not as really I really wanted to keep the rules so I really focus on using the Hawaii form the formal form and I and some of that reason than the fact that I didn't like to roughhouse in the kind of had to be small was separated from the members, but the I felt like keeping rules is more important than you know connecting enough not telling such from perfectionist tendencies were began to feel pressure to keep the rules, fear of not not being a successful missionary or not the most of I've I really felt like that of Scripture in D&C bicameral chapters anymore, but it says like an honors in heaven is a law decreed that in every blessing from heaven is on obedience to that law.

So I really felt like if you keep all the rules that white handbook than God bless you.

Somehow, so like being obedient is important and I wasn't perfect. Of course I had things that I was struggled with. I was I'm always tardy even now I struggle with being on time with anything those my big problems and tidying things like that Soviet independent is dry part of my perfectionism partially to the public.

That's what it meant to be good missionaries to just keep the rules and payout. You know get through it as an instance of my mission like a really long Christmas dinner is like my second transfer and I Pointed cacao Mike. I think we should go now, like the dinner like four hours so it was like close of the night or past midnight or something like that I like all right like writing or weakness on the glycerides any another was in was like okay I'm going to kidnapping probably died tonight over family. Those I love them yes off the greatest of heaven, but no that for the most part really try to be obedient as best we can hold thunder on the mission to sell fairly certain the deal gestures was most true wording. The things that happened on the mission that caused $2000 or cracks in Canada, wall of truthfulness as a related question, so I don't think so. I had studied a lot of the problems no elected issues with the church clinician.

The book of Abraham and archaeology like that and I don't know if his hair at the time they might've been palms are whatever the as is or was nicely a lot of material in and I kind of felt like I had answers to my satisfaction at the time so there was no real thing that he could bring up with me that really bothered me in on he polygamy and and Penny Alger and stuff like I had read all I can do stuff and I don't think I really thought about it deeply, you know, I kind of felt like well you know. Blessings of the past you know I Found a way to put on my shelf not worry about it so you know and I don't have any cracks in my testimony during admission, denied it, saw it was very much focused on me feeling on wording feeling like feeling like there were times where there were moments recollect God was close to God was protecting me and specific.

There are specific events. Recollect, God did protect me there is one timer like I was being robbed by somebody in this guide. At that one.

We never taught him that we just met around town you know you be walking around town all the time with his dog. He he just happened to be, you know there at the time. It only takes a guide as to rob us with his dog so touches them off so as conical public outcome like a way of God. Time you use areas watching over me to know the media still the case, I don't really know but a tragedy about coincidences and stuff like that.

Her deeply.

The event giving God's providence, but yes, so no cracks public but this money is really strong for like every time I read the Bible or something. You know I'd reedited a godly knowledge registered so great it's awesome you not I was fully no expecting the sale.

Yes, the life, so I put enough to my mission, family problems, I try to work as hard as he could to the end denied and it really felt chunky because no the first few months I conical that would because I just didn't get the language is just really struggling with language in an unsafe manager so that you not like this was easy in our times were really hard but denies overall I wanted to stay there mission. Loved it.

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